As Traci pointed out in this week’s edition of Camp Cookies + Sangria, we’re of an age (or possibly just a personality type) where we can’t be sure what really happened and what we’ve just made up. I mean, she even always forgets she went to summer camp as a kid (but read about it – who WOULDN’T forget that camp?).
Other things we’ve been remembering wrong all along: Marilla Cuthbert as a kindly adoptive mother when she was really a creepy church-hag who bought a child; Comic-Con as a nerd haven when it’s really more of a fashion mecca; and Sharknado as a campy but fun guilty pleasure when Sharknado 2 proved that the franchise was just a bunch of chum. Does anyone remember chum? From the mid-2000s tv film Spring Break: Shark Attack? If I remember correctly, that movie was a blast – but then again, I probably don’t remember correctly.
Here’s the cold hard truth about getting older – you default to lying only because you can’t remember. “Were you the one telling me about all your horrible birthdays? And how you think they’re ‘cursed’?” “Yeah, that was me… No wait, that’s not true. That’s Penny from Happy Endings. My birthdays are fine.”
For our summer series, we’ve talked about how we never got to go to camp as a kid – and that’s a lie. I’ve been to camp. I went to sleepaway camp for exactly one week when I was maybe 12 years old and that was it. Never went to summer camp again. I think the reason I always forget it happened was because the whole thing didn’t feel real and it was just a tiny blip in my life. Like the day I spelled ‘architect’ wrong in my 6th grade spelling bee was more memorable than my entire week at camp. Let me explain.
I went to a camp called Mindstretchers which was located at Keuka College in the tiny hamlet of Keuka Park, New York, right on the Finger Lakes (there are a bunch of lakes that look like fingers from afar, I realize how weird this sounds if you didn’t grow up in upstate NY). It was approximately an hour away from our hometown of Rochester, so it wasn’t too far that I felt like I was going on some big adventure.
M: First celebrity cameo: Kelly Osborne, playing Effie Trinket playing a stewardess.
T: She asks April to sign her book – which looks like a pamphlet you get from the high school guidance counselor.
Fin obviously has some sort of PTSD from the Sharknado because now he’s seeing shadows of sharks in the storm clouds from the plane. Except those shadows are legit sharks. Fin freaks out and another passenger (air marshal) comes over to see what all the hullabaloo is about and it looks like the scene in the last ep of Friends where Rachel’s on the plane and Dean Pelton freaks out because the plane doesn’t even have a phalange.
Ohhh shit a shark went straight into one of the engines! The side of the plane is gone! A shark is inside the plane and just knocked off Kelly Osbourne’s head!
M: You know, even if they didn’t know there would be sharks in it, wasn’t it still a bad idea to fly into a tornado?
Marilla Tried To Buy A Little Boy To Do Chores
When her brother-husband got too old to run the farm, Marilla did the only logical thing (if you’re creepy and also awful) – she bought an orphan boy to do chores. Or tried to, because she got sent an orphan girl instead. Like Target, the orphan asylum has a pretty liberal return policy, but to her credit Marilla does keep the kid.
Bitch, If You Have Enough Money To Buy A Human Child, You Can Afford Puffed Freaking Sleeves
Damn, Church-Hag. I don’t know the going rate for a chore-orphan in the early 1900s, like how many toonies or whatever, but if you have that kind of money you can probably buy that kid the ugly dresses she wants. So you have to buy a few extra yards of fabric for the kid’s stupid sleeves? Most teenagers at some point will tell you that they “didn’t ask to be born” but seriously, Anne didn’t ask to be born, orphaned, leased out as a work-horse to human breeding farm Mrs. Hammond, so starved for human contact in an orphanage that she creates imaginary friends in the mirror like Tom Hanks on a deserted island with a soccer ball, bought by old married siblings by accident, and then given the worst dresses. Do you know what Marilla dressed Anne in before Matthew took pity on her and bought her those ass-ugly sleeves? Wincey. I Googled it. It’s basically burlap.
Like, did you spend so much buying your orphan that you have to dress her in bag material? That’s not just cruel, that is straight-up terrible budgeting. Get an accountant, Church-Hag. Maybe you could work out a budget to save up for a heart.
Nina Dobrev in Naeem Khan
If someone has access to this ensemble, and also access to a lot of money, please buy it for me. A lot of the time when an outfit has this sort of floral print, it is also kind of unfortunately clustered around the pelvis area, like a crotch-garden. But not here.
Dobrev’s outfit has the same embroidered boho feel, but the white and ink blue combo is refreshing and simple, and the pattern on the shorts is straight across instead of those weird “this is where the magic happens” pelvic blooms.
What It’s About
Dance Academy is mainly narrated by 15-year-old Tara Webster who is a newly accepted first year student at the National Academy of Dance in Sydney. The series follows her and her fellow dancer pals as they deal with teen romance, rivalries and the pressures of being at a highly competitive dance academy. You know, pretty much everyone’s usual upbringing Down Under.
Reasons to Watch
Aussie Aussie Aussie! (Oi! Oi! Oi!)
Most of the show takes place inside the Dance Academy itself, but there’s a lot of scenes that show Sydney and the surrounding areas. I’ve never been to Australia, but it’s always been one of the places on my ‘bucket list’, and watching this show just makes me want to go there more/temporarily fill my Aussie desires. Not to mention, it’s just *cooler* watching a show that’s not American, you know what I mean? I found myself wanting to watch episodes just so I could go back to ‘Sydney’ every night. It’s like when you watch Friday Night Lights and just want to go Dillon, Texas for an hour or two. I mean, I don’t make it a habit of yearning to go to Texas on a daily basis, outside of the context of FNL/Austin.