For a certain kind of person, there are two seasons: pumpkin spice latte season, and red Starbucks cup season. And they even overlap a little! How fun.
Or it was fun, until this year when Starbucks released their red cup with no Christmas decoration on it. None! Not an ornament, not a snowman, not a snowflake. Not even a bird. They at least had birds last year. Wait, that’s a Christmas thing, right? Christmas birds?
Ah, well. Starbucks is probably the kind of company that celebrates “holiday” or “Xmas.” Please, point me to the Bible where “X” died on the cross for my sins. Sounds more like a comic book.
Without any Christmas – excuse me, “holiday” – designs on the cup, all we’re left with is red. Which is exactly the color of our Lord Jesus’s blood. Coincidence? Barely. Red – the color of the devil in most cartoons! Red – the blood of angry men! The only design is a green lady who looks like a pagan sea witch, at worst, or the Virgin Mary, at best (and that’s still a little too Catholic for my tastes, to be honest).
All right. So the above paragraphs don’t represent my views on this year’s Starbucks red cups, which, as best I can tell, are just cups. That are red. Because Christmas. However, if all of the counter-outrage I’m seeing on Facebook and Twitter is to be believed, there are hundreds, or maybe thousands of people all up in arms about some red cups for overpriced coffee. Except … have you actually seen these people? Like in real life, do you know anybody who’s angry about this? Because I don’t. I’m sure they exist, but they’re the same kind of Million Mom, Promise Keepers yokels we’ve all gotten so good at tuning out.
Instead of the War On Christmas ™, now we’re faced with the War On The War On Christmas. And the first battle of 2015 is these darn red cups that made Baby Jesus cry.
The #ItsJustACup hashtag is either sticking it to the foot soldiers of the War On Christmas, or encouraging them. Here are some choice contributions:
So what are we to do? I don’t know. I guess we could declare The War On The War On The War On Christmas. Like, express our annoyance at the people who are annoyed at the people who are annoyed? But gosh, that makes my head hurt. So instead we’re starting our war logs for The War On The War On Christmas. Here at C+S, we’re playing Switzerland in this one, if only because Switzerland has fantastic chocolates and charming holiday traditions. The first battle is almost over, dear comrades in Ugly Christmas Sweaters, but the war is far from won.