St. Patrick’s Day Hangover Cures for Adults

Unpopular American opinion: I could care less about St. Patrick’s Day.

In fact, I was never really into St. Patrick’s Day. In elementary school, I suppose it was an excuse to wear green and possibly get those ~~gold~~ chocolate coins that Leprechauns give out (is that how it works?) As a college student, I was into it in the sense that I liked hanging out with my friends and avoiding all work as much as possible. It was also a big deal in Boston, as one can expect, so I got into the spirit of things, but I was never really a hardcore celebrator. It doesn’t help that I’m not that big of a drinker either.

Now, well now I’m 28. Nothing has really changed. Except for the fact that I’m older. And if you’re reading this blog, chances are you’re older too. Well, in the sense that you’re older than you were last year. And as adults, drinking and going out has changed since the days of college (hopefully). It’s not as easy to rally after a big night of drinking for class the next day. Now you have to actually rally or else you will get fired for not doing your job at work.

But, in the spirit of trying to keep our youth alive while still attempting to have fun, here are some helpful tips to get you through today (and any forthcoming holiday or big night out where your age prohibits you from being as much of a party animal as you used to be).

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Ladies, we all know makeup can transform us from monsters in the morning to Angelina Jolie-like creatures after just a few applications of moisturizer, foundation, powder, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, blush, lip gloss, and you’re good to go. Except now that you’re out of college, you probably have invested in legit/quality makeup so the results are most likely better than they used to be back in the day. Men, unless you already have a regular makeup regimen, you’re on your own. If you can’t feel good, you might as well look good.

Eat Breakfast

I’m assuming if you decided to stay up on a Monday night to drink your cares away instead of staying in to watch the third to last episode of How I Met Your Mother, the chances of you getting up early in the morning to make yourself a hearty breakfast are slim to none. But, in the event your body is just accustomed to getting up for your 9am work schedule, make sure you don’t skip out on bfast today. Make it, buy it, whatever. Just give your old, haggard body some sustenance. But just make sure it’s not that shit you used to eat on a dollar budget back in the day. You have money now. Well, a bit more than before. Invest in some real food.

Water: Does a Body Good

If you don’t know by now that you should hydrate as much as possible when you’re drunk/hangover, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m surprised you made it this far, frankly. But like any hangover when you’re old or young, water is essential. Just take your Nalgene to the water cooler and fill the puppy up. Perhaps make a friend while at the water cooler. Do people have water cooler talk anymore? If you’re not ‘into’ water, take the Gatorade/electrolyte drink route to replace all the salt and potassium you lost while dehydrated.

Take a Long Lunch

And by ‘long lunch’ I mean go in your car and take a nap. Or find a secret spot in your office to take a nap. Just go take a nap.

Avoid Extemporaneous Chit Chat

Here’s your chance to blow off small talk with your annoying co-workers. Without making it seem like you actually have a hangover, just give the impression you are too busy to stop and talk or something. You’re still technically impaired when hungover, not as bad as being drunk, but you’re not fully 100% functional until the hangover is gone. Basically you don’t want to make any big decisions or say something you don’t mean during this time. I say it’s the best excuse to not talk to people. Take it while you can.

Go To Sleep Early

That whole your body needs 8 hours of sleep thing isn’t a myth, y’all. It’s real life. And it’s even more important when you’re drunk/hangover. Your body needs to recover, especially since it’s not as young as it used to be. Basically, just take this entire experience as a wakeup call.