Let’s Make Black Friday Nicer For Everybody

The turkey coma has worn off, the stretchy leggings have come on, and another Thanksgiving is in the books. The Christmas season is officially upon us, and you know what that means: buying stuff. Last year we served up some fun alternatives to Black Friday chaos – for instance, t.v. binges: Orphan Black Friday or Orange Is The New Black Friday, anyone? Today, we’d like to introduce you to some Black Friday options for anyone who’s weary of consumer culture, capitalist mayhem, or just crowds of people in general. And if this is the day for you to do your holiday shopping, then we have included a few ways you can help make this day a little nicer for everyone, too.

Don’t Buy Anything

Buy Nothing Day is a protest of consumerism. Some groups call it Occupy Xmas, but that feels a little Grinch-y. Some people participate by just not shopping on Black Friday. Others engage in demonstrations like cutting up credit cards, staging “zombie walks” in malls, or organizing fun, non-shopping events on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

My take on it: if you’re not changing your buying habits (buying less, supporting local vendors, or avoiding credit card spending, for instance), it isn’t going to make a lick of difference if you choose not to go out on Black Friday. And if you’re engaging in some kind of public shopping protest, all you’re doing is gunking up the walkways of already-crowded shopping centers, which isn’t going to make people want to hear your point of view: it’s going to make them hate you. But I’m all for organizing non-shopping community activities on a day when kids are off from school and many of us are lucky enough to have off from work!

Support Kinder, More Sustainable Shopping

Note: while these shopping events are scheduled on particular days, these are great ways to shop at any time during the Christmas season!

Small Business Saturday: on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, support smaller, local vendors. Many of them participate with special deals or longer hours. You can find participants by checking out the map on the Small Business Saturday website or looking for the “shop small” sign in their windows. Or, you can check out the hashtags #SmallBizSat and #ShopSmall. Instead of lining the pockets of the head muckety-mucks of chain stores, shopping local helps people in your community pay their mortgages and send their kids to school.

Handmade Monday: You might be thinking that even if you shop local, most of the goods they sell are still made by giant corporations. Enter Handmade Monday. The Monday before Thanksgiving, many Etsy shops offered coupon codes and sales. But you can still make next Monday your personal Handmade Monday! It’s the best way to find unique gifts for hard-to-shop-for relatives. You can hit up your local artisans and markets, or head over to Etsy where you never have to find parking or stand in lines with humans.

Fair Tuesday: Support ethical shopping by buying fair trade items. Follow the #FairTuesday hashtag, visit the Fair Tuesday website for participants, or check out the movement on Facebook.  If every Black Friday shopper supported Fair Tuesday instead, $1.15 billion would go to fair trade workers. And when you support workers, you support their families and communities, too.

Thrifty Thursday: Not a real thing. But shopping second-hand is green, has no negative impact on the developing world, and often generates revenue that will be used in your community. Poke around Goodwill, Volunteers of America, or another charity shop. You can find records for your vinyl-philes, first edition books for readers, or supplies to upcycle into an art project.

Give Stuff To People Who Aren’t Your Family and Friends

A lot of folks complain that generosity spikes during the warm-fuzzy Christmas season, then plummets the rest of the year. And that’s probably true. But if you feel compelled to reach out to the less fortunate this time of year, it can never hurt to do it. Millions of people giving to others every year – even if it’s always in December? I’ll take it!

You can make a lot of these donations online, so this Black Friday you can kick back on the couch with some leftover pumpkin pie, do some good, and satisfy your urge to shop without having to deal with parking lots or consumer guilt.

Education: Education is everything. It’s the opportunity for employment. It’s critical literacy – the ability to process and criticize what you are told. It improves health outcomes and a community’s entire economy. If you give to one cause this season, I’d recommend education. There are many charities to choose from and if you search around, you can find something that speaks to you.

My personal plug would be for the Enlace Project. They do a lot of great things, but you can specify that your money go to their education program. The first day I walked into a classroom in Nicaragua to teach English, a little girl stuck out her hand and – in English – said “Pleased to meet you, my name is Mary Jo.” Maria Jose made my heart grow three sizes and now I’m walking around with this messy, overfilled water balloon of a heart.

Toys: It makes sense that people donate toys at Christmas. For one thing, a lot of us are already buying toys for kids in our families. For another, it’s tangible – this item I’m holding is going to make a child’s Christmas better. Toys For Tots is probably the most popular donation point, but a nearby children’s hospital, Ronald McDonald house, or prison may be running a drive as well.

Toiletries: Clear out last year’s unopened shower gel/lotion gift sets before this year’s comes in. Many charities need un-fun, unopened donations like shampoo, razors and hand sanitizer. I volunteer at a refugee center and we gladly accept all of these, as will many youth centers, domestic violence shelters, and homeless shelters. Ask first so that you don’t donate anything that’s unneeded.

Time: This can be the WORST time of year to start a volunteer program. “I can show up on Mondays, but not next Monday, my son has a school concert, and the one after that is my office holiday party, and then there’s a baking party with my church group the one after that…” It’s just busy now. But if you’re farting around on the internet on Black Friday, it’s the perfect time to see what local charities could use your particular skill set, then make plans to start in the new year.

Funding: Microloans and microfinancing works. Although it might make more economic sense to donate to a microloan org and let them disperse the funds as needed, many organizations let you choose the recipient. Since this feels more personal and you have more control over where your money goes, more people donate – so it’s really a good system. Kiva is a good starting point. If you’re relaxing with family and friends today, surf around the website and see if you can find something you can all agree to help fund.

If you must shop

Whether it’s tradition, an incredible sale on one of the items on your list, or a need to get all your shopping done in one go, sometimes you end up out with the masses on Black Friday. I don’t think anyone who reads here needs advice on how to be nice while shopping – I just don’t think the “I need to speak to your manager” type comes around here, really? But there are some extra little ways you can spread some holiday cheer to workers whose feet and hands and eyes are probably exhausted:

  • Say hello, goodbye, and thank you. So small but so important.
  • But, you know, keep it moving. The 19-year-old college student facing down a line 50-deep does not need to hear that you can’t believe you found the one Monster High doll that your daughter’s been looking for, etc.
  • Don’t get up there and complain about the line. You were waiting in it, but your cashier was ringing up everyone in it. They know.
  • If you’re behind an a-hole customer in line (is it just me who always gets stuck near one of these people?) at the very least, give the cashier one of those sympathetic eye-rolls when you get to the register.
  • Don’t make a mess. Put things back where they go. If you come across some abandoned merch, put it back if you’re going in that direction even if it isn’t your mess.
  • Return your cart. Return a loose cart, too.
  • Get the name of a worker who was really helpful or cheerful or hardworking, and on a less-busy day, put a word in for them with their manager.

Things I’m Thankful For: 2014 Edition

HAPPY THANKSGIVING Y’ALL!! Hope you’re having a great day so far with your loved ones and stuffing your face with all the foods. There’s something about Thanksgiving that kind of makes me sentimental, since it’s one of the only major U.S. holidays that all Americans celebrate no matter what your background is (shout out to July 4th!). Of course, like previously mentioned, Thanksgiving IS about the majahh feasting that happens, but of course it’s a time to be reflective and thankful for all that we have. So here are just a few things I’m thankful for this year. Dig in!

  • Friends Thanksgiving episodes
    • For the past few years, I’ve started my own holiday tradition in which I watch all 10 Thanksgiving-themed episodes as part of a mini-marathon. I think I partly do this because Friends feel like ‘home’ to me, and since I’ve spent the past five years in LA and not back east for the holiday, it makes me feel like there’s some kind of longstanding tradition. Also, these are some of the best episodes of television ever (I ranked all the eps here!).

  • Portable iPhone travel charger
    • Guys, I finally bought one and it has changed my life.
  • Julian Morris on New Girl
    • I never thought I could ship again after Jess and Nick broke up but OHMYGOD freaking Julian Morris. And his face. And his accent. And his charmingness. Like I feel like I am actually Jess Day when she’s flustered around him. It’s insane. 
  • Chris Pratt finally getting the attention he deserves
    • PRATT!! He went from Andy Dwyer to mega movie star and I feel like a proud mom!
  • Coffee ice cubes
    • My favorite coffee shop has optional coffee ice cubes that you can add to your iced coffee (my fave bev) and that way, when the ice melts, IT’S STILL COFFEE.
  • Gilmore Girls on Netflix Instant
    • We love GG here, and the fact that I can now jump from all the Luke/Lorelai episodes and completely shut out April Nardini without having to get up and change disks is the best thing to ever happen to me.
  • Leggings
    • Because comfort, y’all.
  • Deciding not to go to our 10 year high school reunion
    • Molly and I chose to go to New York City the same weekend as our “10 year high school reunion”. After stalking pictures of the “event”, there were approx 10 people who went to the bar, all of whom we’re not friends with, so good call, past Molly & Traci.
  • GIFs
  • Nick Jonas-issance
    • I mean, God Bless America. 
  • Vanilla Almond Butter
    • So I started making flourless pancakes (one ripe banana, 2 eggs, mix and pour on skillet like pancakes) and I usually have a side of Justin’s Natural Vanilla Almond Butter and it is so ridiculously delicious. Why did I just find out about this recently?
  • #TGIT
    • Shondaland on Thursday nights has made appointment television a thing again, and it shows in both their Neilsen ratings and Twitter ratings. Basically, don’t even try to reach me between the hours of 8pm and 11pm on Thursdays – unless you tweet me.
  • Lupita Nyong’o
    • What did we ever do before you, Lupita???
  • The first Dunkin’ Donuts in Los Angeles
    • After years of waiting, LA is finally running on Dunkin’… now if they can just open one that doesn’t take me like 30-40 minutes to get to.
  • Tumblr tags
    • #the best part of tumblr is sometimes the tags #so much subtext
  • Amy Poehler’s Book, Yes Please
    • You think I was going to make a list of things I’m thankful for without mentioning our Queen??
  • YOU GUYS!!
    • Probably the most important item on this list – thank you all so much for reading, whether you’re loyal followers or if this is your first time visiting our site, we sincerely appreciate anyone taking time out to read the crap we put on here. We love you internet.


A Plate Full Of Turkey And Pants Full Of Elastic: Happy Thanksgiving From Cookies + Sangria!

By a show of hands, how many people initially ended up here because you thought we were a food blog? Okay, you can put them down now. The important part is, we’re all here together now and I’m glad we’ve found each other. We may not write about sauteeing and bruleeing, but dammit, we like food. So of course, Thanksgiving is a big day around here. We’ve rounded up all of our Thanksgiving-related posts for you – if you like what you see, click on the link and go to the full post.

If you want to visit us elsewhere – and get some T-Gives planning done at the same time – trek over to Apartment Therapy and Brit.co, where our Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade drinking game made an appearance. A bit like running into your teacher at the mall, isn’t it? We’re giant, not-just-saying-that fans of both sites!

Happy Thanksgiving. Wishing you a mouth full of turkey, a glass full of booze, a heart full of joy, and a waistband full of elastic. Continue reading

The One Where The Katzenjammer Kids Gets Away

We’re just one day away from the fattest day for Americans (I guess maybe besides super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day if you’re single) and that means it’s almost time for the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. For 88 years, this parade in the heart of New York City has been a Thanksgiving morning staple for families all across America. Thousands line up the streets of Manhattan as well as in front of their TVs to watch celebrities waving from floats, singers lip syncing, high school marching bands impressing their parents with their walking skills (and are a reminder that they are probably considered the ‘popular kids’ where they’re from), and Broadway musical stars perform much needed interludes. And then there are the balloons. There are a variety of different balloons featured in the parade, but you probably associate the Macy’s parade with those huge ass ballons of rando pop culture characters like Hello Kitty or Spongebob or Underdog.

But in the 88 years of this beloved tradition, there have been a number of odd, bizarre and straight up frightening balloons that have floated down the streets of New York. Here are just a few of the weirdest ones from the past eight decades – and you can be THANKFUL that some of these aren’t featured in Thursday’s parade.

Turkey {1932}

Naturally, some sort of turkey has to make an appearance at the parade. But this one barely looks like Thanksgiving’s main dish. Fun fact: for the first six years of the parade, all the balloons were released into the air at the end of the route because organizers didn’t know what to do with the balloons filled with helium. If someone caught one and returned it (to Macy’s?) they would win money. This practice proved to be dangerous, so they stopped in 1933.

Dragon/Nantucket Sea Monster {1937}

This guy was one of the first balloons ever at the Macy’s parade and often used as a guerrilla marketing stunt to raise awareness about the parade. If their goal was to frighten little kids (and adults) so much that they lose their appetites, it worked.

Pinocchio {1937}

I mean, really. REALLY?  I don’t remember Pinocchio’s growing that… way.

The Katzenjammer Kids {1920s}

These frightening folks were based on the widely popular comic strip in the 1920s. The mom is in the front, followed by just the head of the dad and the kids following behind. WHY DOESN’T THE DAD HAVE A BODY THO.

Mighty Mouse {1954}

Now I’ve never actually watched an episode of this superhero mouse, but I feel like his body isn’t proportionate. Are his legs usually like 10 times smaller than his torso, or…?

Father Knickerbocker {1936}

Father Knickerbocker was a mascot for the Big Apple in the late 1800s and early 1900s – hence the name for the city’s basketball team, the New York Knicks. However, this particular balloon was questionable since Mr. Knickerbocker was usually depicted with an over-sized judge’s wig. This balloon is not. Also, one time this dude’s nose got caught in an outdoor train and people were scrambled to do a nose job on him before he made his appearance in the parade.

Eddie Cantor {1940s}

This balloon is based on actor/singer/dancer/beloved New Yorker Eddie Cantor, who looked like this IRL.  He was only one of the few real life people to have a Macy’s balloon in their likeness, and I think it’s pretty clear why. Balloon bro’s high on helium and has no idea what he’s doing or where he’s going. Also, hammer pants.

Pumpkin {1945}


Acrobats {1938}

Sure, your eyes go directly to the mustachioed acrobat with weird fingers and thigh bands, but please note the smaller acrobat holding on for dear life at his feet. Again, the proportions are not accurate.

Space Man {1952}

Neil Armstrong wouldn’t land on the moon until 17 years later, and actually NASA wasn’t even founded until 1958, which might explain why this space man looks like a cross between an exterminator and a lego industrial worker.

The Thief of Bagdad {1940}

This is technically a float but, um… it’s weird, right? The Thief of Bagdad was a 1924 (and later 1940) film about a king who is tricked and cast out of Bagdad by the evil Jaffar (yeah, Aladdin and this share the same roots). He joins forces with a thief named Abu in order to reclaim his throne, the city, and the princess he loves (whose name isn’t Jasmine) Naturally, it needed a float in the Macy’s Day Parade, because what kids wouldn’t love seeing this frightening depiction of Jaffar coming towards them?

Linus the Lion {1973}

This was from a parade in the 70s, so it’s fair to assume Linus the Lion was chasing the dragon, right? Drugs. I mean drugs.

Ask Jeeves {2001}

If you don’t remember who Ask Jeeves is, just look him up on Lycos. While you’re at it, feel free to visit my Geocities site and sign my guestbook. *~sMaRtER ChiLD*~

Elf on a Shelf {2012}

Maybe look for the Elf on a Shelf in the bathroom this year?

B. Boy {2010}

This balloon was designed by Tim Burton. I think that explains it.

Rabbit {2007}

Artist Jeff Koons’ silver rabbit is not surprising if you know his aesthetics, but still, he’s definitely no main stream enough to have this balloon make sense during the Macy’s parade.

Just Give Up And Make Your Entire Thanksgiving Dinner Out Of Jello Molds

In years past, Thanksgiving dinner had to meet two benchmarks: it had to be delicious, and it had to be sufficiently Thanskgiving-y. If you served traditional foods and they weren’t entirely awful, you were doing okay.

But now, depending on your audience, your Thanksgiving may be expected to meet the following criteria:

  • vegan
  • raw
  • raw vegan
  • “intermittently vegan”
  • freegan
  • macrobiotic
  • dairy-free
  • lacto-ovo vegetarian
  • gluten free
  • gluten intolerant
  • Instagram-able
  • Pinterest- worthy
  • nut free
  • tree-nut free
  • peanut free
  • low carb
  • low fat
  • things a caveman would eat
  • under 20 Weight Watchers points
  • ready after the parade
  • ready before the game
  • organic
  • local

Good luck and godspeed! Cooking Thanksgiving dinner is a game with no winner. Things are tougher than they used to be. Honestly, they’re tougher than they have to be. Once upon a time, you could make an entire Thanksgiving dinner out of Jello molds. And friends? YOU STILL CAN.


I’m of Irish descent. I like to believe that somewhere out there in the universe, my ancestors know that I have access to so many potatoes –  so many damn potatoes – that I can mutilate them into the shape of a giant, awful donut and the texture of Gak if I so please. Now, the potatoes are going to have to be a potato salad instead of a traditional mash, but I think you could also add plain gelatin to your mashed potatoes and set it into the mold.

Stuffing (Dressing if you’re nasty)

This really captures the essence of stuffing but without the bread and without having been inside a bird’s tushie. You have your carrots, your celery, your little bits of meat… basically everything but your will to live and your breakfast. Because if you’re eating this, you’ve probably lost both.

Cranberry Sauce

Do you serve can-shaped cranberry sauce? Then you have been letting Big Cran dictate the shape of your cranberry sauce-loaf for far too long. It CAN be shaped like a jello mold and I’d argue that it SHOULD be, too.


The thing about squash is that if served it in its skin and cut lengthwise, it already is compactly and neatly shaped and suitable for consumption by the toothless. That is exactly the kind of thinking that killed the jello mold. You can eat your squash as a jiggly square and you should never let anybody tell you differently.


For a gentler turkey-carving experience, replace the revving of an electric carving knife with the gloppy, sloshing thhhwaaaack of a slotted spoon moving through Jello.

Brussels Sprouts

For many palates, Brussels sprouts are a veggie that needs a little gussying up. What could be more gussied than letting your sprouts go for a dip in a egg noodle and cheese sauce swimmin’ hole?

Green Beans

Usually green beans enter the Thanksgiving table not because anyone loves them, but because at some point you look at all of the beige-y brown stuff you’re ingesting and realize that you should probably add something green. Voila – this ring of algae-looking green bean crud! If you’re a green bean casserole traditionalist (the recipe from the Campbell’s soup can), you can still top this with a drizzle of cream of mushroom soup and a sprinkling of freeze-dried onions (aka “astronaut onions”).

Pumpkin Pie

If you can shape your turkey like a dessert you can 100% also shape your dessert like a turkey – through the magic of jello molds!


Want some coffee with your pie? Sure, we can do that.


Go ahead, spike it.


Capitol Couture: Real or Not Real?

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 comes out today and if you’ve read the books, you know that this final installment is a far cry from the first two. There are no Games, and it’s all about a revolution, baby. Katniss and Gale are in District 13 plotting to take over the Capitol while Peeta and Johanna are all up in the Capitol being brainwashed by President Snow, who has clearly taken his last name to a whole new level:


When these ads first came out, it was a reminder that whoever is running the marketing/advertising/PR campaign for these films is a genius. The accompanying ‘address’ from President Snow lit’rally gave me chills the first time I saw it because I was suddenly transported to Panem and quickly went to grab my bow and arrow before I realized it wasn’t real and I didn’t have to go fight in the revolution. But it’s great that they make you feel like you’re actually part of this messed up dystopian world, and it obviously engages fans to be more involved and hyped up to see the actual movie.

The campaign for the entire HG series runs deep, but one of my favorites is the Capitol Couture website. In the series, the Capitol is know for its extravagance and outlandish fashion and trends – just look at Effie Trinket who is one of the craziest of them all. Despite the fact her fashion isn’t up to par in Mockingjay, the other people of the Capitol have to keep up appearances, and they get all their fashion tips from the Capitol Couture website.

It fascinates me how detailed each post is, and the lengths they go to make it seem like this is a real world of fashion. Here are just some of the insane featured fashions featured on the site – and who knows, maybe you can try being a trendsetter outside of Panem (I wouldn’t suggest it though).

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and imagine myself as one of Panem’s glittering skyscrapers—and dress accordingly. I totter on my eight-inch Lucite heels and refresh my chrome-flecked lip gloss every hour on the hour. In the Capitol, fashion is a chance to role-play as animals or architecture, to assume grand proportions in outlandish silhouettes and even to express a tendency to unravel. {designs by Thom Browne}

“If jewelry isn’t your thing, take a cue from our suave Victor Peeta Mellark and incorporate those metallic elements elsewhere, like a sculptural gold pocket square. “

The most macabre chic in fashion today by Anouk Wipprecht

“The main carrier and perspective of the conference is women in the war,” makeup artist Mao Geping has noted of his themes. While Panem may be celebrating seventy-five years of blissful peace, this meticulous and ridiculous display of metals and petals has us ready to charge into battle.

Designer Peter Popps’ architectural background shines brazenly in his strikingly innovative creations;  to Circle’s District 6 influences of “transportation by magnets”, Popps delivers glimpses of the future mixed with design elements of the past.

Burgeoning designer Noa Raviv (who engineers in District 3 have been clamoring to get their hands on)… Mixing 2D textiles and 3D printed objects, Raviv’s Hard Copy collaborative collection was brought to life in collusion with Stratasys—a manufacturer of cutting-edge 3D printing devices and software. Capitol Couture salutes Noa Raviv and Stratasys for their collaborative efforts and their continuing commitment to the united vision of One Panem.

Photographer/videographer Nick Knight unites with model Alexia Wight and couturier Lady Amanda Harlech for an unique look at the marriage of art and science- a subtle homage to the collaborative efforts of Districts 1,2, and 8 in the latest Peacekeeper armor redesign.

A product of designer Argyle Witt and a team of nano-technicians working in the Capitol’s most sophisticated labs, these multi-task bots can be worn during day or night. Pre-set functions include skin cleansing and exfoliation, pigment infusion, body structuring, and the creation of absolutely unique pieces of wearable art… Three individual pieces can be fabricated before material depletion, giving the most discerning of Capitol fashionistas a few choices. Says Witt, “Every woman should feel like she’s one in a million. With these bots, we give her the luxury and the look to do so.”


Quotes From Jaden & Willow Smith’s Crazy Interview – Reimagined As Tumblr Cliches

If it’s not too forward of me to say, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are raising a couple of silly gooses. Willow and Jaden Smith gave an interview to T Magazine this week, and it’s full of quotes that I almost can’t believe. Except I can believe them, because these children were educated by special Scientology schooling and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It’s basically like an interview with that guy from your freshman year dorm who just discovered weed, 100-level philosophy, and socialism at the same time.

I’m sure the Smith children are on a path to becoming caring, well-rounded adults. But even the most grounded adults have cringe-worthy teen years to look back on. Jaden and Willow seem to have missed out on their teenage awkward phase, face-wise. Mazel! But they’ll always have this interview to remember and shudder.

As silly as their interview is, I’ve noticed that if you pull quotes and superimpose them onto tumblr cliches (pictures of the cosmos; hand-lettering) they aren’t that different from stuff everyone’s already posting and reposting.

That’s why we re-imagined these quotes from Jaden and Willow Smith’s crazy T Magazine interview as tumblr cliches:

1) Quote in sans serif font superimposed over a picture taken by a space telescope:

2) Quote in shaky hand-lettering of varying sizes and styles:

3. Photo of an old-Hollywood icon with a quote they didn’t say in typewriter font:

4. Quote displayed as ransom note-style strips of text atop an unrelated photograph, maybe from the 1920s or something:

5. PUPPIES! And then an entire comment comprised of hashtags:

#so when one thought goes into your mind #it’s not just one thought # it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain #when you’re thinking about something happy you’re thinking about something sad #when you think about an apple #you also think about the opposite of an #apple

6. A child-like, line-drawn comic illustrating the quote:

Ramen Donuts: WE HAVE TO GO BACK

Last week, I came across an article which featured someone’s experiment of combining ramen with a donut and this is what it looks like:

Now, I’m all for creativity and innovativeness, but the first thing that came to my mind when I saw this was WE HAVE GONE TO FAR. Were regular donuts not enough for us? I don’t know about you, but donuts are just fine as they are. I mean, the fact that there are donuts out there topped with bacon and cinnamon toast crunch and snickers bars is, like, pushing it, but still, they’re donuts. They’re delicious. Do we need to improve on it with ramen? RAMEN. In its defense, I have no idea if these ramen donuts are good or not, but to me, they don’t look appetizing at all. And I blame the cronut (which I do find appetizing).

Chef Dominique Ansel may not have started this hybrid craze, but he certainly brought it back to the zeitgeist thanks to his flaky croissant-donut. Fact: when Molly & I went to NYC in September, we failed to realize that cronuts are still a thing and got to Dominique Ansel’s bakery too late and they were sold out. Still got good food there, so I suggest stopping by. Anyways, experimenting with hybrid food is like what Glee did with song mashups and now I fear that we’ve gone too far (just like Glee’s sixth season). Look, I’m all for letting your creative juices flow, but maybe things like ramen donuts are a one and done thing. Here are some other hybrid foods people from the internet and businesses alike have conjured up. You decide if we need to go back or not…

Spicy Tuna Sushi Corn Dog

In full disclosure, the ramen donut was made by a blogger who is a bro. Like a college athlete, hates hipsters, drinks excessively at frat parties bro. But his blog is like, actually really good and his food presentation is fantastic. So props to him. His thing is creating hybrid foods (that are usually not the healthiest). Enter this giant fried sushi roll. The fact that he calls it a corn dog turns me off. Basically I just want that spicy tuna roll.

Ramen Poutine

We’re continuing with the bro’s recipes because I’m seriously impressed. Look at that egg tho. It actually makes this ramen poutine look edible. I am a product of a Filipino mother who sometimes didn’t feel like cooking me a real dinner and made me ramen soup a lot. It was never really a college thing for me, it was a childhood thing for me. Which is why I think I don’t want to associate ramen with hybrid food that could possibly ruin my idea of childhood ramen. But poutine tho – if you’ve never had poutine – don’t start with this.

Spaghetti and Meatbwaffles

No, that wasn’t a typo. Blogger bro actually named this dish Spaghetti and Meatbwaffles. He basically took a chunk of meatball and put it in a waffle maker and came out with this. Is it sad that my only complaint about this is that the ratio of spaghetti to meatbwaffle isn’t equal?

Ramen Burger

Alright, enough of the bro dude. We’ve seen this one before. It came after the cronut and I still don’t understand how this is any easier to eat than a regular hamburger. Also why do people tend to put more shit in ramen burgers than regular burgers??

Ramen Pizza

Again, like donuts, pizza is fine as it is. Stop trying to make pizza better.


Did you know that a bagel is the equivalent to eating five slices of toast? Well it is. And IDK what the croissant equivalent is but when you have half a croissant and half a bagel you get a whole stinking loaf of bread.

Pizza Cake

Remember this from a few months ago? And how you said you were going to try to make it? Did you? Okay.

Lays Flavored Anything


In all fairness, I’ve never tried any of these. But that’s because they all sound disgusting. A *kettle cooked* Wasabi Ginger flavor?? Those are the two things I avoid (ok, maybe a little wasabs) when eating sushi. Why would I want the FLAVOR of those two things on a potato chip. A POTATO CHIP.

Chocolate Eclair Hot Dog


Mac and Cheese Pancakes


I’m still debating whether or not I think this is a good idea. On one hand, I love pancakes. On the other, I love mac and cheese. However, I’m not quite sure if I put them together, I’d love them as a whole. It’s like the time Rachel screwed up the Thanksgiving trifle and it tasted like feet. Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooood.



Sometimes sweet and savory things belong together. Like chicken and waffles good lord, chicken and waffles. But again, pizza is fine on its own. And don’t even get me started on cinnamon buns. Anyone ever been to a Holiday Inn Express? Those cinnamon buns are worth every penny.

Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe


Just… no.


Solange Wore A Cape To Her Wedding And We Can All Stop Trying

Solange Knowles – sister to Bey, aunt to Blue Ivy, daughter to Tina, kicker to Jay Z – tied the knot to music video director Alan Ferguson yesterday in New Orleans. Because nothing is private, pretty much their entire weekend was documented, including the happy couple rolling up to the wedding venue in style on white bicycles.

Unlike her sister, Solange decided to share her big day with us peons, releasing exclusive photos to Vogue of her and her bridesmaids (yes, including Queen B & Miss Tina & a very happy Janelle Monae) of her all-white wedding that would make Billy Idol proud. I have so many things to say about this but I don’t think it would be appropriate for the entire post to consist of emojis that look like this:

IMG_1009.JPGSo I’ll try to use my words instead. Solange wore three different outfits for her wedding, the first being the cream Stephanie Rolland jumpsuit as seen in the pre-ceremony transpo pic above. This is probably my favorite look out of the three, because it gives her a feel of class with the cape (praise hands with palms facing out emoji) but a feeling of fun since she’s in a jumpsuit and ready for anything. Also, it’s backless. IT’S BACKLESS! For the actual getting married part, she opted for a dress designed by Humberto Leon for Kenzo, and lawd help us all she looks like a freaking vision. Like an angel in a cape sent from heaven to let us know that all our style sins have been forgiven. Paired with those gold stacked bracelets, I would imagine Solange wearing nothing else on her wedding day. Finally, Solange, hubs, fam & friends took to the streets of Nawlins with a celebratory band and dancing and now I know what I want to do for my own wedding. The third look was the more fun reception style, back in a jumpsuit by Stephanie Rolland but this time the cape had more ruffle to it.


Of course, there are more photos featuring all of the wedding party (yes, flower girl Blue Ivy) smiling and laughing and having the time of their lives. But as we all know, weddings are usually a lot about the bride and what she’s wearing, so I’m gonna go back to her for a sec.

Solange has become a fashion maven over the past few years whether you have paid attention or not. I mean there’s a reason why she shared her exclusive pix with Vogue. Solange has never been one to be afraid to wear a certain color or style or trend, in fact if I were to sum up her fashion style, it would be fearless eccentricity. She dares to be different and doesn’t give a shit if you like it or not (but if you have an semblance of taste, you will).

Of course, a penchant for fashion and style runs in the family, with Bey as the Instagram model for every outfit she wears and Miss Tina – well we all know Miss Tina used to design the Destiny’s Child outfits back in the day, and back then they didn’t seem as ridiculous as they look now. BTW TINA KNOWLES SLAYYYEEDDD AT THE WEDDING. ok end caps.  So with fashion in her genes (jeans?), it makes sense that Solange is a style savant and a woman with enough balls to wear not one but three capes to her wedding. If you need a refresher of how all her past looks have led up to this glorious day in all white everything, here are just some of her best looks. Praise Solange and her infinite style wisdom and cape.


Unpopular Opinions: I Don’t Understand The Butt Zeitgeist

So. Kim Kardashian’s butt, huh?

That’s probably how most of your water cooler, bus stop, and family dinner conversations have started for the past few days. When I saw the #BreakTheInternet booty drop, my first thought was (with a sigh) “ugh, I guess we should probably cover that.”

I mean “cover”  both in terms of writing about it, and in terms of “will somebody please put some pants or culottes or a skort or bloomers on that lady? Because we cannot publish that photo on our blog.”

Nobody can deny that the butt is having a moment. From Kim Kardashian to Nicki Minaj, from the new, reality TV judge version of J.Lo to that one Drake video, butts are everywhere. But get ready for an unpopular opinion: I just don’t find butts exciting. Pop culture blasphemy, I know.

Here’s the main thing I don’t get: everybody has a butt. Man or woman, child or elderly, famous or infamous, humans all have butts. Kim Kardashian has a butt? So did Richard Nixon. So does Barbara Walters. Shirley Temple had a butt her whole life, as did W.W.F. wrestler Yokozuna and artist/musician Yoko Ono. Are you sitting down to read this? Congratulations! You are sitting on your very own butt. If you are standing, stop and look behind you. Your butt is there, following wherever you go, like a loyal dog or Peter Pan’s shadow. In fact, when I think of the people who don’t have butts – twins conjoined back to back, people who are amputated at the waist – they are so rare that they are the interesting ones.

You might say “yeah, but Kim Kardashian and Nicki Minaj have amazing butts!” And to that I say this: I actually don’t know what a good butt is. Okay? It’s a personal blind spot. I have a friend who doesn’t know what it means when you say that food is stale. When everyone started griping about a stale box of crackers, she grabbed a few, trying to discern what we all meant. That’s how I feel about butts. Whenever someone says that a guy has a cute butt, I look it over, trying to figure out why. I ask questions like the youngest child at Butt Seder: “why is this butt different from all other butts?” For Kardashian, I guess it’s that her butt is above-average sized, but that alone doesn’t explain it. After all, didn’t ladies in old sitcoms bring their long-suffering husbands shopping to ask whether their butt looked big in those pants? There must be something else – a je ne sais butt – but that sounds like a lot of hot air (also delivering a lot of hot air: BUTTS. Remind me, again, why they’re appealing?)

Now, I don’t walk the earth ignorant of my own butt. I’ve even joked about printing up business cards reading “It’s an ass, not a conversation piece.” With maybe an asterisk leading to the back of the card: “* Unless I put a coffee table book or some modern art back there.” But it’s hard to get a good concept of your own posterior, and maybe next time I’ll press for details: “What sets my butt apart from the other butts that are also minding their own business at this bus stop?” I doubt I’d get a good answer, though, because anyone who strikes up a convo about a stranger’s butt is probably full of shit (also full of shit: BUTTS).

So here’s my final quibble with Butt Zeitgeist 2K14: butts are funny. They are – if anything – a comedy body part. Weird things and noises come out of them. Children laugh at them. For months, my nephews ran around saying “booty!” solely because it’s a funny word. [When my sister told her 5-year-old to cut it out, he said “what, mom? It’s just like boot.” Kiddo didn’t even know what it meant.] One time, a man hit on my friend by telling her she had a “great pooper.” That is funny. You know why mooning people was a trendy prank in the mid-20th century? Because it’s the world’s easiest sight gag. And the number of memes based on Kim Kardashian’s Paper Magazine cover prove that I’m not the only one who finds butts more hilarious than hot.

As a first grader, I remember mentally cataloging what the funniest body part was every year. In preschool, kids got a kick out of noses, because, you know, blowing your nose was still a triumph and a challenge at that point. In kindergarten, feet took the cake. But as a wise six-year-old, I knew that butts… butts reigned supreme.

And apparently, they still do.