Author Archives: Molly

American Girl Outfits I’d Wear Today: Samantha & Molly

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My generation gets a lot of flack for being overly nostalgic before we’ve really earned the right to be. But first of all, as a kid in the 90s, I remember all of the gen-Xers were into 1970s childhood nostalgia. This is hardly new. Additionally, we were pretty much doomed to be nostalgic. I blame the American Girls Collection. It made all of us long for the past before we had even been in the present for more than 7 years. We never had a chance.

Here is our final installment of the American Girl Outfits I’d Wear Today series – Samantha and Molly. If you missed it, check out our coverage of  Felicity and Josefina and Kirsten and Addy.

Samantha Parkington

Samantha was really the it girl of the American Girl world. If you had at least one American Girl doll, it was probably Samantha. I mean, I didn’t , but that was because my teacher’s daughter had Samantha, and their dog ate it, so she passed the outfits on to me. My Molly doll was the same thing as Samantha, but with grey eyes, so once I had the outfits I was seriously all set.

I’ve read several articles and fashion blogs discussing the influence of Downton Abbey on today’s fashion, and the general consensus is “who would have thought that Edwardian style would ever be the thing?” Um, how about all of us who grew up in the 1990s and idolized Samantha Parkington’s well-tailored outfits, sleek furniture, and bangin’ Victorian mansion? Sidebar, since I was about five years old, with the exception of  high school and a few stabs at bobbed hair, I’ve had Samantha’s hair ‘do. Forget Zooey Deschanel. Samantha Parkington’s are the bangs that defined a generation.

Samantha’s Middy Outfit
This outfit just kills me. Usually when I wear nautical-themed outfits it’s more on the lines of navy stripes and a jaunty scarf, maybe with some kelly green pants or Nantucket reds. But this dress is a great reminder to try out the sailor look – keep the collar smallish so you don’t look costumey. I had a red sailor coat when I was little, and I practically cried when I outgrew it, because it reminded me of Sam’s summer dress. I mean, I probably did cry.

Samantha’s Plaid Cape and Gaiters
Thus began my lifelong love affair with Black Watch plaid. So classic and gorgeous! I think Susan has a coat like this in the ’90s Miracle on 34th Street. I was so annoyed with my school uniform, which was almost black watch, but with stupid red and yellow lines in it (which clashed with our baby-blue Peter Pan collar blouses). The real beauty of this is in the adorable gaiters she has. Anyone know where I can get a pair? Also, did anyone else carry a muff as a kid because of this, or was that just me? I never realized what a vintage-obsessed child I was, but I toted around my aunt’s 1950s fur hand-warmer like it was going out of style (which it probably was).

Molly McIntire

Molly McIntire always had a place in my heart, primarily because we are both named Molly and are both sort of awkward, yet also driven and optimistic. She was like a nine-year-old, wartime Leslie Knope that way. She made me really want wire-framed glasses, although my eyesight wouldn’t deteriorate enough for that until my mid-20s. Molly had a tomboyish yet preppy style, and if you were born in the ‘80s, your mom probably liked her because the outfits reminded her of her childhood in the ‘50s and ‘60s.

Molly’s Camp Gowanagan Outfit
High waisted red shorts, sassy scarf, and crisp white button-up? Yes, please. Molls looks like such a 2010s hipster here. Like, I can practically tell which Brooklyn neighborhood she lives in. As I mentioned before, thanks to Molly, I dragged my mom to about five stores in third grade, searching for saddle shoes (I found them, and they were everything I’d ever dreamed of. And I’m pretty proud that I was thinking for myself, fashion-wise, at such a young age, because I’m pretty sure they weren’t in style. And I’m pretty sure that I want another pair right NOW.)

Molly’s Slicker And Rain Hat
Yes. Yep. This is it. This is how you dress in the rain. I’ve actually not gone with a serious vinyl raincoat since I was probably in the single-digits, age-wise, but I would definitely wear this. Also, how amazingly practical is it to have a rain hat? When did we, as a people, stop doing that? You’d still carry an umbrella, probably, but think of the hair damage you could avoid! This is also a nice reminder that while novelty wellies are adorable, the classic reds and yellows will never fail you. An aside: I taught one of my nephews to call his boots like these his “galoshes” because it is adorable.

Molly’s Pajamas

A lot of the time, my pajamas are fleece pajama pants or pajama shorts, and then some sort of t-shirt that I got for free. But when I wear legit pajama sets, I always feel way more put together and cute. It’s somehow less embarrassing to answer my door in p.j.s when my pajamas are also an outfit. Miss MacIntire understood this. While any kind of pajama set will do, these red stripes are so cheerful yet dignified, I think they’re really the ultimate in classy yet comfy, child (or adult) appropriate nightwear.

Molly’s After-School Outfit
Plaid shirt, high waisted cords? So, this is pretty much how we’re all already dressing, right?

Molly’s Regular Outfit
The argyle sweater is pretty cute, and the preppy knee-length wool skirt is great. The rickrack trim around her Peter Pan collar is killing me, in a good way.

What do you think – did we miss any great outfits? Did you try to dress like these characters as a kid (or adult)? Did your parents buy you the kid-sized outfits? We’d love to know!

How (Not) To Go Running With Your Dog

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Lists by

Things have warmed up a bit since I wrote How (Not) To Go Running In The Snow, and upstate New York is beginning the slow, sloooow journey toward springtime. I thought now would be a good time to address the best way to go running with your dog. Or, at least, what works for me.

This post would not be possible without my number one running buddy, Harper. She is an almost-8-year-old English Setter. I got her from the shelter a few years ago, and we’ve been besties ever since. Well, I think she’s a 8-year-old English Setter. Due to the whole shelter thing I don’t really know much about her. Sometimes I think they just make stuff up. It’s like having a witness protection program member living with me, because I can’t really ever ask about her former life. Anyway. Running. Here we go.

(1) Gather all of your stuff. That’s probably like, some shoes. Now get your dog’s stuff. Collapsible water bowl, poop bags, collar, leash, personal identification, etc.

(2) Do all of the above in as stealthy a manner as possible, because as soon as your dog sees you wearing sneakers or holding keys, it is ON.

(3) Oh, shoot. The dog saw you. The dog always sees you. Watch as she prances and turns circles.

(4) Do any pre-run  stretches or warmups now. Oh I’m sorry, does your dog actually stand still when you are at the park or on the trail, and allow you to do lunges and arm circles? You’re cute.

(5) Wrestle the collar/leash onto your dog. My dog knows that I do not put her leash on until she is sitting in front of me. This is ostensibly to make her less wiggly, but actually because it is HILARIOUS. She gets so exciting that she’s trembling.

(6) Let the animal run to the car, because you will not run well with a dislocated shoulder. Wait, so your dog trots calmly at your side on the way to your vehicle? Fun.

(7) Watch the dog try to get in the front seat even though she clearly cannot drive. Nice try, pup. BTW, my dog rides in a crate in the back seat — I cannot recommend this method enough.

(8) Get to your destination, and start a slow warmup lap.

(9) Stop 45 seconds later. The dog is pooping. Backtrack another 30 seconds to the closest garbage can.

(10) Run for real. This is going well! The dog is probably looking up at you and dog-smiling and you’re feeling pretty great about your choices.

(11) One mile in, and the dog is pooping again. You are nowhere near a trash bin. No big deal. You run with the leash in one hand and the poop bag in another.

(12) SQUIRREL! Try not to get tangled as the dog lunges in front of you to chase a squirrel. Fall, probably.

(3) How many times can one dog poop? You may be out of bags by now. Try to remember to get one from your car and deal with this before you leave. Nobody wants to be that person.

(14) See an unleashed dog in the distance. Darn. Call out to see if an owner is there. You hear the most dreaded words a dog owner ever speaks: “ Don’t worry, he’s friendly!”. Dog owners who say “don’t worry, he’s friendly!” while walking an unleashed dog are, in my experience, frequently big liars. They just don’t want you to freak out by saying “WORRY! He’s an a-hole.”*

(15) The dog is… not friendly. Run faster. Hey look, you’re interval training! Cool.

(16) Change your route so that you won’t pass them again.

(17) Water break! In the 30 seconds you are stopped, meet another dog owner who wants to tell you that you are using an inhumane collar. This is inevitable because for every single kind of dog collar, from regular collar to Martingale to prong, there is someone who very passionately believes that (1) it is inhumane and (2) your life would be better if you tried the thing that their dog uses.**

(18) Start running again.

(19) Peeing? Ughh fine. Does your dog only stop once per run? Now you’re just bragging and frankly, I don’t like it.

(20) If your dog is a big panter/drooler, now’s about the time someone will make a comment about how hot your dog is. If you know that your dog is fine, a simple smile and “I know, right?” will do. Keep going. Around now is when I thank the lord that I don’t have children, because I know parents get this feedback but a million times worse (Always as well-meaning questions: “oh you’re potty training already?”/ “You haven’t read Happiest Baby on the Block?”/ “You bottle feed?”/ “Your baby wasn’t delivered in a Lake of Shining Waters by a nun and a civil war reenactor?”)

(21) Oh, come on — a family with kids. You’re not going to be running for a sec. My dog loves children and children love my dog, so I don’t really say no to kids who want to pet her. But I do feel bad that she slobbers all over them. Oops.

(22) Run for real for another few miles.

(23) Reach an area with water or mud. It wouldn’t be a proper run if you dog didn’t come home looking like a swamp creature.

(24) You’re done! Drive home with all the windows down because the air smells like dog breath concentrate. Also because your dog is probably fogging the heck out of your windows.

(25) Water all around! Then collapse on the floor with your dog. Until next time!

This was taken after H and I collapsed on the floor after a run. Pretty much how we roll.

*In case you think I’m oversensitive, my dog was attacked at a leash-only park while the owner stood by and didn’t get his dog. I had to pay serious $$$ for shots for her. And it was my birthday. Also as a child I was VERY frequently chased by neighborhood dogs that were guarding the drug houses across the street and next door to me.

** I’ll probably get judged for this too, but my dog is a puller. I got her at 5 years old and her habits were set. I have tried everything. Yes, EVERYTHING, even the thing where you give her liver snaps every time she’s doing well. No dice. Halti? Tried it. Gentle Leader? That too. I finally found a collar that works for both of us, meaning no pulling on my arm and no pain for my dog. Deal with it. [Sidenote, any Halti users hate how everyone thinks that your dog is muzzled? People treated my gentle children’s therapy dog like a vicious beast when we used that thing.]

What Your School Portrait Backdrop Said About You

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Lasers

My brother looking pretty darn 90s.


If you had lasers, you were probably totally rad, in the parlance of the time. You were fashion forward and a bit of a risk taker. Or, you were really into technology, robots, and science. I don’t know why lasers were ever even introduced as a school portrait backdrop, when I think about it. They’re not really relevent to any kid’s experience. “Oh, you know Becky, she just loves shooting lasers!” That’s something no parent ever said. And they weren’t a general, neutral motif, even in the 90s. As an adult, laser portrait kids are probably style pioneers – you favor bright colors and eye catching patterns. At the workplace, you are on the cutting edge and willing to go out on a limb to get noticed. Or, you are really into technology, robots, and science.

Sky

I still remember this picture day. What I do not remember is why my mom thought scraping my bouncy childhood ringlets into a messy ponytail was an OK idea.


Your parents picked your backdrop. You grew up in a traditional household of rules and regulations, and your family stayed away from anything too flashy. Or, the other backdrops all cost extra, and your parents thought that something like unnecessary school portrait scenery was a waste of money. They may have also been very concerned about what your grandparents would think. If you chose the cloud background yourself, you were probably Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties. Today, former sky backdrop kids could go either way. You may have rebelled big time in high school and college, turning to some sort of counterculture that required outfits. I don’t care what — goth, hip hop, extreme country music fandom. It may also be that you kept your family’s values, and prefer a streamlined, tidy look. You try not to draw attention to yourself, and avoid displaying obvious status symbols. And when you have kids, you’re not going to throw your money away on stupid laser backdrops. Or whatever the equivalent of lasers is in the 2010s. One of my nephews could have chosen tie-dye, so maybe that.

Library
Some years, my school offered this weird backdrop that looked like you were in a mahogany study, with bookshelves and a roaring fire. There may have been a Christmas tree with stockings hanging. At the time, this probably meant that your parents wanted a Christmas portrait to send to relatives, but were killing two birds with one stone by making the school picture the Christmas picture. If you chose it, it’s because you wanted people to think you lived in a mahogany-paneled estate. Either way, this translates well as an adult. Either you or your parents knew how to get what you wanted without paying out the ears, be it by combining Christmas and school portrait costs or by faking wealth. Now that you’re an adult, I bet you’re great with budgeting and cost-saving measures. You mix up all of those homemade cleaning ingredients on pinterest and are awesome at refinishing secondhand furniture.

That Gray Marbled Situation

My adorable nephew, who probably would have preferred lasers. Poor guy.


It was the only option your school had. Or your parents were very serious and hated fun and frivolity. Or you, yourself, were very serious and hated fun and frivolity. You probably have a super-serious occupation now, and avoid decorating or dressing in colors. Your 401K is probably bigger than mine.

The Double-You

My cousin, with face obscured because she never asked for this.


This option had mostly been phased out by the time I was a child, but lo and behold, one of my nephews had this done in the past year or so! What happens is this: The main photo is the kid looking head-on into the camera and smiling. Then, superimposed above the kid, is the same child in profile, staring inspirationally into the abyss. These pictures are one of the creepiest things I can think of. First of all, the inspirational profile kid is just a disembodied head. Second, it is just straight-up unsettling to see two of the same person in one frame. Presuming you don’t have an identical twin, I would FREAK OUT if I saw you and your double, standing one above the other. It’s like The Shining or The Poltergeist, or any other movie I watched on TBS and freaked out about for a week. So, who chose this backdrop? I think parents who wanted to be “artistic” or kids who always wanted a twin. The parents who went with the “double-you” option thought their kids were gorgeous, smiling or not. They thought relatives and classmates were missing out if they didn’t see your profile as well as the front of your face. Whichever way you cut it, your parents thought you were a stunner and wanted the world to know it. So where are you now? You might be really stuck on yourself and think you’re just the most attractive person in every room you’re in. You make it a point to angle your head up and to the side in conversation, so that people can get the full effect of your perfect profile. Or, I guess maybe your parents just instilled a high sense of self-esteem in you, and you have that.

Neon Blinds

Other brother, also spectacularly ’90s. I now understand why my dad called me “[brother] in drag” as a child, as I looked EXACTLY like this with long hair. Also, not cool, dad. Not cool.

If you wanted the flash and glitz of lasers, but they were a little too busy, then neon blinds were for you. You were probably fairly up on your trends, with at least somewhat lenient parents. I bet you were cool in high school. What does that mean now? You keep an eye on what’s new and trendy, but that doesn’t mean you follow every fad that comes along. Now that your parents are older, they probably are planning on traveling a lot in retirement, but think more Italy and less Bolivia.

TV Characters’ Bedrooms That I Covet

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As a kid, your bedroom is an important place. It’s the only place that’s really YOURS – or maybe shared with one or two other people, but still. It’s a no-grownup zone, and though your parents probably made you clean it and set some parameters, you had a bit of free reign as far as decorating went. I seriously went with it – in fifth grade, when I got a new bedroom, I went antiquing to pick out the right accessories, and pored over catalogs for months until I found the right bedspread. Even now that I’m older, I love seeing character’s home spaces on tv. Like a child’s room, the way these people decorate their bedrooms – the place in their house that outsiders wouldn’t usually see – tells you a lot about their character. Plus, the set designers just make them look really, really cool. Until I was preparing this post, I didn’t realize that set decorator would probably be my dream job. Here are some of my favorites.

Clarissa Darling Obviously, right? Clarissa’s bedroom had everything! Her own computer game system. An amphibian named Elvis. Multicolored, hand-painted furniture. Mismatched quilts. A hat collection. Partially painted-over wallpaper. Hubcaps. License plates. SAM.

Carrie Bradshaw

I know Carrie’s apartment is pretty unobtainable, but I love how her bedroom wasn’t TOO perfect. It was cozy, with bookshelves and a big comfy duvet. Even her radiator was cute. I remember reading an interview with the set decorator back when Sex and the City was still on, and she said that Carrie’s apartment was done in the shades of a bruise, since she was a little brokenhearted when she moved in. While that sounds grody, it’s actually a really pretty color scheme – soft gray, light green, and shades of blue and violet.

Jess Day

While the word “adorkable” could go away forever, this bedroom kind of IS adorably dorky. I love the bright teal wall contrasted with the brick, the clustered prints over the bed, and the fun printed bedspread. I could actually see Jess picking out all of these items. While Jess has some ditzy moments, she’s a teacher so we know she isn’t dumb. I’m happy to see some books in here to remind us of that.

Literally All of the Main Teens in Pretty Little Liars

I like how dark Aria’s room is, actually. Plus the gumwood gives it a craftsman vibe, and all I really want right now is to own a pre-1940s bungalow. My dream Arts and Crafts house is on the market now, about 10K too high and 4 months to early for me to buy it, so this is all a little fresh for me. Anyway.  The window seat is to die for. I’m usually not too into bedroom wallpaper, but this is so soft and pretty with the light furniture and white  french doors. I wish I could find a picture of the whole bedroom, because while the decor is pretty dainty, Spencer has a hardcore desk/bulletin board situation. So Type A! I know at some point we’ll all be over gray as a neutral (we got there with taupe, after all), but Hanna’s bedroom is just so nice. I’m less jealous of the bedroom and more of the adjoining bathroom with a clawfoot tub. I’ve always sort of wanted a white iron bed, so of course I love Emily’s bedroom. Plus an alcove AND a window seat!?! Between that and the cheerful, but not to bright, yellow and green color scheme, this is a winner.

Cora, Countess of Grantham

This image is from http://chameleon-interiors.blogspot.com/2012/02/downton-abbey-putting-downton-to-bed.html, which has a great analysis of Downton Abbey bedrooms, if you’re so inclined.

Really, I love all of the bedrooms in Downton, but I especially like how, despite the heavy furniture and being in a stone castle, this feels breezy and airy. I love the fireplace, too – so cozy! I expect that this bedroom comes fully equipped with a lady whose job it is to brush and braid my hair before I go to sleep. It goes without saying that I picked Cora’s bedroom over Mary’s because a Turkish houseguest didn’t pass away in the bed.

Based on the above list, I think I have some criteria for a perfect bedroom. Sloped ceilings or an alcove, mixed prints, giant plush bedding, books, and some kind of windowseat or built-ins. When I was a kid, I loved kids’ rooms with multiple sets of bunkbeds or rows of beds. Like Madeline, except that I don’t want to live with a dozen French orphan children. Basically, if I end up in a tiny house with a ton of kids, I’ll be all set, decorating-wise. Otherwise, I’m screwed.

Shows You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: The New Normal

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I was mighty incredulous about The New Normal. It seemed too much like it was riding the coattails of Modern Family – like network TV had just realized that people had weird family arrangements or, you know, that gay people actually had families, and they were really gunning for it. I definitely gave this a bit of a side-eye when NBC gave it a promo spot during the Olympics. I felt like if they had to try that hard, it wasn’t going to be very good. I also felt like this was the two weeks every four YEARS that I watch sports, so they should just show me the goddamn swimmers already.  Happy to say, I was mistaken – it is actually worth watching. Here’s why:

Bebe Wood as Shania
I know child actors are frequently the worst part of the show, but Bebe is oddly hilarious. The reason this quirky kid character is so funny is that the writers actually abide by the “show, don’t tell” rule. Instead of having the adults comment on how “offbeat” the kid is, they have her doing these amazing impressions of Little Edie Beale and the Dowager Countess. Her glasses aren’t prescription. She writes Charlie Rose fan-fiction. And best of all, while Shania isn’t a perfect kid, she doesn’t fall into the bratty sitcom child trap. Thank goodness.

The Rocky-Jane Adversarial Friendship

I like to imagine that they’re IRL besties, too.


Things got off to a rough start between TV producer Rocky (NeNe Leakes) and uber conservative/former Ohioan/World’s Youngest Great-Grandmother Jane (Ellen Barkin). See, e.g.: “The last time I checked this diamond speckled watch my gay boss bought me, without his consent, it was 2012. Now, why don’t you take your Callista Gingrich hairdo and your racist mind back to the past, or the south, where they belong?” Of course, the producers didn’t leave us hanging too long, and by the second half of the season we got to see these two (sort of) join forces, largely because of a shared dislike of the same things and people.

The Adorable Goldie/Bryan/David Friendship
Goldie (Georgia King, who is Scottish?!) is a gestational surrogate with a heart of gold. She is also younger than me, I just realized, which is BANANAS, but probably doesn’t matter to you. She’s a former teen mom who is acting as a surrogate to raise enough money to go to law school. And to think all I did was take out a few LSAT books from my college library. She, Bryan (Andrew Rannells), and David (Justin Bartha) become one of my favorite friend-families on T.V. right now. You get the feeling that even if she didn’t need the money, she’d still help the guys start their family, and that even if she wasn’t carrying their baby, Bryan and David would still do what they could to help her start her career and take care of Shania. I can’t wait to see how this family develops after the baby is born.

The Wacky but not too wacky plot lines
With its fairly involved premise, this show doesn’t really need to go to extreme on the plot lines. Almost everything is plausible, and some lean toward the classic sitcom setups — but if you want a mindless half-hour of tv that doesn’t change the face of sitcom television, this is it. A few favorites: the group goes gadget-free, causing Shania to get a little too into Pilgrim character; Tofurkey causes Thanksgiving dissent; a babyproofer apparently hates fun and Christmas.

American Girl Outfits I’d Wear Today: Kirsten and Addy

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Last time around, we brought you (potentially) wearable outfits from American Girl characters Felicity and Josefina. Now that you’re – hopefully – done seething about unfair taxes on tea, we’re bringing you two more. Use this as a shopping guide if, like Angela from The Office, “sometimes the clothes at the GapKids are just too flashy. So, I am forced to go to American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.”

Kirsten Larson


On Christmas day in first grade, I opened a small box from Santa. There was a note to look under my bed – and there, in a maroon Pleasant Company box, was Kirsten Larson. If you got a Kirsten doll, it may have been because you were blonde, or of Swedish descent, or from the Midwest. For me, it was because Kirsten and I were both fairly outdoorsy. Granted, for Larson it was more of a default situation, since she lived in the Minnesota wilderness. As such, Kirsten’s outfits are casual and practical, but there was a budding fashionista under her pragmatic Scandinavian exterior.

My fourthhand claim to fame is that this character was named for my friend’s aunt (?) or something. If you’ve ever wondered about the historical accuracy of American Girl main character names — well, first of all, we should be besties forever, and second of all, they’re almost all statistically quite unlikely for the place and time the books were set. I’m terribly sorry to tell you that the name Kirsten is Danish/Norwegian, and wasn’t really used in Sweden in the 1840s when our girl K. would have been born.

Kirsten’s Summer Outfit
These faded blue pinstripes are soft, crisp summer perfection. And those red booties! What is Kirsten, some sort of Swedish-Minnesotan fashion genius? The red is echoed in the fresh berries on her hat, because Kirsten Larson is brilliant and I’m still really sorry that she lost her friend Marta to cholera (…spoiler?).

In third grade or so, I was sorting through a trash bag of hand-me-downs from my cousin (did everyone get those or was I just poor? They were the BEST). I pulled out a pale blue striped number, and could not believe it. It was Kirsten’s summer dress! On closer examination, it was no dress at all – it was culottes. This was probably the first of many times that I was disappointed to find that what looked like a skirt or dress was actually culottes or a skort. It’s like taking a sip from what you think is Sprite and finding out that it’s water. And it’s a life lesson that I think all of us have learned. [This was also my first time thinking that I could alter a clothing item, and failing miserably.]

Kirsten’s Winter Outfit and Scandinavian Woolens

If this were a catalog for adult humans, she’d wear that outfit on a dock with an adorable Yellow Lab. Her gentleman friend would have a coordinating sweater set. And I’d hate them.

Damn, Larson. Look at you. Cozy and adorable. When I wonder if it’s too cold to wear a skirt, I just remind myself that Kirsten did it, and Minnesota is probably colder than upstate New York. For real, a full wool skirt is a great addition to your winter wardrobe, and the ribbon detail is just bonus.

Addy Walker

Addy was a truly groundbreaking American Girl character. No, I don’t mean because she was the first African-American girl featured – although that was a big deal. I mean, she had pierced ears. This was HUGE. I think if I’d had one more American Girl doll, it would have been Addy. In an age when everyone had Samantha, Addy owners were real originals.

Addy’s School Dress
Look at what a professional Addy is! Little kids in suits kill me, probably because – according to photographic evidence – I wore a little pink skirt suit for Easter when I was 7. I wouldn’t wear this whole thing head to toe, but the cropped blue jacket with skinny jeans? Absolutely.

Addy’s summer dress
Cute floral, adorable peter pan collar, waist detailing – what more could you want in a summer dress? Maybe leave off the visible pantaloons if you are an adult in the 21st century.

Hope you enjoyed our stroll down sartorial memory lane! Check back for our final installment – Samantha and Molly.

American Girl Outfits I’d Wear Today: Felicity & Josefina

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The American Girl catalog was probably my first fashion inspiration. I pored over every page, and even tried to incorporate the style into my real life. I wore Kirsten’s looped braids in first grade, and insisted on saddle shoes during back-to-school shopping when I was eight. When denim sunflower hats were the rage, I also had a straw hat with a ribbon, inspired by Felicity. I wore a long, floaty cotton nightgown in the summer, like I was a spunky Victorian girl. Chances are, if you’re a twenty- or thirty-something who loves classic fashion and accessories, your love affair with vintage clothing began with the Pleasant Company Catalogs.

To be fair, you probably got the catalog because you read the books. One of the best things about  American Girl books is that they’re full of great little details about the characters’ special outfits and accessories. Of course, my cynical adult self realizes that this is because each book had a tie-in outfit in the catalog, even though most of these characters would have had maybe two dresses, tops.

When I started this post, I didn’t realize just how great these outfits would be – props to Pleasant T. Rowland. The list grew so long that I had to split this into three separate posts. So, sit back and get ready to travel through time – we’ll start with Felicity and Josefina. If you want to continue on and read about Kirsten and Addy, that post is over here.

Felicity Merriman

Felicity was my gateway drug into American Girls. My mom was a fourth-grade teacher, and ordered me some Felicity books from her Scholastic catalog (man, I miss the Scholastic catalog). If any of you were kindergartners with a fifth-grade reading level,  then you were probably one of the American Girl trendsetters in your class, too. [Why do I get the feeling that our target demo includes a lot of adults who were once really precocious five-year-olds?] I was hooked. This girl had red hair, like me. She had adventures. She had spirit. And, damn it, she had OUTFITS. Felicity was my first American Girl doll, and I probably continued to play with her long after it was socially acceptable to do so.

Felicity’s Spring Gown With Pinner Apron

I mean, I’d take elements from the concept. If you can pull off a pinner apron, more power to you.

The dainty floral apron is perfection, and kudos to Lissy for sticking it to those people who say that redheads can’t wear pink (we can). While I keep meaning to wear more aprons in the kitchen because (1) they’re cute, and (2) I’m a mess, the tiny floral pattern would be really  great on a sundress. By that, I mean I own an H&M sundress in almost this exact print.

Felicity’s Summer Dress

Again, the concept. Not the ruffled bonnet underneath the straw hat tied under the chin.

I almost ordered Felicity’s Summer Outfit for my First Communion, until I found the white satin sailor dress of my dreams (ahh, 1994). I still think it’s super-fly, though.

Felicity’s Riding Habit and Hat

What’s that? Military styling before there was even an America? Menswear inspiration two centuries before Annie Hall? Well done, Miss Merriman. I’m not in favor of a head-to-toe evergreen skirt suit, but the jaunty riding coat with jeans? Of course.

Josefina Montoya

By the time Josefina came out, I was in sixth grade and too old to get into a new American Girl character. But, I was young enough that I was still on the Pleasant Company mailing list — and the new doll did not go unnoticed. Trust me, she was big talk around Sacred Heart Cathedral School. A good gauge of how culturally sensitive you were as a kid is whether you pronounced her name like Josephine-a or Ho-say-fina. While I just missed out on Josefina, I could totally see buying this doll for my niece in a few years, because it has been a chore to find Hispanic dolls for her. Well, and also because I have five nephews (five!)  and can’t help but buy her girl stuff.

By the way, my research (read: poring over the American Girl website) reveals that there have been like a million new dolls introduced since this one (not counting the modern ones). If I don’t have kids, my goddaughter is going to be one spoiled lady.

Josefina’s school outfit

I was really into this peasant blouse and multicolored skirt I had in first grade, so I obviously would have worn this as a kid. But as an adult? Maybe at an outdoor concert in the summer? Yep. Definitely.

Josefina’s Christmas dress

I remember seeing the kid-sized version of this in the catalog and thinking “I want that dress!” This is probably because unlike most children’s Christmas dresses, this is not puffy, iridescent, nor red and green. Thus, it would make a pretty nice grown-up holiday dress, too. I love accessories as much as the next girl, but maybe skip the mantilla.

Josefina’s riding dress

Orange maxi-dress! So cute! I’d leave off the leather vest because it reads sort of costume-y, but if you’re really sassy maybe you could pull it off.  Maybe if you’re in a rodeo. Yes to the boots, though.

Josefina’s party dress and spencer jacket

With the professional cropped blazer, I could probably get away with wearing this to the office. You could also get away with this if you were a spritely nine-year old in 1824, but I digress. I feel like Josefina is really riding the line between 19th century southwestern child and late ‘90s urban tween here, but I’ll let it slide because – fun fact – according to the website, Montoya and I are both the youngest of four.

That’s all for now! Check back another day for our analysis of Kirsten, Addy, Samantha, and Molly. None of those new characters, though, because they are strangers to me.

Good Blog Alert: This post was inspired by a comment from Amelia at New Old Fashion. Stop on over there if you like vintage fashion, in particular, or pretty things, in general. We’re fans!

Point-Counterpoint: Ugly Cry Showdown – Anne Hathaway vs. Claire Danes

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 Film-goers and TV viewers love a good ugly cry. As a matter of fact, apart from gaining or losing a lot of weight or wearing unflattering facial prostheses, ugly crying may be the best way to secure acting award nominations. While less-serious starlets look put-together and beautiful while they cry, maintaining matte skin as a single, picturesque tear rolls down their cheeks, ugly criers are the real deal. Their eyes and noses get red, there is snot all over, their mouths gape, and sometimes I swear they’re practically drooling.
Two of the best ugly criers of our generation are Anne Hathaway and Claire Danes. Both got their start on network TV, then moved on to film roles. Today Danes is an Emmy winner for her work on the acclaimed Homeland, while Hathaway is nominated for an Oscar for her role in Les Miserables. But until now, nobody has settled who the best ugly crier of the two really is. Wonder no longer — Cookies + Sangria point-counterpoint has you covered.

Point: Hathaway ugly-sing-cried in Les Miserables.

Most actresses struggle to produce even an acceptable ugly cry, but Hathaway did the unthinkable – she managed to ugly cry and sing at the same time. Do you even realize the breath and mucus control that requires? Next time you’re ugly crying, pay attention to your diaphragm. It’s probably spasming, or at least not working regularly. Alright, now try to sing I Dreamed A Dream. It’s almost impossible! But not for Anne Hathaway. Note how she retains her trembling, wailing mouth-shape while performing a pitch-perfect rendition of a musical theater classic — LIVE. For added unattractiveness points, Hathaway’s hair is cropped and she’s made up to look like she has tuberculosis. THAT’s how you cry when you’ve just been forced into prostitution and haven’t seen your child for years and your teeth were ripped out and you’re singing your feelings.

Counterpoint: Claire Danes’ Ugly Cry Is So Iconic That It Was Lampooned On Saturday Night Live

Okay, Hathaway does a pretty good ugly cry, but do you know what the root of all comedy is? Truth. Well, and robots fighting with things. And fart noises. But mostly truth. So when SNL chose to parody Claire Danes’ ugly crying on Homeland, they were doing so because her hideous weeping is known far and wide. Once something has been spoofed on this late night comedy, you know that it’s a feature on the pop culture landscape. I mean, come on. They put mom jeans on the map.

Counter-Counterpoint: Yeah, But It Was Hathaway Who Did The Claire Danes Ugly Cry Parody

Dying is easy, comedy is hard. What that means is, it was nothing for Hathaway to ugly cry as a consumptive prostitute, but to ugly cry and make it hilarious? That takes some serious chops.

Point: Claire Danes International Ugly-Cried in Brokedown Palace

Have you seen this? If you had HBO in the early 2000s, the answer is probably yes, because it was on all the damn time. Anyway, Brokedown Palace is a treat. Claire Danes ugly cries her way in to and out of a third world prison. And she ugly cries so vehemently that she is practically slobbering and seizing. Seriously, like you wonder if someone was off camera ready to hold her tongue so she didn’t swallow it.

Counterpoint: Hathaway is so committed to crying that she cried every day while filming Love And Other Drugs

According to the Internet, Hathaway said: “I was a wreck from start to finish. I think I cried every single day. I had to lean so much more heavily on everyone around me than I’m used to. I’m used to pulling my own weight. But I totally fell apart.” Did you get that? God, Hathaway ugly cries even when the camera’s not rolling. You can tell me she cried beautifully, but I won’t believe it for her second. Recreational ugly crying?! Anything for her craft. [Ed. note: please note Hathaway’s references to “leaning heavily” and not being able to “pull her weight.” This was obviously before she went from regular skinny to very, very skinny for Les Mis. Her weight loss secret? Expelling excess water through tears. Very strict regimen. Lots of onions and feelings.]

Point: Danes’ Award-Winning Teen Angst Crying In Little Women, Romeo And Juliet, and My So Called Life

You know what’s hard? Being a teenager whose love interest wrote a song that you thought was about you – and learning that it was about his car. You know what’s really hard? Being a teenager dying of scarlet fever. You know what’s ridiculously hard? Being a teenager whose star-crossed love affair ends in the death of the both of you. It’s hard to even imagine how difficult those scenarios are, but luckily we don’t even have to – Claire Danes’ tears did the talking, before she even had a driver’s license. What were you ugly crying over at that age? Whatever it was, you probably weren’t winning Emmys for it.

Counterpoint: Anne Hathaway is the Crown Princess of Genovia

A lot of things happened to teenaged Hathaway, too! Like, this one time, she thought she was a regular teen, but then she found out she was a princess! But you know what she didn’t do? Cry about it, really. She made some ugly faces of disgust and shock but that only gets you like a half-point, maybe. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to be scoring this but I think Danes wins this round.

Point: Temple Freakin’ Grandin, though.

The real Temple Grandin has said that “geeks that cry keep jobs” and that she “turned her anger into crying.” What are the chances that one noted crying enthusiast would play another noted crying enthusiast in an HBO biopic? And you thought there were a lot of parallels between Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge.

Counterpoint: (Rachel Getting Married Spoiler) Killed her sibling while drunk. How’s that for ugly?

Little known fact, if your character inspired the ugly cries of other characters in the film, that counts a little, too. It’s like getting a recruitment bonus when you sign a friend up for your insurance.

The Verdict:

I don’t really know how to quantify this. I mean… they’re both really good. Why does everything have to be a competition? Why can’t we just appreciate their unique, teary, snotty-nosed talents on their own merit? Okay… I’m calling it a tie. But if Hathaway wins on Oscar night, she becomes the reigning queen of the Ugly Cry, until Danes EGOTs or something.

Note: All images link to source. You’ll notice that a lot of the Danes pics link to The Claire Danes Cry Face Project . I found out about that blog when I was drafting this, but haven’t read it yet because I didn’t want to be influenced… but now I’m going to go spend half a day there and you should too!
 
Note 2: Those wanting further discussion of the Hathaway ugly cry should join us on Sunday, February 24, as we live-blog the Oscars!
 
OSCAR UPDATE: Anne Hathaway won an Oscar for her Fantine ugly cry, gave a shoutout to prostitutes, and made our worst dressed list. She started her speech with “… it came true!”. “It” being the dream that she dreamed, of being the ugliest crier in all the land. Details are in our liveblog.

A Psychological Analysis Of Miley Cyrus’ Lyrics

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[A note from the future: this was written when the media/internet/world at large was hand-wringing over one of Miley’s scandals – not sure which – and finding ‘signs’ and ‘clues’ in everything she did to explain why they thought she was going off the deep end. Our opinion was that she was being young and living her life, albeit in a bit more loose-and-wacky way than we did at her age. The post below was sort of a parody of the over-the-top analysis that was all over the news that month.]

As a person who minored in psychology, and majored in teen pop culture, I am, I think, marginally qualified to analyze Miley Cyrus not qualified to do anything. Now, some of you may suggest that I look to Miley’s life decisions, like her engagement and major bleach-and-chop, to figure out what’s going on in Ms. Destiny Hope’s head. But I’d rather take the words straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, and look to Cyrus’s song lyrics.

See You Again:

“I’ve got a heart that will never be tamed” – Miley has a cardiac condition and does not believe that treatment is available. If she is speaking metaphorically, then she does not abide by convention and thinks that trying to do so would be futile. “Never tamed” may refer to an impulse control disorder or, at the least, attentional difficulties. Like, she may have adult ADD/ADHD. Sidebar, I tried to take an adult ADD test online, then quit paying attention midway through.

“I feel like I must have known you in another life” – Miley  belongs to a faith system that espouses reincarnation. Participation in religious activities can be a protective factor for teens, so good on you, Miles! However, schizoid disorders often manifest in the early twenties, but are not unheard of in teens. Cyrus might just be delusional.

“The last time I freaked out/ I just kept looking down/ I stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinking about” – Miley appears to be suffering from a nervous break. She may have an anxiety disorder, although her inability to make eye contact could also indicate interpersonal difficulties. Contrary to popular opinion, stuttering is not classed as a nervous disorder or necessarily associated with psychological trauma. However, the behavior may manifest more frequently in times of stress.

“Felt like I couldn’t breathe/ You asked what’s wrong with me/ My best friend Leslie said “Oh she’s just being Miley”” – Miley appears to be suffering from what is commonly called a “panic attack,” meeting at least a few of the diagnostic criteria from the DSM-IV. It is encouraging that she identifies Leslie as her “best friend,” as teens with positive social support usually have better outcomes than those without. The explanation that “she’s just being Miley” may indicate that Leslie accepts Miley’s quirks — however, she may also be trying to belittle Miley by using “relational aggression.” That is, she’s manipulating interpersonal relationships to hurt Miley’s self-esteem or social standing. See, e.g., Mean Girls.

“I got this crazy feeling deep inside/ When you called and asked to see me tomorrow night/ I’m not a mind reader but I’m reading the signs” — Miley believes that she has supernatural abilities. These delusions of grandeur may point to a narcissistic personality disorder. The fact that Miley can identify a “crazy feeling deep inside” might show that she is self aware.  In psychological terms, this may also be evidence that deep inside, she is crazy.

The take-away: Miley appears to be suffering from a panic attack, and may also have trouble controlling impulses. She may or may not be Buddhist. It’s possible that Miley has a social anxiety disorder. Leslie might be a bitch. Does anyone know if they’re still best friends?

7 Things:

“I probably shouldn’t say this/  But at times I get so scared/  When I think about the previous/ Relationship we shared”: Miley is a self-aware young lady who is expressing her fears, but there is a recurring theme of anxiety appearing. I hope the “previous relationships” isn’t that past life shit again.

“It was awesome but we lost it/  It’s not possible for me not to care”: Emotional detachment has a number of causes, from psychological trauma to borderline personality disorder. I’m going to go with BPD on this one, though. Pretty commonly diagnosed (some say over-diagnosed) in young women.

“It’s awkward and silent/ As I wait for you to say/ What I need to hear now/ Your sincere apology” Cyrus really feels awkward a lot, doesn’t she? Not to worry – again, feelings of social discomfort and low self-esteem are very typical in her social cohort! Maybe she feels awkward because she has a speech disorder, because “say” and “apology” don’t usually rhyme, but somehow she makes that happen.

The take-away: Miley is very good at expressing negative feelings, which is actually a good thing – repressing negative affect can have terrible consequences. She is really exhibiting some rebellious behavior here, though – the entire song is plagiarized from Kat’s poem at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You. Badass, Miles. Badass.

Party In The USA:

“I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan/ Welcome to the land of fame, excess, whoa am I gotta fit in?” Miley is insecure about finding a social group — again, very, very common concern of middle- and upper-class female teens. She is cold, but not like, jacket-cold.

“My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda homesick /Too much pressure and I’m nervous/ That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio/ And the Jay-Z song was on” Cyrus is experiencing a psychosomatic reaction to stress. Although “homesickness” is completely normal, this may also be a sign that Miley is too young to be without a familial support system. Fortunately, she finds a positive outlet in music. Unfortunately, she seems to place a great value on monetary success: while she refers to a popular rapper by name, the man driving her around is relegated to status as “taxi man,” defined by his profession.

“So I put my hands up, they’re playin’ my song/ The butterflies fly away I’m noddin’ my head like “Yeah!” /Movin’ my hips like “Yeah!”/ Got my hands up, they’re playin’ my song / And now I’m gonna be okay / Yeah! It’s a party in the USA! / Yeah! It’s a party in the USA!” Dancing, a form of exercise, provides an endorphin release. Miley responds in the affirmative. There is a party, and that party is in the United States. So is Miley.

Get to the club in my taxi cab/ Everybody’s lookin’ at me now /Like “Who’s that chick that’s rockin’ kicks She’s gotta be from out of town”/ So hard with my girls not around me / It’s definitely not a Nashville party  / ‘Cause all I see are stilettos / I guess I never got the memo: The feeling of everyone looking at her could be early manifestation of schizophrenia or narcissistic personality disorder, as discussed above. However, it is much more likely that Miley is feeling self-conscious. Totally fine. It is “so hard when [her] girls aren’t around” because the peer group is an important social support for young adults. Plus, girlfriend wore the wrong shoes and maybe someone could have told her.

Feel like hoppin’ on a flight, on a flight / Back to my hometown tonight, town tonight  / Something stops me every time, every time / The DJ plays my song and I feel alright: Cyrus has not adjusted to her new home, and is ambivalent about staying, but has developed a positive coping mechanism (attending parties in the USA), so will stay.  In studies of resilience in adolescents, the ability to control impulses is pivotal, as are communication skills – presumably, our girl is meeting some friends at these parties, helping her to adjust. Her stutter may have returned a little there.

Hoedown Throwdown:

“We get to four, five, six / And you’re feelin’ busted /  But it’s not time to quit Practice makes you perfect/ Pop it, lock it, polka dot it /  Country fivin’, hip hop hip / Put your arms in the sky, move side to side /  Jump to the left, stick it, glide” : Miley believes that you should persevere until you’ve achieved success. Atta girl! Because a positive outlook really does increase the likelihood of positive outcomes! The rest of this, I don’t really understand.

The Climb:

I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there’s a voice inside my head saying “You’ll never reach it”: Low self-esteem. Again. Plus, an actual voice in her head? That is what the psychologists call “not great.”

There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose: Although this initially sounds like pessimism, Miley is simply realistic. This is better than a grandiose expectation of success.

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa: Miley believes in something. Possibly Buddha.

Overall analysis:

Miley talks a LOT about being unsure or having low self-esteem. This is normal, but sometimes it’s like, come on, Miley! Don’t Taylor Swift us and talk about how you’re just some poor ol’ girl who wears sneakers. You’ve been rich and famous since you were like 13, and your dad is rich and famous, too! Because of Achy Breaky Heart, though. Yeah, go ahead with your low confidence, I guess.

For real, does anyone have receipts on the whole Miley-Leslie thing?

My Summer As A Costumed Character

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Sometimes, on late-night talk shows or women’s magazines, an interviewer will ask a successful actor about the terrible jobs they had on their way up. And invariably, the star will respond that at some point, they had to dress up in an embarrassing costume for minimum wage. And guys, stars really ARE just like us, because I had to do the same thing! Here is my story.

The summer after my junior year of college, I decided I was so over working at a movie theatre box office/ concession stand and found a new job as a hostess at a family dining chain that I’ll call Blue Bluebird. In case you’ve never been to a restaurant, a  hostess is a person who underestimates your wait time, shows you to your table, and is dressed as a human. Within a few days, it was pretty clear that the head hostess absolutely hated me. She was a young blonde girl around my age, who went to community college nearby. She’d do things like “forget” to give me all of the training information, so that I’d fail the stupid test we had to take on what goes on the Mexican Fiesta Fun burger.

After I’d been on the job for a few weeks, this girl decided that, since one of the other hostesses was away at dance camp, I’d have to start taking shifts as “Blue,” the chain’s costumed bluebird who appears in the lobby to terrify children a few times a week. As time wore on, I noticed that I was having to dress as Blue almost every shift.

In case you’ve never worked as a costumed character, here are some things you should know:

– So that you don’t overheat in the costume, you have to strap ice packs to your person. The device pretty much resembles an armored vest full of freeze-pops. This is so cold that it hurts upon contact, but once you have been walking around in costume for a few minutes, it is entirely useless.

– Like a baby or a bride, you cannot be trusted to dress yourself. Fortunately I’m not very shy.

– No, seriously, fortunately I’m not very shy. There is no changing room, so you get dressed in a corner of the stock room. You were allowed to get changed behind the coat rack. But it was summer, and the coat rack was empty, and you can’t hide a half-naked, half-bird-costumed body behind a metal pole with bare hangers on it.

– As often as not,  the bus boy had to get something from this part of the stock room exactly at this time. I don’t mean to flatter myself too much, as he was a very busy young man who often had to retrieve things.

– As Blue, you had to have a buddy lead you around because your field of vision was very small. You could see in front of you, beginning at about 4 feet ahead – you couldn’t see your feet and had no peripheral vision.

– The buddy also had to play lookout to see if there were any kids who were terrified of you.

– One toddler came up to me and wanted a high five, so I put my hand out. Then the toddler started crying, and the mom FREAKED OUT on me. Lady, I don’t know your baby! And don’t even try to pretend that two year olds are logical, ‘cause they’re not.

– A 12-ish year old girl who seemed like she had special needs insisted on hugging me for so long that I thought I was going to get prosecuted for child abuse.

– When you weren’t being led from table to table, you were supposed to hop around with balloons and dance like a buffoon in the front lobby.

– The job was sort of cushy in that you had to take breaks once an hour or so so that you didn’t overheat and die.

– The costume consisted of an enormous bird head, a bird body, shiny yellow leggings, and oversized sneakers. Although I’d started wearing leggings because they were “in” in Spain during my semester abroad, they hadn’t caught on in the states yet. This was 2007 or so. Thus, most people hadn’t seen a lady in leggings for about 20 years. As such, despite the fact that I was dressed as a horrific costumed bird, more than a few adults made inappropriate comments about my legs. I don’t think this would happen these days, because leggings aren’t so out of the ordinary. Although, these are adults making obscene comments to a young lady dressed as a cartoon bluebird, who am I to say where they draw the line?

– In general, adults are very likely to say horrible things to you or try to touch you if they can’t see your face.

– Some children are little a-holes who will try to trip you and taunt you. They will probably grow into adults who make lurid comments to college-aged girls dressed as birds.

By the end of the summer, the mean hostess girl had taken a Disney internship, where I hope they made her dress as Chip or Dale, but where it is more likely that she bossed around her poor underlings at Ariel’s Grotto. And shortly after that, I was long gone, back to college with only terrible memories, minimum wage savings, and probably a few extra pounds from the unlimited french fries I consumed to drown my embarrassment.