Oh, Canada. The imagery in your national anthem is truly inspiring. This gem of a line from Canada’s number one tune (well, other than the theme to Hockey Night In Canada, Let’s Go To The Mall, and the twinkly piano score to Anne of Green Gables) carried us all through the week.
On Monday, we paid tribute to the true, north, strong and free, and highlighting some of our favorite Canadian musicians on Canadian Thanksgiving .
Drake – Find Your Love
Ah, Aubrey. From wheelchair-bound Degrassi star to hip-hop superstar, you have done your country proud, sir. Can’t say the same for other current popular artists *cough*bieber*cough. It’s hard for people to take you seriously if they know you as the disabled kid from the most famous Canadian teen drama, so props to Drake for proving to everyone that a half-Jewish kid from Toronto can make it.
The Weeknd – Wicked Games
I had always categorized The Weeknd as an R&B singer, but according to Wikipedia, he’s a “PBR&B” artist, which is a term coined by music journalists to describe a new subgenre of R&B that uses more synth and indie beach rock sounds. Also, PBR stands for what you think it does – Pabst Blue Ribbon. Aka the beer of hipsters. Aka PBR&B is slang for hipster R&B (think Frank Ocean, Theophilus London, Jhene Aiko, Miguel, etc.). I’m learning so much! Anyways, it doesn’t matter what genre The Weeknd is, he is dope and has great music, including this song that sounds incredibly sexy but I’m pretty sure it has to do with drugs.
On Tuesday, we talked about the things that make our hearts glow with joy – travel, reality television, and our favorite celebs on The Getaway.
The first season of The Getaway premiered last year, and after the first episode featuring Joel McHale, I was hooked. Other celebs who took the plunge in the first season included Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Seth & Josh Meyers, Eve, and Josh Gad. Here are just a few highlights that will give you a taste of what to expect.
Rashida’s episode in London is my favorite out of the bunch, not only because I adore her, but because London in like another home to her and when she takes us to various places around the city, it’s as if she’s our personal tour guide. And thanks to the help of special guests like Chris O’Dowd and Adam Scott, it makes for a truly hilarious episode. In the scene above, Chris takes her to a super odd shop that’s part boutique and part weird museum that you see in the don’t go here but go here section of travel guide books.
On Wednesday, hearts were glowing in a more eerie, RL Stine-y sense as we hashed out our life lessons from Are You Afraid Of The Dark.
Bedraggled Children Are Creepy
It’s every kid for herself out there, so if you come across a homely, poor, or otherwise unfortunate child, IT’S A TRAP. Do NOT befriend them. I know your feelings will tell you otherwise, but feelings are just nature’s way of letting the weak get killed off by little girl ghosts. If the urchin next door has a shaggy, grown-out bowlcut, the haircut of an unloved child, obviously she was locked in a vacant house a half-century ago. The lonely kid with the bicycle is your childhood friend who you couldn’t save from drowning. And it goes for adults, too. The old lady who lives alone in a cottage isn’t a retiree whose kids live out of state, she’s a witch with a stash of shrunken monkey claws that she’s going to curse you with.
Sweet dreams, children. Everything you’ve been taught about school, friendship, and your community was a lie. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.
Thursday we addressed the non-cartoon Saturday Morning tv from our childhood – radiating a science-y glow (Beakman’s World!) or in a neon, 90s kind of way (California Dreams).
Saved by the Bell: The New Class
We’ve touched based on SBTB:TNC before – in fact we’ve even done the digging for you and told you where your other fave Bayside students are now – but let’s talk about the show for a sec, shall we? The show was one of two spin-off from the OG SBTB, which ended in 1993. The New Class premiered that September, at the same time as the premiere of The College Years. However, instead of being a spin-off, it was more of producers attempting to create the same magic that they had with the first cast. Each OG SBTB character had a TNC doppelgänger. And that’s where they went wrong. Spin-offs aren’t supposed to be a re-creation of a hit show – it’s supposed to use an element from the hit show to make a new hit show. See: Frasier (Cheers), The Jeffersons (All in the Family), Angel (Buffy). Needless to say, I stayed loyal to Zack + Co. over in college. So imagine my disappointment when one year for Christmas I got the SBTB: TNC board game instead of the original cast. Ugh, come on Santa.
California Dreams is like the SBTB spin-off that should’ve been. Like if SBTB’s Hot Sundae took and and toured with the California Dreams, that would’ve been perfect. California Dreams was an slight alternative to SBTB, but you know, in a different part of The Golden State. The show was originally intended to be a family sitcom, focusing on the Garrison family, and the two kids, Matt & Jenny who were in a band. However the show was rebooted in season 2, and focused on the teens in said band instead, and it was a much “better” show after that. It surprisingly lasted for five seasons, and in 2010, Jimmy Fallon managed to get the band back together for a reunion on Late Night. Oh Sly.
And on Friday, we advised you on what to do for fun if your heart starts glowing with Ebola (Note to self: look up Ebola symptoms.)
Okay, but during the government shutdown, when space was closed, you suggested maybe a really high airplane as an alternative. How about it: can I go up in a really high airplane?
Oh, no. No, no, no. No airplanes. Please. Speaking as a human, the concept of flying is terrifying enough. You are not supposed to sit in rows next to strangers, making small talk, watching 30 Rock episodes (still, somehow), and drinking plastic tumblers of booze as you soar above the clouds. The gods have struck humans down for less. But throw an infectious disease into the mix and it’s almost too much to bear. Nobody wants to breathe your Ebola air.
So, no. No airplanes if you’ve been hanging around Ebola and feel a bit feverish. No coughing your Ebola spittle into those scratchy airplane horse blankets. No pooping your Ebola poop in those miniature airplane toilets. And for goodness sake, do not take an airplane to go out of state to try on wedding dresses. Your state has wedding dresses. I guarantee it.
Awesome, so I can try on wedding dresses with my Ebola, as long as I stay in my own state?
Good Christ. NO. Trying on clothes is gross already, all that fabric that’s been on someone’s possibly dirty, possibly sweaty skin; not to mention deciding whether you look good enough in whatever you’re wearing to pay money to continue looking that way – the real reason I rarely try on clothes. But when your sweat, saliva, and latent self-esteem issues get on a dress that you don’t even buy, all you’re doing is leaving it in the dress shop to ruin someone else’s special day. And I will not have it.
Well, the thing is, my wedding is really soon…
You have to cancel that shit. Postpone it, whatever. I don’t watch Game Of Thrones, but I was on the internet after the Red Wedding episode happened. You don’t want that sort of scenario marring your big event. Do you want all your guests to get killed? Or, if not killed, get really bad diarrhea? Put off those nuptials until you can guarantee that they won’t be referred to for time and all eternity as The Brown Wedding.