Sometimes I like to imagine I’m back in the good days – you know, the first 25 years of my life when Oprah was on the airwaves every day and it seemed like life would go on like that forever. Starting in the late 90s, Opes got into this whole new-agey, self-help book-y stuff. She talked about “your spirit” and “the universe” and – best of all – the Things Oprah Knew For Sure.
Without Oprah here to guide us, this week we posted about a few things we knew for sure – like that How I Met Your Mother was oddly life-affirming, Lupita Nyong’o is the human embodiment of class and grace, and how Dawson’s Creek got real weird by season three. Then, we posted about a few things that we were just straight-up guessing about: what if LeBron James worked in a Fro-Yo shop when he was younger? How old is Jay-Z really? Without Oprah here to tell us what we know for sure, we have a lot of questions. Here’s where we’re at right now:
THINGS WE KNOW FOR SURE
You Can Learn A Lot About Life From How I Met Your Mother
Get out of the house, Go for a walk, Get a bagel
Season 4, Episode 22: Right Place, Right Time
Architect Ted is down in the dumps because he was commissioned to design a chain restaurant called Rib Town in the shape of a giant cowboy hat. Not exactly what he imagined he would be doing with his life. Clearly frustrated, Robin suggests he get out of the house, go for a walk and get a bagel. A series of circumstances lead him to crosswalk where his ex-fiancee, Stella runs into him. That meeting led to his eventual hiring at Columbia University where he taught an architecture class – which is where The Mother, a student, sees Ted for the first time.
In times of frustration or when we feel like we’re at a dead end, it’s hard to figure out what our next move will be. But maybe the best move you can make is one that is out of your comfort zone. Maybe the best move you can make is just go out and do something. Period. We don’t know what we’ll find when we go off the beaten path, but it might turn out to change your life forever.
We Have Teen Beat-Level Crushes On Lupita Nyong’o
She Is A Fashion Icon
Besides her excellent work as Patsey in 12 Years a Slave, I think it’s safe to say that Queen Lupita (QL) really got everyone’s attention with her on point style. Namely, that little Ralph Lauren cape number she wore to the Golden Globes. She had kind of been flying under the radar before that moment, one of those newcomers you knew about and were interested in, but didn’t get too much publicity in the media. Until that night at the Golden Globes. Homegirl came on that red carpet like, ‘I am here to stay!’
Since then, style pros and amateur fashionistas alike were (impatiently) waiting what QL would wear on all the red carpets moving forward. And she did not disappoint. I could easily post all her perfect gowns here, but using the handy photo above, it’s worth noting the green Dior (BAFTAs), Turquoise/teal Gucci (SAG), obvi the dreamy blue Prada (Oscars) and the white cutout Fifth Element type dress by Calvin Klein (Critics’ Choice).
It’s important to note that although this style seems all by QL, celebs get help from stylists to find the perfect dress, and my other new girl crush is on Lupita’s stylist, Micaela Erlanger.
Micaela is a Parsons The New School of Design grad, and also styles the likes of Lady Mary aka Michelle Dockery and Winona Ryder. She ranked number 3 on The Hollywood Reporter’s Top 25 Power Stylists, and no doubt does she deserve that position. I’d say bump her up to number one next year.
We Watched Dawson’s Creek Season 3 With Fascination And Second-Hand Embarrassment
In general, I’d like to say that it’s interesting to watch this without knowing the cultural impact from the outside. Like obviously when this was on in real time circa 1999, the main cast were huge stars. By this point, James Van Der Beek, Katie Holmes, Michelle Williams and Joshua Jackson were also off doing major movies like Varsity Blues, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Dick and Cruel Intentions, respectively. I vaguely remember it being big, but it’s funny how none of that matters – or even shows – when you watch it years later after their popularity has come and gone.
Anyways, school has started and Joey not talking to Dawson isn’t the most awkward thing about this episode.
It’s that Jen Lindley is becoming a cheerleader. And these cheerleaders – are typical bitchy Jawbreakers like girls who just want to ruin everyone’s lives and literally use the phrase ‘you look like a prize hog’ about an overweight girl who wants to try out.
It’s that Dawson has met a rando girl who is a stripper (?) and super mysterious and I hate her.
It’s ACTUALLY that Joey comes back to Dawson and attempts to have sex with him but he’s all no thank you and it’s a whole bunch of second-hand embarassment. Joey is clearly not going to be able to face Dawson anytime soon, so he asks Pacey to look after her and make sure she’s okay… ruh roh.
THINGS WE’RE STILL KIND OF IFFY ON:
Does This Story A Small Child Made Up Accurately Reflect LeBron James’s Feelings Towards Fro-Yo?
LeBron James was a great basketball player, a good person, and a spectacular artist. He was 21 years old, and when he wasn’t playing on his college basketball team he was working very hard studying art, learning how to make pictures that look exactly like what they’re supposed to be. You’d look at his pictures and say “Oh no, there’s a shark!” But it was just a picture of a shark. LeBron was very talented.
Sooo, Is Jay-Z 44? Or Is He Like 50? Are We Supposed To Care?
Point: Jay-Z says that he was born on December 4, 1969
Jay-Z says that he was born on 12/4/69, which would make him 44 years and some change. This is the date he – allegedly – was referencing in A Billi, when he rapped “Get busy, happy birthday my ___” (and then a word I can’t write because I’m white, guys. I’m white and that’s not cool).
This most certainly was the date Jay-Z’s mom Gloria was referring to in December 4th, when she said “Sean Carter was born December 4th, Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces, He was the last of my 4 children, The only one who didn’t give me any pain when i gave birth to him, And that’s how I knew that he was a special child.” [I'm just going to take a moment and suggest that if Gloria Carter felt no pain while delivering a child the size of a family's Thanksgiving turkey, maybe she's the magical one, not Jay.]
Counterpoint: Actually, They Just Say That He Was Born On December 4. 1969 Is Not The Only Year With A December 4.
You know the thing about December 4th? We have one every year. You know the thing about birthdays? Everyone has one of those every year too, except for people who were born on February 29th – but we all know that they’re all a little too smug about it and we don’t need to give them any more attention.
Nothing in those lyrics actually tells us how old Jay-Z is.