Golden Globes 2017 – Best Dressed

Annddd we’re back! Not only with new content for 2017, but content that includes our annual kick off to awards season with the Golden Globes! Last night saw some good times (Meryl Streep! Donald Glover!) and bad times (y’all see Hidden Fences?), but as always, we kept an eye on the fashion. Here are some of our faves from the 2017 Golden Globes.

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Emma Stone in Valentino Haute Couture

Every year, we debate over contributing our true top picks and making sure that we don't have any repeats because there are plenty of gorgeous gowns to go around. And just about every year, we end up with one gown that neither of us can, in good conscience, leave off of our list. This time it's Emma Stone, a city of stars unto herself. I love the soft champagne color, the crenelated skirt (so 20s and 30s! so perfect for this role, in particular), and the understated hair, makeup and jewelry. Emma almost always makes our best list, and I'm thrilled she'll be on every red carpet this year because I think she's positively refreshing, both in her exquisite fashion picks and in her laid-back but kind personality.

Every year, we debate whether to contribute our true top picks or make sure that we don’t have any repeats, because there are plenty of gorgeous gowns to go around. And just about every year, we end up with one gown that neither of us can, in good conscience, leave off of our list. This time it’s Emma Stone, a city of stars unto herself. I love the soft champagne color, the crenelated skirt (so 20s and 30s! so perfect for this role, in particular), and the understated hair, makeup and jewelry. Emma almost always makes our best list, and I’m thrilled she’ll be on every red carpet this year because I think she’s positively refreshing, both in her exquisite fashion picks and in her laid-back but kind personality.

 

Natalie Portman in Prada

While my picks after Emma Stone follow in no particular order, I had to make sure Natalie Portman was on my best dressed list somewhere, if only because I was a bit confused by the dislike for this gown. Maternity fashion is tricky: go to bulky and you'll just look oddly shaped instead of pregnant; some go all the way the other direction but I always find skin-tight or crop-tops on pregnant woman to look uncomfortable. I like that Natalie chose a middle approach: tailored, crisp and cheerful, with a 60s boatneck vibe as a tribute to the one and only Jackie O. The feathery beading and midi sleeves made this feel like something I'd imagine a pregnant Audrey Hepburn wearing - or Jackie, of course.

While my picks after Emma Stone follow in no particular order, I had to make sure Natalie Portman was on my best dressed list somewhere, if only because I was a bit confused by the distaste for this gown. Maternity fashion is tricky: go too bulky and you’ll just look oddly shaped instead of pregnant; some go all the way the other direction but I always find skin-tight or crop-tops on pregnant woman to look uncomfortable. I like that Natalie chose a middle approach: tailored, crisp and cheerful, with a 60s-style boatneck as a tribute to the one and only Jackie O. The feathery beading and midi sleeves made this feel like something I’d imagine a pregnant Audrey Hepburn wearing – or Jackie, of course.

 

Donald Glover in Gucci

What I love: the brown velvet is such a beautifully smooth color that you could almost dive into it like melted chocolate. Also, Donald manages - at the same time - to look both like an old-school debonair gentleman, and a walking huggable teddy bear. This suit is a reminder that you don't have to go all the way to patterns or beading to explore a statement beyond the classic black tux. Plus that burgandy bow tie?! This is one of the biggest nights in Donald's career, and I just love that he is dressed for it.

What I love: the brown velvet is such a beautifully smooth color that you could almost dive into it like melted chocolate. Also, Donald manages – at the same time – to look both like an old-school debonair gentleman, and a walking huggable teddy bear. This suit is a reminder that you don’t have to go all the way to patterns or beading to explore a statement beyond the classic black tux. Plus that burgundy bow tie?! This is one of the biggest nights in Donald’s career, and I just love that he is dressed for it.

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad Couture

We all love a simple black dress, but I also love when celebs take the red carpet invitation to seriously go for it. Stunning embroidery, piles of fabric, and an almost Victorian feel that's modernized by that fantastic neckline. Pair it with Lily's signature bold eyebrows and a red lip, and the look keep from going to

We all like a simple black dress, but I also love when celebs take the red carpet invitation to seriously go for it. Stunning embroidery, piles of fabric, and an almost Victorian feel that’s modernized by that fantastic neckline. Pair it with Lily’s signature bold eyebrows and a red lip, and the look keep from going to “80s bridesmaid” and lands in “coolest modern debutante on the block.”

Viola Davis in Michael Kors Collection

Viola Davis is flawless in everything, from Fences (SEE IT), to introductory speeches (I repeat my request that she make radio speeches weekly for the next 4 years to keep us steady), to this one-shoulder canary yellow gown. You can seldom go wrong pairing a vibrant color with a streamlined style and beautiful - but minimal - accessories. Also it would be a crime to cover up those arms.

Viola Davis is flawless in everything, from Fences (SEE IT), to introductory speeches (I repeat my request that she make radio speeches weekly for the next 4 years to keep us steady), to this one-shoulder canary yellow gown. You can seldom go wrong pairing a vibrant color with a streamlined style and beautiful – but minimal – accessories. Also it would be a crime to cover up those arms.

Millie Bobby Brown in Jenny Packham

This makes my list because it's fun, it's glitzy, it fits perfectly, and it's wonderfully age-appropriate. I'm dying a bit over the sheer layer at the hemline and all that beading, not to mention the sweet sandal-style heels. I'm typically not into tea length dresses on adults on the red carpet (though there are exceptions), but it's the perfect way for a child to look dressed up without looking like they're, well, playing dress-up as an adult.

This makes my list because it’s fun, it’s glitzy, it fits perfectly, and it’s wonderfully age-appropriate. I’m dying a bit over the sheer layer at the hemline and all that beading, not to mention the sweet sandal-style heels. I’m typically not into tea length dresses on adults on the red carpet (though there are exceptions), but it’s the perfect way for a child to look dressed up without looking like they’re, well, playing dress-up as an adult.

Traci’s Picks

Emma Stone in Valentino Haute Couture

For the first major awards show of the season, it’s only fitting the La La Land star picked a gown that features silver stars, since, ya know City of Stars and whatnot. Love the light pink color too – the stars are enough ‘bling’, and any other bright color would’ve been too much.

Mandy Moore in Naeem Kahn

God I am so glad Mandy Moore is back looking glam on red carpets where she belongs. Despite the fact she didn’t go home with a trophy, she’s still dressed like a winner in this gorgeous dress. Plunging necklines were a trend this year, and Mandy killed it. I also love the faux cape and sheer material that gives it another sexy edge for a full length gown.

Gina Rodriguez in Naeem Kahn

If I were Gina Rodriguez, I would spend the entire night shimmying left and right to get those beads movin like a 1920s flapper. She looks amazing from head to toe, and is working it like the true star she is.

Felicity Huffman in Georges Chakra

You can't really tell in this photo, but those are pants. And Felicity gave a simple explanation as to why she skipped a gown this year, and it's why she deserves a spot on the best dressed list (it's also v pretty).

If you can’t really tell in this photo, those are pants. And Felicity gave a simple explanation as to why she skipped a gown this year, and it’s why she deserves a spot on the best dressed list (it’s also v pretty). “I got a pantsuit in honor of Hillary. Love you, Hillary. I’m with her.” {x}

Issa Rae in Christian Siriano

Insecure is still on my To Watch list, but I really like Issa Rae based on interviews alone. And as a first-time nominee, she fits right in with this sleek Christian Siriano gown. Also, please note her flawless skin. It’s unreal.

Milo Ventimiglia in Ralph Lauren

That is Milo Ventimiglia and this is us saying goodbye to the #GoldenGlobes. ✨👋

A post shared by E! News (@enews) on

MILO. VENTIMIGLIA. IS. A. SMOKESHOW.

Sterling K. Brown in Kenneth Cole and Ryan Michelle Bathe in David Meister

photo-jan-08-11-34-37-pmDo yourself a favor and follow Sterling K. Brown on social media if you don’t already. Today’s Insta story featured him getting ready with his wife (also on This Is Us!) and they are #couplegoals AF. I mean look at these two hotties – his blue suit and her amazing pink sequined gown?! This is a screenshot of a boomerang and it doesn’t even do them justice. Neither does the screenshot below of Sterling’s time lapse of him putting his clothes on…
photo-jan-08-11-33-32-pm

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Golden Globes 2016 – Best and Worst Dressed

Awards season was off to a (slightly censored) start last night with the Golden Globes, and now that we’re officially promised ceremonies filled with Kate and Leo reunions for the next few weeks, I’d say it’s looking pretty good. Also looking pretty good – a number of the ladies in designer gowns. We’re back to bring you our picks for Best and Worst dressed from the booze-filled ceremony, capes and all.

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Brie Larson in Calvin Klein

Like our 2003 Junior Prom, dresses with cutouts in the midsection are really in – and like our 2003 Junior Prom, just having good abs isn’t enough to pull off the look. Take a closer look at the beading – this is one marvelously well-executed dress and the color is perfect on Brie’s complexion.

Alicia Vikander in Louis Vouitton

To be more specific: I love this on Alicia Vikander- it’s so fresh and minimal it almost looks like a light summer dress instead of a formal gown until you look at how beautifully executed the pleats are. It’s really deceptively simple, but if it were tailored just a bit less well we’d be in pinafore territory: that’s what makes this such a success in my book.

Jaimie Alexander in Genny

The Golden Globes are a bit more playful (read: boozy) than the Oscars, and it’s just the place for a bold geometric pattern like this. I can’t get over how perfect this emerald green color is on Jaime, and I’m almost amazed that the combination of the large pattern and low neckline isn’t over the top. I think the otherwise simple construction keeps it from crossing the line. Good work, Genny. Whoever you are.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture

Every awards show has one gown that waffles between my best dressed and worst dressed list, and this is the one for Golden Globes 2016. My thought is, Jennifer Lawrence has been a staple at every awards show for the past 4 years, but she’s still young and I’m happy to see her take a few risks. So combining a swing top with cutouts seems like a good thing to do – and good on her for balancing it with simple, classic hair and makeup.

Lily James in Marchesa

Lowkey trend of the past 2 years: capes on the red carpet. But in tulle, it looks new and downright angelic. If this dress were simply white it wouldn’t make my list, but look at it in a few different photos – it’s actually rainbow pastel like Lily is the queen of the unicorns or something.

Traci’s Picks

Jenna Dewan Tatum in Zuhair Murad Couture

After clearly beating her husband at Lip Sync Battle the other night despite it being a tie, Jenna knocked it out of the park again on Sunday with this gorgeous flowing navy blue gown. It gives off serious Starry Night vibes to me, which just makes me think of romance and glamour.

Laverne Cox in Elizabeth Kennedy

When you’re tall and skinny like Laverne a dress like this makes you look like a freaking Grecian goddess. I love that collar, too. She knows how to work this gown.

Olivia Wilde in Michael Kors

Glittery dresses seemed to be in fashion last night, and one of my favorite looks came from this beauty, in a to die crimson colored dress. It fits her body perfectly and I’m loving the complimentary eye makeup. The whole ensemble makes her looks sexy yet sophisticated at the same time.

Jennifer Lopez in Giambattista Valli

I went through a mustard phase a few years ago, and I still stand by it. The color doesn’t look great on everyone, and I don’t think J Lo’s worn a lot of dresses in this color, but she looks great in it. With the Angelina Jolie leg and the Lupita cape, I love all of it.

Taraji P. Henson in Stella McCartney

I judge a lot of my Best/Worst dressed on how the person carries themselves in said gown. If it looks like the dress is wearing you, I’m more apt to put you on the Worst list. If you know how to rock a simple yet stunning gown like Taraji, you’ve made the Best dressed. She came into the ceremony to slay, and even managed to hand out cookies on her way up to get her trophy too.

Bonus: Michael B. Jordan looking fine af.

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Cate Blanchett in Givenchy

I think it’s supposed to be 1920s fringe meets 1930s Old Hollywood, but I feel like she’s the fanciest barmaid in the whole saloon (not into THIS MUCH fringe, even on someone like Cate Blanchett).

Melissa McCarthy

First of all, she looks absolutely beautiful except for the dress. Second, the dress isn’t exactly her fault – these awards shows really emphasize that a lot of designers don’t know what to do with anyone over a size 6 or so. Third, I still wish Melissa would find a way to stay away from these dresses that look like garbage bags.

Kate Hudson in Michael Kors

Remember when I referenced my 2003 prom talking about Brie Larson? Yeah. This one is actually straight off of an early 2000s prom rack. It reminds me of something Britney Spears or Keira Knightly would have worn 13 years ago, which isn’t soon enough for a revival in my book. The matching choker doesn’t help.

 

Giuliana Rancic in Alex Perry

Take the same dress, give it cap sleeves, and it would be fine (-ish).

 Wiz Khalifa in Thom Browne

Wiz Khalifa looked like he was having a blast, which is great. I just wish he’d take off the sunglasses, wear long pants, and tidy up his tie.

Traci’s Picks

Taylor Schilling in Thakoon

As I mentioned with Taraji, sometimes the outfit wears you instead of the other way around. Taylor made my best dressed both at the 2014 Emmys and 2015 Golden Globes, but I’m not feeling it this year. That blazer – and I know she loves low-cut tops – and the glitter pant combo? Sorry, not for me.

Patricia Arquette in Paule Ka

Instead of putting a bird on it, Patricia misheard and put a *bow* on it.

Jane Fonda in Saint Laurent Paris

Jane Fonda is 78 and has a rockin bod. Remember this electric gown from Cannes last year? While this kind of shows her frame off, that top is not doing her any favors. She looks like the roof of a Spanish style house.

Cate Blanchett in Givenchy

Cate Blanchett – amazing actress, okay red carpet star.

Regina King in Krikor Jabotian

As much as I love a cape, it needs to be utilized in the right fashion. Lupita’s GG cape? Yes. J Lo’s GG cape? Yes. Regina’s sheer fabric ‘cape’? Nope.

 

Live Blog: Golden Globes 2016

Well folks, it’s that time of year again – awards season kicks off Sunday with the Golden Globes! Although it will be spearheaded by Ricky Gervais and not our queens Tina and Amy, we’re still chronicling the event with our live blog starting 8p EST/5p PST (friendly reminder to refresh this page every few minutes or so to see our live post!). Also join us on Twitter here to get up-to-the-second quips and comments!

Preshow:

M: Jaimie Alexander is wearing Genny and looks like a dream, proving that a lot of the times the lesser-known designers make the best showing.

But Eva Longoria is also wearing a lesser-known designer and it’s one of those dresses where I need someone to tell me how I feel about it because I can’t decide.

The show starts in 10 minutes and I’m getting very nervous that we won’t get Kate and Leo in the same frame. Just seat them together, give the people what they want.

Rooney Mara’s braid is so hefty and sturdy it took me a full minute to realize that she’s wearing Cinderella’s dress after the stepsisters rip it.


I don’t mean this as an insult even a bit: Kirsten Dunst just looks right with a Minnesota accent coming out of her mouth. I might be thinking of her American Girl doppelganger, Kristen Larson.

The Golden Globe Awards

M: Ricky Gervais opens with a glass of beer and quips about NBC being impartial (because nothing is nominated), Sean Penn (snitch) and Caitlyn Jenner (not doing much for women drivers).

Some more topics include child molestation and equal pay, we’re all having a blast here!

I want to watch this show in the context of a pajama party with Tina, Amy and a lot of snacks.

Channing Tatum is wearing a terrible undercut like I see on buses and trains a lot. Jonah Hill is wearing a terrible bear hat. I don’t know which is worse. Maybe let’s stop trying to be funny and announce an award.

T: There are more bleeps for this bear than Ricky Gervais’ entire monologue. What in the hell could they be saying.

M: There’s a wind storm here, I thought that was my tv!

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Jane Fonda, Youth

Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight

Helen Mirren, Trumbo

Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

Traci’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

If you noticed, Alicia Vikander was nominated for two Golden Globes in two separate categories, so she’s clearly a favorite either way. But I think this movie will take the cake.

Molly’s Pick: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

I’ve heard good things about her in this one.

Winner: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

M: Kate. We don’t have to Taylor Swift it here, Kate. You win things sometimes.

T: BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS. WHERE IS LEO. This moment is also reminiscent of the time she won and was saying, ‘Composure’ to herself (or something like that). *Update – it was ‘Gather’, when she won for Revolutionary Road A MOVIE WITH LEO.

M: YES. I watched the whole time she was walking up to the stage waiting for Leo to pop up.

~*NVR 4GET*~

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited-Series, or TV Movie

Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Regina King, American Crime

Judith Light, Transparent

Maura Tierney, The Affair

Traci’s Pick: Regina King, American Crime

I’m voting for the person who would give a great speech. Uzo follows closely behind.

Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black

Winner: Maura Tierney, The Affair

T: Oh man. 0 for 2 already. I’m off to a great start!

M: I almost picked her! If I’d known she was going to wear glasses tonight I would have. Very Serious Actress.

Maura Tierney just called herself a “four eyes,” like she’s Karen Brewer and and this is a Baby Sitter’s Little Sister Super Special.

T: Every time I see the crawls on the bottom of the screen promoting a new NBC show, it reminds me of that Community bit:

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy

Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

Jamie Lee Curtis, Scream Queens

Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin

Lily Tomlin, Grace & Frankie

Traci’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

But really, Amy Poehler.

Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

It seems like JLV wins every time nobody else is the clear favorite.

Winner: Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

M: NO WAY. I think she’s incredible in Crazy Ex Girlfriend but I never thought it was even on the radar.

T: The HFPA loves newcomers! Should I watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend tho?

M: You’d really like it!

T: Judging on that freeze frame Rachel just did at the end of her speech, I’d have to agree.

Best TV Series, Comedy

Casual

Mozart in the Jungle

Orange Is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Transparent

Veep

Traci’s Pick: Mozart in the Jungle

It’s worth noting that none of these shows are on a major network, which says a lot about the content that’s being created outside of the Big 5. Anyways, I think Veep had another excellent season, and I recently binged all of Casual, yet I have a feeling neither of those will win. Mozart in the Jungle is my pick, just because it’s weird enough. Is it weird? IDK, I’m assuming bc Gael Garcia Bernal is in it.

Molly’s Pick: Transparent

It’s really good, although I agree that Veep had a great season awards voters usually love voting for the first season of shows.

Winner: Mozart In The Jungle

M: I don’t even know what the premise is. Is there Mozart, even? Or a real jungle? Also what sort of weird order are these awards in.

T: The Mozart is the conductor… the jungle is… the venue.?

M: That’s some kind of bullshit.

M: Everything I think I know about Carol is actually from that Tina Fey/Amy Poehler sketch where Kenan is directing them to act like it’s The Jeffersons.

M: There’s really no In Memorium? I love it. I will listen to any old foreign man they want to bring out to the stage.

T: I could’ve sworn they’ve done it before! Also this dude is like Roberto Benigni’s older brother. Or he’s just Italian.

T: Ooooooohhh that was a low blow to Batfleck! But also probs true?

M: Oh, it’s absolutely true.

Best TV Movie or Limited-Series

American Crime

American Horror Story: Hotel

Fargo

Flesh and Bone

Wolf Hall

Traci’s Pick: Fargo

I heard Landry was good in it. Relatedly – should I watch Flesh and Bone? And American Crime?

Molly’s Pick: Fargo

Winner: Wolf Hall

M:  I don’t know what Wolf Hall is.

T: What is happening?? Wolf Hall is the sequel to Homeland, in which Brody is alive.

Best Actor in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Idris Elba, Luther

Oscar Isaac, Show Me a Hero

David Oyelowo, Nightingale

Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall

Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Traci’s Pick: Idris Elba, Luther

It would be great if it was a tie between my bb Idris and the Internet’s new BF Oscar, but people love Luther.

Molly’s Pick: Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Winner: Oscar Isaac

T: Ughhh I was going to pick him too!! FOR THE RECORD: OSCAR ISSAC HAS BEEN SLAYING SINCE INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS. #Smokeshow

M: Yeah, he has, but this is the month we all got crushes on him, though, right? And by “we all” I mean both the internet and the HFPA.

T: Guys, it’s true. The Internet loves Oscar Isaac.

M: Tom Ford and Lady Gaga – if this isn’t a wardrobe category I’ll be disappointed. Wait, does Golden Globes even have those though? I want to say no.

T: Yeah, they do not. Unfortunately.

T: Alan Cumming werk those glasses.

M: He is such an adorable person.

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie

Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline

Tobias Menzies, Outlander

Christian Slater, Mr. Robot

Traci’s Pick: Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Has anyone else finished this season of Homeland? It’s actually really good. Damian Lewis is still *SPOILER ALERT* dead.

Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

I just really like him! (And no, I hadn’t seen this season of Homeland. Ahem. JK I haven’t seen an episode, that meant nothing to me).

Winner: Christian Slater

M: My concept of Christian Slater is frozen in like 1993, when I’d read about him in my sister’s 17 Magazines.

T: Christian Slater just gave Leo a handshake on his way up and that’s all I care about.

M: Oh, so Leo is WITHIN HANDSHAKE DISTANCE OF THE STAGE, KATE.

T: BITCH MISSED HER CHANCE. GIVE THE SHIPPERS WHAT THEY WANT.

someone actually made this

M: Oh great, there’s an adaptation of War and Peace coming out. Can’t wait! (JK never been into it.)

T: Jamie Foxx’s daughter is Miss Golden Globes this year, and I’d like to say that’s why he’s hamming it up right now, but let’s be real. He’s always like this.

M: Ugh Jamie you are EXHAUSTING. He just “read” Straight Outta Compton on the card, then held the real card up for all of us to read before announcing it. YOUR DAUGHTER IS EMBARRASSED.

T: Bless Lily James. What a delightful creature who has to deal with Jamie Foxx rn.

T: UGH QUENTIN. STOP I CANNOT WITH YOU. Nobody asked for this. Ennio’s name was on the envelope. IDEC that he’s not there.

M: Like 25% of the audience is making the face we are right now, and the other 75% want to but can’t because of face surgeries and injections.

T: Is Jane Fonda’s husband/boyfriend/male companion awake?

T: Yo, Jamie def just threw shade at Quentin for using the term “ghetto”. I knew he was going to get shit for that.

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Rami Malek, Mr. Robot

Wagner Moura, Narcos

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul

Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Traci’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Jon Hamm always and forever, both at awards shows and in my heart.

Molly’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Just give him a farewell Golden Globe, why don’t you?

Winner: Jon Hamm

T: I lit’rally just started clapping to myself for Hamm. Get it done sir… “Thanks for not taking my advice and ending the entire series on Chumbawumba. You picked the right song.” WHY DIDN’T MORE PEOPLE LAUGH AT THIS JOKE

T: A-Schu and J-Law is the best presenter match-up since Wiig & Ferrell in ’13

M: Love Amy’s celebrity couple names: Amy-Tom Ford. Amy-All The Hemsworthes. Fav celeb friendship, right there.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Christian Bale, The Big Short

Steve Carell, The Big Short

Matt Damon, The Martian

Al Pacino, Danny Collins

Mark Ruffalo, Infinitely Polar Bear

Traci’s Pick: Matt Damon, The Martian

I honestly don’t know anymore – I haven’t seen any of these movies.

Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, The Big Short

What the heck even is Infinitely Polar Bear? Sounds like a fake band name.

Winner: Matt Damon, The Martian

M: Honestly,  I should have picked him. But WHO IS AT TABLE 10? (Probably people from his movie, but.)

T: I haven’t seen The Martian, but honestly is it a comedy? Kristen Wiig and Donald Glover were in it, so yeah?

T: IT’S BEEN 18 YEARS SINCE GOOD WILL HUNTING??

M: NO WAY. It’s been AN ENTIRE ADULT PERSON since Good Will Hunting.

Also, Matt Damon, paraphrased: “Oh, I just make little movies nobody sees, la la la.”

Best Animated Feature Film

Anomalisa


The Good Dinosaur


Inside Out


The Peanuts Movie

Shaun the Sheep Movie

Traci’s Pick: Inside Out

*screams with tears* INSIDE OUT IS A FILM FOR ADULTS

Molly’s Pick: Inside Out

Why yes, I HAVE cried just thinking about it.

Winner: Inside Out

M: “Growing up is really hard and that’s a worthy subject to make a movie about” – best elevator pitch for an animated film, ever.

T: So technically Amy Poehler just won another Golden Globe, is how I just took this.

T: People are yelling “WOOWWWW” to Ryan Gosling & Brad Pitt on stage together, which, I mean is completely fair. ALSO BRAD IS ACTUALLY BENJAMIN BUTTON-ING

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Paul Dano, Love & Mercy

Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies

Michael Shannon, 99 Homes

Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Traci’s Pick: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Ok I DID see two of these, including my bae Idris and Sly in Creed. Like I said before, HFPA has a sweet spot for veteran Hollywood stars, so they’ll want to give this to Rocky.

Molly’s Pick: Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

No clue. I just like looking at him.

Winner: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

M: Rocky films should win every award just because the music is so good for walking up to the podium.

T: This moment is why the HFPA votes for people like Sylvester Stallone. Everyone gives him a standing ovation because they know he deserves it for his career *not* just for Creed. Also, good publicity for the org. But I mean, he was great in the movie.

M: I’ve never seen any of the Rocky movies … I used to live like a 2 minute walk from the Rocky steps in Philly so the closest I’ve been them is watching tourists pose at the top. Still, he seems like such a stand-up guy (and they’re on my to-watch list I swear).

T: Mark Wahlberg hates that he has to do these bits, probably.

M: I might hate that he has to, too.

T: I feel like a writer found those 2016 glasses in the corner of the writers’ room and was like, ‘I mean I guess we could do a joke about these?’ That writer was Carrot Top.

T: UPDATE – LEO SAID THIS ON THE RED CARPET. OBVIOUSLY ABOUT KATE.

M: OTP.

T: Where even is Kate? Stop doing press and get back with Leo.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Emma Donoghue, Room

Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

Charles Randolph, Adam McKay, The Big Short

Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

Quentin Tarantino, The Hateful Eight

Traci’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I need to see Spotlight.

Molly’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I haven’t seen Room, but I read the book and I’m secretly pulling for Emma Donoghue because it was great (also because I’d like her, Saoirse Ronan, and Caitriona Balfe to pull a massive sweep for Ireland).

Winner: Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

M: While they were announcing this, I amended my wish to “anything but Quentin Tarantino”. Didn’t want to listen to him again.

T: SPEAKING OF PROPS. AZIZ WITH A BOOK TITLED ‘HOW TO LOSE TO JEFFREY TAMBOR WITH DIGNITY’ Like he legit had that made specifically for this moment. Praise. 

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy

Aziz Ansari, Master of None

Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Rob Lowe, The Grinder

Patrick Stewart, Blunt Talk

Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Traci’s Pick: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Gael.

Molly’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

I always have a Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney thing with Gael Garcia Bernal and Gabriel Garcia Marquez (except even more confusing because one is a Mexican actor and one’s a Colombian novelist).

Winner: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

M: Really did think it would be Jeffrey Tambor!

T: Well, clearly my thought process has been validated.

T: FUCKING FINALLY

M: As far as I’m concerned we can all go to bed now.

T: I honestly forgot Ricky was hosting.

M: The latest joke (that Brad and Angelina will want to adopt Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong) goes over better than most of them have.

Best Actress in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

Sarah Hay, Flesh & Bone

Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Queen Latifah, Bessie

Traci’s Pick:  Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

I think the HFPA just want a reason to help Gaga EGOT.

Molly’s Pick: Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

She should win, anyway. She was incredible.

Winner: Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

T: I’m gonna be honest with you I’m crying. I’ve never even seen the show.

M: I’ve only seen clips but I wasn’t impressed … and I STG Kirsten Dunst was amazing in Fargo.

T: IT IS SO QUIET IN THE BALLROOM BC HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO REACT.

M: Gaga. You seem like a sweet enough person but nobody has to thank Ryan Murphy.

T: ALSO – GAGA KNOCKED LEO’S ARM AND HE REACTED IN A WAY THAT IS… I’M READY FOR THE GIF.


M: Have they been letting her talk for the past like 15 minutes? Gaga says she’s “truly speechless” but I don’t know, that was a lot of talking, Stefani.

M: If Zooey Deschanel’s going to grow out her bangs and part them in the middle and Katy Perry’s going to cut hers shorter and part them in the middle, eventually they’re going to merge and none of us will know the difference.

T: Sam Smith is snatching that EGOT. Get. it.

T: For those keeping track – in the past 15 minutes, Lady Gaga and Sam Smith won Golden Globes, and Katy Perry presented with a Bump It in her hair (seriously). Welcome to 2016.

M: I’ve forgotten to keep track of which celebs seem drunk and which seem high, but if I were there I’d be grabbing Ricky’s drink off the podium to get through this event.

T: “I love seeing Ricky every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy.” What are the odds Mel hired a team of writers for that come back? Like in 2013? And they’ve been working on it ever since?

M: I just said “oh, no” out loud during the Mad Max segment because I’m afraid when it gets nominated for an Oscar I’m going to feel like I have to see it.

T: Ugh same.

Best TV Series, Drama

Empire

Game of Thrones

Mr. Robot

Narcos

Outlander

Traci’s Pick: Mr. Robot

My strategy has been and always will be ‘pick the weirdest, buzziest show/star to win the Golden Globes’. Mr. Robot is loved by critics and TV nerds. If any other show were to win, it might be Game of Thrones, but, like Molly, I’ve never seen it and it’s our best guess as to what’s going on in that show.

Molly’s Pick: Game of Thrones

Although since this is for season 1 of Empire, I’d like to see it win (season 2… nah).

Winner: Mr. Robot

M: Traci, can you explain what this is even about in a few words, because I have no clue?

T: Hackers. Internet. Christian Slater.

M: Hmm. I think I already have enough shows. Thanks.

T: Same. ALSO I just put it together than Emmy Rossum’s fiance is the creator/EP of Mr. Robot?

M: When did Emmy Rossum become the establishment, anyway?

T: …. Phantom? Shameless? I’m out.

M: Yeah gotta be Shameless. I feel like the only person who saw Phantom.

T: Just the two of us. *cut to Will Smith*

T: Give Tom Hanks an Emmy for this Denzel Washington impression. And for that whole speech.

T: HE GOT GAME WAS SO GOOD. I mean, all of Denzel’s movies, but also like, that one. Also also, there was a time when I met Denzel Washington and I always forget I did that.

M: I always forget you did too!

T: YOOOOOO IS THIS DENZEL’S SON (also i love that he brought his fam up)

M: Yeah I called Denzel’s adult children ‘adorable’ during the preshow and I stand by it 100%.

M: Denzel’s wife helping him read his writing like they’re all of our moms and dads instead of special, beautiful people, I love it.

M: Why doesn’t anyone in this crowd quiet down when someone starts talking? Waiting for a presenter to pull the teacher thing where they stand up there and say “I’ll wait” then stare at you.

T: Breaking: “What the fuck does sugartits even mean?” -Gervais to Gibson.

(btw: “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” – Mel Gibson to female police officer during 2006 DUI arrest)

M: What’s the point of this ‘banter’ that gets censored anyway? [but yes. What DOES sugartits even mean?]

T: According to Urban Dictionary (the go-to reference for 25+ humans)

  1. Describing a female with a deligtfully sweet bosom; a delicious pair of breasts.

“What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” said the inebriated Mel Gibson to the arresting deputy.

M: I have obviously been watching this soulless awards show too long because that almost sounded sweet. (Except the Mel Gibson part.)

Best Director – Motion Picture

Todd Haynes, Carol

Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Tom McCarthy, Spotlight

George Miller, Mad Max

Ridley Scott, The Martian

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Leo.

Molly’s Pick: George Miller, Mad Max

Sometimes the HFPA goes for the director of these more “genre” films, so why not. But Inarritu is probably a better guess.

Winner: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, The Revenant

M: This also means I’ll probably feel like I have to see The Revenant, and I love Leo and I like nature OK but I’m just not interested.

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama

Caitriona Balfe, Outlander

Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder

Eva Green, Penny Dreadful

Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Traci’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Give this woman an award already.

Molly’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Again, especially because we’re talking about season 1. But if Caitriona Balfe wants to win the Irish trifecta I wouldn’t complain.

Winner: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

M: Did she bake these cookies or order them from a bakery because either scenario is adorable.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

Melissa McCarthy, Spy


Amy Schumer, Trainwreck



Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van


Lily Tomlin, Grandma

Traci’s Pick: Amy Schumer, Trainwreck

It’s going to be a tough call between the BFFs in the category, but I’m giving the edge to Amy, since the HFPA tends to like newcomers with a lot of buzz and really old people/Hollywood veterans.

Molly’s Pick: Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van

Who could ever choose between any of these ladies?

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

M: … with Amy Schumer starting a standing ovation like a true pal.

T: Love it. But also maybe should’ve been a tie between them!

M: How I know I’m getting old: I look at celebs already well into their 20s (Jennifer Lawrence) and think things like “I’m so proud of how she’s growing up!”

T: “Welcome back to the Golden Globes, here is Tobey Maguire” aka remember this guy?? He used to be relevant once upon a time.”

T: Lit’rally four people in a row referenced Tobey & Leo’s “Pussy Posse” on Twitter rn.

M: Never forget. Even if you want to, you can’t.

M: The disconnect between Jim Carey’s head hair and beard hair textures is really throwing me off.

M: New theory: the round tables at the Golden Globes make it really awkward because half of the people have to either turn their chairs or sit sideways, so the most important people get the locations where you get to sit facing the stage.

T: Next thing you know, the censor’s going to bleep out the winner for Best Motion Picture, Drama

Best Motion Picture, Comedy

The Big Short

Joy

The Martian

Spy

Trainwreck

Traci’s Pick: The Big Short

The Big Short is critically acclaimed, but so is Trainwreck. The Globes are usually an indicator of who’s going to win the Oscars, so my bet is that Amy Schumer’s not going to win an Oscar any time soon (as much as I would love her to).

Molly’s Pick:  Joy

I saw Joy, and I guess I chuckled a few times but it wasn’t really a *comedy* in the same way Trainwreck was. Awards shows eat that shit up.

Winner: The Martian

M: As far as I’m concerned, the nominees were two comedies and three movies where maybe you chuckle a few times.

Martian “began with a very smart book.” You know, like ALL the best comedies.

T: I’ve checked out, Ridley Scott. Unless you’re going to burst out into song from Avenue Q in this speech, this film was not a musical nor a comedy.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Cate Blanchett, Carol

Brie Larson, Room

Rooney Mara, Carol

Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn

Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

Traci’s Pick: Brie Larson, Room

I only hear great things about Brie Larson in this movie, so I’m going with her, even though I secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win because I could listen to her talk for days.

Molly’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

I think Brie Larson and Alicia Vikander are the most buzz-y this year. But Cate Blanchett has a good shot if the voters go for the establishment. I also secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win, though. I just love her.

Winner: Brie Larson, Room

M: For the record, I have been watching my television for three and a half hours and haven’t heard Saoirse Ronan speak ONCE. Didn’t even know she was there til now. Anyway congrats, Brie.

T: She spoke on E! earlier and it was the highlight of the pre-show.

M: I’ve really got to get cable.

T: Brie Larson is such a delight! Before the show, she said she talked to Emma Stone who gave her a pep talk and said, “You’re gonna have the best time – you’re inside the TV!”. This is the type of speech I’m into.

M: Yes, everyone take a page from her book!

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama


Bryan Cranston, Trumbo


Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant


Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs


Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl


Will Smith, Concussion

Traci’s Pick: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant

Molly’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl

Unless he’s So Last Awards season.

Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

M: I know! Now I can picture her applauding throughout the entire speech.

T: Let’s just take a mo to remember when Kate professed her love for Leo (and kept saying “Gather” to herself) at the Globes a few years ago:

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Carol

Mad Max: Fury Road

The Revenant

Room

Spotlight

Traci’s Pick: Spotlight

Spotlight’s been picking up a lot of steam this awards season, but if any film is a close runner-up, it’s going to be Mad Max: Fury Road. Both of these movies I have not seen.

Molly’s Pick: Spotlight

It seems like the most likely candidate. I also haven’t seen it.

Winner: The Revenant

T: Well, I was going to see this anyways, but ok.

M: Usually the keywords “epic biographical Western” would put me off it, but for Leo, okay.

T: If we can’t listen to Saoirse, I’d listen to Alejandro.

M: Too bad, because I think they cut him off. Meanwhile we had to listen to a 5-minute speech for an award Quentin Tarantino didn’t even win.

T: Hollywood, amirite?

M: I legit almost ended with “that’s Hollywood” with a shrug-face emoji.

T: “From myself and Mel Gibson, shalom” Oh boy drag him, Ricky.

M: If for no other reason than sticking it to Mel Gibson, I think Ricky did an OK job.

T: Agreed. And now we all have Sugartits back in our vocabulary in 2016, so thank you.

Goodnight from our sugartits to yours (no? not using it right? need to look up the definition again?) and be sure to come back tomorrow for our Best and Worst Dressed post. Thanks for reading!

Golden Globes 2015 – Best and Worst Dressed

With the Golden Globes last night, we’re officially in awards season mode. Queens Tina and Amy made their third and final appearance as hosts, our love for Amal ‘The dress is Dior Couture by the gloves are my own’ Clooney grew even more, and for some reason, the tears were flowing so much that you’d think we had watched the last 8 hours of Titanic during the show.

That being said, the Globes came and went as fast as Leo DiCaprio’s model girlfriends, and with the 2015 ceremony behind us, we’re picking our hits and misses on the red carpet. Are your faves on the list?

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Amal Clooney in Dior

The dress was vintage Dior. The gloves were her own. She accessorized with a Je Suis Charlie pin. You win the night, Amal. I appreciate an understated look with one fashion risk tossed in, erring on the side of classy risk (gloves) not tacky (crotch-high slits).

 

Kate Beckinsale in Elie Saab

So, I’ve never thought to myself “Kate Beckinsale: fashion icon” – more like “Kate Beckinsale: which one is she?” because I always have to think about who she is vs. Kate Bosworth. But Beckinsale keeps nailing it on the red carpet, so I have a feeling I’ll be a lot better at remembering which one she is in the future. This is the rare gown that – if you click through to the source – actually looks better on her than it did on the runway, with the neckline altered to be slightly less plunging. I love the dark nails, clean makeup, and after several years of tousled waves on the red carpet, even the tidy updo is refreshing.

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

I was about to write this off as too bridal at first. But honestly, brides WISH they could look this good. This is how a fairly simple design concept can look amazing: perfect tailoring, an interesting brocade fabric, and accessories – it wouldn’t work without that belt. If I could change anything, I’d ditch the bridal-white clutch and swap the dainty silver bangle for a thinner, more solid bracelet.

Julianne Moore in Givenchy

Usually sequins and feathers would get a big “no, not really” from me. But leave it to the preferred designer of Audrey Hepburn to nail it with a minimalist neckline and bodice and silvery ombre.

Matt Bomer in Ralph Lauren Black Label

Okay, boys. THIS is how you do non-black Black Tie. In a decade’s time, these ’50s-influenced, slim-cut tuxedos are going to look so 2010s. I don’t even care. I’m so over those schlumpy, baggy tuxedo pants that look like they could be concealing a diaper.

Honorable Mention: Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani – that little munchkin is dressed exactly how an 11-year-old nominated for her performance in Annie should be. And Tina Fey’s tuxedo, because good Lord, that wasn’t even fair.

Traci’s Picks

Diane Kruger in Emilia Wickstead

Golden Globe Awards? More like SILVER Globe Awards, amirite?? Diane was just one of the many stars wearing a shimmery silver last night, including Julianne Moore, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Lopez, Dakota Johnson, etc. etc. But I think Diane wore it best – it’s not too outlandish like JLo’s, but it’s also not as simple as Reese’s. There’s more too it than just a gown. It has depth and lines – but let’s be real, if anyone else wore this, it wouldn’t look as good.

 

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

She may not have walked away with an award last night, but Emily is certainly on the top of a lot of best dressed lists today. She looks like a goddess (said in my head with a British accent like ‘god-DESS’) in this flowing white gown. She paired it perfectly with the pop of color with her bracelet and earrings and a perfect braid atop her head. Flawless.

 

Chrissy Teigen in Zuhair Murad

Being a model, Chrissy has a penchant for hitting her red carpet look out of the park, and this was no exception. I feel like in person, this baby pink lace dress is even more impressive, and that makes me love it even more. And although John Legend won last night, Chrissy of course made her mark by getting caught making this face, and within minutes she was an internet meme. God bless.

 

Taylor Schilling in Ralph Lauren

As I’m typing this I just realized I also chose Taylor for one of my Best Dressed at the Emmys last year, so I guess she’s killing it on the red carpet as of late? Any type of gown that flares out like that reminds me of a classing Hollywood style, which is perfect for this event. It’s simple yet sexy, and if only she had changed her makeup a little, this would’ve been the perfect look.

 

Emma Stone in Lanvin

Boy, do I enjoy a good pantsuit. I love when ladies say ‘screw traditional women’s fashion – i’m gonna wear pants!’. (BTW best dressed not on my list includes Tina Fey in that tux that made me question my sexuality for a second). Anyways, Emma is the type of gal who can make this look classy yet fun, and that sash – THAT SASH is the perfect accessory. Also, pockets. What girl doesn’t love pockets?!

 

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Katie Holmes in Marchesa

This shape and color is perfect for the erstwhile Josephine Potter. So what’s the problem? Easy: that it’s one of those fabrics that creases in a not-so-attractive way when you wear it. I really feel for Katie Holmes here – how many of us have been there with something that looks awesome when you try it on, and becomes a wrinkly mess after 10 minutes of sitting and moving around?

Keira Knightley in Chanel

This is a dress worth breaking our usual taboo over having too much overlap on our lists. It’s like part Delia*s, part prom dress from The Virgin Suicides, part Wendy Darling’s nightgown. Hey, at least she tried something?

Conchita Wurst

Conchita Wurst’s fame hasn’t really reached U.S. shores yet, but I’m feeling pretty “you do you” about the beard. The internet might have room for fashion police, but not gender binary police. I just don’t like how the dress reminds me of a Halloween costume for Hot Rose Dewitt Bukater. There’s also some poor timing going on – it reminds me of that much-maligned green dress that took Twitter by storm last week.

Kristin Dos Santos in Walter Mendez

This cut makes her look weirdly bottom-heavy.  If you erase everything from a few inches above the knee on down the dress looks great, so there’s something screwy about how the mermaid effect was tailored.

Alan Cumming in Calvin Klein

What even is this?

Traci’s Picks

Lana Del Rey in Travilla

Looks like Lana’s living out of the waters, probably gonna go spend a day warm on the sand. Thingamabobs? She’s got twenty.

 

Jemima Kirk in Rosie Assoulin

I’m all for a cape but Jemima, who has always been known for her eccentric fashion style, looks like she was dressing up to be Queen Elsa for her kids and found some fabric leftover from 1989 to throw on as a top. Also, she looks exactly like Selina Meyers’ daughter Katherine in Veep, no?

 

Jill Soloway in this suit

Props to Transparent creator Jill for rockin this suit, but I feel like I’ve zoomed into a Magic Eye book.

 

Katie Cassidy in Black Canary couture 

I think Katie Cassidy thought she was going to prom last night… but prom in like 2002.

 

Kiera Knightley in Chanel 

I’ve never been pregnant, but I imagine picking a dress for a high-profile event like the Golden Globes could be particularly daunting. But Kiera’s always been a fashion forward-type gal, so one would assume her style tastes wouldn’t change once she got preggo. Unfortch, that didn’t happen. She looks like a tablecloth from a grandma’s summer home up in the Adirondacks. And I just noticed the huge butterfly bracelet. Ring? Purse? In the words of Miley, ‘Butterfly fly away’.

 

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Live Blog: Golden Globes 2015

Happy Golden Globes day, friends! We look forward to this day every year, for a few reasons. It kicks off the start of awards season, it mixes the Hollywood elite with the charming folks of television, there is drinking involved, and for the past two years, our queens Amy and Tina have been the glorious hosts.

Also, if you want to follow along, fill out our handy dandy C+S Golden Globes ballot by clicking here!!

T: I’M ALREADY CRYING AS SOON AS AMY AND TINA APPEAR ON THE RED CARPET.

T: Hi Emily Blunt is gorge but why is JKras avoiding the interview??

T: I am dying over Amal Clooney’s white gloves, y’all. Like when is someone making a Twitter account for this? Also, when Ryan Seacrest asked who her gloves were by she said, “They’re my own.” OF COURSE THEY ARE.

M: YES. You can almost see Amal thinking “this is all very cute, but just so you all know, I have a REAL job.” Except more gracious.

T: She’s so much better than this. The woman wore a Dior Haute Couture gown because, and I quote, “In solidarity with the French people who have gone through a terrible week.” Like, you’re a better person than everyone on this carpet.

M: My over-the-top love for Amal Clooney finally makes me understand how baby boomer women feel about George Clooney.

T: Agreed. And mine is a newer love for her, kinda like the time everyone was freaking out about Kate Middleton and their wedding and I was all WTF she’s just human then I started watching it and next thing you know I’m up at 4am watching it and DVRing every possible special on their matrimony.

M: I tuned in around 7:30 only to be greeted by Emma Stone’s brother(?) wearing a men’s headband (headman-d?) and chewing gum. Queue my memory of our Italian high school Spanish teacher – got that? – telling us that chewing gum makes you look like a horse.

M: Reese Witherspoon is wearing a pretty silver number and walking with real-life Wild. Okay, not sure what her name is. Anyway you know how usually in biopics the actor is a significantly more attractive version of whoever they’re playing? Not here! Wild is really pretty.

M: Please, just one time, can Jennifer Aniston just say screw it and show up with The Rachel?

M: Lupita Nyong’o. Human flower petal. Jeeeez.

T: So clearly, if you watched the E! Red Carpet, Guliana’s love for George Clooney has pushed her to drinking multiple shots of his tequila and now she’s shitfaced. She’s the girl who you can tells is trying super hard to concentrate but is completely gone.

M: Also, Guliana is saying “selfie” like my parents do. Like, you can hear the quotes around it. Like it’s on this week’s vocab quiz.

M: Melissa McCarthy… first of all, beautiful. Second of all, sort of Annie Hall meets caterer or All-County Chorus? Maybe I’ll like it more tomorrow. Hair and face-wise, she’s looking amazing though.

T: Honestly though, as it gets closer to the beginning of the Golden Globes, I feel like a little kid on Christmas Day, but instead of opening presents, we’re opening the pure joy and delight of Tina and Amy.

T: THE QUEENS ARE ALREADY IN THEIR SECOND OUTFITS FOR THE NIGHT! Amy said on the red carpet, “We have about 50 outfit changes and 10 emotional changes”.

T: I don’t think I have seen Wes Anderson before? Maybe? Either way, yeah that’s what he should look like. Even his velour black tie is askew.

 

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie

Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Allison Janney, Mom
Michelle Monaghan, True Detective

Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba
Is it even a question?

Traci’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Uzo Aduba all day son. All friggin day.

WINNER: Joanne Froggatt

M: Anna had a hell of a season and all but I never thought Joanne Froggatt would have won.

T: Me either. I lit’rally said out loud: WHAT?!

M: Aw, she seems sweet. So I’m not TOO mad about Crazy Eyes.

M: Yes, Jennifer Lopez. We KNOW. You wear dresses like that.

Best Mini-Series Or TV Movie

Fargo
The Missing
The Normal Heart
True Detective
Olive Kitteridge

Molly’s Pick: The Normal Heart
I should probably watch True Detective, right?

Traci’s Pick: True Detective
For the record, I want The Normal Heart to win all the awards.

WINNER: Fargo

M: So, is Twitter alight with ‘Golden Globes’ jokes re: J. Lo’s boobs? Because those suckers are SPHERICAL.
…and I was typing that her co presenter Jeremy Renner just made one.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie

Martin Freeman, Fargo
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Molly’s Pick: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Because I don’t think you should have to listen to a McConaughey acceptance speech unless you’re stoned.

Traci’s Pick: Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Oblig McConissance, Alright x3, Time is a Flat Circle, etc.

WINNER: Billy Bob Thornton

M: This is that time every year or two when we all remember that Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie used to be a thing, and she wore his blood in a vial around her neck. I remember THAT but it’s a crisis every time I have to remember where my phone charger is.

M: If you missed the bit with the “North Korean journalist” and Meryl taking an iPhoto with a magazine so the show could continue… Check tumblr. I’m sure there will be a gif by the time we post this.

M: When they announce Lena Dunham’s nomination, all I can look at is the plate of tiny, beautiful cookies on her table. Oscars are classier but the Globes are definitely the show I’d want to be at.

T: MY EYES WENT TO THE COOKIES TOO.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black

Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
What I really want is an acceptance speech written in the voice of Selina Meyer.

Traci’s Pick: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Remember when Andy Samberg won last year? And everyone was like WTF (even tho I love him)? I feel like Gina is the wildcard this year to illicit the same reaction.

WINNER: Gina Rodriguez

T: Guys, I’m crying, and I don’t even watch Jane the Virgin.

M: I’m not just tearing up I am straight up CRYING. I mean to watch it, if that counts.

Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy

Girls
Jane the Virgin
Orange Is The New Black
Silicon Valley
Transparent

Molly’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
How have we never discussed our mutual love of Poussey Washington?

Traci’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
#PousseyWashingtonFTW

WINNER: Transparent

M: So, Transparent winning might be that extra push I need to finally subscribe to Amazon Prime.

T: LAWD THE TEARS AREN’T STOPPING. I didn’t realize this year’s Golden Globes was an episode of Parenthood.

M: YOU AREN’T KIDDING. Again, don’t even watch Transparent. This year’s Golden Globes scores a five on a scale from one to five Crying Dawsons.

5 crying dawsons

M: I even saw St. Vincent, yet every time they mention it I expect to see the musician by the same name.

T: Melissa McCarthy used her fashion skills to take the skirt from an old gown and mix it with that collared white top to make her dress tonight. I can barely sew up a hole in my leggings.

M: I have a shirt where the seams are ripping and I’m like “alright, we’ve had a good run, enjoy your new home at the Goodwill drop off shed.”

T: Johann Johannson (best name of the night, tbh) is from Iceland and for some reason I expected him to come out speaking like the Swedish chef. #typicalamerican

M: Yeah, and I also expect that everything he says will be all quirky and Bjorky. False advertising, Iceland Travel Bureau.

T: WTF Prince? Even Allison Janney was like fangirling and completely confused as to why he’s there.

M: The nominees in the original song category, though! Patti Smith?! Between that and Prince I’m caring way more about this category than I expected to.

Is Common the first person to thank God yet? That’s my favorite awards show trope. But his speech is great! Also, I was listening to the speech but hadn’t looked up at the screen yet, and I thought John Legend was speaking, and let me tell you, seeing Common when you’re expecting to see John Legend is a weird sort of jolt.

M: Joey Potter bought a LOT of hair to wear tonight. Also, I cannot see her without remembering Tina Fey’s story about how she said she was a good tap dancer, and was not. Hope they had a dance off backstage!

T: Reminder that BOTH Joey and Pacey are at the Golden Globes right now.

M: I’m going to need a picture. #OTP

f30c0-photoapr1311154am

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie

Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Colin Hanks, Fargo
Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing.

Traci’s Pick: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Again, The Normal Heart, all day every day, but Bill Murray is one of those people like Ellen Burstyn that is iconic enough that people will vote for him.

WINNER: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

M: YAY! Well, there go the waterworks.

T: Matt Bomer and The Normal Heart haven’t won enough awards, IMO.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
Helen Mirren, The Hundred-Foot Journey
Julianne Moore, Map to the Stars
Quvenzhane Wallis – Annie

Molly’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into The Woods
Amy Adams was great in Big Eyes, but I’ve never seen the Baker’s Wife be so lovable and funny and just fantastic.

Traci’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
I was just so enchanted with Emily Blunt in Into the Woods. I mean I’m always enchanted by her (and J Kras as a couple), but even more so in this film. Like everyone else, I didn’t know she could sing, and mix that with her excellent acting skills, she’s a standout in the movie.

WINNER: Amy Adams

M: Dude, “Quevenjohnny?” NOPE.

T: Yeah, still saying it wrong, man.

M: Yay! While I would have loved to see Emily Blunt win, Amy Adams was incredible in Big Eyes. My only qualm is that it didn’t read as a “comedy,” really. If we want to talk about comedic roles this year, I think the best might have been Jenny Slate in Obvious Child. Just understated and lovely.

M: We’re now at the Little Miss Nepotism portion of the evening (Miss Golden Globe, the child of a famous person, who does nothing).

Best Animated Feature Film

Big Hero 6
The Book Of Life
The Boxtrolls
How To Train Your Dragon 2
The LEGO Movie

Molly’s Pick: The LEGO Movie

I liked Big Hero 6 a lot, but the two nephews I went with (ages 5 and 3) hated it. Like, they were traumatized not by the movie but by the depth of their own hatred for it.

Traci’s Pick: The LEGO Movie

EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEE

WINNER: How To Train Your Dragon 2

M: I’m of the mind that nothing with “2” at the end of the title should ever receive an award.

T: Ahem *Sister Act 2*

M: Point taken. His eye really WAS on that sparrow. All the awards.

M: I have so much trouble remembering which one is Kate Hudson and which is Katherine Heigl.

M: Jared Leto’s hairline and eyes are so perfect and even that he looks like a limited-edition doll from the Ashton Drake galleries.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods

Molly’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Admittedly I haven’t seen A Most Violent Year, so Jessica Chastain could be a dark horse here.

Traci’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
This gal has been racking up awards this season, so unless Meryl pulls a Meryl, Patricia’s got this in the bag.

WINNER: Patricia Arquette

M: Whenever a celebrity thanks their kids, their names just sound like random sounds.

T: Patricia Arquette also has odd yet not Banjo odd kid names. Ugh, celebrities.

M: Yeah, not like fruit name-odd. Hey, everyone. As in all things, when naming a human being, be more like Meryl, Tina and Amy.

T: I just watched The Skeleton Twins the other day, and if you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you put it on your Netflix queue. Bill and Kristen are delightful and will make you laugh and cry. Who doesn’t want that in their life?

M: Seconded. It’s the perfect mix of laughing and crying. Joke with a tiny target audience: ” Kristen Wiig graduated from Brighton but she’s looking more Aquinas tonight… RIGHT?” (See, Kristen Wiig is from our hometown, and everyone at our high school was really tan all the time, whereas her school… Whatever. She’s TAN. OKAY?)

T: CLASSIC AQ V. BRIGHTON JOKE.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Birdman
Boyhood
Gone Girl
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game

Molly’s Pick: The Imitation Game

Traci’s Pick: Birdman
I haven’t seen Birdman, but sure, they’ve been winning a lot, so add this one to the trophy case too.

WINNER: Birdman

T: Oh my, Alejandro Inarritu’s accent is fantastic. He did the thing where people add an ‘s’ to the end of words, like “Thank you to Amy Ryans”. So glad he’s a frontrunner so we can experience more of his speeches in the next few months.

M: My favorite use of the superfluous S is in the movie Selena, because screw it, let’s just keep dating ourselves here. Selenasssss.

M: I was going to write something about Lily Tomlin but I put my cursor down and the only words I could form were LILY TOMLIN. Lily Tomlin. I feel about my childhood comedy heroes the way other people feel about Mr. Rogers or their first really great teacher.

T: Jane Fonda – proving her workout videos actually work since 1982.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Louis C.K., Louie
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Ricky Gervais, Derek
William H. Macy, Shameless
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Molly’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie
Wishful predicting: I expect to be bored for about half of this show and think a speech from Louis would really liven things up.

Traci’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
On my list of ‘shows I should probably watch during the summer hiatus’

WINNER: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

T: HERE COME THE WATERWORKS AGAIN.

M: Ha. I was just going to ask how you were holding up. Me too.

T: So the announcer took a struggle bus to say those guys’ names who won the Best Foreign Film award.

M: it’s like when a kid from the slow reading group would get called on to read aloud in elementary school. Cringe city.

T: You know that feeling when someone goes up to a microphone and they start talking and you get a feeling that they’re about to say something cringe-worthy and you just grip your seat hoping it doesn’t become embarrassing? Yeah, that was me with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Best Television Series – Drama

The Affair
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: House Of Cards
I love Downton but Traci’s right.

Traci’s Pick: House of Cards
I like Downton and all, but why are we still nominating them for things, folks?

WINNER: The Affair

T: Diane Kruger is exceptionally excited for Joshua Jackson’s win, so much so that I’m beginning to think he’s not actually still with Joey Potter…

M: Nah, Pacey & Joey forever. All my notebooks from 1998 can’t be wrong. It looked like some sort of funhouse with everyone filing in through a mirrored hallway.

Best Performance by an Actor in a TV Series – Drama

Clive Owen, The Knick
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Dominic West, The Affair

Molly’s Pick: James Spader, The Blacklist
How have I seen NONE of these?

Traci’s Pick: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
I feel like this is a weird category, maybe it’s because none of these are traditional network shows, but hey, that’s where TV is going these days. Anyways, Kevin Spacey is a scary breaking the fourth wall motherf’er.

WINNER: Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards

M: I’ll take your word for it, HFPA.

T: Too QT that Kevin and Kata Mara came together. #NoSpoilers

M: I can’t even figure out what could have gotten bleeped in that speech.

T: “It’s about fucking time?” Purely a guesstimate/wish of him saying that

M: I’d like that.

T: OMG I JUST REALIZED NURSE HATHAWAY IS PRESENTING THIS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD TO GEORGE CLOONEY. ONE OF THE OG OTPS.


“We all want to be a ‘F.O.G.’ (Friend of George) is that a thing that people say?? Also I feel like George is too “young” to be receiving this award? He’s like 50 something. People that get this award are like the old guy from The Holiday (RIP).

M: yeah, me too! You have to be collecting social security at least, but ideally be likely to die of natural causes inside of a decade.

Wait. The old guy from The Holiday died????

T: IRL, yeah. Last year. Eli Wallach 😦

M: Man. I usually don’t start my Sunday Night Cry til 11 or so.

T: I INTERRUPT GEORGE’S SPEECH TO ANNOUNCE THAT JARED LETO IS SPORTING A BRAID TONIGHT.

M: And he clearly did some kind of texturizing spray or backcombing.

T: WAIT I’M CRYING AGAIN BC GEORGE WAS JUST SINCERE WITH THAT SPEECH TO AMAL. I’M DYING.

M: George seems awesome, but I just wanna hang out with Amal and talk about when the US will ratify the Convention On Rights Of the Child, and nuclear nonproliferation, and what Oscar de la Renta was like. God I love Cool Lawyers.

Best Director – Motion Picture

Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ava Duvernay, Selma
David Fincher, Gone Girl
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Richard Linklater, Boyhood

Molly’s Pick: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
He may not be a likely winner but I’d like to see innovation awarded; just thinking of the directorial process when you’re working on the same story for a decade makes my head spin.

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Birdman
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association always has a tendency to like foreign people, so give it to this Mexican director, por favor.

WINNER: Richard Linklater, Boyhood

M: Dream couple here. Let’s skip the award and talk to the Pratt-Faris family.

Best Performance by an Actress In A TV Series – Drama

Claire Danes, Homeland
Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Robin Wright, House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: Claire Danes, Homeland
I hope that Viola Davis wins because I love her… But I’m also a proud member of the National Association Of Law School Graduates Who Couldn’t Get Through One Episode Of HTGAWM

Traci’s Pick: Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
HOOWWWW TO GET AWAYYYY WITH WINNING EVERY AWARD AS A HBIC.

WINNER: Ruth Wilson, The Affair

T: IDK if it’s because I don’t really like her character on The Affair, but I’m annoyed.

M: if you don’t get Showtime, is The Affair worth finding an, um, alternate way of watching it?

T: I exclusively find alternate ways of watching premium cable shows.

M: Yes, I’m a subscriber to “my parents don’t even know their HBO subscription comes with HBO GO” myself.

T: Also, this is how Viola Davis handled her night (as did Diane Kruger, which explains a lot). Oh hey Octavia Spencer. Love that they’re still friends.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Ralph Fiennes, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Michael Keaton, Birdman
Bill Murray, St. Vincent
Joaquin Phoenix, Inherent Vice
Christoph Waltz, Big Eyes

Molly’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman
Everyone I know who saw it is either super into Birdman or super NOT into it, but I’ve heard overall positive reviews of Keaton.

Traci’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman

A guy who played Batman IRL playing a fake actor who was famous for playing a super hero? Yeah, it’s about time he win a Golden Globe.

WINNER: Michael Keaton, Birdman

M: Is E Michael Keaton’s SL? Everyone’s eyes are saying “I have no clue what is happening.”

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Birdman
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Into the Woods
Pride
St. Vincent

Molly’s Pick: St. Vincent
Taking the middle approach between Birdman (likely winner) and Into The Woods (crowd pleaser). Besides, I really enjoyed this one.

Traci’s Pick: Birdman
Again, haven’t seen this, but I’m assuming the HFPA loves it.

WINNER: The Grand Budapest Hotel

T: Whoa. Grand Budapest Hotel coming in from behind! (That’s what she said) AND homeboy has a speech prepared. Also that movie’s cast is apparently a total sausage fest.

M: I liked Grand Budapest, I mean it was fine, but I think I like when Wes Anderson works in a smaller scope (see, eg, Moonrise Kingdom).

M: Does Matthew McConaughey always speak like a VoiceOver of Civil War soldier reading an old letter in a Ken Burns documentary?

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

Jennifer Aniston, Cake
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon, Wild

Molly’s Pick: Jennifer Aniston, Cake.
I can’t decide whether to pick who SHOULD win, who WILL win, or whose win would really make me happy based on what I’m Netflix binging. So, Jennifer Aniston.

Traci’s Pick: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
I’m afraid to watch Julianne Moore play a woman with alzheimer’s because it’s probably going to make me super sad, but I love her and she deserves this.

WINNER: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler
David Oyelowo, Selma
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Holy NOT Michael Scott. But hey, maybe David Oyelowo?

Traci’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
TBH, my choice is Steve Carell in Foxcatcher, because he was creepy as hellll and the polar opposite of everything you’ve seen him in. But Eddie Redmayne did the same thing, so he should win too.

WINNER: Eddie Redmayne

T: ‘Wow, what a category’ – Gwyneth Paltrow. Just gonna leave that there.

T: “How much are we gonna miss Amy and Tina” – Queen Meryl about Queens Tina and Amy’s last time hosting the Golden Globes. They still didn’t get enough air time, TBH.

M: I don’t know if I’m just greedy or what, but it seemed like even less this year.

T: Tina and Amy have been drinking since 10am this morning, let’s be real. Also if we’re being real, that Cho North Korea gag went on for too long. It also provided for less Tina/Amy time.

M: yes! I love her, but at an awards show I want quips, not gags.

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Boyhood
Foxcatcher
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything

Molly’s Pick: Boyhood
Well, it’s what I want to win, anyway.

Traci’s Pick: Boyhood
If you haven’t seen Boyhood, go right now or get it on DVD or whatever, because it is fantastic and nothing like I’ve ever seen before.

WINNER: Boyhood

T: Anyways, I’m really glad Boyhood won, because it’s one of my favorite movies of the year.

M: Agreed! Also, I’m now realizing that all of the movies and tv I watched this year were pretty lowbrow. Thanks, Hollywood Foreign Press Association!

Thanks for reading & watching with us! Until next time!

 

2014: A GIF-tastic Retrospective

Well we’re almost to the end of the year, folks. And that means you get to see Best Of lists everywhere you look. Including here. But rather than countdown our favorite albums or TV shows or Poehler moments, we’re opting to compile the best moments of the year in GIF form, one of the greatest gifts the Internet has ever given us. Did your faves make the list?

**Warning – this is obviously iamge heavy, so just be patient!

{January} Jennifer Lawrence being Jennifer Lawrence and sneaking up on Taylor Swift during the Golden Globes red carpet but not realizing she’s also in the show. And also on live TV.

{January} “I want you to know that the red underneath my shoes is my blood.” – Emma Thompson not giving any fucks while presenting at the Golden Globes {x}

{January} POEHLER FINALLY WON A GOLDEN GLOBE/AWARD AND I THOUGHT I WASN’T SEEING CORRECTLY BECAUSE OF MY TEARS OF JOY, BUT THIS MAKE OUT SESH WITH BONO REALLY DID HAPPEN.

{January} Good recovery on Swift’s part when she thought she won Best Album at the Grammys. Her team – not so much.

{January} Joe Biden being all Joe Biden-y at the State of the Union. John Boehner orange and bored, per usual.

{February} Bob Costas, Olympics broadcasting icon, got pink eye and we didn’t know what to do with ourselves, so we made this gif instead.

{February} Olympic ice skater Ashley Wagner calls bullshit with her horrible scores, becomes meme.

{February} Ice skater Jeremy Abbott falls rulll hard on the ice, slams into the wall, lays there for a bit, THEN GETS BACK UP AND FINISHES HIS ROUTINE.

{February} Jimmy Fallon takes over the Tonight Show and I sob like a baby.

{March} Jennifer Lawrence falls at the Oscars. Again. This time on the red carpet. On a traffic cone. Just getting out of the car. #Bless

{March} Still the best selfie ever taken in the storied history of selfies. (JLaw obvs said the boob comment)

{March} The time we all thought wecollectively had a stroke, then realized John Travolta just can’t read.

{March} And the entire world sobbed as Lupita won her first Oscar.

{March} Marshmallows united and wait 10 years for this. Worth it.

{April} In one of the final episodes of Mad Men, Ginsberg actually goes mad. Luckily, Ben Feldman is much more sane (and hot) than this.

{April} When the internet made the most of this cute chubby future king nugget

 

{April} Rita Ora became a national hero by ripping Zefron’s clothes off as he accepted his Best Shirtless Performance prize at the MTV Movie Awards

{May} Coming up – coming down – Solange kick yo ass up in a gownnn.

{May} The collective exclamation of How I Met Your Mother fans everywhere.

{May} This was a confusing thing Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culklin did.

{May} 50 Cent proves he’s much better at ANYTHING ELSE

{June} I didn’t care about the World Cup but I cared about this guy.

{July} A lot of celebrities died as part of the Sharknado 2 wrath

{August} Pratt.

{August} This lil guy.

{August} Ebola was a thing we freaked out about

{August} Andy Cohen takes a Belfie (butt selfie, obvs) with Kim K.

{August} People poured a bucket of ice water over themselves for charity and Ben Affleck pushed his wife into the pool.

{August} A joke set up at the beginning about their Seinfeld past paid off with this makeout sesh right before Julia Louis-Dreyfus accepted her 10,290th Emmy award. Bonus JFal.

{August} ‘Please welcome my beautiful, amazing, and talented friend: Beyonce!’

 

{August} Disregard Miley’s tears and put all your attention to the shade Katy Perry and Sam Smith are throwing in the back.

{August} Bow.Down.Bitches.

{August} If there’s anyone to upstage Beyonce while performing a 15 minute routine at the VMAs, it’s Blue Ivy. I’ve watched this Vine more times that I should admit.

{September} “This week, Amal Alamuddin, a brilliant Oxford educated human rights lawyer and former UN advisor settled for a 52 year old man.”

{September} Diamond Dan guys. Diamond FREAKING Dan.

{October} Taylor Swift became a pop star by doing this.

{December} Walken proved that you can just fake it til you make it if you’re in a live musical of Peter Pan

{December} This reunion made me feel all the feels.

{December} The King and Queen meet Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge

 

Golden Globes 2014 – Best and Worst Dressed

Well folks, with the Golden Globes behind us, awards season is officially in full swing. And with that, Hollywood’s best and brightest call up their designer friends (or really, vice versa) for hand-picked gowns which will either be feted or shat upon. and we’re here to add to the noise. Did your favorites make the list? Think we got it wrong? Let us know!

Traci’s Picks:

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren

I mean can you even. I remember when Gwyneth Paltrow was one of the first ladies to wear a cape to the red carpet– and I wasn’t sure about this new fad. However with Lupita I am SO SO SO into it. She looks flawless, with a beauty that isn’t trying too hard – or trying at all. She may not have won a Globe but she should be at the top of everyone’s best dressed lists.

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney

Well, no surprise here. Amy is wearing one of her fave designers and that friendship has worked to her advantage because the dress looks perfect on her (it’s worth noting that it was custom made for Queen Amy). The only thing that makes it look better – her Golden Globe.

Amy Adams in Marchesa

I love a good color block. And Amy looks gorge in this gown, which apparently was inspired by her American Hustle costumes. And I’m ok with it.

Olivia Wilde in Gucci

It delights me when pregnant celebs opt to show off their baby bumps but still manage to look glamorous at the same time. This is pregnancy chic, y’all.

Sarah Hyland in Georges Hobieka

Sarah Hyland is usually on the cusp of my lists- either for the better or the worse but this time around it’s for the better. She looks ethereal in this flowing salmon dress and her Valentino runway inspired hair is the perfect match for the gown.

Worst Dressed

Paula Patton in Stephane Rolland Couture

Paula Patton’s dress at the Golden Globes or a Georgia O’Keefe painting come to life? Talk about your Blurred Lines. Amirite, ladies?

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung

Oh Zoe. You’re usually on top of it on the red carpet, but instead, you took it, chopped it up and vomitted it back out and came back with this thing.

Edie Falco in Lanvin

I wouldn’t pin Edie Falco as a fashion trendsetter per say, but she’s been to enough of these awards shows to know that this does not look good – either IRL or on camera. It looks like she got some satin from the sheets of Hugh Hefner’s bed and placed it on top of her person. Stop imagining Hefner’s bed.

Drew Barrymore in Monique Luhillier

Remember what I said about pregnancy chic? Yeah, this isn’t it. Bless. Still love you Drew.

Bernice Bejo in Giambattista Valli

If you’re wondering who this is, you’ll probably remember her as the girl in The Artist, you know that huge movie from a couple years ago? Yeah. It’s been a while since she’s see these awards shows, so let’s just blame it on that.

Molly’s Picks:

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren

Just really shamelessly getting another picture of Lupita Nyong’o onto the site. Traci nailed it: Nyong’o isn’t even trying to be so beautiful (short hair, light makeup), she just IS. So, the perfect dress for her has a bit of interest (the cape) but is otherwise minimalist so the focus is on Lupita, not the clothes.

Michelle Dockery in Oscar De La Renta

Be sure to look at some close-ups of the pattern and beading on this. As a fellow milk-white person, I appreciate how Dockery really sells her coloring. Elegant works better for Michelle’s look than edgy, and she knows it, but the mullet skirt adds an on-trend touch.

Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive

Somehow, despite being a gown of sheer black lace with Swarovski crystals on the tulle-lined skirt, this manages to look restrained. In close-ups, the bodice is beautifully constructed.

Mila Kunis in Gucci

There’s restraint, and then there’s “screw it, this is one of the most formal events a person gets to go to and I’m going to wear a fabulous metallic silver gown.” I like that approach, too. The delicate lower part of the skirt balances the heavy metallics and bold neck detail.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta

I’ll be honest: this actually falls somewhere between best and worst for me, but it’s getting a lot of buzz and I think we should talk about it. I can’t decide whether I LOVE the monochrome, multi-textured look as a whole, but the individual pieces (shoes! crop top!) are fab. I think there was something “off” about Deschanel’s eye makeup, because every time I saw her I thought she looked different than usual around the eyes – sleepy, almost.

Worst Dressed

Emma Watson in Dior

Let’s call a spade a spade: this is a glorified apron. Remember when skorts and culottes were in style, and you’d go into third grade and be like “guess what? This isn’t really a skirt!” That isn’t a good approach on the red carpet. Watson gets points for trying something different, and for the color combo of that dress (drants? dracks? dreggings?) and those shoes.

Megan Mullally

Oh, honey. No.

Julia Roberts in Dolce and Gabana

Roberts’ look is “trying something on over your clothes because there’s no open fitting room” or “overly modest Duggar-type girl who wears extra shirts under everything so nobody can see her collarbone.” The only excuse for this is if Roberts got some bad sleeve tats and doesn’t want us to see.

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung

Prabal Gurung is hit or miss with me, and this was a wide miss. One commentator said that this evokes Saldana’s “ballet background,” which I guess is true, in that it looks like several of my five-year-old niece’s recital costumes sewn together.

Usher in Calvin Klein Collection

This is already making some best dressed lists, but I’m going to go against the grain and say that there’s a time and a place for an Oxblood suit. The time is never and the place is nowhere.

What to Expect at the Golden Globes

New Year, new season of endless awards shows. And it all kicks off this Sunday (when we’ll be live blogging too!) for the Golden Globes. Personally, the Golden Globes are my fave next to the Emmys, since I’m more of a TV person but also I like seeing the movie folks rub elbows with the TV folks, or as co-host Amy Poehler called it, “Where the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”

So in honor of this weekend’s big event, here are some things to look out for on one of our favorite days of the year.

General Poehler/Fey Awesomeness

Let’s be real. These two queens of comedy/life are the reason why the show last year wasn’t just a snoozefest. They brought life back to the show and did it without making offensive jokes and by bringing unadulterated joy into everyone’s life with their wit and beauty. If you are not like me and watch their monologue from last year on a monthly basis, here’s a refresher.

Surprise Wins

There’s nothing the Hollywood Foreign Press Association loves more than a good surprise. I mean just look at their list of nominees and winners every year. They like to pick underdogs, shows and actors that are new and standout from the crowd, not necessarily going with the grain of every other awards show. For example, this year, one of my favorite new shows this season, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, is nominated for Best Series as well as a Best Actor nom for Andy Samberg. Yes, this Andy Samberg.

Hopefully these surprises will be something like Tatiana Maslany receiving the recognition she deserves in Orphan Black or Monica Potter in Parenthood. Or the ultimate surprise win – Amy Poehler getting a damn award because for some insane reason she gets nominated every year in every awards show but has yet to win shit.

Drinking

Everyone who goes to the Golden Globes knows they’re in for a good time because there’s eating and drinking at the ceremony. It’s not like the Oscars or Emmys where you sit in a theater and watch as the person who you lost to goes up to accept their award. No. The Golden Globes takes place at the Beverly Hilton ballroom, where round tables are set up for dinner. The food from Wolfgang Puck is abundant and the drinks are overflowing like one of Diddy’s Ciroc commercials.

By the end of the night, everyone ends up like this:

Movie and TV Star Intermingling

At the Golden Globes, there are two tiers, the lower tier, which is closer to the stage, reserved for the beautiful movie stars, and the top tier which is where the lowly TV people are relegated. However, during the commercial breaks, which you can sometimes spot right before and after the cut to the ads, these two groups start to converge in an explosion of super celebrity. Here are just a few shots from last year’s ceremony.

George Clooney, Jon Hamm and Ben Affleck in one picture – probs going over the minutes from the last meeting of the Handsome Men’s Club.

jlaw tswift

Speaking of TSwift’s surprised face, Kristen Wiig, the master of Taylor Swift impressions, is even like okay, that’s enough Taylor.

adele ben affleck

People not knowing which way to go to the stage

Speaking of the layout of the show and drinking, the way the tables are set up literally looks like a maze.

So when the winners attempt to go up to the stage to get their award, it’s a test to see if A) they’re sober enough to find their way to the stage B) Which path they decide to take on the road to the mic, past the A-listers or around the edge with the camera men C) How long the audience is willing to clap for you if you take longer than approx 10 seconds to get up there.

GIFs Galore

There are very few things in life I like more than a good GIF (to be read with a hard ‘G’ because idec how the creator pronounces it, it’s a GIF not a JIF). And because of the lax and usually comedic vibe of the Golden Globes (also to be read with a hard G), there’s plenty of opportunities for animated snippets. Like these:

Greatest photobomb in the history of the world

Tommy Lee Jones is not pleased

Adele high-fiving Daniel Craig, it’s fine.

Now that you’re prepped and may have a potential drinking game at hand, you’re all set for Sunday. And we’ll see you there!

Golden Globes 2013 – Best and Worst Dressed

{2/25/13 Note: Hey, did you come here looking for our Oscars 2013 Best and Worst Dressed instead? It’s over here.}

Best Dressed

Molly’s picks:

Sofia Vergara in Michael Cinco

Despite being entirely sequined, this dress is fairly pared-down for Vergara. I especially like the simple hair and fresh makeup. Bonus points for choosing a Filipino designer!

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

This ivory color was gorgeous on her! I liked this more before I realized that the skirt was only opaque to a point, but still, the beading is beautiful and it’s such a good cut. It’s really easy for women as tiny-framed as Washington to disappear in big formal dresses. My only minor qualm, as I said in the live blog, is that I would have pulled her hair away from her face because it’s such a nice face.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta

Love the color, love the simple accessories, love the slightly rumply fabric, as a matter of fact. This is such a pretty orangey red and looks great with her skin and hair, though I have watched enough Joan Rivers to know that wearing red on the red carpet is risky because the colors can clash. As per usual, Deschanel is also sporting an insanely adorable themed manicure.

Helen Hunt in Dolce & Gabbana

Hunt and Washington both really worked the ivory/shimmery dresses without looking like brides (cf. Hayden Panettiere). If I were elderly, I would say that she’s a vision, but I’m not, so I’ll just say she looks really pretty.

Michelle Dockery in Alexander Vauthier

I keep waffling on whether or not I love this, but I think I do. The silhouette’s a bit funny around the shoulders, but otherwise perfect. I’d like a better look at her hair and that bracelet, though.

Honorable mentions: Amy Poehler (for managing to make a pant suit look hot. I’ll take this as a Knopian nod to women in government.), Ariel Winter (for looking 15), Olivia Munn (for picking what I think was a great cut/color for her).

Traci’s Picks:

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney

Obviously my personal idol is on the list. But my love for her aside, she rocked the tuxedo look, and still managing to stay super sexy in the mean time. It made me want to marry her and never divorce her. Classy yet not trashy, that’s our girl Amy.

Naomi Watts in Zac Posen

At first sight this dark burgundy dress may not be much, but when she turns around the backless feature makes it breathtaking. Naomi of course is gorgeous in her own right, but in a sleek, stylish, and sexy dress, she looks out of this world.

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

If you’ve seen Kerry traveling the world for the Django Unchained movie premieres, you’ll know that as of late, home girl hasn’t exactly been hitting home runs with hear red carpet fashion. However, I give her props for taking risks, and this gown in no exception.

Michelle Dockery in Alexander Vauthier

Oh lady Mary, you are quite a sight for sore eyes. Cousin Matthew is probably fawning over you right now. As I mentioned in the live blog last night, it’s always weird to see anyone from the show in normal people clothes, none the less in Hollywood style gowns. She looks absolutely stunning in this dress.

Kate Hudson in Aleander McQueen

I’m a sucker for black and gold – and for Alexander McQueen- so it’s hard for me to say no to this dress. It’s a bold statement, much like the rest of his company’s designs and not just any celeb can pull it off. Kate Hudson def did it justice.

Bonus: Ben Affleck for sporting a navy tux – Because he’s a muthafuckin GG winner and he can do whatever the hell he wants.

Worst Dressed

Molly’s picks:

Halle Berry in Versace

The fabric on this looks like those screen-printed sarongs that you can buy at the public market. It is also tattered and torn, like when Cinderella’s stepsisters ruin the dress that the mice made for her before the ball. So, in sum, this looks like a downmarket sarong sewn by animated mice that was ripped apart in a fit of anger.

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

I’m not just saying this because she got to marry John Krasinski. I like the color and I don’t hate the fabric, I just can’t stand the cutouts on the side. It reminds me of the two piece, belly-baring prom dresses that were the thing when I was in high school. If you weren’t 16 in 2003 this dress might not bother you.

Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton

The little black dress with the bow would have been cute at dinner or a cocktail party, but why did she wrap that polka-dotted shower curtain around herself first?

Sienna Miller in Erdem

When she was (evidently) partying with P. Diddy he couldn’t have given her some wardrobe tips? The shape of this is horrible – the top of it is cut like those boxy Christopher and Banks sweaters that moms used to wear a lot. And the pattern reminds me of something I would have thought would look really groovy on a pencil case in 5th grade when I was really into Now and Then.

Julianna Margulies in Emilio Pucci

This is showing up on best dressed lists already, but I don’t care. She reminds me of those teenage girls who are really into long, terrible fantasy book series set in medieval times. Is that a dragon?

Dishonorable mention: Julianne Hough (who invited her and why is she wearing the adult, floor-length version of a Toddlers and Tiaras cupcake dress?).

Traci’s Picks:

Sienna Miller in Erdem

So sienna miller’s gown basically reminds me of the traditional Filipino dresses, commonly used in weddings and formal events.
It’s just too much.

Halle Berry in Versace

File under: When bad gowns happen to Oscar winners. Halle what were you thinking with this? It looks like a monster chewed up the LA Flower Mart with a bedspread from the 1980s then spit it back out in the form of a half-frock. But we know you’ve done much better.

Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein

You’re a gorgeous girl, Jessica. So you don’t need to look frumpy. This seafoam colored dress isn’t doing you any favors, basically because it doesn’t fit we’ll and I was afraid your girls would fall out at any second.

Lena Dunham in Zac Posen

Big night for my Girl Lena, however she just can’t get her style quite on point. The dress makes her look much older than she actually is, and the gross color is even worse. Not to mention it looked like she was having a touch time walking in whatever shoe apparatus she was wearing, she may have walked away with 2 GG but she was having a hard time doing it.

Julie Bowen in Halston

Oh Julie. After last years Emmys in an awesome neon green gown, I thought you were on a roll. Please tell me that your kids were the reason why you picked this sack of a dress. Asymmetrical is not a good look for a lot of people, but this especially makes it look like someone bought a Butterick design from Joann’s and some navy fabric for $.75 a yard.

Live Blog: Golden Globes 2013 aka The Day We Died Because of the Fey/Poehler Takeover

Happy Golden Globes day!!! We’ll be liveblogging throughout the show, so make sure you refresh this page to keep up!!!

Bitches getting shit done.

Welcome to the live blog of the Golden Globes 2013!!!

M. Kelly Osbourne. Kelly Osbourne always looks like she’s from the capitol in Panem.

T. BTW, we are watching the E! Red Carpet, mainly because I enjoy Ryan Seacrest, but I also have no interest in seeing Al “I sharted” Roker interview the likes of Daniel Day-Lewis and Hugh Jackman.

M. I’m trying to memorize what Amy Adams is wearing so I don’t get her confused with Jessica Chastain.

T. You know what’s always jarring? Seeing ANY of the Downton Abbey stars in modern day clothes. Lady Mary is on FIRE.

M: SO glad you mentioned Downton so I could go record it. I’m missing that and Girls for the Golden Globes. I mean… nobody really “misses” tv anymore. I’m watching them on the internet later. Clearly.

T: Sidenote: I JUST LOVE AWARDS SHOWS SO MUCH. Especially the Golden Globes. After the Emmys, it’s my favorite, because everyone’s boozed up and the best of TV and Movie people are there!

T: Is anyone doing the Golden Globes drinking game? I’m still at work and forgot to bring alc.

T: OMG FIRST SHOT OF TINA AND AMY AND I LEGIT JUST HAD A TEAR IN MY EYE!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS

T: THEY’RE BACK!! THEY LOOK SO HOT! LOVING AMY’S LOOK

M: OMG AMYYY Look at you! When I want to look really fantastic, the ideal I keep in mind is “divorced Amy Poehler.”

M: Also Tina Fey has a Kate Middleton-worthy hair cape. And her shoes look hard to walk in.

M: Contemplating the Golden Globes drinking game. I have to wake up at 6:30 to write law books though… (I’m in EST if that makes me seem less pathetic?)

T: Oh lord, I never thought I’d see the day NeNe Leakes would be strutting the Golden Globes red carpet

T: OH YEAH. JOHN KRASINSKI. SMOKE.SHOW.

M:  Aziz Ansari has a  “whattt? that’s racist… don’t say that again” dance move, which he attributes to his “chocolate skin tone.”

M: Little Michael J. Fox exactly looks like a little Michael J. Fox. Well I mean, he is slightly taller.

M: Jessica Chastain is in seafoam, Amy Adams in ballerina pink. Also I don’t know what my problem is because they really don’t look alike.

T: I wonder if it’s every awkward when a celeb’s significant other (who isn’t as famous) is asked to move out of the way in the press line so they can get a solo shot of the star…

T: Whoa Don Draper, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen you on the red carpet!

M: Rosario Dawson will always be Mimi to me. I hope she sang “Out Tonight” as she got ready.

T: J-Law! My BFF! Wait her boobs look like they’re protruding out of her body. Really hoping she says something awk sauce. Ok, nothing awkward, except the fact that she has the flu and had to put her hand on Seacrest’s arm as she went down the stairs.

M: Hell YES Jennifer Lawrence is here! Is her hair color different? Her tan line is showing, not that I’m looking at her boobs. Pretty dress though! Love the color.

M: T, Did you know Taylor Swift was nominated or did you purposefully stay away from that info? Her hair may be in a confusing side-chignon thing.

T: I did subconsciously know Swifty was nominated, however I think I forced myself to forget that fact. Although that song was really good in THG. But she still doesn’t belong here. “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE”

M: Amanda Seyfried: “I learned [to pose] from Anne Hathaway, she’s a really good poser.” I’m sorry, DOES ANNE HATHAWAY EXCEL AT EVERYTHING?!

M: Hugh Jackman’s hair looks kind of Ron Swanson-y in the front.

M: Taylor Swift’s dress is kind of the color of chocolate, which reminds me that now is a good time for everyone to go get a snack. Right now, while she’s talking.

M: My nephew Henry, two, just wandered in. I asked what Claire Danes’ dress made him think of. Apparently it evokes Elmo.

T: So like, can I get some of the anti-ageing potion Hamm’s clearly drinking? Because Price Charming looks fioooone.

M: Hamm may be drinking it, but his wife is injecting it. Her cheeks are super tight and shiny. I’m not judging because I almost bought Botox via Groupon last month.

M: Keith Urban. My brother-in-law saw him shooting an album cover when he lived in Nashville and said he was like a really fancy well-groomed cowboy. So many highlights!

T: ADELE!!!! Love it. It’s always great trying to understand what she’s trying to say. Also, should the HFPA (Hollywood Foreign Press Association) just give her the award right now? She’s so great.

M: I can’t deal with Adele not revealing her baby’s name. Her eyelashes are enormous and must make it really hard to blink and see.

M; If you missed it Puffy just half-heartedly congratulated Sienna Miller on her baby. I don’t know what manner of baby she has but I’m assuming s/he’s no Blue Ivy. Wait, maybe he congratulated her on something else. I was too busy paying attention to how weird this situation felt to me.

T: In what world are Sienna Miller and P Diddy friends? I’m confused. She said they’ve been friends for a long time and have nicknames for each other. Heh?

M: I’m so embarrassed that I wrote “Puffy.” I am from 1998.

T: Kristen Bell is the CUTEST preggo!! I can’t say I’m in love with her dress though (PS Shameless Plug:: look out for our Best/Worst Dressed post later!)

M: Marion Cotillard is one of my favorite people to wish I looked like, but I really preferred her shorter, wavier hair. It’s not bad but if I were Marion Cotillard I would want everyone to be looking at my face.

M: Julianna Marguelis. I am misspelling your name but you are wearing this weird sheer thing that’s slowing down my processing.

T: ER REUNION WITH CLOONS AND NURSE HATHAWAY. I AM VERKELMPT. I appreciate a TV good reunion, especially of the candid variety.

M: Clooney and Marguelis just hugged for a million years. I love them so much.

T: BTW, I’m still at work, but obvi got everything done early to liveblog this bitch. But since I’m here, I’m watching the E! Red Carpet at my desk, and turned on the NBC show at my boss’ desk (who is not here). Every few minutes I literally run into the other room to see if anyone I like is being interviewed. I’m insane.

M: There are so many high necklines and so much loose, straight-ish hair tonight. See e.g. Kate Hudson.

M: I always vaguely feel like I’m not supposed to like Sofia Vergara but I LOVE Sofia Vergara.

T: I fucking love Sofia Vergara. I could lit’rally listen to her talk for days.

M: Is Ben Affleck’s facial hair for a role or just for funsies?

M: Got a quick view of Anne Hathaway’s hair and it looks very Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I hope the internet doesn’t think that’s an insult because it’s not.

T: People in a oneshot: Paul Rudd, Jessica Alba, and Anne Hathaway #OnlyattheGoldenGlobes

M: I wonder if people are going to like Kerry Washington’s dress, but I think it looks fantastic on her. Maybe would have pulled the hair off her face but that’s just because it’s a good face (see, Cotillard).

T: I don’t watch Scandal, so basically anytime I see Kerry Washington, I think, ‘Hey, that’s the girl from Save The Last Dance!!’’

T: LEO!!!!!!!!! I appreciate that he always shows up to the GGs. I really hope Kate shows up so he can thank her in his acceptance speech

T: Apparently, P Diddy and Sienna Miller have been friends for a while, as told by this article from 2007. They partied together. Of course.

M: Kelly Osbourne said that T.Swift would show up sexy and SHE DID. That’s not how I felt but OK, Kel. Not that Swift isn’t pretty but that’s just not how she reads to me ever.

T: A SEX BOMB, KELLY OSBOURNE? NO. TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT A ‘SEX BOMB.

M: How I’ve missed hearing that Tina Fey/ Amy Poehler introduction from the Weekend Update era!

M: Poehler just referred to the “rat-faced people of television”, and I love her.

T: Tina looks like she came straight out of one of her Garnier Fructis commercials.

M: Fey: Gervais isn’t here because he is no longer in showbusiness.

M: Fey just offered to call child services for Dunham. I also feel like Lena Dunham is too young to be doing her show, but that’s only because that means that by your mid-twenties it’s acceptable to have your own tv show. I have my own car and phone and dog! And that’s it.

M: I love when Amy Poehler puts on the mean Boston lady thing.

T: BOSTON REPRESENT!! Poehler is amazing when she brings back her accent!

M: First (Only??)Anne Hathaway/ James Franco Oscars trainwreck reference. Well done, Ms. Fey.

M: Nobody has PLANS to do porn. – Amy Poehler. PREACH. It just happens sometimes.

M: Is Tina Fey’s pronunciation of Les Miserables with a thick French accent going to be a running gag? Hope so!

M: This is like watching a really good, crazy-fancy Weekend Update.

Best Supporting Actor. Our Predictions:

Best Supporting Actor
T: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
M: Leonardo DiCaprio
WINNER: Christoph Waltz!
T: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are at the same table as Denzel, and right behind Daniel Day-Lewis. How much are they SHITTING themselves right now??

M: Well, we were both wrong. Christoph Waltz won best supporting actor. In related news, Traci and I have not seen Django Unchained.

T: Leo upset at the top of the show! Wah Wah. If you need any consoling, let a sista know.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Maggie Smith
M:Maggie Smith
Winner: Maggie Smith!

M : Damn, we’re good at this already. Also, who else can’t believe that Hayden Pannetiere was nominated?

T: One of my favorite things about the GGs is the mingling that happens between stars during commercials. Hoping there’s plenty of surprising air kisses made between two unlikely celebs.

M: A Lea Michele hair commercial is on and I think this should be more of a Tina Fey hair commercial night. I just don’t believe her when she says that I’m “totally worth it.” It’s the “totally.” It’s just too much. Like when someone says they’re 200% sure of something, I’m way less confident than when they just leave it at 100%.

T: Hayden Pannetiere (sp?) just tweeted: “There ain’t anything like a Dame. Congratulations Dame Maggie Smith! It was an honor to have my name mentioned in a category with you!” Who wants to bet that she had that tweet ready the day she was nominated??

M: She had a separate draft saved for each other nominee. Smart girl, that Hayden.

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Game Change
M: Game Change
WINNER:Game Change

M: Why aren’t we in the Hollywood Foreigh Press? I am none of those things but Traci is both Hollywood and Press. We’re batting… something. I don’t know how to do sports things, I’m really sorry.

T: Ok, every time I see Danny Strong, I can’t help but think he was Paris Geller’s boyfriend on Gilmore Girls. I mean, he’s making big moves – he’s writing the screenplay for Mockingjay!!!!!

M: The audio cut out for a sec but I think that’s just because someone started swearing REAL bad. Michael J. Fox’s son, maybe? He might be a loose cannon.

M: OH SNAP, the director of Game Change just listed Sarah Palin as one of the great impressions of Sarah Palin. I’m sorry I keep saying 1998ish things like “Puffy” and “Oh Snap.” Here are a few more: Tamagotchi. GigaPet. Ally McBeal’s Dancing Baby.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Jessica Lange
M: Julianne Moore
WINNER: Julianne Moore.

M: Did everyone know that Julianne Moore has a daughter who looks like Lindsay Lohan before everything went so wrong? In case you didn’t, now you do.

T: NO YOU DID NOT JUST START SINGING ‘DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING’ RN. NO YOU DID NOT. SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT.

M: Embarrassed for Zeta-Jones. Not as bad as Joey Potter but NOTHING is that bad. It’s like a lullaby from a baby’s fever nightmare, the Holmes On My Own rendition.

T: Does this broad know where she is….Oh the cameras aren’t scanning per her request. What does she do for the HFPA? Also is she wearing a vest made out of faux diamonds? LOLZ INDUSTRY JOKE. No but really, is this person real? I need a gif of Bradley Cooper’s reaction to her “Call Me Maybe” offer right now.

M: Dr. Aida Something-Something told the camera to scan the room and the camera didn’t scan the damn room. Don’t they know who she is? No? Me either.
She’s self-deprecating, though. And hilarious? Old-lady funny? Mildly amusing?

M: Mimi Marquez (Rosario Dawson)  is wearing a peplum outfit thing. Good color on her. Can we all just admit that none of us knew that that was called “peplum” til last year? Pre-2012 I would have described it as “a Judy Jetson thing.”

Best Actor, Drama
T: Damian Lewis
M:John Hamm
WINNER: Damian Lewis

T: Sgt. Brody FTW! If you haven’t watched Homeland yet, get into it. All the cool white people are doing it. (and that JAZZ)

M: So… I should probably watch Homeland, huh? I’m not a “cool white person” but what I lack in cool I make up for in being exceptionally white.

T: Oh Lord Licorice Paul Rudd’s vamping is amazing. Selma Hayek, however, not so much. “Something about best TV”

Best Television Series, Drama
T: Homeland
M: Downton Abbey
WINNER: Homeland

M: Is Claire Danes about to ugly cry? DO IT DANES DO IT. My favorite Danes ugly cry is from her underrated work in Brokedown Palace. It’s like her face crumbles into itself.

T: Re: people mingling during commercial: RDJ kissing the cheek of Mel Gibson. Multiple times.

T: So I’ve been marathoning The West Wing for the past couple of weeks, and John Goodman shows up, and reinforces the fact that I have an unreasonable fear of him. But as he’s standing there next to the awk guy while introducing Argo, he seems ok. I just can’t separate fiction from real life.

M: For some reason I was completely, irrationally mad as a kid when I found out that John Goodman’s daughter is named Molly. I think because I imagined a child, female version of John Goodman, and that is a really unfortunate image to share your name with.

T: Ben Affleck then a shot to Jennifer Lopez. Remember when Bennifer happened?

M: Remember when they got super close to the wedding then called it off? I do, because I think it was supposed to be on my birthday. Now the only thing that happened on my birthday was I was born. I mean, so was Amy Winehouse, and the lady who started Planned Parenthood. But it’s no Bennifer wedding.

Best Original Score:
T: Lincoln
M:Lincoln
WINNER: Life of Pi

M: I didn’t see Life of Pi yet but apparently the score makes ample use of the triangle.

T: “Please welcome international music sensation Shakiki (sp?)” What? I legit thought you said Monkiki (apparently, this is the SNL portion of the liveblog)

Best Original Song
T: Skyfall, Adele
M:Suddenly, Les Miserables
WINNER: Skyfall, Adele

T: GIF OF ADELE HIGH FIVING DANIEL CRAIG, PLEASE. I LOVE YOU. Remember when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist and freaked out over the Jonas Brothers being there?
Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is pissed that she couldn’t use her ‘surprised face’ right now.

M: Adele, you are adorable. I hope Swift has some paper out and is taking notes on how to seem graciously surprised at winning. Also Taylor would 100% redeem herself right now if she ran up and grabbed the award. I’d be mad at her but it would make for such a good GIF!
But I am so mad that Adele said “my son” and didn’t name him. Is the name awful? Unpronounceable? Boring? There must be something wrong with that baby’s name.

T: Tina Fey’s Damian Francisco actually looks like it could be an alternate world Johnny Depp. Someone already made up a faux Twitter for Darcy St. Fudge. Waiting for the next one. Well played, internet.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Clive Owen
M:Kevin Costner
WINNER: Kevin Costner

M: I got SO into Hatfields and McCoys. I think I was mostly a Hatfield girl but I do like a good McCoy now and then.

T: I actually … do NOT care, Kevin Costner. For an actor, you have a very monotone voice.

M: NO ACTUALLY NO BILL SLICK WILLY CLINTON!!! I’ve loved him since I had a kind of confusing crush on him when I was like eight (that has lasted til the present day). From the look on her face Lena Dunham feels the same way. I feel bad for the young girls of 2000 – 2008 because they really never had the opportunity to have a conflicting presidential crush. I like to think even the people who like GWBush didn’t LIKE him-like him.

T: EXCUSE ME?! BILLY C?! WHAT THIS IS AMAZING. STANDING O FOR THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN OUR LIFETIME. Next to Obama.

M: I know you can’t see this in the post, but Traci and I both stopped typing as Clinton was talking because he is a man you respect. And because he’s so dreamy oh my goodness.

T: I mean I actually stood up and started clapping, that’s why I stopped typing.

M: By the way, I was probably too dumb to understand Lincoln but It did make me  wish I had a sidekick who made folksy, apt anecdotes to explain situations like Abe.

T: I CANNOT with Kristen Wyeg and Will FARrell. JK, this is the SNL portion of the show. This is like Garth and Kat times a million. I am actually crying with laughter.

M: If you’re reading this in the future (“the future” being like 1/14 or later) please find a clip of Wiig and Farrell presenting. So so funny.

Best Actress, Comedy or Musical
T: Jennifer Lawrence
M: Judi Dench
WINNER: JENNIFER FREAKIN LAWRENCE

M: I like Jennifer Lawrence winning more than I like being right about who won. She just joked about beating Meryl and I love her. Also she refers to her brothers being “mean to her, yet really supportive and loving,” which is pretty much the story of having older brothers, am I right?

T: Ok and now I’m crying because I’m so happy for her! Just the absolute greatest. No one else can say they beat Meryl and still be lovable about it!

T: JKras and KBell together?! My heart swoons to be between those two.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Mandy Patinkin
M: Ed Harris
WINNER: John McCain Ed Harris

M: Megan Fox’s face looks like it’s sculpted out of really fancy candle wax. The good kind, like the stuff they made those wizard candles out of at those mall kiosks in the mid-90s.

Best Supporting Actress:
T: Anne Hathaway
M: Sally Field
WINNER: Anne Hathaway’s ugly crying.

T: ANNE HATHAWAY JUST SAID “BLERG” 30 Rock shoutout!! AND Princess Diaries shoutout!? Ok, Anne Hathaway, you can keep this award.

M: She also just referenced the Princess of Genovia. I love Hathaway.

T: Surprise mingling: Adele and Jennifer Gardner. It’s a small room, so maybe the Afflecks will run into the Lopez-Smart contingent? The night is still young.

M: Maybe they’re talking about their babies and Garner is bragging that hers all have NAMES.

Best Screenplay
T: Silver Linings Playbook
M:Argo
WINNER: Django Unchained

T: Ugh, Quentin Tarantino I wasn’t suspecting you to get this either. So over you. I’ve actually stopped listening.

M: Again, we didn’t see this movie. But from what I hear, ¾ of the screenplay is just the direction [guy shoots other guy].

M: Jeremy Irons is wearing quite the frock-coat.
T: SCAR! Oh sorry, Jeremy Irons.

M: I think it’s about time to bring Tina and Amy back out. Anyone wanna bet what Billy Clinton is doing right now? Greenroom eating some vegan stuff? Mingling with everybody? Stealing my heart?

Best Actor, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Louis C.K.
M: Louis C.K.
WINNER: Don Cheadle.

T: Come awwnn. I’m not doing that well on my ballot anymore… the HFPA always throws a curveball. So weird.

M: Every time I hear “Matt Blank” I think someone is just trying to Ellis Island-ize Matt LeBlanc.

T: Remember when Arnold was the governor of the state I live in? And what happened to Rocky’s neck/lack of neck?

M: Holy crap it’s like his head is held on by his shirt collar.

Best Foreign Language Film
T: Amour
M:Amour
WINNER: Amour

M: We have reached the point in the evening where I look at the categories left and think that the show couldn’t possibly take another hour and a half, let alone run long. And yet…

T: They should have specifically put subtitles up for this category alone.

M: I feel like I SHOULD like Lea Michele but I just don’t. Also she’s so so tan. Her entire body looks like when 12-year-old girls try to wear bronzer and layer it too much.

T: Rachel Berry is pulling her best Angelina Jolie right now. And it’s not working.

Best Actress, Drama
T: Claire Danes
M: Claire Danes
WINNER:Claire Danes

M: In case you didn’t feel inferior to her already, Claire Danes won a Golden Globe at 15. Is she drunk a little?

T: Glenn Close looks like she’s crying for her loss. Also, Claire why do you have raccoon eyes? Maybe that’s why Glenn Close is upset. Stop trying to make jokes Claire. It’s not funny. Remember the Emmys? Your ‘holla’ was not funny then either.

M: Claire Danes is drunk a little.

T: Definitely drunk a little: Sacha Baron Cohen. Calling Russell Crowe out!! Ballsy. We so called this when we liveblogged it.

Best Animated Film
T: Rise of the Guardians
M: Brave
WINNER: Brave

M: I was watching Brave (for the second time…) with my nephews last week and one of them said that I’m like Merida (read: red-haired), but that I “would need to get married.” And I was like what is wrong with you, you missed the ENTIRE point of the movie. Then he suggested that I could marry his dad, except he’s already married. Yeah, kid. Married and also my BROTHER.

T: Ballot regret: Choosing a winner in permanent ink but immediately having qualms over the pick. You can file Brave under Ballot Regret.

M: Which Downton lady is wearing the giant turban? The camera didn’t linger long enough.

T: I totally forgot about Julian Fellowes’s lady friend that wears the turban. ^to answer your question^

M: I was about to ask where they’ve been hiding Fey and Poehler but the next category explains it:

Best Actress, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Amy Poehler
M: Amy Poehler
WINNER: Lena Dunham

M: I LOVE love Girls, but I’m not sure about this. She kind of reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld in that she’s the brain behind the series, but I don’t necessarily see her as a great actress.

T: Girls is the best (slash omg it comes back tonight!). Major props to Lena, and I think I’m ok with her winning over Amy and Tina. I usually hate when people bring up speeches, but that was really sweet. In fact, I’m tearing up a little. She plays every role (actress, writer, director, producer) on the show, so well deserved. But can someone in the press room get her new shoes tho?

M: However, Dunham is stealing my heart here with her shaking hands. I think the short hair really works on her, never noticed her eyes before really.

T: I feel like it’s been AGES since Tamy (tina/Amy) have been out on the stage! But so worth the wait though. If that’s Glenn Close wasted, I don’t want to know what she’s like on drugs (or maybe I do).

T: Sidenote, if Tina dances with Glenn at a party tonight, I want to be there. No, but really, how do I get invited to a Golden Globes after party?

M: No pressure but if you crash one we’ll probably get internet famous and if you don’t crash one you’re ruining my life.

T: Is Jodie Foster old enough to get this award? The last three people to win it were Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Morgan Freeman. I mean, good company, but … really? Oh she just said she’s 50. Ok. Still not old enough.

M: I hope this doesn’t mean that Jodie Foster is secretly terminally ill. Else she should have 30-50 more years of lifetime. What if she stops achieving after this? (I would)

M: This ENTIRE show was brought to you by SNL (See Foster’s Sally O’Malley impression).

T: I knew it Jodie Foster, you were trying to be funny. But it didn’t work. Oh lesbians.

M: Did EVERYONE start swearing at once? The audio was gone for like 30 seconds.

M: So Jodie Foster’s announcement is that she’s not Honey Boo Boo child? I know, I know. You will NEVER be as majestic as one Alanna Thompson.

T: If this speech is supposed to make me like you more, it’s not working.

M: She’s drunk or she meant for this to happen. I don’t know which one to choose to believe. I presume they can’t cut you off in a lifetime achievement speech. I take this back if she is dying because is that what she was saying – re “never being on any stage again?” And everyone in the audience is weeping and I have NO CLUE what’s going on. And she closed with calling herself lonely. That was so sad and I don’t even know what just happened.

T: I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier, but Tumblr came to the rescue in the gif department. Here’s the Adele/Daniel Craig gif I requested earlier!!!

Best Director
T: Ben Affleck
M: Steven Spielberg
WINNER: Ben Affleck

T: SUCK ON THAT, OSCARS. BEN AFFLECK FTW!!! Everyone’s standing because Hollywood loves him. Except maybe J Lo.

T: SHUT UP JAY LENO. YOU’RE THE WORST. I JUST WANT JIMMY.

Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
T: Girls
M: Girls
WINNER: Girls

M: SO HAPPY!

T: Oh geez they’re making Lena walk again. Just take the shoes off. I do adore the group hug the ‘Girls’ had.

M: Lena Dunham: “Do you guys want to make any sounds?” I love that cast. I also didn’t recognize Allison Williams at first.

T: Where’s Leo? Probs drinking his sorrows away with Kate in a secret bar at the Hilton.

T: One more thing about Girls, I am so pleased that Lena and co. were presented with the award by Jimmy Fallon, who Lena had a crush on throughout her formative years. Watch her fangirl to him when she appeared on his show for the first time. She wrote a play about him!!!

Best Actor, Comedy or Musical
T: Hugh Jackman
M: Bradley Cooper
WINNER: Hugh Jackman

M: I stand by what I said before about Jackman’s Ron Swanson hair. In addition, I think he’s using the same body bronzer as Lea Michele.

T: I secretly hoped it would be B Coop to win this, but Jean Van Jean was just no match. Any other year, I think he would have won this. Also, this means that he probs won’t win the Oscar. Prove me wrong, Academy.

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
T: Les Miserables
M: Silver Linings Playbook
WINNER: Les Miserables

M: Hathaway CHRIST you can’t just thank people willy-nilly.

T: Fantine is already drunk. WTF just happened to you.

M: You’re right, she’s wasted.

T: I really just want to watch Silver Linings Playbook again. If you haven’t seen it, get on it. Even if you have no idea what it’s about.

M: Agreed, I would absolutely see that again. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence were both just amazing.

Best Actress, Drama
T: Jessica Chastain
M: Jessica Chastain
WINNER: Jessica Chastain

M: If you haven’t seen Zero Dark 30, do. Chastain was incredible.

T: Literally just said “Awwww” outloud to Jessica Chastain’s win. I haven’t even seen Zero Dark Thirty. She just looks like a nice girl

M: She looks like someone I know and I can’t place who. I mean other than Amy Adams. Again, they really don’t look alike but I can only tell the difference when they are side by side. I’m the same way with Coke and Diet Coke.

M: Annnnd there go my first real tears of the night. Still can’t believe Kathryn Bigelow wasn’t nominated for an Oscar.

Best Actor, Drama
T: Daniel Day-Lewis
M: Daniel Day-Lewis
WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis

M: Traci, I think we’re more right when we agree with each other.

T: ^Fact.
Olympics reference! I had no idea DD-L was a jokster.

M: I can’t un-see Abraham Lincoln in DD-L’s face now. But it’s weird not hearing him in that old-timey Midwestern accent, right?

T: Julia! She totes said “Drama” like Derek from Happy Endings.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
T: Argo
M:Argo
WINNER:Argo

M: I love the people they choose to show after a win is announced. Sean Combs?

T: arGOO! (ugh, sorry). This is a great win. I haven’t seen this movie either, but I enjoy Ben Affleck, so WTG. Also, hey Walter White. Forgot you were in this movie.

M: Poehler: “We’re going home with Jodie Foster!”

T: Me: I wanna go home with Tina and Amy.

M: But not Jodie Foster. She was kind of a downer. Not to mention confusing. I think she’ll be a crying drunk girl later. And I don’t think she even WATCHES Honey Boo Boo.

Traci final score: 15 out of 25

Molly final score: 12 out of 25.

Thanks for reading everyone! We had a blast. Join us next time when we live blog our BFF dance party with Tina, Amy, and Glenn Close.