What to Expect at the Academy Awards

There’s a joke that there are two seasons in Los Angeles: Pilot and Awards. And the past three months have been a constant fete for Hollywood’s biggest stars with everything from the Golden Globe Awards, to the Critics Choice Awards (and every city’s critics choice awards), to the Makeup and Hairstylists Guild Awards and it all culminates this Sunday with the big kahuna – the Academy Awards.

Preparations are already well underway for the big day, and I know this because I pass through the intersection of Hollywood and Highland to get to work and the traffic has already been building up since last week. I’m not complaining (but I am). Here’s a photo I took while impatiently waiting at the red light. At least Ellen’s face was looking down at me. That white tent at the bottom is the beginning of the red carpet, which is pretty cool. I swear I’m not jaded about living in LA.

Photo Feb 25, 11 47 09 PM

So while the organizers are getting ready on the ground, we can get ready  ourselves for the night by prepping via the internet, as you do. Here are some things to look out for come Sunday during the like, 10 hours of programming that will be on your television all day.

Jennifer Lawrence looking like a flawless human being

jlaw cf prem

One thing I can always count on when talking about Jennifer Lawrence is that 99% of the time someone says they want to be her best friend. We all know how much you want to be J Law’s BFF. We ALLLLL want to be J Law’s BFF. But another thing I can always count on is Jennifer’s impeccable style, namely her red carpet looks. And we have Dior to thank for that. She’s been the face of the French fashion house for years, and just a few days ago, they released these new ads with Jen looking stunning as always. So what will she wear this year? Hopefully something easy to walk in…

I have the printed out and at my desk at work…

Lupita Nyong’o looking like a flawless human being

The one person who has a chance to keep Jennifer in her seat Sunday night is this ethereal human being. In case you didn’t know, Lupita is the breakout star from 12 Years a Slave (can you believe this is the first movie she’s EVER made?!). And throughout awards season, she’s proven that she belongs on the Hollywood A-list. I mean when she showed up to the Golden Globes in that Ralph Lauren red cape ensemble … CAN YOU EVEN? I mean we couldn’t, because both Molly and I named her our fave Best Dressed this year. She is the one person I am most looking forward to seeing come out of the limo and onto the red carpet on Sunday. And not to mention, she’s in the running to becoming the world’s most wanted BFF in 2014. I’m just saying J Law is probs gonna take a long vacay and we need someone to fill in…

Ellen Getting Away With Jokes About Celebrities

Ellen is back for her second time hosting, y’all! And it’s quite a contrast to last year’s host. Yeah, I’ll let you think about that for a second, because who remembers who hosted the Oscars last year? No? Nothing? It was this guy:

The thing about Ellen that very few celebrities have is overall likability. Neil Patrick Harris has it. Meryl Streep has it. Tom Hanks has it. These are all people that are more likely to elicit an ‘I LOVE them’ than an ‘UGH. The WORST’ from the general public. It also helps that Ellen has a daytime TV show that people love being on and have an overall positive reaction to. The A-listers sitting in the audience have all been on her show so they already have a good rapport with her. Aka, she can get away with a lot more than someone like Seth MacFarlane ever could. Case in point, the last time she hosted in 2007, she vacuumed the carpet underneath Queen Meryl‘s feet. And made Steven Spielberg take a pic of her and Clint Eastwood for MYSPACE. No one thought this was weird. Seven years later, I’m assuming she’s more comfortable in front of an audience like the one at the Oscars, so it’s going to be even bigger and better.

Dancing. A lot of Dancing.

When you think Ellen DeGeneres, a few things may come to mind: funny, talk show, lesbian, dancing. The woman dances every day on her show, so obviously she’s going to do it for the Oscars, right? I mean she already teased it in the trailer, so one can only hope she shows off her skills during the main show. Or at least has people do it for her. In this trailer, there are a number of So You Think You Can Dance alumni, so I’m hoping there will be a bunch on stage too. Also, I’m a loyal SYTYCD fan, so if they are there on Sunday, expect me to fangirl over them during the live blog.

Mini-Grammys/Tonys

Like most years, the Best Original Song nominees all take the stage to perform their nominated songs. This year is no different. All four nominees, U2 (Mandela: A Long Walk to Freedom), Pharrell (Despicable Me 2), Karen O (Her) and Idina Menzel (Frozen) will be on hand to sing their respective songs, but I feel like it’s just more star-studded this year than usual. Plus Bette Middler AND Pink are performing, so expect some kind of aerial/scarf hanging down from ceiling type situation. Pink, not Bette. Although that would be amahzing. My guess is they’ll help out with the In Memoriam?

The Height of the McConaissance

Alright Alright Alright (expect him to say that and for everyone else to say it too). Matthew McConaughey has spent the past few years picking roles that isn’t just the lead that leans. He’s been ‘shedding’ his image from being a rom-com hero to a serious actor, and that’s how we got to Dallas Buyers Club. Folks have been calling this second phase of his life the ‘McConaissance’ and since he’s been winning almost all the awards he’s been up for as the HIV positive drug pusher,  all signs point to Oscar on Sunday – hence the apex of his reinvention. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

It could be Leo’s year and these memes will be irrelevant

Hey, remember all these memes about Leo not winning an Oscar all these years:

His role in The Wolf of Wall Street has been garnering juuusttt enough critical acclaim and awards this season that his odds to win a golden guy are better than ever. But let’s not jinx it. All I’ll say is if he DOES win, he better retroactively thank Kate Winslet in Titanic and announce his undying love for her.

Gravity vs. 12 Years a Slave

12 Years a Slave Gravity no edit

It’s a showdown between Sandra Bullock floating in space for two hours and the guy from Love Actually escaping from slavery all because Taran Killam duped him. Each movie has 10 nominations, including Best Picture. If we’re looking at the statistics (which we are because I’m a nerd and love stats), Gravity has won 130 out of the 229 noms it has received this awards season, while 12 Years a Slave has pretty much double that with 208 wins and  409 nominations. A couple weeks ago, the BAFTAs (the British Oscars) named Gravity the Best British Film while 12 Years won Best Film. The thing to note about this is that for the past 5 years, every movie that has won the BAFTA for Best Film has gone on to win the Oscar in the same category. Basically what I’m trying to say is 12 Years a Slave is going to win. Based on the facts above and my gut. Just call me Olivia Pope.

Now that you’re prepped for the Oscars, we’ll see you back here on Sunday for our Live Blog (and big redesign day)!!!!

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Non-Scary Movies That Will Scare the $HiT Out of You

I’m not much of a horror movie person. I would rather see all the rom-coms in existence (ranging from Hallmark Channel to When Harry Met Sally) than sit through a marathon of Friday the 13th movies. It’s not particularly because it’s scary, but because I don’t find the appeal in watching someone get bludgeoned to death with like a knife or a chainsaw.

The first movie I remember ever thinking was truly frightening was The Sixth Sense, because that was the paranormal factor yet ‘realistic’ side to it that freaked me out when I was just 13. Movies that aren’t necessarily considered horror – that are more psychologically scary are waayyy more horrific than any Mike Meyers type film. Here’s my list of scary non-scary movies that actually make me lost my shit.

Gravity

So I saw the trailer for this in the movie theater and IMMEDIATELY said ‘NOPE’ outloud. But then a couple weeks ago, it finally came out and the buzz was through the roof. No one said anything about the plot, or the outcome , just that it was amazing and would blow your mind.

Because I sometimes cave to peer pressure, I finally saw it. And holy shit was everyone right. There is no way to accurately describe the feeling you have throughout and after watching this movie, other than it affects you. Emotionally, physically – it makes you feel something that I’ve never felt before. The only thing I can kind of compare it to is after I saw Inception, I legit had to sit in my seat until they kicked us out because I didn’t know what to do with myself (slash I wanted to know if the top fell or not). It’s like Inception but 10 times worse/better.

There were definitely parts where the anxiety level was high, and seeing Sandra Bullock and George Clooney dangle in space was absolutely horrifying. But it reminds you that we are just a small part of this entire galaxy, and maybe that’s the most frightening part of it all.

Requiem for a Dream

I was introduced to this film my freshman year of college in one of my writing classes (liberal arts school = a writing class where my final paper was about Studio 54 and Macaulay Culkin’s Party Monster). Now I don’t do drugs, but after watching this film there was no way in hell I was ever going to start. The way Darren Aronofsky makes you feel like you’re actually doing drugs with them was plenty enough for me to feel like I was high too. The close up cinematography of the drugs themselves was a startling reminder of what you’re actually dealing with – and not to mention I think Breaking Bad may have taken a page out of Aronofsky’s book.

And the music? Yeah, if I hear the first few notes of Lux Aeterna, it takes me to a place in my mind I never want to be. Bitches be crazy on drugs, y’all.

Contagion

To be completely honest, the idea of Contagion sounded so scary to me that I couldn’t even watch the movie. I’m just putting it on here because it sounds like the worst possible thing that could feasibly happen to the citizens of the world. It hits too close too home and I don’t like it one bit. This is why I don’t like going out – people can catch things.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

At first glance, this is a fun children’s movie, right? WRONG. As much as I love this movie, let’s be real. What kind of creepy old man, who hasn’t been seen in years, has a contest to invite kids into his sketchy chocolate factory, which is all really a test to see who would become his rightful heir? And come on – this scene alone? Why did we let kids watch this movie?!?

Black Swan

Going in to Black Swan, I really didn’t think it was going to be as creepy and unsettling as it actually was. But leave it up to Darren Aronofsky once again to freak your bean. Remember the part with the feathers? Yeah, that still haunts me to this day.

Fantasia

Hands down, the weirdest Disney film ever. I remember seeing this in the theater with my parents and falling asleep, but I think it was really because I subconsciously didn’t want my innocent eyes to see the ecstasy trip that was happening on screen. Honestly, if I did drugs (which again, thank Requiem for that), it would probably be a much better film? IDK though guys, it still doesn’t make sense to me and I imagine that that’s what Disney hell looks like.

BONUS:

Unsolved Mysteries

Don’t tell me this theme song alone didn’t make you want to run into a corner and cry. I would make my parents change the channel anytime it accidentally came on because it was THAT frightening… I really shouldn’t have been watching so much television as a kid…