GOOOOAALLLL!! Ranking The Best World Cup Songs

THE 2014 WORLD CUP STARTS TODAY Y’ALL!!!!!!!

Alright, in all honesty, I’m sorry if those caps lock letters (and the gif of Ross hyping himself up to play RUGBY) misled you  – I actually don’t care about the World Cup. I’m not into soccer, and I didn’t realize it was a huge deal and, like, the soccer Olympics until 2010 when I was fairly new to Los Angeles and everyone was super into it. Sports have just never been my main jam, okay?

You know what is my jam? Music by artists I recognize. Every year, there’s an official championship theme song used during the course of the World Cup and in ads to promote it. While some are less than inspirational, there are a number that have perfectly captured the spirit of the games. After listening to all the songs, I’ve compiled a list of the best songs since its inception in 1962.

A few notes: I only chose songs that were official World Cup anthems (with one exception) and again, since I have never had interest in the World Cup, I am basing my ranking on hearing these tracks for the first time (with two exceptions), and going with my gut Olivia Pope style, so clearly this list is purely subjective.

8) Anthem by Vangelis

{South Korea & Japan 2002}

I appreciate that this is just a pure dance track with no inspirational lyrics at all, going against all the previous songs, which you know, have lyrics. At least it goes well with the montage in this video.

7) El Rock del Mundial by Los Ramblers

{Chile 1962}

There’s something to be said about a song that captures not only the spirit of the World Cup but the time period as well. There’s no doubt that this song was made in 1962 – it’s like listening to a time capsule. I’m not a hardcore audiophile, so I don’t think I’ve ever heard 60s rock and roll music that wasn’t in English – and for 2 minutes and 47 seconds, I felt like I was transported to Chile and living in a black and white world.

6) Futbol by Maryla Rodowicz

{Germany 1974}

Although the World Cup was in Germany, this song is in Polish, and I can’t get over how wonderfully disco and corny it is. Literally the chorus is “Futbol, futbol, futbol”. I mean, at least this chick is on message – and SUPER passionate about it.

5) Gloryland by Daryl Hall, Sounds of Blackness

{USA 1994}

Daryl Hall. Of Hall & Oates. This song screams America – which kind of defeats the purpose of being all “the world is gathering in one place in the spirit of good sportsmanship”, but whatever. Daryl Hall’s voice has a quality about it that makes me believe whatever he is selling. As in, he could be singing Maneater and I’m all, ‘YEAH THAT BITCH IS DEFINITELY CRAY’ and with Gloryland, he’s singing ‘Believe in what you do/and you’ll go straight to see it through/on the road to Gloryland’ and I’m all ‘I CAN ACHIEVE ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS, DARYL HALL! I’M ON MY WAY TO GLORYLAND!’ I buy it.

4) Un Estate Italiana by Gianna Nannini & Edoardo Bennato

{Italy 1990}

Speaking of passion, these Italian dudes definitely have it. We all know that everyone in Europe and Latin America are super hardcore about ‘football’ and these singers are showing their love for the sport in this track. Plus, it just sounds better when you sing in Italian, “magic nights following a goal under the sky of an Italian summer”. Even Daryl Hall couldn’t pull that off without sounding like a pretentious dillweed.

3) Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) by Shakira, featuring Freshly Ground

{South Africa 2010}

I feel like Shakira was put on this planet to record the official song for the World Cup. It just first her, you know?

2) Wavin’ Flag by K’naan feat. David Bisbal

{South Africa 2010}

Okay, so this song wasn’t the official track for South Africa that year – Shakira took that title. But K’naan – a Somalia-born Canadian – wrote this song inspired by the stories of refugees, and that theme of not giving up, both in the face of adversity and as simple as losing a soccer match, is what makes this song perfect for the World Cup.

1) The Cup of Life by Ricky Martin

{France 1998}

Like many people who tuned into the 1999 Grammy Awards, I distinctly remember watching Ricky Martin perform this, and that’s when my crush formed for this Latin heartthrob. It’s everything that a sports anthem should be – upbeat, catchy, celebratory, and include lyrics that everyone can remember and sing along to. It’s hard not to feel pumped up for a game – or for anything in life for that matter – when hearing this song.

Camp Cookies + Sangria: Field Trip to Austin, Texas

Last week, we introduced you to our new summer series, Camp Cookies + Sangria, which will give all those adults who are jonesing for a fix of that magic that is summer camp, whether you went as a kid or not. Today, we’re taking a field trip down south to Austin, Texas, so get your cowboy boots and be prepared for a lot of “y’alls” as we venture out of the camp walls to the “weirdest” city in the Lone Star state.

Over the weekend, I went to Austin to attend the ATX Television Festival – think of it as a way smaller version of Comic Con but specifically for TV nerds, less lines, and more humidity and BBQ. This was my second year attending the fest (which I strongly recommend to all TV fans), but last year I didn’t get to do as much wandering about the city as I wanted to. This year, my friend came with a list of suggestions from locals and let me tell you – the entire weekend, we (modestly) kept saying we were KILLING IT in Texas, because we got so much done in a small amount of time, but everything we did was spot on. Here are some of a few items on our itinerary, for your own field trip to Austin!

To Do

Texas State Capitol

{1100 Congress Avenue}

Even if you’re not into going to visit historical places, the building itself is gorgeous. It’s located in Downtown Austin, and takes over a massive 51 acres. You can go in and look around for free, and there are even tours to learn about the history of the building, and you know, Texas.

Alamo Drafthouse

{320 East 6th Street}

The ATX Fest has screenings at this awesome movie theater which also serves as a bar/restaurant. You can order food and drinks directly to your seat, and not just popcorn. I’m talking like burgs and beer. I’ve never been for a regular movie, but they also have cool events like sing-a-longs and showings of older movies, which sounds awesome.

South Congress Bridge Bats

{100 South Congress Avenue}

Listen, I’m not usually one with nature. But if there’s something that’s super unique to a city, I am into it. The city itself is the spring and summer home to about 750,000 bats – with up to 1.5 million at the peak of the season, making it the largest bat colony in North America. WUT. Well in the summer around sunset, the bats come out from their homes underneath the bridge to search for food (bugs) and they come out like a freaking black tunnel of rabies. When my friend and I went, we kind of stumbled upon it and did not come prepared – as in bring bug spray because those little shits are everywhere. You can stand by the bank of the Colorado River or on the bridge itself to view the bats, or even go to a nearby restaurant or bat cruise. And if you’re lucky (we weren’t) you’ll see something akin to this:

Good lord.

Hope Outdoor Gallery

{1008 Baylor Street}

Austin is known for being the cultural capital of the state, with large music, theater, film and art scenes. The latter of which is awesomely display at the Hope Outdoor Gallery, which is basically an abandoned cement construction site which graffiti artists use as their canvas. It’s legit one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and we even got to witness one artist at work! Definitely a must-see if you’re into checking out something off the beaten path.

Austin Live Music

{all over Austin!}

With annual events like South by Southwest and Austin City Limits, the city’s music reputation precedes it. You’re not doing Austin right if you don’t check out at least one live music show. One day, I was walking down one of the main streets with all the bars (7th Street), and all you could hear was the cacophony of live bands playing from every direction. It was amazing. You can simply stumble into a bar and take in a show, or find out more into your personal interests. We used this site, AustinLiveMusic.com, to see what was going on, and we found a band called Foot Patrol, a local funk group that played Prince’s entire Purple Rain album in honor of his birthday on Saturday. I mean, come on, where else would you be able to go something like that in a place like this:

To Eat

24 Diner

{600 North Lamar}

Besides being the cultural mecca of Texas, Austin is known for its out-of-this-world food. I highly suggest you take a brief pause on whatever diet you’re on when you visit this city (sidenote: I didn’t get to have BBQ on this trip, but I had it last time at the Salt Lick and … drooolll all the meat. Gimme all the meat). 24 Diner was recommended to us by an Uber driver, and we will forever be in his debt. This place is everything you love about all-American diners except without the negative connotations. The decor is like an “upscale” diner, and the chef is a CIA (Culinary Institute of America, not like, Homeland) trained cook, and has taken all the diner faves and kicked it up 10 notches. The cocktails were insane – I had something called Dad’s Cider – idek what was in it but it was good and there was a lot of alcohol. We also had bomb deviled eggs and for the main course – chicken and waffles. A second Uber driver suggested we try it, and our amazingly awesome waitress Jayme supported the decision. Actually, not only did she support the decision, she showed me how the locals eat it – drizzle Cholula hot sauce and then their super light and non Aunt Jemima-y syrup on top and it is NEXT LEVEL. I’ve only had chickwaff twice before (and from the same establishment) but I can say this was by far the best chickwaff I’ve ever had in my life. I could not recommend this place more!!

Home Slice Pizza

{1415 South Congress Street}

Let’s be real – pizza in Los Angeles is just not the same as pizza on the east coast. Any transplant can tell you that. So imagine my surprise when I go all the way to Austin to find on point pizza. We ordered the Margherita pizza and I wish computers had smell-o-vision because the basil wafting off this? Oooooo chile. It was thin enough that it didn’t feel like you were eating a loaf of bread and the dough itself was to die. Also check out the back patio – there’s a bar, a ping pong table, and those hanging lights that I love that are apparently everywhere in Austin. Oh and they give out Smarties as an “after-dinner mint”.

Magnolia Cafe

{1920 South Congress Avenue}

Down the street from Home Slice, Magnolia is like the diner version of 24 Diner. As in, it’s a real diner. This place was packed and we had to wait to get a table even at like 10pm on aThursday. But it was totally worth the wait, if only for the queso. Guys. Texas does queso right. The queso from Chilli’s is legit garbage next to this. I mean this queso comes with avocado! And it comes in a huge bowl, so get ready for a huge queso brick in your stomach afterwards. Worth it.

The Hideout

{617 Congress Avenue}

I came across The Hideout while I was wandering around for 30 minutes in between panels during the festival, and it was a such a great find on my part (again, very humble). The outside is very inconspicuous, as it’s just wood paneling, glass windows, and just a chalk board luring you in with drinks and breakfast tacos. Now I love a good coffee shop, and this place became my go-to over the weekend. The coffee is fantastic and even their pressed sandwiches are delish. They also serve alcohol, which is awesome but it was too early for me to be drinking anything other than coffee. Apparently it’s also a theater towards the back of the building, so that’s cool. The only weird thing was that they were playing weird music both times I was there – including something that sounded like the Sci-Fi ringtone on iPhones.

To Drink

Garage

{503 W Colorado Street}

STEFON VOICE: THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING – A flashing neon light sign signifying where you enter, egg whites in drinks and cars passing by the window since you’re in an actual parking garage. We definitely felt not cool enough to be at this bar, but the kissing couple sitting next to us was high as a kite, so we felt better about ourselves. The cocktails are a little bit on the more expensive side ($8 to $15) but tasty and worth every dollar. I just want to know how the owner came up with putting a bar in a fully functioning parking garage.

Key Bar

{617 West 6th Street}

Going back to our fave 24 Diner and our girl Jayme the waitress, she gave us so many suggestions for bars in the area, and Key Bar was one of them. The sign is a little inconspicuous, it’s basically a picture of an old key, so just look for that. It’s mostly an open air bar, and there are even fire pits, I’m assuming they turn on when it’s a little cooler than the hot days of June. The most unique thing on their menu are the shakers, which is basically a shaker of alcohol, and you’re given a glass with a popsicle of your choice and you pour the alc into the glass, so when the popsicle melts, the drink becomes the flavor flav of the popsicle. The one I procured was the All Good, which comes with a raspberry/mint popsicle and it was really tasty and refreshing. It was also a great place for people watching, and we made a drinking game by taking a sip anytime a Prius drove by (didn’t end up drinking a lot with that game).

Random Suggestions

Food Trailers: In L.A., we have a shit ton of food trucks (as our friend Eva used to work on one), but in Austin, it’s all about food trailers. They’re everywhere downtown, some are mobile, some are not, but they usually set up shop and have seating outside, like this fried chicken place on South Congress. Again with the lights! Obsessed.

Heat: Y’all – the heat in Texas is NO JOKE. Coming from a California resident, I’ve never encountered this kind of heat. Or rather, the humidity. I can sort of handle Vegas at 110 degrees, but Austin at 95 degrees is horrible – you walk 2 blocks and you’re already doused in sweat. So in saying this, plan your days carefully. No one’s judging if you take a little siesta in the middle of the day before you go out at night.

Mecca for Friday Night Lights fans : Last year, we embarked on our own FNL tour of faux Dillon, which was actually all shot in Austin. If you love Coach, Mrs. Coach, Riggins, and/or have a penchant for blocking season two out of your brain, here’s my guide to visiting the home of the Panthers. Lions.

TV Nerds Unite: Okay, one last plug for the ATX TV Festival – if you have a hard time keeping track of all your shows, ship at least one fictional couple or like hearing behind the scenes stories from cast and crew members of your favorite shows, this fest is for you. Over the course of a weekend, celebs gather in Austin to talk about their shows and meet fans. There are past shows (Hey Dude reunion), current shows (Orange is the New Black) and upcoming shows (that scary ass show The Strain) featured, and there are also panels with some of TV’s most influential people talking about their craft in a non-douchey way.

Alright, campers, hope this is a handy guide on your own field trip to Austin. Enjoy, y’all!

Highs And Lows: The 2014 Tony Awards

As we discovered last year, even hardcore theater lovers have to admit that not every Tony Awards moment can be the best. The 2014 awards were no exception. There were some great moments, some so-so ones, and that weird period where Hugh Jackman hopped around tracked by a steadicam. Whether you watched as a theater nerd or as a confused CBS viewer who just wanted The Good Wife, I think you’ll agree that the awards were a mixed bag. On to the highs and lows!

Low, like literally vacillating between 0 and 5 inches off the ground: Hugh Jackman, hopping for the entire opening sequence

At first I thought this was a reference to something … theatre-y, or Australian, or pop cultural that I didn’t know about. But according to Twitter, if there was a reference, nobody got it. Is hopping something that’s happening? The new parkour?

Middle, like a food that is neither sweet nor sour nor delicious nor necessarily awful (eg, Musical Soylent): The Les Mis number

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_FV_YovAOo

Man, we do like Les Mis (I mean, we liveblogged the movie), but this was just dull. I spent the whole of the number contemplating whether to eat this mini Twix bar I found outside earlier today. I didn’t, because while my standards are low enough to bring garbage candy inside from the ground, they are higher than eating candy that, I reasoned, could have been peed on. Like, that life decision was more interesting to me than watching Les Mis.

Lower, like I guess my expectations should have been: Aladdin: The Musical

I love Disney, musicals, and – I’ll admit it – musicals based on Disney films. So why did that Aladdin number do absolutely nothing for me? One of my earliest theater memories is going to Cats with my family and my dad, during intermission, asking with incredulity: “I don’t get it, is this supposed to mean something?” Exactly, dad. Exactly.

[Evidently my dad thought that Cats was so stupid that he assumed that it must have been existing at a deeper level for so many people to like it. Like, We are all Cats. Or something.]

Higher than most people can sustain for a comfortable amount of time, like that high note at the end: Idina Menzel singing Always Starting Over

This lady is always a pro. Also, it feels like a true honor and privilege to hear her singing something –  anything – other than Let It Go.

Seems like it should be super high but actually isn’t, like when you get up close to Cinderella’s Castle at Disney: Rocky: The Musical

Movies can make great musicals, and over-the-top technological feats can spice up a show – part of me is still the 9-year-old who was blown away by the crashing chandelier in Phantom Of The Opera and the helicopter in Miss Saigon. Yet, the high-tech snippet of Rocky left me a little cold.

Way, way up high, like when I was watching this and my heart felt like it was being elevated by the fluttering wings of butterflies: Pinkham Bryce’s performance in A Gentleman’s Guide To Love And Murder

I think I get frustrated with some shows that seem like they’re catering to the least common denominator. That’s why it’s so refreshing when a show is actually clever. And Pinkham Bryce, well … he’s sort of easy on the eyes, isn’t he?

Soaring high, like an eagle: Audra McDonald’s historic Tony win

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKqVIURYZqs

Who needs to EGOT when you can just collect ALLLL the Tonys instead? Audra McDonald is a true living legend and a class act, and it doesn’t even get old seeing her win. Although, I’m sure there’s a reason this wasn’t classified as a ‘musical’ but I’m not positive of what it is.

Soaring high, like a bird that flies in a more fun way than an eagle does, maybe a pelican or something: The Hedwig And The Angry Inch performance

Okay, while I love smart musicals, there’s something awesome about shows that are just a lot of FUN. The actors and crowd alike were having an absolute blast during this number, and ultimately that’s what theater is all about. I mean it’s also about expressing the human experience, but sometimes the human experience is fun, okay? Also, bonus cameo by NPH’s adorable husband David Burtka.

Just sort of flitting along, like a bird that doesn’t really go up quite that high – perhaps a baby sparrow or a hummingbird: The Commercials

CBS really out-CBS-ed itself. Is it just me or was ad for Old People Medicines, insurance, and cat food?

High, like a person on meth, I guess?: Bryan Cranston’s win

We ragged on Cranston’s sub-par headshot on the Tony website = not exactly “Faces Of Meth” level, but just not trying. But clearly, he didn’t need to try too hard. The Tony was already in the bag.

 Higher than I would have thought, like my cholesterol even though I’m a vegetarian who works out, I mean what the hell: Violet

If the wedding episode of Full House taught us one thing, it’s that incorporating a robed gospel choir can only make things more spectacular. And Sutton Foster – Jo March of my heart – is always a great fit for those “small town girl makes good” roles.

Lower than I would have thought, like the depressed spirits of so many Irishmen: Sting

He looked and sounded completely like someone that my uncles would hang out with at the Ancient Order Of Hibernians. Not sure if he’s playing an Irish character or just, you know, a sad guy.

Mid-range, like the kind of blah clothes that end up in the ‘donate’ pile when you pare down your wardrobe : For Good

The only thing that a 10 year anniversary of Wicked accomplishes is reminding me that 10 years passed in the blink of an eye. I would not have the mental fortitude to sing Elphaba in front of Idina Menzel herself, and frankly, I don’t think the actress last night did, either. The blending was so-so, both vocally and on Galinda’s wig cap, which covered half of her forehead. Does she have a giant, weird hairline? A facial tattoo? WHY?

Low, like the droopy flopped arms of a white person standing around not knowing how to dance: LL Cool J and TI doing that Music Man thing

They rapped about the Music Man. They told the crowd to get on their feet. The crowd obeyed. Then they all stood there, self-consciously unsure of what to do with their arms. I know the feeling.

High, like the pitch of the audible gasp I let out: Carole King’s appearance during the Beautiful performance

I knew King was there, obviously. I knew Beautiful was performing, of course. But it somehow never occurred to me that Carole King would sing with them. If this made Jessie Mueller nervous as hell, as it would for most humans, she didn’t let on.

Low, like the pit deep in my stomach: Bullets Over Broadway and the reawakening of latent Woody Allen feelings

You know, when all this Woody Allen stuff came back up, I thought “man, it would make it easier if someone would just tell me the proper way to react to this.” Then everyone DID tell everyone else the proper way to react. And it didn’t particularly help. Anyway. Catchy song, right?

Low, like something that just draaaags on and on, like maybe something hanging from the fender of a car: Hugh Jackman’s song before the Best Actress In A Musical award

It was 10:50 pm. Yet, an 11 o’clock number, it was not.

Low, like my glasses would be, on the bridge of my nose, in disapproval, like a librarian from yesteryear: Finding Neverland

I liked Finding Neverland The Movie. I already hate Finding Neverland The Musical That Doesn’t Exist Yet But Is Somehow Performing At The Tony’s. The former was charming, the latter involved Jennifer Hudson in a modern, sequined dress wailing about Neverland as small Edwardian boys jump on a bed and a female, Ginnifer Goodwin-y Peter Pan flitted around.

Life Lessons From The Fault in Our Stars: C+S Book Club

Hey C+S Book Club-ers! Last time we visited Harriet the Spy, and since we’re ladies in our *late 20s*, our next choice is obviously a little more mature than a kid spy. This time it’s about teenagers.

By now, most of you have heard about or read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, a young adult novel about two teens, Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters who meet and fall in love. Oh and they both have cancer. I remember reading this for back when it first came out and appropriately crying harder than I have ever cried before. Legit had to stop reading it for a few days because it made me that sad. Now that the movie is coming out today, I can only imagine how that feeling will be magnified thousands of times more once I see it with my eyes. But essentially, TFiOS isn’t supposed to be a sad story, it’s supposed to be a celebration of life, no matter how long or short it is. So with that, here are just a few of the life lessons I gleaned from reading this book – **spoilers ahead** (but you should really read this book and see the movie anyways).

You can’t escape the hurdles

“I wondered if hurdlers ever thought, ‘This would go faster if we just got rid of the hurdles.'”

Hazel & Augustus initially meet in a cancer support group for teens, so a lot of the folks we encounter in the book (save for the parents and hospital staff) have been dealt a rather bad card of hands when it comes to overcoming difficulties in life. But it’s there in front of them, and the only thing to do is try to clear it and get to the next problem. We may face hardships in our life, but we can’t just give up. What would become of us if we didn’t have hardships or hurdles to get over and improve our lives (hopefully) for the better? The things that try to bring us down in the past only make us stronger. And then we can look back and see just what we’ve gone through.

Pain demands to be felt

“That’s the thing about pain – it demands to be felt”

Pain wouldn’t be pain if we didn’t at least feel something when we get hurt. You can’t go on avoiding something that you know is going to hurt you because you don’t want to feel it. If you do, it’s going to get worse and worse, so it’s better to just let it all out. In TFiOS, Augustus’ BFF Isaac has eye cancer, and subsequently has to undergo surgery which leaves him blind. During this time, his girlfriend breaks up with him, and he has so much rage that he just needs to let it all out. Augustus lets Isaac demolish his old basketball trophies in his basement, as if it’s no big deal. Why? Because Isaac needed to let it out. There’s no use of keeping that anger and frustration in. And while it might be gut-wrenching as it happens, that pain needs to be felt – or it will never go away.

Time isn’t good to anyone

“What a slut time is. She screws everybody.”

I can’t tell you how many times over the past few days I’ve said, “HOW IS IT JUNE ALREADY?!?” When we want time to speed up, it seems to slow down. When we want it to slow down, it’s like it’s gone in seconds. Luckily, everyone is a victim of time’s bitter kiss. Both Hazel and Augustus know they don’t have very good chances of staying alive forever, so it’s even more frustrating that they fall in love knowing this devastating fact. But the most they – and we – can do is make the most of our time, and not waste it on things we will regret doing.

Dare to be fearless

“Our fearlessness shall be our secret weapon.”

It’s easier said than done, but a problem I think a lot of people have is not being afraid to jump in and do something out of your comfort zone, no matter the outcome. We worry too much about what’s going to happen next that we don’t think about how great it could be if we even try. For the longest time, Hazel put her feelings about Augustus to the side, and refused to let their friendship turn romantic, as she called herself a “grenade”, ready to explode at any second. She finally put that fear aside and let her guard down, only to experience one of the greatest loves of her life.

Your true self is revealed in the darkest of times

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

Like 9/11 or the Boston Marathon, there were the people who ran away from the explosions, then there were the first responders who initial reaction was to run towards the problem to see who they could help. That first gut reaction of how you respond to something tragic and life-changing tells a lot about you as a person. You can either give up, not face the “hurdles”, or you can be strong, live a life – live a better life knowing that whatever caused you grief in the first place has since given you reason to become a better person. When Hazel and Augustus visit the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, Hazel takes note that Anne’s father, Otto, was the only one out of their family to survive the Holocaust. She says, “I thought about Otto Frank not being a father anymore, left with a diary instead of a wife and two daughters.” Otto eventually decided to publish that diary, and of course it went on to become on of the most revered and studied books from the war. Otto didn’t give up when he was left alone – he preserved their legacy.

You can’t always get what you want

“The world is not a wish granting factory.”

“Cancer perks” are what Hazel and Augustus call the things they’ve received in sympathy for their struggles with cancer, you know the Make-a-Wish type things. Throughout the book, they make it clear that their sickness is not what defines them, it’s just something they have to live with, therefore the cancer perks, while usually cool, ultimately doesn’t give them what they really want. If you do want something, you have to work for it, and if you don’t get it – you don’t get it. Not everything is going to work out in your favor, but the most we can do is try.

A life is still important, no matter how long or how short

“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

Probably one of the most quoted excerpts from the book, this line really sums up the entire story of Hazel and Augustus. Towards the end of the book (again, spoiler alert, I’ve warned you twice!) Augustus dies, another teenager succumbing to that bitch called cancer. While his life may have been short compared to you know, people who live to be 100, he still lived a significant life. The point of the book isn’t to feel sorry for Hazel and Gus, it’s to remind us that a life, no matter how long, or how short, can still make a profound impact on those around you, but it’s our choice  as to how we decide to live it.

2014 Tony Award Winner Predictions (Based Solely On Headshots)

The all-powerful headshot can make or break an acting career. You thought it was talent, hard work, and luck? So did I – until I was 12. That was the year that all of my acting friends got the secret memo to wear makeup and flat-iron their hair before updating their photos. They all looked like they walked out of Seventeen magazine, whereas I looked like.. well, like:

Yep, that’s the headshot of someone who’s going to be stuck in child roles for a good while. The only way I would be playing a girl next door is if the main character happens to lives next door to a Victorian orphanage. So trust me, headshots matter. That’s why I’m pretty confident that the key to this year’s Tony wins is in the almighty 5×7. To be as impartial as possible, we are judging this year’s winners solely by the headshots available on the official Tony Awards website.

Best Performance By A Leading Actor In A Play

Samuel Barnett – Twelfth Night

Okay, the dabbled gray background is a little school portrait. But the icy blue, straight on stare says “I can play dramatic roles!” and the slight smirk says “but if the dialog gets a little funny, I’m on top of it!” The bright flash highlights Barnett’s pale complexion, as if to say “I can play British.”

Bryan Cranston – All The Way

The fuck, Cranston? No. NO. You’re like that one kid whose parents didn’t properly understand sending in a baby picture for that one section of your senior yearbook, and sent one from freshman year instead. You are the default silhouette picture from Myspace. Even Tom doesn’t want to be friends with that.

Remember Tom, everyone?

Chris O’Dowd – Of Mice And Men

Well as I live and breathe. Chris O’Dowd has out-Cranstoned Cranston. There are actual people in the actual background, and you know what? Blurring them out by enlarging the “blemish remover” function on iPhoto is just making me notice it more. Good luck winning a Tony with this Photobucket-quality headshot, buddy. Good freaking luck.

On the other hand, maybe this is clever. Maybe it tells us that he is too busy for headshots — busy going to events where he, and blurry others, wear suits.

Mark Rylance – Richard III

White sheet backdrop aside, this is art. ART. The lowered left eyebrow. The tremulous sidelong glance. The windswept locks. His mouth is even ever-so-slightly agape. It is like everything that Jay Manuel and Janice Dickinson told contestants to do on the early seasons of America’s Next Top Model, except for posing with limbs askew and pretending to have been murdered. I think we might have our winner. And that earring? That’s just boss.

Tony Shaloub – Act One

Like, is this photo editing, or does he have a legitimage twinkle in both eyes? Speaking of Tyra Banks: smizing. Notice how you sort of feel like Tony Shaloub has read the story of your soul, and would recommend it to a friend? It’s all in the smize.
The winner, based on headshot alone: Mark Rylance. That headshot has RANGE.

 

Best Performance By An Actress In A Leading Role In A Play

Tyne Daly – Mothers And Sons

Okay, now we’re cooking with gas. There’s a neutral but varied background. There’s warm, soft lighting. You know what this looks like? This looks like a headshot where the actress is at least TRYING. See the Shaloub-esque half smile?
Also, I think that, as in paintings by Renaissance masters, if you look at this from different points in the room, Daly’s eyes follow you.
Her face is so captivating that I almost didn’t notice that this photo almost reaches a Glamour Shot-caliber boob suggestion. Glamour Shots: Not the boob itself, but the idea of the boob.

LaTanya Richardson Jackson

FINALLY. Now it’s a contest. Look at this. It’s like Headshot Bingo. Or a headshot drinking game. Let’s count:
(1) Flowy wrap sweater
(2) Gently contrasting background
(3) Statement necklace
(4) HAND SHELF.
It’s like every headshot cliche in one photo. Ms Jackson, I salute you. Question, though: what is up with the curled-up, partially visible left hand?

Cherry Jones – The Glass Menagerie

I’m of two minds here. The first: the blurred background is, well… have we learned nothing from O’Dowd? It looks like Jones is in some sort of outdoor patio or porch situation, which is at least pleasant. Contrast that with O’Dowd, who is in some sort of formalwear context that is almost definitely not fun.
The second: Does she have the headshot smile down or what? Happy but not too happy. Warm without a photoshopped eye twinkle (unless that’s how Shaloub’s eyes are naturally, which… maybe, you know? Maybe.)

Audra MacDonald – Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar And Grill

Even if I didn’t know who Audra McDonald was, which I guess I’m trying to do here, I’d know this was the photo of a champion. That is the cozy sweater of someone who can play a mom or a business professional on a day off. Her hair is glorious. The background is neutral but, with the hint of light oak chair, not antiseptic. There’s gentle accessorizing. There’s nail polish. There’s attractive lighting, like in Barbara Walters specials.
Brava, Ms. McDonald.

Estelle Parsons

While I don’t deny that Estelle Parsons is probably a lovely person and a wonderful actress, this is simply not a Tony Award Winning headshot. That is the downward facing chin of a nominee, not the proud, upright chin of a winner!

Besides, it took me about 3 minutes to figure out that was a scarf tucked into her sweater and not some really weird collar or even weirder neck/chin situation. Tony voters don’t have time for that.
The Winner, Based On Headshot Alone: Audra. That’s the headshot of a lady who came to win.

 

Best Performance By A Lead Actor In A Musical

Now, for a little bit of the ‘man behind the curtain’ in the blogging world: my browser is doing something it’s never done before, and making text and photos appear straight on top of each other, and my curser is moving around will-nilly. So let’s just cut straight to the winner, shall we?
Winner, based on headshot alone:

Neil Patrick Harris, Hedwig And The Angry Inch

 

This was a process of elimination win. Ramin Karimloo looked a little too ‘intentionally disheveled hot guy.’ Andy Karl was posed in front of some sort of industrial piping, which, like, you’re in Rocky. We know. Jefferson Mays looked like he was going to turn me into ice with his crystalline blue stare. Between Bryce Pinkham and Neil Patrick Harris, Harris’s headshot was a little edgier. Pinkham’s, shot in soft light with a white background, seemed to say “I’m here for the art, not to win.”

Best Performance By An Actress In A Leading Role In A Musical

 

Can we discuss these award category names? They are all roughly twice as long as they need to be, right?
The winner, based on headshot alone:

Sutton Foster – Violet

This was another process of elimination. Idina Menzel, bless her talented heart, almost tries TOO hard in her headshot. I’m talking about a wind machine. Jessie Mueller manages to look most like someone I’d want to hang out with in real life – meaning, unlike some theater people, she doesn’t look absolutely exhausting. But she does have the visible, photoshopped background person going on. Kelli O’Hara has so much blinding white light going on that I think she might be the first person I’m seeing after dying.  Mary Bridget Davies brought her A-Game, but Foster’s got the approachable smile down. She was probably smile-coached along with Cherry Jones.

 

So, was my 12-year-old self right? Can you tell a great actor by headshot alone? Tune in to the Tony’s on Sunday night to find out!

Come On and Sit Side by Side by Susan Blackwell

The 68th annual Tony Awards are this Sunday, which for everyone that isn’t a theater nerd like me, it’s basically our Super Bowl. In fact, I used to attend a Tonys party every year with my friends/co-workers from a theatre and it pretty much was our Super Bowl. I admit, I’m not a super geek like some of my pals, but I’m at a level where I watch videos of Broadway stars online in my spare time (or just, time).

A few years ago along my internet travels, I came across this magic web series called Side by Side by Susan Blackwell. Hosted by – you guessed it – Susan Blackwell, an actress who’s been on TV and film, but most notably in the theater world for her outstanding performance in the musical [title of show]. She recruits her fellow Broadway friends for an interview, but not just any interview, it usually takes place in an odd location and includes some kind of fun activity.

My first introduction to Susan was with this interview with Daniel Radcliffe while he was doing How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying in 2011, and he is legit cleaning her house. Yes, Potterheads, in this video, you see DanRad cleaning a toilet. Seriously. If that’s not enough to get you to watch this then IDK what is.

Actually I do. Susan is charming, hilarious, affable, and has a way to get her interviewees to talk about stuff that not many others can. Oh and she licks her guests on the face. The DanRad vid was a gateway drug into her other Side by Side interviews, so here now are some other standout videos from her collection.

Zachary Quinto

Where: Dog Park

Activity: Watching dogs in a dog park

Highlight: A rousing game of ‘Name That Dog’ and Susan ‘smashing ZQ like a pancake’ on a picnic table

Where: ZQ’s apartment

Activity: Having a sleepover

Highlight: Prank calling Jesse Tyler Ferguson & Smash star Christian Borle

Sutton Foster/Jonathan Groff/Laura Benanti

Where: In Bed/A Horse-Drawn Carriage/Hooters

Activity: Breakfast/Cuddling/Eating Wings

Highlight: Sutton lying in bed with her Tony gown and actual Tony/JGroff singing Left Behind from Spring Awakening/Susan handling Laura’s boobs

Jonathan Groff #2

Where: His parents’ farm in rural Pennsylvania (lit’rally Amish country)

Activity: Chillin in a hayloft, petting some horses and goats

Highlight: JGroff singing a part of Totally Fucked (from Spring Awakening) while shaking a bucket of corn kernels to get the goats to eat

Laura Benanti #2

Where: Ziva Meditation

Activity: Being zen on a couch

Highlight: Playing iPhone roulette and landing on a pic of her former Go On (RIP) co-star taking a nap in her own bosoms

Steven Pasquale

Where: Steven’s apartment

Activity: Using a Vitamix to make super healthy green juices

Highlight: Steven prank calling Taye Diggs and leaving a voicemail as Jim Carrey

Audra McDonald

Where: Great Jones Spa

Activity: Getting massages, drinking cucumber water

Highlight: Audra singing a fantastic version of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song

Norbert Leo Butz

Where: Strand Bookstore

Activity: Sitting in the parenting section

Highlight: Flipping through the pages of a book called Surgery of the Anus, Rectum and Colon

Andrew Rannells

Where: McKittrick Hotel

Activity: Playing with a Ouija board

Highlight: Imitating the pageant hosts on Toddlers and Tiaras

 

Educational Shows That Should Get Kickstarted

Last week, one of our Man Crush Monday honorees, LeVar Burton, launched a Kickstarter campaign to bring beloved program Reading Rainbow to classrooms for free and to more platforms than just iPads/tablets, helping kids learn to read and build a love for books. In about 10 hours, the initial goal of $2 million was reached, and almost $3.5 MILLION  has been donated since it launched less than a week ago – and it doesn’t even end until July 2nd.

When Veronica Mars made history last year by raising $2 million in about 10 hours as well, we thought shows like Gilmore Girls and Buffy would be prime candidates for a Kickstarter campaign. Now with Reading Rainbow making strides, I thought about the other educational shows from our childhood that could possibly make a comeback and return to help a whole other generation of kids too. Here are some of my picks, do you have any that you don’t see on the list?

Wishbone

{Ran from 1995 to 1998}

Kids love a talking animal, so when Jack Russell Terrier Wishbone is a sharp-talking pooch, it’s easy to forget that he’s retelling stories from classic literature. Wishbone takes on the role of the titular character in each story as he plays it out in his daydream, while his owner Joe faces some kind of similar situation IRL. If a crowdfunding campaign was launched for the show, maybe the show could just get a revamp and come back to TV. Is there even a show like this on right now? I’ve lost touch with my children’s programming.

Magic School Bus

{Ran from 1994 to 1997}

http://youtu.be/EXBb_2f21lw

So this ‘Inside Ralphie’ episode is, for some reason, the most prominent one stuck in my head, even after all these years. Like, Ms. Frizzle just straight up took the class & their Magic School Bus into his body to figure out why he’s sick. Teacher of the year, y’all. Anyways, I feel like Magic School Bus would be a great app for kids, especially with an episode in this vein (pun intended), where it takes them on a journey into the body.

Bill Nye the Science Guy

{Ran from 1993 to 1998}

http://youtu.be/23qFR1vR7qY

It depresses me that there are probably kids out there who only know Bill Nye from his time on Dancing with the Stars. Who do kids have to look up to in the media now if they want to be scientists? Bill Nye focused on a certain subject in science each episode, and if he successfully funded a Kickstarter campaign, he should bring his science show to schools all over the world, making it one of those interactive assemblies where the students get out of class but are really just going into another one.

Mr. Wizard’s World

{Ran from 1983 to 1990}

http://youtu.be/L-9gDAX1v0A

Please tell me I’m not the only one who remembers this show? I feel like it was part of my morning TV programming, in addition to Saved by the Bell (gotta balance it out). Mr. Wizard’s real name was Don Herbert, and he invited kids to his ‘house’ to show them science experiments and it’s definitely not as creepy as it sounds. Apparently Don died in 2007, but if there’s a Mr. Wizard Jr. out there, a Kickstarter campaign would be a perfect way to maybe fund a web series – or perhaps just find a new Mr. Wizard.

Ghostwriter

{Ran from 1992 to 1995}

Confession: I pretended that Ghostwriter was real and used to write messages to him/her in my composition notebook. Alas, Ghostwriter never came.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a circle of friends who needed to solve mysteries that the real police couldn’t solve. The whole point of the show was to help kids improve their reading and writing skills, and how awesome would this be as an app? Let’s be real – I would totally download it for myself.*

Name Your Adventure

{Ran from 1992 to 1995}

If you watched TNBC on Saturday mornings like I did, you remember this show, which made kids’ dreams come true. I thought Name Your Adventure was like THE show to be on, since you could literally name your adventure, and it would come to fruition. Kids were able to meet the likes of President Bill Clinton, Tori Amos, and in the video above, the late Jonathan Brandis who starred in the show SeaQuest. The girl wanted to become a director or movie something or other, so host Mario Lopez took her to set and let her hang out. How cool is that? This series showed me that anything is possible and there are so many jobs and things to accomplish out in the world, so I can only imagine what this could provide for kids who only know the life inside their little bubbles. Again, with a crowdfunded campaign, a web series would be perfect for this, and maybe Mario Lopez would even come back to host it.

* HOLY CRAP GUYS – APPARENTLY GHOSTWRITER WAS INTENDED TO BE THE GHOST OF A RUNAWAY SLAVE FROM THE CIVIL WAR HELLO