Bleth & More Fictional Couples Who Should Marry IRL

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

It happened, y’all. Two of the most beloved characters in millennial TV history are getting married IRL!

If you haven’t heard yet, Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen (Bleth) are engaged!!!

Okay, so it’s actually Leighton Meester and Adam Brody. Two things came to my mind upon hearing this: 1) UGH now Seth and Summer will NEVER be together. 2) Blair and Seth. Weird.

It did not occur to me until a good minute later that these folks are not their fictional characters, because I am too engrossed in the lives of TV characters instead of my own real life. (It’s fine, I’m not the only one. The internet is stuck in the land of Newport & the Upper East Side too).

Anyways, while the idea of Queen B and lovable geek Seth getting together seems almost impossible that it could actually be true love, it got me thinking – what other characters from 90s/00s TV shows would actually be really compatible? Here are a few I came up with. Agree? Disagree? Want to add more to the list? Let us know!

To continue with the Gossip Girl/The OC crossover, I present to you Jenny Humphrey and Oliver Trask. Jenny was a good girl gone bad, while Oliver was just a nutjob gone cray cray. Put them together and you have a big ball of insanity, which is probably not condusive to you know, living a normal life, but at least they would be happy together?

When you think about it, these two could have actually gotten together. Lisa lived in the Pacific Palisades on Saved by the Bell while Carlton lived (with the Fresh Prince) in Bel-Air. It’s only like a “20 minute” commute, so it’s totes easy for Lisa to pick up Carlton and the two (read: just Lisa) can go shopping on his credit card. Not to mention, she would have a BFF in his sister Hillary.

I’m going to pretend that Ruthie is still 8 years old on 7th Heaven and Ben is 6 on Friends, because I can’t handle the fact that Grown up Ruthie is posing half naked in magazines and Ben has split into twins and one of them works in a restaurant. These two were both troublemakers at some point in their respective series so while Ben avoids hanging out with Sting’s son, he can just casually date/hold hands with Ruthie and everything will be okay.

Alright, before you leave a nasty comment, I realize that Jonathan Bower from Who’s the Boss was never actually gay on the show. It was the ’80s/90s, they couldn’t do that. On the other hand, Danny Pinaturo, the actor, actually is gay, so lets pretend new came out later in life and started dating Eric Van der Woodsen from Gossip Girl. Eric, since he grew up in the age where coming out isn’t as big of a deal as it used to be, has had his fair share of bfs, so he could teach Jonathan a little something about being ‘out’. In public.

Ah Gibbler. The annoying sometimes charming BFF/neighbor to the Tanner family on Full House. She’s the type of person that would only get on with someone that’s just as weird and freaky as her. Enter Neal Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks. If you’re not familiar (what’s wrong with you? Watch that shit now), Neal is part of the Geek section of Freaks and Geeks. He thinks he’s a ladies man but, let’s face it. He’s not. Except with Gibbler.

There’s an episode of Saved by the Bell called Cut Day (is it disgusting I didn’t even have to look that up?) where Jessie finds a love connection with Graham – a boy she’s NEVER met or seen before in this high school where we see the same students over and over again – after they bond over protesting the delivery of styrofoam cups to the cafeteria and chaining themselves to lockers. Meanwhile, over on Home Improvement, Randy Taylor was kind of the odd man out in the family, as he cared more about environmental and civil rights and even became a vegetarian, much to the chagrin of Tim the Toolman Taylor. JTT decided to leave the show to go to college IRL, so the writers shipped Randy off to Costa Rica with his girlfriend in an attempt to save the rainforest. Basically, these two belong together in Colorado living a crunchy granola vegan lifestyle or for Americorps in – where else – Costa Rica.

Kate Sanders was the bitchy, popular girl on Lizzie McGuire and Dick Casablancas, well Dick lived up to his first name. I realize that maybe there’s a slight age difference here, but theoretically, Kate and Dick would be a match made in heaven. And provide plenty of fodder for Veronica Mars’ flawless snark.

Lest we forget, Clueless was so popular that it spawned a TV show. Even though it only lasted for three seasons, Cher was still Cher and swimming in the middle of a bunch of Monets in Beverly Hills. Joey may have been a dumb jock on Blossom, but all he really needs is someone who is like him but smarter, and Cher can totally fit that role for him.

Okay, okay. These two aren’t lesbians. But bear with me for a second. Ren Stevens was a Type A overachiever on Even Stevens. Paris Geller was a Type A overachiever on Gilmore Girls. The ultimate power couple? And just think about it – these two could EASILY be lesbians. Like if one day they returned and it was revealed they’ve switched teams and gone all Piper Chapman over the past couple of years, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Honestly, I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before. Two teachers from beloved teen sitcoms, each providing life lessons for their students/adopted kids? Goood Morning, Mrs. Feeny.

14Nov2013

It’s Been a Bad Week for Jessica Spano

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

As you may (or may not) know, Elizabeth Berkley is one of the cast members of this season’s Dancing with the Stars.

That is until she unexpectedly got kicked off the show on Monday. Oops. Sorry. “Spoiler Alert”.

Elizabeth has been a frontrunner the entire season, getting TWO perfect scores. And her cumulative score from the judges lands her at third place, so theoretically, this means she should have an easy entry into the semi-finals and even the finals, but because America gets to weigh in, this wasn’t the case. Looks like Elizabeth’s SBTB and Showgirls fans didn’t vote enough to beat out all of middle America and the southern states who are voting for Bill Engvall. Like, really.

Most notably this season, Elizabeth recreated her famous “I’m so excited!” scene from SBTB, and it was weird and awkward and awesome all at the same time.

Note to self: never take “Jive Pills”. Or do, because it’s freaking me out how it doesn’t look like she’s changed one bit in over 20 years. IDK anymore.

But lest we forget from whence she came. Elizabeth may not be the winner of the mirrorball trophy on DWTS, but she’ll always be a winner in our hearts.

The video that made one of the best girl groups of all time

It’s worth noting that they were called ‘Hot Sundae’, not ‘Jesse and The Sundaes’. Come on.

Buddy Bands: Hey, They Work.

Jessie, resident dancer, helps teach Zack how to dance.

Looks like little Lizzie is enjoying the dance a little too much.

Jessie and Zack: The couple that never was?

Powerhouse Preppies for the win (click pic for video!)

Jessie shows off her skills in ‘band’ class

In which the gang pretends to know how to play instruments (click pic for video!)

Bonus vid: MTV2’s brilliant promo vid for SBTB.

Bonus vid #2: Rare interview with the kids before the show got super popular. Why do Mario and Elizabeth look exactly the same 20+ years later? Time-travelling demons.

19Sep2013

Expectations Vs. Reality: Saved by the Bell The College Years

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

In 1993, the men of Bayside High left Mr. Belding behind and continued on to higher education by attending California University. Now if they were real, which in all honesty they sometimes are in my head, Zack Morris, AC Slater and Samuel ‘Screech’ Powers kicked off their journey exactly 20 years ago this week. “20 YEARS?!”, you say? Yeah. 20 years. 1993 was 20 years ago, and 2003 was 10 years ago, a fact that I always always fail to believe.

Just like real life, Saved by the Bell (the high school era) ended in May, and months later, the crew started college in September and while the constant repeats made us believe this iteration ran on for approx 2 seasons, it actually only ran for 19 episodes. That’s 19 episodes for young, impressionable kids to find out what college life is like through a fake TV show. Seriously, I didn’t know anyone in college at the time, so what I saw on SBTB was what I assumed college (and high school for that matter) was going to be like.

Of course, now I know that it wasn’t really supposed to be treated as a college bible.

Expectation:

All your best friends will go to the same college as you.

Not only will your gang ALL be accepted into the same school, but you will all decide to go there TOGETHER.

Reality:

You will go to college alone.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have a buddy or two. Otherwise, man up and find new friends.

Expectation:

You will share a spacious triple and suite with your roommates

Reality:

You will be crammed into a double with a stranger

Robin Scherbatsky’s cubicle is roughly the size of a normal college dorm room.

Expectation:

You will meet a dreamy boyfriend/girlfriend – and that person will be your professor

Oh Professor Lasky. He was a handsome, single dad who crossed the line with his student/babysitter. At least you’re the reason Kelly decided to finally tie the knot with Zack.

Reality:

You will date randoms and half of them will probably be gay

That’s what college is for, right?

Expectation:

You will be forced to join a sorority/fraternity and undergo a ridiculous hazing process

And that hazing process will include Nickelodeon slime and a frat leader who is actually the younger version of Billy Chambers from Scandal.

Reality:

You don’t have to join Greek Life at all

Nothing against Greek Life, but if you’re like me and are too lazy and poor to join an organized group of friends, this will be a relief.

Expectation:

You will be able to redecorate anything and everything in your dorm

And your suite (which connects the boys room to the girls room) will be big enough for a poker table in the living room.

Reality:

No tacks, staples, tape on the walls, no microwave, no hot plate, no fridge, and absolutely no room for anything.

In reality, not a big deal. But still annoying.

Expectation:

Turning a dorm room into a rave will be super easy and fun and include stolen nitrous oxide from the science department

Painting the walls black will be a breeze! And all these people in a small area won’t break any RA-set sound ordinances or anything.

Reality:

You won’t even go to rave, just a bunch of house parties in dingy apartments/basements, fill your red solo cups with indiscernable types of alcohol

Honestly, all part of the college experience and worth the vomiting for the anecdotes

Expectation:

You will befriend a lab monkey who later escapes but then comes back

This was an actual plot line. And that chimp is actually wearing a dress.

Reality:

No monkeys. No monkeys at all.

Thank God. Although it sounds kinda fun, no? Yeah, no.

22Feb2013

Go Tigers! Bayside High’s Best Teen Actors

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by Traci

If I had to name one TV show that defined my childhood it would be Saved By The Bell. Full House comes in a close second, but Bayside High was, is, and always will be my number one (so expect more posts about this in the future).

I’ve seen every single episode of the series, including the long forgotten Good Morning, Miss Bliss ones. A fun trick I used to be really good at was naming the episode and/or plot based on the first 5 to 10 seconds of the show. I can kinda still do it now, but in my old age, I’ve managed to forget.

So because I’ve seen all the episodes multiple times, I’ve noticed a lot of things most people don’t, including the background characters who showed up throughout the high school years. Here are a few of my favorites. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!

Ollie Creekly

The gravelly voiced black nerd was often seen roaming the halls with his fellow Central Casting extras, but also frequently seen in clubs and committees, along with his fellow geektastic friends.

Herbert the Nerd

Friend of Ollie, geek to all. He was often with the rest of the geek squad, but for some reason, he stuck out because he was just so … on edge all the time. Also, he made the perfect faces that made me wonder why the “geeks” in my school didn’t look exactly like him.

The Twins

Did the twins have names? Probably not. What they did have was matching outfits in every episode. Like as teens, they had to wear the exact same clothes, because otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they were twins.

Black Girl

The short black girl, the twins, and other frequent extras that Zack is pretending he is friends with

Ok, she didn’t have a name either. But she was short, black, and always jovial.

Kevin the Robot

Screech had a best friend in Zack, but he also had a best friend in his robot Kevin. Looking back on it, this robot must have cost hundreds of dollars in the 1980s. And did his parents have him specially made? He was a talking robot that was almost life-sized for goodness sake!

Ox was the token idiot jock who actually first came on the scene with the name of ‘Scud.’ That’s right folks Scud. Needless to say, the big galut lucked out with ‘Ox’.

Alan

You might remember Alan from one of my personal favorite eps, The Prom. He was a part of the prom committee, and suggested that the food for the night consist of all different kinds of cake.

This Guy

I want to say his name is Robert … which is probably incorrect. But he looks like a Robert, no? He looks like he runs wit h the geek crowd, but he was always with the average people, like the twins.

Rod Belding

Here is Rod teaching the teenage boys how to do “CPR.” Cue: HEY HEY HEY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

“A building with two beldings and one of them is balding!” Ok, so he was only in one episode but I feel like I need to address him. The kids were surprised to find out that not only did Mr. Belding had a brother, but he had a cool brother. You can call him Rod. Classic 90s Californian with long flowing blond hair and surfer dude attitude. The only problem was that he was a flake. When Rod promised to take the class white water rafting, he warned the kids that he wouldn’t fulfill his promise, and per usual he was right. Always listen to Mr. Belding kids. Always.

Bonus: Scott Wolf

Glee club extraordinaire, Scott Wolf would soon grow up to be an alcoholic in Party of Five and then marry Kelly from Real World: New Orleans IRL.

Eric Dane

RIP Mark Sloan

Also only in one episode, but I only found out it was him like a year ago and it blew my mind. He played Tad (maybe Ted? IDK one of the two) who was an excellent volleyball player and played against our crew when they spent their summer at the Malibu Sands Beach Club. McSteamy dated Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini of King of Queens), but she told him she moved away instead of actually dating him. If only you knew he would grow up to be a smokeshow on Grey’s Anatomy.