Not so long ago, tabloids and entertainment news shows couldn’t get enough of the (probably very manufactured) rivalry between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. But now Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston have a lot in common – they’re both separated from Brad Pitt! – and we think it’s time to talk about them in the same breath once again.
To be clear: we don’t care a whole lot about the Brad/Angelina announcement, except that we feel sad for people who are going through a tough time. They both seem like okay people, but we’ve never really stanned for them as a couple or as individuals. However, we do care about any excuse to describe a situation through the words and actions of Rachel Karen Green, Greenwich Village’s hottest underqualified Ralph Lauren executive:
2004: Brad and Angelina meet and fall in love on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Brad is married to Jennifer Aniston.
(More relevant to our interests: this is the year that Friends ended.)
2004-2007: Despite Brad being the cheater, tabloids get a little too obsessed with Angelina and Jennifer’s supposed rivalry.
March 2005: Jennifer Aniston files for divorce: irreconcilable differences.
PS, at the time Aniston’s net worth is about $150 million dollars.
July 2005: Brad and Angelina won’t confirm relationship but will pose for a photo spread as parents of a brood of young children they don’t know.
January 2006: Angelina Jolie announces her pregnancy.
May 2006: Baby Shiloh is born. By this time, Brad has adopted Angelina’s older children, Maddox and Zahara.
March 2007: The Jolie-Pitts adopt Pax from Vietnam.
Guys, it was either this or Rachel and Ross singing Baby Got Back to Emma.
July 2008: Twins Knox and Vivienne are born.
2009: Brad announces that he and Angelina won’t get married until it’s legal for everyone to do so.
April 2012: The couple announces their engagement; Angelina begins wearing a wedding ring.
2013: Amid cheating rumors, a spate of magazines have cover stories about Brad declaring “I made a mistake”
August 2014: Brad and Angelina get married, roughly 7 years after I thought they were married.
2015: Rumors (possibly unfounded) of brad cheating begin to circulate.
2015: Brad and Angelina release a movie together. It’s called By The Sea. Chances are, you didn’t watch it.
April 2016: The Jolie-Pitts, who granted, have a ton of money, move into a house that costs $21,000 a month.
September 2016: Cheating rumors reach a high point (still unconfirmed).
September 20, 2016: Angelina Jolie files for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences.