This is Ryan Lochte:
This is also Ryan Lochte:
But if you’ve been paying attention to Olympic swimming since 2008 or watch reality TV or have paid any attention to the news over the past few days, you already know who this is. Ryan’s been embroiled in a bizarre case of “Who’s Telling The Truth”, after he and three other members of the U.S. Olympic swimming team (Jimmy Feigen, Gunnar Bentz and Jack Conger) stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom after a night out. One of them “committed an act of vandalism” and as a result, they got into an argument with two armed gas station security staff who brandished their weapons. They demanded the swimmers to give them money for the repairs of said vandalism, and once they gave them money, they were allowed to leave. In Lochte’s version, says they got held up at gunpoint by men pretending to be Brazilian police. All this in Rio, a city that was already plagued with rumors of its criminal activity.
It’s truly one of the most outrageous stories to ever come out of the Olympics, but in a nutshell, this is what’s happened so far after Ryan came forward with his story:
- Each of the four guys gave their testaments to Rio police, but a Brazilian judge says they gave contradictory reports.
- That same judge ordered Lochte and Feigen to remain in Brazil as authorities continued their investigation. She also ordered a search and seizure warrants for Lochte and Feigen’s passports, but Lochte had already landed on U.S. soil. Feigen is still in Brazil and in touch with local authorities.
- Lochte’s lawyer said he already gave a statement to the police and offered to cooperate, while reps from the U.S. State Department, United States Olympic Committee and the FBI looked on. Shit got real. At the time, they didn’t ask him for more info, and didn’t ask him to stay in Brazil.
- Meanwhile, Bentz and Conger were pulled off their flight in Brazil on Wednesday night & were interviewed by police. Police told media they gave statements denying they were victims of a robbery, and Lochte’s version of the events were not true. They were released and free to go back to the U.S.
- Security footage surfaced showing the men at the gas station
- Both Brazilians and the U.S. swimmers all agree on one thing: a gun was taken out during the incident at the gas station, and money was exchanged.
- While they could face criminal charges, it’s unlikely.
What. Is. Going. On? Who’s telling the truth? Are Lochte and co. victims of attempted robbery, with Rio police trying to save face? Or are the U.S. swimmers swimming in B.S.? As the investigation on #LochteGate continues, another mystery has come to our attention – the fact that maybe, just maybe, we might be semi-attracted to Ryan Lochte? Using evidence gathered throughout the years, we argue the pros and cons, point and counterpoint of why this man could be our favorite male sex symbol at the moment.
Point: I am attracted to Ryan Lochte
Sometimes I think I really missed out on picking up swimming as an extra-curricular.
Counterpoint: I am unattracted to Ryan Lochte
No. No to the grills.
Point: This is Ryan Lochte
Counterpoint: Ryan Lochte caused a diplomatic crisis
Is Sarah Koenig already recording phone calls with Jack Conger in Brazil, or…?
Point: His relationship with Michael Phelps
We just like it when cute boys hold hands, okay? All right, this might be like 70% Phelps that we’re feeling.
Counterpoint: His relationship with his mom.
In 2012, Ryan Lochte’s mom bragged about how many one-night stands he had. There’s also a theory that Ryan’s current snafu (/diplomatic crisis/ waste of government resources) is due to him lying to his ma about what went down during his wild night out. I think we can all agree that those guys whose moms back up their terrible choices well into adulthood are not the ones you should spend your time on.
Point: This smile.
Counterpoint: That hair.
The smile was an accident of birth. The hair was a choice.
Point: Kind of funny, sometimes.
Counterpoint: But like. Not on purpose.
Point: Knows the words to the national anthem?
Counterpoint: Spelled the word scissor “siccor.”
Point: Knowing he could be the man of your dreams
Counterpoint: Knowing he understands (kinda) what dreams are
Point: He has a boylike charm to him
It can be endearing!
Counterpoint: He has a teenage boylike demeanor to him
Ryan Lochte is like that guy in high school that was uber athlete and would want to cheat off your test so he could play in the game/meet that night and is not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Point: He’s an inspiration to young swimmers
In the photo above, Ryan is legit putting the gold medal he won at the World Short Course Swimming Championships in 2012 around the neck of a nine-year-old Turkish fan. Lochte explained that when he was younger, he asked an unnamed Olympian for his autograph, but he said no. Lochte promised to never do that in his career.
Counterpoint: His inspirational quotes aren’t that… inspirational?
I continue to get life from this video.
Point: He’s one of the best swimmers of our time
If you’re one of Michael Phelps’ biggest rivals, you’re pretty good.
4 thoughts on “Point/Counterpoint: I’m Attracted to Ryan Lochte”
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