This week, we realized just how much L. Ron Hubbard has had an impact on Jaden and Willow Smith…
If it’s not too forward of me to say, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are raising a couple of silly gooses. Willow and Jaden Smith gave an interview to T Magazine this week, and it’s full of quotes that I almost can’t believe. Except I can believe them, because these children were educated by special Scientology schooling and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It’s basically like an interview with that guy from your freshman year dorm who just discovered weed, 100-level philosophy, and socialism at the same time.
I’m sure the Smith children are on a path to becoming caring, well-rounded adults. But even the most grounded adults have cringe-worthy teen years to look back on. Jaden and Willow seem to have missed out on their teenage awkward phase, face-wise. Mazel! But they’ll always have this interview to remember and shudder.
As silly as their interview is, I’ve noticed that if you pull quotes and superimpose them onto tumblr cliches (pictures of the cosmos; hand-lettering) they aren’t that different from stuff everyone’s already posting and reposting.
That’s why we re-imagined these quotes from Jaden and Willow Smith’s crazy T Magazine interview as tumblr cliches:
1) Quote in sans serif font superimposed over a picture taken by a space telescope:
2) Quote in shaky hand-lettering of varying sizes and styles:
Do you think Jaden Smith’s resting confused face is a result of thinking about philosophies of Xenu too hard??
Hi, Jaden Smith. Hey.
You don’t know me.
When you were born, I didn’t have the presence of mind to be annoyed at you for kicking off the name Jaden. It was 1998, and I didn’t know the monster that it would become. Also I was like 11.
And when you appeared alongside your dad in The Pursuit of Happyness, I thought you were adorable.
I don’t so much mind that you pal around with a Mini-Kardashian (well, Jenner, but I’m embarrassed to even know the difference). When you reportedly threw a fit because you weren’t allowed into an over-18 club with Justin Bieber, I didn’t care. You are a child of privilege and Scientology, so Xenu only knows where your head is at. I don’t think I get to judge the actions of a 14-year-old kid who’s had a pretty cushy existence. You still have a lot of growing up to do, after all.
But. BUT. There’s something I have to take up with you. It’s only because I care. It’s your face. I’m over 10 years older than you, and let me tell you, aging starts sooner than you think. Let’s review what you’ve been doing with your face:
Are you noticing a trend? Your forehead is rippled like a piece of bacon in every single picture. EVERY.DAMN.PICTURE. Don’t think that I’m insulting a little kid, because I’m not. I’m trying to help.
Your face is going to freeze that way.
I know you think that’s just something that adults say, but wrinkles are real, and they will happen to you. I’m pretty sure that your religion allows botox (although it frowns on psychiatric drugs), but let’s not let it come to that.
The power is in your hands. Your face doesn’t HAVE to freeze that way.
But it probably will, if you don’t stop.
Also, you look like you’re trying to poop and having a really tough time with it.
I am just saying.