ICYMI: Your Television Is Lying To You

SPOILER ALERT: NOT ALL TELEVISION IS REAL. I KNOWWWWWWW.
Unlike the Housewives or Bachelor or Honey Boo Boo, there are shows out there that not tell us fake stories, but give us unreal expectations about what real life is like. For example, Friends.

Expectations vs. Reality: Friends IRL

It’s been nearly two weeks since all 236 episodes of Friends were made available for streaming on Netflix instant, something that many fans have been looking forward to for years. And while I have seen some folks on the interwebz talking about how they’re binging on the entire series for the first time, we here at Cookies + Sangria have been fans of the show for about half of our lives (as evidenced by this entire week we dedicated to Friends last year). So naturally, when we went to New York City together in September, we had to pay homage to one of the greatest sitcoms of all time by hitting up a couple of the gang’s hot spots. But it’s important to remember that Friends is a TV show.

Yes, I know it’s hard to believe sometimes that these six friends aren’t actually our real friends at all – or even real for that matter (in our hearts and minds 4evr, of course). That being said, sometimes, if you have a certain image of something in your head, or expectations about something you’re looking forward to, it doesn’t always turn out to be what you hoped for, for better or for worse. That kind of happened to us on this trip.

First off, we needed some assistance on getting around parts of the Big Apple, so we consulted with a map. Joey tells us that you have to go into the map to understand it.

Natch, we tried it expecting to get a clear lay of the land:

Photo Sep 19, 1 15 45 PM

But believe it or not, in reality – it didn’t work.

You know what’s a much more efficient way to getting around these days? Your phone’s map app. Too bad Joe didn’t have this back in London (Baby).

Photo Sep 19, 1 16 00 PM


 If that just blew your mindhole, we explored the lies that Zack Morris was telling us all those years about college. Dorm rooms are defo NOT that big, y’all.

Expectations Vs. Reality: Saved by the Bell The College Years

sbtb college

In 1993, the men of Bayside High left Mr. Belding behind and continued on to higher education by attending California University. Now if they were real, which in all honesty they sometimes are in my head, Zack Morris, AC Slater and Samuel ‘Screech’ Powers kicked off their journey exactly 20 years ago this week. “20 YEARS?!”, you say? Yeah. 20 years. 1993 was 20 years ago, and 2003 was 10 years ago, a fact that I always always fail to believe.

Just like real life, Saved by the Bell (the high school era) ended in May, and months later, the crew started college in September and while the constant repeats made us believe this iteration ran on for approx 2 seasons, it actually only ran for 19 episodes. That’s 19 episodes for young, impressionable kids to find out what college life is like through a fake TV show. Seriously, I didn’t know anyone in college at the time, so what I saw on SBTB was what I assumed college (and high school for that matter) was going to be like.

Of course, now I know that it wasn’t really supposed to be treated as a college bible.

Expectation:

All your best friends will go to the same college as you.

Not only will your gang ALL be accepted into the same school, but you will all decide to go there TOGETHER.

Reality:

You will go to college alone.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have a buddy or two. Otherwise, man up and find new friends.

Expectation:

You will share a spacious triple and suite with your roommates

Reality:

You will be crammed into a double with a stranger

Robin Scherbatsky’s cubicle is roughly the size of a normal college dorm room.

Expectation:

You will meet a dreamy boyfriend/girlfriend – and that person will be your professor

Oh Professor Lasky. He was a handsome, single dad who crossed the line with his student/babysitter. At least you’re the reason Kelly decided to finally tie the knot with Zack.

Reality:

You will date randoms and half of them will probably be gay

That’s what college is for, right?

Expectation:

You will be forced to join a sorority/fraternity and undergo a ridiculous hazing process

And that hazing process will include Nickelodeon slime and a frat leader who is actually the younger version of Billy Chambers from Scandal.

Reality:

You don’t have to join Greek Life at all

Nothing against Greek Life, but if you’re like me and are too lazy and poor to join an organized group of friends, this will be a relief.

Expectation:

You will be able to redecorate anything and everything in your dorm

And your suite (which connects the boys room to the girls room) will be big enough for a poker table in the living room.

Reality:

No tacks, staples, tape on the walls, no microwave, no hot plate, no fridge, and absolutely no room for anything.

In reality, not a big deal. But still annoying.

Expectation:

Turning a dorm room into a rave will be super easy and fun and include stolen nitrous oxide from the science department

Painting the walls black will be a breeze! And all these people in a small area won’t break any RA-set sound ordinances or anything.

Reality:

You won’t even go to rave, just a bunch of house parties in dingy apartments/basements, fill your red solo cups with indiscernable types of alcohol

Honestly, all part of the college experience and worth the vomiting for the anecdotes

Expectation:

You will befriend a lab monkey who later escapes but then comes back

Screenshot 2014-09-03 23.29.34

This was an actual plot line. And that chimp is actually wearing a dress.

Reality:

No monkeys. No monkeys at all.

Thank God. Although it sounds kinda fun, no? Yeah, no.

 

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