A Plate Full Of Turkey And Pants Full Of Elastic: Happy Thanksgiving From Cookies + Sangria!

By a show of hands, how many people initially ended up here because you thought we were a food blog? Okay, you can put them down now. The important part is, we’re all here together now and I’m glad we’ve found each other. We may not write about sauteeing and bruleeing, but dammit, we like food. So of course, Thanksgiving is a big day around here. We’ve rounded up all of our Thanksgiving-related posts for you – if you like what you see, click on the link and go to the full post.

If you want to visit us elsewhere – and get some T-Gives planning done at the same time – trek over to Apartment Therapy and Brit.co, where our Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade drinking game made an appearance. A bit like running into your teacher at the mall, isn’t it? We’re giant, not-just-saying-that fans of both sites!

Happy Thanksgiving. Wishing you a mouth full of turkey, a glass full of booze, a heart full of joy, and a waistband full of elastic.

Underdog, Beef Trifle and Box Livin’: A Definitive List of Friends’ Best Thanksgiving Episodes

Number Ten
Season 2: The One with the List

Ross must choose between Rachel and Julie and enlists Joey and Chandler’s help in making a list of the pros and cons of each. He chooses Rachel, but she finds the list and gets angry with Ross. Meanwhile, Monica gets a job making food with a synthetic chocolate substitute called Mockolate.

This was the only episode in the show’s 10 year run that was not an official “Thanksgiving episode”. It served as such when it aired in 1995, but there was not real T-Giving banter until the following season. That being said, I still think this is a great episode, not only because everyone’s still on a high from Ross and Rachel’s first kiss, but because Chandler’s laptop is like a life-changing instrument where you can both type semi-offensive documents about your friends but also play Doom. Could it BE anymore 90s?

Number Nine
Season 7: The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs

Phoebe sneaks a puppy into the apartment; Chandler reveals why he hates dogs. Ross becomes obsessed with naming all 50 states in order to earn his Thanksgiving dinner. Phoebe names celery.

Because of Ross, millions of people were left dumbfounded and extremely annoyed that they couldn’t list all 50 states. Unless you’re one of those people who learned the States song when you were younger. In which case you can’t participate in the game or Thanksgiving.


Booze Before Chews: A Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Drinking Game

One Sip/ One Set* of Jumping Jacks if you see…
  •  Matt Lauer, and he has an obvious disdain for his cohost
  • Marching band from the midwest
  • Balloon or float featuring a cartoon character you’ve never heard of
  • Reality star from a show you actually watch
  • Nick Jonas, and you have to deal with weird grown-up feelings (he’s of age, it’s fine)
  • Country singer wearing a cowboy hat
  • Muppets!
  • … and you get choked up seeing Muppets for some reason. Really, what IS that?
  • One of the members of KISS sticking his tongue out
  • A float or balloon of one of your childhood favorites that’s been gone so long that it’s cool again (example: My Little Pony; Carebears)

These Are My Thanksgiving Pants

The Oversized Sweater
T Gives Sweaters

I feel like Thanksgiving and sweaters go hand in hand. It’s the perfect time to wear it, as you’re in the middle of fall and on the cusp of the holiday season, which always remind me of cozy sweaters. I’m sure none of you reading this show up in Champion sweatshirts to dinner, so it goes without saying that a nice, semi-dressy sweater is the best way to look good while feeling good after you eat all the foods.

The Leggings
T Gives Leggings

Remember when girls first started wearing leggings and everyone was like WTF is that and now it’s like the most common thing? I for one, am a fan of leggings, and feel like it’s an easy excuse to go outside without ‘pants’. Recently, I’ve gotten into jeggings, and before you roll your eyes, hear me out – they’re comfortable and if you buy the right pair – don’t look stupid.


Thanksgiving Foods That Say “Screw It” So You Don’t Have To

Can-Shaped Cranberry Sauce

If you’re supposed to bring the cranberry sauce, and you serve a can-shaped loaf of congealed cran-slop, it better be a joke. Like, maybe your friend group thinks it’s funny when food takes the shape of its packaging, or maybe your family always made fun of  your grandma’s canned cranberry sauce – which presumably she brought because she was drunk or hated all of you. Okay. Fine.

But really, if you have been trusted with cranberry sauce, don’t turn it into a joke dish unless you know everyone’s on board — because seriously, can-shaped cran-sauce is the gag gift of Thanksgiving. If everyone’s bringing silly dishes, go for it! It’ll be like a jokey Yankee Swap but with foods instead of dollar-store items. Think hard, though: do you really want the person in charge of meat to bring Spam? Because that’s where things are headed when you serve canned cran.

Burned Canned Crescent Rolls

If Thanksgiving Dinner is high school, the turkey is the homecoming queen or head jock, the stuffing is the cool indie kid who knows all the good music but doesn’t play the popularity game, and the rolls are that kid who you see in the yearbook Senior year and say “wait… does he go here?” It’s no surprise that a lot of us don’t bother with homemade rolls, or even ones from a good bakery.

Rolls are clearly a low-tier Thanksgiving food, and usually Pillsbury’s will do just fine. But if your job was to handle the rolls, and all you can produce is burned crescent rolls, you really didn’t try hard. I think that about 3/5 of food-related arguments on Thanksgiving include the phrase “ALL you had to do was the ROLLS.” Another 1/5 will contain the related complaint: “We gave you ONE thing. ONE.” The other 1/5 are usually weird family stuff that you should probably deal with.


 

Live Blog: Over The River And Through My Nightmares (A Thanksgiving Road Trip With My Parents)

5:31 pm: My dad’s playing Irish music with mad bagpipes. Is this Thanksgiving or a fireman’s funeral?

6:40 pm: Rest stop. 7 year old boy(?) with glossy, curly, waist-length brunette mullet. Its mom looks normal. [Editor’s note: Only a poet or orchestral composer could truly express the triumph and tragedy of this mullet. My words are not — and can never be — enough. Just imagine the cognitive dissonance of seeing the most glorious head of hair you’ve ever seen, seeing it on a second-grade boy, and seeing that hair mutilated into mullet form. It was a waste and a shame on the level of putting a cell tower on Mount Rushmore.]

6:44 pm: Oh ok, but its dad has a curly RED mullet. #Nature vs. Nurture

7:06 pm: My mom’s playing Kenny G now. FESTIVE!! Like I’m Christmas shopping at a JC Penney in the mid-1990s.


 

Just Give Up And Make Your Entire Thanksgiving Dinner Out Of Jello Molds

Potatoes

I’m of Irish descent. I like to believe that somewhere out there in the universe, my ancestors know that I have access to so many potatoes –  so many damn potatoes – that I can mutilate them into the shape of a giant, awful donut and the texture of Gak if I so please. Now, the potatoes are going to have to be a potato salad instead of a traditional mash, but I think you could also add plain gelatin to your mashed potatoes and set it into the mold.

Stuffing (Dressing if you’re nasty)

This really captures the essence of stuffing but without the bread and without having been inside a bird’s tushie. You have your carrots, your celery, your little bits of meat… basically everything but your will to live and your breakfast. Because if you’re eating this, you’ve probably lost both.


 

Blaque Friday, Orphan Black Friday and Beyond: Alternatives To Shopping

Blaque Friday

Remember Blaque? Kind of? The main thing I remember about Blaque, the late 90s girl group, is that they were not TLC or Destiny’s Child but probably wanted to be. But get this: Blaque actually stands for something. No kidding. It’s an acronym for Believing, Life, Achieving, Quest, Unity, Everything. What does that mean? Everything. And nothing. Mostly, absolutely nothing. Still, it makes for a good game if you’re lounging around with friends and relatives. Put a bunch of words in a hat. Everybody has to make up an acronym for the word that they pull. Misspelling the word is fine. So, say you pull Milk. Your Blaque-ronym is Mylk: Miracles, Youth, Love, Knowledge. Or MILKE: Mourning Idaho, Loving Kansas Evermore. The person whose Blaque-ronym makes you laugh the hardest is the winner.

It goes without saying, the soundtrack to this game is either tunes by Blaque, or the feature film Bring It On which features the Blaque members as high school cheerleaders.

Shirley Temple Black Friday

Pour yourself a Shirley Temple (that’s ginger ale and grenadine) then add a splash of any kind of liquor. Any kind at all. Bam! Now it’s a Shirley Temple Black. Round out your Shirley Temple Black Friday with a selection of Shirley Temple films. Come on, I can’t be the only former community theater child around these parts! Get your inner ham on as you sing along to On The Good Ship Lollipop or Animal Crackers In My Soup. Have a Shirley Temple impression-off with your friends and family – especially fun if you’ve already knocked back a few Shirley Temple Blacks.  Sick of Thanksgiving leftovers already? Order some international food, because in her adult life Shirley Temple Black served as an ambassador to Ghana and the former Czechoslovakia.

 

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3 thoughts on “A Plate Full Of Turkey And Pants Full Of Elastic: Happy Thanksgiving From Cookies + Sangria!

  1. Pingback: The White Elephant In The Room | cookies + sangria

  2. Pingback: Hamilton Explained: The Schuyler Sisters | Cookies + Sangria

  3. Pingback: #ThrowbackThursday – The One With All The Thanksgivings | Cookies + Sangria

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