Happy Golden Globes day, friends! We look forward to this day every year, for a few reasons. It kicks off the start of awards season, it mixes the Hollywood elite with the charming folks of television, there is drinking involved, and for the past two years, our queens Amy and Tina have been the glorious hosts.
Also, if you want to follow along, fill out our handy dandy C+S Golden Globes ballot by clicking here!!
T: I’M ALREADY CRYING AS SOON AS AMY AND TINA APPEAR ON THE RED CARPET.
T: Hi Emily Blunt is gorge but why is JKras avoiding the interview??
T: I am dying over Amal Clooney’s white gloves, y’all. Like when is someone making a Twitter account for this? Also, when Ryan Seacrest asked who her gloves were by she said, “They’re my own.” OF COURSE THEY ARE.
M: YES. You can almost see Amal thinking “this is all very cute, but just so you all know, I have a REAL job.” Except more gracious.
T: She’s so much better than this. The woman wore a Dior Haute Couture gown because, and I quote, “In solidarity with the French people who have gone through a terrible week.” Like, you’re a better person than everyone on this carpet.
M: My over-the-top love for Amal Clooney finally makes me understand how baby boomer women feel about George Clooney.
T: Agreed. And mine is a newer love for her, kinda like the time everyone was freaking out about Kate Middleton and their wedding and I was all WTF she’s just human then I started watching it and next thing you know I’m up at 4am watching it and DVRing every possible special on their matrimony.
M: I tuned in around 7:30 only to be greeted by Emma Stone’s brother(?) wearing a men’s headband (headman-d?) and chewing gum. Queue my memory of our Italian high school Spanish teacher – got that? – telling us that chewing gum makes you look like a horse.
M: Reese Witherspoon is wearing a pretty silver number and walking with real-life Wild. Okay, not sure what her name is. Anyway you know how usually in biopics the actor is a significantly more attractive version of whoever they’re playing? Not here! Wild is really pretty.
M: Please, just one time, can Jennifer Aniston just say screw it and show up with The Rachel?
M: Lupita Nyong’o. Human flower petal. Jeeeez.
T: So clearly, if you watched the E! Red Carpet, Guliana’s love for George Clooney has pushed her to drinking multiple shots of his tequila and now she’s shitfaced. She’s the girl who you can tells is trying super hard to concentrate but is completely gone.
M: Also, Guliana is saying “selfie” like my parents do. Like, you can hear the quotes around it. Like it’s on this week’s vocab quiz.
M: Melissa McCarthy… first of all, beautiful. Second of all, sort of Annie Hall meets caterer or All-County Chorus? Maybe I’ll like it more tomorrow. Hair and face-wise, she’s looking amazing though.
T: Honestly though, as it gets closer to the beginning of the Golden Globes, I feel like a little kid on Christmas Day, but instead of opening presents, we’re opening the pure joy and delight of Tina and Amy.
T: THE QUEENS ARE ALREADY IN THEIR SECOND OUTFITS FOR THE NIGHT! Amy said on the red carpet, “We have about 50 outfit changes and 10 emotional changes”.
T: I don’t think I have seen Wes Anderson before? Maybe? Either way, yeah that’s what he should look like. Even his velour black tie is askew.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Allison Janney, Mom
Michelle Monaghan, True Detective
Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba
Is it even a question?
Traci’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Uzo Aduba all day son. All friggin day.
WINNER: Joanne Froggatt
M: Anna had a hell of a season and all but I never thought Joanne Froggatt would have won.
T: Me either. I lit’rally said out loud: WHAT?!
M: Aw, she seems sweet. So I’m not TOO mad about Crazy Eyes.
M: Yes, Jennifer Lopez. We KNOW. You wear dresses like that.
Best Mini-Series Or TV Movie
The Normal Heart
Molly’s Pick: The Normal Heart
I should probably watch True Detective, right?
Traci’s Pick: True Detective
For the record, I want The Normal Heart to win all the awards.
M: So, is Twitter alight with ‘Golden Globes’ jokes re: J. Lo’s boobs? Because those suckers are SPHERICAL.
…and I was typing that her co presenter Jeremy Renner just made one.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie
Martin Freeman, Fargo
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Woody Harrelson, True Detective
Molly’s Pick: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Because I don’t think you should have to listen to a McConaughey acceptance speech unless you’re stoned.
Traci’s Pick: Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Oblig McConissance, Alright x3, Time is a Flat Circle, etc.
WINNER: Billy Bob Thornton
M: This is that time every year or two when we all remember that Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie used to be a thing, and she wore his blood in a vial around her neck. I remember THAT but it’s a crisis every time I have to remember where my phone charger is.
M: If you missed the bit with the “North Korean journalist” and Meryl taking an iPhoto with a magazine so the show could continue… Check tumblr. I’m sure there will be a gif by the time we post this.
M: When they announce Lena Dunham’s nomination, all I can look at is the plate of tiny, beautiful cookies on her table. Oscars are classier but the Globes are definitely the show I’d want to be at.
T: MY EYES WENT TO THE COOKIES TOO.
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black
Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
What I really want is an acceptance speech written in the voice of Selina Meyer.
Traci’s Pick: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Remember when Andy Samberg won last year? And everyone was like WTF (even tho I love him)? I feel like Gina is the wildcard this year to illicit the same reaction.
WINNER: Gina Rodriguez
T: Guys, I’m crying, and I don’t even watch Jane the Virgin.
M: I’m not just tearing up I am straight up CRYING. I mean to watch it, if that counts.
Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Jane the Virgin
Orange Is The New Black
Molly’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
How have we never discussed our mutual love of Poussey Washington?
Traci’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
M: So, Transparent winning might be that extra push I need to finally subscribe to Amazon Prime.
T: LAWD THE TEARS AREN’T STOPPING. I didn’t realize this year’s Golden Globes was an episode of Parenthood.
M: YOU AREN’T KIDDING. Again, don’t even watch Transparent. This year’s Golden Globes scores a five on a scale from one to five Crying Dawsons.
M: I even saw St. Vincent, yet every time they mention it I expect to see the musician by the same name.
T: Melissa McCarthy used her fashion skills to take the skirt from an old gown and mix it with that collared white top to make her dress tonight. I can barely sew up a hole in my leggings.
M: I have a shirt where the seams are ripping and I’m like “alright, we’ve had a good run, enjoy your new home at the Goodwill drop off shed.”
T: Johann Johannson (best name of the night, tbh) is from Iceland and for some reason I expected him to come out speaking like the Swedish chef. #typicalamerican
M: Yeah, and I also expect that everything he says will be all quirky and Bjorky. False advertising, Iceland Travel Bureau.
T: WTF Prince? Even Allison Janney was like fangirling and completely confused as to why he’s there.
M: The nominees in the original song category, though! Patti Smith?! Between that and Prince I’m caring way more about this category than I expected to.
Is Common the first person to thank God yet? That’s my favorite awards show trope. But his speech is great! Also, I was listening to the speech but hadn’t looked up at the screen yet, and I thought John Legend was speaking, and let me tell you, seeing Common when you’re expecting to see John Legend is a weird sort of jolt.
M: Joey Potter bought a LOT of hair to wear tonight. Also, I cannot see her without remembering Tina Fey’s story about how she said she was a good tap dancer, and was not. Hope they had a dance off backstage!
T: Reminder that BOTH Joey and Pacey are at the Golden Globes right now.
M: I’m going to need a picture. #OTP
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Colin Hanks, Fargo
Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing.
Traci’s Pick: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Again, The Normal Heart, all day every day, but Bill Murray is one of those people like Ellen Burstyn that is iconic enough that people will vote for him.
WINNER: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
M: YAY! Well, there go the waterworks.
T: Matt Bomer and The Normal Heart haven’t won enough awards, IMO.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
Helen Mirren, The Hundred-Foot Journey
Julianne Moore, Map to the Stars
Quvenzhane Wallis – Annie
Molly’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into The Woods
Amy Adams was great in Big Eyes, but I’ve never seen the Baker’s Wife be so lovable and funny and just fantastic.
Traci’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
I was just so enchanted with Emily Blunt in Into the Woods. I mean I’m always enchanted by her (and J Kras as a couple), but even more so in this film. Like everyone else, I didn’t know she could sing, and mix that with her excellent acting skills, she’s a standout in the movie.
WINNER: Amy Adams
M: Dude, “Quevenjohnny?” NOPE.
T: Yeah, still saying it wrong, man.
M: Yay! While I would have loved to see Emily Blunt win, Amy Adams was incredible in Big Eyes. My only qualm is that it didn’t read as a “comedy,” really. If we want to talk about comedic roles this year, I think the best might have been Jenny Slate in Obvious Child. Just understated and lovely.
M: We’re now at the Little Miss Nepotism portion of the evening (Miss Golden Globe, the child of a famous person, who does nothing).
Best Animated Feature Film
Big Hero 6
The Book Of Life
How To Train Your Dragon 2
The LEGO Movie
Molly’s Pick: The LEGO Movie
I liked Big Hero 6 a lot, but the two nephews I went with (ages 5 and 3) hated it. Like, they were traumatized not by the movie but by the depth of their own hatred for it.
Traci’s Pick: The LEGO Movie
EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEE
WINNER: How To Train Your Dragon 2
M: I’m of the mind that nothing with “2” at the end of the title should ever receive an award.
T: Ahem *Sister Act 2*
M: Point taken. His eye really WAS on that sparrow. All the awards.
M: I have so much trouble remembering which one is Kate Hudson and which is Katherine Heigl.
M: Jared Leto’s hairline and eyes are so perfect and even that he looks like a limited-edition doll from the Ashton Drake galleries.
Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Molly’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Admittedly I haven’t seen A Most Violent Year, so Jessica Chastain could be a dark horse here.
Traci’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
This gal has been racking up awards this season, so unless Meryl pulls a Meryl, Patricia’s got this in the bag.
WINNER: Patricia Arquette
M: Whenever a celebrity thanks their kids, their names just sound like random sounds.
T: Patricia Arquette also has odd yet not Banjo odd kid names. Ugh, celebrities.
M: Yeah, not like fruit name-odd. Hey, everyone. As in all things, when naming a human being, be more like Meryl, Tina and Amy.
T: I just watched The Skeleton Twins the other day, and if you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you put it on your Netflix queue. Bill and Kristen are delightful and will make you laugh and cry. Who doesn’t want that in their life?
M: Seconded. It’s the perfect mix of laughing and crying. Joke with a tiny target audience: ” Kristen Wiig graduated from Brighton but she’s looking more Aquinas tonight… RIGHT?” (See, Kristen Wiig is from our hometown, and everyone at our high school was really tan all the time, whereas her school… Whatever. She’s TAN. OKAY?)
T: CLASSIC AQ V. BRIGHTON JOKE.
Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Molly’s Pick: The Imitation Game
Traci’s Pick: Birdman
I haven’t seen Birdman, but sure, they’ve been winning a lot, so add this one to the trophy case too.
T: Oh my, Alejandro Inarritu’s accent is fantastic. He did the thing where people add an ‘s’ to the end of words, like “Thank you to Amy Ryans”. So glad he’s a frontrunner so we can experience more of his speeches in the next few months.
M: My favorite use of the superfluous S is in the movie Selena, because screw it, let’s just keep dating ourselves here. Selenasssss.
M: I was going to write something about Lily Tomlin but I put my cursor down and the only words I could form were LILY TOMLIN. Lily Tomlin. I feel about my childhood comedy heroes the way other people feel about Mr. Rogers or their first really great teacher.
T: Jane Fonda – proving her workout videos actually work since 1982.
Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Louis C.K., Louie
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Ricky Gervais, Derek
William H. Macy, Shameless
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
Molly’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie
Wishful predicting: I expect to be bored for about half of this show and think a speech from Louis would really liven things up.
Traci’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
On my list of ‘shows I should probably watch during the summer hiatus’
WINNER: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
T: HERE COME THE WATERWORKS AGAIN.
M: Ha. I was just going to ask how you were holding up. Me too.
T: So the announcer took a struggle bus to say those guys’ names who won the Best Foreign Film award.
M: it’s like when a kid from the slow reading group would get called on to read aloud in elementary school. Cringe city.
T: You know that feeling when someone goes up to a microphone and they start talking and you get a feeling that they’re about to say something cringe-worthy and you just grip your seat hoping it doesn’t become embarrassing? Yeah, that was me with Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Best Television Series – Drama
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Molly’s Pick: House Of Cards
I love Downton but Traci’s right.
Traci’s Pick: House of Cards
I like Downton and all, but why are we still nominating them for things, folks?
WINNER: The Affair
T: Diane Kruger is exceptionally excited for Joshua Jackson’s win, so much so that I’m beginning to think he’s not actually still with Joey Potter…
M: Nah, Pacey & Joey forever. All my notebooks from 1998 can’t be wrong. It looked like some sort of funhouse with everyone filing in through a mirrored hallway.
Best Performance by an Actor in a TV Series – Drama
Clive Owen, The Knick
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Dominic West, The Affair
Molly’s Pick: James Spader, The Blacklist
How have I seen NONE of these?
Traci’s Pick: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
I feel like this is a weird category, maybe it’s because none of these are traditional network shows, but hey, that’s where TV is going these days. Anyways, Kevin Spacey is a scary breaking the fourth wall motherf’er.
WINNER: Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards
M: I’ll take your word for it, HFPA.
T: Too QT that Kevin and Kata Mara came together. #NoSpoilers
M: I can’t even figure out what could have gotten bleeped in that speech.
T: “It’s about fucking time?” Purely a guesstimate/wish of him saying that
M: I’d like that.
T: OMG I JUST REALIZED NURSE HATHAWAY IS PRESENTING THIS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD TO GEORGE CLOONEY. ONE OF THE OG OTPS.
“We all want to be a ‘F.O.G.’ (Friend of George) is that a thing that people say?? Also I feel like George is too “young” to be receiving this award? He’s like 50 something. People that get this award are like the old guy from The Holiday (RIP).
M: yeah, me too! You have to be collecting social security at least, but ideally be likely to die of natural causes inside of a decade.
Wait. The old guy from The Holiday died????
T: IRL, yeah. Last year. Eli Wallach 😦
M: Man. I usually don’t start my Sunday Night Cry til 11 or so.
T: I INTERRUPT GEORGE’S SPEECH TO ANNOUNCE THAT JARED LETO IS SPORTING A BRAID TONIGHT.
M: And he clearly did some kind of texturizing spray or backcombing.
T: WAIT I’M CRYING AGAIN BC GEORGE WAS JUST SINCERE WITH THAT SPEECH TO AMAL. I’M DYING.
M: George seems awesome, but I just wanna hang out with Amal and talk about when the US will ratify the Convention On Rights Of the Child, and nuclear nonproliferation, and what Oscar de la Renta was like. God I love Cool Lawyers.
Best Director – Motion Picture
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ava Duvernay, Selma
David Fincher, Gone Girl
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Molly’s Pick: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
He may not be a likely winner but I’d like to see innovation awarded; just thinking of the directorial process when you’re working on the same story for a decade makes my head spin.
Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Birdman
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association always has a tendency to like foreign people, so give it to this Mexican director, por favor.
WINNER: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
M: Dream couple here. Let’s skip the award and talk to the Pratt-Faris family.
Best Performance by an Actress In A TV Series – Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland
Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Molly’s Pick: Claire Danes, Homeland
I hope that Viola Davis wins because I love her… But I’m also a proud member of the National Association Of Law School Graduates Who Couldn’t Get Through One Episode Of HTGAWM
Traci’s Pick: Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
HOOWWWW TO GET AWAYYYY WITH WINNING EVERY AWARD AS A HBIC.
WINNER: Ruth Wilson, The Affair
T: IDK if it’s because I don’t really like her character on The Affair, but I’m annoyed.
M: if you don’t get Showtime, is The Affair worth finding an, um, alternate way of watching it?
T: I exclusively find alternate ways of watching premium cable shows.
M: Yes, I’m a subscriber to “my parents don’t even know their HBO subscription comes with HBO GO” myself.
T: Also, this is how Viola Davis handled her night (as did Diane Kruger, which explains a lot). Oh hey Octavia Spencer. Love that they’re still friends.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Ralph Fiennes, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Michael Keaton, Birdman
Bill Murray, St. Vincent
Joaquin Phoenix, Inherent Vice
Christoph Waltz, Big Eyes
Molly’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman
Everyone I know who saw it is either super into Birdman or super NOT into it, but I’ve heard overall positive reviews of Keaton.
Traci’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman
A guy who played Batman IRL playing a fake actor who was famous for playing a super hero? Yeah, it’s about time he win a Golden Globe.
WINNER: Michael Keaton, Birdman
M: Is E Michael Keaton’s SL? Everyone’s eyes are saying “I have no clue what is happening.”
Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Into the Woods
Molly’s Pick: St. Vincent
Taking the middle approach between Birdman (likely winner) and Into The Woods (crowd pleaser). Besides, I really enjoyed this one.
Traci’s Pick: Birdman
Again, haven’t seen this, but I’m assuming the HFPA loves it.
WINNER: The Grand Budapest Hotel
T: Whoa. Grand Budapest Hotel coming in from behind! (That’s what she said) AND homeboy has a speech prepared. Also that movie’s cast is apparently a total sausage fest.
M: I liked Grand Budapest, I mean it was fine, but I think I like when Wes Anderson works in a smaller scope (see, eg, Moonrise Kingdom).
M: Does Matthew McConaughey always speak like a VoiceOver of Civil War soldier reading an old letter in a Ken Burns documentary?
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Jennifer Aniston, Cake
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon, Wild
Molly’s Pick: Jennifer Aniston, Cake.
I can’t decide whether to pick who SHOULD win, who WILL win, or whose win would really make me happy based on what I’m Netflix binging. So, Jennifer Aniston.
Traci’s Pick: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
I’m afraid to watch Julianne Moore play a woman with alzheimer’s because it’s probably going to make me super sad, but I love her and she deserves this.
WINNER: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler
David Oyelowo, Selma
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Holy NOT Michael Scott. But hey, maybe David Oyelowo?
Traci’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
TBH, my choice is Steve Carell in Foxcatcher, because he was creepy as hellll and the polar opposite of everything you’ve seen him in. But Eddie Redmayne did the same thing, so he should win too.
WINNER: Eddie Redmayne
T: ‘Wow, what a category’ – Gwyneth Paltrow. Just gonna leave that there.
T: “How much are we gonna miss Amy and Tina” – Queen Meryl about Queens Tina and Amy’s last time hosting the Golden Globes. They still didn’t get enough air time, TBH.
M: I don’t know if I’m just greedy or what, but it seemed like even less this year.
T: Tina and Amy have been drinking since 10am this morning, let’s be real. Also if we’re being real, that Cho North Korea gag went on for too long. It also provided for less Tina/Amy time.
M: yes! I love her, but at an awards show I want quips, not gags.
Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Imitation Game
The Theory of Everything
Molly’s Pick: Boyhood
Well, it’s what I want to win, anyway.
Traci’s Pick: Boyhood
If you haven’t seen Boyhood, go right now or get it on DVD or whatever, because it is fantastic and nothing like I’ve ever seen before.
T: Anyways, I’m really glad Boyhood won, because it’s one of my favorite movies of the year.
M: Agreed! Also, I’m now realizing that all of the movies and tv I watched this year were pretty lowbrow. Thanks, Hollywood Foreign Press Association!
Thanks for reading & watching with us! Until next time!
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