Fixed It For Ya: Popular Tweets, Inflated To 280 Characters

The 140-character tweet is pulling a 280, like it or not. It feels a bit like your third-grade teacher assigning a haiku then saying “but it can be as long as you want.” That’s not a haiku, it’s free verse; 280 characters isn’t a tweet, it’s a screed. Besides, with so much vile speech spewing from Twitter, do we really need it to be twice as long?

To play around with the new confines, I’m looking at some of the most-liked and most-retweeted tweets of all time  and inflating them to 280 characters.

A note: most of these come in well under Twitter’s 140 character limit to begin with, and that’s the real takeaway here. Even if the Twitter character limit doubles, you can still be as brief as you wanna be.

Before:

After:

HELP ME GOD, OH MY DEAR LORD, WON’T THE PEOPLE OF TWITTER COME TO MY AID, PLEASE. I IMPLORE YOU. A MAN – THIS MAN, ME, CARTER WILKERSON, NEEDS HIS NUGGS. NUGGETS. I NEED NUGGETS AND I NEED YOUR RETWEETS. THERE ARE 18 MIL RETWEETS BETWEEN ME AND ONE YEAR’S SUPPLY OF WENDYS NUGGETS

Before:

After:

If only Bradley’s arm was longer. If only Angelina lifted her head a few inches. If only four subjects weren’t in the same outfit. If only we had included one unattractive person for contrast. If only we had all agreed on a filter. This would truly be the Best photo ever. #oscars

Before:

After:

Hi everybody! Back to the original handle. Is this thing still on? Ok good. Michelle and I are “off on a quick vacation” AKA I’m still president but we can’t tell the other guy. DON’T TELL HIM, OK. Gotta make it look like I’m Eat Pray Loving for 2 wks then we’ll get back to work.

Before:

After:

LIMONADA.x
I’M INTERNET FAMOUS & COULD PUT ANY RANDOM NOUN/EMOJI COMBO HERE & GET A CRAZY NUMBER OF RTs. IT WAS LIMONADA🚊 BUT COULD’VE BEEN
BIBLIOTECA🚀
OR
MAQUILLAJE 🧗‍♂️
OR
PAYASO🕰️
REMEMBER THAT REALLY CLEVER QUIP YOU MADE YESTERDAY THAT GOT 0-2 LIKES?
ANYWAY HERE’S LIMONADA

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