LL Cool J Has a Really Good Publicist

It’s not the ladies that just love cool James. Everyone wants a piece of him.

I started noticing a year or so ago that  LL was showing up at every public event I saw on TV/online/in magazines, etc. Sure, he’s one of those multi-faceted actors that is always busy doing something, so naturally he’s everywhere. But Todd (because we’re friends and I call him that) was appearing in the oddest of places, making me think that this man has a pretty good publicist to get him all these appearances. I mean pre- Brad Paisley/Accidental Racist controversy, seeing LL at any country music awards show was beyond mind-boggling. Mix the unexpectedness with the frequency at which he was popping up, I feel like it’s LL’s world and we’re just living in it. Here are a few appearances of note:

Grammy Awards – 2013 (host), 2012, 2010, 2009

People’s Choice Awards – 2013, 2010

Creative Arts Emmys – 2012

Academy of Country Music Awards – 2012

NAACP Image Awards – 2012, 2011, 2010, 2007

Spike TV Video Game Awards – 2011, 2008

Primetime Emmy Awards – 2011, 2010, 2009

Screen Actors Guild Awards – 2011

Golden Globe Awards – 2011

BET Hip Hop Awards – 2011, 2008

CNN Heroes – 2010

Teen Choice Awards – 2010

Tony Awards – 2004

yes, that’s carol channing. ll cool j presenting with hello dolly at the tony awards.

And then there were the times he showed up on random shows…

Project Runway – 2008 (Guest Judge) 

Sesame Street – 2010

Not to mention all the talk shows he’s been on, Jay Leno, Ellen, The Talk, Big Morning Buzz Live (VH1), Craig Ferguson, Piers Morgan, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan, Jimmy Fallon, Carson Daly, Martha Stewart, Rachael Ray, The View, etc.

And of course, you can always catch him on NCIS (where he apparently plays a superhero)

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Roger Sterling, Silver Fox: My Top Old Man Crushes

Mad Men is back on the air, and with it, is one of my favorite grey-haired characters, Roger Sterling. I’d like to say this is outside the norm for me, this attraction to a mature gent, but truth be told it isn’t. Even though I’m young-ish, most of the time I’m into a celebrity, it begins with the phrase “I have this weird crush on…”.

If, like me, you think that Roger Sterling is pure platinum, then maybe you will understand the following weird crushes:

Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton was my first weird crush, probably. This dates back, embarrassingly enough, to his sex scandal days. However, I probably didn’t fully understand that at the time, because I was a pint-sized 11-year-old at Catholic school. In hindsight, I don’t know if my crush began with Slick Willy himself or with Clinton as played by Darrell Hammond, because I was really into SNL at the time. Actually, the latter is probably more embarrassing, so let’s just say not that. Really, I like Bill in spite of the Lewinsky thing, not because of it. He’s so smart and charismatic! Babies love him, as do some old people. Bill’s a charmer. Besides, if anything or anyone is Hillary Clinton-endorsed, they can’t be half bad.

Friedrich Bhaer

Friedrich Bhaer is a fictional character. He’s not what you’d call real, exactly.  He is a  much-older German professor who takes up with Jo March at the end of Little Women, but he’s exactly the right match for her. She and Laurie wouldn’t have worked out, long-term. Anyway, in Little Men, they open up a boarding school for boys and it’s pretty much the cutest. In the 1994 film adaptation, Bhaer was played by a dapper, gray-tinted Gabriel Byrne, and it really worked. Or, it really worked if you were the world’s creepiest third-grader, anyway.

Christoph Waltz

As I sort of suddenly discovered during the Oscar liveblog, I have a weird crush on Christoph Waltz. I don’t know. I guess my type is middle aged, kindly, intelligent German nationals. But he is kind of appealing, right? No? All the more aging Bavarian men for me, then.

This One Professor I Had In Law School

This guy taught… I don’t know, civil procedure? Criminal procedure? He taught a class in law school that I definitely attended. We called him the Silver Fox and he was, he really was. I wish I still worked in his legal market so I could run my hands through his glimmering locks… or, I mean, attend one of his CLEs.

The Late Paul Newman, Circa 1980s

I’m not even sorry about it.

The Gracefully Aging Matt LeBlanc And Matthew Perry

In normal cases, I’d list these two without reservations. The only problem is that their greying hair also carries with it the demise of my youth. I don’t like that reminder. But still…

Roger Sterling

Obviously.

I’m pretty sure this is the reason I never joined a sorority

As a young adult, and into my teen years, I always pictured myself going to college. The exact school and location were a little murky, but the vision was always there. But there was one thing I knew for sure, and that was I was never ever going to join a sorority.

Before you sorority or frat people get all huffy, let me explain. My knowledge of Greek life was based on TV and movies. Stuff like Old School, Dead Man on Campus, The House Bunny, Legally Blonde, that one Rush Week episode of Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

The kind of degrading and embarrassing activity and inappropriate hazing rituals scared me beyond belief, and I wanted absolutely no part of it. Of course I know now that not all frats and sororities are like the ones we see in the media. Except once in a while, the truth comes out, and the crazy Greek life people come out of hiding.

You may have seen this story make its rounds the past week. A student at the University of Maryland and Delta Gamma sorority member  sent an astonishing, foul-mouthed letter to her fellow sisters, and it leaked on the internet.

In this e-mail, the executive board member goes off on the ladies for “fucking up” Greek Week, particularly lashing out on the fact they’re not properly socializing with their matchup frat, Sigma Nu. Warning: This contains profanity, CAPS LOCK, and a lot of douchebaggery.

This is LITERALLY the first line:

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

 I’M SORRY, WHAT? WHAT AM I READING RIGHT NOW. A LETTER FROM THE DEVIL, THAT’S WHAT. She goes on…

We have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING.

Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

And what may be my favorite line out of the whole thing (besides the phrase ‘cunt punt’)

Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events.

…….

Since I don’t completely understand how Greek Week/Life works, I still don’t fully understand what the basis of her problem is, but that doesn’t matter. The fact is is that this bitch is CRAY. Was it really that necessary to write this horrific e-mail and send it out? I mean, I guess it would be more “appropriate” to do it at a meeting or something (for the record, I don’t think she should’ve said any of it in the first place, but hey what do I know), but with an e-mail sent out to all the chapter, there is a physical record of her being an asshole. Not to mention, now that this is out in the universe, and her real name has been revealed (Rebecca Martinson – all around racist, overprivileged scumbag), this is not going away. This is the INTERNET. No matter how hard she or the chapter President tries to get rid of this disaster, one day, a potential employer will Google her name and find out she’s a horrible human being.

But really, what an asshole move. Just, no. We need to be nicer to each other, frreal. And this letter is just an extreme version of what I pictured sorority life would be. Again, I know it’s not every sorority out there that has members like this, but I’m glad I never found out.

If you want a good laugh, check out the amazing actor Michael Shannon do a dramatic reading of the entire letter. Again: ‘cunt punt.’

Screen shot 2013-04-23 at 9.58.03 PM(video does not embed, click on pic!)

You Can Throw That Away: Childhood Items My Mom is Hoarding

My mom recently called me to ask if she could give my Disney’s The Lion King comforter to my cousin.

Two things about this inquiry:

A) I don’t live at home anymore, haven’t lived there since 2006.

B) I am 27 years old. This was something I used when I was approx 10 years old.

C) I have a queen bed. This is for a twin.

D) This is what it looks like (more or less)

 

Here’s the thing – I suppose it was nice of her to ask if I still needed it, but… really? Oh, forgot to mention my cousin, who she wants to hand it down to, is about 17 years old. I found this picture on eBay, so she should probs just sell it there instead. I mean she should do that, but she won’t because my parents still use AOL.

Anyways, it boggles my mind to think that my mom would think I could use this any time soon. Perhaps she asked for sentimental value purposes, but honestly I forgot it existed and if I wanted it, I would’ve taken it to fit my bed by now.

To paint you a picture, my bedroom back at home has been relatively untouched since I lived there, which means it hasn’t been redecorated since I was in high school. There is a library of VHS tapes, Backstreet Boys memorabilia, photos of my friends from my youth, and pictures of my favorite celebs ripped out of Teen People magazine.

So as you can imagine, this isn’t the first time my mom has asked if I was still going to use childhood items. Here are a few notable others:

Beauty and the Beast comforter

Apparently I was really into keeping warm with the entire Disney family

Notebooks from High School

Never going to use those Chemistry notes. Didn’t understand it then, won’t understand it now.

VHS Rewinder

Kids, long before DVDs, we had these ‘tape’ things that usually required another machine in order to start the movie from the beginning.

Stamp/embossing collection

Okay, in all fairness, thanks to my recent history working at an invitation/stationery store, as well as interest in crafting, this might be useful. Except I haven’t used those items since circa 1995, so better that it goes to someone who can use it. In related news, I was a dork.

Be My BFF: A Love Letter to Anna Kendrick

Of course I was aware of Anna Kendrick, mainly from Up in the Air, not Twilight (c’mon, folks). But the more TV interviews I saw of her, the more I knew we could potentially be the best of friends. Obviously I did some further research on Anna, and I made the connection that she was in Camp, one of the most niche, musical theater movies ever. In my opinion, she stole the show with her fantastic, mature version of Ladies Who Lunch. I used to listen to that version over and over again in 2003, and had no idea who she was or what was to become of her. Turns out, Anna had been on Broadway when she was only 12 years old, and had already been nominated for a Drama Desk Award AND a Tony Award!! My brain exploded. She was a theater girl?!!?  WE WERE MEANT TO BE. Then my fasination with her only began to grow, as I watched every interview, read every tweet, stalked every Instagram pic.

And that, fellow readers, is why she has a restraining order against me.

I jest. In an effort to get you all on board with the AK47 (which is her Twitter name and I just realized how awesome it was), here’s a few reasons why she is just the most awesome person ever. If you’re reading this… let’s be pals.

Accurately explaining the difference between East Coasters vs. West Coasters on Ellen

“Mysoginistic rapper Anna Kendrick has a dirty Taco Bell secret” on Conan

She already likes Azns (Per her Funny or Die sketch with real K-Pop group f(x) )

In the event you haven’t seen Pitch Perfect (do it), AK47 is an amazing singer

Like, really, really good. And living out the dream of singing with Kristin Chenoweth

Like, she’s so good, she’s playing the lead in the musical adaptation of The Last Five Years – WHICH IS ONLY MY FAVORITE MUSICAL EVER

She hangs out with the coolest people


But also wants to be friends with celebs, just like us

Laura Benanti, Broadway goddess




We have the same feels




And insecurities





And pop culture interests





And is just hilarious, in general






In short, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. And to answer your question, dough. Always dough.

What is happening to Amanda Bynes

Guys, shouldn’t we be more worried about Amanda Bynes? She’s clearly going through some kind of Britney-eque identity crisis and we’re just letting it all happen? Where are her parents? Does Nickelodeon have some kind of alumni rehab facility she can go to? Possible rehabmates could include but are not limited to: Kel Mitchell, Shelby Woo, Marc Weiner, Kirk Fogg, and the guy who voiced Chuckie on Rugrats (these people don’t actually have addictions or need life help, I’m just saying).

For a refresher, here’s what our dear old Amanda used to be like:

Doing stand-up at 10 years old. And yes, that’s Arsenio Hall introducing her and saying her name incorrectly.

Ask Ashley All That

Amanda and Channing Tatum kidding around for She’s the Man

Sydney White

Being snarky on What I Like About You

When she dated a black guy on Hairspray instead of trying to be a black girl IRL

annnnddd now…




… this video tho…

And of course her now infamous Tweets










and finally, who can forget this mumbo jumbo…

In short, dear Amanda,

Amy Poehler: Sage to all

If you know either Molly or I, or have even been reading this blog for a while, you know that we have a special place in our heart for Amy Poehler. So naturally, I follow (read: stalk) everything she does. Amy started a website/YouTube channel a while ago called Smart Girls at the Party, which inspires, encourages, and features young, smart, women. All their featured shows are fantastic (and even involve dance parties!), but one of my favorites on the site (and on the internet) is Ask Amy.

This is a series of short videos in which Amy answers viewer questions, and focuses on one topic per episode. You may have seen the latest episode make its rounds on the internet.

I Love You Boston

As you can tell, she approaches these videos and topics from an honest, earnest place, and genuinely wants to give advice to everyone watching. What’s touching about this particular episode is that Amy, who is a Boston-area native, is clearly fed up with last week’s horrific events, and her downcast and fed up demeanor exemplifies exactly what I’m assuming all of America is feeling right now. And while we may not have all the answers to what’s going on, there is something we can do to prevent from becoming too saturated with the bad things in the world.

Sigh. I love her so much. Here are a few of my favorite episodes, but I suggest you check the whole site out!!

Goodbye
“The only thing we can depend on is change… Life is just a series of moments… a string of pearls that make up the necklace of your life and every once in a while to complete the circle, you need to end a chapter.” (Bonus Abel at the end!!!)

Decisions
“Most decisions aren’t final. Feelings change all the time. You can always change your mind and taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting because we never know whats going to happen. Every day something new comes our way. Isn’t that exciting?”

Letting Go

“Let go of the idea of trying… Letting go suddenly is an act of faith and the universe provides for you what is really meant to be.”

Courage

“Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it.”

Stress
In which Amy sits in a bathtub and calls herself a crazy person.

Lovestruck: The Musical: The Liveblog: The WORST

– I am a minute late and have no idea what’s going on, though I don’t think I’ve missed much. I was making tea for the first minute or so. Also, a bowl of fruit with a couple nilla waifers. I ended up with the wafers by accident today: I was shopping with a two-year-old who sneaked them into the cart. I like how casual the name is: ‘nilla. They aren’t bad. But seriously, never let a toddler go free-range at Target. They don’t understand how money works but are very fascinated by everything, like greedy, tiny aliens.

– A 60-ish year old woman is singing Just Dance by Lady Gaga. God, I miss this era of Lady Gaga. Everything was so new and interesting and beautiful then, like falling in love when you still believe in it.

– They keep cutting to a young blonde girl so I think she’s important. Now’s the time to tell you that I’m PRETTY AMAZING with subtleties like this. If there’s a gun on the mantle in the first act, the young pretty blond is the star of the movie by the second minute, that kind of thing.

– The older lady is the young blond’s mom. Didn’t see that coming. I’m already less pretty amazing than I thought. The young blonde is in the show that the mom is.. directing? Choreographing? And the mom isn’t happy because YB wants to move to Europe with the man she loves.

– Some woman (Amanda) who is probably evil because she has dark hair and is wearing all black, finds a vitality tonic. Bingo. Gun on the mantle.

– Mirabella. Mirabella is young blonde’s name. The older woman has already declared “I am your MOTHER!” 8-10 times so I’m pretty sure that’s a bit of a plot point.

– DAMN IT. Old woman is named Harper. That’s my dog’s name. She is going to be freaking.out. for this whole movie. Before you say anything, I named my dog before Posh Spice, Kelly Kapowski, and Doogie Houser named their babies, thanks.

– Italy! Beautiful, beautiful stock footage!

– Harper drank the vitality tonic and became young and attractive. FYI, I’m on IMDB trying to find out if I should know all of these people, but I really shouldn’t, don’t worry. Harper has turned into Chelsea Kane, from such hit films as The Bratz Movie. My friend and I used to dislike the shit out of Bratz in their heyday, in large part due to Baby Bratz. They were all sassy with their short skirts and diapers, and we imagined that they were all saying things like “hey, look’it my tush!” and we were always like “noooo, I really don’t want to look at your tush.” In any event, she’s singing I Want To Dance With Somebody, which is a really fun song at a wedding reception or when you’re driving. I guess when you suddenly become 30 years younger, after the initial shock subsides, you just want to DANCE. Luckily, there are plenty of guys here to dance with, and everyone knows the steps. Harper changes outfits like 5 times during the song.

– Also from IMDB: This movie has fewer than two stars.

– Old Harper is Jane Seymour. Thanks to Dr. Quinn, I never would have recognized her without a calico frock and a 4-foot-long braid. I thought she was making enough cash-money off of those open heart necklaces she’s always schilling that she wouldn’t have to do this sort of thing. I guess she just really, you know, believes in the product.

– Gold tinted stock footage of a beautiful Italian villa, and a building that looks sort of like Chilton from Gilmore Girls.

– Mirabella is played by Sara Paxton, who you may recognize from the cinematic great, You’re Invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley’s Christmas Party. I’m familiar. In college, we used to watch You’re Invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley’s School Dance Party while we were getting ready to go out sometimes. BTW, Paxton has a really beautiful head of hair. Enviable.

– Harper is pretending to be Mirabella’s cousin. I can’t wait for the scene where the truth gets revealed and everyone’s feelings are hurt due to all the deception! Because that will mean that this movie is ending. And it’s really quite boring.

– Someone mentions the color puce. Does that remind anyone else of Summer of the Swans, or did I seriously date myself there?

– Harper has texted/ called Amanda, and now Amanda knows what’s up. I have decided that she is Harper’s personal assistant. Also, Amanda glances at a poster of the young Harper to see what her young self looked like. The poster is from a flapper revue. I know that Jane Seymour isn’t supposed to be a spring chicken, but I don’t think she was exactly supposed to be round tabling at the Algonquin and partying in West Egg, right? I am expecting a subplot where she’s actually 120 years old and has been bathing in virgin blood or has a portrait that ages for her in the attic.

– I think Harper is flirting with her daughter’s fiance, but I can’t be positive because I’m too bored to pay much attention. She wants to break them up so Mirabella can be a STAR. She is also wearing a weird, floppy corrugated shirt with a GIANT purple flower. Kinda Georgia O’Keefe-y. Um, does she know what those were supposed to be? And is it supposed to be from her middle-aged wardrobe, or did she go shopping real quick when she got young? I don’t know why I’m looking for logic in a tele-musical about a woman who drinks a special tonic that turns her into a Bratz doll.

This freakin’ shirt. What this picture doesn’t tell you is that it has a weird wavy texture, like someone accordion-folded it because they needed a quick fan and were 7 years old.

– A group of girls, including Harper and Mirabella, are at the pool sharing their losing their virginity stories, because Mirabella doesn’t realize that her mom’s there and I guess other audience members have higher tolerance for secondhand embarrassment than I do. Harper wears a giant sun hat, which is stupid because it’s not like she needs to worry about aging.

– OH. That was all a setup so Mirabella could sing Like A Virgin. That makes sense. I think one of Mirabella’s friends is a Cheetah Girl. Does anyone have receipts on that? They’re all singing and dancing together, which I was expecting — unlike the time I wasn’t POSITIVE that From Justin To Kelly was a musical when Traci, I, and our high school friends went to it. This is not good.

– It’s like they just tried to make a plot around whatever songs they could get the rights to. I honestly think that’s what’s happening. I’m half expecting to hear public domain tunes like Wheels On The Bus if they run out of pop songs.

– Whenever the plot needs to move forward, Amanda calls and gives information. Mirabella is out of the show if she doesn’t come back, and the tonic is from a vaudeville trunk, because of course. I think that’s wrong because vaudeville trunks would just have top-hats, curly mustaches, and those giant canes you use to pull people offstage.

– Back at Chilton, Mira is trying on her wedding dress. At this point, I realize that I should have just tracked down a Mamma Mia DVD if I wanted to see people singing and dancing in Europe during wedding shenanigans.

– Shouldn’t Mirabella be worried that her mom isn’t in the country yet? I’m sure they covered that but like I said, it’s hard to pay attention to something this terrible.

– Harper isn’t a star anymore because she “blew her knee out.” That has got to be the least-romantic career ending injury they could think of. They couldn’t have had her faint off of a bridge or be diagnosed with a delicate heart?

– Harper’s hands and neck are aging. You know what they say, hands and throat always age first, so do to them whatever you do to your face. For me, that would be routinely examining them for more wrinkles and crying about it sometimes.

– There’s a Huggies commercial that uses the phrase “baby in your stomach” in regards to a pregnant woman. HATE. Whenever I hear someone say that, I always think “how’d she eat a whole BABY?”

– Long story short, Mira knows that Harper kissed her fiancee and Harper knows that she knows. Ryan, Mirabella’s dad, is here. I think that they are saying Brian for the first hour, so I don’t think the actors were even paying attention. Or maybe the writers forgot and changed it halfway through. Maybe Ryan is a nickname for Brian.

– Cheetah Girl just said “tequila shooters.” Is shooters vs. shots a geographic thing? Everyone I know calls them shots. Related: call them shooters or call them shots, I will probably need several of them to make it through this movie.

– Mirabella sings her feelings in the woods as her memories play on the screen. This is either an original song, or just an extra-terrible song that I have been blessed to get by without hearing thus far.

– The commercial breaks are going on longer and longer. It is almost as though this movie doesn’t want to come back. It is probably embarrassed.

– I know I should be paying better attention, but I am reading about Reese Witherspoon’s disorderly conduct arrest, which is a string of words I never though I’d type. Evidently, when told to stay in her car, she said that she is a U.S. citizen, and she is allowed to stand on American ground. I don’t know why that makes me LOL so bad but it does. BTW, she looks downcast and introspective in her booking photo, like a 16th century Madonna (sans child. What would Ava, Deacon, and Tennessee think? Tennessee the child AND Tennessee the state).

Dammit, Laura Jeanne.

See? Yeah, that’s right, I took art history once.

– (B)ryan is magically young too, now.

– I think I’ve found our problem. The writer is someone named Jaylynn. That means either (1) She is young enough to be named Jaylynn, so probably under 18, or (2) She is older but voluntarily chose the name Jaylynn as a nom de suck.

– Okay, so. Mirabella still thinks that Fiance kissed Harper, when actually Harper kissed fiance.

– I packed my lunch, loaded some dishes into the dishwasher, put my dog out, and the commercial break is STILL going on. It’s okay, Lovestruck: The Musical. I didn’t want to come back, either.

– Aunt Birdie (oh yeah, there’s an Aunt Birdie) drank the whole bottle of Vaudeville Youth Serum, and is a child. Personally, I would take just an itty-bitty sip of it. Just enough to get me to an hour and a half ago, before I decided to watch this mess.

DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again. You know what’s extra bad about this, other than everything? In the Freaky Friday remake, Lohan really sold the whole adult in a young person’s body thing, but there’s none of that here. Harper is just straight-up young. I’m sure this isn’t the first time that someone’s told Bratz that she’s no Lindsay Lohan, but in most other contexts that would be a compliment. Not here.

– I will never make it through all of the ONTD comments re: Reese Witherspoon, so I’m just going to switch over to the Jennifer Lawrence hair post. I like it.

– Mirabella can’t tell that her father has a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT VOICE on the phone, but again, I don’t know why I’m even looking for logic here.

– Heartfelt speech portion of the night: Harper and Fiance, whose name is Marco but which I keep hearing as Margo.

– Harper and (B)ryan are back in love, which is a lot easier when one of you is suddenly young and beautiful, I suppose. Also, Ryan is old again.

– Mirabella and Marco/Margo are singing a reprise of the terrible original song they sang earlier, I Do/ Me Too. I will have this song at my wedding if the following conditions are met: someone pays me $100,000 to do so and I have also become deaf by that time.

– Amanda is here. Deus ex personal assistant.

– Judging by the commercials, the main viewer demographic of Lovestruck: The Musical is women with UTIs. Sounds about right.

– I’m looking at the tv listings to decide what show I should fall asleep to tonight, and realized that my standards for TV Shows To Fall Asleep To are so exacting that it should be its own post. However, I noticed that Lovestruck: The Musical is on again right after this. Woo hoo!! Who’s ready to do this all over again right away???

– Mira and Margo get married. Everyone sings Everlasting Love. Then there’s a reprise of DJ’s Got Us Falling In Love Again over the credits. They make us watch scenes of things that happened in those two hours we just sat through, in case we weren’t ready to let ourselves forget yet. The lyrics “keep downing drinks” come up, and seriously, ABC Family? I don’t mind if I do.

Before Nashville: Lennon and Maisy, Internet Sensations

Long before Tami Taylor was driving around her two daughters on Nashville, they were YouTube superstars. If you watch this country music centered soap opera, you were introduced to their fantastic singing on a recent episode, as seen here:

Ho Hey – Lumineers

After the episode aired, the internet was abuzz because they had no idea these girls had amazing talent, and possibly (definitely)  even better than Hayden Pannetierre herself. The aftershock of finding out these girls were really good singers was legitimate, since up until that episode, they were just secondary characters who were the focus of  their parents’ divorce. But for internet nerds like me, you’d know that they’ve been making their round on the ‘netz for a while. In fact, they were part of the reason why I started watching Nashville, obviously apart form Connie Britton, but also because I was interested to see how these gals would fair as actors.

I was first introduced to them about a year ago after I became obsessed with this version of a Swedish vocal group named Erato, who sang Robyn’s Call Your Girlfriend a cappella and with empty butter/yogurt containers (not as weird as it sounds). One of the suggested videos was Lennon and Maisy’s cover of Erato’s cover, and lo and behold, it’s received even more views that Erato’s cover – over 15 million hits to date!

Call Your Girlfriend/Cups

Both Molly and I loved these girls, and refused to believe they were that young with this much talent, but maybe it was just us being selfish that our dreams of being child stars never came to fruition. But I went through their catalog of cover songs and discovered they were actually the most gifted kids ever. Like no six year old should be able to harmonize that well. Check out these girls before they were rubbing elbows with Connie and Hayden, and maybe even check out Nashville, because it’s not that bad…

I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz

When Your Mind’s Made Up – The Swell Season

Headlock – Imogen Heap

We Need To Talk About Glee

I don’t know why I’m still watching this show. It hasn’t been good since mid-season two, so why are we all still here, four seasons deep, and expecting it to be as good as it was when they were taking on Journey songs?

My only logical explanation for it is that we’re hoping that the next episode will be as magical as it once was. We keep expecting it to be better, but then an episode like last week’s comes along. And you’re all ‘What in the actual fuck?’

Now last week’s ep, titled “Shooting Star” (no, really, it was called that), dealt with the issue of gun violence in schools. I didn’t entirely know that was the plot in the ep before I watched it, so when a gun shot went off, I was a little confused. But lo and behold, Ryan Murphy and co. were going to attack full on the issue of gun control in this episode of Glee. Basically, the glee kids are in the choir room when they hear two shots fired out from what sounds like the hallway. Mr. Shue and Coach Biest lock the doors and tell all the kids to hide and be quiet.

One thing I can commend the show for in this episode is how the kids reacted during the lockdown. Some were quiet and scared with only tears to show their emotions, some let out their deepest secrets in fear they wouldn’t get a chance to tell the truth ever again, some wanted to go find their significant other to see if they were okay. I admit I teared up during these parts, because I’m only human.

However, despite their best acting, I still couldn’t get over the fact that Glee was – yet again – tackling a sensitive issue in one of their episodes. Earlier this season, they dealt with the issue of eating disorders, and one of the characters hated another character so she taught her the ways of bulimia. Literally this Santana wannabe (Kitty is her name, Kitty) taught Marley how to stick her fingers down her throat and vomit up her food. AND THEN this bitch made Marley’s costumes smaller, making her think she was just getting bigger even after making herself purge.

HELLO?! What sick fuckery is this? If you’re going to deal with an important issue like eating disorders, be serious about it. This show has a lot of teen viewers, and this isn’t they way you should be going about things. In the past, they’ve handled OCD, sex, coming out, etc. And while I was okay with most of those topics in the Glee forum, the eating disorder and school shooting was just too much.

In the end of the Shooting Star episode, Coach Sue Sylvester told the principal that she had a gun stored in a safe in her office. She was doing her morning routine and checking to make sure it was secure when she dropped it and it went off. Twice. The principal consequently fired her, but come to find out, it was actually Becky, the cheerleader with down syndrome (ugh, another post for another day with that one). Brittany told Becky she needed to protect herself, and she took that as stealing her father’s shotgun. She went to Sue, and when Becky surrendered the gun to her, she accidentally dropped it and it went off twice. Basically to protect Becky (with whom she has a personal connection with), Sue took the fall and got fired.

Okay, so we went through the entire episode of drama and intense scenes only to find out that it was Becky who accidentally dropped a gun? And then they sang Say by John Mayer in the auditorium? No. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SERIOUSLY DISCUSS GUN CONTROL AND SCHOOL SHOOTINGS, GLEE.

Again, stop trying to deal with serious subjects if you can’t do it correctly. Yes, you could successfully take on losing your virginity for the first time, but that doesn’t mean a shooter loose in the school will go over just as well.

In 2008, Ryan Murphy gave an interview regarding tough subjects such as these and said: ‘“There’s so much on the air right now about people with guns, or sci-fi, or lawyers running around. This is a different genre, there’s nothing like it on the air at the networks and cable. Everything’s so dark in the world right now … [Glee is] pure escapism.”

Hey buddy, remember how the show is called GLEE?? Please go back to the Beyonce mashups and the Warblers singing Katy Perry. Bring back Jesse St. James  – I’ll even settle for endless Lea Michele singing Barbra/Liza numbers. Leave the serious stuff for the teen dramas to handle. I understand you want to use this platform for good, but it’s not good when you’re just hurting it.

But hey, then again, who’s the one who’s writing about the episode and will most likely continue watching the series until it ends? This girl. Just please don’t try to deal with Cory Monteith’s enter into rehab with art imitating life and saying he had a secret cocaine addiction and Lea Michele starts singing Waterfalls with Mr. Shue. Just. No.