Last week, the cult comedy returned for a fifth season and let me just say for the record – it’s already better than 90% of the episodes from last season.
For those who aren’t fans/not familiar with the situation at hand, Community has always been in underdog status with NBC. It has always been in danger of being cancelled, not to mention its time slot was constantly moved around as well as its premiere date. Fans rallied to save the show, repeating the mantra ‘Six Seasons and a Movie’ in reference to something Abed says in the show.
At the end of season 3, creator/executive producer/mastermind Dan Harmon left the show, leaving his baby in the hands of two other guys who were decent but not as genius as Dan Harmon. Thus, season 4 was widely panned by critics and fans alike (I will say there were at least 3 good episodes. Out of 13).
Luckily for us, Dan Harmon is BACK for the fifth season and we can have renewed hope in this show once again. If you’re one of those folks who stopped watching after season three or mid-season 4, here are some reasons you need to get your ass back to Greendale.
1) Dan Harmon
Except Chevy wouldn’t be thinking this…
Like I mentioned, Dan Harmon is back. His crazy yet talented mind is back. He left the show in the first place because of something to do with NBC and hating Chevy Chase, so now that Chevy is gone and I guess he’s mended his ties with the network, he’s agreed to come back. Not to mention Joel McHale championed for him to come back.
Dan has a certain style of writing, a creative way of telling stories that is so unique that it’s hard to recreate. And that’s clearly been proven. A show as meta and pop culture-refrencey (scientific term) as Community can only be done right by him.
2) Guest Stars
Basically the entire cast of Breaking Bad is going to be on the show, so just watch it. Okay, maybe not the entire cast. Just Jonathan Banks (Mike) who has essentially replaced Chevy Chase and Vince Gilligan (!). Speaking of creators of great TV shows, Mitch Hurwitz, the guy behind Arrested Development will be on, as well as Tobias Funke David Cross. Then there’s also Nathan Fillion, Ben Folds, and Chris Elliot, but hey, who’s keeping track?
3) Jeff Winger as a Teacher
That’s right, everyone’s favorite lawyer-turned-community college student finally graduated and has no where else to go but backwards. But how will the rest of the study group react to this turn of events? Will it just be a shitshow?
These are the show’s bread and butter. With Dan at the helm, he was able to pull off genre spoofs like Spaghetti Westerns, a Law & Order episode, even a Ken Burns type documentary about Pillow Vs. Blanket forts. Not to mention some of my fave concept episodes which involve paintball, Dungeons and Dragons and probably the greatest ep to date – Remedial Chaos Theory which explores a night with the gang in seven alternate timelines. And it looks like we’re back on track with this S5 trailer spoof of Mad Men, which is known for its unrevealing extremely vague promos.
5) Troy’s departure
Ok, I’m not so much as looking forward to this as interested to see how he will leave and if Abed can stay alive for the rest of the series. Troy, played by my boo Donald Glover, is only in 5 of the 13 episodes this season because he’s got better things to do like rap and produce shows because he’s super talented. But will his BFFL Abed be able to go on without him? Will they finally be forced to grow up? Will he take off his shirt one last time? I don’t think I’ll be able to handle this.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, FRIENDS!!! Hope you’re enjoying the holiday today (if you celebrate it). In the event you get a little down time from unwrapping gifts and eating, please enjoy our gift to you, in the form of a (yet to be produced) musical from a popular 90s young adult series. It’s really the gift that keeps on giving, folks. Yay Santa!
If I know one thing that sells these days, it’s nostalgia. And if I know two things that sell these days, they’re nostalgia, and making musicals out of things that were never intended to be musicals. While I haven’t exactly worked out the whole thing, here are some song titles and sample lyrics from my smash hit in the making, The Baby-Sitters Club: The Musical.
The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone: This number is narrated by the Greek Chorus, which is comprised of three ladies dressed as Ann M. Martin, Beverly Cleary, and Francine Pascal (read: three women in cardigans with glasses and sensible haircuts).
Sample lyrics:
I know you will skip over this, As you wait for the story to begin – But listen, Please! And don’t forget About Jessi’s cocoa colored skin. And Mallory’s clear braces hide The potential she has within – Hey Reader! Come back here! Do not disparage The chapter that tells of the Schafer-Spier marriage It’s The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone, Ghostwritten just for you!
Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate: In this selection, the babysitters and their charges mourn the demise of the nuclear family, as evidenced by Stonybrook’s sky-high divorce rate [see Dawn’s mom, Kristy’s parents, the Brewers, most of the charges who weren’t part of the 27-kid Pike family].
Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate, Reprise: The ever-opportunistic BSC celebrates the economic advantages of marital instability in Stonybrook: with so many single-parent households and moms on the dating market, there is an obscene need for babysitters.
Shannon Kilbourne is Boring: As associate member Shannon Kilbourne leaves the BSC to pursue additional college courses (probably with that nerd Janine Kishi, am I right?), the Baby-Sitters Club does not care. Because Shannon Kilbourne is really, really boring.
Sample lyrics:
Shannon Kilbourne is Boring There’s nothing else to say If Shannon Kilbourne’s a color Then Shannon Kilbourne is grey Like the stony halls of S.M.S. On an empty summer day No one cares about Shannon Kilbourne We’d gladly give her away.
She’s our associate member We call her when we get stuck But Shannon’s not at our meetings Cause Shannon Kilbourne sucks She gives it her best effort, yes But I still don’t give a fuck We won’t miss Shannon Kilbourne Shannon, Good Bye, Good Luck!
[Shannon shrugs and walks away. She even walks away boring. There is no point to Shannon Kilbourne, and everyone knows it.]
The Diabetes Ballet: In this dance interlude, a dreaming Stacy finds herself stalked by dancing Twinkies, Twix, and Twizzlers that are hidden throughout Claudia’s room. She wakes up having wet the bed. [I can’t be the only person who has that moment in Stacy’s medical history seared in her memory.]
Almond-Shaped Eyes, Broken-Shaped Heart: Claudia mourns Mimi, her grandmother who taught her what love really is.
Sample Lyrics:
My earrings are ketchup and mustard bottles, My leggings are airbrushed with relish But my themed outfit grows from a sorrow below Like a Bedazzler that cannot embellish.
My cowboy hat and boots may match My cactus skirt and bolo tie But nothing can match the sadness Of the tears from my almond-shaped eyes.
Bart’s Bashings: After Kristy’s Krushers defeat Bart’s Bashers on the Little League field, Bart delivers his own crushing blow: he breaks up with Kristy due to their “incompatibilities.”
Sample Lyrics:
[Bart] Hey Kristy! When I talk to you, I run out of words to say – Because all you talk about is softball, or the gym pants you bought today, It’s not that I think you’re annoying – No! I just kinda think that you’re —
[Greek Chorus] SHH!
[Bart, spoken:] Well, you know everyone’s been thinking it… You act like we’re an item, Kris, but girl, you’re no great thespian, And those are some clunky boots you’ve got for a girl who’s not an equestrian, It’s clear from context and subtext that your character’s really a —
[Greek Chorus] Bart! Come on!
Kristy Thomas, Bossy Bitch: The BSC members discuss how Kristy, while a smart and savvy go-getter, is also a controlling teen tyrant:
Sample Lyrics:
Someday she’ll be CEO Someday she’ll be rich, Some day she’ll set the world alight, But right now, Kristy’s a bitch!Kristy will someday be the head Of a multi-national corporation, And I’ll just say I knew her when She was the bitchiest teen in the nation!Kristy could run the FBI! Kristy could be the president! But in my heart she’ll always be Stonybrook’s bitchiest resident.
But that’s just a bit of what The Babysitter’s Club: The Musical has to offer! Check some stage very far from Broadway around 2018 or so to hear these other great selections: JK Rowling, Plagiarist (in which the Pikes file suit for copyright infringement because the Weasleys were obviously based on them), Nobody Likes You, Karen Brewer (Gigundoly Bratty remix), BSC Super Special! (it’s exactly like a regular song but longer and with occasional cursive), and I Know He’s Just a Young Adult Character But I’ve Always Felt Like Logan Bruno’s Probably Really Hot.Continue reading →
We’ve had an amazing first year here at Cookies + Sangria, and we owe a lot of that to the best readers on the internet. As a “thank you” for making Year One so great, we’re closing out 2013 with a few of our favorite posts from the past 12 months. We hope you enjoy the look back, and we’ll see you in 2014 with new content in the new year! Happy Holidays!
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From Axl Jack to North West to more common names like Winnie Rose and Prince George, a bunch of unknowing babies were born to celebrities this year, but since a majority of them tend to pick the weird monikers of the name spectrum, would it really be that weird if any of these words would be made into names?
A universe without absurd celebrity baby names would be like a universe without circus peanuts. Some people adore them, some people abhor them, but the world would be a little less sweet — yet fully operational — without them.
I have compiled a list of words that sound like celebrity baby names, because that’s just the kind of lady I am. Note that all of these were chosen based on sound and spelling, not meaning.
Update: As of June 2013, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their baby North West. Obviously, they’ve taken the “words that sound like celebrity baby names” thing to heart.
Rayon (Boy. It will go on to widespread use among commoners. After a few years, a celeb will use it on a girl to be “edgy.” The Internet will be divided about that.) [Ed. note: A not-so-secret secret here at C+S is that we write/queue our posts up to a month in advance. A few weeks after I wrote this, this post appeared: a (non-celeb) Rayon already exists in the UK! I don’t want you all to feel scammed, so I’m adding a bonus eleventh name at the end of the list.]
Peplum (Girl. The mother is quirky and British or French. They call her Peppy.)
Cavalry (Girl. She will be aptly and unfortunately horse-faced.)
Madrina (Girl. The mother will explain that she is “named after my godmother.”)
Loafer (Boy. The mom will refer to him as Lo in interviews (in which she never shuts up about him.))
Gradient (Boy. It will go on to mass appeal with parents who like Grady but want “something more formal.” These are the same people who name their boys Brentson and Troyton but only ever plan to call them Brent and Troy.)
Attaché (Girl. An aging rocker’s child with a much younger woman. They will insist on calling her Che, but she will become Attie once she’s old enough to have opinions.)
Avarice (Girl. Looks like Ava + Alice + Beatrice, all of which are already “in” these days. I bet someone somewhere has already done this.)
Aril (Unisex. Starts as a boy name but becomes a popular misspelling of Ariel. Aril and Lira become a trendy twin name duo.)
Carton (Boy. With Carter, Carson, and names ending in -on as popular as they are, I’m surprised and disappointed that nobody has done this yet.)
Answer (Unisex. The parents will already have a kid with a word name, like Ever or Story — believe it or not, there are already 2 celebrity babies with each of those names. Names starting with A are popular, and it starts with Ann, which is a name, so I don’t even think this is too off-base. The parents will have some cheesy explanation for the name, like “She is the answer to our prayers!” or “Whenever he is questioning something, he only has to look to himself for the answer.” )
Ah, December. The time for friends and family get together to celebrate the holidays watch the winter finales of their favorite shows. This time of year is already stressful with buying gifts, forced holiday parties, and spending too much time with family members you may not care for. But on top of that, TV fans have to gear up for a winter of no new episodes until the next year.
To help you cope with your addictions, I (myself an addict) have compiled a list of shows you should watch during the next few weeks (or months in some cases) until your faves come back on air. For example, last year, I watched all seven seasons of The West Wing in about 26 days. I realize how ridiculous that sounds, but hey, it helped distract me from the cliffhanger of Nashville. I’m only here to help, y’all.
Happy watching!
If you like:
Scandal
You might like:
The West Wing
Speaking of The West Wing… All 7 seasons are on Netflix, so you have no excuse (unless you don’t have Netflix). Scandal is probably the most difficult show to ween yourself off of, especially if you’re a #Gladiator who live tweets and doesn’t miss a single episode. Not to mention, it doesn’t come back until February 27th! So if you enjoy the political side of Scandal, excellent writing, the invention of the ‘walk and talk’ and most importantly, the never sarcastic Josh Malina/David Rosen, who plays Will Bailey from season 3 on, you’ll certainly enjoy this Emmy-winning series that went off the air seven years ago. Warning: there’s certainly not as much sex on this show – but there’s Rob Lowe and a ‘Will they- Won’t they’ situation between Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford) and his assistant Donna Moss (Janel Maloney).
If you like:
Parks and Recreation
You might like:
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
One name: Mike Schur. If you don’t know who he is and you’re a fan of Parks and Rec and/or The Office, you can revoke your fan privileges right now. Mike used to be a writer on The Office (and also played Dwight’s weird cousin Mose), but left the show to create Parks with Office creator Greg Daniels. Mike decided his one amazing show on NBC wasn’t enough, so he and Dan Goor, also from Parks, created Brooklyn Nine-Nine. The show is hilarious and has the same kind of ensemble quality that both Parks and The Office had. In addition, you can’t go wrong with Andy Samberg as a quirky cop. And don’t forget the fact that both the show and Andy just got nominated for Golden Globes? Congrats Mike Schur.
If you like:
Modern Family
You might like:
Trophy Wife
I’ve talked about my love for Trophy Wife before, and it certainly has not waned since then. This show just keeps getting better and better. A non-traditional family with traditional support and love for each other is exactly the type of foundation Modern Family was built on, and this show is just a different take on it. Make sure you watch the Christmas episode – probably the best of the season so far.
If you like:
Grey’s Anatomy
You might like:
Chicago Fire
Common workplace? Check. Major problem (medical mystery/kid stuck in a burning building)? Check. Hot guys? Check. Lesbians? Check. On-again, off-again/love triangles? Check. Did I mention hot guys? Check. I mean, what are you waiting for?
If you like:
Mad Men
You might like:
Masters of Sex
Okay, this is kind of not following my previous template since Mad Men hasn’t been on since the spring and is coming back in March, but it’s the closest thing to Masters of Sex. This Showtime series just wrapped its first season, and only got better as the season went on. Just like Mad Men, it’s a period drama set in the 1950s centered on (real people) Dr. William Masters (Michael Sheen) and Virginia Johnson (Lizzy Caplan), who were pioneering researchers of human sexuality. Clearly, there’s plenty of sex and nudity happening on this show. But unlike Mad Men where affairs run rampant, the sex mainly happens in the context of their research. Of course both Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan do an amazing job, but the supporting characters like Beau Bridges and his wife Allison Janney (Allison Janney! From The West Wing!!!) are just as outstanding. It’s only 12 episodes you guys!
If you like:
Homeland
You might like:
Homeland Season 1 & 2
No (major?) spoilers if you haven’t seen the season three finale yet, but UGHHH. It will be interesting to see where they go from here. That being said, season three was like a roller coaster and you had no idea where it was going, how it was going to end, or if you even liked it, but you still rode it anyways. If you liked season three, you should probably watch the first two seasons again to remind you how good the show used to be.
Christmas Eve is only a week away, and if you haven’t gotten yourself into the spirit yet, it’s time to start — unless you don’t celebrate Christmas, in which case, carry on as you were. In the spirit of the season, we present you with a dozen days’ worth of 90s Christmas episodes, because if there’s a perfect cross-section of things we love, it’s 90s, tv, and holidays.
Enjoy a restrained viewing experience of an episode per day from now til the end of Christmas week, or spend a solid 6-12 hour block binging on holiday cheer. Extra-awesome: the episodes are ordered chronologically, so you can follow all of the wacky hair trends, silly fashions, and political references (this is probably the only Christmas post you’ll read this year that mentions the Clinton impeachment).
DAY ONE
Family Matters – Have Yourself A Merry Winslow Christmas (1990)
Family Matters never shied away from showing you the weird love-hate, codependent, mocking relationship the grown-assed-adult Winslows had with the sad, outcast teenaged boy next door. In this episode, Steve ruins the Winslows’ Chrismas (of course!) but is invited over after Laura finds him alone in his basement, abandoned by his real family. Shouldn’t somebody call child protective?
Babysitters Club – Baby Sitters Special Christmas (1990)
Don’t they mean SUPER-Special Christmas? Come on, Ann M. Martin! Believe it or not, this is streaming on Netflix
DAY TWO
Saved By The Bell – Home For Christmas (1991)
Everybody gets mall jobs and then they make friends with a homeless girl who we never see again. What’s not to love? (Teen homelessness).
The Cosby Show – Clair’s Place (1991)
Cliff builds a special room for Clair, the family decorates the tree, and there are cookies. Christmas is honestly just a backdrop for an entire episode built on the theme “MAMA JUST NEEDS SOME ‘ME TIME'”.
DAY THREE
Rugrats – The Santa Experience (1992)
Hard to believe that mere infants at the time this episode aired are now of legal drinking age. As are Tommy and the gang, come to think of it. There’s just too much good stuff in this episode – a coveted Deluxe Cynthia toy, the adults getting thwarted when they try to dress as Santa, a Gift of the Magi situation between Phil and Lil, and a cozy getaway cabin.
DAY FOUR
Roseanne – White Trash Christmas (1993)
In the most Roseanne-y Christmas move ever, the family rebels against neighborhood decoration rules by decorating their house real trashy-like. Also, Fake Becky works at Fake Hooters.
The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air: ‘Twas The Night Before Christening (1993)
Sure, it isn’t the best Christmas episode ever, but it is the only one featuring Boyz II Men. Good news: they perform at Nicky’s christening. Bad news: That one guy doesn’t start the song by talking all low and deep, something like “Boy… today we dedicate you to God. But first, I dedicate my love… all of my love… and this song” and then they all start doing a dance with folding chairs. That’s how I’d have played it.
DAY FIVE
My So-Called Life – So-Called Angels (1994)
Some of the best Christmas episodes don’t as much warm your heart, so much as cut it open like a merry Yuletide knife. I mean, Angel Juliana Hatfield? Little Ricky with his little candles? Brian on the helpline? MSCL always tugs at my heartstrings (remember Rayanne with Sesame Street and the song about the car?), and this episode just proves why Claire Danes has been making us all ugly cry for 2 decades.
DAY SIX
Full House – Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen (1994)
This episode is from Full House’s golden age, and boy does it show. It has a Michelle-centric plot, a person stranded away from family before Christmas (Jesse gets arrested), a guest star who’s probably too good for this (Mickey Rooney), and my all-time favorite Christmas episode trope — the characters helping a crotchety old man reconnect with his family at Christmas.
DAY SEVEN
Living Single – Let It Snow, Let It Snow Let it Snow… Dammit (1995)
The crew celebrates Christmas in a Canadian cabin, there’s a Mountie, Synclaire dyes his Santa suit pink, and we all learn the Real Meaning Of Christmas (TM).
Home Improvement – Twas The Flight Before Christmas (1995)
You know, tv had me believe that I’d be stuck in an airport during major holidays way more than I actually have. Bonus: this episode aired at the height of JTT mania, so you can watch this and try to remember what we were all thinking. This episode has such a truly witty and spectacular title that it was re-used by an episode of the Disney show Dog With A Blog (which sounds like an insult someone would use if they hate me and also think I’m ugly).
DAY EIGHT
The Adventures Of Pete And Pete – O’ Christmas Pete (1996)
If anyone daresquestion why us millenials have been flocking to quirky independent comedies since our teen years, I’d point them to The Adventures Of Pete And Pete. Unlike the shiny neon Nickelodeon shows of today, Pete and Pete was decidedly offbeat. This Christmas episode shows what happens when a kid follows the universal desire to keep Christmas going as long as possible. Even as an adult, I still hate that 12/26 slump.
DAY NINE
Seinfeld – The Strike (1997)
My family celebrates Festivus off-and-on. I hold my own in the Airing of Grievances, but the Feats Of Strength didn’t go so well as an 11-year-old girl with two giant older brothers.
DAY TEN
Ally McBeal – Making Spirits Bright (1998)
Vonda Shepherd sings, there’s a Christmas party at the office, Billy defends a man who claimed to see a unicorn, and we find out that Young Ally also saw a unicorn, because she clearly has a lifetime history of hallucinations that she probably should have looked into at some point.
DAY ELEVEN
Saturday Night Live – Alec Baldwin (1998)
Fond, awkward family memories: my whole family – grandparents, siblings, aunts, etc – were all watching this episode when the Schweddy Balls sketch aired. We all tried to stifle our laughter – to no avail – while keeping my Grammy in our peripheral vision. She was super-proper and prayed the rosary every day. An all-around good episode, it also aired at the height of the Clinton impeachment scandal, and included a sketch where Molly Shannon plays a clown with weird feelings about a little girl who looks like a grown man, a Bill Brasky segment, and a Harlem Globetrotters Christmas cartoon.
DAY TWELVE
Friends – The One With The Routine (1999)
You know, you should really watch all of the Friends Christmas eps, but I like ending our series with this one because it’s also a New Year ep. Favorite parts: the “AZ” and the routine, which I compulsively rewound with my friend Jenny to learn all of the steps when we were supposed to be watching her baby sister.
On Tuesday, this guy came out with a new album:
Yes, this is the actual cover for Childish Gambino’s new record. I bought the actual CD, and not only are his eyes staring directly into my soul, but it’s a HOLOGRAM. Well worth my $10.
BTW, if you don’t know who this is, this is rapper/singer/artist/actor/writer/producer/all around G of all trades, Donald Glover. Most people know him as Troy Barnes on Community (#SixSeasonsAndAMovie), which is how I originally became of fan of him. I caught on to his alter ego’s music circa 2010, when he came out with Culdesac, and his impressive skills and frequent pop culture refs have made me been hooked ever since. Not to mention, he puts on an amazing live show, and I’ve seen him every time he’s played in LA – including the one time I didn’t realize I got pit tickets and was really close to him and watched his Community pals watch him from the sidelines.
When I almost died after he took his shirt off and we were thisclose from him. If you look closely, you can see Alison Brie in the back!
Now here we are with his new album, a record that shouldn’t even be called a record because it’s so much more than that. In addition to the music, he’s released a 72-page screenplay on the becausetheinter.net website. The music on the album acts as a soundtrack to the scenes (or vice versa). Not only that, but a few months ago, he released a 24 minute movie that supposedly acts as the prelude to the because the internet screenplay/album. In fact, a fan has a theory that over the past year, CG has been incorporating the elements from BTI in his tweets, insta, interviews, etc. You can read more of the theory here, it’s insane.
But before you delve into the new joint, especially if you’re new to the game, it’s important to know where CG came from and how he’s grown as an artist (because clearly, there’s a rhyme and reason to everything he does). So I’ve compiled a few of my favorite tracks of his to get you started.
Sunshine {Pointdexter}
This is off one of CG’s earliest mix tapes and he sounds completely different than he does today, but this track proves that he was just more than an actor.
Do Ya Like {Culdesac}
Pre-Rolling in the Deep, Adele had minor hits off her album 19, and on that same record there’s a song called Melt My Heart to Stone. And CG managed to sample that song on this track. And it’s fucking catchy as hell.
Put it in My Video {Culdesac}
From the very start as the first note drops, you know what’s up. You can not only put it in his video but have a sick dance party (by yourself) or with friends, too.
I Got This Money {Culdesac}
The version below is the acoustic version, which I actually like better than the original, but you might like that one better. S/o to the guitar player, whose name is Ludwig Goransson who is CG’s main music man, not to mention he’s the music supervisor on a ton of TV shows, including Community.
Be Alone – Freaks and Geeks – My Shine – Lights Turned On – Not Going Back {EP}
THE ENTIRE EP RECORD BECAUSE IT IS PERFECT. Really. Every single song.
Bonfire {Camp}
What better way to lead off an album called Camp with a song called Bonfire? From the first note, you get a sense of what the record is, which is … on fire.
Fire Fly {Camp}
Just imagine bumpin’ this song in the summer, ridin’ in your drop top, passin’ by kids playing in fire hydrants… basically imagine if you lived in Do The Right Thing for about 3 minutes and that’s what this song feels like.
Heartbeat {Camp}
From the moment I heard this song, I knew it would be one of my all time favorites. It’s been two years since this album released and I STILL don’t get sick of this song. Hearing it live is even more of an experience – it gets inside your soul (Seriously, see this man live. It will change your life).
This was the lead single of CG’s 2012 mix tape, and probably my fave of the bunch. That’s all I have to say about that.
Unnecessary {R O Y A L T Y}
CG goes hard. And serves up realness.
Won’t Stop (ft. Danielle Haim) {R O Y A L T Y}
Danielle Haim of HAIM, you guys. This song is really deep and I appreciate that.
Real Estate {R O Y A L T Y}
This is a song featuring Tina Fey rapping. Yes, that Tina Fey (PS: If you didn’t know, Donald used to write for 30 Rock – an even won an Emmy for it – so there’s your Queen Tina connection).
IV. Sweatpants {because the internet}
Because I’m old school and actually buy CDs of artists that I love instead of streaming it online days before it’s released, I’ve only listened to the album a couple of times all the way through. That being said, this song stuck out right away. He’s only getting better, folks.
Bonus Tracks:
Break (AOTL)
Because Kanye West’s All of the Lights was so damn good it needed to be incorporated into a CG song.
The Longest Text Message
The phrase “sad face emoticon” are real lyrics to this song, hence Gambino’s mastermind status.
According to my Facebook feed, some girls wait all year for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, but I’ve never been into it – or really even watched it – until now. It’s not because it offends my high-brow sensibilities (I live-blog Carrie Underwood musicals and reality tv, after all). It’s not because I dislike the brand (though they rarely have sub-A sizes in stock, so it doesn’t work for me). Watching the VS Fashion Show for the first time last night, I realized the reason that I’m not into it is that I just don’t get it. Segment by segment, everything I saw made me say “WTF.”
Poorly Conceived UK Stereotypes Segment (bear with me, I missed the name of this one)
The segment opens with those British soldiers who can’t smile when you make fun of them in photos (but f’real, if you’re over age 18, there’s no excuse for that).
When the models’ names are given, I can’t help but notice that this whole shebang has been straight outsourced. Whatever happened to American jobs for American workers, am I right?
Fall Out Boy is playing, because the VS fashion show was planned by the guy who DJ’ed every basement college party I went to in 2005.
Do we know who any of these people in the audience shots are? Because I thought I saw Steve Carrell, bearded.
I think the ladies are supposed to be British stock characters. I count a gangster moll, a lady with black wings, an impractically-dressed soccer player, and what I assume to be an equestrienne/dominatrix.
As I posted this, I thought maybe the pinstripes were supposed to be less mafia and more Sexy MP? And that maybe the VS fashion show is like Halloween, with girls all dressed as the hot version of something-or-other.
Like, this girl is either Hot British Solider or Hot Queen Elizabeth’s Throne.
How’d that girl get those eyebrows? Cara Delevingne, I mean. Of all of the reasons to be jealous of the VS models, this is what’s making me green with envy. All the sparse-eyebrowed redheads understand me right now.
T Swift has wore a tiny Union Jack hat, which reminds me of the tiny hat sketch from SNL. I also don’t understand what T. Swift has to do with England.
A model (an angel? Is that the AP standard for a VS model) is wearing a black and white checked number and I feel like I have vertigo.
Barbara Fialho, officially probably the best-looking Barbara in the world (no offense to your aunt or grandma).
Another model appeared to cross herself like 8 times in a row before going on stage. Jesus take the wheel.
A few weeks ago, Jessica Hart said that Taylor Swift didn’t belong on the show, or didn’t fit – even throwing in a “God bless her heart,” the ultimate in mean-nice speak. Really, girl? I can’t think of a place that Taylor Swift belongs more than a Victoria’s Secret fashion show, except for maybe a living Lisa Frank binder. Pink sparkles and angel wings? All she needs is a famous guy to break up with her here and she’ll be in all her glory.
The childhood pics of the models are sort of sweet. I saw Girl Model and a lot of the business seems pretty terrible, and obviously these gals are like the 1%ers of modeling, but seriously, good for them.
Shipwrecked
Great Big World is playing. I hope we’re not overstating the Seth Cohen of things lately, but this guy really does remind me of our the love child of our favorite Newport-ian and Ben Folds.
A model is wearing wings that look like toilet paper. It looks like nothing so much as that bridal shower game where you have to make a dress out of TP.
Someone please tell me who the guy who looks like a bearded Steve Carell is.
A very orange-tan lady is walking. Did she get rollered or airbrushed, I wonder? My main frame of reference here is Honey Boo Boo.
Evidently, “shipwrecked” means pieces of tangled garbage and dead jellyfish, based on the bedraggled wings. That’s actually super-accurate. The costumes look like they were made of debris that you find in the surf in Hyannisport.
Now we get to find out how the models feel about deserted islands – and let me tell you, it’s a mixed bag. My favorite is the girl who says that obviously they would need wifi. But if I have to bet on one of them to survive on a desert isle, it’s the chick with the sensible bob (Karlie Kloss). She knows what’s up.
Commercial Break
Oh my god, there are commercials during this giant commercial. This is the most WTF moment of them all.
Parisian Nights
Evidently Parisian Nights means something other than trying to sleep in a hostel when a bunch of high German teenagers come in at 5 am. Victoria’s Secret, you are not reflecting my experience here.
Embarrassing: By this point in the show I have pulled up the Angel Line-Up on the VS website so I know who these people are. I already know a lot of the models because, while I’m not a VS fan, I pore over Style.com during the various fashion weeks. There’s a workout on the VS website that looks pretty good, but unless it stretches me out a foot and somehow involves a face transplant, it’s not as though it will make me look like these ladies.
Everyone’s lingerie has these weird straps between the bra and underwear. [Note: I’m saying underwear because I’m not saying panties.] Do people do that? Maybe it’s a wing harness?
I think the music note headdress is the best accessory of this segment, so far.
No, wait, I like the teal blue gloves that look like something a nurse would wear during some sort of uncomfortable procedure.
No, actually, my real favorite thing is the girl in dishwashing gloves.
How come some of the models rate wings and others don’t? I kind of want to stop the wingless girls and tell them, you know, “girlfriend, you ARE beautiful,” but since beautiful is their job description, they probably know, right? That would be like them telling me “Girlfriend, you ARE a lawyer.”
I’ve seen my fair share of Toddlers and Tiaras and I was lead to believe there would be more cupcake hands, pretty feet, and “oopsies” faces in runway events.
There’s a behind-the-scenes feature about shooting their campaign in Paris, in the cold, in underwear, in the middle of the night. No thanks.
Birds of Paradise
According to the other models, Lais is the sweet one who fell, once. She couldn’t do the show. So, here’s my theory: the VS show is, for some ladies, what football is to some men. There’s the gory injuries, the triumph over adversity, knowing all of the major players and picking favorites. You watch people who were probably dealt a way better genetic hand then you, but you still kind of feel like you can armchair quarterback them (or armchair runway walk). So, ladies, if a guy makes fun of you for watching this, just tell him that it’s the same as football and I’m sure he’ll take that analogy really well.
Lais gets to open Birds of Paradise because she was injured out last year. The way they talk about “what happened to [her] last year,” you’d think that her family got killed and she got AIDS, but no, it was some ankle thing. (That does suck, though. I actually feel really bad for her?)
“Birds of paradise” means wearing giant feathers, so the angels all look like Hot Big Bird now.
My new favorite is the girl wearing a mylar balloon heart instead of wings.
The models show us their “natural” and “sexy” face-looks. For me, both of those faces are just a sort of grimace.
Neon Jungle
A man in a suit says that the girls are “literally the rock stars of social media,” but wouldn’t that be literally… rock stars? I’m sure there are some on Twitter.
The models present a handy PSA about being careful about what you post online. The CEO (?) LOVES how active they are on social media (because it means free publicity, duh).
There’s a girl walking for the first time and she looks like a young Sarah Silverman.
There’s a skirt with hashtags on it.
Neon Jungle’s song, Trouble, is actually really catchy and seems to fit great with the “tone” of the show.
A girl is wearing a plush “OMG” around her neck. It’s like this segment was thought up by a group of old guys trying to figure out what teens are into: “they use a lot of acronyms, I think? And hashtag, internet-type stuff? But they also like bright colors and probably smiley faces? And hearts, and balloons?” Result: it looks like the runway version of an early-90s trapper keeper, with some social media stuff thrown in.
Snow Angels
Adriana Lima says “to have beauty, you need strength,” which I believe translates to “to keep my job, I have to have abs like a Ken Doll.” She does boxing, which is pretty cool.
Taylor Swift is singing Trouble, and I just noticed that she has spray-tanned legs too. Or, who knows, maybe suntan hosiery instead.
Victoria’s REAL secret.
T. Swift is making a lot of diva hands, and is being “fierce,” probably. Not fierce: the reverb sound effect.
College Molly Story : one time the neighbor girls told my housemates and I that we should come over for their once-a-week tradition of playing beer pong in their underwear. And we kind of just thought, wouldn’t that be more fun with pants on? I wonder if some of the Angels have that running through the back of their minds, too.
Did I just see Beyonce?
Does being a model mean people yelling “go go go go go GO” at you all the time? I hate being rushed.
That girl is still wearing her dish gloves (was it Lily Aldridge? I can’t remember now), and did I just see Karl Lagerfeld?
Curtain call. I’ve decided that Cara Delevingne is my favorite, IDEK. She seems fun, as does Karlie Kloss. But Behati’s name is so fun to say! And Jourdan Dunn held up her career so well after having a kid (but so did Arizona Muse, why isn’t she here?) See, that’s what this past hour of tv has done to me. I’ve gone from utter apathy to declaring Cara Delivigne my favorite.
Well, we’re two weeks into December which means holiday shopping is in full effect. I went to the mall this past weekend and there were already too many people there for my liking. In Old Navy, I swear there were like 75 people in line, and I immediately abandoned my items and left. Why can’t I just purchase clothes for myself without waiting for all these parents pretending to be Santa? UGH?
Anyways, every year there’s a hot new toy that parents are clawing over to get their kids. I remember when Tickle Me Elmo was THE hottest item and there was an extremely high demand (and not enough supply) for this vibrating plush toy. I mean people were legitimately injured. Really. It was like Dwight K. Schrute and Princess Unicorn all up in there.
Whatever the 2013 toy of the season may be, and I clearly don’t know because I’m out of the loop with kids these days, perhaps parents should go old school with a toy classic – Barbie.
I had a few Barbies back in the day, even the Barbie corvette – I was an only child. Sorry. I also owned this gem, the Filipino Barbie.
Although this photo is not of the one I owned, it most definitely looks like this because I wasn’t allowed to take it out of the box. What a horrible thing to do to a young girl – show her a fun Barbie and then tell her she can never play with it. Thanks parents.
I’m assuming most of you readers did not own this particular one, and if you did , let me know if you were able to take it out and play with it because I think I just dug up repressed feelings about my childhood and I need someone to talk to.
There are wayyy more themed Barbies that weren’t as popular as the regular blonde version, including a lot of pop culture inspired ones. Here are some Barbies that might be the perfect gift for someone you know this year – or maybe yourself.
Katniss Everdeen
I know the Girl on Fire’s braid is her signature style, but does it really have to be that big? It’s bigger than the loaves of bread Peeta threw at her in the rain back in the day.
Peeta Mellark
DAMNNN, AFRICA. Poor Josh Hutcherson. He doesn’t deserve this. #ThatForeheadTho.
Bond Girl a la Halle Berry
In which a perfect Barbie doll looks just like Halle Berry because she is practically a perfect woman.
Jacob Black from Twilight
I’ve never seen nor read any of the Twilight movies/books, and I never will. But the fact that Taylor Lautner’s doll is just him with jean shorts circa 1995 delights me to no end.
Bella and Edward from Twilight
The caption for this giftset on the site ends with, “The epic movie journey may be over, but the memories will never die!” Great. Also, they come complete with glittering skin. Why is this popular again?
Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra
The great Liz Taylor looks gorgeous even in doll form. How is that possible. If I ever put this get up on, I’d look like a pile of gold galleons at Gringotts.
Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
The Barbie designers must have a lot of faith (haha, faith. shut up) in their marriage. If they ever split up, will these dolls be available for individual purchase? Asking for a friend.
Farrah Fawcett
Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the allure of her 1976 poster the fact that a little nip was coming through her bathing suit? Sorry if that was crass, but really… Barbie as Farrah seems a little wrong?
Went with the Wind! The Carol Burnett Show Doll
Ok this is brilliant and I have no snarky commentary for it. I mean look at her face!
80s Cher
Bob Mackie, who designed the Carol Burnett curtain dress, also designed this iconic outfit. Which you know, is a perfect gift for kids.
Goldie Hawn
Again, is this appropriate for young girls? More importantly, will they even get who this is? Hopefully the only people snatching these up are the weird collector people who are like 60 years old an still buying Barbies.
Pink in PANTONE® Barbie
Barbie gets her own signature Pantone color… You’ve got to be CMYKidding ME!!
Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” Barbie
Alfred Hitchcock’s crowning achievement.
Elvis
Kids – you TOO can have a cross-dressing Elvis complete with Snooki hair!!
Mr. Spock
KEN AS SPOCK. KEN AS SPOCK. KEN AS SPOCK.
Elle Woods from Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
Shit you not, the description specifically states this Elle is NOT from the first Legally Blonde, but from the sequel. Don’t get it twisted guys. Completely different people.
Samantha from Bewitched
“Doll cannot fly.” Thanks for the clarification.
Mad Hatter
And just for shits and giggles… this CREEPY ASS version of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. WTF, BARBIE DESIGNERS?
It happened, y’all. Two of the most beloved characters in millennial TV history are getting married IRL!
If you haven’t heard yet, Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen (Bleth) are engaged!!!
Okay, so it’s actually Leighton Meester and Adam Brody. Two things came to my mind upon hearing this: 1) UGH now Seth and Summer will NEVER be together. 2) Blair and Seth. Weird.
It did not occur to me until a good minute later that these folks are not their fictional characters, because I am too engrossed in the lives of TV characters instead of my own real life. (It’s fine, I’m not the only one. The internet is stuck in the land of Newport & the Upper East Side too).
Anyways, while the idea of Queen B and lovable geek Seth getting together seems almost impossible that it could actually be true love, it got me thinking – what other characters from 90s/00s TV shows would actually be really compatible? Here are a few I came up with. Agree? Disagree? Want to add more to the list? Let us know!
To continue with the Gossip Girl/The OC crossover, I present to you Jenny Humphrey and Oliver Trask. Jenny was a good girl gone bad, while Oliver was just a nutjob gone cray cray. Put them together and you have a big ball of insanity, which is probably not condusive to you know, living a normal life, but at least they would be happy together?
When you think about it, these two could have actually gotten together. Lisa lived in the Pacific Palisades on Saved by the Bell while Carlton lived (with the Fresh Prince) in Bel-Air. It’s only like a “20 minute” commute, so it’s totes easy for Lisa to pick up Carlton and the two (read: just Lisa) can go shopping on his credit card. Not to mention, she would have a BFF in his sister Hillary.
I’m going to pretend that Ruthie is still 8 years old on 7th Heaven and Ben is 6 on Friends, because I can’t handle the fact that Grown up Ruthie is posing half naked in magazines and Ben has split into twins and one of them works in a restaurant. These two were both troublemakers at some point in their respective series so while Ben avoids hanging out with Sting’s son, he can just casually date/hold hands with Ruthie and everything will be okay.
Alright, before you leave a nasty comment, I realize that Jonathan Bower from Who’s the Boss was never actually gay on the show. It was the ’80s/90s, they couldn’t do that. On the other hand, Danny Pinaturo, the actor, actually is gay, so lets pretend new came out later in life and started dating Eric Van der Woodsen from Gossip Girl. Eric, since he grew up in the age where coming out isn’t as big of a deal as it used to be, has had his fair share of bfs, so he could teach Jonathan a little something about being ‘out’. In public.
Ah Gibbler. The annoying sometimes charming BFF/neighbor to the Tanner family on Full House. She’s the type of person that would only get on with someone that’s just as weird and freaky as her. Enter Neal Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks. If you’re not familiar (what’s wrong with you? Watch that shit now), Neal is part of the Geek section of Freaks and Geeks. He thinks he’s a ladies man but, let’s face it. He’s not. Except with Gibbler.
There’s an episode of Saved by the Bell called Cut Day (is it disgusting I didn’t even have to look that up?) where Jessie finds a love connection with Graham – a boy she’s NEVER met or seen before in this high school where we see the same students over and over again – after they bond over protesting the delivery of styrofoam cups to the cafeteria and chaining themselves to lockers. Meanwhile, over on Home Improvement, Randy Taylor was kind of the odd man out in the family, as he cared more about environmental and civil rights and even became a vegetarian, much to the chagrin of Tim the Toolman Taylor. JTT decided to leave the show to go to college IRL, so the writers shipped Randy off to Costa Rica with his girlfriend in an attempt to save the rainforest. Basically, these two belong together in Colorado living a crunchy granola vegan lifestyle or for Americorps in – where else – Costa Rica.
Kate Sanders was the bitchy, popular girl on Lizzie McGuire and Dick Casablancas, well Dick lived up to his first name. I realize that maybe there’s a slight age difference here, but theoretically, Kate and Dick would be a match made in heaven. And provide plenty of fodder for Veronica Mars’ flawless snark.
Lest we forget, Clueless was so popular that it spawned a TV show. Even though it only lasted for three seasons, Cher was still Cher and swimming in the middle of a bunch of Monets in Beverly Hills. Joey may have been a dumb jock on Blossom, but all he really needs is someone who is like him but smarter, and Cher can totally fit that role for him.
Okay, okay. These two aren’t lesbians. But bear with me for a second. Ren Stevens was a Type A overachiever on Even Stevens. Paris Geller was a Type A overachiever on Gilmore Girls. The ultimate power couple? And just think about it – these two could EASILY be lesbians. Like if one day they returned and it was revealed they’ve switched teams and gone all Piper Chapman over the past couple of years, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Honestly, I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before. Two teachers from beloved teen sitcoms, each providing life lessons for their students/adopted kids? Goood Morning, Mrs. Feeny.
I’m having a real Jessie Spano moment right now: I’m so excited, but I’m also so scared. Tonight, Carrie Underwood will be starring as Maria in The Sound of Music Live!, and like life itself, it has the potential to be either so wonderful or so very, very awful.
So, as we do with all televised events that hold the potential for disaster, we’ll be posting a Cookies + Sangria live blog! Come back tonight at 8:00 EST – it’ll be just like watching The Sound of Music with your friend who really loves cheesy musicals but also can’t help but make fun of things. We’ll see you then!
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We really like musicals, so if you do, too, you’re in a safe place. And if you don’t … well, let me tell you a little story. When I was a kid, and the Bills were in the Super Bowl (you can stop laughing… I’ll wait…) a neighbor brought his friend to our house – a friend who was rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. It wasn’t pretty. The whole thing culminated in my dad standing up and shouting “You’re in MY HOUSE and when you’re in MY HOUSE you do things MY WAY!” So, just be advised that you’re in our (blog) house, and it’s a house that likes a good Rodgers & Hammerstein. Also, that I come from a line of people who throw adult temper tantrums, apparently.
You can sing along! We can’t hear you, anyway. But extra points if you say the phrase “sound of music” in the style of Chandler Bing:
0:02 AUDRA. When we were discussing this on email, Traci mentioned how nervous she was that Carrie Underwood would slip up (because we love Carrie Underwood). Basically, we want Audra to take all of the parts – just, really Orphan Black it. In the alternative, Tatiana Maslany’s probably up to the task.
0:03 While we do looove musicals, listening to a bunch of nuns sing church songs wasn’t that (read: any) fun back in Catholic school, and it isn’t fun now. Let’s solve that problem like Maria already.
0:04 WOW. Anyone else really thrown off by Carrie Underwood singing in a musical theater voice? She doesn’t sound bad, it’s just kind of throaty. I just hope throaty doesn’t turn … Kermit-y. Hate when that happens.
0:06 Is Maria a postulate or a French maid? Because with this costume, I’m not so sure…
0:08: All of these “problems” with Maria would just be “adorkable” qualities in modern sitcoms. Manic Pixie Dream Postulate?
0:08: T: “Maria, Maria RRRrrrainer” oh my GOD, could you BE any more from Oklahoma?
0:09 Just so we’re clear, all of these nuns are straight-up describing girl crushes on Maria. It’s Carrie Underwood, so I understand, but I guess it just goes to show that some of those nun rumors were true?
0:11 Nope, the phrase “on my knees all night” never doesn’t sound dirty.
Also, Underwood’s stilted musical theater dialogue delivery reminds me of every bad musical I was ever in. And also kind of that Vanessa Bayer character:
The “Star of Tomorrow”? Anyone?
0:13 Carrie’s kind of bringing it with Favorite Things, though. But just when the blocking starts to feel really high school musical-y, Audra’s here to save the day.
0:18 Sorry for the pause but there was a lot of ACTING going on there. When I was a kid, and really into acting, I remember going to my sister’s high school plays and wondering why everyone said their LINES like THIS! Then I learned that they mostly couldn’t act. That’s what this production is sounding like so far.
However — this part of the movie was always really boring to me, too. I have high hopes and I bet Underwood will have great chemistry with the kids and with Stephen Moyer’s cheekbones.
Commercial Break: If you were wondering, here is Carrie Underwood as Maria von Trapp:
And HERE is Swiss Miss, of cocoa packaging fame:
It’s just not the same without Julie Andrews’ Dorothy Hammill haircut.
0:28 Let’s hear it for this soundstage! Or whatever they’re filming this on. I’m serious. It’s great now that they’re indoors. Those mountains and trees were a little depressing. It looked like that one Full House episode when they take a donkey up a mountain.
0:29 There were so many pauses in dialog that I thought someone had forgotten a line.
0:31 Freidrich is kind of adorable? The older girls are coiffed like those dead Romanov princesses:
Once upon a December…
0:35 This has always bothered me about Do-Re-Mi. What sort of dumb-dumb would think teaching a kid how to sing with nonsense syllables is really the best way? Brigitta knows what I’m talkin’ about.
0:37 I don’t care what that one bratty girl says, I think the shirtdress is really working for Underwood.
0:37 T: Carrie needs to practice running while singing more. Breath control is real, y’all.
0:38 Whoever was in charge of the outdoor backdrop clearly blew up the image that’s your great-aunt’s screensaver on her PC. Props to the lighting person, though. Maybe we should get him/her out there to do some acting.
0:39 I cannot with this cheery happy family they have in this ad. We’ve already talked about how the Duggars and Quiver-fillers are secretly creepy, remember.
0:43 Sometimes weird things that are just… not right make me want to throw up. I know it sounds odd, but for instance, there’s this one crosswalk where I get off of my bus, and pressing the button does NOTHING to make the light turn faster. There’s this one guy who presses it constantly, for minutes on end, til it turns. It makes me want to vomit. It’s like he’s trying so hard but is doing a terrible job.
Anyway. That’s how I feel about this outdoor set.
0:45 The way I get through Sixteen Going On Seventeen is pretending that the entire song is totally tongue-in-cheek from both characters’ perspectives.
0:46 Where the gazebo at though?
0:48 A teenaged boy wearing short-pants/hosen in a musical is only hot in Spring Awakening
0:49 DO IT ON THE HILL RIGHT THERE ON THE HILL
0:50 No just kidding nobody’s doing anything on the hill because (a) this isn’t Spring Awakening and (b) Liesl just sang an entire song disavowing her sexual agency
0:51 Why is Maria wearing Felicity Merriman’s nightclothes?
0:54 I think they’re about to launch into My Favorite Things and will somebody please explain me why that’s a Christmas song now? Is it because they say presents that ONE TIME? Because I also get presents at birthdays and graduations and stuff but nobody sings me My Favorite Things then.
0:56 Nope. Lonely Goatherd. Underwood is the least wooden I’ve seen her so far! She actually seems really natural here.
0:57 Ahh the little girl’s yodel-voice is the cutest! Gretl? Brigitta? Tiny, looks like Kirsten Larson? Not sorry for the American Girls Collection references.
Commercial Break: I should mention that Traci might be popping in, but she isn’t here tonight because, well first of all it’s 6pm where she is and she’s working, but also she’s seeing Jimmy Fallon tonight because she lives in LA where that can happen. I live in Rochester, where sometimes your car doesn’t start because it’s cold.
1:04 Stephen Moyer why do you always look like you have to poop really badly?
1:06 Anyone else fill in “damn hell ass kings!” anytime somebody says the phrase “live like a king?”
1:07 We’ve talked about bitchy resting face and how sometimes that is just how your face is, and I think that maybe is the thing with Moyer? See?
1:09 Millionaires with dreams make the WORST musical characters. Yeah, I see you, Daddy Warbucks.
1:13 Guys if I tried to wear a curtain dress I’d be wearing naked because I’m too broke for curtains right now.
1:15 Oh, Frau Schrader. You look like a straight-up fraulein with that sassy hair do.
1:16 I FIGURED IT OUT. Moyer is doing Joey Tribbiani’s patented “Smell the fart acting.”
1:24 See, I usually think they just do dance breaks like this in musical theatre when they’re changing the sets or an actor has a costume change. I don’t know why they’re doing it now.
1:26 There are so many whimsical braided hairdos in this movie that I feel like it was filmed inside of a hipster girl’s tumblr.
1:28 Do you think Maria’s friends are ever all “girl, do you have to wear a dirndl EVERY DAMN DAY!”?
1:31 Maria’s mad that she’s getting moved off of the kids’ table? Kids’ table is the best. I get it.
1:32 The little girl who’s not Brigitta or Gretl (…I’m blanking) is giving off some serious young Dakota Fanning vibes.
1:33 I love So Long, Farewell. If any of you have ever studied abroad, you’ve found two things: (1) that kids speaking foreign languages are ADORABLE, and (2) you know, yourself, probably.
1:35 Related sidenote: my 3-yr-old nephew says goodnight in a bunch of languages, but he always does guten nacht in an angry German scream-voice. It’s precious.
Commercial Break: Did Jewel get her teeth fixed? And isn’t it so weird when you see people outside of their usual context, like your high school teachers at the mall or Jewel in … not 1997?
1:40 T: Hey guys – Traci here! sorry I’ve been absent – I’m still at work and legit avoiding it right now to do this, so I mean, I’m a star employee. I don’t watch True Blood, but just knowing that he’s a vampire and now playing captain von Trapp is disturbing. wait, he’s a vampire right?(M: Clearly neither of us watches True Blood. Also I’ll add a T before Traci’s posts so you guys can like… picture this, or whatever)
1: 43 T: Fun Fact: I’ve seen Carrie in concert 4 times in concert and i cry every time. EVERY TIME. watching her sing Sound of Music is no different. She’s just that good, folks. She’s just that good.
Fun Fact #2: I played an Asian Sister Margaretta in my church’s production of SoM in like 2001 (honestly can’t remember what year it was). Playing an Asian Sister Margaretta is surprisingly the same as playing White Sister Margaretta. I imagine Audra had this same thought.
1:44 Oh Maria, to ask for the Captain’s heart would be wrong but you can totally come on to Liesl? Yeah, I saw. We all saw.
1:47 It’s like Audra’s face is acting double-time to make up for all of the other non-acting in this production
1:48 T: Also, it’s worth nothing that apparently NBC execs decide to cast former actors from their cancelled shows in live TV musicals. RIP Go On.
Commercial Break: T:
Christian Borle was totally channeling Tim Curry’s Rooster from Annie:
Commercial Break throwback commentary: T: AHH I forgot about how can love survive. It’s finally beginning to feel like a true musical with Christian and Laura. Although that sound you hear is a bunch of SoM movie fans switching the channel to the X Factor because they don’t recognize this song. JK… No one’s switching to X Factor.
1:53 T: Re the first Lonely Goatherd: Umm how comfy does that bed look right now? #things27yearoldsstillatworksaywhilewatchingsoundofmusiclive
1:56 So, I just IMDB’d the kids, and one of them is named Peyton Ella. That’s like, clearly a made-up name, right? It sounds like my/every professional adult’s name on Facebook, because you don’t want your boss to find you. Peyton Ella, you can use your last name. Your future bosses probably aren’t watching.
1:57 T: Per the SoM behind the scenes special I watched by accident last week, the girl who plays Liesl is a junior in college studying like art and some foreign language as a minor… Basically not theater. this is how you do it, kids.
M: “Accidentally?” Girl… okay.
1:59 T: I’ve always wondered why these folks have British accents despite the fact they live in Austria. Am I missing something here?
2:00 T: WAIT. Did Carrie just come back (forward?) from the 1960s? Like did she come in from the set of Catch Me if You Can??
M: As reader Christopher just noted, it looks like polyester.
Commercial Break: T: Also, It’s 7:00pm here, which is the time I usually watch #Scandal at work because I’m a freak and like to live tweet and also watch Parenthood at 10pm PST (because I’m insane).. ANYWAYS – I’’m skipping Scandal to watch Carrie’s bad acting/excellent singing. The struggle is real. M: I KNOW. Shit’s getting real this week. AND I’m manning Twitter. I’m doing this for you, Underwood.
2:06M: You know, if you lived in a world where you’d never seen Sound of Music, and therefore didn’t just accept it as normal, would it seem really really weird that everyone’s all “La la la, goatherds! Do Re Mi, Curtain Dresses!” AND THEN THE NAZIS COME?!
… and the fine folks behind Sound of Music are just all:
2:10 T: WERK LAURA BENANTI. WERK. She looks perfect!!!
2:11 M: There’s no reason to dislike Frau Schrader EXACTLY, but auf wiedersehen!
2:15 M: Now we’re setting up the mother Abbess and BRIGITTA?
2:16 T: For the record, Something Good is my favorite song from this show. I feel like it’s often overlooked and Carrie does a beautiful job with it. Julie would be proud.
2:16 M: Agreed! It’s so pretty and Carrie sounds great. But why does she look like Alice in Wonderland…? This wig is killing me.
2:17 T: WHOA. WHOA. WAS THERE TONGUE IN THAT KISS?? THIS IS TELEVISION THERE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TONGUE. I’M OFFENDED (unless there wasn’t tongue, in which case, kudos for making it look real and uncomfy)
2:19 M: This wedding dress looks like it was made either in a high school home ec class (or whatever fake-sounding thing they call home ec now), or in a 10-minute challenge on Project Runway where they had to use table cloths.
2:25 M: Oh no… when you hear “1938” and “new flag” within a minute, you know shit’s getting bad. By the way, that Nazi was wearing a red geometric-patterned tie that looked like my dad’s work clothes in the early 90s.
2:28 T: Huh. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Nazi on live TV. Refreshing? Nah.
2:29 T: I’m pretty sure Carrie just broke the 4th wall. This isn’t American Idol.
2:31: M: Oh God. “Love isn’t love until you give it away” sounds like a terrible abstinence-only education slogan. Or, like… maybe the opposite of that? Also, the real adventure begins when you belong to your husband? I’m clearly more of a millennial/ feminist/ curmudgeon than Rodgers & Hammerstein could have possibly envisioned in their audience…
I’m shocked too, Li. I’m shocked too.
2:37 M: SING THE NAZIS AWAY. Why didn’t the allied forces ever think of that?
2:38 T: Oh, so the Nazi stadium is where they’ve been hiding the live audience this entire time!!
2:43 M: Eidelweiss is reminding me that I once read this blog where these American parents were living in like Austria or Germany, and they had to petition the government to name their daughter Eidelweiss. So, I mean, I’m sure your daughter will really appreciate how you stuck it to the man so that you could name her Eidelweiss.
2:43 M: How much did NBC spend on this wig that’s making Underwood look like a live-action, adult version of the Sleeping Beauty cartoon?
2:43 M: Silly Nazis. The von Traps are halfway across the Alps by now. In their… you know… leiderhosen. I hope they brought warm clothes.
2:55 M: Yep, crouching down behind fountains is always the BEST WAY to hide from Nazis.
2:57 M: When I was in second grade, I thought it would be fun to be a nun because they got to live with all of their friends. Obviously I just wanted to live in a dorm eventually, and then die alone and unmarried. But anyway, the SoM nuns DO make it look kind of fun.
2:58 There are leaves on the trees and it’s snowing. Although… again, Rochester here. My hair freezes if I go outside at the wrong time.
2:59 The most animated I’ve seen everyone is in the rehearsal footage they showed over the credits. The heck?
3:00 Our friend Tori, via Facebook: “I love Carrie Underwood but that girl is just a single threat.”
Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for tuning in! I will say that as much as we snarked on it, I still do love a good musical. And, say what I will about her acting, Carrie Underwood has a great voice. And, I tended to forget that they were doing the WHOLE THING LIVE , which is impressive.
Will it replace the movie? No, never. But as a weeknight novelty watch, I had fun watching – and blogging. Hope you all liked reading along, too!
Cookies + Sangria 