Cyber Monday Guide For Thirtysomethings

Happy Cyber Monday to all those tech savvy people who were smart enough not to jump into the throngs of people on Black Friday!

AKA greetings, fellow thirtysomethings. I’ve never been one for braving the stores at midnight to score a deal on a TV, which is why when Cyber Monday became a thing, I was all about it. Access to all the internet’s great deals WITH an extended deadline? Sign me and my computer up. Now I don’t know about you older millennials, but it wasn’t until recently (perhaps the past year or so) where I really felt like I was aging in that my shopping interests have slightly matured. I’m also single with no kids, so for those of you who already are married with children, this realization might have hit you a while back. That being said, I’ve found myself not searching for sales on DVDs or discounts on Forever 21, but rather items that are a sure sign I’m headed towards those golden years.

If you’re  feeling the same way, here’s a list of items that are not only helpful for thirtysomethings – but on sale on Cyber Monday too.

Deebot

{Amazon.com $199.98}

So it’s become sort of a joke with me and my friends lately because we keep having totally unplanned conversations that lead back to robot vacuums. This is who we are now. A popular one amongst the group is the Deebot. One of the awesome things about it is that you can control it from your phone with an app and schedule cleanings even when you’re not home. Just think about how satisfying removing all that dirt and hair will be.

Ancestry/DNA Test

{Various, Ranging From $99 to $200}

Listen, none of us are getting any younger. Except for Bianca Lawson. She’s the only one. But I bet she would do one of these ancestry tests anyways. A lot of us think we know our family’s heritage and ancestry, but many times, as we’ve learned from Who Do You Think You Are?, we could be tied to folks we never would’ve imagined. There are a number of ancestry tests to choose from, and it’s up to you what kind of results you want back. 23AndMe offers both a regular ancestry test and an ancestry + health test, which can tell you if you have a family history of things like Alzheimer’s or even Celiac’s. Ancestry.com and National Geographic also provide great tests with maps of your lineage and stuff!

Bedding

You know what’s exciting? New sheets. On a new, grown-up mattress. You know what’s even better? Getting new sheets and a new grown-up mattress on sale. Take Lovett or Leave It’s game sponsor Parachute, where everything on their site – yes including the famous sheets – is 20% off! Listen to literally any other podcast? You must be familiar with Casper mattresses! When you use the code GIFT on Monday, you can get $150 off any purchase of a mattress $1000 or more!

Blue Apron

{$25 Off Your First Two Deliveries}

Speaking of the Pod, are you looking for a better way to cook? Blue Apron is apparently the way to go. If you like the act of cooking and the idea of eating fresh foods, this subscription meal service is for you. You don’t need to search for recopies and you also don’t need to go to the store to buy  all the ingredients, which is a dream, because you’re a hard-working adult who barely has time to catch up on the latest season of Stranger Things.

The Home Depot

If you’re a new homeowner, chances are you’re constantly working on fixing something in your house. Places like The Home Depot are just a regular stop on your way home these days, and thanks to the magic of Cyber Monday, you can go to their website and get free shipping and even up to 50% off appliances.

Costco

From diamond earrings to reclining lounge chairs to Kirkland vodka to those hot dogs at the food stand, Costco has it all (except reasonable parking on a Sunday afternoon). And you can even have it delivered right to your door! Maybe not the hot dogs.

Buy Buy Baby

Calling are parentals! Or people who know people that are parentals! We’re at that age where people are getting pregnant on purpose. Weddings seem to be dying down a bit while baby showers are taking over. Need a gift for someone who’s expecting or a new parent? Buy Buy Baby is all about that Cyber Monday action with a ton of sales all over their site.

 

Best Buy

You’re an adult now. You can probably splurge on a TV bigger than 35″. Also available for free shipping at Best Buy: things like a Nest thermostat, an Amazon Alexa/Echo and a Ring doorbell, because everything is automated now and we’re living in Smart Houses.

Vitamins

{Amazon’s Vitamin Shop}

I’m talkin’ Tumeric. I’m talkin Ginko Biloba. I’m talkin Fish Oil. Gimme those Oregano pills babyyyy.

 

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It’s 11.11, Single People, Make A Wish

I work for a British-based company, which means we don’t get a lot of American holidays off. Basically if there’s any sort of Columbus Day or Martin Luther King Jr. Day type day, I only am alerted to it when I see Macy’s commercials boasting special three-day sales. So I guess a happy Veterans Day and giant thank you to all who have and are serving for our country.

But did you guys know there’s another holiday today and it’s been a huge deal in China? It’s called Singles Day and it’s basically anti-Valentine’s Day meets Cyber Monday. For all those who believe V-Day is a holiday made up by card companies to sell millions of greeting cards this year – you’ll be interested in Singles Day.

Singles Day, or Guanggun Jie in Chinese, was founded by a group of college kids in 1993, inspired by the imagery of “11.11”, since guanggun translates to “lone stick”.  It started off as a “Bachelors Day”, but the day of being single and partying with other single friends spread to females as well. But in 2009,  Alibaba, a huge Chinese e-commerce company that owns sites like their own version of eBay, were all like, ‘Hey, let’s start marketing  to these sad single people on Singles Day and push them to splurge on one-day sales’. In other words:

Over the past few years, Singles Day has grown into a billion dollar sales day, becoming the world’s biggest online shopping event – last year the day brought in $5.8 billion worth of items, which is almost $2 billion more than the year before. In comparison, us ‘Murricans spent $1.7 billion on Cyber Monday in 2013. This is what happens when we (don’t) spend money on other people.

Besides the fact that Singles Day is one of the best marketing ideas I’ve heard in some time, it’s particularly big in China because of some demographic factors, including the country’s one-child per family policy, which means there are a shit ton of single men in China right now, ladies.

So it would only make sense to celebrate Singles Day here in America, right? There are already a ton of people every year who are against Valentine’s Day (Anna Howard Shaw Day, anyone?), not to mention the fact that about half the adult population in the U.S. (that’s about 124 million folks) are single, which honestly makes me feel a little bit better about my life, but not by that much. Combine that with young people who are looking for excuses to shop online AND at discounted prices, you’ve got yourself a new Cyber Monday. Here’s hoping Singles Day makes its way to the U.S. soon, because these are just some of the possible items that would sell out immediately:

  • Personalized flask
  • Wine of the Month
  • Anything to do with alcohol
  • A comfy onesie
  • Gourmet chocolate
  • A body pillow with Chris Evans on it

  • A year subscription to Match/eHarmony/ChristianMingle
  • A Keurig
  • Gift certificate to a spa
  • A Batman suit
  • A box of meats from Omaha Steaks
  • This poster:

*Update: after I wrote this post, turns out Alibaba announced they hit an astonishing $2 billion in gross sales within the FIRST HOUR of Singles Day.