Songs from 2016 That Need To Stay In 2016

2016 was a shitshow of a year in many ways – in all the ways, really. From entertainment to politics to social injustice, it really wasn’t the best of times. And that goes for music too. Every year we make January’s playlist a collection of songs that we think should stay in the previous year, but for some reason, this playlist came a little too easily to come up with.

Traci’s Picks

The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey – Closer

The Chainsmokers – A) I don’t care for their name. B) I don’t care for their music. C) This song is not good. I had to put it on mute when they performed it live on the VMAs.

Lukas Graham – 7 Years

Fact: Lukas Graham is a band, not a singular person. Other fact: I don’t like this song that’s supposed to ring nostalgic but is just grating on my ears as an old person.

Mike Posner – I Took A Pill in Ibiza

For the record, I thought this song and Lukas Graham’s song were the same thing. They’re not. Also, I don’t care what you did on the party island of Ibiza, rich white man.

twenty one pilots – Stressed Out

Twenty one pilots seemingly came out of nowhere, right? Or am I just that not in touch with the youth these days? They were the musical guest when Lin hosted SNL, I know that. Anyways, this song reminds me of the early 2000s era Good Charlotte types, which I wasn’t into, and I’m still not into now. I feel like I’m starting to sound like an Ethel with this post, guys.

Panda – Desiigner

This is one of those songs that’s semi-ok during the chorus and then the repetition makes you want to bang your head against the wall. Also have you ever heard Desiigner (sic) speak IRL? It’s not the greatest.

Molly’s Picks

Rihanna feat. Drake – Work

I like Rihanna, I like Drake, I even pretty much like this song. But after months on end of hearing “work work work work work work” it has taken up residence in my brain and I want it gone. By 2019 or so it’ll be a fun throwback, but I need a break break break break break break.

Flo Rida – My House

At first I thought it was refreshing that a top 40 hit was just about hospitality, offering friends a drink, and staying in. I still think that, but as with work, I just can’t hear this again for a while.

Fifth Harmony – Work From Home

I think the combo of this song and Work are the reason the word ‘work’ is stuck in my head roughly half the time these days. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my off hours.

G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha Me, Myself & I

This one’s fine, more or less. But I didn’t even realize it was a new song until it had been out for months because it reminded me of so many other songs that have come out in the past several years, and no hard feelings, but this one can live in 2016.

Meghan Trainor – Me Too

Meghan seems like a nice girl, some of her songs are very catchy, but I don’t think even SHE is sold on this one.


Bad Trips: A Tribute To Celebrities Falling Down

There was a time when I thought the lowest form of comedy was what I called “people falling down humor.” There’s no wit, no punchline, just a human hurtling toward the earth. But those days are over, friends. I can admit it now: there are few things funnier than a person – especially a person who is well-dressed, dignified, graceful, or just plain old richer than you – eating pavement. Lucky for all of us, celebrities fall down as much (more??) than your average person. Just pin it on their predilection for fancy footwear, the blinding lights throwing off their balance, or wearing borrowed shoes that they haven’t broken in.

Just last night, Meghan Trainor fell gloriously on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon. It was the end of her performance. She struck a pose, turned her ankle, and crumbled to the ground. It couldn’t have been more beautiful if you choreographed it. Then Meghan – sweet little Meghan – just lay there, as you do when you’ve had the wind knocked all the way out of you and can’t stand up without flashing the entire audience.

Let’s look at it again, in gif format:

The important part is that she fell straight down, collapsing from the top like a building during a controlled demolition. The second-most-important part is that Jimmy Fallon called “safe” when she landed, proving once and for all that his is the dad of two small children. Because who doesn’t do that when a toddler falls down?

As far as celebrities falling down, this one was pretty good. But you can’t talk about celebrity tumbles without talking about Jennifer Lawrence, who I would say defined the art form with her 2013 Oscar acceptance trip:

This one actually became a meme simply because she fell so beautifully that it looked like a print ad for Dior:

You may also remember Ms. Lawrence for her lesser-celebrated falls at the Hunger Games: Mockingjay premiere, the 2014 Academy Awards, and the X-Men Apocalypse premiere.

Another celebrity racking up the Frequent Faller Miles – but for reasons other than pure clumsiness – is Lindsay Lohan. Why, for a time in 2009, you could scarcely open an US Weekly without seeing her tripping her way out of the Chateau Marmont:


Now I don’t know Lindsay’s life, but I do know her reality tv show and general arrest history. While she might just be clumsy, there’s at least a reasonable suspicion that she was under the influence during some of these falls. I would argue that a drunk or impaired stumble is a lot less funny. What I need is the pure, klutzy humor of a sober stumble – the fall of a persons who can stay upright, they just aren’t. So how about a palate cleanser?

See, that’s the kind of fall I like – when you’re too much of a handsome puppy to keep from tripping over your own feet. Harry Styles brings up a good point: pop stars fall a lot because they’re giving 110%. It’s not quite as silly as falling on a slow stroll down the red carpet, but we all love a good mid-performance stumble. Just ask Ariana Grande!

Or Mariah Carey:

While there’s no better wholesome fun than a person falling down and getting up more or less unscathed, my research on the subject raised a question. People have been falling as long as they’ve been upright. Celebrity culture has existed in some fashion since the dawn of the silent film era (sure, you had your Jenny Linds and such before that, but they weren’t reported on as much). So why does it seem like celebrities are falling more than ever? Are our shoes more impractical? Are there more cameras on celebrities than in the past? (The answer to that one, I’d say, is yes.) Did the old studio system allow for reports of who was seen fake-dating at the MGM commissary, but not unflattering depictions of celebs falling down? Or are people just faking it because falling is, for whatever reason, the cool thing to do?

I picked a few of the top silent film stars, then Googled their names plus the word “falling,” as you do. Hits turned up for “falling in love” (yay, Mary Pickford!) or “fall from grace” (sorry, Mabel Normand), but nobody seemed to be pulling a Humpty Dumpty. Then again: most magazines from the era aren’t archived online, and premieres and awards shows weren’t filmed. To find a celebrity in an unscripted or semi-unscripted setting, you have to fast forward to the big studio era.

Audrey Hepburn apparently never fell, but then again we all knew that. I bet she didn’t even fall when she was learning to walk. Katharine Hepburn, either. Gregory Peck, John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart: all non-fallers. Even little Shirley Temple, a star before most kids even have all their fine motor skills down: just another Upright Ursula.

Moving onto a broader search for “celebrities falling,” we only get into the early 2000s – which, with all its Paris Hiltons and low-rise whatevers, was a golden age of the celeb stumble. The question still burned in my mind – when is the first recorded celebrity fall? Despite the pratfall being a comedy trope as old as laughter itself, the grandiose celebrity stumble seems to be a modern invention.  However, fortunately for those of us who need a little levity in our late-night musical performances or awards show speeches, it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

Playlist of the Month: Songs from 2014 That Need To Stay In 2014

We know that every new year is a fresh beginning. As about 5 people’s Facebook posts reminded us last week, January 1 is just page one, and we have 365 pages to go (except I guess on a Leap Year?). But life isn’t a book, friends. It’s a Top 40 radio station, because on January 1 it does not wipe itself clean and reboot with all new content. It’s playing the same old tired songs that it was on December 31. Extended metaphors aside, here are the tunes from 2014 that we wish REAL radio stations would have let stay in 2014.

Traci’s Picks

Habits (Stay High) – Tove Lo

Possibly controversial opinion? Call me a prude, but I just cannot stand the lyrics to this song, which I guess is unusual because I’m a fan of a lot of songs that involve drugs and sex and the ilk. Maybe it’s because she’s admitting that she has to stay high on drugs in order to avoid her real life problems and then brags about about it, in a seemingly immature way, which is even more annoying. Perhaps it’s my old age but it’s like, ugh, just get your shit together.

Paranoid – Ty Dolla $ign

Again, it’s not that I’m totally opposed to songs like this which talk about dudes sexin’ women, but this song is such blatant infidelity. He’s basically all, ‘I’m at a club and two of my side chicks are there, and I know they know each other exists, so this is all probably just a ploy to blow up my spot. Or maybe I’m just making this whole thing up because I’m paranoid.’ Here’s a way to help your paranoia – don’t go cheating on your girl. #ByeFelicia

Rude – Magic!

You know what would be really rude? If this song continued to play throughout 2015.

Anaconda – Nicki Minaj

I understand that Baby Got Back is a classic 80s rap song, which exactly why it shouldn’t be used in a sample for one of Nicki Minaj’s songs merely 22 years later. Plus I just find this song annoying.

#SELFIE – The Chainsmokers

I feel like this is self explanatory. Also, any song that involves a hashtag in its name should automatically be banned.

Molly’s Picks

All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor

It’s like the Top 40 version of a Dove ad. It’s fine to like this song – so catchy! – but ultimately anything that panders to your insecurities by telling you that “we’re all beautiful” is still telling you that it’s important to be beautiful. A song that says “guys like you more if you aren’t skinny!” is still saying that it’s their approval that matters. Cute video though.

Timber – Pitbull feat. Kesha

You know those songs that, the first time you hear them, you feel like you’ve heard it a hundred times before? That’s Timber. And I don’t think the turn of phrase with “going down” and “timber” is half as clever as they think it is.

Hey Brother – AVICII

Is it a shootout at high noon in a Tarantino-ish or Luhrman-y movie, set in the Old West but with a modern soundtrack? If not, then this song has no place.

A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay

When I imagine all the earnest 19-year-old boys with acoustic guitars singing this in dorm lounges, I really feel for today’s college students. Of course, us ladies in our late 20s had to contend with earnest Coldplaying during our coed days, too. When I was in college we still had AIM profiles, and this guy I was seeing had, first of all, pointed yet still vague Coldplay lyrics in his profile (what was I thinking?) and they were directed at his ex-girlfriend. And the lyrics were from Fix You. It’s so great to be a grown up now, guys.

Wiggle – Jason Derulo feat. Snoop Dog

Don’t try this at home, boys. “This” being interrogating someone about how she shoehorns her butt into her jeans. Also the answer is probably either Spanx or “actually, they’re jeggings.”