Good evening (or afternoon, depending) and welcome to our 2014 Golden Globes Live Blog! Today, as always, please refresh your browser window periodically to load our updates. Keeps the “live” in “live blog,” you know. You can also find us on twitter throughout the event: @cookiessangria

Preshow

M: First thing I saw when I turned on the preshow was Lupita Nyong’o in a red dress with a cape. She has sleek, side-parted hair like a debonair gent in the Gatsby era, or young Isabella Rosselini. I say both of those as a huge compliment. Also, she recently graduated from Yale. And most importantly, she has the most perfect face ever. Honestly, just try to find something wrong with her face.

AND THEN. AND THEN. Biggest game-changer ever. Amy Adams is ALSO wearing a red dress with a cape. Ho-ly shit. How did this happen? Even small-town prom dress shops won’t sell the same dress to two girls going to the same prom.

Does Tina Fey’s Dress have umbrellas printed on it?????  In case you missed it, the little tiny man from E! offered to help her and her big ol’ dress train down the stairs, then just dropped her off at the banister and said “here, use the railing.” Rude. Also her dress does not have umbrellas printed on it, I just need to be less resistant to wearing my glasses.

Sarah Hyland looks like she’s from Game of Thrones. Note: I don’t watch Game of Thrones but I know it’s the one with the Pinterest-y braids and bad weddings.

Amy Adams is wearing a dress that is two shades of red, with red hair, on a red carpet. I’d complain about too much red but having spent a lifetime hearing what colors redheads CAN’T wear, Amy Adams can do what she wants.

Giuliana Rancic and Margot Robbie just had a conversation that played out like an awkward bar closing time pickup. To wit:

G: So… are you single?

M: …yes.

G: Ah, well not for long! Maybe you’ll meet someone tonight!

M: Well, I’m not really into actors…

G: [eyes light up]

Kerry Washington looks like a beautiful pregnant snowball.

M: Jennifer Lawrence… Jennifer Lawrence. As a mere mortal, I CANNOT wear 30 yards of white fabric literally tied directly under my ass, but Jennifer Lawrence isn’t the rest of us and it kind of looks okay. Or possibly like ascot opening day.

Sosie Bacon… your father may be only six degrees from everyone… you may call Tina Fey and Amy Poehler “Tina and Amy,” but your first name is still “Sosie” and your last name is still “Bacon.” I’ll always have that on you.

M: Matt Lauer, who looks increasingly like a grizzled sociology professor, just talked about Renaissance paintings. Slow your roll, Lauer. We’re not here for class. We’re here to watch pretty people get shiny things.

I may be making this up in my head… I’m probably making this up in my head… but they’re interviewing Tina and Amy, who are both just radiantly lovely, and does Amy Poehler look nervous? Probably not, right? Probably just that fluttery feeling you get when you’re about to KILL at something but it’s not time for you to do it yet. By the way, Tina Fey’s dress does NOT look like umbrella print, but maybe it’s some sort of Rorschach thing, and I was just projecting that my feelings for Tina Fey can best be summed up by Rihanna’s pop hit “Umbrella.”

Let’s talk about Michelle Dockery. Somehow, to me she always looks like Lady Mary dropped into a different milieu. She looks like if Lady Mary were a 2010s television actress, right now. Her dress is shimmery embossed perfection.

M: Matt Damon has greying temples. I’m not ready for this. He looks great, but he’ll always be the little scamp from Good Will Hunting to me.

And now, the queen of really iffy sounding blind items, Hayden Panettiere! Her brooch looks like a bow from a Christmas package. Her hair looks like it’s trying to be both a Mohawk but a full head of hair as well. Girl, you can’t have your cake and look like a dumbass too.

Kerry Washington is doing that thing where you cup your pregnant belly so that people know you’re not just fat. Hey ladies: you can pull that same move to get people to give up their seats for you on the bus, pregnant or not.

Cate Blanchett, who looks very pretty, just said that when deciding to do Blue Jasmine, Woody Allen “is all a girl needs to hear.” Is she trolling us, or is she hosting the 2014 Golden Globes Create Your Own Punchline Contest?

Tina Fey And Amy Poehler’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler Golden Globe Awards

M:Traci, when you get here can you tell me whether the GGs are held in a residential neighborhood? Because the aerial view was weird.

T: ^^ it’s in Beverly Hills, – so residential adjacent

T: HI FRIENDS I’M CHIMING IN AS MUCH AS I CAN BECAUSE I’M AT WORK AND I’M A REALLY GOOD EMPLOYEE. I can’t even focus because Amy and Tina are stunningly beautiful. Like my eyes can’t handle it.

M: Yes. Like, I needed them to train the camera on Martin Scorcese for a bit to give my eyes a break. There are still great roles for “Meryl Streeps” over 60, says Tina. Tina has one of those glorious hair-cape heads of hair, like Kate Middleton.

Tina Fey: “George Cloooney would rather float into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” ZING.

Tina Fey again: Matthew McConoghey lost 45 pounds … or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.”

T: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: The only people who can make a joke about slavery and get away with it.

M: Yeah, it’s like a charming joke about slavery when they do it.

T: “The Blacklist is who’s invited to my room tonight” – ME TOO TINA. ME TOO.

M: Sandra Bullock, color blocking like a BOSS. (My boss doesn’t color block, he mostly wears button-ups and slacks.)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave

Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

June Squibb, Nebraska

Molly’s Pick: Lupita Nyong’o

Traci’s Pick: Jennifer Lawrence

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence: I actually DID watch all of the movies this year… well not all of them, you know what I mean.

T: J Law, never one to disappoint. I hope the HFPA keeps giving you awards even though you don’t want them to.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing On The Edge

Janet McTeer, White Queen

Hayden Panettiere, Nashville

Monica Potter, Parenthood

Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Molly’s Pick: Monica Potter. I missed season 4 so I just watched it on Netflix, and HOLY COW why didn’t somebody warn me NOT to watch season 4?

Traci’s Pick: Monica Potter. It’s about damn time Parenthood got recognized and if cancer’s what it takes, then so be it.

Winner: Jacqueline Bisset

M: I don’t know who was expecting that less, us or Jacqueline Bisset. But, judging by her speech, it was Jacqueline Bisset. My favorite part was when the audio cut out, only to return on the word “shit.” My least-favorite part was the rest of it.

T: Um is Jaqueline Bisset going to pass out? Slash is it embar that I always think she’s related to Jackie O? (Is she related to Jackie O?) Is she gonna vomit? OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. INCLUDING THAT TIME THE NATIVE AMERICAN ACCEPTED FOR MARLON BRANDO.

PS: Monica Potter was ROBBED.

M: Seconded. You should all watch Parenthood Season Four. Or, maybe don’t? Shit gets real.

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN (FX Networks)

BEHIND THE CANDELABRA (HBO)

DANCING ON THE EDGE (Starz)

TOP OF THE LAKE (Sundance Channel)

WHITE QUEEN (Starz)

Molly’s Pick: American Horror Story

Traci’s Pick: Behind the Candelabra

Winner: Behind The Candelabra

M: Well, apparently we didn’t set this up with our predictions, but Elisabeth Moss just won Best Actress in a MiniSeries, etc. for Top of The Lake. She looks very Lady Mary tonight and it just took her about 8 minutes to navigate her way to the stage. It’s going to run late, solely because of all of the damn walking. Really, if I wanted to watch people walk medium-slow I would have gone to the mall at 7am when they open early for the mall walkers.

T: Fact: I hated HATED Top of the Lake, but Elisabeth Moss was so so good in it. If there’s some kind of montage on YouTube that just shows the scenes that she’s in, watch that, because the whole thing is the worst.

M: I’m so glad you said that, because I watched the first episode and decided that I just couldn’t deal with all that. Let’s take a moment to appreciate that Google Docs (where we’re drafting this) actually recognized that “Elizabeth Moss” was a mistake. You know there’s a real-life Elizabeth Moss out there who hates this feature.

M:Jonah Hill and a blonde woman stumble over a category because there’s no teleprompter. Shouldn’t he be funnier making things up as he goes along? Speaking of funny, they’re introducing Wolf of Wall Street, so I can maybe figure out how it’s in the comedy category.

Nope. Still don’t get it. But there was a shot of Gwyneth Paltrow opening a water bottle, so don’t worry, Goop is hydrated.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Michael Sheen, Masters Of Sex

Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards

James Spader, The Blacklist

Molly’s pick: Bryan Cranston

Traci’s Pick: Bryan Cranston

Winner: Bryan Cranston

T: Vince Gilligan has already taken off his tie, because he knows he already has these wins in the bag? Probs.

M: Definitely. His night was over before it began.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

BREAKING BAD (AMC)

DOWNTON ABBEY (PBS)

THE GOOD WIFE (CBS)

HOUSE OF CARDS (Netflix)

MASTERS OF SEX (Showtime)

Molly’s Pick: Breaking Bad

Traci’s Pick: Breaking Bad

M: Aaron Paul took it away with a “yeah, bitch!” How did the censors not realize the inevitable end to any sentence spoken by Aaron Paul?

T: Well I think since they already accidentally miss-bleeped Jaqueline Bisset’s ‘SHIT’, and a few camera angles are out of sync, NBC is doing what it does best – fucks up.

M: The dude who just won for best score looks like Mokkiki from SNL. I feel like he’s about to do the Sloppy Swish.

T: He also looks like he just came off the boat with Robert Redford. Also P Diddy Sean Combs Puff Daddy Diddy Dirty Money is SUCH a ham in whatever he does. It’s like I anticipated him to takeover the mic while Washed Ashore accepted his award.

M: I just sat there while he was speaking trying to remember the proper form of address for him. I haven’t had such struggles since I lived in Spain and had to decide whether to “tu” or “usted” somebody.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

“Atlas”, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

“Let It Go”, Frozen

“Ordinary Love”, Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom

“Please Mr Kennedy”, Inside Llewyn Davis

“Sweeter Than Fiction”, One Chance

Molly’s Pick: Let it Go

Traci’s Pick: Let It Go

Winner: Ordinary Love

M: I just said WHAAAAAT?! out loud. Okay, we all love Bono, but get a grip, Hollywood Foreign Press. He doesn’t have to win all the time.

M: Is there a reason Puff Combs Daddy Money just said “let it go, let it go, let it go” to the tune of let it snow? Just to stick it to Idina Menzel? HER YEAR HAS BEEN HARD ENOUGH.

T: The only reason U2 winning is worth it: close-up shots of Idris Elba. ::insert emoji with heart eyes::

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Josh Charles, The Good Wife

Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra

Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Corey Stoll, House Of Cards

Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Molly’s Pick: Rob Lowe

Traci’s Pick: Aaron Paul – but Corey Stoll was SO good in House of Cards.

Winner: John Voight

T: UGH JON VOIGHT? THE GUY WHO WEARS THE EXACT SAME TUX/OUTFIT TO EVERY AWARDS SHOW? OVER AARON PAUL? And is there some kind of vacuum up at the mic where people suddenly lose their voice? Get it together, folks.

M: You may know Jon Voight from seeing talking about his beef with his daughter, Angelina Jolie, on Access Hollywood.

Also if you lick Jon Voight’s face (DON’T DO THAT) you would get botulism. So much botox in there.

T: SURPRISE: ROBERT DOWNEY JR. And he just winked and I feel like it was directly towards me.

M: Oh, I think it WAS toward you. Don’t doubt it.

Just this morning I was reading about how RDJ was possibly the secret celebrity source behind the blind item comments on CDaN and now I can’t look at him without thinking he’s the Gossip Girl of Hollywood.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Amy Adams, American Hustle

Julie Delpy, Before Midnight

Greta Gerwig, Francis Ha

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Enough Said

Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

Molly’s pick: Meryl Streep

Traci’s pick: Meryl Streep. Because, Meryl Streep.

T: Aww J Law is just as happy for Amy Adams as she was for winning her own award! If anyone should win over Meryl, it’s Amy.

M: How DARE the music cut off Amy Adams! Oh, Amy Adams totally just shut that down and told the music that it couldn’t play her out of talking about her daughter. Adorable. I love Amy Adams so much that I’m going to make myself some flashcards or something to learn how to tell her, Isla Fisher and Jessica Chastain apart. I should be better at this but evidently all skinny red-haired white ladies look the same to me.

T: The Modern Family table always looks like they had a good time at these drinking events. I’d like to sit at the table. Or the Parks and Rec table. Or the SNL-alum table/whereever Jimmy Fallon is.

M: Oooh, I’m going for Parks and Rec table, because they look like they have so much fun together. But if they put Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers at the same table, that might be fun. Or I guess anywhere with a clear eye-line toward Idris Elba.

T: “HEY YOUR NAME IS SOSIE – WHAT ARE YOU THE OLYMPICS?!?!?” I CANNOT. Poehler as a tiny boy is A++++. She did that in SNL a bunch, right?

M: Yeah, anytime Amy Poehler plays an under-18 is A+ and I wish there was a way to make that sound less creepy.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black

Kerry Washington, Scandal

Robin Wright, House Of Cards

Molly’s Pick: I can’t do this. I guess Tatiana Maslany, which is probably wishful thinking on my part – but if either Maslany, Schilling, or Washington wins, I will be jumping for joy.

Traci’s Pick: I think if Tatiana Maslany has a shot at winning any award it will be for this one. So I’m taking a shot and saying her. But like Molly, I will jump for joy and spill red wine all over my white trench coat if Kerry Washington wins.

Winner: Robin Wright

M: So, literally the only person I didn’t really care about? Cool.

T: Hey Robin Wright gave a shout out to the best acceptance speech giver in the world – Merritt Wever at the Emmys. I want to rewatch that a million times over and over again right now.

M: Here ya go: Agreed, best ever.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Daniel Bruhl, Rush

Bradley Cooper, American Hustle

Michael Fassbender, 12 Years A Slave

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Molly’s Pick: Bradley Cooper

Traci’s Pick: Jared Leto

Winner: Jared Leto

M: So, my main association with Jared Leto (other than Jordan Catelano) is when I used to read my sister’s Seventeen magazines when I was like 7, every issue contained all of these fawning pieces about Jared Leto. And I get it now, but I remember seeing him at the time and being really confused about it all. [In case you’re wondering, the rest of the magazine during that era was fashion spreads with a lot of plaid, and “Trauma-Rama” columns about girls accidentally calling their boyfriend’s mom instead of their own mom for, like, tampon problems.]

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

Spike Jonze, Her

Bob Nelson, Nebraska

Jeff Pope & Steve Coogan, Philomena

John Ridley, 12 Years A Slave

Eric Warren Singer & David O Russell, American Hustle

Molly’s Pick: Spike Jonze

Traci’s Pick: Spike Jonze

Winner: Spike Jonze

M: Best part of this award? Emma Thompson presenting the award with her shoes in one hand and her drink in another.

T: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Spike Jonze or I just don’t ever remember his face? How adorable is he?

M: I was expecting someone completely different. This is also the first time I’ve realized that Jonze is a sassy homophone of Jones.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jason Bateman, Arrested Development

Don Cheadle, House Of Lies

Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Molly’s Pick: Jason Bateman

Traci’s Pick: Jim Parsons

Winner: Andy Samberg

M: THRILLED about this, as was presenter Seth Meyers, who declared it the best night ever.

T: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LITERALLY JUST STOOD UP AND JUMPED FOR JOY. IT’S LIKE THE BEST FLUKE EVER! LORNE MICHAELS IS STILL STOIC BUT SUCH A PROUD DAD  AHHH HE THANKED AKIVA AND JORMA TOO!! THE TINA/AMY PARTY IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK TONIGHT. We just need Amy to win now and all will be right with the world.

M: I just flapped my hands. Jeeeeez. Also, Joanna Newsom looks super super pretty and I assume she has a lute or air-harp or gnome hidden in her dress.

M: This is sort of apropos of nothing, but this is by far the best picture to emerge from the night so far:

M: They just announced the best foreign language film and all I know is that it’s not the French one with the lesbians.

I LOVE that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is always up for an awards show bit (eg: pretending to ignore Tina and Amy while eating a hot dog with the works).

T: Also not wearing a tie: Idris Elba. Also who should just do away with everything else and strip down naked: Idris Elba.

M: No, I really think Idris Elba can wear a tie. [Just a tie.] [Actually that would be weird. So, either nothing or like, normal clothes.]

T: Emma Watson, the classiest Gryffindor broad this side of the pond. *cue P Diddy Dirty Money’s Let it Flowwww song*

M: Ugh is THAT what Diddy Daddy was trying to do earlier?

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

THE CROODS

DESPICABLE ME 2

FROZEN

Molly’s Pick: Frozen. Just like to point out that this is the only category while I’ve seen all the nominees.

Traci’s Pick: Frozen

Winner: Frozen

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl

Lena Dunham, Girls

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation

Molly’s Pick: Amy Poehler. Please?

Traci’s Pick: Amy Poehler. If I put it out in the universe enough it will eventually happen.

Winner: Amy Poehler (!!!!!)

M: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just like to point out that Poehler has been a comedy Susan Lucci. I mean, I’m sure Susan Lucci is very funny. Mostly physical comedy.

Tears sprang into my eyes when they showed the rest of the Parks cast.

T: I AM LIT’RALLY CRYING. TEARS ARE COMING OUT OF MY EYE HOLES. AND YES THE CAST IS SO SO PROUD OF HER AND I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH IT’S AS IF MY FRIEND JUST WON IS THAT WEIRD? I CAN’T STOP THE CAPS LOCK GUYS. I CAN’T STOP IT. SLASH I NEED TO FIND OUT WHERE THIS AFTER PARTY IS BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE RAGINNNNN

M: I’m like, leaving to go get a tissue-level crying.

M: Oh my god, was Tina’s comment that there was “a special place in hell” for Amy a throwback to T.Swift’s dumb comment about Amy and Tina? ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

Diane Keaton has sort of started to look like the Barbie Doll tribute version of herself.

NBC. Take a chill pill. They started cutting off the audio when Keaton said “God Damn” and kept going for about a minute. But they brought the audio back for a creep-tastic rendition of “Make New Friends.” Lucky… us?

By the way, Traci had to restart her computer but texted that she knew I was commenting on the creepy song. So, Cookies + Sangria Bi-Coastal Consensus: that shit was creepy.

She also told me that Taran Killam tweeted about the best score guy and Mokiki, so Taran, it’s cool that you read our blog.

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity

Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips

Steve McQueen, 12 Years A Slave

Alexander Payne, Nebraska

David O. Russell, American Hustle

Molly’s Pick: Steve McQueen

Traci’s Pick: Steve McQueen

Winner: Gravity

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

THE BIG BANG THEORY (CBS)

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Fox)

GIRLS (HBO)

MODERN FAMILY (ABC)

PARKS & RECREATION (NBC)

Molly’s Pick: Parks (should win); Modern Family or Girls (will win)

Traci’s Pick: Girls

Winner: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

T: OH MY GOD BROOKLYN NINE-NINE?!?!?! IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?! MIKE SCHUR! CHELSEA PERETTI LOOKS SO PRETTY. This is just too much. I cannot handle this.

M: Everything is amazing right now. This is one of those dorky moments where I remember watching Chelsea Peretti on YouTube sketch comedy when I was in college, like 7 years ago and nobody had ever heard of her, and I just feel so happy for her right now.

By the way, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is really good and you should all watch it. I just didn’t pick it because I didn’t think it had a chance.

M: I just figured out what J.Law’s dress reminds me of. It’s those dolls you’d make by folding over a bunch of yarn then tying it in bunches around the waist and butt.

But don’t worry, the internet is ON IT like a bonnet:

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Christian Bale, American Hustle

Bruce Dern, Nebraska

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf Of Wall Street

Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis

Joaquin Phoenix, Her

Molly’s Pick: Leonardo DiCaprio. But I’ve heard enough things that happen in Wolf of Wall Street to emphatically NOT want to see it, and apparently it’s a comedy, too?

Traci’s Pick: I feel like Bruce Dern might take this one. Just like Kate Winslet, my heart lies with Leo.

Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio

T: I am standing and clapping for Leo. The one year Kate’s at home tending to her new kid, she’s not here to witness Leo winning. Also could this finally be the year the Oscars recognize Leo?

M: Fittingly, the celebrities who are responsible for about 50% of our blog traffic (Leo DiCaprio and Amy Poehler) have won (but they were winners in our hearts already). /plug/ By the way, have you seen our Leo and Amy posts? /plug/

M: SHOW US KATE JEEZ. Wait, is she there?

T: Sadly I don’t think so. Better things to do, like hang out with a baby. Her baby, not just any baby.

T: PS Sosie Bacon is NOT kidding around on this stage. She is hustlin.

M: Sosie Bacon is proving that she may have gotten this gig through nepotism, but she’s keeping it by handing out those damn trophies promptly and properly.

Also, re: Kate Winslet: I think my favorite thing about her, recently, is that she named her baby Bear, like the animal,  and then when asked if she’d give him the surname RocknRoll she was like “no, because I’m a fucking grownup.”

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

AMERICAN HUSTLE

HER

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS

NEBRASKA

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET

Molly’s Pick: American Hustle. Or maybe not, because I didn’t realize it was a musical or comedy and I watched the whole thing.
Traci’s Pick: American Hustle

Winner: American Hustle

T: I’m going to be honest with y’all. I liked American Hustle. I did. But did I think it was great? Meh.

M: As I said, I didn’t even realize it was a comedy. I really enjoyed it, but if we’re ranking David O. Russell, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence flicks, it’s got to be Silver Linings Playbook.

M: Tina Fey:  LIKE A SUPERMODEL’S VAGINA, LET’S ALL GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO LEONARDO DICAPRIO. [Then the censors had a tizzy and made the show silent for about 3 seconds. Suck it, NBC.]

T: Me, reacting to that Leo/supermodel zing:

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Sandra Bullock, Gravity

Judi Dench, Philomena

Emma Thompson, Saving Mr Banks

Kate Winslet, Labor Day

Molly’s pick: Kate Winslet??? Or statistically, probably an established, well-respected British dramatic actress?

Traci’s pick: Sandra Bullock – but my heart lies with Kate. Forever.

Winner: Cate Blanchett

My heart got all tingly when he said Kate’s name… and again when he said ‘CATE’… Blanchett. What a tease.

M: Me too! Is it just me, or did he say it with a special fondness (for Winslet) but just kind of normal (for Blanchett)?

T: Oh he DEFINITELY did. It was like, you guys know who I really want to name the winner, wink wink. #JackAndRoseForever

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave

Idris Elba, Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom

Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips

Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Robert Redford, All Is Lost

Molly’s pick: Chiwetel Ejiofor, because he was incredible and because I haven’t seen any of those other movies yet.

Traci’s Pick: Super tough category and I haven’t seen any of these films. I’m thinking Chiwetel Ejiofor, but the HFPA might go with a classic like Tom or Robert. So I’ll say my official answer is Matthew McConaughey.

Winner: Matthew McConaughey

T: Alright Alright Alright. Looks like my (nonsense) theory worked.

M: No. – Me, out loud, when Matt McC literally SAYS “alright alright alright.” And I wouldn’t doubt that theory, Traci. I’m using that for the Oscars.

T: Not related, but I’m obsessed with this gif of Kerry Washington.

M: McConaughey is like an SNL parody of himself. OH MY. Not related at all but did you see the back of Emma Watson’s “dress?”

T: Did anyone else catch that tender moment during the outro of Seth congratulating Amy??? My heart is exploding with happiness for her. STILL!

T: I stand by this statement: I do not get Johnny Depp. I do not think he is hot. Do not get his appeal. Do not get his faux French/British accent.

M: I have a theory that Johnny Depp is permanently stuck in a time warp from about 1995 – 1998. He doesn’t look like he, himself did during that time, but he always looks like a guy you’d see in 1997.

Best Motion Picture, Drama

12 YEARS A SLAVE

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

GRAVITY

PHILOMENA

RUSH

Molly’s Pick: 12 Years a Slave

Traci’s Pick: 12 Years a Slave

Winner: 12 Years a Slave

T: I love that half the ballroom is standing up for them. TBH, I haven’t seen this movie. Oops. It’s on my list. don’t worry. He just called Sarah Paulson the Bette Davis of America. Yes.

M: I mean as long as you see it before the Oscars you’re good. Sarah Paulson looks like Galinda?

T: Well, folks, and like that another Golden Globes is over. Let it be known that this show should have just been called the 71st Annual Lee Daniels’ Tina Fey Holy Crap Amy Poehler and Andy Samberg Won Awards Awards.

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Related articles

• What to Expect at the Golden Globes
• Best of C+S 2013: The Greatness That is Amy Poehler