Barack Obama | Cookies + Sangria

Rejoice Americans, feminists and muscular arm lovers – it’s First Lady Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday! Yeah, I can’t believe this woman is 50 years old either.

On turning 50 in January: “I have never felt more confident in myself, more clear on who I am as a woman. But I am constantly thinking about my own health and making sure that I’m eating right and getting exercise and watching the aches and pains. I want to be this really fly 80-, 90-year old.”

Whether you’re a Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree that Mrs. Obama is one of the most respectable First Ladies we’ve had, and here are just some of the reasons why I, like I imagine many women, strive to be as classy, graceful and seemingly affable as Michelle O.

The Time She Covered Vogue

As seen from the two photos above, Michelle is clearly Vogue-worthy. When this issue came out last April, I think I actually snapped my fingers and said WERK outloud. It’s not an easy feat to cover the world’s leading high fashion magazine, but I guess when you’re in a high position of power like Mich, it’s an easier task to accomplish.

From 2009 – because yeah, she’s been on the cover twice.

The Time Michelle Got Bangs

Days before the Inauguration last January, Mich surprised us all by debuting her new ‘do. Bangs. The Bangs heard ’round the world. Seriously. These bangs almost got more attention that the Inauguration itself. It was a thing everyone, everywhere was talking about. It spawned its own Twitter account. People thought she was having a mid-life crisis. ALL BECAUSE OF BANGS. But Mrs. O shot them down and was all, ‘I can do whatever the hell I want. Sit down.’ I, on the other hand, got bangs recently and someone actually said to me, ‘Oh, like Michelle Obama?’ I mean, yes, but NO. It’s a hairstyle. EVERYONE CALM DOWN.

The Time She Rolled Her Eyes At John Boehner

Name one First Lady who can throw better shade than this. During this Inauguration Day luncheon, Michelle was sitting in between Hubs and Speaker of the House John Boehner. Now on TV, no one really knew what they were talking about and why she was rolling her eyes. Come to find out later that apparently the boys were discussing smoking – which Barack has famously quit doing – but the men couldn’t help but crack jokes about it. This is Mich proving she could give less fucks about who she rolls her eyes at.

The Time She Did Push-Ups With Ellen

Because two of the greatest women in the world should obviously have a push-up contest. Also note snarkiness to Ellen.

The Time She Hung Out With Muppets

And showed off her guns. To promote healthy living, of course.

The Time She Mom Danced With Jimmy Fallon

If there was any question of Michelle’s cool factor, just watch this video. The woman is game for anything. Even dancing next to a male comedian dressed in drag on a late night talk show.

The Time She Slayed At The Oscars

It was hour 10 of the 2013 Oscars and the last category of Best Picture was up, when all of a sudden, a vision came on the screen. It was Michelle Obama, in all her beautiful, silver gown glory reporting live from the White House. And all was right with the world.

The Time She Spoke About Her Husband

Michelle took the stage at the Democratic National Convention in 2012 and delivered one of the greatest and invigorating speeches I’ve ever seen. It’s clear that she is a smart, headstrong and focused woman, but she’s also a loving wife and mother. She proved that she’s not just in office to stand by her husband’s side and wave at the cameras, she’s there for a purpose.

“When people ask me whether being in the White House has changed my husband, I can honestly say that when it comes to his character, and his convictions and his heart, Barack Obama is still the same man I fell in love with all those years ago.”

“Well today, after so many struggles and triumphs and moments that have tested my husband in ways I never could have imagined, and I have seen firsthand that being president does not change who you are. No, it reveals who you are.”

“And I did not think it was possible, but let me tell you today, I love my husband even more than I did four years ago. Even more than I did 23 years ago when we first met.”

Generally, November is a big month for politics, with Election Day and all. But this year our November was filled with the stuff late night talk show hosts dream of. From Chris Christie to cracktown’s Mayor Rob Ford, there was no shortage of politicians to take aim at. Keeping up with the spirit of democracy, here is a list of songs we think would fit American politicians – whether they be disgraced or not.

Click here for the whole playlist on Spotify!

Traci’s Picks

Barack Obama – Can’t Get Enough of Your Love by Barry White

I feel like the President gets all kinds of Barry White on Michelle behind White House doors, and I realize this may seem awkward and weird, but let’s be honest, we’ve all thought about it. So I’m just putting it out there. Just picture him mouthing the words along with B White in the beginning…

Larry Craig – I Love the Nightlife by Alicia Bridges

We talked about this Idaho Senator last week and we’re going to keep on talking about him, even though it’s been six years since he was arrested for lewd conduct in a men’s restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport and soliciting an undercover cop for sex. Again, I’m not saying he’s gay… but… I will say that there’s a reason I picked this *disco* song that may or may not be a staple at various clubs where people of the same sex hookup… Definitely not saying that.

Joe Biden – All Eyez on Me by 2Pac

Our Vice President gets a lot of flack, but there’s a reason why Leslie Knope has such a huge infatuation with him – he’s got swag. Lots of it.

Eliot Spitzer – Still Not a Player by Big Pun

Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer reportedly had at least seven sexy meetups with prostitutes from a hooker agency (it actually has a name) over the period of six months, paying more than $15,000 for their services. And that was just during the time he was under surveillence. He allegedly had been doing it for years, splurging up to $80,000 for prostitutes, first as attorney general and later as the governor.

He resigned from his post in 2008, only to be followed by everyone’s favorite legally blind politician, David Paterson.

Wendy Davis – Who Run the World (Girls)

If I have to explain this to you, you should probably just leave this blog right now. Or if you’re from somewhere outside the U.S. and don’t keep up with American politics, just know this woman is a fierce politician who must have legs of steel.

Molly’s Picks

Rob Ford – Sorry by Nerf Herder

As Ford becomes a walking Chris Farley character, his mistakes get bigger and weirder. Running through city hall drunk? Using coke in a “drunken stupor?” Knocking over a city councilwoman like an excited Great Dane? It’s not too much of a stretch to imagine Ford doing everything in this song – then issuing one of his daily apologies. What can I do? It’s over it’s over it’s over it’s over.

Bill Clinton – Rico Suave by Gerardo Mejia

Listen, you don’t earn a nickname like Slicky Willy without being really, almost cartoonishly smooth – just like Rico Suave. Clinton’s not a big ol’ cad like the guy in this song, but some of the lyrics work pretty well for a suave, swoon-worthy politician (What? I know it’s not just me.) Seguro que han oido que yo soy educado…

Mitt Romney – Rockin’ The Suburbs by Ben Folds

Mitt Romney is squeaky-clean in that well-off suburban Mormon way. He wasn’t pictured grabbing a beer with constituents on the campaign trail, but he sure did enjoy a good ice cream cone. When he lost in 2012, SNL showed him drowning his sorrows in milk. I think a lot of Romney’s supporters were clean-living suburbanites, too. But of course, a politician has to show that he understands the problems of the common man. Or, as Ben Folds wrote “y’all don’t know what it’s like being male, middle class and white.” You keep on rocking those suburbs, Mr. Romney.

Al Gore – Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows feat. Vanessa Carlton

Gore’s points about environmentalism and global warming are well-taken. It’s just that his delivery – both with his environmental politics and his presidential run – is not very compelling. So, he’s pretty much the human version of a mild-mannered 2000s cover of a mild-mannered 1960s Save the Earth song.

Sarah Palin – Stupid Girls by Pink

In 2012, CNN played this song to introduce a Sarah Palin segment and a minor kerfuffle ensued. However, it does kind of … work. Pink wasn’t singing about people with low IQs, she was talking about ladies who put on a dumb persona because they think people will like them more. I think Palin did the same thing — I doubt she’s an actual dummy judging by her credentials, but I think she thinks the stupid act is endearing. Dumb isn’t cute.