Nobody does a themed party like American college kids — except, that is, for Europeans parodying American college kids. Somehow I’d never heard of these star-spangled fetes until Buzzfeed featured them last week, but they’re pretty darn awesome:
They’re not just using solo cups, they ARE the solo cups:
For some reason, there are always buckets of popcorn, although I’ve only ever seen those at a movie theater:
And marshmallows on toothpicks because… actually, I have no idea here. Maybe they’ve heard of s’mores and are just getting the “marshmallow on a stick” interpretation a little wrong:
Finally, this bash from Poland is by far the best of all. Gold star, Poland. This is brilliant:
So, you want to throw an American-themed party yourself? We can help! Whether you’ve never stepped foot in “the colonies” or whether you’ve lived here your whole life (which adds a whole other layer of hilarity to the proceedings), we have some tips:
When people think American party, they think red plastic cups – typically called “Solo cups” stateside, after the most popular brand. There’s actually a reason for this: tv shows and movies avoid showing teens consuming alcohol, and even for adult parties, filmmakers may not want to show specific brands. Boom. Plastic cups – there could be anything in there! It doesn’t even have to be alcohol! (But it’s alcohol.)
In real life, these cups are pretty ubiquitous. There is an American country ode to the Red Solo Cup, so they’re as much a cultural institution as pickup trucks and barbeques. However, the cups also come in blue and yellow, so feel free to branch out a bit. If you have a keg or mixed drinks, you aren’t going to pour the bevs into a proper glass, at least not at a raging party where you’re going to drop it. But there’s an even more important reason that we all used these plastic cups in college….
Drinking games. They have them everywhere, but some of them are as American as Uncle Sam eating a rocket pop on the Fourth of July. Play these responsibly – for liability purposes I should advise you to use water, juice, soda, or iced tea for these games. And plenty of them require solo cups:
- Flip cup: Form two teams. The teams make lines facing each other. Everyone has an equal, small amount of “beverage” in their plastic cups. The first person in each line consumes the bev, places their cup upside down at the edge of the table, then must tip the cup up from the rim, flipping it over. The next person in line can’t go until the person before them has successfully flipped their cup, with it landing squarely back on its rim. First team to finish wins.
- Knockout flip cup: same as above, but the losing team must vote to eliminate a member. (THOSE WHO FALL BEHIND GET LEFT BEHIND. AMERICA. RUGGED INDIVIDUALISM. CAPITALISM. AYN RAND. Et cetera.) The teams then face off again, and the losing team of that round eliminates a member as well. You keep going until one of the teams – the loser – has no members left.
- Beer Pong: I’m not going to explain this. Just watch an American college movie. As with all of these games, this is played internationally as well, but your exposure to it will depend on where you live.
- Civil War: Like beer pong, but with three 10-cup triangles across on each side, three balls in play, and three players on each team. Any person with a ball can shoot at any time, except when there is a ball in a cup in the triangle in front of you – then you must drink the offending …. soda, or whatever … first. A person is “out” when all of the cups in front of them are gone. The first team to have all of their cups eliminated loses. If a ball falls alongside the table, the players can run for it and, if need be, fight for it. It gets hairy. [I went to college in New York, so I wonder if Southern college kids play this, but call it Beer Pong of Northern Aggression.]
There are also games that don’t require red plastic cups – instructions available online:
- Never Have I Ever
Okay, we don’t really wear name tags at parties in the U.S., but why not have name tags and let everyone pick an “American” name? If you are in your 20s or 30s, I suggest these common monickers:
- Ladies: Jessica, Ashley, Katie, Sarah, Stephanie, Jenny, Nicole, Danielle, Melissa, Megan
- Gentlemen: Jason, Matt, Mike, Nick, Chris, Dave, Dan, Ryan, Andrew, Jim
You can also pick names of patriotic figures from American history and culture of yesteryear:
- Ladies: Betsy Ross, Martha Washington, Annie Oakley, Laura Ingalls, sorry we don’t have more ladies but we didn’t let them do stuff for those first few centuries, really.
- Gentlemen: Uncle Sam, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Johnny Appleseed, Paul Bunyan, Paul Revere, Davy Crockett
Patriotic Recitation Contests or Mad Libs
There are some American songs and speeches that are known world-wide. You could have a contest to see who can come the closest to singing or reciting the correct words to the following. I guarantee that people’s misheard lyrics and wrong guesses will be hilarious:
- The Star-Spangled Banner
- God Bless America
- The Pledge of Allegiance
- The Gettysburg Address
- America The Beautiful
- America (also known as My Country ‘Tis Of Thee, this song cribs the melody of God Save The Queen. When I was trying to figure out what song was called “America”, my brain went to “A-mer-i-ca, my home and native land.” That was wrong. That is Canada’s national anthem, with the word America stuck in front. Sorry, Canada. Sorry, America.)
Or, you could try these super-American children’s and folk songs:
- Yankee Doodle
- Take Me Out To The Ballgame
- I’ve Been Working On The Railroad
- Oh My Darling Clementine
- Skip To My Lou
- Oh, Susannah
- She’ll Be Coming ‘Round The Mountain
- Polly Wolly Doodle
Yes, those are all real songs.
You could also do “mad libs.” Print out a sheet with the lyrics to these songs, but with blanks in the place of some of the words. Then see what people come up with. The funniest entry wins.
Here’s your big chance to find out why we Americans are so fat. We don’t actually eat most of these things at parties … but isn’t that exactly what you’d expect an American to say because we’re sensitive about being so fat? Here are some treats that just scream “USA! USA!”:
- Hot dogs (or miniature hot dogs)
- Potato Chips
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Peanut Butter (any American who’s lived abroad and tried to get their hands on peanut butter knows how hard this can be to find! You could make small, party-sized PB&J sandwiches. The PB is peanut butter, and the J is jelly, by which we mean jam. The seedless grape variety is both the most traditional and, in my eyes, the most disgusting.)
- Oreos and Milk
- Rocket Pops (red, white and blue Popsicles. It’s not that we eat them often, but they always remind me of summer and Independence Day.)
- Apple Pie (I don’t even like Apple Pie, and Americans eat far less apple pie than the phrase “American as apple pie” would suggest, but I’d be remiss to leave it off the list.)
- Boxed Macaroni & Cheese
- S’mores, if you have some sort of fire situation handy. You can make them in the microwave, but it’s not the same.
I think we should all give a big round of applause to our pals in Poland for their selection, Pocahontas. Truly inspired. Here are some other red, white, and blue gems to play in the background of your party:
- Baseball Movies: A League Of Their Own, Field Of Dreams, The Sandlot, Bull Durham, Bad News Bears, Angels In The Outfield
- Iconic American Childhood films: Stand By Me, Now And Then, Little Women, Mrs. Doubtfire, The Little Rascals, Matilda (YES. YES, WE KNOW. But the movie was set in the ol’ U.S. of A.), My Girl, The Parent Trap (because maybe you’d feel more comfortable if half of the action is in London), Space Jam, Home Alone
- Teen Fare: Grease, Clueless, Mean Girls, The Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 10 Things I Hate About You
- Patriotic Stuff With Wars In It: The Patriot, 1776, Gettysburg, Glory, Gone With The Wind, Saving Private Ryan, Flags Of Our Fathers
- The Most American Movie of all: Forrest Gump, obviously. Or basically anything with Tom Hanks in it. Tom Hanks freakin’ loves America.
- Tom Cruise movies: Top Gun, Mission: Impossible, Jerry Maguire, Risky Business
- Will Smith movies: Men In Black, Independence Day
- Westerns: The only person I know who watches Westerns in earnest is my dad, so I’m afraid I can’t help you there. He’d probably recommend stuff with John Wayne in it.
If it’s supposed to be like an American college party, you can try to get your hands on these cold, brewed fonts of liquid disappointment:
- Keystone Lite
- Milwaukee’s Best – The beer so bad that you’re like “Milwaukee. What the heck are you doing?” And the name of the beer, itself, responds “Ugh… My best.” Milwaukee is just doing its best, guys.
- Busch Light
- Natty Ice – I think the full name is Natural Ice but I don’t even know.
- Pabst Blue Ribbon
Or, you could try these non-alcoholic American favorites:
- Lemonade (it’s different from European lemonade!)
- Iced tea
- Sweet tea
- Actual tea, but made incorrectly, according to everyone in the UK.
- Soda (BECAUSE WE’RE FAT. We understand.)
You could also look up American mixed drink recipes, of course.
Okay, a lot of you are onto it, in a stereotypical way anyway: plaid, jerseys, baseball caps. But let’s get a little more particular:
- The American Hipster: Facial hair (for men), bangs (for women), skinny jeans, an undersized plaid shirt, Converse
- The Super-Fan: T-shirt, sweatshirt, and hat for various professional or college sports teams
- The South-Western Classic: Plaid shirt, jeans, cowboy boots, cowboy hat. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone wear this in real life. Maybe at a country concert?
- The Duggar: A long denim skirt or jumper, very buttoned-up top, clunky ugly shoes, permed hair.
- The Person Of Wal-Mart: Pajama pants as pants, a large t-shirt featuring a cartoon character (ideally Tweety or Betty Boop) saying something “sassy”, or emblazoned with some other sort of “sassy” saying that’s not all-the-way funny, like “My Boyfriend’s Out of Town!” and then a picture of a kitten, sneakers.
- The American Tourist: a camera, a fanny pack (yes, we know about that also), oversized sneakers
- The Face of Yesteryear: Dress like a pilgrim, or an old-timey pioneer
- The Jingoist: Wear a lot of red, white, and blue. Like, a whole lot.
Well, Red, White and Blue, obviously. Because America. But you could make the decor into a game, too!
- Print out pictures of the American presidents, number them, and tape them to the walls. Each person has a sheet of paper and they write the name of the president that corresponds with each numbered picture. The person with the most correct wins.
- Same as above, but print out pictures of different American figures, landmarks, and items. For example, things like sports team logos, professional actors, the Statue of Liberty, covered wagons, the St. Louis Arch, Lucille Ball … Google is your friend, here.
- Print multiple large non-labelled maps of the United States – or one very big map. Provide markers. Let guests label the different states or regions of the U.S. as best they can. Evidence shows that this will be very funny:
MIDDLESHIRE. GUNS. Europe’s got jokes. Honestly just go look at all of these.
You can make Americans label maps of other lands. They won’t be good at it. For instance, Just last week my nephew and I were looking at a map of Canada, and he asked me where New Mexico was. I said “Charley, New Mexico’s part of the United States.”
“Yeah,” the kid deadpanned, “But so’s Canada.”
American Party Archetypes
The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With At A Party – Cecily Strong. Look up the vids, non-Americans!
Most American college parties have the following people present. Please do try to invite them:
- One drunk girl who is crying, accompanied by one friend who is trying to find out what the problem is.
- Another friend of those girls who is saying something like “enough of this drama, I just want to dance.”
- A guy who corners you with his “wit” and “sense of humor,” which actually means that he is quoting lines from comedy films of the past 10 years.
- The couple who only talks to each other so why did they even bother leaving their house.
- A person who is looking at or typing into their phone the entire time, even when speaking with you.
- The person who takes unflattering photos of everyone and threatens to post them on social media.
We already made a playlist of Fourth of July tunes, but there are some genres to consider:
- Country. Of course. Just be aware that back in the Myspace days, when people used to write what genre of music they were interested in, about 50% of people simply wrote “anything but country” – so it’s not a clear-cut American favorite.
- Rap. Yes, we know that other countries have rappers. It’s very cute.
- Old-school 60s Doo-Wop and Motown.
- Modern indie-folk-country.
- American icons: James Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, etc.
- Jazz. Not your typical party music, but it started here first.
Have a great American-themed party! If it goes well – or very, very poorly – send us a link to the pictures. AMERICA FOREVER.