Live Blog: Prosecuting Casey Anthony

Prosecuting Casey Anthony isn’t the sort of thing I’d usually watch. As an attorney editor, I usually avoid courtroom dramas and legal novels at all costs, despite a running gag in my family that my law school course materials were really the collected works of John Grisham. It isn’t that I think the stuff isn’t interesting,  it’s just that I’ve grown increasingly lawyer-brained: analytical, logical, and given to yelling out “objection!” when somebody says something that I think is wrong. Anyway. I lowered my expectations before watching this movie, anticipating it to be about 0% accurate and about 50% entertaining. I only objected maybe twice – but that’s just because the entertainment quotient was even lower than I anticipated. Here are some… erm… highlights? of my liveblog notes.

  • Wait,  Rob Lowe is definitely in this, right? I’m going to mentally add the word “lit’rally” after everything. It should keep me awake, anyway.
  • I should mention that while I seldom watch Lifetime movies, when I do, I try  to pick ones that are about harrowing real-life tragedies. Oooh, and teen pregnancies! Mom at Sixteen, Fifteen and Pregnant, Too Young To Be A Dad … actually, was Casey Anthony pregnant in her teens? We may have a jackpot here!
  • I think Rob Lowe’s nice car is supposed to show us that he’s cool. But his sports sunglasses –  with nylon sunglass chain! –  are decidedly uncool horrible.
  • My dog keeps hearing things, which is making me scared because I’ve recently seen commercials for Mama.
  • Rob Lowe is retiring after this trial. How is that even possible? I’m still going to be paying off law school loans when I’m his age.
  • The state attorney’s office is painted a really crisp, refreshing blue. It would make a great bedroom or bathroom color.
  • Oh my goodness, fake Jane Velez Mitchell has a crazy spiky mullet (in for fake Nancy Grace). Like, 1980s Joan Jett-style. Is that what real Jane Velez Mitchell’s hair looks like?
  • Google: second search for Jane Velez Mitchell is “Jane Velez Mitchell wig,” so something is up with her hair.
  • Google: JVM went through a stage (not really that bad or spiky though, just tons of layers). Looks like things have settled down.

    JVM IRL.  Lifetime was REALLY hamming it up with the spiking.

  • What the actual hell is my dog staring/barking at?
  • They’re using real Nancy Grace footage, which means we won’t get treated to Fake Nancy Grace. I may as well quit now.
  • Oh shit. I forgot that N.Grace used to call Casey Anthony “tot mom.” I am not sure what that means but think that it should at least be “the tot’s mom.” Nancy Grace, if you’re reading this – and I know you will take my opinion into account because I am a young, non-hideous white woman who could conceivably go missing at some point – please say “the child’s mother” instead of tot mom. Thanks.
  • That Subaru commercial where the guy has a dog, and then a wife, and then a kid makes me cry sometimes. I wonder if his dog barks at ghosts, too. Probably not, because his life is so damn beautiful.
  • If I got Invisilign I’d just look like I had a weird plastic tray over my teeth. Right? Lifetime has the craziest ads.
  • Rob Lowe has got to stop talking about a child’s body “rotting away” while trimming a Christmas tree. Topics that would be better: mistletoe, eggnog, presents, Mrs. Claus.
  • I’ve rewound this line twice. Does Rob Lowe say that the defense attorney “got himself bikinis before he was admitted to the bar?”\ I don’t think the Character and Fitness Committee really cares about that sort of thing.
  • Whomever is in charge of music cues is doing a great job of letting me know when I should pay attention. It’s like the audio version of underlining.
  • Fake Casey Anthony’s Dad has sort of day-glo, Gatorade yellow hair in spots, and gray hair in others. Just my TV, or a hard hair color to fake?

    A lovely blogger already split-screened this! Hand to god, the ‘do looked more neon on my tv. I think this was a case of “eh… older white guys all look the same, right?”

  • I don’t even know where my dog is now. Fighting ghosts from horror movie commercials, probably.
  • Fake Jane Velez Mitchell has different hair now. Does she change her hair all the time? Is that why people on Google think she wears a wig? At any rate, there’s no way Nancy Grace was out of the office that much during this epoch.

    Better wig, Jane.

  • Fake George Anthony has very dark, yet dainty, eyebrows. They might have been waxed with one of those stencil guides.
  • Elizabeth Mitchell is using that “I’m going to tell you a story” schpiel for her opening argument. Playing it safe, eh, people who have studied trial technique?
  • Oooo. Actually. She does a pretty decent wrap up: ” here is the last picture we have of Caylee Anthony. The next photo was taken on (whenever it was they found her body). This trial is about what happened in between.”  Que suave!
  • Fake Casey Anthony’s mom really does look like her.

    Real Cindy Anthony

  • In Lifetime movies, do commercial breaks always get more frequent as time goes on? That’s probably why I fell asleep liveblogging Liz and Dick. Plus it was Liz and Dick.
  • Does Mederma work? I ask because there’s a commercial for it on right now, and because after I got stitches, the doctor told me that I’d “really want to see a plastic surgeon about that.” And I was all, well first I’d have to see  a millionaire about that, because I don’t exactly have the cash-money to excise scar tissue from my face. Anyway, maybe Mederma, though.
  • The only thing worse than being in court for witness cross-examination regarding expert qualification is the tv movie version of witness cross-examination regarding expert qualification.
  • I can’t believe I know this, but Casey Anthony and LiLo both have Bella Vita tattoos.

    Lohan bella vita.

Anthony bella vita. Her vita is not actually very bella, but ok.

  • If I haven’t been updating during this part of the movie, it’s because I got bored and went to the kitchen to make some kale chips.
  • Also was on Westlaw trying to figure out if Florida has adopted the Federal Rules of Evidence.
    • They have not. Also, they’re a Frye jurisdiction. I’m more of a Daubert lady myself.
  • The screen just flashed “keyword: Chloroform.” I have no idea if we’ve been getting keywords this whole time. Will there be a vocab test? I hope this movie is like those Ready To Read books, where there’ s a list of all of the important words at the end.
  • I don’t think Fake Casey Anthony has even spoken yet. We’re 1hr 43 mins in.
  • They find Casey Anthony not guilty in the movie, like in life. The juror pronounced aggravated “ay-gravated.” I bet somebody says ape-ricots instead of app-ricots.
  • Well, that’s all, ladies and gents. As Nancy Grace once said, “the devil is dancing tonight!” Also, I’ll bet 10:1 the devil is sporting a bella vita tattoo.

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