If you were a teenager in the early 2000s, you probably knew at least one girl who took Aaliyah’s untimely death really hard.
After Saturday’s Lifetime biopic/crap festival/ snooze jamboree Aaliyah: Princess Of R&B, you should probably reach out and check on her.
Aaliyah fangirls aside (and aren’t we all, at least a little bit?), we all sort of love when Lifetime movies are awful. That’s why we live blog them so often. The Aaliyah movie was terrible – of course it was – but something good did come out of it: the Twitter reaction, specifically the #LifetimeBeLike hashtag.
Here are a few of our own takes on Lifetime’s attempts to cast 90s R&B artists:
Lifetime casting: Mary Mary
Lifetime’s reasoning: We thought that’s who that was?
Lifetime’s reasoning: We’re pretty sure they’re twins. Also nobody told us about Spinderella. Does that mean we have to rewrite the movie?
Lifetime’s reasoning: Accidentally signed 3-picture deal with Grumpy Cat. Look for Nighttime Terror, Daytime Running Lights: Scandal In The Suburbs starring Grumpy Cat, debuting in May 2015!
Lifetime casting: Loretta Devine (Brandy), that cute little girl from blackish (Monica)
Lifetime’s reasoning:Under threat of lawsuit from the Norwood camp, this movie must bear no resemblance to persons living or dead. Brandy and Monica are now grandmother and granddaughter. Eh… close enough?
Lifetime’s reasoning: Come on. We’re doing the best we can.
Lil Kim, Big Dreams
Lifetime’s reasoning: We were casting Kim’s 2014 face.
Lifetime’s reasoning: appealing to Lifetime’s original baby boomer lady demographic
Lifetime casting: “Deb from accounting” (Lauryn Hill), “my cousin Erik who’s a really good singer” (Wyclef), and Pras Michel as himself.
Lifetime’s reasoning: Spent whole budget on Pras.
Lifetime’s reasoning: We expect increased demand for En Vogue after airing An En Vogue Christmas
Lifetime’s reasoning: this is a song-for-song recreation of a 1992 Boyz II Men concert in Newark, New Jersey. But with Boyz II Men played by Blackstreet. Because even in 2014, everybody knows that Blackstreet is just a poor man’s Boyz II Men.