How James Blunt’s Self-Awareness Can Teach Us More About Ourselves

You guys know James Blunt, right? No? It’s this guy:

Right. He also had this other tune, but as far as his success in the U.S. goes, he’s a one-hit-wonder. You’re Beautiful came out 12 years ago, and James has never stopped making new music, but around the world, he’s most recognizable for that unique voice that claims his life is brilliant and his life is pure. He’s become a bit of a joke, and I don’t mean that in a mean way, but in the way artists who fall into this one-hit-category do when they reach popularity then seemingly fade into being a civilian again (anyone heard from Gotye lately?).

And like a lot of civilians, James has used Twitter to post quippy remarks about current events and pop culture. But unlike a lot of civilians, James turned to Twitter to fire back at trolls who constantly put him down for his alleged inability to become a star after first finding fame. In fact, over the past year or so, he’s used that criticism to work in his favor. Instead of letting it get to him, James turned it on its head and is fully embracing his one-hit-wonderness. He’s self-aware in the best possible way – and a way that can revive his career again.

To be fair, James has been aces at Twitter since ’09, but it wasn’t until I saw him on the Graham Norton Show a couple weeks ago that I found out about this unique superpower he has.

I did a little research at lo and behold, the dude is funny. He lets you know he knows what you think of him in his Twitter bio alone:

And he knows that he’s got some competition for your hate from another unpopular band:

Nickelback, you guys. James’ entire Twitter feed is full of these gems that make you like him more than you ever hated hearing You’re Beautiful on the radio for the 72nd time in a row.

And as a reward for all the Twitter trolls, he let them know that he’ll be fuelling the fire in 2017:

His new album, The After Love, came out last Friday, and his label’s marketing team got in on the action by using his unpopularity to sell his new record. We’ve reached peak self-awareness here folks. Exhibit A:

Of course, he got in on the action too:

And what could possibly be the best tweet yet:

It’s probably best for James’ own psyche to play the troll game and come out on top, but I think we can all learn from his strategy. Whether it be on social media or in real life, we have to take criticisms from people who we don’t value with a grain of salt.

“I just use (social media) to laugh: not at people posting, but at myself, too, for taking them seriously. At the end of the day, these people don’t work particularly hard to make their criticisms; they don’t drive for hours to see a concert and then say, ‘I didn’t like the concert.’ They’re normally (people) who are posting in the dark in their rooms with their trousers around their ankles.” {James to USA Today x}

And we shouldn’t waste our time on people in dark rooms with their trousers off. Our time’s better spent giving James Blunt chance to become a two-hit-wonder.

Spring Memes Make Me Feel Fine: Meryl Shouting Into The Void

Look, I know we just did a Spring Memes piece a couple weeks ago, but this is too good not to pass up.

Like with all great memes, we can’t be 100% sure where it originated, but what I can tell you that this photo of Meryl Streep that is the basis of the meme is from two years ago when she was whooping for Debbie Reynolds at the SAG Awards. So why is it popping up now? Who knows. Who cares. All I want is a two-line tweet of song lyrics with the second part in all caps lock. That’s all that’s gonna get us through this Friday. Enjoy.

The internet loves Mr. Brightside

Meryl loves Britney, you know it

Podcast lovers only

Are we sure those are the words?

I’m uncomfortable with the mouth but comfortable with this reference

Shoutout to my HSM lovers

Those are the correct lyrics

Real talk tho

Driver roll up the partition please

DAMN!

Natch

But let’s not forget: who slayed it first?

Mom?

A post shared by Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) on

squarespace

hamilton/andrew

Pilot You Should Watch If You Haven’t Already: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Get ready to add another show to your list in this golden age of television!

If you’re one of those Gilmore Girls fans who also watched Bunheads for Amy Sherman-Palladino’s writing style, and continued to watch despite the fact the show had its flaws, we have a new show for you! OR if you didn’t watch either of those shows and have no idea who Amy Sherman-Palladino is, we have a new show for you! The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel pilot was released on Friday, and transports us back to 1958 in New York City, where a woman (the titular Mrs. Maisel played by Rachel Brosnahan) goes from “uptown housewife to stand-up comic in Greenwich Village.”

Like all Amazon pilots, the company bosses determine which shows they’ll pick up based on what the viewers want. You can currently watch the pilot for free (even without an Amazon Prime subscription), but if you need some convincing (or watched it already and want to relive it), read on to see why you need to add Mrs. Maisel to your queue.

Rachel Brosnahan!

I appreciated her as a prostitute in House of Cards, but TBH when I heard she got cast in this show, I had some hesitation – solely based on her playing Rachel in HoC, which I understand is unreasonable. But boy oh boy did she impress me in Maisel. She completely inhabits Midge Maisel’s New York housewife persona, and I felt like “House of Cards Rachel Brosnahan” and “Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Rachel Brosnahan” are two completely different human beings. Her performance is not forced – it’s honest, hilarious, and heartbreaking all at the same time. It’s one of those things where you think, “My god, she’s going to be a star.”

Mrs. Maisel!

The character of Miriam “Midge” Maisel is strong right from the get-go, as we see her giving a toast – more like a stand-up act complete with upright mic – at her wedding reception. She’s a loving and doting wife, but doesn’t let the “Mrs.” in front of her name define her. She has gumption but isn’t overbearing and annoying, and you find yourself rooting for her throughout the entire episode. She’s a character not to be slept on.

Mad Men Fix!

One of the things I loved most about Mad Men was just being in that world of 1960s New York. If you miss having that period piece in your life too, Maisel will definitely feed your addiction. The costumes (more on that next), sets, props, etc. are Matthew Weiner level detailed.

Costumes!

If you were to ask me what decade I’d like to live in, I will one hundred percent say the 1960s. Besides, like, the environment of segregation and racism that I’d have to endure, take me back. The music, the arts, the clothes – oh the clothes. In Maisel, every person on the screen is wearing an outfit that transports you back a few decades, and I am so here for it. And speaking of Mad Men, Midge even rocks a flowing blue nightgown that is v Betty Draper Francis. I loved it.

Cameos!

Amy is like the Christopher Guest or Ryan Murphy of reparatory players. She has an arsenal of actors she likes to work with, and they keep coming back for more. In Maisel, there were two Gilmore Girls alums – Alex Borstein, who played OG Sookie, Drella, and Ms. Celine and Brian Tarantina, who played Bootsy. Plus Bunheads ballerina (and GG: AYITL 30-Something) Bailey DeYoung aka Ginny has a lovely scene with Midge. And also Gilbert Godfried, because, comedy.

Amazon!

I’ve never watched anything on AmazonPrime but if you hover over the screen, it’ll give you a brief IMDb-type breakdown of the cast plus, details of the song that’s playing. Brilliant! Is this something they do all the time?

Music!

One of ASP’s off-screen rep players is musician Sam Phillips, who you know better as the woman who sings all the “La Las” in GG. She serves as Maisel’s music supervisor and while there are thankfully no La Las in this, she did curate an amazing soundtrack which in the pilot alone features ’60s staples Johnny Mathis, Barbra Streisand, and Peggy Lee, among others.

Classic Amy Sherman-Palladino!

ASP’s trademark is her fast-paced dialogue and it does not slow down in the ’60s. If you didn’t like the fact that Lorelai and Rory spoke “too fast” on GG, don’t bother wasting your time on Maisel, because the swift, quirky, borderline over-the-top scripts are back. And with that comes some of Amy’s Palladino-isms, that only a crazy person like me would notice. For instance, characters frequently use sarcasm to get their point across, or use it to hide behind real emotion or confrontation (see: Lorelai/Emily). Then there’s giving inanimate objects names: in Maisel, Midge says Ted the Moth ruined her husband’s sweater, just like Luke kept forgetting Bert the Toolbox and Lorelai’s house.

bye bye bert

In Maisel, there are odd tertiary characters like the one spoken word poet who just kept saying the city “Spokane” over and over again, which is something Kirk would totally do on open mic night. At one point, Midge says the phrase, “Goodnight, Gracie”, which is a) the name of a GG episode S3, E20 “Say Goodnight, Gracie”, b) is an exchange Luke and Lor have and c) all of the above are a ref to a George Burns and Gracie Allen play. Another Palladinoism in both GG and Bunheads are pop culture references up the wahzoo, but luckily, not many pop culture references (besides Ed Sullivan and Bob Newhart) in Maisel. However, there are some questionable lines (“You get chick raped?”).

Then there are character parallels that stood out to me between Maisel and Gilmore, and it’s probably because I know GG so well. To regular viewers, this won’t be a thing. And TBH, it’s not a thing to me either, but I’m just saying I see Richard and Emily in Midge’s parents, Abe and Rose. It’s not as blatant as it was in Bunheads, and I think that’s what makes this show 10xs better than Bunheads both in the pilot and entire series.

All this being said, what I think makes this show different is that this era is the era that ASP was born to write for (or born to live in), and it hits all the right notes the entire episode.

Bottom Line:

Watch this pilot! (and tell Amazon you want it picked up for an entire season). I dare say it’s as strong, if not stronger than the Gilmore Girls pilot. I was impressed with Amy’s next level writing and storytelling, and how she’s managed to create (hopefully) another hit.

Notable Quotes:

“Did we have kids?” Joel inquring about his children’s whereabouts when he comes home after work

“Your daddy is crazy… Now let’s measure your forehead.” Midge

“I’m just afraid she’s not a pretty girl.”

50 Reasons Why We Love Lauren Graham For Her 25th* Birthday

As a lifelong Backstreet Boys fan, I admittedly spent a few years during my teenybopper era celebrating the birth of my favorite member, AJ McLean. One year, my parents even fed into my delusions by purchasing a small cookie cake and we stood around my kitchen table singing happy birthday to him. He was not there.

Is it weird that we celebrate celebrities’ birthdays as if we know them on a personal level? Maybe. Now as an adult, I no longer blow out candles on Wegmans pastries for a stranger I’ve met a few times. When the day comes, it’s become more of an appreciation of those we admire as opposed to a borderline stalker event that could be used against you in a court of law. The idea of fame and celebrity is weird enough, but when you get down to it, you’re attracted to these people in the spotlight because you have similar interests, believe in similar ideals, and hold their professional work in high regard.

So today, on the *second anniversary of her 25th birthday, we’re going to do just that for one of our blog patron saints, Lauren Graham, and note just 50 reasons why she’s worthy of that title (in no particular order). Of course she is known as one of the most iconic TV moms in history, but in addition to her stellar work, we can’t help but gush over someone we admire for who she is as a human being. Happy Birthday, LG. Here’s to another 50.

1) Lauren, a New York Times Best Seller, isn’t just an actress who thinks she can write. She graduated from Barnard College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English Literature.

2) While studying at the selective New York school, she used to sneak on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade route the night before and look at all the huge balloons before they were inflated. This is something not only I would weirdly want to see, but apparently, is something her BF Peter Krause did too. Not together. Which is even more of a reason that they’re *~mEaNt 2 B~*

3) And because one degree wasn’t enough, she also earned a Master of Fine Arts degree in Acting Performance from Texas’ Southern Methodist University.

4) She and her dad are IRL Lorelai/Rory.

“We had a special kind of friendship: I came along to dinner and dates. He took me to concerts. We’d go on road trips. I didn’t have a strong idea of how to play a mom—my mom was in my life, but not on a daily basis. I came into it without an idea of how moms “should act” or how it “should be.” I came in thinking of my friendship with my dad–that was my model.” {x}

5) Her appearances on talk shows are always entertaining. Exhibit #1: She’s just as awkward as you at parties.

6) She has to deal with people eating her food creations too:

7) Kelly Clarkson/LG mutual appreciation society (click to read entire thread)

8) And she sings along to KC in the car like us too

9) She respects the art of letter writing – she used to keep in touch with her TV dad Edward Hermann by writing notes to him. She even read an excerpt of one of their letters during his memorial in early 2015.

10) And listens to her TV mom when it comes to the important stuff (finding love):

Lauren’s POV:

“From the start of the show Kelly named herself my TVM, or TV mom, by which she meant she was taking her character’s role seriously, beyond the pages or sets and out into the real world … In a maternal, protective way, she found most of my boyfriends at the time lacking, and once told me I needed someone who was more my equal, like ‘that wonderful actor on Six Feet Under’.” {x}

Kelly’s POV: 

“I was always giving Lauren advice on her love life—from experience to advice to opinion. We had lots of discussions about that… I am so happy (she’s with Peter Krause). She doesn’t remember this, but a long time ago, we were talking about the latest unworthy person. She is a very bright woman, and I always thought the guys she was going out with weren’t smart enough for her because that’s going to bore you after a while! Very quickly, actually. A lot of them weren’t that successful, so that always makes the dynamic really awkward. So we’re talking about her latest problem and the fact that there’s no one out there, and I say, “You know, I’ve been watching this show I love called Six Feet Under, and there’s this guy…” and she says, “I know, Peter Krause.” And I said, “I think you two would make the greatest couple.” She said, “That’s all very nice. We worked together years ago and there was some attraction, but he’s married.” I went, “Oh, OK, that’s it!” All these years go by and I send her a birthday email—”Happy birthday. Love, TV Mom”—and she writes back in March and says, “I didn’t tell you this, but I’ve been seeing Peter Krause since December. We’ve been an item; we’re going together.” I said, “That is so fabulous!” I saw her a couple years ago when she was in New York and reminded her of that conversation and she didn’t remember it. I saw that guy and thought, Wow, he’d be really good with Lauren.” {x}

11) And she’s been able to keep her relationship with PK relatively low over the past seven years.

“I don’t really experience a spotlight. In this case, nobody knew for a while, because we like to be at home, cooking and not going out. I’ve also been really protective of it, because it’s important that you can buy us as brother and sister on the show.” {x}

12) Same goes for the fact she’s not seen out and about in Hollywood 24/7:

“I have the same friends I’ve always had; most of my dear friends are from college [she went to Barnard] or high school. I think with a little bit of effort you can lead a somewhat quiet life in this business. And anyway, I don’t know how interesting people would find it to have the Gilmore girl caught in a brawl. [Laughs.] I’m lying. That would be really cool.”

13) She helps bring the fandoms together:

14) Lauren would’ve been a really good fake talk show host on the pilot that was never picked up, but thank GOD she was able to host for real while stepping in for Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show.

15) Talk Show Exhibit #2

16) Day drinking is acceptable and you can use the excuse of “It’s Christmas!” for it to be totally OK.

“I meet my sister at the hotel restaurant. She’s got to get to an office holiday party, so we quickly share a warm Caesar salad (sounds weird, but it’s good), and a tuna tartare. It’s a little early, but should we have a glass of wine? We decide: Yes! It’s Christmas, after all! Everything is great, and the bill comes to about $1,092. We resolve to meet up later, but decide to branch out and eat somewhere that won’t cost us another Ferrari.” {x}

17) Because she also enjoyed these cameos (#WeLoveYouLaurenComeOnTheShow)

18) She got Amy Sherman-Palladino, and Amy got her back. That’s what made GG magic.

Lauren on Amy: “Reading through the script] felt like two things: One, the idea of someone else doing it made me really mad [Laughs]. It’s just a spark, you read something and you’re like, “Whoa.” I started playing the character from like page one and sometimes it’s not that seamless. I felt like I knew what the writer meant, you know? It was a connection. I just really connected to the material.” {x}

Amy on Lauren: “She talks a mile a minute, and pace is my whole life… Lauren could handle the language and get her mouth around the words and make it mean something. I got her immediately, and I could write for her voice like gangbusters.” {x}

19) She’s fully aware of the dated costumes on GG:

20) She’s really good at cold reading/improv, as witnessed in this bit with Anna Faris on her Unqualified podcast

21) Also on that podcast ep (around :23), Lauren detailed how she understands and truly gets fans’ passion and love for Gilmore: “Something about Gilmore Girls really speaks to certain people… I really appreciate that sense of ‘I know you’ kind of feeling… I never thought this would be the case, but the show stuck around, so (fans) are now watching it with their kids, and it’s meant a family thing to them… I didn’t really grow up with my mom, I grew up with my dad. My mom lived in England for many years and while I was doing that show, they would send it to her – it wasn’t airing there, but they would send it to her. It meant so much to her that they did that and it was such a bonding experience for us, so i have actually had that experience of the show bringing me closer to my mother so I try to respect that.

22) She loved Downton as much as we all did

23) And had the same reaction we did when we first saw the Downton cast in full glam:

“It was a dark day when I saw the Downton Abbey cast in street make-up. I really love to be transported and not to think about how they might shop at Whole Foods.” {x}

24) Talk Show Exhibit #3

25) She could’ve contributed to our Everything’s Coming Up Rosie Week

26) Parenthood boss Jason Katims perfectly details what we love about LG’s acting abilities:

“What impresses me is her ability to not only play the humor that’s inherent in the scene, but to mine the humor, to find more of those moments. Sarah (Braverman) is in an embarrassing situation: she has to move back home as an adult with two children. So you’re looking for somebody who will bring the humor, intelligence and humility to make you really like that person. Those are qualities that Lauren brings so beautifully to what she does.” {x}

27) She steals things from work like all of us:

28) She isn’t the type of actress to leave her co-stars in the dust. E.G.: helping newbie Alexis Bledel on the GG pilot/beginning of season 1:

“The only place where she was so new was technically, and that show – as fun and breezy and light as it is – is technically really challenging because Amy liked to get a master, flawless single take….The camera’s following us and we’d have to curve around at a certain point or pause at a certain point. We have a very delineated path and if, you know, she’d sort of stray, we’d pull her back. We have a lot of scenes in those early episodes where I’m literally gluing her to my side. I don’t know if she noticed or cared, it kind of worked and it served to help make us look like this connected duo because I literally wouldn’t let go of her.” {x}

29) She was in an a cappella group in college called the Metrotones. If there is footage of this, RELASE THE TAPES.

30) Talk Show Exhibit #4

31) Adam Shankman, her director on 2005 film The Pacifier sings her praises for her ability to balance work and friendship: “She’s incredibly smart and incredibly upbeat – always supportive and a great cheerleader, both personally and professionally. As a friend, she is everything you could hope for in this town.” {x}

32) She keeps in real – sometimes being on your fave TV show isn’t all you expect

33) She’s always game to play a prank:

34) She’s really best friends with her TV daughter, Mae Whitman

35) And really close with Miles Heizer (Drew) and Jason Ritter (Should-have-been-husband Mark Cyr). So much so they all got matching champagne bottle necklaces

36) Because #TeamMark forever

37) To reiterate, it’s a family affair when you support your TV daughter’s play

we bravermans gotta stick together #themysteryofloveandsex #supportivefamily #extremelylucky

A post shared by mae margaret whitman (@mistergarf) on

38) Seriously, we adore their friendship:

Mae on Lauren: “When you’re acting with her, I could go in and not have any idea what I was doing and look into her eyes and know that I was going to be taken care of, because she’s truly the most elegant and smart and funny and classy person I know.”

Speaking of a scene in the penultimate episode of Parenthood in which Sarah and Amber have a heart-to-heart and sing Joni Mitchell’s The Circle Game: “They let us improvise a lot on Parenthood. That was one of the last scenes we shot together after six years of building this relationship with our two characters, and so right before we were about to cut — I added, I looked at her and it just came out — I said, ‘You’re my hero,’ and that really wasn’t a line. That came from Mae Whitman to Lauren Graham: So she’s my idol and my hero.” {x}

39) Because LG’s the type of friend who will write break-up texts for you:

Mae: “My first introduction to Lauren’s writing was a poem around Christmastime that was so so genuine and hilarious and so, so smart, without being the least bit manipulative or saccharine. Right then I knew that we would see great things from her in the writing department.I mean, I’ve had her write break-up texts for me for God’s sake! Side note: I do not necessarily condone or recommend breaking up with anyone over a text; but if you’ve got to do it, get yourself a Lauren Graham. Trust me … I think the most amazing thing to me about her writing is that she’s able to be so inclusive and present and so genuinely funny without ever being mean or cutting anyone down. She’s like the Jim Henson of the writing world.” {x}

40) Wise words:

41) Talk show exhibit #5:

42) She’s obsessed with Hamilton too (and bonus Mandy Moore getting in on the action)

43) This is a good time to remind everyone she’s a theater nerd at heart.

44) She truly gets the importance of Gilmore:

“That’s part of the wish fulfillment of this show, is ‘What if?’. What if you lived in this town where getting a traffic light was a major event? What if you were late to the town meeting again and everyone was going to know about it, you know, ‘What if?’ There was a real comfort aspect to living in this world that wasn’t gritty reality and that was part of the joy of it. It’s real but it’s also a break from the real world.” {The Today Show Reunion at the ATX TV Festival, 2015}

45) Friendship Goals AF

46) Writer’s block is real for everyone:

47) She’s with her and him

48) She understands how unique and rare it is to get the opportunity to go back to a show years after it ends, and embraced it fully.

“You hardly get a chance anytime in life to appreciate the moment you’re in while you’re in it,” Graham said. “The fact that it was the people who brought us back, and we got to finish a story we hadn’t gotten to finish, and this character I love so much … I was just walking around like, ‘Thank you so much for being here.’ I was just a freak. I had so much appreciation, it was overwhelming. I’m not a person who cries very easily. I cried almost every day.” {x}

49) As a person who cries at pretty much everything, LG describing her first time back on the Gilmore set is basically me the first time I watched Winter:

“When I walked onto the set for the first time. We had to do a camera test and… the house. [She gets choked up] It’s on a different stage but it’s… the house. Alexis [Bledel] and I walked onto the set together and — I feel super emotional about a lot of it and I’m afraid I’m going to start crying at every turn — but walking onto that set really felt like something. It felt like a lot of time had passed and it felt like we were just there. It felt amazing.” {x}

50) The Future Is Female, and Lorelai Gilmore will never be forgotten: “I can’t tell you what a kick I get out of (hearing from the fans), especially the younger people over the years who have grown up with the show and have (developed) a bond with a family member from a different generation while watching it together. I hope when I’m 55 and I’ve been out of a job for a long time and those girls are running the studios, that they remember Lorelai Gilmore.” {x}

Spring Memes Make Me Feel Fine: Obamacare vs. Trumpcare

On Monday, Republicans revealed their plans to replace the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, with a pile of papers called the American Health Care Act, aka Trumpcare. There are a number of controversial changes in the new act, including defunding Planned Parenthood, a complicated tax credit system, and a plan to roll back the expansion of Medicaid in three years’ time. The draft bill basically takes health coverage away from many Americans, most whom are low-income care recipients, while rich Americans would benefit.

In keeping tradition with this administration since November 8th, the draft bill is trash, and people against the AHCA obviously took to the internet to express their opposition, in the form of a Obamacare vs. Trumpcare meme that is making its rounds on the world wide web. Here are just a few faves to warm your resistance spirit.

Is that Bort?

#PinterestFail

That piece will never not be funny

TBH, didn’t even know there was another Mean Girls

Johnny Depp is always a downgrade

Unbreakable

He’ll be back (to take your health care away)

True Detective Season 3: Barack and Joe?

But if we’re talking IRL, OG Aunt Viv is definitely the crazier one.

Is that Jessica Walter??

I can’t stop laughing at this

BARRY.

Perhaps the most accurate one of them all:

I Rory Gilmore’d a Pro/Con List For The Possible Gilmore Girls Revival (Revival)

A few days ago, Netflix head honcho Ted Sarandos stirred the Stars Hollow pot and got fans all riled up by prompting clickbaity headlines like, “More Gilmore Girls episodes possibly on the horizon”, and “Netflix and Gilmore Girls creators are in talks for new episodes”. The reality is that Teddy told the UK press that his team is in”very preliminary” talks with GG gods Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino for a revival… of the revival.

“We hope [there are more installments]. We obviously loved the success of the show, fans loved how well it was done, it delivered what they hoped… the worst thing is to wait a couple of years for your favorite show to come back and for it to disappoint you, but they sure delivered and people were really excited about more, and we have been talking to them about the possibility of that.” {via THR}

It is important for all GG fans to know that “very preliminary talks” and “possibility” of new episodes is the key here. Nothing is set in stone. There is a very, very, very long road with many hurdles to greenlighting a show. Sure, Netflix can make it a top priority on their production list (although GG isn’t even the highest rated show on Netflix but whatevs), but just because Ted says they’re talking, it doesn’t mean it’s a sure thing.

But the question is – are the talks even worth it? Do Gilmore Girls fans want more episodes? Does the cast want more episodes? Do Amy and Dan, the creators of this world we love, want more episodes?

To get to the bottom of this, I took the Rory Gilmore approach and created a Pro and Con list of bring the Gilmores back into our lives once again. Spoiler: I do come to a conclusion based on this v scientific model, so Ted, take heed.

Pro: Return to Stars Hollow

One of the first scenes in Winter, the first episode of A Year in the Life, was a sweeping pan of the familiar quaint town of Stars Hollow, coated in fresh snow while lights conveniently turned on as the camera slowly followed Lorelai and Rory across the square, passing by the town troubadour who is singing the perfect song to bring us back to their own little corner of the world. It was perfect. I cried when I saw it. It was exactly what I wanted the revival to be. That feeling of comfort and returning home was captured in that one scene, and to go back to that would not be something I’d shy away from.

Con: Do the actors even want this?

Now I wasn’t part of the cast & crew of GG but from what I gather, when season 7 came around, a lot of people were worn out. They worked long days for most of the year, since those were the days of 22/23 episodes per season. Alexis allegedly wanted out and had no plans to renew her contract. Eight years after it ended, everyone had moved on personally and professionally, and most importantly refreshed with a renewed desire to come back. The main cast (Lauren, Alexis, Scott and Kelly) were all available and willing to reprise their characters in order to finish the story that ASP and Dan originally set out to tell.

The rest of the cast seemed up for it too, but for people like Jared Padalecki, his Supernatural schedule limited his screen time to the one scene. And do y’all even remember that Melissa McCarthy almost wasn’t even in AYITL? Woman is a millionaire busy making action comedy movies with Paul Feig. She carved out a few hours in her schedule to film that one scene in Fall. Lorelai’s best friend lived in Stars Hollow for most of the revival, yet we only saw her for like 10 minutes. All because Melissa is a big movie star now. So are they even up for another installment?

Ever since the OG series ended, Lauren & Alexis were constantly asked if they would return to GG, and even at the premiere of AYITL, the cast was asked if there could be more.

“We’re all just we’re grateful we got a chance to do this,” she said. “It really is about telling a good story for us. Just to keep doing more for the sake of it probably just wouldn’t feel satisfying for anybody. We just want to make sure we’re doing it for a really great reason.” {via E! News}

To me, that sounds like Alexis doesn’t want to ruin a good thing, and would have to be convinced to sign on. And what good is the Gilmore Girls without a third of the Girls (no matter how annoying she is)? I feel like forcing these actors to do something they might not want to do isn’t the ideal situation to come back.

Pro: Lorelai (and Luke) as Grandparents

OK now that my OTP is finally married I wouldn’t be mad at seeing them as a married couple. Although it’s probs just more of the same back and forth flirty bickering (AND I AM OK WITH THAT). But since a baby of their own is out of the picture (I guess?), a baby in the form of a grandchild would be interesting to say the least. Just picture Luke tending to Rory’s child. He will spoil that kid rotten. It’s the stuff fanfics are made of.

Con: Rory as a Mom

We can all agree that Rory in AYITL was v problematic, right? The problem itself was that ASP wrote Rory the way she imagined she would be in season seven, a 23-year-old recent college graduate, not a 32-year-old freelance journalist. Finding out out you’re having a child at the age of 23 is MUCH different than finding out you’re having a child at 32. Furthermore, at the rate she’s going, Rory would be even more annoying moving forward. For some reason, ASP & Dan decided to paint her as a member of the 30-something gang™ who isn’t prepared for job interviews and is casually sleeping with her engaged ex-boyfriend despite having a boyfriend who she keeps forgetting to break up with. This is the same person that was her high school valedictorian and did extra extra credit for fun. I find it hard to believe that she would do a complete 180 in such a short amount of time. Present Rory is not someone I necessarily want to keep tabs on. And before you Rory defenders get all defendy – yes, it’s also a pro that we’d be able to see her as a mom, for the good and the bad.

Pro: #JusticeForLane

One of the major upsets from AYITL for me was that we didn’t get enough Lane Kim. I was hoping that since her storyline sucked ever since circa season 3, we’d get to see more of Lane and if/how she’s living her best life. Instead, we got about 10 minutes of Lane solely acting as a sounding board for Rory’s problems. We don’t even know if Lane is still working at Luke’s, if she’s at the Antique store full time, to what extent Hep Alien plays in their life – nothing. Instead we got the unnecessary reveal of Mr. Kim.

And let’s just call it like it is – this is all Adam Brody’s fault for choosing The OC over GG. If Dave had stayed around, Lane wouldn’t be married to Zach, wouldn’t have had twins, and wouldn’t be working for Mrs. Kim (I’m guessing).

Con: Are we just making profits instead of making art

Fact: Luke and Lorelai’s wedding scene wasn’t originally that middle of the night elopement that you saw in Fall. While I loved how it turned out, that was a much scaled down version of what Amy and Dan had in mind. ASP revealed the wedding secrets to OG Gilmore Guy Michael Ausiello back in December:

“The wedding was originally a much bigger deal. The wedding was a whole shebang. And then they took money away from us. Anything that has extras in it and costumes became a production nightmare. So we had to figure out how to make this wedding satisfying without doing ‘The Big Wedding.'” {via TVLine}

What I’m saying is that business usually gets in the way of what the creators truly want to do. Amy probably never imagined there would be a possibility of life after the revival (or even a revival at all), so in her mind, should we only see this slice of Stars Hollow in this time frame, and nothing more? Are they only in “preliminary talks” with Netflix because it became this huge international phenomenon and they can make a lot of profits from it? Or does ASP actually feel like there’s more story worth telling?

Pro: More Gilmore Guys

I’ve talked about my love for the Gilmore Guys before, and it’s been truly a special journey that we’ve been on together for the past two years. I started listening around the spring of 2015, when they interviewed Scott Patterson for the first time. Then, the conceit was just one longtime fan and one new fan comically talking about a show I loved in a way I had never heard before. Then they started interviewing more cast members, they went to the same ATX TV Festival we did for the GG reunion, then all hell broke loose when the official revival was announced, and the podcast turned into something greater than they ever would have thought. Even though co-hosts Kevin and Demi are done with covering GG and AYITL and have moved on to Bunhead Bros, it would be nice to hear them talking about GG once again. And so they can finally get Lauren, Alexis and ASP on the show.

Con: Perpetuating revival/reboot culture

It seems like every week, a network is announcing the comeback of some show that was popular or mildly popular 10+ years ago. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, L.A. Law, Charmed, Will & Grace. All these shows are coming back to TV, but can they ever recapture the same magic from their original run? It seems more often than not, the answer is no.

Now actors and producers of shows know that just because a series ends, it doesn’t mean it’s the end the end. I feel like in some cases that possibility of coming back even effects the way creators write series finales, letting the chance of something in the future determine that final chapter. It’s the same idea of setting up a huge cliffhanger at the end of a season if you don’t know if you’re going to be renewed or not. You throw all your eggs into one basket, and hope for the best that you’ll be back after summer hiatus to finish telling the story.

In my opinion, this shouldn’t be the case. Creators should tell the story exactly how the want to tell it, from beginning to end. There has to be a legitimate reason for a show to come back, otherwise you’re just doing fan service. Gilmore Girls’ reason was the ASP & Dan weren’t able to creatively end the show the way they wanted it to. AYITL gave them that chance. On the flip side, Will & Grace ended with a satisfying series finale (that flashed forward into the future), with all its creators and stars in place. Did I love Will & Grace and think it was important to society as a whole? Yes. Do we need more episodes? No. I got closure with the series finale. Anything more is just being selfish. Will I watch it? Probably.

Pro: It can answer a lot of questions from the revival

Who wrote the letter to Emily? Why wasn’t there more Miss Patty? What is Zack’s job? Does Jess actually have lingering feelings for Rory? Does Rory tell Logan he’s the father (we’re assuming)? Does Logan leave Anabelle because of his impending fatherhood? Is the surrogate/baby thing a case closed situation between Lorelai and Luke? Does Michel stay at the Dragonfly when it moves to the convent? Will Sookie work at the Dragonfly again? Why show Mr. Kim? Does Rory continue working at the Stars Hollow Gazette? Is she even making money from the Stars Hollow Gazette? What happened to her “Gilmore Girls” book? Did Lorelai end up reading it and liking it? Is Emily really living her best life? Is Berta still with her? What’s the deal with her gentleman caller Jack? Are Liz and TJ ever going to get out of the vegetable cult? What is Brian doing with his life? Do Paris and Doyle finalize their divorce or reconcile? Is Petal OK? Is Paul OK?

Con: Logistically and Realistically it’s no good

So let’s break it down, Gillies. If Netflix is in prelim talks with ASP and Dan, those talks can last months. Then there’s the contract negotiations with the cast. And more importantly, the Palladinos have to come up with a legit story outline. They had a decade to flesh out ideas for the revival and had so many that they had to cut out a lot of storylines. Knowing what I know of these two, they’re perfectionists who won’t compromise their storytelling for time. These things don’t happen overnight. Let’s say at the earliest, my best guess is the show wouldn’t even premiere until 2019. If they pick up in real time, that means Rory’s kid would be three (if she keeps the baby), and Lor & Luke would be a few years into their marriage – we wouldn’t organically see preggo Rory or Lor & Luke’s town wedding. I’m guessing that’s what a lot of fans would want to see (yes, including me).

Another big hurdle is that the Palladinos already have a show in production, Amazon’s The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which premieres on March 17th. Like all Amazon shows, fans ultimately determine whether or not the pilot gets picked up to series, so while we don’t know the fate of it just yet, I have a hunch ASP & Dan are going to be busy for a while. They’d be bonkers to take on two projects at once. But yet, anything could happen.

Bottom Line:

I’m in the minority of fans who don’t need more Gilmore Girls episodes, because on my own list, the cons outweigh the pros. I said this in our AYITL wrap up, the four episodes we were blessed with in November were the final chapter in the book Amy never got to finish writing themselves. Her story, the one she never thought she’d get to end the way she wanted, is complete. Anything made after this is the sequel that will always be contended and compared to the original. Did we need a second installment of Grease? No. Because ASP was able to show fans her own ending, it was enough to make me feel closure with the story as a whole, and satisfied with saying goodbye to the Gilmores once and for all. That being said, did I watch Grease 2? Of course. That Michelle Pfeiffer is a gem.

What do you think, Gillies? Do you want more eps?

Black History Spotlight #5: Alice Allison Dunnigan

All this month, we’ve been shining a spotlight on prominent black history makers. From Frederick Douglass to Marsha P. Johnson, we’ve learned a few things about Americans who helped make this country great, and hope you did too. We’re closing out the month with Alice Allison Dunnigan, a black female reporter, whose beat was politics – primarily in the White House. Read on to see what life was like for a female journalist of color back in the day.

alice-allison-dunnigan

/1/ Teen Prodigy

Alice first bit the journalism bug at age 13, when she started writing for the Owensboro Enterprise, the local paper in her home state of Kentucky. Although the extent of her contribution was only one-sentence news items, the experience left her knowing she wanted to be a reporter.

/2/ History Has Its Eyes On You

AT the time, black kids were only allowed 10 years of education, but Alice Allison decided to go further and attended Kentucky State University, where she completed a teaching course. She used her degree to become a history teacher in the Todd County School System, which was still segregated. While teaching her black kids, she noticed most of them had no idea of the contributions African-Americans had made to the state, so she made it her goal to educate them. Alice Allison then made “Kentucky Fact Sheets”, and gave them to her students as supplements to the required text in class. In 1939, the papers were collected for publication, but due to the political climate, no publisher was willing to print them. But in 1982, Associated Publishers Inc. finally took the papers to press and made the sheets into a publication called The Fascinating Story of Black Kentuckians: Their Heritage and Tradition. Alice Allison was a teacher in Kentucky public schools from 1924 to 1942, but because she wasn’t exactly getting paid the big bucks, she still worked small jobs in the summer, like a housekeeper and washing tombstones in the white cemetery.

/3/ A Full Time Job

But when she ended her teaching tenure in 1942, it was because she took on a call for government workers in Washington, D.C. during World War II. While she worked in her federal government job, she took night classes at Howard University,and by 1946, she was offered a job writing for the Chicago Defender newspaper as a Washington correspondent. The black-owned publication never used “negro” or “black”, but rather used the phrase “The Race” in reference to African-Americans. However, the down side to this was that the editor of the Defender was unsure of her writing abilities strictly because she was a women, she he paid her much less than her male co-workers until she could prove her worth.

/4/ HBIC

In 1947, served as a writer for the Washington bureau of the Associated Negro Press. During her time there, she sought credentials to become a member of the Senate and House of Representatives press galleries, but it didn’t come without a fight. The government denied her requests, citing the fact she wasn’t writing for a daily newspaper (a requirement for reporters covering the Capitol), but rather a weekly publication. It took six months, but she was finally granted clearance and became the bureau chief of the Associated Negro Press for the next 14 years.

/5/ White House Correspondent Years

In addition to being the first black female member of the Senate and House press galleries, she made history yet again in 1948, when she was named a White House correspondent, and again was the first black female to ever hold that title. In fact, she was only one of three African-Americans, one of two women in the press corps, and the first black woman elected to the Women’s National Press Club.

Of course, Alice Allison’s milestones didn’t come without a price. Segregation was still instituted throughout most of her time in Washington – during President Eisenhower’s eight years in office, he went from not calling on her at all to asking her for her questions beforehand (something no one else had to do). She was barred from entering some venues to cover him, and even had to sit with servants to cover Senator Taft’s funeral. When John F. Kennedy took his place in the Oval Office, he was the exact opposite and welcomed questions from Alice Allison, who was known as a hard-hitting reporter.

/6/ Working With the President

Speaking of JFK, he named her the education consultant on the President’s Committee on Equal Employment Opportunity in 1961. In 1967, she became an associate editor with the President’s Commission on Youth Opportunity, but left in 1968 when Nixon and his Republican team took over the White House.

/7/ Back to the Books

Following her career in Washington, she decided to tell her story in an autobiography, and penned a book titled A Black Woman’s Experience: From Schoolhouse to White House, which was published in 1974. A detail not covered in her book – she received more than 50 journalism awards for her groundbreaking work.

Black History Spotlight #3: Coretta Scott King

Our Black History Month spotlight series continues today with Coretta Scott King, a prominent activist for women and African-Americans, who just so happened to also be the wife of Martin Luther King, Jr. If you’ve always known her name, but not the story behind her impressive life, read on.

/1/ Angel of Music

When Coretta Scott was in high school, she played trumpet and piano, sang in the chorus and was a frequent player in the school musicals. Basically we would’ve been BFFs with her. After graduating as the valedictorian of her class, she went to Antioch College where she studied singing. She eventually transferred out of Antioch after winning a scholarship to the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston, where she focused on building a career in the music industry.

/2/ The Man Who Changed Her Life

While studying at NECM, a friend gave her number to Martin Luther King, Jr., who had asked his pal about any single women on campus. While Coretta originally had no interest, she eventually caved and went out on a date with him. They fell in love and on Valentine’s Day 1953, they announced their engagement in the Atlanta Daily World newspaper, because that’s what folks did in the ’50s. The tied the knot four months later on the lawn of her mother’s house, where Martin’s father officiated the ceremony. What’s interesting about their vows is that Coretta decided to remove the bit about “obeying” her husband, which was not a common thing to do at the time. She will bow down to no man.

After Coretta graduated with a degree in voice and piano, they moved to Montgomery, where Martin became pastor of a local church. Before long, he was chosen to become leader of the Montgomery bus boycott, and the movement began.

/3/ Combining Her Passions

Although her main focus became civil rights, she used her passion of music to help get their message out. She performed at concerts to with the notion to give audiences “an emotional connection to the messages of social, economic, and spiritual transformation.”

/4/Get In Formation

While she rallied behind her husband for civil rights for blacks, she wasn’t blind to the fact that the movement had become sexist, with women’s interests not being put forth in their (aka her husband’s) agenda. Martin even limited Coretta’s role out on the trail, expecting her to stay at home and take care of their four children.

“Not enough attention has been focused on the roles played by women in the struggle. By and large, men have formed the leadership in the civil rights struggle but…women have been the backbone of the whole civil rights movement.”

In January 1968, Coretta took part in a Women Strike for Peace protest in D.C., along with over 5,000 women, and she also co-chaired the Congress of Women conference.

/5/ Equality For All

Continuing to fight for equality for all, Coretta was an early supporter of the gay rights movement. In 1983, she spoke out in D.C. to urge for the amendment of the Civil Rights Act to include gays and lesbians as Protected class.

/6/ Heal the World

Coretta was an advocate for non-violent action to achieve social change, and therefore an advocate for world peace. In 1957, she was on of the co-founders of The Committee for a Sane Nuclear Policy and while Martin was speaking at a major anti-Vietnam War march in 1967, Coretta was doing similar work by speaking out at a rally in San Francisco. In her later years, she even came out in oppposition of the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

/7/ What is Legacy?

After Martin was assassinated, she established The King Center in 1968, dedicated to the advancement of the legacy and ideas of her husband.  Their son, Dexter Scott King, is currently the CEO and president of the center.

/8/ Nevertheless, She Persisted

“She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” (read Coretta’s whole letter here).

Questions, Comments & Concerns: Britney Ever After

It was bound to happen. It’s Britney on Lifetime, Bitch. If Saved By The Bell can have its own dramatized version of behind-the-scenes drama, obviously one of the biggest pop stars of our generation would get her own TV movie too. Over the weekend, Britney Ever After premiered, and it gave viewers a peek behind the stage lights and into her pop star lifestyle. From 1998 to 2015, it covers a lot of ground over her career, and no doubt did I have a lot of questions, comments and concerns about this film. Let’s dive right in to Lifetime’s Britney Ever After.

Concern: I’m already questioning the actress who’s playing Britney

I’d like to preface this post by saying I am a Britney fan. I have been since 1998, and her …Baby One More Time tour was the first ever concert I went to. I’ve seen her live multiple times and always pick her over Christina any day. This commentary is all coming from a place of love.

Now that that’s out of the way, the actress who plays Britney is Natasha Bassett, who is surprisingly Australian. Her Southern accent is not that great, but considering she’s not from the U.S., I’ll give her props for even sounding American. Don’t get me started on her mom Lynne (played by Nicole Oliver), who sounds more like a Georgia Belle instead of a backwoods Louisiana native. The acting from Natasha is already subpar. “I wanna be Britney Jean. I’m Britney Spears” Also her accent is… not good. And her mom’s accent is more George Belle as opposed to backwoods of Louisiana. Oh and Natasha’s acting is exactly what you’d expect from a Lifetime movie.

Comment: I’m excited Fe gets a prominent role in this

Any die hard Britney fan knows exactly who Fe aka Felicia Culotta is. She was a family friend long before she became Brit’s assistant back in the late 1990s, and was constantly by her side as she rose to fame. They had a falling out in 2007 (when Fe went to go work for the Jonas Brothers), and she is working for Brit again, so all is right with the world. In the movie, Fe’s storyline isn’t excessive or dramatic and pretty straightforward so she luckily didn’t get the shaft in the movie. As for other tertiary Brit posse, I’m kind of upset her backup dancer TJ didn’t get a role in Britney Ever After. I legit went to her Baby One More Time tour because I thought he was cute.

Question: Fake Justin actually sounds like Justin?

We’re introduced to Justin Timberlake when he meets up with Britney the first night she opens up for *NSync. As she’s standing on the stage looking out into the empty arena, he approaches in the shadows, so all we see is the outline of his ramen hair. But when fake Justin starts talking we KNOW it’s Justin because he actually does sound like real Justin and it’s a little freaky. The look however…

Concern: Britney’s dad seems too angry

Obviously we don’t know how he was IRL, but Jamie Spears is coming off like a real angry and frustrated asshole. I choose not to believe this characterization.

20 minutes later: He’s a “drunk” who gets angry and leaves whenever something mildly goes wrong… so this is obviously an asshole move, but is this really what he did?

Comment: The Most Disturbing Version of *NSync

*NSync featuring Fe AND TJ in the back!

The rest of *NSync doesn’t have a prominent role in Britney Ever After, but thankfully they do show up in a pivotal moment when they surprise her with an a cappella serenade and birthday cake. It is… a thing that happened.

“You’re one year older, girl” JT to Brit

Question: Did Britney and Justin really have their first kiss drunk and in front of a tour bus?

Slash have sex on her tour bus?! And he told her he loves her? All in the span of like 10 minutes?!

Question: Are we going to hear at least one real Britney song?

All the songs played in the film are fake pop songs that might as well be demos that Britney passed on when she was still trying to find a hit pre-Baby One More Time. The only songs we see her performing are covers of covers she recorded – EG:  Satisfaction and I Love Rock and Roll, which means it was such a blatant problem with getting the rights to her songs.

Instead of hits like Toxic and Womanizer being played in the background, we got to hear pop songs that included lyrics like, “I wanna feel you down with me/You know I’d do you right/You know we got all night/I wanna feel you down with me. RAP BREAK.” Did I mention this was during her wedding reception with Kevin Federline?

Question: Did Brit & Justin really get their nicknames from a ring?

JT gives her a ring after her performance at the 2000 VMAs and it only fits on her pinky finger. So he calls her Pinky. And she says, “Then I’ll just have to call you Stinky”. Is this really the origin story of these nicknames?! Brand new information. Also, very dumb.

Comment: This love montage looks like Brit & Justin’s Hello Magazine spread

Comment: OH SHIT WADE ROBSON

We’re introduced to choreographer Wade Robson as he grinds up on Brit during dance rehearsals and introduces her to Banana the snake for the famous Slave 4 U VMA performance. But also, if you don’t know, Wade is reportedly the guy Brit cheated on Justin with and the subject of JT’s Cry Me A River. Also a v good friend to both Brit and JT. Wade co-wrote Britney’s track What It’s Like To Be Me off her Britney album, and it was the only song she ever collaborated with Justin on (bonus clip: watch Justin mention Wade while talking about said track, after surprising her on a MTV special – around 3:45).

Later, Brit and Justin have a fight in a club (she told him he was slipping on the charts) and when she returns to her room crying, who’s there to cheer her up? Fucking WADE. And Justin finds out they (allegedly) slept together after finding from a doodle Wade made??? I hope that’s not how he found out.

Comment: Dancers Abound

There’s a montage of Brit auditioning dancers and it makes me think about how my hip hop teacher was a backup dancer in her Crazy video. True story.

Comment: Kudos for the exercise scene

Brit used to do like 500 sit ups every day, which is why the montage of her crazily exercising in her room probably isn’t TOO far from the truth.

Question: Are they having a post-breakup dance off?

Yes. The answer is yes.

Comment: The Justin Breakup Really Did a Number on Brit

After her VMAs 2003 performance with Madonna and Christina makeout sesh, she gets off the stage and asks her mama, Fe and Larry Rudolph (her longtime manager) if they think Justin liked it. Except he had already moved on to Cameron Diaz. Britney’s mom already mentioned she had been acting up after their split, but we’re still 4 years away from the ’07 head shaving incident.

Question: Do we all forget Britney was married for 48 hours?

Just me? There’s so much other shit that went down that I always forget she was married to Jason Alexander. And she was a hot mess in this scene.

Comment: Kevin Federline Seems Like a Skeeze

Britney’s second husband is introduced to us in a scene where she and KFed are making out in a stairwell before her show. There is WAY too much tongue being used and I had to legitimately look away. Was this supposed to show us that their relationship was purely sexual? That they had a hot marriage which resulted in two (of a total of six) kids?

Other things I learned about their marriage: KFed’s is nickname was supposedly “Meat Pole”, there were allegations he cheated on her which planted the seeds of the imminent split, and she supposedly texted him to let him know she was done with him, with the phrase, “I wnt 2 divorce u.”

Concern: Just general concern for Britney 2007

I’m still not over this. She needed help and the only media made her even crazier. It makes me frustrated and sad, but in the end very proud that she was able to distance herself from the people who tried to take advantage of her and gain back control of her life.

Comment: The Sam Lutfi Dude Is Still Creepy

Brit flanked by Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib (front), who was not portrayed in Britney Ever After.

Sam somehow got close enough to Brit that he was hired as her “manager”, but he was no bueno. At the time, he already had two outstanding restraining orders against him, so already off to a great start. In the movie, he’s correctly portrayed as someone who is just in Brit’s life for the fame and money, clearly not getting her the help she needed during the dark days. What an asshole. Britney’s parents ultimately got a restraining order against Sam, and in the film, the order is literally thrown at his face. It’s great.

Question: I still don’t get why this is called Britney Ever After?

It goes all the way up to the opening of her Vegas show… which is still happening… and I’m starting to think this was just one giant commercial for her residency and they just acted like she had no part in it. LARRY RUDOLPH IF THIS IS TRUE, I APPLAUD YOU.

*cue the I Am Britney Jean documentary right after this film ends. Seriously.*

Notable Lines:

Phrases used to show it’s not present day:  “Look a Furby!””Straight buggin… The bomb diggity.”  We get it. It’s 1998.

“Cool friggin beans – BUNKBEDS!?” Definitely something Brit would’ve said

Jamie Spears calls Brit and Justin’s alleged sex tapes “boudoir videos” after they were stolen from her home.

*Justin surprises Britney after being out on the road, and shows up at her door with finger guns*

Brit: “Is this a stick up?” Justin: “I’m about to rob you… of your heart!”

“Who’s that fool?… A clown is what she’s got.” Her bodyguard when he first sees Brit making out with Kevin Federline

Very Specific Dating Apps For Single People on Valentine’s Day

Congratulations, people in love. Today’s a day for you to celebrate the romance you’ve cultivated over the past ::insert amount of time here:: and show how much you care with a greeting card and a 3-course dinner special at your local favorite restaurant.

For everyone else, congratulations, you’re single. If you feel the need to spend today not entirely by yourself, here are some super niche dating apps that can narrow down the field for you and possibly fill that void of #foreveralone-ness. At least for now. But who knows how this could turn out? Maybe you’ll be telling your kids the story of How I Met Your Mother on Spoonr.

Wingman

Are you a frequent flier? On the road for business a lot and don’t get a chance to go on real dates? Wingman is the app for people on the go looking to scores some points in the mile high club. In addition to the usual info, you also add your flight number and airline to your profile, and it shows you a list of people on your flight that you could be paired up with. Seat-to-seat chatting is gonna get a whole lot sexier.

Bumble

Bumble is a giant Sadie Hawkins Dance version of Tinder. Once you’re matched with someone, the lady has to message the guy first, but if they don’t within 24 hours, the connection disappears. And for all my LGBTQ homies out there, either one can make the first move.

Happn

Happenstance (noun) : a circumstance especially that is due to chance. We always are stunned to find out what small a world we really live in, and with Happn, it sets out to prove that to be true. using GPS functionality in your phone, the app shows profiles of other singles in your area and pinpoints the last place and time you were close to each other. All prospective matches are people you’ve crossed paths within 250 meters, and it’s definitely NOT creepy at all, right?

Spoonr

Aside: why are all these dating apps missing one vowel? Is there a real reason? Please respond in comments. Anyways, Spoonr is not for folks who enjoy the round utensil, it’s for people who just need a cuddle. Unclear whether there’s an option to set a preference for big or little spoon.

Tindog

Have a fear you’re going to become an old dog lady/man with no human significant other? Well Tindog not only sets you up with other dog lovers, it sets up your dogs too. Puppy love, AMIRITE?

Seeking Arrangement

SeekingArrangement is a very generous phrase to describe what this dating app is – a way for sugar daddies to find young women to shower with material items, companionship, and of course, sex. If Hugh Hefner doesn’t already have stock in this, he really should.

 

SaladMatch

This app was created by New York-based salad eatery Just Salad, as a way to connect customers with other salad lovers. Like Tinder, it allows you to swipe left or right on users based on their salad prefs, Just Salad location and what time of day they usually go to Just Salad. So if you get matched with someone, do you get like free salads for life, or something? Because I could be into that.

Sizzl

Like SaladMatch, Sizzl is powered by Oscar Mayer, but a little less serious than Just Salad. The app matches singles based on their bacon preferences – crispy or tender? Pork or turkey? etc. etc. Again, I feel like if you get properly matched there should at least be a voucher for free bacon at your local grocery store.

Luxy

Luxy is for rich snobs. No, really. One time their tag line was “Tinder, minus the poor people.” And in the ad above, the slogan “Over 40,000 people have been kicked out” is not a misprint. Luxy is a dating app for the 1% – millionaires, CEOs, celebs, etc. Apparently, users even select their fave high-end brands like Cartier and Prada, so potential suitors know what to get them as a casual gift.

Raya

Speaking of the 1%, Raya is a similar dating app, but used by a lot of celebs. It’s super exclusive and very secretive, and referred to as the “Illuminati Tinder”. There’s an intense vetting process, and after users submit their application, an anonymous committee assesses their social media presence and decides whether you’re cool enough to join the app. Stars like Sharon Stone, Diplo, Joe Jonas, Rayven Symone and even Matthew Perry are all rumored to be looking for love on Raya. The fact that it’s so elusive is why it’s so fascinating – but all I really want to know is what do these celebs put in their profiles??