Fall Memes Make Me Feel Fine: Me On Election Day 2016 vs. 2017

Election Day 2016 was a year ago today. A year that felt like walking uphill through knee-high mud that’s like 50% sewage and every time you start to make progress more orange mud slides down but you keep going and then the mud starts tweeting at you. On November 8, we were sweet summer children who looked like Shirley Temple and now we all look like Norman Bates’s mom in Psycho.

It’s been a year.

But here, let’s let my favorite election meme of the year – Me On Election Day 2016 vs. Me On Election Day 2017 – tell the tale:

I’m always here for Sissy Spacek, is all.

Like Eleven in season 2 of Stranger Things, this has been the journey from pretty to bitchin’.

They’re not all going to be ’70s/’80s themed, but we are all sweet innocent baby Drew Barrymore vs. Firestarter Drew Barrymore, right.

I think this is my favorite: a classic portrait of Jesus painted by a renaissance master vs: the work of an elderly Spanish woman with a lot of ambition and zero face-drawing skills.

Election night 2016 was (Good Place season 1 spoiler!) that moment when you find out you were really in hell all along.

And here I thought punching Nazis was just a thing my grandpas got to do in World War II.

I saw Triumphant Peggy (Mad Men) vs Handmaid June (The Handmaid’s Tale) as a 2016 vs 2017 comparison earlier this year, but it’s perfect for election day.

I love the ones that paint our 2017 Election Day as badass superheroes but sometimes it’s more like Sad Andy Dwyer.

We should have learned not to make jubilant predictions from Titanic, right?

What I don’t want lost in the above is that I LOVE Britney Spears and think 2007 Britney, in hindsight, was awesome.

One more Stranger Things one? #WinoForever

It wouldn’t be us if there wasn’t an Orphan Black reference. 2016: Alison Hendrix. 2017: a blood-splattered Helena.

In Jessie Spano speak, 2016: I’m so excited. 2017: I’m so scared.

Sidebar: I WISH I had been Canadian on Election Day 2016.

For my fellow Old People: From Gidget to Norma Rae.

I’m 31 and feel personally attacked.

You don’t know how long I searched for Chilton-era Rory Gilmore vs Handmaid’s Tale Alexis Bledel.

Fun fact, you can pick any two images of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, from Seinfeld, Veep, or both, and they will work for this.

I should have known hooded Kermit would make an appearance; I’m sure tea-sipping Kermit is out there somewhere on Twitter, too.

 

 

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Some Questions I Have About #RepealThe19th

Just, like, some housekeeping* before we get going on this:

*Ha. I know.

  • Are we still allowed to vote for Dancing With The Stars?
  • … America’s Got Talent, too?
  • Can we keep the Sister Suffragette song from Mary Poppins? I think we can all agree that song is good.

Last thing I want is a big hole in the middle of Mary Poppins. That is TOO FAR.

  • If I choose to stop paying taxes since I can’t vote, did I just join the Tea Party?
  • If so can I wear a tricorn cap, because that would be a plus:
  • Do women’s votes since 1920 un-count? What I mean is, is Mike Dukakis or somebody going to retroactively win once we take half the votes out of it?

    That's PRESIDENT Mondale to you.

    That’s PRESIDENT Mondale to you.

  • If so, do we need to hire that guy who writes those books about, you know, what would have happened if George Washington drowned in the Delaware River or whatever so he can let us know where America should be?

    It's honestly a pretty interesting book.

    It’s honestly a pretty interesting book.

  • What happens if we retroactively un-elect some of the guys who voted to repeal the 19th to begin with? How many times do we have to do this?
  • Are we going to rename everything that’s named after the suffragettes? I ask because I live in Western NY where a bunch of our roads and bridges are named after people like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Let’s figure this out ASAP, because I’m bad enough with directions as it is. Women drivers, am I right?
  • Wait, can we still drive?
  • How much trouble am I in if I vote? Let’s say I show up at the polls. Is it jail time or more like a parking ticket type situation? And once I’ve put my ballot in the machine they can’t tell whose it was, so it still gets counted, right?

    Also if we wear these to vote, nobody will ever know, right?

    Also if we wear these to vote, nobody will ever know, right?

  • Once we figure out the laws penalizing female suffrage, what are we going to call them?
  • We’re calling them Jane Crow laws, right?
  • Jill Crow laws? 
  • How exactly are we going to repeal the 19th?
  • I mean, I know HOW an amendment gets repealed, because it’s in the 5th amendment (by the way, you would have to use the 5th amendment to repeal the 5th amendment. That’s some inception shit there). But logistically, what chain of events could lead that to happen? Here’s the 5th, for reference:

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.

  • Women make up roughly 20% of most elected bodies (yeah, still not great), ergo at least some women would have to vote to repeal the 19th in order to reach the ¾ majority. But then wouldn’t their votes… uncount? Meaning the ¾ majority could never be reached?
  • Let’s just grab that last clause for a minute, with no state without its consent being deprived of equal suffrage in the senate. Since our female representatives are useless at voting, they’re out of the legislature, right? But then a state is deprived of its equal suffrage in the senate if they, prior to the repealer, had sitting female senators. Wouldn’t those states have to consent to that?
  • I mean, the men in those states? Sorry.
  • Actually, since they’re only trying to REPEAL the 19th, not enact affirmative federal legislation BANNING female suffrage, isn’t this up to the states after the fact? Can’t we all just live in the states that let us vote and leave North Dakota and Oklahoma or whatever empty if they choose to abolish female suffrage?
  • Do we automatically revert to which states had female suffrage before the 19th amendment was enacted? If so, lots of us are in luck (less so in the South and the weirder parts of New England, sorry.)

    Or, I mean, thanks for the local school election voting privileges, New Hampshire and Louisiana.

    Or, I mean, thanks for the local school election voting privileges, New Hampshire and Louisiana.

  • Let’s say female suffrage goes away entirely. I would guess we’d go back to that thing where your husband votes for both of you. But say you don’t have one… can I pick which man is my voting proxy, or are we randomly assigned? And are we sure that we want to make U.S. voter turnout even worse than it already is by (a) getting rid of half the voters and (b) adding GROUP WORK?!
  • Can anybody who wants to “repeal the 19th” name 10 amendments other than the 19th and the 2nd? Heck. 5 amendments. And I already gave you the 5th.