Well, it’s official folks. Jimmy Fallon is taking over The Tonight Show in 2014, and Jay Leno is walking away with a reported $15 million and hopefully never showing his face on NBC again. If you caught that little nugget at the end of the last sentence, I’m clearly harboring some residual negativity from the great Conan/Jay/NBC debacle of 2010. I’m trying really hard to be happy for my beloved Jimmy, but as a Fal Pal, my love for him is turning more into a protective, nurturing behavior, instead of the all-out gleeful and enthusiastic attitude a fan should have.
Let’s back up a bit. In 1998, I fell in love with a dorky looking comedian on Saturday Night Live. Jimmy’s characters and sketches were always hilarious to me (Nick Burns, Jarett’s Room, Pat Sullivan etc.) and I was obsessed. I bought his Bathroom Wall comedy album and listened to it constantly. Like, what 16-year-old girl listens to a comedy CD in her spare time? This girl. He made the presteigous line of photos I had of celebs I loved in my bedroom. To this very day, this picture hangs next to the cast of Friends and Mandy Moore. The last time I was home, I even found a card my friend gave to me for my birthday with my fave crushes at the time.
yes, that’s aaron carter. hush.
After SNL, Jimbo went on to his movie career, and while I loved Fever Pitch, let’s be honest – his movies weren’t the best. He kinda disappeared for a while, got married, and in 2009, I was elated to find out he was getting his own talk show. I’ve loved every single episode, every Jacob’s Patience, every hilarious animal moment with Jeff Musial, every game of Cell Phone Shoot Out, and every Slow Jam the News. I’m not being biased here probably being very biased, but Jimmy has the best, most inventive, creative show on late night TV. Thanks to his SNL background, his show runs more like a variety show with friends that stop by to chat. It’s a fun atmosphere that makes you wish you were in the audience every single night. I once read a quote from him that said something like, “I want to make a show that will make you happy right before you go to sleep.” And that’s exactly what he’s done. You can’t not watch the show and feel anything but joy.
So here’s the problem. As much as I adore him and most definitely cried when he made the official announcement on his show, I can’t help but be worried of what the future holds. I was/am a Conan fan. I’ve watched him since high school, and was naturally excited for him to take over the Tonight Show and move to LA (mainly for selfish reasons, so that I could finally cross off ‘See Conan live’ off my bucket list, which I actually did!). But then it all came crashing down. We all remember it. I, like many other fans, just couldn’t understand the logic behind NBC dropping Conan in just seven months, all because Jay Leno bitched about his 10pm primetime show which was flatlining. Hey buddy, you’re the one who ultimately decided it was time to step down and hand over the keys to the kingdom to Coco. No takesies backsies.
Furthermore, I just don’t find Jay funny. I don’t think a lot of people my age do, because we can’t relate to him. And that reflects on his ratings too – he’s number one in the older demo, which let’s face it, are really the only ones with the Neilsen boxes and watch it live. But since his ratings were high, the only reason Jay would logically walk away from his show is because he wanted to. In fact, NBC was drawing bigger ratings with Conan in early 2010 than they are now with Leno (If you want more info on this, check out this article because I learned a lot from it). Or NBC is completely insane. Which is also accurate. Long gone are the golden days of Must See TV, so at the time, CEO Jeff Zucker did anything he could to try to keep the company afloat. And that included taking a risk with Jay, Conan, and ultimately Jimmy Fallon.
And now here we are three years later. Conan luckily found a home on TBS, Jay is still not funny and is retiring for a second time, and Jimmy gets a new show next year that starts an hour earlier. As proud as I am of the guy who used to sing a song about Troll dolls, I’m afraid this might turn into a bad case of history repeating itself. If NBC execs let Conan go after 16 successful years on their network, who’s to say they won’t do the same to Jimmy who’s been a talk show host for four years? I’m hoping that they’ve learned their lesson since then. With a new CEO at NBC, and Jay hopefully staying in his garage with his cars this time around, there’s a chance this might be Jimmy’s big chance to shine. He deserves it. He’s clearly a good guy, with good intentions, and just wants to make good television. So basically, NBC, please pleaseplease do not fuck this up. Learn from your mistakes, and let Jimmy Fallon be the great entertainer he was always meant to be. At least there’s one thing we know for sure when he makes the big transition: we can go to sleep happy – and one hour earlier.
Time for a confession: although I was of prime age during the boy band golden era of 1997 – 2002, I was terribly disinterested in them. It was all too manufactured! Find 4-5 young men between the ages of 15 and 27. Make sure they can all sing. Choreograph dances that make heavy use of folding chairs. Try to ensure that key “types” are present: the cute one, the older one, the funny one, the weird-looking one with stupid hair, the sporty one, the ginger one, the posh one. Some of those might just have been Spice Girls or Disney dwarfs. All that’s left is finding songs for them to sing…. but that’s where things really fell apart. In a rush to move up the TRL charts as quickly as possible, some songs got released with lyrics that were sort of awful. Terrifying. Disturbing as heck. Now that we’re all adults here, I think it’s time to admit that these were very, very bad.
We Got It Goin On by the Backstreet Boys
“Well I’m creepin’ up on your left
Straight up funky when I get with you
Keep it ruthless when I get wet”
Did anyone else know about this? Because I sure didn’t until right now. I think they hid this creepery in the middle of the song and figured nobody would notice. You know what actually sounds like the worst thing in the world ever? A wet gentleman creeping up on my left and then being ruthless at me.
As Long As You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys
“Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be
I don’t care who you are (who you are)
Where you’re from (where you’re from)
What you did
As long as you love me”
This song takes codependence to new and terrifying lows. It sounds a lot like BSB is definitely singing about someone with a criminal record here. “Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run?” “Don’t care what you’ve done?” Maybe I’m just hard-hearted, but I care A LOT whether or not you’ve committed murder, stolen from a church, or have to put one of those signs on your door telling trick-or-treaters that you’re a registered sex offender. As if that weren’t enough, BSB doesn’t care “as long as you love me.” That’s what low self-esteem will do to you, kids. You’ll go out with someone who isn’t allowed within a half mile of an elementary school, as long as they say they love you.
God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You by NSync
“The heart of a child
That’s deep inside
Leaves me purified”
Dude, no. You have to date GROWNUPS, though.
Most of NSync’s 1997 Self-Titled Debut
Individually, none of the songs are too bad. But taken as a whole:
Drive Myself Crazy
Crazy For You (“wherever I go/ Whatever I do/ I’m crazy for you”)
I Just Wanna Be With You, which includes the words “you’re driving me crazy,” “my love is insane/ pleasure and pain,” and then an unsettling repeat of “I just wanna be with you” and “you and me gotta stay together”
I Want You Back (“I’m going crazy without you”)
We’re looking at a whole lot of crazy. Right? These are… not healthy relationships. If there are a lot of 20-something ladies who think that the ultimate in romance is somebody declaring that they love you so much that they are mentally unstable, I blame this album.
Can I Touch You There by 98 Degrees
Literally this whole song. I feel like if I type out the lyrics my very hands will catch an STD, but just trust me. Still, props for getting permission instead of just creeping on my left, I guess (looking at you, Backstreet Boys).
WHO’S EXCITED ABOUT MAD MEN RETURNING THIS SUNDAY?!!?!
Sorry, I’ll stop yelling at you. I’m just really hyped about it. Mad Men is one of my all time favorite shows, and since it’s only 13 episodes long, fans like me spend more time waiting for it to come back than actually watching it. Besides the A+ acting and the unexpected story lines, the style plays an important part of the show. Since it’s set in New York City in the 1960s, it’s important to take the viewers back to that era with visual cues, since the written words can’t always express the time frame. Creator Matt Weiner does an amazing job of making sure every little detail is accurate to that particular time in the 1960s, and costume designer Janie Bryant is just as fastidious. Her style decisions have even inspired a Mad Men fashion line at Banana Republic, so she must be doing something right.
Here are some of my favorite costumes from seasons past. I can’t wait to see what 1968 brings! And spoiler alert: There are no pix of Jon Hamm’s “Don Draper” (ifyanowwhatimean).
Alright, folks. For my job, I have to watch the major reality TV shows. Your American Idols, your Bachelors, your The X Factors. On this past season of The X Factor, I didn’t really connect with any one act like I usually do. However, I’ve found that long after the finale in December, one group has stood out – and they didn’t even win.
Meet Fifth Harmony. A group of five girls ranging from 16 to 19 years old with excellent voices. They each tried out individually, didn’t make it, but they were brought back into the competition as a group (much like One Direction when they were on The X Factor UK). Their first song performed together was a complete game changer, and shocker, really. Because here were these girls who were just thrown together and in a matter of days, were supposed to learn a song, harmonies, and act like they’ve been together forever. Here’s their first performance, Impossible, which was during the judges’ house round. You’ll see an indiscernable Simon Cowell (their mentor), and guest judge Marc Anthony (starts around 2:17)
They made it to the next round – over groups who had been together forever. And to be honest, this was their best performance of the competition, until the top 4, where they pulled out all the stops. Judge L.A. Reid criticized them throughout the show that they always sang in unison (which was pretty accurate), but when they took on Ellie Goulding’s Anything Could Happen, it changed their fate and they landed in the finale after this performance (Starts at 2:20)
Since they landed in 3rd place, they ultimately lost the $5 million recording contract, but like a lot of rejected folks these days, they got one anyways. Incidentally, L.A. Reid signed them to his Epic Records label, and they’re currently working on their first album. And for some reason, I feel like their fan base has only grown since they ‘lost,’ and it could partly be because they have a huge internet following. Since they’re teenage girls, social media is their backbone, and as we all know, behind the scenes pix, selfies, videos, a simple mention or retweet makes fangirls/boys go wild.
Their tactic now is to record cover songs and post them online, which means they have thousands of fans literally all over the world playing their videos over and over again. I think it’s brilliant, because it’s exactly when they did on the show, except sans the flashy lights and costumes. Just their voices and a piano. Here are some of the best covers they’ve posted (I have no shame in telling you I can’t stop listening to them). And I’m stating for the record – they’re going to be big. Maybe even bigger than the winner himself. Tate Stevens, who?
Thinkin’ Bout You – Frank Ocean
Lego House – Ed Sheeran
They Don’t Know About Us – One Direction
Stay – Rihanna
BONUS: This gif of Camila (also my fave singer) is the best thing. Made me think I should be best friends with a 16 year old. One time she tweeted, “I like food and the internet.” I MEAN.
In response to “Harry Styles (From One Direction) tweeted you guys again…”
Last week, you probably saw your Facebook, Twitter, and essentially the internet pop up with an overwhemling sea of red. At least mine did. If you’re not aware, as a sign of support for the Supreme Court’s two big hearings about same-sex marriage laws which began on Monday, people changed their profile pictures, cover photos, etc. to this:
For the record, I am a huge supporter of gay marriage (or, marriage) and gay rights ( or, human rights). But I didn’t feel the need to change my profile picture to this because A) Everyone was doing it, and I didn’t want to conform, B) How long is this supposed to last? C) I don’t feel like I need to change my profile picture to a red equal sign just to prove to most of the people I’m friends with that I’m for gay marriage D) I hate that we live in a world where we have to do this kind of thing in the first place.
Ok, off my soapbox. That being said, it got a little annoying that I couldn’t deliniate people’s FB pic from everyone else, but lo and behold, a few quality red equality signs had redesigns, and they’re awesome. Here are a few of my favorites. (most of these are from Buzzfeed!)
Rothko!
Sleeping Tilda Swinton
Dumbledore puppet
bacon
bert and ernie
grumpy cat
paula deen
les mis! slash i can’t stop singing this song with all the red i’m seeing
I’m not a big sports person. At most, I have an infinite love for the Boston Celtics, but that’s pretty much it. So when March Madness comes around, everyone is doing their brackets and talking about how well or poorly it’s going but I honestly could care less. My boss tried to talk to me about how excited he was but I could barely even pretend to be happy for him. Days later he returned to me saying he ripped it all up because it went to shit (Harvard. Hey, I know some things).
So for my own personal pleasure, here’s my bracket for March Madness, that I really wish had some money on it, because I would definitely win against myself.
The 27th, yes you read that right, 27th season of The Real World premiered last week, and MTV decided to re-air three “retro” seasons to gear up for the kids moving into a house in Portland, Oregon. While I was watching the old episodes of New York, Las Vegas, and San Francisco, it reminded me how reality TV used to be exactly that – reality. The first few seasons of RW featured honest, natural people who just agreed to live in a house with strangers. The show is credited to being one of the ‘founding fathers’ of the genre, and there’s no question once you see these ‘retro’ episodes.
However the problem is that 21 years later, reality TV, and RW in particular, has just become a parody of itself. The kids on the series these days are simply filling in the stereotypes they’ve seen on TV, and it takes away the exact element that made the series so special in the first place.
Now I can go on about this, but we’ll save that for another day. The point is that The first decade of RW seasons were the best, primarily because they were the ones that cleared the path, showed no air of insincerity, and just shared their lives on tape. I started watching RW in 1995, during season 4 in London (and if you’re doing the math, yes I was only nine years old. This says a lot about me as an adult). I watched religiously, up until about season 18 in Denver. So here’s my list of the 10 best Real World seasons – from season 1 to 18. I’m assuming all the ones after that weren’t worth watching anyways.
10) London
To some, the London cast was the most “boring,” which I can understand. However, like I said, this was the very first season I watched, so mainly for sentimental value, this ranks at number 10. As a 9 year old, I had no idea what to expect, who these people were, and why they weren’t acting with a laugh track behind them like all the other shows I was used to. I mean these were American kids living in an apartment in London with some British folk, one of whom got his tongue bit by a fan at one of his rock shows, an Aussie, and a German man named Lars. ‘What kind of world is this??’, asked 9-year-old Traci. ‘The real world,’ answered future Traci.
9) Los Angeles
I feel like Los Angeles was lost in the mix since it was right after the inaugural New York season, and right before the iconic San Francisco season. While I still have no idea who that blonde kid is, and I can’t believe Beth is the same Beth from the 10 million Challenges she’s done, the thing I won’t forget is “bad ass” David dragging a half naked Tami through their hallways and it being a big deal. Also, Tami getting an abortion was also a big deal, but I didn’t really understand what that was about as a tot.
8) New York
When I was re-watching this a couple weekends ago, I just couldn’t get over how old everything looked. The clothes, the background music, just the way it was shot – everything looked so 1993. I mean in this picture alone, Eric has a huge cell phone in his hand and Julie thinks she’s super hot wearing all denim (which is actually back in style now). And why do they have that big ass dog? Anyways, New York paved the way for the subsequent 26 seasons and reality TV in general. The fact that a gay man, a black politician, and a small town southern girl all lived in a house for one month with no idea what they were getting in to was the biggest risk MTV could ever take – with the greatest reward.
7) Las Vegas
Ok so Las Vegas. This was the season I clearly remember thinking: ‘Oh my GOD this is a SHIT SHOW.’ By this point, the previous seasons had already seen debaucherous moments (see: Miami threesome in the shower), but this was just a whole new level. Seven 20-somethings thrown into SIN CITY? The producers knew what they were doing. I mean Trishelle? In a hot tub? Are you kidding me?
6) Miami
Did you watch that clip of Flora, Sarah and Dan creepin on the Mike/Melissa/random chick threesome? Because that is one of the highlights from this season. The other one – and maybe one of the best moments in all of RW history, is when Melissa opens an envelope that belongs to Dan, and all hell breaks loose. When he confronts her, it’s a line I will never forget, when he says, “Was it fucking yours to open up, you stupid bitch??!” And Melissa, a strong Latina, does not take lightly to the ‘bitch’ name calling, and she starts to go off and calls him a ‘fucking flamer.’ Now obviously this entire fight is ridiculous, but the way they go off on each other is a fight made in Real World heaven.
5) Boston
Hey, remember when Sean was like, totally the cutest log roller ever? But then you grew up and found out he’s an uber-conservative Republican, married to Rachel Campos from San Francisco, have six kids together and the dream of ever marrying him was shattered? No just me? Ok, well besides Sean, every single one of these cast members was memorable. I believe this was the first season a lesbian (Genesis) was a featured cast member, and one of the most touching scenes in the season was when she and Kameelah were talking to two young girls at the school they worked at about homophobia. I would love if MTV decided to play this season again, especially since as I was watching it in 1997, I had no idea I would go to college in that very city and attend a capella concerts at their fire house (true story). Also, the stereotypes of weird names on reality TV must have reached its peak with this season – Genesis, Montana, Elka, Syrus, and Kameelah?
4) Seattle
Speaking of Boston, does “KIIIRRAA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT KILLS ME!!!” ring a bell? David, beloved Charlestown resident, caused a scandal when it was discovered that he had been dating Kira, a casting associate for Bunim-Murray. Their relationship led to her eventual firing, but viewers got to see, well hear, David profess his love for her in a car. And then there was Irene who had Lyme disease, and her problem with Stephen. Just before she left the house (early), she called Stephen a ‘homosexual,‘ and since he was extremely offended by the remark, he proceeded to throw the beloved stuffed animal (which he stole from her) into the Seattle waters, then chase after her in her car to slap her in the face. The good news is that years later, he came out and announced he was engaged to his partner. So I mean, at least he has that going for him.
3) Hawaii
As soon as Ruthie and Teck got to the house, they took off all their clothes and skinny-dipped in their beautiful Hawaiian home. That’s when I knew it was going to be a good season. Besides the ‘are they or aren’t they’ with Amaya and Colin, Ruthie really stole the entire season with her constant drinking and alcohol problem that she failed to admit was ruining her life. Also on the first night, she drank so much that she became unconscious and her roommates had to call an ambulance. Geesh. She was constantly making a fool of herself, and the roommates did the best they could to convince her she needed help. Luckily, she has since become sober for real, and gives lectures about alcohol addiction. And apparently she hangs out with my boy Paul Pierce from the Celtics. WHAT. Also, I love this season because everything about it was so 1999, a year of my childhood/adolescence that I will never forget.
2) San Francisco
If there was one season to accurately sum up the Real World and what it symbolized in American pop culture, it would be this one. A mix of truly different people from all walks of life, the dynamic in the house was something that has never been recreated since. It goes without saying that the heart of this season was Pedro Zamora. Like many people who watched the series, he was the first real person I had seen in the mainstream media who was currently living with HIV/AIDS. Not only that, but it was the first time I had seen two men commit to each other in a ceremony that resembled a wedding. His story, his passion for AIDS education, his willingness to show his illness on TV, and the love that was shown by (most of) his roommates was unparalleled to anything that had ever been shown on TV before. And when he passed away, we felt like one of our friends had died. It’s amazing to see the impact and legacy one man has made over the years, just by being brave enough to share his life on camera. Pedro’s story is one of the most positive, influential things to ever come out of reality TV, and it’s sad that we don’t get to see that kind of pure human drama anymore. I mean Puck alone is the craziest wackadoo to date. Mix in Rachel’s conservative Republican views with Judd’s liberal stance, politics served as constant talking point that is severely lacking in reality TV today. This season was exactly what the Real World should have been about in the following seasons, not just about stupid arguments, getting drunk, and having sex in hot tubs.
1) New Orleans
New Orleans – by far the best season (if you say San Francisco, that’s acceptable too) with a memorable cast in one of the greatest cities in the U.S. You have Matt, a white Christian guy who’s really into hip hop (hence his grey puffy jacket vest?), Julie, the innocent, Mormon girl from Utah who’s into Matt and has never really known a world outside of Brigham Young University, David, a muscular guy with a penchant for singing and a hot temper, Kelley, a sorority girl who later became the wife of Scott Wolf, Danny, the hot southern guy who is gay and has a partner in the military, but can’t be shown on TV because of their Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy (spoiler: HE’S REALLY HOT), Jamie a typical, good looking white male who had the ‘hot’ haircut all the boys had in 2000, and finally Melissa, my favorite RW cast member of all time. She was half black, half Filipino (what what), and 100% sassy. Before Melissa, I don’t think I had ever seen anyone who was quite like me on TV, and it was more exciting than you could ever imagine. She was/is literally everything I want to be in this world. And this recent article just proves she’s as awesome as ever, just married to a rock star and has two kids. (Excerpt: “Justin is my soul mate so much so that my little girl is named Maja for “Melissa and Justin Always.” But sometimes Justin does stupid shit and I’m like, “Dude, we’ll legally change her name to Majat: Melissa and Justin Ain’t Together.”)
Here are some of my favorite moments from RW: New Orleans, that made it the best season ever. Woo woo.
Melissa talks about the insane bed switcheroo and her “sex” life in the confessional
Melissa’s Parents – Shorty & Mercy
Driving with On Star (Remember On Star!?)
David vs. Melissa (and a chair)
Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the original video, but by far the most memorable New Orleans moment was when David composed a song called “Come On Be My Baby Tonight”. Pure lyrical genius, this song will stay with you – even 13 years later.
Cookies + Sangria 