TV Dads That Will Make You Grateful For Your Real Dad

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday, and it’s a time to celebrate and recognize all the dedication and love our fathers give to us as their children throughout the year and every year. But we all know that sometimes it isn’t rainbows and butterflies with our parents. Not everyone can be as wise and profound as the Coach Taylors and Zeek/Adam Bravermans of the world. Parents all have their moments. And on television, those moments can be dramatized to the max degree. As you shower your dad with all the food and love this weekend, just remember that it could always be worse. Your dad could be like any one of these fictional fathers, so just be grateful this Sunday that your dad doesn’t sell meth or openly cheating on your mom with multiple women.

Walter White

{Breaking Bad}

I mean, if you watched any of Breaking Bad, I don’t really have to explain why he’s on this list, do I? He started as a high school chemistry teacher with lung cancer and in the most poetic, Greek tragedy way possible, he turned into the baddest man in all of New Mexico, and possibly the world. While he claimed to be making and selling drugs to help his family, in the end he was only helping himself, and even practically kidnapped his daughter towards the end of the series. You can’t even call that bad parenting because it isn’t even parenting.

President Fitzgerald Grant

{Scandal}

It’s clear Fitz loves his kids and would do anything to help them if they’re in trouble, but when you’re the president of the United States, and you send your kids to boarding school, have a baby with the wife you don’t really like just to keep up appearances AND have an extramarital affair that said wife knows about, you have a few more cons than the pro side on the list.

George Bluth, Sr. and Oscar Bluth

{Arrested Development}

Well, here you have George Bluth, Sr., a man incarcerated for fraud and who also built houses for Saddam Hussein. He doesn’t seem to really care about his kids and is willing to put them at risk for his own benefit (this is a comedy). And then you have his twin brother Oscar, who is the real dad to Buster, who knows this and doesn’t really give af. What do you expect from this family, though?

Lou Smith

{Fresh Prince of Bel-Air}

If you ever want a good cry, watch this clip. Will was so much better for moving out to Bel-Air, and it makes my heart cry fictional tears knowing the real Uncle Phil/James Avery has passed away 😦

Christopher Hayden

{Gilmore Girls}

Ok, in his defense, he did become a better father throughout the series. However in the beginning, he was just some guy in a motorcycle who couldn’t hold a job and left Lorelai to take care of Rory on her own. Again, they were 16, so I guess he has *sort of* an excuse, but not really. Luckily, Christopher made up for it in the later years, but he was still douchey in the beginning. #LukeAndLorelaiForever

Joe McCoy

{Friday Night Lights}

Photo Jun 18, 11 30 38 PMSometimes, when I rewatch season three of FNL, I fast forward through the JD/Joe McCoy parts because he’s just that annoying. Joe is the father to star quarterback and new Dillon Panthers player JD, and Joe is like a stage/dance mom but in the football field. He’s overprotective, overbearing, and a downright asshole. He put a lot of pressure on JD to do well on the team, and doesn’t even allow him to drink soda or eat candy or watch TV because it will make him distracted from football. Also, no girls – which was proven in the ep where Joe gets mad JD’s dating a girl, and he ends up physically hurting him and the American treasures the Taylors have to call child protective services. He’s a delight.

Mike Potter

{Dawson’s Creek}

Joey’s dad not only cheated on her mom/his wife before she died, he also got caught for selling drugs, which is why he is in jail. He gets released at the end of season one, but then starts dealing drugs again and Joey is the one who turns him in, because that’s what daughter’s do. He’s in jail for a majority of the rest of the season, until Joey goes to talk to him and finds out he got released but didn’t tell anyone. Not even his daughters.

Bart Bass

{Gossip Girl}

Honestly, so much shit went down on Gossip Girl that I hardly remember what happened. I don’t think I even knew what was happening when the show was on the air. I do remember that Bart was always an asshole, especially to his son Chuck, who he lied to about being dead, took back Bass Industries from him and tried to maybe kill him? IDK, he just looks skeezy, ya know?

Thatcher Grey

{Grey’s Anatomy}

So Meredith Grey hasn’t had a life that’s been ideal. Her aesthetic is more dark and twisted. A lot of that has to do with her parents. First her mom, the revered surgeon Dr. Ellis Grey, had an affair with Dr. Richard Webber and they had a secret daughter no one knew about, and after they broke up, Ellis attempted suicide and a young Meredith watched it all happen. Then she got Alzheimer’s and on top of all this, Ellis was overbearing and thought Meredith was “ordinary”. Enter Thatcher, who left when Mer was five years old, and didn’t even attempt to contact her for 20 years. He remarried and had two daughters, including Lexie, who would later work at Seattle Grace/Mercy West/Grey Sloan Memorial. He’s also an alcoholic, and a few seasons in, he comes to the hospital in hopes of getting a liver transplant. He returned to the hospital when his wife had weird symptoms, which turned out to be a weird fatal thing and got mad at Mer and blamed her for her death (see scene above).

Don Draper

{Mad Men}

It’s barely been a month and I still miss Don. He’s like Fitz, where I know he’s doing morally wrong things, but I can’t help but sympathize and like him. Don didn’t have a father or mother figure of his own growing up as the illegitimate son of a prostitute. He barely had a family, and as a result, didn’t know what to do when he actually had one. The only kid he’s even close to at all is Sally, and that wasn’t until later on in the series. Not to mention he slept with her teacher and then left his door open for Sally to see him having sex with his neighbor. Plus Baby Gene was born out of sloppy sex on the floor of Betty’s parents’ home. Bobby was basically irrelevant based on the actor turnover alone. Don especially seemed to neglect his kids after his split with Betty, and as much as he tried, it seemed like he was just going through the motions of being a father rather than really trying to be a good one.

 

Tres Por Tres and Other TV Shows Lost in Translation

I was recently having a conversation about Full House, as you do, and my one friend, who is originally from Colombia, mentioned that when she watched it back home, Full House was called Tres Por Tres. Translated, this means Three by (for) Three, which quite literally is the premise of the show – three daughters and three men raising them. We obviously proceeded to look up YouTube clips and found out that in the opening credits, there’s a woman introducing each actor. Is this necessary? Probably not, but it’s entertaining.

And then she remembered that while everyone else’s name is the same (and Kimmy is ‘Kyyymmeee’), DJ is “Dejota” and we simply could not get over this. In fact we made it into a hashtag because Deej’s name en Español is so fun to say. You can hear Kyyymmeee say her name quickly at 1:55 in the clip below:

Either I’m fluent in Spanish or I understood all that because I’ve seen that episode so many times it’s almost embarrassing (a combo of both). Of course Full House isn’t the only show called something completely different in another language. Here are a few other programs that aren’t exactly what you’d expect they’d be titled around the world.

Arrested Development

Sweden: Firma Ruffel & Bygg  = Company Monkey Business & Construction

To be fair, “Company” and “Construction” are probably giving too much credit to The Bluth Company.

Six Feet Under

Russia: Клиент всегда мертв = The Customer Is Always Dead

It’s actually the customer’s family member that’s always dead, but vodka/vodka, right, Russia?

Breaking Bad

Bulgaria: В обувките на Сатаната = In The Shoes Of Satan

Creepily accurate.

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Brazil: Um Maluco no Pedaço = A Crazy in the Area

Fortunately, the Crazy in the area turned into the permanent crazy in the neighborhood.

Murder, She Wrote

Germany: Mord ist ihr Hobby = Murder Is Her Hobby

I’ve actually never seen an episode of Murder, She Wrote, so is this title right, or not? What am I missing here???

Two and A Half Men

Germany: Mein cooler Onkel Charlie = My Cool Uncle Charlie

The Germans probably weren’t expecting Charlie Sheen to go all Tiger Blood and die (twice) *spoiler alert?? ugh who cares* when they chose that title.

Pretty Little Liars

Finland: Valehtelevat viettelijät = False Seducer

DOES FINLAND KNOW SOMETHING WE DON’T KNOW?? IS -A FINNISH?? IS ARIA -A BECAUSE SHE USED TO LIVE IN ICELAND AND THAT KINDA NEAR FINLAND?? THEORIZE, LIARS!

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Poland: Tajemnica Amy = Mystery Amy

Is Poland doing an ABC Family crossover with PLL? What’s the mystery with a girl who got knocked up at 15?

Gilmore Girls

Poland: Kochane klopoty = Dear Trouble

I know Gilmore Girls backwards and forwards and I still don’t understand why it’s translated into “Dear Trouble”.

30 Rock

Brazil: Um Maluco na TV = A Crazy on TV

Just ONE crazy on TV? There’s too many to choose from.

Beverly Hills, 90210

Brazil:  Barrados no Baile = Barred From the Dance

Again, I’ve never seen a full episode of Bev Hills, but I’m assuming like many teen dramas, there are a fair share of dances, and I’m under the impression these kids were cool enough to at least attend one spring fling.

How I Met Your Mother

Finland: Ensisilmäyksellä = At First Glance

OKAY but Finland is up to something here. Based on what happened in the finale, did Finnish Craig Thomas and Carter Bays purposely title it At First Glance as a call back to the pilot when Ted first puts his eyes on Robin?? Because At First Glance is wayyyy less misleading of a title than How I Met Your Mother.

Scrubs

French: Toubib or not toubib = Doctor or Not Doctor

The answer is: ‘Barely’.

Everybody Loves Raymond

Israel: Mishpacah Lo Bochrim (משפחה לא בוחרים) = You Can’t Choose Your Family

While the Israelis have a good grasp of the concept, Everybody Loves Raymond executive producer Philip Rosenthal took his efforts to Russia in hopes of creating a version of the show in Russia called Voroniny, a play off the family name. He documented his journey in a documentary called Exporting Raymond, which is a great watch if you’re into this stuff and have read this far.

Married… With Children

Estonia: Tuvikesed = Pigeons

Estonia thinks they’re pigeons, and Hungarians call them “A Terribly Nice Family”… which one is the real show??

WHATAREYOUDOINGHERE: Unexpected Guest Stars of Arrested Development

If you’re an Arrested Development fan, chances are you’ve already seen the new season in its entirety. And although creator Mitch Hurwitz warned AD fans to try to calm their excitement and spread out the viewings, it’ll be difficult to not watch all 15 episodes after waiting for seven years. Not to mention, this reincarnation of the series will bring the likes of Kristen Wiig, Seth Rogen, John Krasinski, Conan O’Brien, Ben Schwartz, John Slattery, and more to the Bluth family. So to help you heed Mitch Hurwitz’s request, take a break from your binge watching and get a refresher on some of the stars who you may have forgotten (or never even knew) appeared on this iconic show.

Amy Poehler

Well, this is kind of a no-brainer, since Queen Amy appeared in 5 eps as Gob’s wife (ugh, RIP Will/Amy), who Gob kept forgetting he was even married to. So much so she didn’t even have a name.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Playing one of my personal favorite AD characters, Julia played Maggie Lizer, a ‘blind’ attorney who was also Michael’s on and off girlfriend. This scene where Tobias sneaks into her house trying to be stealth but the fact she is fully aware he is there is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.

Zach Braff

The Scrubs/Kickstarter star played Phillip Litt, a man who showed that Tobias was not alone in his Never Nude world.

Charlize Theron

The Oscar winner played Rita Leeds who was briefly engaged to Michael, and although she may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, she was wealthy – as the heiress to Wee Britain.

Jane Lynch

Long before she terrorized kids at McKinley High School, Jane played Cyndi Lightballoon who was an undercover agent investigating Pop Pop. Except she eventually falls in love with him. It happens to the best of us.

Armie Hammer

In a career-defining role, the Winklevoss twin(s) played ‘student number 2’ in one episode – he calls George Michael ‘star dork’.

Jack McBrayer

Kenneth the Page was still tending to people’s needs (and encountering Devon Banks) before helping Tracy at TGS – he played a waiter at the local country club in two episodes.

Ed Begley Jr.

Ok, but Ed Begley Jr. LITERALLY is in everything. He shows up in almsot every movie or TV show I watch (Office finale, much?), and it’s even a running joke with my friend Suzanne because she sees him everywhere in LA. So naturally, his off Stan Sitwell character has to be on this list.

Ed Helms

Speaking of The Office, rit-it-it-itdoo, the Nard Dog played realtor James in “The One Where Michael Leaves” episode, whom Lindsay thought was hitting on her. And maybe a minor spoiler alert? He’ll be back in the new season too.

Phyllis Smith

Before Phyllis was a saleswoman at Dunder-Mifflin, she was a board member at the Bluth Company. Incidentally, just weeks after this episode (The Immaculate Election) aired, she made her debut on The Office.

Craig Robinson

Dink and flicka. Tobias has an audition at Tantamount Studios, and Craig Robinson is there to guard the gate. Except he probs should’ve been keeping an eye on Maeby instead.