This week’s post wrap-up takes its title and, frankly, inspiration from Dennis Rodman’s seminal 1996 autobiography. Whether it’s bad lyrics, iffy attitude toward America’s sweetheart Taylor Swift (confession: I love her outfits and don’t care who knows it), or time-cutting measures so we have more time to gear up for the VMAs – we are as bad as we wanna be. Which is admittedly somewhat less bad than mid-90s Dennis Rodman.
My Humps – Black Eyed Peas
You could basically choose any Black Eyed Peas song and I assure you there will be at least one stupid line. In this particular song, the offense comes from the word “lumps” – sorry, more specifically, “my lovely lady lumps”. Come on Fergie, you really thought this would be a great way to describe your breasts? Although, you did change your name from Stacey Ferguson to just Fergie, so maybe it’s just in your blood to name things horribly.
The reality is that Taylor Swift hasn’t really made a legit country record since her first self-titled one in 2006. If you listen to songs like her very first single, Tim McGraw and Teardrops on My Guitar, you can clearly hear her (Pennsylvania) twang and imagine yourself drinking moonshine on your front porch. But to her credit, there has always been a pop undertone in all her albums. It’s why she’s become such a big superstar and why you hear her songs on Top 40 radio and not just the country music station. But once Taylor came out with that first album, country music embraced her. They really hadn’t had a young, beautiful, talented, humble, mainstream crossover in the genre in a while, and they scooped her up fast. Throughout her seemingly short eight-year career, she’s won 11 Country Music Association Awards, 7 Academy of Country Music Awards and last year, she became only the second person (after Garth Brooks) to win the CMA’s Pinnacle Award, honoring her for her outstanding accomplishments. Like, this was an award that was given to her by 5 big country music superstars, including George Strait, Brad Paisley, and (full circle) Tim McGraw. Some critics pointed out that this was country music’s last ditch effort to convince Taylor to stay in the genre instead of fully crossing over to the other side. ‘Look, Taylor! All these people love you! There are probs about 20 other artists who deserve this more than you, but we don’t want you to go!’ Apparently it didn’t work.
And the CMA didn’t take it lightly either, tweeting (then promptly deleting) this after her big announcement:
— Country Music Assoc. (@CountryMusic) August 18, 2014
Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda Don’t Want None
If the Television Parents Council or whoever always gets their panties in a bunch over the oversexualizing of celebrities onscreen need something to complain about this year – it will probably be over this. Nicki’s video for Anaconda is already risque, so imagine it on the stage in front of a live audience. Butt. There will be a lot of butt.
Bey Being Bey
The Queen is receiving this year’s Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. If you recall from last year, Justin Timberlake won the same award, with a 15-minute medley of his best songs, including that epic ‘N Sync reunion. So will Bey be able to top it? I believe B is able to do anything she puts her mind to, but it’ll be a close call. If you watch anything from the VMAs, watch this.
Take all of the makeup you actually use on a normal day and put it in one small bag. Sparkly purple eyeliner? The color palette you bought because you saw a tutorial where the girl made her eyes look like a cupcake or whatever? Stash it somewhere else! You don’t need to rifle through all of that on weekdays. If you’re anything like me, before work you just slap some brown crap on your face and hope for the best.
Honestly if it’s not the color of something you could buy deep-fried off a fast food menu, it’s too much for my face and brain to handle at 6:30 in the morning.
*Time saved: A minute or two, anyway.
Anyone who has to pay for parking understands the struggle. By parking my car semi-legally in a grocery store lot (I do buy groceries there) and taking the bus, I save over $200 a year over even the very cheapest lot. By “cheapest lot” I mean the one that is a 15-minute walk from work. The last time I was parked there I almost ran over a man who was sleeping in a parking spot dressed like a pile of clothes.
* Time Saved: Between negative 15 and negative 25 minutes. But I get to use that time either reading a book or being forced into conversation by a weirdo who doesn’t understand that an open book on my lap, headphones in my ears, and responding to everything he says with “hmm” or “yeah?” is international language for Don’t Talk To Me, Thanks. As a child I did get my school’s Student of the Month award for Politeness And Respect In Answering Others, so maybe this is partially my fault. Should be ruder.
* Money Saved: Up to $350 a year