Disney Channel | Cookies + Sangria

After one long year, the cast of WoWP have reunited for a TV movie. It’s been a long year, let me tell you guys. But really, was this reunion necessary? Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter, because here I am, live blogging it on a Friday night. I’m a party animal, y’all!

For a brief recap: We last saw our wizards competing in the family wizard tournament. Justin (David Henrie) was a shoe-in because he’s the smartest of the fam, but right before the finish line, Justin got his foot stuck in a random tree branch that was protruding out of a cave wall. Right behind him was Alex, managed to avoid said branch, and was about to win the tourney but decided to help her brother out and let him be the fam wizard. Justin raced ahead, and officially won, but he was all, ‘no I don’t deserve this Alex does’, so she got to be the family wizard instead. But as a consolation prize, Justin was hired to be a professor at Wiz Tech school, and Max, who usually got the short end of the stick, got the family sub station restaurant.

And so we begin…

They’re back! Also, I’m dying over Selena’s outfit!

:01 I’m already missing David Henrie. He really couldn’t get it together to be in this?

:02 Oh no! Alex has been charged with treason for trying to ruin the mortal world. And sassy Alex is back, y’all!

:03 I’m confused about the timeline in this. Is this right after the competition?

:05 Justin sends his ‘friend’ Dominic to say he can’t come home for the party celebrating his professorship at the Wizard school, WizTech. Friend, huh? Is this a Dumbledore situation?

because he’s gay.

:07 They’re going to Italy? Did I know this? Can’t believe Justin’s missing this. Alex creates a door to Villa di Russo, where there’s a hot girl that Max decides to run after. Subsequently, the rest of the family + Harper follows.

:10 “There are no Italians in New York!” – Max, still stupid.

:12 “Where everyone else sees trouble, I see magic. And Beauty.” – Dominic, who is hitting on Alex, and is also the kid from MTV’s Awkward. British werewolf Mason/Gregg Sulkin comes in all pouty because he realizes Alex is being super selfish with her magic, even though she turned his lame picnic into a bucket of chicken.

:15 “Why is everything you’re wearing is from the 90s? – Alex “Oh, but when you guys wear it it’s vintage?” – Jerry

:17 The Alex/Harper BFF relationship has always been my favorite. And it’s like they never went away. Harper is back to wearing odd clambake outfits and Alex has a library full of quips.

:18 Alex conjures a spell to get all her mean parts out of her because her family keeps calling her selfish, but per usual, the spell doesn’t quite work and an evil Alex appears in the mirror (hence the title, Alex vs. Alex). Mean Alex screams, “Let me out of here you ugly hags!” DID SHE REALLY SAY ‘HAGS’ ON THE DIS CHAN?

:21 Max is chasing after a hot girl, who turns out to be his cousin. Whoops.

:24 I am loving Evil Alex’s yellow blazer! Even if she captured Max, made him 2 inches tall, put him in a vial which she carries around in a charm bracelet. I’m gonna go ahead and assume she manages to capture all the other members of her family, until it’s a showdown between her and the final vial inhabitant: Good Alex. $10 bucks, internet.

:25 This is turning into an I Love Lucy episode with Jerry and Teresa stomping grapes in a huge barrel. Oh and they disappeared – into EA’s vial. Oh shiiiiit Awkward Dominic is in cahoots with EA! How? Why?

:29 “Dominic is evil?” – Good Alex “Is it weird he’s even more attractive now?” – Harper. Girl gets it.

:30 AwkDom created a machine (the Dominic 1000) capture every mortal wizard so he can rule the evil wizard world. Naturally.

:36 AwkDom’s next target is Alex’s BF, Mason, and he gets caught in between EA & GA, but decides to trust the evil one instead, and she puts him in a vial too. And now she’s wearing this weird cape thing. Should’ve stuck with the blazer.

:38 “People should appreciate you for who you are. Not who they think you should be.” Harper, doling out life lessons since ’07.

:40 The random streak in EA hair that’s been shown in all the ads isn’t as prominent in the movie as I thought. Also why is it white?

:41 AwkDom makes Alex do the spell that will make the Dominic 1000 work, so now every mortal wizard from around the world is being captured in weird beads. She gets the vial bracelet back but just as she’s about to reverse the spell, we flash forward to the crystals of justice form the beginning of the movie who find her guilty of treason, and sentencing her to death. At first Alex thinks he ordered her a week banned from sweets, but it was the wrong sentencing. Then he changed to death, which Alex said, “Death by chocolate?” “No. Death by death.”

:45 Mason escapes the vial after AwkDom stupidly breaks it himself. He turns himself into a werewolf to help her escape, and it works.

:47 EA and GA are literally having a Harry Potter-like showdown right now. And now Selena is beating up herself. Wonder if she was taking out all her Bieber agression this way…

:51 GA is doing some gymnastic type moves up in here. literally upside down in the air. AwkDom drops the vial bracelet off the edge of the Leaning Tower of Pisa (where he placed his machine). But Mason comes to the rescue when AwkDom tries to get GA to to join him, and pushes him over the edge. Guys, there’s a dead wizard at the bottom of the Tower of Pisa. There has GOT to be some tourist taking a pic who is so confused right now.

:54 Alex just cast a spell that not only saved the world, but took away her powers at the same time. In front of the Crystal jury, her guilty verdict was overturned, and they refused to give her the powers back of all the previous times she almost ruined the world. Alex states that Harper is the only one who accepts her for her flaws and deems HArper all the magic she needs. Aw. And just as they walk away without her powers, she gets her magic back because she’s proved she’s mature with the whole I love Harper speech.

:59 And that’s a wrap folks! It ends with bloopers, which are my favorite. If you ever need a pick me up, just search for bloops on YouTube (Friends, HIMYM, The Office are some of my faves). Also there’s a preview for a DCOM called Teen Beach Movie which is like Grease meets West Side Story meets HSM…. I think I’ve hit the age appropriate limit for these things.

pc out wizards!

a horribly photoshopped shot of my head on la laine’s body, living out my dream of doing the dchan bumpers

I have no shame in saying I love the Disney Channel. Back in the day, having it was a luxury, since it wasn’t part of the regular cable lineup. Finally, it became part of the regular cable package sometime around 2001, and because this one time unattainble network was at my fingertips whenever I pleased, I became obsessed. Also, I got into it at a fairly older age, which explains why I dressed up as the Miranda to my friend’s Lizzie for Halloween like, freshman year of high school.

Anyways, as many of you know, Disney Channel Original Movies (or DCOMs, as the cool kids call them), hit the height of their popularity around the early 2000s. Hit after hit after hit, these gems would be a good reason to stay in on a Friday night. Or if you were me, I had no social life so I justified spending time with Hilary Duff instead. Here are some of my favorite DCOMs, that were totally my jam. Spoiler: There is no Zenon, Halloweentown, or Brink! on this list. You’ve been warned.

Ed note: I had Tia and Tamera’s Seventeen Again on this list, but upon my research found out it was not a DCOM but in fact first aired on SHOWTIME. Boy has their programming changed.

Wish Upon a Star
This movie was made in 1996, but I obviously saw in when they re-aired it in the 2000s. Starring a young Katherine Heigl and Danielle Harris, this was a Freaky Friday-esque movie where two sisters magically swap bodies because of a wish they made on a star. Hilarity ensues. For the longest time my only reference to Katherine Heigl was this movie. Right when Grey’s was becoming popular, I was always like, ‘that’s the girl from Wish Upon a Star!’ I was the coolest.

https://youtu.be/U1zahDO1ibU

The Color of Friendship

Friendship is colorblind, y’all! This movie was based on actual events about a girl is from a wealthy (white) family in an apartheid South Africa, and goes to Washington D.C. as an exchange student. She slowly but surely forges an unlikely friendship with her host sister (who is black) and they learn about the real color of friendship.

Tru Confessions

One of my faves, this is seriously one of Shia LeBeouf’s greatest roles. No, really. He plays a mentally challenged kid, and his twin sister, who is the only one he really trusts and confides in, makes him the focus of a documentary film she’s making. It’s heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

Gotta Kick it Up!

SI SE PUEDE!!! Before there was Bring it On, there was Gotta Kick it Up. Before Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, there was a young America Ferrera. A fun and inspiration movie about young Latina girls who aspire to win their dance team championship. Literally like Bring it On but with Spanish.

Cadet Kelly

Hilary Duff goes to military school and proceeds to learn how to do color guard stuff with rifles. Also starring Even Stevens’ Wren and an Ashmore brother.

https://youtu.be/cR2KdXoZIew

Get a Clue

A young and innocent Lindsay Lohan (RIP) plays a Harriet the Spy type girl who attempts to solve the mystery of one of her missing teachers. Also, Alfalfa is in the movie, and it was initially jarring to see him all grown up, since the last time I saw him it was on my personal VHS copy of Little Rascals. But Bug Hall grew up like the rest of us and is now randomly BFF with David Henrie from Wizards. I know too much.

Princess Protection Program

I ship Delena, IDEC. Demi plays a privileged princess of some random ass country and has to hide out in the States with tomboy Selena in rural Louisiana. I remember thinking the casting was weird, bc obvi Selena would be the princess, but I guess it worked out. They just need to be BFFs for life.