As much as we talk about 2016 being a dumpster fire of a year, one thing I’ve been struck by as we’ve looked over our old posts is how much simpler the news cycle was before the last few months of the year. Like, remember that guy who wrote an ill-advised guide on how to talk to a girl who is wearing headphones? And then we all had to be like “buddy, no. That is WHY we are wearing the headphones?” We decided to flip his advice column on its head and write a guide to how to talk to a man who is talking to you when you are wearing headphones:
Hey gals! How’s it going? Anyone commute on public transit today? Me too! When I’m on a bus or train I enjoy avoiding eye contact, reading books, looking out the window so I get out at the right location, and wearing decoy headphones so that men don’t talk to me.
It doesn’t work very well!
When men interrupt my reading and music, my favorite responses are terse and monosyllabic. However, I get a bit more effusive and a lot more fake laugh-y when a man gets grouchy that I’m not paying attention to him. We laugh and we laugh! Oh, it’s a hoot. I do it because I’m scared, a little! I also enjoy pointing to my headphones and shrugging. Girls just want to have fun, am I right? When a bus man has proven himself particularly sketchy, I’ve even altered my commute time a bit so we don’t run into each other. Keeps me on my toes! Besides, experts say that changing your routine now and then helps prevent Alzheimers, right?
That was a joke. Women don’t get old. Gross!
But ladies, I have some bad news for you. WE’VE BEEN FOUND OUT. In a recent article, a pickup artist – or artiste, truly – has created a handy guide on talking to women who are wearing headphones. The jig is up. Men have learned that we can still speak when our ears are covered. It’s time to change tactics. Here are a few tips and tricks to live your best life while wearing headphones AND talking to a fella who demands to be acknowledged:
A million dating guides and networking seminars can’t be wrong: people love to talk, especially about themselves. All you really have to do when a man talks to you when you are wearing headphones is look at him, occasionally nod or make a listening-y facial expression, and keep your music on. This is also the best way to have someone fall in love with you according to The Little Mermaid, one of my top 5 Disney movies.
Sometimes if you are wearing headphones and not talking to men, they get scared that you could have died or fallen asleep by accident. You can let them know you’re okay by making a lot of eye contact with them. It would be nice to make your eyes look really big. Big eyes are prettier since they remind people of babies, the most attractive form of humans. This is according to science. If you have small eyes that’s fine, someone might still love you.
See the rest of the post here.