Ole! Ole! Ole!: World Cup Soccer Chants

Once every two years, I pretend to understand and care about soccer: during the Summer Olympics and the World Cup. For those of us who are more baseball people (and, honestly, more ballet people), the game can get a bit confusing. There aren’t too many sports where you can reach the end of regulation time, neither team has scored, and the official policy is “yeah… we’ve had quite enough of that.” The game just ends. Worse than the agony of defeat is the bemusement of tying.

The key to pretending that this whole situation makes sense to you is cheering in the right way, at the right times. With this handy guide, you’ll be able to sort of sound like you get it – just in time for the USA game. Wanting America to be the best? That’s one thing about the World Cup I don’t have to pretend to understand.

Ole! Ole! Ole! ohhh-le! Ole!

When to use it: When the crowd starts doing it. Like the wave, it takes real sports fan confidence to be the person who starts it, so it’s best not to try.

Jose! Jose! Jose! Joo-Se! Jose!

When to use it: When you’d use the ole chant, but only if someone on the team you’re rooting for is named Jose, and he is on the field doing stuff. Don’t use the Jose chant unless you are positive there’s someone named Jose to cheer for.

[the monotone blat of a vuvuzela]

When to use it: When you want to be a dick, or if they gave them out for free at the game. Don’t do this indoors. It’s annoying.

He’s Alright

When to use it: When someone from your team, who usually sucks, is actually pretty good. Note: use context cues to determine when someone sucks. This chant is a real thing in parts of the UK.

How it goes: To the tune of ‘Winter Wonderland’:

There’s only one [name]

One [name]

He used to be shite,

But now he’s all right,

Walking in a [name] wonderland.

GOOOOAAAALLLLLLL

When to use it: When someone on your team gets a goal. You have to draw out the word “goal” a really long time because you don’t get to do this very often during a match.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

When… U.S.A.

Esou brasileiro, com muito orgulho, com muito amor

When to use it: When you haven’t had much opportunity to chant U-S-A, and decide to defect to the home team.

“Yo Soy Espanol!”

When to use it: When you studied abroad in Madrid and realize that realize that your adopted country might fare better than your homeland. Or, when the only foreign language you studied was Spanish and dammit, you want to make use of your knowledge from those “Paso a Paso” workbooks.

Two World Wars and One World Cup:

When to use it: When you’re English, but want to act, frankly, a little American.

How it goes:

Two World Wars and one World Cup, England, England

Two World Wars and one World Cup, England all the way.

Who Are Ya?

When to use it: When someone you clearly can identify is on the field, but you’re feigning ignorance. When you’re English, acting English.

When The Yanks Go Marching In

When to use it: When you are an American reclaiming the word “yank.” Yes, even Southerners.

You’re Not Singing Over There

When to use it: When you have something to sing about, but the other team doesn’t. Or to disparage the other side’s disinterest in the performing arts.

How it goes:

You’re not singing anymore
You’re not singing anymore
You’re not singing,
You’re not singing,
You’re not singing anymore

Oh Wie Ist Das Schon

When to use it: When you want to sing about what a beautiful day it is, but still sound kind of stern; when you want to imagine that you are celebrating from inside the hofbrauhaus.

Over There (The Yanks Are Coming)

When To Use It: When you’re rooting for America but in a kind of 1917 way; when you really want to stick it to Europe about World War One. OUR GREAT-GRANDFATHERS HELPED YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHERS, BITCHES.

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4 thoughts on “Ole! Ole! Ole!: World Cup Soccer Chants

  1. Pingback: American Things To Do To Make You Get Over The World Cup Loss | cookies + sangria

  2. Pingback: Saturday Spotlight: Rock Your Body Til Canada Day | cookies + sangria

  3. Pingback: ICYMI: While You’re Still Chanting USA! USA! USA! | cookies + sangria

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