It’s August, but Wedding Season isn’t over yet … because with the growing popularity of fall weddings, wedding season stretches from May to early November, with an additional, tiny bump around Christmas time. I’m in my late 20s now, and it has been over 10 years since I have had a wedding-free summer. After you’ve been around the bridal block a few times, you start to notice that from your swanky sit-down affairs to your afternoon backyard bashes, most weddings really do have a lot in common. And after you’ve been around the bridal block more than a few times … especially if you’re single …. especially if like me, you cannot envision having a WEDDING-wedding even if you get married … you start to feel like you need some sort of a game, goal, or mission to keep the events feeling fresh.
Ladies and gentlemen, to that end I give you the Cookies + Sangria Wedding Guest Drinking Game/ Scavenger Hunt. EXTRAVAGANZA! 2015. Or whatever year you’re reading this.
1 point (Scavenger Hunt) / 1 Sip (Drinking Game)
- Mason Jars
- In the days before the wedding, you go through that internal struggle of whether it would make more sense for you to take a cab to the wedding or just limit your drinking to a glass or two of wine way at the beginning. [Obviously if you come out in favor of driving to the event, you’re playing the scavenger hunt, so get your notepad ready to tally those points!]
- Jordan almonds
- A grandma
- A photo announcement for everyone from your alma mater
- A bride is tanned or toned beyond recognition
- A bride is keeping her birth name, the couple will be hyphenating their name, the groom is taking the bride’s name, the couple is adopting a new name, or a same-sex couple does literally ANYTHING with regards to surnames … but guests or officiants can’t or won’t accept it (cards with wrong name on it, announcement of Mr. and Mrs. Dude’sName, etc).
2 Points (Scavenger Hunt) / 1 swig (Drinking Game)
- Wedding party in matching Converse
- The unity candle won’t light
- Flower girls strewing something other than flowers
- You are handed bubbles for when the couple leaves the ceremony
- A guest misses a key point in the wedding because they are doing something on their phone
- The first dance song was also the first dance at another wedding you went to
- Canon in D
- Wedding March
- You’re in a barn
- The ring does not go on easily
- There’s a wedding coordinator or photographer who would be well-suited to some sort of upper-level commanding military position
- Bridesmaid or groomsman speech mentions a fraternity or sorority
5 points (Scavenger Hunt) / 1 gulp (Drinking Game)
- Edison lights
- A man in white athletic socks
- Actual tin cans tied to the car
- Dollar dance
- The couple does that thing where they make sand art instead of lighting a unity candle
- One of those signs that tells you to pick a seat, not a side
- Chalkboards or chalkboard paint
- “Love is patient, love is kind…” etc.
- It’s a destination wedding (beach resort, cruise, etc) and a non-wedding guest crashes accidentally. Or on purpose.
- The wedding party takes photos in an awkward location, or one totally unrelated to the couple or event. (NB: now that the “photojournalistic,” candid, “creative” photo style is in, I always see people taking pics in the park and bridge near where I work by people who have, based on things I’ve heard them say, basically never been downtown in my city before).
- The wedding party does a jumping picture
10 points (Scavenger Hunt) / 2 gulps (Drinking Game)
- Superfluous Scrabble tiles incorporated into the decor
- Another wedding guest with your first name
- Bird decor
- A ring bearer or flower girl who is actually a baby who can’t walk yet
- A whole-hearted bouquet toss enthusiast
- A bouquet toss conscientious objector
- Unzipped fly on a guest
- Something that you, personally, would deem an obvious Pinterest Fail
- Signature cocktail
- Photo booth
- A camera whore is very obviously angling to be in the reception candids
- Anything Disney (cake topper, dress, anything)
- The table assignments are something “clever” or Pinterest-based, like photos of the couple at whatever age the table number was, or all based on different locations.
20 Points (Scavenger Hunt) / Chug (Drinking Game)
- The flower girl can’t or won’t flower girl
- The priest or officiant says something awkward (for instance: at our friend’s wedding, the priest talked about how wonderful it was that we were all together to consummate the marriage, then he drew even more attention to it by trying to rephrase it for the next minute)
- A non-bridal party person in an updo (like UPDO updo. Tendrils, hairspray … baby’s breath?)
- Someone does a honk-y nose blow during the ceremony
- Elderly people in love
- It’s a religious wedding and the sermon/speech/whatever is about wives submitting to husbands
- Someone in the bathroom who needs a sewing kit
- Someone in the bathroom who has a sewing kit
- A groom makes some sort of performance art piece out removing the garter
- The first dance was choreographed
- You’re single, and someone awkwardly tries to set you up with another single guest (it’s like when you were 12 at your dad’s company picnic, and your parents tried to make you hang out with another kid because of the great uniting factor of you both being in seventh grade, even though that doesn’t mean you have anything else in common).
- Self-written vows
- Unzipped fly on a member of the wedding party
50 points (Scavenger Hunt) / Finish Your Drink (Drinking Game)
- Hay bales are involved in any capacity
- The entrances to the reception were choreographed
- A bride has separate ceremony and reception dresses
- RHYMING vows
- They make you sit on the hay bales
- A direction sign pointing the way to food, dancing, custom candy table, etc
- Custom candy table
- Two women in the same dress (not in the bridal party)]
- There’s a theme. Not a color scheme, but a THEME. Like Civil War.
- An unassuming person with surprisingly awesome dance moves
- A non-bridesmaid who accidentally wore almost the same dress as the bridesmaids
- There’s another couple with the same, or almost the same, wedding hashtag that weekend
- Crying bride (happy tears)
- Custom cake topper
- Cake smash. You’re gonna need that drink.
- An ex-spouse of the couple is present
100 points (Scavenger Hunt) / New Drink (Drinking Game)
- A non-bride is wearing white (flower girl doesn’t count)
- The couple’s pet(s) are involved in the ceremony
- An awkward bouquet/ garter combo (relatives, exes, massive age gap … I have been avoiding the bouquet toss my whole life because even as a little kid I realized that hey, if I catch this thing I don’t want, a stranger is going to have to put an undergarment on my leg??)
- Somebody has an objection during the ceremony
- Crying bride (non-happy tears)
- One of the spouses serenades the other
- There’s choreography when the bridal party and couple go down the aisle.
- Someone surprises the couple with a performance that they don’t know about.