Welcome back to Doing Lines, a series in which we look into the most interesting and entertaining plot lines of our favorite TV shows (Did you miss the Gossip Girl one?). I’ve decided to do a little twist with this post, and only focus on Grey’s medical cases (plot lines/relationships and hookups to come in the future). Over the past nine seasons, my favorite medical drama has had it’s fair share of ridiculous cases come in through the doors of Seattle Grace/Mercy West. Here are some of the most memorable ones our fave doctors have had to treat.
Season 1, Episode 4
A construction worker accidentally falls down a set of stairs while holding a nail gun, and guess where all the nails land? IN HIS HEAD. Don’t worry, he survived the surgery after Dr. Shepherd (McDreamy) successfully took all of them out – except while he was in there, he found a brain tumor. wah wah.
Season 2, Episode 2
Dr. Bailey (the best doc in SGMW, besides Cristina Yang), treats a man who has a bowel obstruction, which they think is blocked by drugs. Except the x-rays reveal that those aren’t dimebags- they’re the heads of 10 Judy Dolls, which are like Barbie dolls. The great part was when she took out each Judy doll head, and reminisced about each one, like, ‘this was mod Judy, she came with a yellow vespa.’
Season 2, Episode 13
Another patient comes in with bowel movement problems – in that he’s having none – and it turns out he ate all the pages to his manuscript. The aspiring writer says, “I wanted to, literally, put it behind me,” which would frankly make me want to treat him less after a horrible joke. After the surgery, the guy still acts like a wackadoo, and it turns out the pages of his manuscript actually gave him mercury poisoning.
Season 2, Episode 18
A woman comes in after a car accident, but they soon find out she has a much bigger problem. She’s been having “episodes” 7 to 8 times times a day, and by “episodes” she means “spontaneous orgasms.” Some of the docs are envious, but she explains that she gets ridiculed a lot and can never go out in public. Being the geniuses they are, they fix her so she can only have “episodes” when she wants to.
Season 2, Episode 6
Any fan of the show can attest that this is one of the best episodes in Grey’s history. A train crash brings two strangers together (literally) as a metal pole impales the two of them. Young Bonnie (played by Dawson’s Creek alum Monica Keena) and older gentleman Tom obviously bond during their time together, but the risky surgery to remove the pole has to sacrifice one’s life while the other lives. In an emotional ending, against Tom’s insistance, Bonnie agrees to give up her life so he can live. Heartbreaking shit, yo.
Season 2, Episodes 16 & 17
The first part of this two parter aired right after the Super Bowl in 2006, and were the most watched eps in Grey’s history. Luckily, these two were arguably the best in the show’s history as well. A man is brought into the hospital because he was injured attempting to make a homemade bazooka. He was bleeding in his chest, so one of the paramedics, played by Christina Ricci, applied pressure to the wound to make the bleeding stop – except one of the Docs realizes that the man has a piece of unexploded ammunition inside of him, and the only thing stopping it from blowing up is Wednesday Addams’ hand.
The hospital immediately calls a Code Black, which shuts down pretty much the entire hospital, and brings in the bomb squad, led by COACH TAYLOR (sorry, Kyle Chandler). Wednesday starts to freak out because everyone is leaving, and she doesn’t want to die. In a state of a nervous breakdown, she removes her hand and runs out the door, but the bomb doesn’t go off- because Meredith instinctively puts her hand in the chest to save the entire place from blowing up.
After everyone goes off on her for being an idiot and comes to grips with the fact she might actually die, she carefully removes the ammunition, hands it to Coach Taylor, and as he walks down the hall, it goes off. He dies, but all the doctors, and the idiot patient who had the bazooka remnants in his chest in the first place, all lived. There is WAY more to this episode, so you should probs just watch it on Netflix instant.
Season 3, Episode 5
A man comes into SGMW lying on his back and his ex-wife straddled on top of him. Yup, you guessed it – they were having sex and his piercing hooked onto her dislodged IUD and they get stuck together. Ok, maybe you didn’t guess that exactly, because it’s freaking weird. The doctors managed to separate the couple, but he ends up having a heart attack right after they’re taken apart.
Season 3, Episode 14
A cancer patient is oddly the common denominator to staff members getting mysteriously ill, when George figures out that it’s her blood that is toxic, and making everyone pass out. A combo of her chemotherapy drugs and herbal medicine created a deadly neurotoxin, which obviously creates a problem for those treating her. Literally an entire OR staff falls down during her surgery. So the Docs have to take turns holding their breath to run into the OR and seal her cavity up before everyone dies.
Season 3, Episode 21
One of the hospital’s board members comes in after a recent trip to the Amazon with swollen genitals. Turns out that a parasite got all up in there after he spent some time in the Amazonian waters. It eventually comes out in surgery and it is disgusting. But Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber have one of my fave convos ever in this ep:
Webber: There was a fish in a man’s penis.
Bailey: There’s always gonna be a fish in a man’s penis, chief.
Season 4, Episode 16
A stoopid teen gets stuck in cement after his idiot friends dare him to lie in wet cement just to impress a girl. The douchebags don’t call 911 until an hour after he’s in there, leaving him surrounded by a legit- a ton of cement. Not only is the cement weighing heavy on the kid’s body, but it’s also sucking out all the water from his body and toxins are building all up in there. Torres has to cut into his leg just to alleviate the pressure. Gross. Eventually they get him out – and the girl he was trying to impress actually revealed she liked him too. Their relationship was off to a sane and normal start.
There are way more freakish cases in Grey’s, but this list could legit go on forever. Oh Grey’s, never change.