Hilariously Embarrassing (Bad) Celebrity Fan Art

Ah, fan art. The visual representation of when your interest in something goes from like to love. Normal to unhealthy obsession. Talking about it to your friends to talking about it in message boards 24/7.

But hey, I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to share with you the talents that are among us. Those brave enough to share their own celebrity idols immortalized forever into pen and paper. Here are a few ‘quality’ pieces I think should be shared with you all. Even if they do give you nightmares. Apologies.

The One with the badly drawn Friends

Ross Geller, everyone.

I think this particular fan thought Ross was slowly becoming Marcel the Monkey.

Why Rachel’s suddenly really into cellos is beyond me.

Did you miss Joey’s latest stint in The Walking Dead?

Who do you think you are, some kind of superstar?

The artist of this Tom Cruise portrait must have gone to the same art school as the Jesus fresco restoration person.

ummm James Franco?

The Dark Knight also doubles as Greg Brady

how dare you ruin the queen.

This could either be Nicolas Cage or Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, TBH.

Music makes the people come together (yeah)

Speaking of Chad Kroeger…. I’M SORRY

JT has never looked hotter

Marky Mark’s feelin the good vibrations fo sho

No baby, baby, baby. Beiber!

Zayn from One Direction – aka the best looking one in the group. But not in this particular sketch.

Fandomiest of all the Fandoms

Just, why?

The nerdy girl from The Middle falls in love with a really pale vampire

I think this is another Twilight person? Too hard to tell.

Fun Fact: David Tennant had the craziest eyes of all the Dr. Whos

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Playlist of the Month: Summer Jams

Well folks, we’re well into the summer season now, and the sun is showing itself a little more often than it was a couple months ago. School’s out (which I’m assuming doesn’t effect most of our readers, but you can still feel the freedom in the air), the dresses and sandals come out from the closet, and eating ice cream and fro-yo everyday is more acceptable than in the winter months.

So to celebrate the season, here are our favorite jams for this summer. No ‘Call Me Maybe’, but a few good picks for 2013.

Enjoy the entire playlist on Spotify!

Traci’s Picks

We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus

I have no shame in saying I love Miley. She doesn’t give a fuck, and that’s why I appreciate her. Do I think the music video for this song is appropriate for her younger fans? Not really. But do I think she did it because she can and she looks good while twerkin’? Yes. It’s her party she can do what she wants.

Blurred Lines – Robin Thicke ft T.I. and Pharrell

This song should come with no explanation. Sex.

Disclosure – Latch

I first heard this song on a recent episode of So You Think You Can Dance, and ever since I found out what the song was, I haven’t stopped listening to it. Like it will end and I will immediately play it again. Plus nothing says summer like SYTYCD.

The Way – Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

Don’t know who Ariana Grande is? She’s a Nickelodeon starlet who’s 19, but has a lot of tween fans. Sound familiar? She’s still in her innocent phase, but boy does she have a great range.

Cruise – Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

Need a song to play while you’re driving through the country? Here’s your jam.

Miss Movin On – Fifth Harmony

I’ve mentioned Fifth Harmony here before, and again, no shame in liking them. They’ve come such a long way since they were thrown together on The X Factor, and this is the perfect first single for the girls to release as a hopeful summer hit (and their acoustic version is balls to the wall amazing). I have big hopes for these gals!

Molly’s picks

Q.U.E.E.N. – Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu

As soon as I heard that Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu were collaborating I was like “okay, then, that’s my new favorite song.” Like, before I even heard it, because how could you go wrong? And let me tell you, I was not disappointed. I will say, though, that this one’s a grower. The first time I heard it I was like yeah, it’s pretty good. Then by listen 4 or so I was all, this jam is my JAM.

Get Lucky – Daft Punk feat. Pharrell

First of all, who would have thought this would be the summer of Pharrell’s comeback as a featured artist? Second, I have plenty of fond memories of dancing to One More Time, and there’s always room for more Daft Punk. Third, it’s only the first day of summer, but I can already tell you that no Summer 2013 playlist would be complete without Get Lucky and Blurred Lines.

Gun – Chvrches

Once you get over the thing of like, “wait, I just pronounce it “churches, right?” this is pretty great.

Diane Young – Vampire Weekend

Ezra. EZRA. Nice work. Love the old-school rock vibe they have going on here. I feel like I’m going to get a malt and watch a drag race. My knowledge of the 50s is mostly based on Grease.

Cocoa Butter Kisses – Chance The Rapper

First time I heard Chance the Rapper, I was like what the hell is this Adam Sandler-impression-sounding guy even doing? But I’ve come around, and Acid Rap is def one of THE mixtapes of the summer.

If you want to add a chill jam to the list, I suggest Wakin On A Pretty Day by Kurt Vile. If your summer needs more Kanye, well, primarily I recommend listening to 2005-era Ye because that’s the BEST. But I’m seriously feeling Black Skinhead this summer too.

Show You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: Orphan Black

If you’re a crazypants TV watcher like me, your prime time schedule has been greatly minimized since the season finale bonanza in May. I usually like to take the summer to binge watch series that have been on my ‘To Watch’ list. This year, I had The Wire at the very top of the list… Until I heard about Orphan Black, and I’m so glad I bumped it to the top.

Orphan Black is a series on BBC America that ended its first season run at the beginning of June. Despite the fact it wasn’t the best rated program, it’s been slowing gaining a lot of attenion, and garnering a lot of critical acclaim just in time for Emmy voting season. Not to mention the lead actress, Tatiana Maslany, just won a Critics’ Choice Television award for Best Drama Actress (beating out the likes of Claire Danes & Juliana Margulies)! With all the talk about the show and the fact it’s only 10 episodes, I bumped OB to up to spot number one.

Quick plot summary: A woman named Sarah witnesses another woman, Beth, jump into train tracks to commit suicide. Sarah decides to steal her purse only to find out she looks exactly like Beth. In order to escape her messed up life, Sarah assumes Beth’s identity… except she soon finds out there are other women out there who look just like them. Clones if you will. Needless to say, there’s a sci-fi element to it. For the record, I’m not that into sci-fi shows, I mean I really liked Heroes, but this show is more drama than sci-fi, if that’s any help to you.

Number one reason you need to watch this show:

Tatiana Maslany!

It’s true what all the critics are saying about her. She is amazing. Because this show is about clones, she plays every single one – 9 in all I believe? – flawlessly. So much so that in my head they’re all different actresses. She posted a pic of one clone’s love interest, and I was like ‘how is she even with her, she doesn’t have scenes with that character?’ No, I’m an idiot, she’s really good at her job, and she plays all the clones and acts with all the other actors.

Every character is so fleshed out. From the costumes, to the little personality traits to the accents (oh yeah, she switches between accents too), everything flows so seamlessly. There are multiple scenes throughout the show where she has to play a clone pretending to be another clone. It sounds confusing, but she makes it so believable. On top of that, she’s a really good actress. In the approx 5 minutes Beth is shown before she kills herself, Tatiana shows her entire character in just one look. It’s mesmerizing.

For example:

This is Sarah. Punk-rock chick.

This is Beth. Detective about to commit suicide.

This is Tatiana Maslany playing Sarah pretending to be Beth.

One of the great things I read in an interview with Tatiana is that she has an extensive background in improv, which she uses to solidify each character. Her intuition of the ‘yes, and’ process helps lead the character in the natural direction she would go in. If you’ve ever seen (good) improv-ers, you know that they can make anything into a like 15-30 minutes – or more – sketch (Name a profession and a place! A pimp in Transylvania! So much story to tell already!). With Tatiana, she’s using that same skill and creating an arc for all 9 characters from episode to episode, building on the excellent backstory and script provided for her. Plus her mom is a French/English translator, so she is super good with languages. She learned German before she learned how to speak English! She’s legit perfect for this role. Roles. All the roles.

In fact, to all you Emmy voters out there, please please please give this girl a nomination at least. And then give her an Emmy. I feel so strongly about this I’m inclined to start a grassroots campaign – which I’m sure has already been started by some fangirl in Canada (fun fact: the series was shot and based in Canada. In fact, Tatiana and most of the cast are Canadian! Eh!).

There was a recent article on Buzzfeed in which comedian Patton Oswalt legit explains why she deserves all the awards. I’m not the only one who believes in this girl, y’all!

I would list other reasons why you should watch this show, like I guess the other excellent actors, the outstanding writing, the show’s ability to make you have no idea what’s going to happen next and possibly yell and throw objects at the TV, the hilarious jokes that are thrown in, or the loyal, gay best friend:

or this smokeshow (Paul, Beth’s boyfriend):
.But I’m going to stick with Tatiana Maslany. Only thing that sucks about this show: the fact that it doesn’t come back until 2014. But come on, what else are you going to watch until Breaking Bad comes back??

PS: Orphan Black is currently available On Demand (for Time Warner Cable, at least), but here’s a handy guide to find a provider near you!

Nancy Jo, This is Alexis Neiers Calling…

If this looks familiar to you, kudos for recognizing one of the greatest moments in pop culture history. Alexis Neiers was one of the stars of Pretty Wild, an E! reality TV series that ran for one season in 2010. After the pilot was filmed in 2009, Alexis was arrested in connection with the “Bling Ring” burglaries in Los Angeles, where a group of troubled teens broke into the homes of celebrities and stole up to $3 million worth of items.

And that, as you may know, has recently been turned into a movie aptly called The Bling Ring, which I actually paid money to see last weekend. To be honest, I only knew the basics of the Bling Ring burglaries, that they snuck into the homes of Paris Hilton, Orlando Bloom, Audrina Patridge, etc. But the movie gave a lot more insight into what these kids did at least based on accounts from a Vanity Fair article and the Pretty Wild show.

In fact, the writer of the Vanity Fair article (and consequent book) is Nancy Jo Sales, the woman Alexis is leaving a message for in the above gif. Titled The Suspects Wore Louboutins, director Sofia Coppola rewrote the article into a screenplay almost verbatim, and let me tell you – it’s scary.

These kids – kids – had no fear. No fear and pure stupidity. The way they broke into the celebs’ houses was by looking online to make sure they were out of town, and then found their addresses online. It really doesn’t take a genius to do that. But these teens broke into the houses, then went back multiple times, stealing more and more every time. Then they would wear the Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Herve Leger, Louboutins out in public, post pix on Facebook, and talk about stealing their stuff to people at parties. I don’t steal, but if I did, I would make damn sure there was absolutely no way it could be traced back to me.

The whole movie was fascinating, letting you into a world where these kids who thought they were indestructible let their obsession with pop culture reach the next level. I mean in the movie (and the article), the ringleader, Rachel Lee (named Rebecca Ahn in the film) is being questioned by the police in jail about breaking into Lindsay Lohan’s house. This was the excerpt from the VF article, which is pretty much exactly how it played out on screen:

“During the warrant service,” says the L.A.P.D. report, “Lee asked several officers if they would release her if she told them where ‘everything is.’”

“Hypothetically,” Lee allegedly said, “let’s say I might know where this property is located and who has it, how could that help me?”

“It is clear that Lee felt that she successfully removed all items of stolen property from the residence,” the report goes on. “However, when Lee saw” that cops had found a coat allegedly belonging to Lindsay Lohan and some topless pictures of Paris Hilton (stolen from Hilton’s unlocked safe) on the premises, “her mood instantly changed from being calm and collected to instantly becoming nearly hysterical, physically ill, and gagging as though she were about to vomit.

“Lee asked Detective [Leanne] Hoffman,” of the L.A.P.D., “if she had spoken to the victims. Hoffman replied that she had spoken to all of the victims. Lee became excited and asked, ‘What did Lindsay say?’”

Meanwhile, Alexis was enjoying her newfound ‘fame’ thanks to her E! reality show with her former Playboy playmate mom, best friend Tess, and her little sister Gabby. Listen guys, the entire series (aka one season) is on Netflix right now, and I highly suggest you watch it. Just for sociology purposes. As evidence by the show, these people actually exist. I mean after watching Pretty Wild, it’s hard to believe Alexis wasn’t arrested for something else sooner.

In fact, Alexis later revealed that she was completely high when she filmed the show, and was even living in a Best Western, panhandling for drugs, and was on a $10,000/week drug habit. HELLO?!  (In case you’re wondering, Alexis is now sober, married to some guy in his 40s, and gave birth to her first child in April. How’s your love life going?)

 

If I learned anything from Pretty Wild/The Bling Ring, it’s that if I even have kids and raise them here in LA, I will make sure they don’t become these teens, who took their fame obsession to an unhealthy place that landed them in jail (Here’s info on the real people if you want to know where they are now). But like history, it’s doomed to repeat itself, so for the sake of my hypothetical future children and yours, see this movie. Or read the article. Either way, educate yourself. It’s a scary world out there y’all.

A Stalker’s Guide to Dillon, Texas

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Howdy y’all! I recently went to Austin, Texas for a brief weekend getaway, for a few reasons. One: I always wanted to go to Austin, since I heard it was the most un-Texas Texas city in the state. During my road trip across the country in 2009, Austin was on the list of possible cities to go, but we due to time constraints (and the fact we wanted to not drive across desert for another 10 hours), we opted to skip Austin, and I’ve put the city on the top of my bucket list ever since. Two: I attended the ATX Television Festival, which is a new festival for TV fans and those who want to break into the industry, and it was full of screenings, panels, and reunions from fave shows. You may have heard about the Boy Meets World bonanza, and I also attended the American Dreams and Party of Five reunions, and sat in on Parenthood and Veronica Mars panels! Not to mention Friday Night Lights. Which brings me to reason three: Friday Night Lights. The show was set in the fictional town of Dillion, Texas, but was shot entirely in Austin. Ever since I marathoned (and obsessed over) the series in 2010, I made it my goal to go to Austin and find all the filming locations.

So, if you’re a superfan stalker like me, and find yourself in Austin, here’s a guide to Dillon by way of Austin.

The Taylor House

6805 De Paul Cove, Austin TX 78723

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The house were the greatest TV couple/parents lived. They should make this place a national landmark. PS: The Taylor, Riggins, and Alamo Freeze are all close to each other, so you can do it all in one fell swoop!

The Riggins House

2604 Lehigh Dr. Austin, TX 78723

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No sign of Riggs 😦

Alamo Freeze

5900 Manor Rd. Austin, TX 78723

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Fun fact: the Alamo Freeze is actually a Dairy Queen. So you can reenact Matt’s proposal to Julie and then grab an oreo blizzard.

Saracen House

3009 Kuhlman Ave. Austin, TX 78702

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Grandma Saracen and her tiara not included.

Del Valle Field

2404 Shapard Lane, Del Valle, TX

The FNL fieldhouse is still in tact and on a random street near the Austin airport. The only thing still up and running nearby are a few trailers – like trailer park trailers. But you could clearly see the football field and the stands, which is pretty cool. The area was actually used for two ‘sets’, with the Panthers on the left, and when East Dillion needed a field, they built the Lions homefield on the other side of the Panthers’ bleachers!

Here’s me and my friend Suz hanging with Riggins at the fieldhouse…

riggs and us

PS: I didn’t just come up with these locations, it’s easily found on the internet – including here!!!

And to round out my tour of FNL filming locations, the ATX Festival also had a couple of FNL events, including an outdoor screening of State (Season 1 finale) and a panel with the cast! The screening, which appropriately took place on Friday night, was great because a lot of the cast members were there to meet with fans and introduce the ep. I got to meet most of them, and I still can’t believe it happened!

AND THEN, the next morning was the FNL panel, where we were surprised by a couple guests:

COACH AND MRS. COACH, Y’ALL!!!!!! I think I may have started crying.Who knows. But you can always bet on me crying. I shared the same air as the greatest couple ever.

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Thanks for the great time, Austin/Dillon! See y’all next time!

The Kimye Pregnancy – A Retrospective

Over the past weeks, months, and — has it been years? — we’ve grown accustomed to the Kim Kardashian/ Kanye West pregnancy. It sort of seemed like it would always be here, you know? I mean it seemed like it would never END. But it’s over now, and maybe you’re starting to feel a little lost. Whose pregnancy couture will I judge now? Not Kate Middleton’s, because they’re putting her away until the baby comes. Whose baby names will I bet on? Again, not Kate Middleton’s, because there are like 10 acceptable Royal British Baby Names.

The only thing to do, then, is to look back at the fond memories. Grab a nice cup of tea, queue up some sentimental music (I suggest Bookends by Simon and Garfunkel), and remember the gestation that was.

Early December:

  • Kim Kardashian slams pregnancy rumors as “absolutely not true”.
  • Kim and Kanye are “just friends,” and she’s ostensibly involved with Gabriel Aubry.

Later December:

  • Kim Kardashian confirms pregnancy rumors as “absolutely true.”
  • The internet sees a spike in “I’mma let you finish” jokes — highest since 2009.

Winter-ish:

  • Kim and Kanye start to be sighted in public, looking like a couple who went to prom together because neither of them had dates yet.

Winter of my discontent:

  • Kim starts sporting “maternity fashions.” All of them are actually worse than the shirt my mom wore during all 4 of her pregnancies, a red number that read “I’m Not Fat, I’m Pregnant.” I want one of those, but only to wear when I’m looking a little fat, just to mess with people a bit.

The Longest Spring Ever:

  • Kim Kardashian keeps being pregnant. Forever. Never NOT pregnant. Also, Keeping Up With The Kardashians begins airing episodes that feature the pregnancy, because if there’s anything worse than going to the doctor, it’s going to the doctor with Kanye West’s fetus and Kim Kardashian.

May:

  • The invite to Kim’s baby shower is leaked (read: is released by Kris Kardashian). It looks like a prop from an episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark. When you’re asleep, the tiny Kardashian ballerina escapes, dances into your ear, films your insides, and licenses the footage to E!.
  • Rumor has it that the music box plays “Mama,” a very sweet song by Kanye. Is that really the most apt Kanye tune though? I like picturing Kanye staring into the music box, shell-sh0cked, as it chirps “18 years, 18 years, she got one of your kids, got you for 18 years…”.

June:

  • Kanye West cheating stories begin to surface. Kim laughs them off, but I bet it’s that kind of laughing where you’re also a little sad. And also no sound is coming out. Plus there are tears in your eyes. And your nose starts running.

Crying. She was probably crying.

  • While we’re talking about the Kanye West of it all, Amber Rose is pregnant, too! You may be familiar with Amber Rose from her previous work, standing near Kanye West at industry events and being photographed at basketball games.

    That help? The father is Wiz Khalifa, who I just found out is younger than me. Ugh. Can’t stand people who are younger than me.

FINALLY:

    • The pregnancy comes to a close. Kim has a baby girl. Twitter explodes into a million pieces. They don’t release the name right away because they HATE US and don’t want us to be happy.
    • Despite this being the longest gestation ever, the baby was somehow actually born early, most likely to coincide with the release of Yeezy’s new album. It’s nice to have everything drop the same week, you know?
    • Rumor has it the baby is named Kaidence Donda. I for-real almost called Cadence but spelled weird as the name. Donda, I’ll give you, because that’s Kanye’s late mom’s name. But Kaidence though? I can’t wait to see her compete in Little Miss Southern Arkansas Glitz Supreme in 2017 or so, because that is straight-up Toddlers and Tiaras business. Who knows – Media Takeout is almost always wrong, anyway.

Wait, no. Nope. Just kidding. North West is the name. Suddenly, my parents’ naming philosophy (“let the 8-year-old decide”) isn’t so bad. It’s a better tactic than “things your great-uncle would find funny,” anyway.

Funny. Now the name Kaidence sounds almost classy and beautiful. Well done, Kardashian-Wests. I suppose.

I hope the retrospective hasn’t made you miss the Kardashian pregnancy too much already. Whenever it gets tough, just remember — we haven’t lost a celebrity pregnancy, we’ve gained a celebrity baby.

The NBA’s Fashion MVP

We’re smack dab in the middle of the NBA Finals right now, and I usually don’t care unless the Boston Celtics are a part of it, and I especially don’t care this year because I hate the Miami Heat. But one person I do care about, and you should too if you don’t already, is Craig Sager.

This is Craig Sager. He is a sidelines correspondent for TNT. For the non-sports watchers, he also served as a correspondent during the London Summer Olympics.

You’re thinking to yourself, but Traci, ‘What’s wrong with this guy? He’s totally normal.’ And I say to you, reader, ‘Nay. This photo is actually a rare occurrence that actually blew a lot of people’s minds because this guy never wears normal clothes.

Craig is known for his outlandish suits when he’s on the court interviewing the world’s best basketball players. So much so that multiple people have written articles about him, started blogs dedicated to his outfits, and even my boy, Kevin Garnett has even called him out on it. But the thing is, is that he’s not even annoying about it. He’s like your dad or grandpa that wears the crazy suits for fun and doesn’t give a shit what anybody thinks. That’s why he’s the greatest, and probs the reason you should get into watching basketball.

Here are a few examples of the NBA’s most colorful character.

because, christmas

velour is always a nice option

his jacket is so bright it looks like someone adjusted the colors in photoshop

this was the boys’ option for the recital costume i had when i was 8 years old, dancing to a chubby checker song.

even craig is like, ‘why did i use my wife’s grandma’s tapestries from england for this coat?’

craig gettin’ a lil kinky with the ties…

i can’t even…

if you’re wondering why this looks familiar, it’s also the same color/pattern theme for the golden girls’ house in florida

craig goin for a three piece suit

going for an americana/barbershop quartet feel

And last, but certainly not least:

this is made out of turkey feathers. real turkey feathers. for a thanksgiving game.

90s Teen Starlets Before Going Down the Rabbit Hole

A couple of weeks ago, Jessica Simpson posted this video of herself playing Cassie in her high school production of A Chorus Line. Much to a lot of people’s surprise – she was actually good.

But here’s the thing we forget about these child/teen stars – at some point they had talent. Long before Jessica Simpson was known for her reality TV show and “chicken of the sea,” and years before we found out the once pure virgin was labeled as “sexual napalm” by John Mayer, she could sing.


(RIP Nick & Jessica)

But what about our other favorite teen stars who went/are currently going insane? Here’s a reminder of some of the biggest Hollywood starlets and their humble, talented beginnings.

Britney

Brit is really the most tragic one out of all of them. We all remember where we were (ok, maybe not, but it was a big day) when she went insane and shaved her head then proceeded to attack a paparazzo with an umbrella. And it seems like although B has gotten better, she’s not the same as she used to be. Just watch this and listen to the Oops album on repeat and remember the good old days.

(Bonus: Full JT & Brit vid from Mickey Mouse Club)

Christina

Xtina didn’t go all the way down the rabbit hole, but she did have a few questionable years. Now she’s back on track with The Voice and her younger beau, and luckily, she still has the pipes to stay in the game.

Amanda

Who the hell knows what’s going on with Amanda Bynes? I don’t, per this previous post.

Lindsay

Lindsay is also still kind of scratching her way out of the rabbit hole… it seems like every time you think she’s out of trouble, she gets in deeper shit. Maybe she should do The Parent Trap 2?

10 Catchiest Wordless TV Theme Songs

For years, instrumental TV theme songs were de rigour. Then, sometime in the mid-to-late 60s, somebody realized that you could sum up the entire premise of the show in a one-minute, three-verse song. Writers didn’t have to add in any exposition! Keep in mind, this was before the age of a two-minute “previously, on ____” preceding every 42-minute program. Viewers needed some way to know what they were getting into.

As time wore on, more generic theme songs took hold, usually about themes like friendship (Golden Girls) or family (Full House, Family Matters). By the mid-90s, tv themes had become chart toppers in their own right, and I still get a little giddy when the Friends theme pipes onto the radio.

Commercial breaks expanded, and run times contracted. Networks had to cut something from their shows, and theme songs were the first to go. By season 9, the Friends theme was about 12 words long. Other themes were reduced to a single line, followed by a nonsense word (Friendship is family forever…. toodles!). Don’t believe me? The Mike And Molly song is 17 seconds long. 10 words.

In tv theme songs – as in fashion and politics – the pendulum always swings back eventually. Instrumental theme songs are it again. I’ll be damned if they aren’t darn catchy, too.

Mad Men

A great title sequence calls for a great theme song. There’s a bit of a tense, Hitchcock-y buildup, so you know there’s going to be drama. But then the cymbals kick in, so you’re pretty sure there will be fun times and laughs, too. Who needs three verses explaining Don Draper’s back story when you have that? (I would actually benefit from three verses explaining Don Draper’s back story).

The Simpsons

I started watching The Simpsons almost as soon as it aired, even though I was barely a toddler. My mom didn’t approve of Bart’s attitude, but that didn’t mean we weren’t allowed to watch it. It just meant that my brothers and I had to go upstairs to do it. This really typifies my parents’ child-rearing philosophy. Like, my room could be messy for a while, but my door had to be closed. Hi, I’m half Irish Catholic, if you couldn’t tell.

Anyway, the most exciting part of the show when I was 4 or 5 was “the couch” – the sight gag at the end of the credits when the family piled onto the sofa. To get to it, you had to sit through a rollicking tour of Springfield. Danny Freakin’ Elfman, you guys. Genius.

30 Rock

Totally jazzy and New York-y. Oddly, more of an early-60s feel than the Mad Men theme. Jeff Richmond is without a doubt one of the great tv composers of our day. His wife’s pretty cool too I guess.

Parks and Recreation

Upbeat and spirited, this is like a theme song for optimism itself. Will Leslie Knope prevail? Of course she will. You don’t write a theme like this for someone who’s anything less than triumphant.

Boy Meets World

I have so much trouble finding people who remember the original Boy Meets World theme. We all remember the generic 90s tune of the later seasons (when this boy meets world — boy meets wor-or-orld – travelin down this road that we call ly-eeef –). But, do you remember the synth-y yet magestic tune of the first season? Extra bonus, the entire title sequence looks like it was created on Microsoft Paint, pre-Windows ‘95.

Because we all still  love the Boy Meets World cast, enjoy this behind-the-scenes info from the filming of the later title sequence:

Law And Order

I don’t know if it’s the solid bass backbeat, the twangy guitar, or the — is that a clarinet?? — but if you blindfolded a person who had never seen Law and Order, played this sequence, and asked them what this show was about, they’d be like “police procedural set in a big city? Early 90s?” I like the moment about 50 seconds in when you think that it’s over, then the music kicks back up, like “just kidding!” Am I overthinking it if I think that’s supposed to evoke the moment ⅘ of the way through the show when you think they got the bad guy but it was a different bad guy? Yeah, I thought so.

Batman

This doesn’t all-the-way qualify, because they say Batman a crazy number of times. By the end of it, it’s like when you repeat a word multiple times and it stops sounding like a word. I also notice that the way kids sing “na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!” doesn’t sound much like this. See, I find that children are terrible at most things because they haven’t been alive very long.

What’s amazing is that even though this is a superhero cartoon, it kind of sounds like 1960s beach music, too. Except for the part where they won’t stop saying Batman.

Doug

I think in this context, “do” isn’t a word.

Babar

Oh, Babar. The show I always saw 20 minutes of because it was on HBO right before I had to leave for church in the morning. Babar was a gentle, sweet show (about colonialism), so this lovely little melody fits perfectly. Unless, that is, crazy, terrible shit always started to go down in the final 10 minutes.

Leave it To Beaver

    When you listen to this peppy, spirited little tune, you just know that for the next half-hour you are going to be in a world where the biggest problem is an 8-year-old with a slingshot. If only that darn announcer would just shut up.

Honorable mention: Clarissa Explains it all

Just a cheerful, energetic number featuring a 14-year-old girl dressed like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I had to DQ it from the list proper because there were a few too many words in there.

Honorable mention: Andy Griffith Show

This theme song is iconic and completely evocative of the show. I’m not denying that. Here’s the thing, though. When I was in elementary school, our music director decided to debut a sung version of this song at the spring concert. It wasn’t even my grade doing it, but all I can think of when I hear this song is 40 eight-year-olds with recorders trying to squeak out the melody, then putting them down to sing about a fishin’ hole.  It was actually way more cute when Andy Griffith sang it than when two classes of third graders did it, who would have thought?

Also, I know this makes me sound like a dour and joyless person, but I can’t stand when people whistle, and this song just encourages it.

As Seen on TV: The Fashion of Pretty Little Liars

HAPPY PLL DAY, Y’ALL!!!!

Pretty Little Liars is back for a fourth season tonight, and we’ll find out who SPOILER ALERT IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP is in the back of the trunk dug out of the pond, if that was really Ali in the red coat, and if Aria’s brother Mike still exists (no but really, where IS he?).

One of my favorite things about PLL is the fashion. Not only do I covet most of the things the girls wear, but I find it fascinating that these four girls from a suburban Pennsylvania town have that much style and money to feed their fashion addictions – yes I know it’s only a TV show, shut up.

Here are a few of my favorite looks from over the seasons for the main PLLs. Bonus: links to where you can purchase their attire! Shout out to Worn on TV, Fashion of Pretty Little Liars, and Fashion of PLL for the links!

Aria Montgomery

When my friends and I get together to watch PLL, we take on each of the characters from the show (ugh, again, shut up), and I am Aria. Personally, she’s a little more edgy and out there than I am, but I still love a lot of her looks.

Season 3, Episode 21: Cardigan from Urban Outfitters – sold out 😦

Season 3, Episode 21: Chiffon Skull Shirt from Bloomingdales – also sold out

Season 3, Episode 8: Pins & Needles Jeweled Collar – again sold out folks. Sorry I keep picking bad ones!

Season 3, Episode 10: Karen Millen Lace Print Blouse

Season 3, Episode 11: Anthropologie Meticulous Floribunda Chemise

Asos Genetic Denim Studded Mini Dress

Emily Fields
Emily’s the sporty, more tomboy one of the group – and yes, she’s a lesbian too. So her style is usually more comfortable and laid back compared to the other PLLs.

Season 3, Episode 12: Urban Outfitters ByCorpus Acid Wash Chambray Button Down Shirt

Season 3, Episode 13: Staring at stars Maxi Tank top dress

Season 3, Episode 24 : Anthropologie Goldleaf Cocktail Dress

Season 3, Episode 19: Urban Outfitters BDG Leopard Print Chambray Button-Down Shirt

Spencer Hastings

Spence is probably my favorite character out of all the PLLs, she’s wicked smart, witty, and willing to put her friends in their place when need be. Natch this comes across in her style.

Season 2, Episode 25: Free People Gianna’s Limited edition leather and lace gown – out of stock 😦

Season 2, Episode 12: Coast Rosa Ribbon Dress – No longer available

Season 2, Episode 4: pins needles strapless lace dress – no longer available

Season 3, Episode 15: Pique Blazer from Zara – sold out

Season 3, Episode 8: Urban Outfitters Staring at stars Ikat Pencil Skirt

Season 3, Episode 24: Anthropologie Harlequin Cord Shirtdress

Hanna Marin

Hanna is the ‘girliest’ and most feminine out of all the PLLs, and she’s super in to shopping and style, and if you remember – shoplifting too.

Season 3, Episode 16: Karen Millen Colorblock Sculptural Dress

Season 3, Episode 22: Zara studded jacket  – sold out

Season 3, Episode 23: Sparkle and Fade dress from Urban Outfitters

Season 3, Episode 19:  Sparkle & Fade Georgette Sleeveless Shirtdress – sold out

Season 3, Episode 19: Zara blouse- out of stock (i actually just love what the costume designer decided to do with layer the black tank top and necklace!)

Season 3, Episode 23: Citizens of Humanity Avedon Jean in Cream/Gold (love the black leather peplum top too! It’s from Urban but sold out too CÖ Vegan Leather Peplum Tank Top)

Finally, what PLL fashion roundup would be complete without redcoAt???

Via Spiga Fall Rain Trench Coat