Just, like, some housekeeping* before we get going on this:
*Ha. I know.
- Are we still allowed to vote for Dancing With The Stars?
- … America’s Got Talent, too?
- Can we keep the Sister Suffragette song from Mary Poppins? I think we can all agree that song is good.
Last thing I want is a big hole in the middle of Mary Poppins. That is TOO FAR.
- If I choose to stop paying taxes since I can’t vote, did I just join the Tea Party?
- If so can I wear a tricorn cap, because that would be a plus:
- Do women’s votes since 1920 un-count? What I mean is, is Mike Dukakis or somebody going to retroactively win once we take half the votes out of it?
- If so, do we need to hire that guy who writes those books about, you know, what would have happened if George Washington drowned in the Delaware River or whatever so he can let us know where America should be?
- What happens if we retroactively un-elect some of the guys who voted to repeal the 19th to begin with? How many times do we have to do this?
- Are we going to rename everything that’s named after the suffragettes? I ask because I live in Western NY where a bunch of our roads and bridges are named after people like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Let’s figure this out ASAP, because I’m bad enough with directions as it is. Women drivers, am I right?
- Wait, can we still drive?
- How much trouble am I in if I vote? Let’s say I show up at the polls. Is it jail time or more like a parking ticket type situation? And once I’ve put my ballot in the machine they can’t tell whose it was, so it still gets counted, right?
- Once we figure out the laws penalizing female suffrage, what are we going to call them?
- We’re calling them Jane Crow laws, right?
- Jill Crow laws?
- How exactly are we going to repeal the 19th?
- I mean, I know HOW an amendment gets repealed, because it’s in the 5th amendment (by the way, you would have to use the 5th amendment to repeal the 5th amendment. That’s some inception shit there). But logistically, what chain of events could lead that to happen? Here’s the 5th, for reference:
The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.
- Women make up roughly 20% of most elected bodies (yeah, still not great), ergo at least some women would have to vote to repeal the 19th in order to reach the ¾ majority. But then wouldn’t their votes… uncount? Meaning the ¾ majority could never be reached?
- Let’s just grab that last clause for a minute, with no state without its consent being deprived of equal suffrage in the senate. Since our female representatives are useless at voting, they’re out of the legislature, right? But then a state is deprived of its equal suffrage in the senate if they, prior to the repealer, had sitting female senators. Wouldn’t those states have to consent to that?
- I mean, the men in those states? Sorry.
- Actually, since they’re only trying to REPEAL the 19th, not enact affirmative federal legislation BANNING female suffrage, isn’t this up to the states after the fact? Can’t we all just live in the states that let us vote and leave North Dakota and Oklahoma or whatever empty if they choose to abolish female suffrage?
- Do we automatically revert to which states had female suffrage before the 19th amendment was enacted? If so, lots of us are in luck (less so in the South and the weirder parts of New England, sorry.)
- Let’s say female suffrage goes away entirely. I would guess we’d go back to that thing where your husband votes for both of you. But say you don’t have one… can I pick which man is my voting proxy, or are we randomly assigned? And are we sure that we want to make U.S. voter turnout even worse than it already is by (a) getting rid of half the voters and (b) adding GROUP WORK?!
- Can anybody who wants to “repeal the 19th” name 10 amendments other than the 19th and the 2nd? Heck. 5 amendments. And I already gave you the 5th.