If you missed my first post about my affection for this show, you can read all about how this program about internet dating will change your life. This was an episode that aired in early January, but if you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here (since it won’t embed ugh) and read along!
:00 OK, I really have high hopes for this one. This is finally going to be the one where they find true love.
:02 THIS PERSON LIVES IN WESTERN NEW YORK. JOE!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE FROM ROCHESTER.
:04 I’m sorry, but this Kari Ann girl looks like a model, and Joe looks like a kid who works at a Blockbuster and plays in a garage band (sorry, Joe). She just messages him out of the blue?? But seriously, who messages anyone out of the blue on FB? Stranger Danger, folks!
:05 OMG WAS THAT THE ROCHESTER AIRPORT? Joe lives in Warsaw, which is basically equidistant from Roc and Buffalo – in other words, the middle of nowhere on a farm.
:08 Joe’s accent is so western NY, I can’t.
:09 Commercial for Snooki and JWoww is on. I’m not gonna lie to you people. I’m excited for this. In unrelated news: my job is ruining my life.
:13 Kari Ann was Miss Teen USA, has a kid, and she was a Playboy model…
:14 So usually, it’s really easy for Nev to find something sketchy on the person, but It’s taking a while for them to find something on Kari Ann. All the people the get in contact with check out. This is a good sign folks. I’m telling you, high hopes!
:17 Nev and Max meet Joe’s friends, including this girl Rose who clearly needs to put the girls away. I mean you are on TV, but you’re also on a go-cart track with hick boys.
:26 Nev and Max are staying in Geneseo!! Aka the town where Molly went to school!!
:29 Kari Ann calls him out for being a stranger all up in their relationship, and Nev says it’s ok because “it’s a good reminder that what he’s doing is weird.” I mean the girl has a point. Imagine if a random person calling you up and being like, so your internet BF is concerned that you’re not who you say you are. Now come meet us. Kbyeeee.
:30 Nev says he’s hot after the nerve wracking conversation and proceeds to take off his sweater. I just think he is the cutesttt (I’m sorry for the onoxious ‘ttt’, but I appreciate him a lot).
:31 “We’re country folk, we stick to our own” – Joe’s dad. ugh.
:32 Ok, it’s not that weird that Kari Ann was in NYC and didn’t tell him, because the city is SIX HOURS AWAY.
:36 Joe’s shaking, I’m shaking. It’’s always about the 35 minute mark into the show when I feel like I’m going to throw up from the anticipation of the significant other revealing themselves.
:38 FUCKIN ROSE. It’s been his friend the entire time. His friend that claimed she met Kari Ann IRL and became friends with her, and that’s how Kari Ann got in contact with Joe. But props to her for keeping up the fake Kari Ann profile. She’s been doing it for years and has ‘mastered’ the art of fake profiling. Right.
:40 I feel so bad for Joe because Rose could care less that she’s hurt his feelings. Also, stop trying to be a Playboy model, but them girls away.
:46 When faced with the decision to choose between a real relationship and fake internet relationships, she hesitates and says she’s not ready to give them up. This is getting more and more intense – she’s created a bunch of fake profiles, and even told one of them to get FB engaged. Hello?!
:47 This episode is turning into an episode of Intervention. The common denominator between a lot of these people pretending to be somebody else is that they’re lacking their own self-esteem, (see: Sonny & Jamison, Jasmine & Mike, Jarrod & Abby) and in order to gain the confidence they need, they turn to fake identities of an ideal version of themselves. It’s clearly a problem they need to seek help for, especially Rose, who has lied and conned a lot of people online.
:48 She decides to post a status telling everyone she’s going away for a while and requests for no one to contact her. Yeah, because that’s going to help her addiction. Just delete everything, you psycho.
:49 Not a psycho: Joe. The kid had his heartbroken and just needs a hug. Nev, hug the boy, will you?
:58 Rose deactivates her Kari Ann profile… for 24 hours. This bitch has 1,000 friends! I don’t even have that many and I’m a real person!!!!
:51 Before Joe parts ways with his internet investigators, he asks them to drive along side him in his ATV to test the speed. Country through and through.
:59 One month later, Rose moved to Cali to be with her BF – whom she met through the Kari Ann. Apparently he was more forgiving than Joe, because when they met and she wasn’t the Playboy model, he didn’t care.
:00 Joe is still single. But not looking for love online ever again. Good for you Joe Coco. Good for you.