When I fly, I feel like everything has to be planned out. The hours I spend in a confined plane without Internet have to be thought out, not just hasty decisions made on the spot. I feel like even typing this out makes me sound a little crazy, but I feel like its the only way I can deal with flying. What do I mean exactly? Here are some examples of big decisions you have to make on a plane to make your travel experience streamlined and pleasant.
Why is it that I only drink tomato juice when I’m on a plane? Better question, does anyone drink tomato juice NOT on a plane? This is usually my bev of choice, sometimes I’ll opt for an apple juice or water, but the big kicker is – do I want coffee? Aren’t planes supposed to be the best way to catch up on sleep? Like what else are you gonna do besides read/watch a movie for 6 hours? But coffee? You smell it wafting through the stale airplane air and somehow it smells even better than usual.
One has to be extremely careful of what they pick to eat on a plane. Dnt be the douche that brings McDonald’s number one special on the plane. Because the smell of fries will overtake the smell of coffee any day. Don’t eat any type of tuna fish or banana… Stick with like granola bars or candy or something. But of course that’s never what I want to eat on a plane. I usually want to eat those fries.
This is the biggest problem for me. It’s why I always choose aisle seats. I hate having a window seat and then needing to go to the bathroom and having to ask my row mates if they can’t pause everything they’re doing and move for me. And you have to pick a good time to get up too – because if that turbulence hits while you’re in that phone booth sized bathroom, it’s not a pretty sight. Oh and also you could open the door that otherwise indicates the bathroom is vacant, only to have an awkward run in with you male flight attendant. Because that happens.
Talking to your neighbors
On my most recent flight, I was sitting next to a lovely couple probably around my age or in their early thirties. They set up their iPad and had splitter headphones in order to watch homeland together. HOMELAND!! All I wanted to do is ask them: DO YOU THINK BRODY IS A TERRORIST OR NOT?!? DO YOU SHIP BRODY AND CARRIE AS MUCH AS I DO??? (Not yelling of course. Sorry I got excited) There was a perfect time for me to ask the girl about my Homeland questions but then I realized it would’ve been weird for me to be all up in their space and essentially be like, “so I was watching your every move and noticed you’re watching a television program I’m highly interested in.. Want to talk about it for the next 5 hours?’ No. I can’t be that girl.
Forms of entertainment
Speaking of forms of entertainment, I have to have everything I’m planning on using directly in front of me. None of this going into the overhead compartment and digging out a book, magazine, iPod, snack. Etc. you have to have your shit together. And if you make the wrong decision and don’t want to read that book anymore, tough noogies, you’re stuck with it.
Flying can be tough, y’all.