Ah, conversation hearts. A Valentine’s Day staple. Over 8 million of these suckers are sold every year. I can assure you it’s not for the taste, because they taste like chalk with a slight artificial cherry flavor. I assume the allure is the excitement when you pick a random heart and read what your love life has in store for you. ‘Be Mine,’ ‘Love You,’ ‘Call Me,’ etc. etc.

But I have a few ideas for the Necco company to consider, in order to bring the ‘conversation’ to 2013.

• Let’s Bone
• I Like Your Face
• What’s Your Friend’s Name
• I Ship You So Hard
• Real or Not Real
• Hashtag 143
• Follow Me
• Catfished
• Go H.A.M
• Socute
• Dumb Bitch
• I Salsa Your Face
• Be My Lady Mary/Cousin Matthew
• Stalk Me
• Emoji of Frog and Pizza Slice and Exploding Heart
• Go Fuck Yourself
• Rachet
• Stop
• I Can’t
• Unfriended
• Suck It
• You’re the Worst
• S MY D