Summer Memes Make Me Feel Fine: Louis TomlinSON

Last week, the One Direction fandom was hit another harsh blow in 2015, with a report that Louis Tomlinson and his ex (?) girlfriend (?) Briana Jungwirth are gearing up to be parents. That’s right, a 23-year-old boy bander might be reproducing with a 23-year-old American stylist who he didn’t really date for a long time.

Neither Louis or Briana nor the 1D camp has confirmed the reports, so who the hell knows what’s happening. What we DO know is that Briana, also 23, is from LA and one of the rumored flings Louis’ had since breaking up with his longtime girlfriend Eleanor Calder. We also know that Briana has no trace of a life on social media, which is probs the best strategy she can have whether or not the preggo rumor is true.

^^THAT POST IS FROM 2012. HE HASN’T CONFIRMED SHIT^^

Back in my hardcore fangirl days, we didn’t really have the Internet when some big scandal like this broke out. I mean the internet existed, but obviously not to the same degree of fervor it’s at now. When AJ went into rehab in 2001, I had TRL, Backstreet.net and my own tears. Now, 1D fans have Twitter and Tumblr and Instagram, etc. etc. to dish out their feelings.

And boy, did they dish out their feelings. In this installment of Summer Memes, we’re looking at the deep, somewhat frightening world of the 1D fandom, and for better or worse, their reactions to Louis possibly becoming a dad, mere months after Zayn left the group. Hold on to your knickers kids, it’s gonna be a wild one.

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt…

Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?

i think they r dead

No chill zone

Zayn’s Fault

LARRY IS CANON

*Larry isn’t the name of another mystery member of the group. Larry is the ship name for Louis + Harry, since many Directioners believe Louis and Harry are secret boyfriends. It’s a thing that’s been going on since the early days of 1D, and when the pregnancy rumor came out, Larry Shippers went wild:

The truth is out there

Over it

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Battle of the Boy Bands: 90s vs. Now

I’d like to consider myself a connoisseur of boy bands. While the height of my knowledge was reached somewhere between the years of 1998-2004, I’ve tried to keep abreast of the young artists these days and their teenybopper fans.

As a self-professed Backstreet Boys fan, I know what it’s like first hand to be in the ‘fandom’, and in just 10 years, the way boy bands and fans themselves has changed drastically. While at their core, boy bands in 2013 still aim to titilate tweens the same way they did in 2003, here are some main differences between the fans of today and the fans of yore. Also, it’s a handy guide to feel old/in the know when you talk to someone under the age of 18.

Fashion

One thing that has stayed the same throughout the years is a group’s stylist’s need to coordinate every member’s outfit with the others. For some reason, in the 90s, this meant getting the absolute most ridiculous clothes and fabrics and forcing the guys to wear them in photo shoots. Bless.

Then

You know what’s tearin’ up my heart? The fact that *Nsync is wear short sleeved lycra shirts and no one questioned Lance Bass’ sexuality from this picture alone.

“Hey girl. We know the way to your heart. Hockey. And just to cover our bases, we’re reppin five different teams. Quack Quack, baby.”

The only thing that could make this more 90s is if 98 Degrees was covered in slime. Matching red jumpsuits, sitting on a big orange couch at Nickelodeon’s The Big Help? I can smell the gak now…

Now

These days, boy bands stray away from the themed photo shoots, and go for more of a coordinated look, like One Direction.

The Wanted’s jacket, jeans, sneaks look is so much better than the lycra shirts.

By boy band rules, the Jonas Brothers are technically just a band of boys, but they’ll suffice for this post.

Girlfriends/Love Lives

Then

With the exception of this epic couple, boy band members in the 90s had to hide their relationships. Britney + Justin were the exception because they were perfect and then B had to go and ruin it with her cheating. Oh what could have been. ~*NVR 4GET*~

“When they first started out, “Managers were like, ‘Everybody’s single,'” recalls Brian Littrell. Adds Richardson’s wife Kristin: “I had to say I was his sister!” – People Magazine Interview September 2013 (Please note the source of this picture – the Angelfire page is STILL UP.)

Now

While there are still jealous girls out there screaming ‘OMFG ZAYN AND PERRIE ARE ENGAGED MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY OVER’, I feel like there is a large majority that are “Zerrie shippers” and appreciate the 1D and Little Mix members’ love like we did with Britney and Justin.

IDK if it’s because Kevin is the least adored Jo Bro, but it seems like every fan was on board with his relationship with Danielle since it started. The two even have their own reality TV show, for goodness sake.

Dedication

Then

At the height of the 90s boy band days, the internet was a fairly new thing. Everyone’s e-mail was @AOL.com, AIM was for stalking your crush and talking to SmarterChild, and Geocities and Angelfire were web hosting sites for your favorite bands. The fact that we could even get pictures and talk to fellow fans seemed incredible, and it was our way of showing our dedication to the world.

I used to live by this site, since they updated it so frequently (like twice a day), and it legit has looked the same ever since 1998.

Now

  • Tumblr Directioners: Holy shit, a Larry Stylinson sex tape better leak soon or I will light myself on fucking fire
  • Twitter Directioners: Omg, Follow me xx I love you so much
  • Youtube Directioners: This is like the best song ever, partyin harrdd
  • Facebook Directioners: Haha oh my goodness look at this, you are like my like bff for eva Harry. Omgomg I love you sooooooooooooo muchhh :))))) lololol rofl

Today’s kids turn to all forms of social media, and I feel like it’s reached a whole new level of obsession. Because you can now reach out to your idol – and even possibly get a reply – fans think they form this bond with the celebrities, which ultimately makes them even more devoted and obsessed. I was going to find examples on Twitter and Tumblr, but honestly, it’s a scary, scary place, and I want no part of that.

Rivalries

Pop Quiz:

BSB : *NSync :: One Direction : ???

Then

I admit, I was totally a *Nsync hater – or as I used to call them, *NSTINK. My “hatred” for them ran deep. So much so that I refused to listen to their songs (save for like maybe 5 of their hits). I’ve probably only heard Bye Bye Bye all the way through less than 10 times in my life. One time in dance class, my teacher put on the new *Nsync cd during warmup and I was SO pissed. Like so mad that my teacher could tell that I wasn’t happy about it, and continued to remind me of it until the day I graduated high school. Get a grip.

But the more I think about it, it was never because I hated the group itself. In fact I agree that they were good singers, were probably the better dancers of the two groups, and of course, like any grown ass woman, my love runs deep for Justin Timberlake. My hatred for ‘*NSTINK’ was for their fans. I loathed the annoying way that they always thought BSB sucked and *Nsync was better – and they wanted to prove it. Constantly. I’m sure you can say the same for BSB fans, but obviously I’m picking sides here. And as an adult, I think we can all recognize that it was totally spurred on by the media. If that one journalist didn’t pit the two bands together, there probably wouldn’t be an entire generation of girls who judge each other in their 20s by which boy band they liked better.

The best example of the fan rivalry is in the video clip from TRL below. I remember watching this live, and being so pissed off at the *Nsync team that I was almost as mad as Tiffany. Creeper alert: I somehow got a hold of Tiffany’s AOL SN and stalked her on AIM, in awe of her BSB dedication.


Now

I suppose the correct answer to the analogy above is Justin Bieber. Which might not make complete sense, since he’s not a boy band. Today’s kids are more fandom vs. fandom, rather boy band vs. boy band (or artist in this case). And since kids don’t have the luxury of having TRL, they take to social media yet again, specifically on Twitter. Case in point:

The second thing you need to know is that Directioners don’t like Beliebers. The conflict began (where else?) on Twitter. “The Beliebers trended #HitDirectionersWithAShovelDay” for no reason explains Holly, a 16-year-old 1D fan from Chicago. She says the war has raged on ever since. “When they won at the TCAs instead of Justin Beiber, they started making fun of Harry’s acne. They’re just trying to make us angry.” {x}

Of course Biebs had to say something to stop the madness and the the constant Twitter trends, but that didn’t really stop the fans from being cray online…

 

So whose side are you on? BSB or *Nsync? One Direction or Justin Bieber? Do you even care? Do you just want to reclaim your youth now? Yeah, probably the latter.

Five 90s Pop Songs You Missed While Listening to Dashboard Confessional

Listen. If you know me, you know that I make it no secret about my love for pop music. I mean, I’m going on a Backstreet Boys cruise later this year.

So I feel like it’s my duty to share with y’all some classic songs you may have not heard before, or at least in a very long time. Also, since I’m not in 7th grade anymore, I feel like I can freely share my favorites without being judged. Too much, at least.

A*Teens – Sugar Rush

If you were to open my iTunes right now, this Swedish pop band would be the very first artist in my library. Why did I have two of their albums? And why did I delete all but 4 of their songs from my computer? I haven’t listened to this song in about 5 years, and upon re-listening to it, I realized just how perfect a pop song it is. Catchy melody and lyrics that don’t really make sense = classic pop song. Well done, Abba reincarnate.

Best line: “I got a sweet tooth and a taste for you… you’re the sweetest thing I ever tasted. Baby you’re my sugar rush.”

Hoku – Another Dumb Blonde

Original iMac! Cute boy with floppy hair! Single from the 2000 movie Snow Day OST! All the items needed for a quality 90s one hit wonder. Oh, and get ready to have your mind blown. Hoku is the daughter of Don Ho!!! Ok, maybe your mind hasn’t been blown because you have no idea who that is. Don Ho was the Hawaiian singer who was made famous by his catchy tune ‘Tiny Bubbles.’ Still nothing? Maybe I know who he is because my parents used to make me watch The Lawrence Welk Show on Saturday nights #thisexplainsalotaboutmysociallife

Best line: “Last night I went to a party hoping I’d see you there, and sure enough you were hanging on some other girl playin’ with her hair.”

Westlife – World of Our Own

Of course the 90s weren’t the 90s without boy bands. And this one seemed to be the biggest one in the world – except for the States. Westlife hailed from the U.K., and only had one semi-popular song in America, called Fool Again. I think I discovered this jam when I was in the Philippines, because of course, they were the shiz there. I’m not sure if that means they were behind the times or if we were. (PS: if you understand what the premise of this video is, please let me know… creepy police/dominatrix/downtown/cgi theme?)

Best line: “You make me feel funny when you come around.”

2ge+her – Every Minute Every Hour

You’re saying to yourself, ‘But 2ge+her isn’t even a real band.’ But in a warped way, their parody of the successful boy bands made them an actual successful boy band. And I was totally to blame for their popularity. I watched the movie and was prepared to be offended, but instead, I was lured in and bought both of their albums. Irony of all ironies – this song was written by BSB member Howie D himself.

Best line: “I can’t forget when you left, When we said goodbye. I know it’s hard to carry on, Can I survive?”

M2M – Don’t Say You Love Me

Another band from across the pond, this song was probably the Norwegian pop duo’s ‘biggest’ hit. You can thank the Pokemon soundtrack for that. Their voices are a tad bit annoying and nasally, but hell if I don’t sing along to this jam.

Best line: “The next thing I know we’re down at the cinema, We’re sitting there, you said you loved me. What’s that about?”