Handsome Men In Pastels And Florals: An Appreciation Post

Spring is in the air! Passover and Easter are here, tulips are popping up, days are getting longer, and it’s the perfect time to bust out some pastels or floral prints in your wardrobe. While I like lighter colors and flower patterns myself, there’s nothing better than a man confident and exuberant enough to wear FUN clothes (and while I’d argue that fun clothes shouldn’t require confidence, the Standard Man’s Wardrobe is admittedly pretty staid – and if that’s what you prefer, you do you). With trendsetters looking this fresh and sunny, though, maybe the general populace isn’t far behind!

Tinie Tempeh

This Gucci cotton crepe blazer is screen-printed with a gorgeous chinoiserie pattern, given a bit of edge with the gold chain and bare chest. Is he at a tea party? I love everything about this.

Taking it back to 2014, Tinie Tempah is at it AGAIN in Casely-Hayford, ankle pants and plain white tennis shoes. The man knows he looks good in a floral print.

Let’s be real. I’m presenting these gents in no particular order, but Tinie Tempeh’s at the top of the list because he’s the king of the floral blazer in my book. This Louis Vuitton brocade tux jacket fits like a dream and looks like one too.

Rami Malek

Rami is one of our blog favorites, and part of that’s because he’s such a consistently well-dressed man. It comes as no surprise, then, that he’s one of our repeat floral enthusiasts. This bright blue suit worn for his Time Off shoot makes his eyes stand out even more than they already do.

Listen. There is a middle ground for the man who likes the idea of florals but doesn’t feel comfortable in a brocade or chintz look, and that middle ground is the Hawaiian-style shirt. It’s summery, bright, and fun, but has been part of the menswear establishment for decades. Rami knows. This one’s by Sandro and has a gorgeous sheen in higher-res images.

Then there’s this alternative to the floral blazer or tuxedo jacket: a solid-color suit with a flower-print shirt underneath. And a polka-dotted pocket square for whimsy.

Jared Leto

Jared Leto made waves at the 2015 Oscars in the Givenchy tuxedo that’s somewhere between lavender and periwinkle. He even accessorized: that’s not a boutonniere, it’s a pink floral Fred Leighton brooch.

You know what? The long double-breasted coat feels costume-y to me, and I’m not feeling the slouchy socks, but that’s OKAY. The fact that Jared went for it in this very Lilly Pullitzer color-combo (in Gucci, no less) is great.

A$ap Rocky

One of the most common men’s floral staples the past few years has been the printed bomber jacket. In 2013, A$ap Rocky was years ahead of the fashion curve in this Balenciaga jacket and matching shirt.

Here’s a new one for our list: floral jeans that manage to look beautiful and not at all like my embroidered floral jeans from the Limited Too circa 1999. That’s probably because these are Gucci. And PAINTED. Love love love.

Bruno Mars

No apologies here: I still love Uptown Funk and I think the video was an instant classic, due in large part to the retro throwback looks — especially Bruno’s fantastic pink jacket.

And then there’s Bruno in last year’s Jane The Virgin finale, all flowy and flowery.

Nick Cannon

I’m no Nick Cannon stan, but I’d be remiss to leave off this dapper three-piece that’s like a cartoon version of an Edwardian man on Easter, which to be clear, is a compliment.

Harry Styles

Open strong, close strong: if Tinie Tempeh is a king of floral jackets, Harry is the Emperor Of The Full Floral Suit. Here he is in Gucci, 2015, keeping it December-appropriate in a cheerful red.

This Gucci suit Harry wore to the 2015 AMAs made my jaw drop in a good way. And since I’ve come to expect him to wear prints that are a bit extra, the part that surprised me was that he managed to make a flared leg look current. What can I say, I came of age in the early 2000s.

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It’s like a rockstar Minnie Mouse, which I’m good with and you should be too.

One more before we go: floral Gucci pants. These are Good Pants. And what’s that I see? Niall’s little yellow head, with a floral patch on his elbows? Harry’s enthusiasm for flower prints is downright infectious.

 

One thing I noticed when brainstorming this list was that most well-dressed men either wear florals and pastels regularly, or not at all. With the exception of the stray pink or light blue button-up or t-shirt, which barely counts IMO, it seems like these springy styles just aren’t a part of most mens’ day-to-day fashion lineup. But who knows? Maybe all fashionable gents are just one well-made pastel tuxedo jacket from entering the light side.

 

Best Dressed: White House Correspondents’ Dinner 2016

Backtracking a bit: on Tuesday, we discussed the best dressed of the Met Gala, AKA Fashion Prom. But let’s not forget that Saturday was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, AKA Nerd Prom, full of almost as many wonderful outfits. (Note: it’s also my annual check on whether I can still spell the word ‘correspondents,’ which got me booted from a spelling bee in the fourth grade.) Let’s see how those nerds (read: fabulous and powerful Hollywood and political elite) cleaned up! In no particular order…

Emma Watson in Osman

I definitely went through a time with Emma Watson where I was like “girl, not sure about all of these looks but you are 100% doing you.” And now I’m just like “narrow pants? Jacobean embroidered poppies slit to the waist? A paper plate looking ruffle? WTF somehow it all works and you look amazing.” 10 points to Gryffindor.

Emily Ratajkowski in Monique Lhuillier

Between the color, the beading, the simple hair, and the unfussy silhouette (which really helps the floral look non-crazy), this is just fun enough to be young and just serious enough to be Washington-appropriate.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw in Lela Rose

Gugu has been on the “totally going to be a big thing soon” list for a while now, and every time I see her I think she just needs ONE high-profile awards season and she’ll be a fashion favorite. I love the oversized violet and indigo pattern. This has to be one of the least cheezy uses of a sheer panel I’ve seen in a while, too.

Michelle Dockery in Cushnie et Ochs

There wasn’t a ton of color at Nerd Prom, which makes this look extra sunny and delightful. Shades of yellow and orange can be really hard for a lot of people to pull off, skin-tone wise, but this deeper, more citrusy shade isn’t bringing out any sallow undertones.The cap sleeve has had a few years off and I think maybe it can come back.

Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad

Once I verified that this was a taupe under-layer and not just strategically-placed sheer stripes, I absolutely loved this. Favorite part: the floating beads every few stripes.

Jared Leto

Okay, maybe the last time saw a light pink bow tie was at an early 90s wedding, but it looks good on Jared Leto… as does everything. There aren’t many people who can pull off a ruffled pocket square, but Jared Leto is definitely one of them. Also I feel like maybe he’s growing his hair back out, which is a good thing for all society.

Karlie Kloss in Derek Lam

This one started on my “meh” list and migrated over to my best list for a few reasons – first, it wasn’t black… and there was a lot of black that night. Second, it wasn’t too safe and boring, but it also wasn’t disrespectful too frivolous. And honestly, the contrasting colors and textures just grew on me the more I looked at it. Is texture blocking the new color blocking?

Helen Mirren in Dolce & Gabbana

What. A. Dame. Helen Mirren, always the perfect combo of “class” (ugh, but you know what I mean) and fun, paid tribute to Prince with this purple gown and a Prince symbol drawn on her collarbone. I don’t know if she’s ever looked bad a day in her life.

28 Co-stars Lindsay Lohan (Maybe) Didn’t Deserve

Well folks, she made it. Lindsay Lohan is celebrating her 28th year on earth today and we’re all alive to witness it. We’ve watched LiLo grow up in front of our very eyes – from The Parent Trap to acquiring an annoying celebrity nickname to befriending Oprah, Lindsay’s roots as a child star have putting her in the precarious position of being scrutinized in the public eye while still attempting to have a professional career. And while her heyday came between the late 90s and early 00s, Linds has still been in a number of films and TV cameos in her nearly 20 year career in the business, and many with exceptional co-stars. But let’s be real, how many of these outstanding co-stars deserved better than Lindsay Lohan? Hint: almost all of them. But in honor of Lindsay’s 28th birthday, here’s a definitive list of which of her former castmates deserved way better than a (in some cases, future) drug and alcohol addled LiLo to share the screen with.

28)  Megan Fox from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Who knew Megan Fox would turn into one of Hollywood’s sexiest and most profitable stars? Well she did, even though it may have been hard to tell when she played opposite Lindsay in this teen musical movie. Actually, as I’m looking at this picture, maybe Lindsay’s hat should’ve been on the list instead.

27)  Tim Gunn in Project Runway

Linds served as a guest judge on the season six premiere of the fashion competition series, but let’s be real – the best part of Project Runway is Tim Gunn. And his fabulousness was wasted on Lindsay – like what even are those pants? She couldn’t even make those work.

26) The garbage can she fell into in Mean Girls

Warning: this is just the first of a few Mean Girls co-stars on this list – but I feel like one of the most iconic scenes from the movie is this one, with Lindsay’s legs just sticking straight up in the air. Who falls into a garbage can like that? And what ever happened to the garbage can after filming?

25)  Bette Midler in Bette

If you don’t remember this show, it’s because it didn’t last long – Lindsay played Bette Midler’s daughter in the pilot, but when production moved from New York (where she was based) to LA, she had to pull out. Probably for the best since the show was short-lived and Bette probs could’ve found another child star.

24) Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday

Jamie Lee Curtis: THE scream queen and certified babe of the 1980s/1990s. She quickly became an A-list actress and then she decided to do this Disney movie with LiLo? Not to mention she came from Hollywood royalty (Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis).

23) Woody Harrelson in  A Prairie Home Companion

I have a renewed love of Woody Harrelson after seeing him in The Hunger Games and True Detective. This guy can act. He’s not just the bartender from Cheers anymore (is that a reference people still make these days?) But his acting skills are severely undervalued and he should be playing quality roles like True Detective more often.

22) Natasha Richardson in The Parent Trap

To be fair, The Parent Trap kicked it all off for Lindsay, when she was still young and full of promise, so working with the great Natasha Richardson before her death is such an honor. Like Jamie, she’s Hollywood/possibly British royalty (Tony Richardson & Vanessa Redgrave) and was taken way too soon – Natasha seemed like a breath of fresh air when watching her on screen and made a simple kid’s film into a movie full of heart and hope.

21) Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls

Rachel McAdams is the actress that Lindsay should’ve become, if it weren’t for the, you know, downward spiral and all.

20) Jane Fonda in Georgia Rule

When Georgia Rule was made, Lindsay was in her prime – it was a post-Mean Girls world and she had so much hope and promise as a young actress that it’s obvious why Jane Fonda, a longtime veteran of the industry would want to work with her. It’s just that also around this time, Lindsay could barely work with herself.

19) Jimmy Fallon in SNL

After appearing in this classic Debbie Downer sketch (its first appearance on the show ever!), Jimmy has always been a fan/supporter of Lindsay – although who ISN’T he a fan of? Anyways, she’s appeared on his show multiple times and even participated in bits like Ew! JFal is one of the greatest comedians of our time and Lindsay’s just lucky he likes her.

18) Chris Parnell in Labor Pains/ SNL

I will say this about Lindsay: she’s actually been pretty good every time she hosts SNL. She’s not afraid to make fun of herself and always goes all in. Except for that last time she hosted – it was like Britney made her first public appearance since the meltdown and you could TELL she was on all these drugs to keep her sane. Anyways, SNL is clearly the breeding ground for the best comedians in the game, so when acting alongside the likes of Chris Parnell, you gotta step your game up. I know it’s hard to be funny sometimes, but you can’t win ’em all.

17) Lily Tomlin in A Prairie Home Companion

True story: when we were in high school, we decided to see this movie in the theater solely based on the fact that Lindsay was in it and singing. It was probably one of the most boring movies of our teenage lives, and a lesson on why you should never go to see a movie you’re not interested in (plot wise) just because there’s an actor/actress in it that you want to see. Anyways, revered funnywoman Lily Tomlin is in this and she sings with Lindsay.

16) The Danny DeVito Chick in Mean Girls

Because Danny DeVito lookalikes are hard to come by these days and she was severely underused.

15) James Franco in the fake movie in The Holiday

Lindsay and James Franco made a surprise appearance via movie trailer as the stars of the film that Cameron Diaz’ character was editing. Like Lindsay, James had already appeared in a bunch of TV shows and films prior to The Holiday, but let’s face the facts – only one of these people has earned an Oscar nomination.

14) Chad Michael Murray in Freaky Friday

Ah, Chad Michael Murray: The teen heartthrob so nice, they named him thrice. It’s hard to believe, but when Freaky Friday came out CMM was in his early 20s and seemed a bit old for Lohan. Only five years had passed since The Parent Trap, and little did we know that in five more years, LiLo would be filming such classics as Labor Pains.

13) Ashton Kutcher in That 70s Show

Take yourself back to 2004. Lindsay Lohan was THE teen queen – I mean, she even had a public feud with Lizzie Maguire herself, Hilary Duff, for goodness sakes – and the teen king of the day was none other than (technically 26-year-old man-child) Ashton Kutcher. Of course, Lindsay’s real That 70s Show love was Wilmer Valderrama. We’ll address that later.

12) Ana Gasteyer in Mean Girls

Imagine what could have happened if Ana Gasteyer had been able to sub in as Lindsay Lohan’s actual mother instead of Dina “Not Really A Rockette” Lohan.

11) Wilmer Valderrama in That 70s Show/Real Life

Wilmer Valderrama dated fresh-faced, attractive, pre-train wreck 2004 Lohan. This makes him fare better, dating-wise, than any other guy named Wilmer – past or present.

10) Chris Pine in Just My Luck

Remember Just My Luck? It doesn’t even air on TBS or  ABC Family, but it was a sort of TV movie-quality theatrical release. It was an early attempt to turn LiLo into a RomCom leading lady a la Meg Ryan or Katherine Heigl (WHY ARE NONE OF OUR REFERENCES CURRENT? Do they even still make these movies? I feel like the last one I saw was in about 2009). Anyway, Chris Pine was a beautiful newcomer at the time.

9) Joshua Jackson in Bobby

Pacey Witter, Dream Man? Now it’s personal.

8) Jared Leto in Chapter 27

I don’t care if it’s skinny Jordan Catalano, ombre-haired Jordan Catalano, or chubby Jordan Catalano, Jared Leto will always be some incarnation of Jordan Catalano to me. But you, Ms. Lohan, are no Angela Chase. Arguably, Rayanne Graff if things really went south for her, but I always imagined she’d find her niche and really ~thrive.

7) Lizzy Caplan in Mean Girls

Proving that “slow and steady wins the race” (s/o to Aesop!), you didn’t hear too much from Lizzy Caplan right after Mean Girls, except for effusive praise from her co-stars. Now she’s winning acclaim for her role on Showtime’s Masters Of Sex, while Lohan is garnering attention for her factually inaccurate list of sex partners.

6) Maya Rudolph in A Prairie Home Companion/SNL

Maya Rudolph is one of those actors who’s able to make anyone she’s working with look good. Plus, she seems like a really fun and nice person. We’re jealous.

5) A Pre-Drugs Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap

The frustrating thing about Lindsay’s long, horrible demise is that at one time, she was really good. So how lucky were the people who got to work with Lindsay before all the troubles? Among those lucky people: Lindsay herself, really Orphan Black-ing it as Hallie and Annie in her film debut.

4) Meryl Streep in A Prairie Home Companion

Before Lindsay was accidentally calling out Jennifer Lawrence for saying “I beat Meryl!” at the Golden Globes, Lohan was costarring with Streep herself! But make no mistake: A Prairie Home Companion was still boring. Or, I mean, we thought so when we were 18 anyway.

3) Tina Fey in Mean Girls/SNL

Look, if you can’t build a viable career after Tina Fey wrote your breakout role, I don’t think anyone can help you. And don’t say that Tina didn’t try. Around the era we were all first realizing Lindsay wasn’t doing so great, Tina Fey and the other SNL folks even staged an intervention for her. Remember that show Intervention? If they’d had Tina Fey as the coach instead of that random guy they did have, they probably would have had a 99% success rate.

2) Amy Poehler in Mean Girls/SNL

Again, if having Amy Poehler as a potential mentor cannot help you rise above, I am not sure what can. I mean, Ask Amy videos alone are responsible for thousands of women Lindsay’s age (I mean… teen girls, who are the target audience, right?) getting their shit together.

1) Herbie in Herbie: Fully Loaded

WHO LET HER WORK WITH A CAR?

She isn’t great with cars, guys.

Herbie is an icon. He deserved better.

We all did.

 

Saturday Spotlight: long ago (and oh so far away)

I don’t know if it’s because summer is on its way (because what is summer but 3 months of solid opportunity?). Maybe it’s because this spring is the 10 year anniversary of realizing that the life I knew was almost gone (I mean, FRIENDS ended, guys. And Mean Girls came out, my last teen movie as a bona fide teen … because ten years ago this June, friends, we graduated from high school). Whatever the reason, the past few weeks I have that restless itchy feeling that can only be fixed by leaving. That feeling that makes you want to unironically quote lyrics to Carpenters songs. Whether it’s travel in location or travel through time – via nostalgia, not some sort of sci-fi stuff – this week we couldn’t help but focus on both the long ago and the far away.


It’s a cliche and we don’t care: our lives changed when we studied abroad. This one is a must-read if travel changed you, too – or even if you just know that it could.

Study Abroad: A Lesson in Jumping In

You know how people ask, ‘what would you tell your younger self?’ My answer to that in this particular situation is… nothing. I wouldn’t say anything. I needed that sense of fright in me. I think I would be more worried if I WASN’T scared of leaving everything I knew to be familiar for 4 months and diving into a foreign country with no one I knew.

I can’t pinpoint an exact moment in that semester when it happened, but the day I returned to the States, April 27th, 2006, I felt something was different within me. Maybe it’s that I had to quickly learn how to go into the world and fend for myself. Maybe it’s that I was able to come across so many people from different walks of life and realized that there is so much more than the bubble we live in each day. Maybe it’s the unexpected (lifelong) friendships I made with people that share that magical time in our lives together. Maybe it was the reverse culture shock – it is REAL y’all. If you’ve never experienced it, it’s nearly impossible to explain. I remember having a particularly hard time coming back to my friends in Boston. All I knew was that I was so so so happy to see them and be in their presence once again, but I didn’t feel like the same person they were friends with 4 months ago. Whatever it was, I knew I was forever changed because of it.


 

Meta-nostalgia alert: nostalgia for a song about the good old days – when you weren’t alive when the good old days happened, or even when the song came out. Yes, Wang Chung’s ‘Dance Hall Days’ is actually a song about nostalgia — about young folks in the mid-20th century who would meet at the dance hall. It’s also a song about murder, I’m pretty sure. Read what happened when I listened to this creepy 80s song for 10 days straight:

Dance Hall Daze: 10 Days Of ‘Dance Hall Days’ by Wang Chung

Day 2

You know what this song is to me? It’s like the auditory version of those slideshows of decrepit malls. What was once full of the poppy, peppy optimism of the 80s is now just a deserted shell of horror.

Also, I still don’t know why we let a band of like 5-ish white men call themselves Wang Chung. But I do know that I can now respond to “Everybody have fun tonight/ Everybody Wang Chung Tonight” with a definitive OH HELL NO I WOULD PREFER NOT TO.


Some may scoff at our celebrity worship culture, but at its best it’s about getting away from yourself and paying attention to people who are more like you wish you could be. Enter: Kerry Washington.

Woman Crush Wednesday: Kerry Washington

Let’s be honest. Do I really need to explain why Kerry Washington is our Woman Crush on this Wednesday (and everyday, TBH)? Since Scandal has left us hanging by the thread of Olivia’s white coat after last week’s finale, I figured us Gladiators can get our mini-Kerry fix this week with a love letter to the woman in the white hat herself.

From her early beginnings as the annoying sister (who has a soft spot for true love) in Save the Last Dance, to a D.C. fixer who has a penchant for red wine and jam (not necessarily together) on #Scandal, Kerry has captured our hearts with her superior acting, but moreover with her beauty and grace. Here are just a few more reasons why we think this momma-to-be is the bee’s knees.

She’s No Dummy

I feel like there are two types of actors. The kind that dropped out of school to chase after their dream of making it big, and the ones that were always at or near the top of their class, most likely a graduate of some kind of drama school like Yale/NYU/Julliard etc. Kerry falls into the latter group. After attending one of the best prep schools in America, she went to George Washington University, graduating Phi Beta Kappa with a double major in anthropology and sociology. I mean, whoa. I can barely even tell you what anthropology is besides the incorrect spelling of an overpriced clothing store I KID, I KID. Needless to say, she’s got brains to back her beauty. What do you expect when your mother is a professor and educational consultant?


 

I know I’m not the only one who feels the need to get away this time of year – just look at how many people hightailed it to Coachella! People at Coachella dress in ways they never would in real life. When you think about it, fashion can be a type of escape too.

Coachella 2014 Fashion Wrap-Up

Jared Leto

How is it possible to have had a 20-year-long crush on Jared Leto? Aren’t I still only like 21? But seriously, I remember that every time I would sneak-read my sister’s Seventeen magazines as a kid – the jig is up now, sorry! – they were always talking about Jared ‘Jordan Catalano’ Leto. The man holds up well.

So, elephant (zebra) in the room (pants): yeah, those are zebra pants. It’s Coachella, which is like Hipster Halloween. But Leto isn’t about the clothes, he’s about the hair, and isn’t it beautiful? He looks like a freaking Haim sister. I’m just saying, if they all collabed on some gloss spray or a leave-in conditioner, I’d probably buy it.

Katy Perry

As I said: Hipster Halloween. Except for the offensive stuff, you can’t really criticize Coachella fashion – it’s supposed to be a bit wacky. It’s just that this reminds me of all of the parts of 90s style I’m not ready to see again, from the Manic Panic hair to the black socks to the DIY’ed weird-fitting dress. But I cannot blame Perry at all for taking her chance to wear something you couldn’t get away with anywhere else – I’d do it too.


 

Sometimes we don’t realize how special something is until its gone – then, almost the second it’s over, we just wish we could replay it, but really pay attention this time. But sometimes, you’re lucky enough to realize how special a place is while you’re still there – that’s when it becomes a home, even after you’ve left.

We Own The Finish Line

Prior to living in Boston, I had no idea that A) the Boston Marathon was such a huge deal B) Patriots’ Day, the day of the Marathon, is a state holiday in which there’s no school, and usually no work for the adults. People flock to the course to watch people run by. The marathon has always been unique in that the course goes through a ton of residential areas, where people will sit on the sidelines and cheer people on – whether they know them or not. And I can’t help but think this year, the sidewalks will be filled with more people than ever before. It is that kind of support that is so overwhelming it brings tears to my eyes. So often we get caught up in being negative and frustrated with people who make us mad every single day, but in the end, we have to remember that we’re all in this together. That’s all we can do – stand together. Every single person who was there to physically help at the finish line, every doctor, nurse, every person who donated money to the One Fund, proved that the city of Boston isn’t just made of individuals, it’s a city that can come together even in the darkest of times and still find a way to take charge and go into the light.

Boston proved that the only way to combat this hateful crime wasn’t with waging war – it was by showing that a trying time only brings them together, forces them to be stronger, more resilient than ever before.

Coachella 2014 Fashion Wrap-Up

Pull out your 90s jumpers and flower crowns. Lace up your Doc Martens. Grab your dry shampoo, but probably leave that Hipster Indian Headdress at home (it’s kinda offensive, you know?). It’s Coachella season!

The festival is over now, but don’t worry — the two weekends of Coachella 2014 provided enough fashion inspiration – and fashion WTF-ery – to last us the whole year.

Beyonce and Solange

Confession: Although “What Would Beyonce Do?” (along with “How would Beyonce feel about this?” and “What would Beyonce get on her sandwich?”) is the driving question that gets me through my days, style-wise I’m kind of obsessed with little sister Solange. She wears fun prints and boho pieces because screw it, she’s not Beyonce. And her natural hair is to die for.

Coachella is pretty casual, and that means that Queen Bey wasn’t going to wear a bedazzled leotard (on second thought, bedazzled leotards DO sound sort of Coachella). Instead, she was getting her inner Solange on. How fun was it to see these sisters hanging out together, making music, and looking flipping amazing? Beyonce’s purple shift is like a 2010s reboot of the 90s tribute to the 60s mod look (you following?) – and I would gladly trade in half of my wardrobe for Solange’s orange romper. I don’t have children yet, which is good because I would also probably trade my firstborn to have Knowles DNA (or at least that hair).

Haim

Speaking of sisters that make me want to sort out exactly what sort of nature/nurture combo made them so damn cool: HAIM. Este, Alana and Danielle are three twenty-something sisters whose sound is like En Vogue meets Wilson Phillips meets Fleetwood Mac, which means you should be listening to them if you aren’t already. No surprise that their Coachella style was completely on-point. The great thing is that their set was so energetic* that I could hardly find a shot of all three of them on stage. The mesh-knit sweater and especially that cutout dress are amazing, though a week later I’m sure they have some really weird tan lines.

* The full set was online but it’s been taken down now for copyright/IP reasons. On behalf of lawyers everywhere, I’m sorry, we’re the worst.

Jared Leto

How is it possible to have had a 20-year-long crush on Jared Leto? Aren’t I still only like 21? But seriously, I remember that every time I would sneak-read my sister’s Seventeen magazines as a kid – the jig is up now, sorry! – they were always talking about Jared ‘Jordan Catalano’ Leto. The man holds up well.

So, elephant (zebra) in the room (pants): yeah, those are zebra pants. It’s Coachella, which is like Hipster Halloween. But Leto isn’t about the clothes, he’s about the hair, and isn’t it beautiful? He looks like a freaking Haim sister. I’m just saying, if they all collabed on some gloss spray or a leave-in conditioner, I’d probably buy it.

Katy Perry

As I said: Hipster Halloween. Except for the offensive stuff, you can’t really criticize Coachella fashion – it’s supposed to be a bit wacky. It’s just that this reminds me of all of the parts of 90s style I’m not ready to see again, from the Manic Panic hair to the black socks to the DIY’ed weird-fitting dress. But I cannot blame Perry at all for taking her chance to wear something you couldn’t get away with anywhere else – I’d do it too.

Ellie Goulding

The good: this is a really non-Ellie-Goulding look, and Coachella is all about trying new things! And if the weirdest new thing you’re trying is a fashion risk, you’re probably going to make it through the weekend. I’m into all of the cutouts we’re seeing, tanlines aside, and the cape thing is kind of Stevie Nicks.

The bad: the first thing I thought when I saw this was “S&M diaper.” Then I realized that that probably exists. Then I thought about what that observation is going to do to our Google traffic.

Kate Nash

First of all, Kate Nash is so cool. Made Of Bricks was the soundtrack to getting ready to go out or lounging around in the morning when I was in college. Seven (what???) years later, she’s still just as awesome and her newish album Girl Talk is even better. Nash always had a sort of girl-next-door look, so I was surprised to see this Coachella get-up, like when you’d see someone after summer vacation in high school and they’d gone from prep to goth. Then I was immediately unsurprised, because Coachella’s tagline is basically “I Wear What I Want.” Nash’s whole band was in pink too, so it was sort of a fun glam-rock-y thing.

Lorde

A little bit Haim, a little bit Kate Nash. Lorde started her set in a gold lame cape/gown getup, but switched to a casual crop top and harem pants thing. Should we even still say harem pants? That’s probably as bad as “wife beater” shirts.  Whatever you call them, I love these fun baggy pants Lorde has been showing up in lately. Remember: even if you subscribe to old-timey fashion rules about wearing white, it’s already after Memorial Day in New Zealand (uhhh…. is that how that works?).

Pharrell

I thought maybe Coachella would be when Pharrell would bust out some sort of Abraham Lincoln stovepipe hat or a sailor cap, but I gather that he bought a lot of these Arby’s hats wholesale and now dammit, he’s going to wear them. Please note the obligatory hipster scarf, which is probably a utilitarian measure at Coachella – keeps the sand out of your mouth and eyes.  I sort of love that his shorts remind me of something that I would have rocked as a little girl in the early 90s.

Justin Bieber

A head that appears to be facing backwards on his body, like a twerpy male version of the girl from the Exorcist. Cutoff sweat-shorts. A friggin bucket hat.

Justin Bieber would, everybody.

Vanessa Hudgens

If a non-Indian person wears a bindi in the desert, and there’s nobody there to photograph it, is it still culturally appropriative?

(Yes.)

The pink tipped hair is fun though.

Chvrches (/Lauren Mayberry)

Chvrches is a really fun band -they were one of my picks on our songs of the summer playlist last year, but I think this year it might really happen. Lauren Mayberry is, in addition to being a solid musician, somebody you should be listening to off-stage as well.

But this is a fashion post, so I’m going to say it: Lauren Mayberry of Chvrches has the best bangs in the music industry. If my bangs looked like this, I wouldn’t be living in a 27-year cycle of having bangs, growing them out because they never look right, cutting them again, and growing out, etc.

Kid Cudi

My life in crop tops:

Age 5: My brothers’ shady little league coach always wears crop tops. I distinctly remember playing on the dirt pile, watching him walk by and wondering whether the shirt was meant for somebody my size.

Age 15: I say screw it, I’m going to wear a crop top; I feel really skanky about it but if you can’t wear it when you’re 15, when?

Age 25: I wonder if the return of the crop top means I’M supposed to be wearing them; am relieved that I’m old enough that it’s probably not expected of me.

Age 27: Kid Cudi in a crop top at Coachella. It is like my whole life has been leading up to this moment.

See that look of unadulterated glee on Kid Cudi’s face? That is the expression of a grown man who knows that he is successfully pulling off a male crop-top and skinny shorts. Bravo, mister.

Lana Del Rey

I waffle between loving this and thinking it looks too lounge-y. Is Hawaiian print  quite ready for a comeback? It reminds me of being in junior high in 1999 and coveting the items in the Delia’s catalog, and surely that wasn’t THAT long ago.

But when you get down to it, it seems like Lana feels comfortable and happy, and with her crazy-enviable hair, she looks great. Plus it’s fun to see some bright color out there instead of drab summertime sadness-y getups.

Regular Non-Famous Humans In The Crowd

A few of the Coachella staples were on hand, and these looks were sported by the famous and non-famous alike:

Flower crowns: the more bohemian, less offensive alternative to the hipster headdress of a few years ago. I approve.

Hats: Because you’re in the freaking desert.

90s style: How am I old enough for this to be happening??? Basically just dress like if Clarissa Darling went to a music festival.

Somewhere between west coast grunge and Tragic Kingdom-era Gwen Stefani?

Message T’s

I never thought about Rita Ora one way or the other, but wearing this to troll the kiddos at Coachella makes me love her a bit.

Neon: Make Kelly Kapowski proud (Why are all my fashion refs two decades old?)

Native American inspiration (/appropriation?): Proof that white people shouldn’t have nice things

There were a few other trends on hand too: lots of denim shorts, floral print, and heavily tatooed people among them.

In addition, when sorting through the lineup of performers I thought that about 6 of the more unknown men were Macklemore.

None of them was Macklemore.

 

Live Blog: Academy Awards 2014

Howdy friends! Welcome to our newly redesigned site! Take a look around, some things have changed, but the content has not! And to prove this, we’ll be live blogging Hollywood’s biggest night starting 7pm EST/4pm PST, so watch this space for updates. As always, please refresh your browser window periodically to load our up-to-the-minute commentary. You can also follow us on Twitter for updates in 140 characters or less at @cookiessangria (a button linking directly to our Twitter is conveniently located in the sidebar, as well as our newly updated Facebook & Tumblr!).

In the meantime, enjoy this video of baby Ben Affleck and (a cummerbund-ed) Matt Damon accepting their first Oscar for Best Screenplay for one of the greatest movies of all time, Good Will Hunting. Look how far they’ve come…

Preshow

M: I just turned E!’s preshow on at 6:30. I’m wondering if I missed any really famous people. I did see either Kristen Chenowith or a very chipper child actress..

Chiwetel Ejiofor looks attractive in a suit; also has an attractive, well-dressed sister (a TV newswoman). Neither of these facts is surprising, but I’m delighted regardless.

Amy Adams apparently dressed “for herself” today, and it worked. Ummm… has anyone ever SEEN Amy Adams and Isla Fisher in the same place? Or Jessica Chastain, for that matter? The internet is all “whatever” about Amy Adams’ dress but I’m pretttty sure Amy Adams is all “whatever” about randos on the internet.

Idina Menzel: form-fitting Vera Wang, serious bling around her neck. A long way from Maureen Johnson performing Over The Moon in a cyber-cafe.

I think black dresses might be the thing tonight, because Olivia Wilde is wearing a gorgeous dark number, and somehow only looks pregnant from the side. Not to be outdone, Olivia Wide’s unborn baby is wearing Olivia Wilde.

LUPITA NYONG’O. Lupita Nyong’o is dressed as a flawlessly beautiful celestial ancient Greek sea-spirit-queen Cinderella. We’ll give more details as they become available, but suffice to say that she looks better than I could even imagine looking.

And although I cannot ever imagine looking like Lupita Nyong’o, I also have a bony chest – it looks like a damn xylophone – and I have SO much love for Lupita for rocking the plunging neckline that everybody tells you you can’t do.

So, the thing with Pharrell is that happiness would be my truth, too, if I were 40 years old but stopped physically aging at 20. He is wearing short-pants, like a small boy from yesteryear who hasn’t graduated to full pants yet. What I’m saying is that Pharrell is clearly  vampire from the past.

Anna Kendrick is wearing black with sheer cut-outs. I’m not explaining that very well. She’s one of the few people who can pull off looking smoldering and adorable at the same time. Smoldorable.

Speaking of smoldering and adorable all at once: June Squibb and Jared Leto. Leto is wearing a white suit and I’m not even mad. I mean I’ll voice my displeasure later, probably, but the man looks good.

I cannot get excited over Jessica Biel. I’m sorry.

Sarah Paulson is wearing Elie Saab – nude, high-necked, long-sleeved, beaded. And her hair is brown now! It looks great on her. She tells Ryan Seacrest that his eyes look super-green, and he says “colored contacts,” and y’all, I don’t think he’s joking.

Between all of these nude-netted dresses (looking at you, Blanchett) and the Winter Olympics, the company that makes that peachy flesh-colored material is having a real banner year.

EW says that Jennifer Lawrence fell again. If Jennifer Lawrence falls, and nobody’s there to report on it, did it even happen?

T: HI I’M SO IN THE MIDDLE OF WORKING RIGHT NOW BUT OMG JENNIFER LAWRENCE FALLING ON THE RED CARPET I’M DYING.

M: Is she really clumsy or do they just put her in ill-fitting or bad shoe all the time? FIND A BETTER COBBLER, LAWRENCE!!

T: I mean I think she’s just super clumsy. She seems like the type who would be clumsy. She literally was waving to fans and not looking where she was going and I think she tripped on the girl’s dress in front of her? Like slow-motion whilst laughing and a police officer had to help her up. I cannot with you, Katniss.

M: How long until there’s a gif of this moment? My money’s on it being available before the show starts.

T: You know Tumblr is on that shit right now.

M: How does anyone interview Christopher Walken without screaming “WHAT HAPPENED TO NATALIE WOOD?” is beyond me, but hey, that’s why I make a better lawyer than journalist.

M: I just slid the headband off of my head with dejection and more than a little disgust. Technically it was because my temples were hurting, but really because I shouldn’t even try to wear a headband while Lupita is.

So, I switched to the ABC preshow a while ago because the folks at E! were making like college football coaches after the game, just drawing circles on footage and stuff. And ABC just spent about 5 minutes showing us these college kids who, I guess, won a thing. Novel idea: cut that out, start the show at 8EST, and let the actors finish their darn speeches without practically dragging them offstage by one of those oversized vaudeville canes.

Jamie Foxx and Jamie Foxx’s daughter are making the case for some people just having really, really good genes. As in, I’ll never love anything as the two of them must love genetics.

The good part about watching preshows on both networks is getting to see Jared Leto twice. I find myself less interested in who made his suit and more interested in who makes his deep conditioner.

M: Lupita Nyong’o helped design her dress. Of course. Why do I get the feeling that she’d be that girl in fifth grade who joined the dance class you’d been in since kindergarten, and she’d advance to the level above you within like 2 months. You know, sort of able to do everything without even having to try?

Bill Murray just said that things that make him laugh include David Letterman, ESPN, and his kids. So, evidently Bill Murray has the exact same sense of humor as your uncle who lives in DesMoines and sells a lot of insurance.

Will Smith has an earring now. Or maybe he always did, who knows. As my mom told my brother when he was in third grade and wanted to get one ear pierced, “getting an earring won’t make you cool. It just makes you a person who has an earring.”

T: JLAW TRIPGATE2K14 UPDATE:

M: Sandra Bullock is wearing midnight blue Alexander McQueen and looks gorgeous. See, sometimes the best look isn’t a dress with weird sequins all over it or like … that is also a swan costume, or whatever. Simple dress, simple sideswept curls, absolutely perfect. Nobody named Sandy has ever looked that good. No offense to ladies named Sandy but I think you all know this already.

I just saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt chatting with Gabourey Sidibe. Man,that would be  fun convo. While we’re on the topic of JGL, figure skater Jason Brown looks 100% like an alternate universe version of how Third Rock-era Gordon-Levitt could have grown up.

The Oscars have started!

M: Ellen is here, and she is dressed like a very sparkly version of a tiny Victorian boy. So, another vampire. Honestly, just take the classic Blue Boy painting and put him in black, and you have Ellen’s outfit.

Little Lord Fauntleroy starts with a weather joke, so let’s all grab a Snapple and some Chex mix and settle in for a nice night of Middle America.

Ellen declared Jared Leto “the prettiest,” and she’s right. She also riffs on Jennifer Lawrence falling, and Lawrence exacts the best possible revenge: taking the joke nicely while looking almost disturbingly beautiful.

You know how I was talking about genetics earlier? Exhibit: Lupita Nyong’o’s brother. Lupita Nyongo’s… single brother, perhaps? I’ll research it during one of the commercials.

T: RACISM JOKES. THIS IS WHAT I WAS SAYING WHEN ELLEN CAN GET AWAY WITH ANY JOKE BECAUSE SHE’S ELLEN.

M: YES. Because when Ellen makes a joke, it’s like your own mom or aunt making a joke. But without the added baggage of 20+ years of history and issues.

T: Is Anne Hathaway trying to get nominated for an Oscar for presenting? Just because this is the first time you’ve been on stage since your disaster with Franco doesn’t mean you have to be all dramatic.

idk wtf this is but okay

M: Yeah, she was really leaning into that one. I swear God if Jared Leto doesn’t win it’ll be the most he’s disappointed me since Jordan Catalano wrote that song Red about a car instead of Angela Chase.

T: Speaking of disasters, I’m crying already.

M: I was going to ask how your eyes were doing. It’s a little dusty in here all of a sudden. ICYMI, Jared Leto thanked his mom and his brother … but, like, beautifully, and then dedicatd his award to the dreamers of the world, before calling attention to the AIDS epidemic. They let him speak until he was done, rather than cutting him off, because even the guy in charge of the music cues probably has a RAGING crush on Jared Leto right now.

Best Supporting Actor:

Barkhad Abdi,  Captain Phillips  

Bradley Cooper,  American Hustle  

Michael Fassbender,  12 Years a Slave  

Jonah Hill,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club  

Molly’s pick: Jared Leto

Traci’s pick: Jared Leto fun fact: he’s the OLDEST person in this category. Because he’s 42 YEARS OLD. I REPEAT: JORDAN CATALANO IS 42 YEARS OLD.

Molly: It quite literally felt like somebody pushed the air out of my chest when I read that. Jordan Catalano can’t be 42. Tino can, I guess.

Winner: Jared Leto

T: I’m gonna say it: I do not get Jim Carrey. I don’t think he’s funny. At all. #Oscars

M: Yeah. Whenever he does one of his bits I’m like “oh, so you’re going to move your face all weird again? That’s it?” And yeah, that was actually it.

T: WERK, KERRY. I just am so in awe of her. Basically get me in a room with like, Kerry, Lupita and Poehler, and I might actually die. My life would end.

T: I think Pharrell’s performance of Happy is the first time a singer has told the Oscars audience to ‘get up outta their seats’. Or Did Three Six Mafia do that when they won their Oscar for IT’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp?

M: You know, you might be right – I had thought they directed the crowd to put their hands in the air, but I believe it WAS ‘get up outta your seat.’

Well, Pharrell, I’m sold. After that, I DO feel like happiness is the truth. To recap: Pharrell wore his patented track jacket and Canadian mountie hat, and danced with our fake BFFs Lupita, Jennifer and Amy, backed up by adorable dancing people.

Naomi Watts is presenting the costume design award, looking a million times more beautiful than whatever bride is wearing the same dress as her this weekend.

Best Costume Design:

American Hustle  

The Grandmaster  

The Great Gatsby  

The Invisible Woman  

12 Years a Slave  

Molly’s pick: American Hustle… or Great Gatsby… what the heck is The Grandmaster???

Traci’s pick: The Great Gatsby, mainly because i loved all the Baz Luhrman-esque visuals in the movie, and because the costume designer is Catherine Martin (Baz’s wife) two-time Oscar winner and all around talented woman.

Winner: The Great Gatsby

M: YAYYY! I thought the winner was more likely to be American Hustle, but I wanted it to be Gatsby. I have a serious thing for 20s fashion. If any of you get a chance and haven’t seen it yet, check out the making of features on the DVD for more info about all that went into the costuming, especially for the party scenes.

Harrison Ford, I’m telling you the same thing I told Will Smith about pierced ears. However, is it just me or does he get more and more attractive with time? I mean, Harrison Ford could be drooling in a wheelchair at age 107 and I’d probably be like yeah… I’d hit it.

T: “Ladies and gentleman of Dolby Theatre, please give a warm welcome to Channing Tatum” why a particular warm welcome to Channing, Oscars announcer?

T: Oh yes, there is already a GIF of Lupita & Meryl dancing with Pharrell.

M: You know how they say you should draw a smiley face on a piece of paper and looking at it makes you smile even if you feel crummy? If not, now you do. Well,that gif really has the same effect.

Best Animated Feature Film

The Croods  

Despicable Me 2  

Ernest & Celestine  

Frozen  

The Wind Rises  

Molly’s pick: Frozen

Traci’s pick: Frozen

Winner: Frozen

T: I’m not lying when I say I have listened to Love is an Open Door & For the First Time in Forever on repeat, in my car at full blast – SINGING at full blast – down Hollywood and Highland where the Oscars are right now. I HAVE NO SHAME. I’M 28 YEARS OLD AND HAVE NO SHAME.

M: The Frozen soundtrack was somehow specially formulated to be THE perfect car singing experience. I think someone heard me singing in a parking lot a few days ago. Granted, it wasn’t Frozen, but it WAS Funky Cold Medina, so I am also shameless.

M: I missed the intro for this series of clips and now I’m grasping at what the common theme is. I was going to say movies about changes in America but then Bravehart came up. Is it “making a difference” or something?

T: WAIT GUYS. New OTP: JGL & EMWATS?? Uh if you’re not a ridiculous human being like me, I just said: ‘new favorite couple: Joseph Gordon Levitt and Emma Watson’. (Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks this) I’m gonna go relearn English.

M: Like the cursed eyes of an evil banshee, I feel like when JGL and EmWats are together I cannot look directly at them. To make them even more perfect, Emma speaks so beautifully with her RP accent that it sounds like she’s about to tell me to make a u-turn and take the next exit onto i-90.

T: They just played Good Morning, Baltimore when Zef walked on stage. What, no We’re All in This Together? Or Bet on It? Come onnnn Academy.

M: Karen O has positively not aged since the 90s. I forgot how much I loved this song in Her. Speaking of Her, it was the most oddly affecting film I’ve seen in a while. When Amy Adams said that line about how we’re only here briefly and so she wants to allow herself joy, I was like that’s it. I’m done.

M: Hey, short films. Come back when you’re regular-sized films. I don’t have time for this.

OH. Never mind. I’m an ass. The documentary about that woman who was the oldest Holocaust survivor and played the piano beautifully just won. I love her so much. She passed away last week and it’s sad she missed this but I’m sure she didn’t care too much about this award anyway.

OK, time to be a little less kind: Whoopi Goldberg what are you wearing? It looks like a white button-up with  black crop-top over it and a Duggar lady skirt.

Ellen just offered to buy pizza for the audience. The only women who raised their hands were pregnant.

In the span of about 5 seconds I saw John Stamos, Whoopi Goldberg and Calista Flockhart. Did we all time travel to 1997?

T: Uh does anyone else feel like the cameras are too close to the presenters? Pretty sure I saw up Bradley Cooper’s nose right now.

M: Oooh. Yes. This guy who just won – I could tell you more about his pores than I think his dermatologist could.

T: Oh goddddd. Darlene Love is singing as part of her speech. Didn’t someone else sing on stage recently?? Apparently Bill Murray loved it and stood up right away. Brad Pitt didn’t really want to stand up but he did against his will.

M: Best version of His Eye Is On The Sparrow? Still Lauryn Hill.

T: ^^ Co-sign.

T: Frank Underwood made an appearance at the Oscars and I legit stood up and clapped for Kevin Spacey. Okay, it’s also because I’ve been sitting down for too long, but I mean, the thought was there.

T: Ugh I still have residual Brad/Jen/Angelina animosity, but that was really cute when he kissed her after they showed her winning the Humanitarian award. I want so much to dislike you.

M: I remember a period in 2006 or so when my sister-in-law had a stack of US Weekly mags, and every single one had a split cover of Angelina and Jen, with one of them looking more or less menacing or unattractive based on what the story was about.

M: Brad Pitt clearly sprang for the BIG bottle of L.A. Looks before tonight’s show. As did most of U2, as it turns out.

M: A PSA to everybody over the age of 45: Just saying the word “selfie” or taking a selfie, isn’t a joke. Try harder. That massive group photo they took of half of Hollywood qualifies as trying hard enough.

T: I cannot. I CANNOT. Meryl just said, “OOOHH I’ve never tweeted before!” Retweeting that shit so much.

T: ALSO NEW NEW OTP: KBELL AND VINCE. Again for regular human beings: New favorite potential romance, Kristen Bell and Michael B. Jordan. Or I mean, Michael B. Jordan with me, really.

M: Unfortunately, Kristen Bell is already attached to Dax Shepard and Michael B. Jordan is already attached to me.

NOTE TO READERS: The above comments were written simultaneously. And while we’re the type of friends who never fight, we may have to come to blows over this one.

T: I’m not afraid to fight you, Dougherty. I am Unagi.

M: I’m fairly certain that if one of us will forfeit Vince and one of us will forfeit Riggins we can solve this amicably.

T: Fair enough. Fun with Friday Night Lights ‘romances that will never happen’

M: Goes without saying we couldn’t get through this without referencing FNL and Full House, so far. There will be more.

ICYMI: Gravity just won every technical type award there is because it’s  movie about outer space.

T: I’m about to vomit I’m so nervous. #COMEONLUPITA Also worth nothing: that’s her brother with her and you should watch her interview with Fallon about how excited he was about her Oscar nom.

M: My heart is all fluttery. And that video was the cutest.

Best Supporting Actress:

Sally Hawkins,  Blue Jasmine  

Jennifer Lawrence,  American Hustle  

Lupita Nyong’o,  12 Years a Slave  

Julia Roberts,  August: Osage County  

June Squibb,  Nebraska

Molly’s pick: Lupita Nyong’o (is it even a question?)

Traci’s pick: Lupita Nyong’o (I just love her so much, but I also love JLaw so much. However I feel like Lupita’s performance deserves the Oscar – and her speech is for sure going to make me cry.)

Winner: Lupita Nyong’o

M: Lupita will never get to the stage because everyone wants to hug her.

T: I mean Liza went in for a hug. LIZA FRIGGIN MINELLI.

Also, I’m crying. Like I have multiple tissues around my person. I’m just so in awe of her.

M: I always get cold chills when I’m emotional and right now my hands feel like ice. It’s just – obviously that was a perfect performance. But also, we don’t have anyone like her in Hollywood. It’s like she’s an Audrey Hepburn in a world full of Tori Spellings.

T: YES. Best metaphor of the night.

M: OH, thank heavens. The pizza is here. I would 100% be the person to eat 3 slices — and drop 2 of them on my lap. This is why I cant go to nice things.

T: Can Ellen tweet pix of celebs eating said pizza? I refuse to believe Meryl straight up ate that with her white dress. Like I’m hoping she put a napkin bib on.

M: I know, they should have handed out those ponchos you get at Niagara falls. Or those sort of demeaning lobster bibs, at least.

Anna Kendrick and Gabourey Sidibe just came out to a orchestral version of Cups. They didn’t get any jokes, but maybe that’s for the best because Awards Show category introductions are not really funny. But  I bet their backstage banter was hilarious.

T: Okay now that Pink is going all Judy on us, I’m thinking Bette Midler is going to do the In Memoriam. Take a shot if she does ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’. Actually swig the whole bottle because you’re gonna need it to get through the song. Although Lady Gaga is there too…Slow acoustic version of Poker Face?

M: My nightmare funeral (like, of myself) would be Wind Beneath My Wings, followed by that stupid song about Eagle’s wings, followed probably by like waking up in my coffin but being unable to move or speak. Mostly the Wind Beneath My Wings part.


^the ONLY acceptable version of Wind Beneath My Wings^

Just so you know, I have no intention of being okay when Shirley Temple comes on the screen.

All right. Pink’s song ended and she never flipped around on circus wires. I feel cheated.

T: Whoa hello fringe on Jennifer Garner.

M: Yeah, I suppose I have to wait until tomorrow for some commentator to tell me whether I like it. She clearly wore that frock in anticipation of Gatsby winning the award.

Gatsby just won for production design. I was really excited for Gatsby but it didn’t get awesome reviews, so I’m glad it won a few Oscars. But as I said on the blog this week,  the production design of Her was awesome, too.

T: Agreed. I really liked the movie. The Great Gatsby was one of my fave required reading books in high school, and I thought Baz did a really good jobwith it.

M: YES. I got really annoyed when people made it sound like if you enjoyed the Luhrmann version of Gasby, it was because you needed the story to be modernized and didn’t understand the book. Ugh whatever. I went on a huge Lost Generation reading binge a while back, and I’m still waiting for the film adaptation of This Side of Paradise.

[#Nerds]

A local commercial just featured a woman karaoke-singing the song Umbrella, but changing it to mozzarella. I hoped it was a parody of a bad local commercial, but it was real. This is my real life now.

T: In Memorium: Wait, so no one’s going to sing during this?

M: This is the score from a movie. I’m pretty sure. But which one? [Update: It was Somewhere In Time, which I love in an unashamed schmaltzy romantic way.] And what’s the point of Bette Midler, now?

[Bette Midler, in all her glory, enters and begins caterwauling that song from Beaches]

T: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

M: STOPPPPPPPP.

T: I’M CRYING BECAUSE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT CAME TRUE *insert emoji with laughing/crying smiley face* Also props to Oscars producer for picking a really current song for this.

She just did wing motions. I expect a gif of this too. She’s giving so much drama. The gays are probably going insane rn. SHE IS WAVING GOODBYE. NO. Is anyone inthe audience actually crying? No. Because it felt too forced. Bye, gurl.

lit’rally got this gif from the Logo TV tumblr…

M: I don’t like this. I don’t LIKE it.

Screw this I want a giant screen of Shirley Temple and Bojangle dancing.

Next  year I want the outdated song choice to be “Everybody Hurts.” Just really sock everybody straight in their feelings.

T: Wait… did John Travolta just have a stroke? Did he say ‘EYE-dinah Mah-ZEEL’????

Uh, relatedly, Idina Menzel looks gorge. Maureen cleans up nicely.

Wait but i’m dying because everyone on twitter is writing different spellings of what they think they heard Mr. Scientology say. “Adelle Azeem’ ‘Adele Dazeem’ ‘Adele Dazi’ ‘Adilla Mizzine’ seriously crying laughing.

ALSO DID HE HAVE A STROKE THO? BECAUSE REMEMBER THAT NEWSCASTER WHO EVERYONE MADE FUN OF BECAUSE SHE SAID EVERYTHING WRONG AND IT TURNED OUT SHE ACTUALLY HAD A STROKE (oh she had a complex migraine)

M: Kind of disappointed she didn’t ask us to moo with her.

(Gorgeous, flawless singer, etc).

Adala Damzil? I believe we’re being what Xenu calls “suppressive persons.”

Best Original Score:

The Book Thief  

Gravity  

Her  

Philomena  

Saving Mr. Banks  

Molly’s pick: Her

Traci’s pick: Gravity

Winner: Gravity

Best Original Song:

Alone Yet Not Alone  (from  Alone Yet Not Alone )

Happy  (from  Despicable Me 2 )

Let It Go  (from  Frozen )

The Moon Song  (from  Her )

Ordinary Love  (from  Mandela: Long

Walk to Freedom )

Molly’s Pick: Let It Go

Traci’s Pick: Ordinary Love

Winner: Let It Go

T: Yooooo Robert Lopez just EGOT-ed!!!!! Like a guerrilla EGOT! I love it!

M: I LOVE these two. Wait.. those two have children with each other??

T: Haha yes! I originally thought they were siblings for some reason. Not the case.

M: I think I just assume that no straight man has skin that pretty until I get confirmation to the contrary.

Anyway, they’re cuties and I’m jealous of their kids. My parents’ version of making up songs inspired by me was inserting the name “Molly” in the place of words that rhyme with Molly. Or singing the songs they’d made up for my sister 8 years before because what’s the difference?

M: They couldn’t have done it without Udyll Nassim.

T: Now whenever I hear Penelope Cruz talk, I can’t help but think of Kate McKinnon’s impression of her in that fake Pantene commercial with Sofia Vergara on SNL.

Hey have you guys noticed that no one has been booted off the stage with music yet? I thought for sure they were going to do that with Jared earlier. Good choice, producers.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Before Midnight  – Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke

Captain Phillips  – Billy Ray

Philomena  – Steve Coogan, Jeff Pope

12 Years a Slave  – John Ridley

The Wolf of Wall Street  – Terence Winter

Molly’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Traci’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Winner: 12 Years A Slave

M: Every time Penelope Cruz says “screenplay” it sounds to me like she’ saying “screempling.”

T: Important: John Ridley used to be a writer on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Third Watch and Martin. ALSO he wrote Undercover Brother. Kids, you too can go on to win an Oscar if you have humble beginnings at a beloved 90s sitcom.

M: BEST trivia of the night re: Fresh Prince. That show was really well-written, though. Wonder what the writers of Hangin With Mr. Cooper are up to? Or Step By Step.

Best Original Screenplay:

American Hustle  – Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell

Blue Jasmine  – Woody Allen

Dallas Buyers Club  – Craig Borten &

Melisa Wallack

Her  – Spike Jonze

Nebraska  – Bob Nelson

Molly’s Pick: Her

Traci’s pick: American Hustle

Winner: Her

M: Spike Jonze never looks how I think he looks. (How I think he looks is Spike Lee).

T: Look at Lupita in her ‘Nairobi’ gown with her Oscar sitting on her lap. The best thing I’ve seen all day.

M: I just love her brother. I know we’ve said that but it bears repeating. I’m sort of lukewarm on Angelina Jolie, but it doesn’t get better than Sidney Poitier.

Best Director:

David O. Russell,  American Hustle  

Alfonso Cuaron,  Gravity  

Alexander Payne,  Nebraska  

Steve McQueen,  12 Years a Slave  

Martin Scorsese,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Molly’s Pick: David O. Russell

Traci’s Pick: Alfonso Cuaron

Winner: Alfonso Cuaron

T: Oh bless, Sidney P, but this is the Oscars. We’re already on a time crunch here.

Oh… hi Jonas Cuaron. HOLA SENOR. I could also listen to Alfonso speak all day. Molly can you translate what he said? I got ‘This is for you’ and ‘I love you’

M: Yes! So I understood everything (Look, I majored in Spanish and spent 5 months in Spain, it would be embarrassing if I didn’t) — yet I’ve already forgotten what he said.  That’s how long this show has gone on. I’ll find the video later and translate it for anyone who’s curious.

We all know Cuaron from Y Tu Mama Tambien, but one of my favorites is A Little Princess. I’m not even kidding. That film was gorgeous.

Best Actress:

Amy Adams,  American Hustle  

Cate Blanchett,  Blue Jasmine  

Sandra Bullock,  Gravity  

Judi Dench,  Philomena  

Meryl Streep,  August: Osage County  

Molly’s pick: Cate Blanchett

Traci’s pick: Cate Blanchett

Winner: Cate Blanchett

M: Did you see Blue Jasmine? I didn’t…

T: I saw Blue Jasmine – don’t. Cate Blanchett was lit’rally the best thing about the movie. There was no (good) plot. Also, I was worried for a second that Meryl was going to pull a surprise win. HashtagSuckIt.

M: Well, count me among those who didn’t know I loved Cate Blanchett, only to learn that I love Cate Blanchett. What a gem.

T: Unrelated: You know who’s the real winner of the Oscars? The pizza delivery guy from Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizzeria who had no idea he was going to be giving pies to Hollywood A-listers tonight.

M: Was he real or an actor? I need to find this out. Update: According to TMZ, he was real, but got stiffed on a tip. Again, that’s from TMZ.

Jennifer Lawrence – first of all, stunning, flawless etc. Second, I think I can see the line of her tanning goggles.

Best Actor:

Christian Bale,  American Hustle  

Bruce Dern,  Nebraska  

Leonardo DiCaprio,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Chiwetel Ejiofor,  12 Years a Slave  

Matthew McConaughey,  Dallas Buyers Club 

Molly’s pick: Matthew McConaughey

Traci’s pick: Ugh. I love you Leo, but Alright Alright Alright it’s McConaughey’s night.

Winner: Matthew McConaughey.

M: Also spending some time at the tanning booth lately: McConaughey.

Did anyone else notice that McConaughey started speaking with a Southern preacher’s cadence when he started talking about God?

T: GUYS – UPDATE: “Adele Dazeem” has its own Twitter account. INTERNET.

M: Awesome, so does Lupita’s headband.

T: Oh we’re back at the Church of McConaughey. He did this at the SAGs too. Did anyone else notice Camila Alves just kissed her mother-in-law’s hand and it was the most precious. I approve of this couple and this family. Another thing of note: JLaw making friends with the girl who accompanies the celebs on stage?

M: I was looking at that girl trying to figure out if I knew who she was!

M: Pastor Matt, my alarm goes off in five and a half hours.

Best Picture:

American Hustle  

Captain Phillips  

Dallas Buyers Club  

Gravity  

Her  

Nebraska  

Philomena  

12 Years a Slave  

The Wolf of Wall Street  

Molly’s Pick: 12 Years A Slave

Traci’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Winner: 12 Years A Slave

T: There was literally a timpani drum roll before Will said the winner. WAIT JOHN RIDLEY – WILL SMITH – FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR Y’ALL

But really, I’m so happy that 12 Years a Slave won.

M: Me too! Good work, Academy. There were a lot of great nominees this year, but 12 Years A Slave deserved it the most. Also how cute was that cast on stage?

T: Yes! The jumping up and down! They are sooo gonna rage tonight.

M: Cannot wait to see pictures from the parties.

OK, everyone, that’s it! It’s been a great … what is it now? 5 hours? Yeah. Good night, everyone!

What to Expect at the Academy Awards

There’s a joke that there are two seasons in Los Angeles: Pilot and Awards. And the past three months have been a constant fete for Hollywood’s biggest stars with everything from the Golden Globe Awards, to the Critics Choice Awards (and every city’s critics choice awards), to the Makeup and Hairstylists Guild Awards and it all culminates this Sunday with the big kahuna – the Academy Awards.

Preparations are already well underway for the big day, and I know this because I pass through the intersection of Hollywood and Highland to get to work and the traffic has already been building up since last week. I’m not complaining (but I am). Here’s a photo I took while impatiently waiting at the red light. At least Ellen’s face was looking down at me. That white tent at the bottom is the beginning of the red carpet, which is pretty cool. I swear I’m not jaded about living in LA.

Photo Feb 25, 11 47 09 PM

So while the organizers are getting ready on the ground, we can get ready  ourselves for the night by prepping via the internet, as you do. Here are some things to look out for come Sunday during the like, 10 hours of programming that will be on your television all day.

Jennifer Lawrence looking like a flawless human being

jlaw cf prem

One thing I can always count on when talking about Jennifer Lawrence is that 99% of the time someone says they want to be her best friend. We all know how much you want to be J Law’s BFF. We ALLLLL want to be J Law’s BFF. But another thing I can always count on is Jennifer’s impeccable style, namely her red carpet looks. And we have Dior to thank for that. She’s been the face of the French fashion house for years, and just a few days ago, they released these new ads with Jen looking stunning as always. So what will she wear this year? Hopefully something easy to walk in…

I have the printed out and at my desk at work…

Lupita Nyong’o looking like a flawless human being

The one person who has a chance to keep Jennifer in her seat Sunday night is this ethereal human being. In case you didn’t know, Lupita is the breakout star from 12 Years a Slave (can you believe this is the first movie she’s EVER made?!). And throughout awards season, she’s proven that she belongs on the Hollywood A-list. I mean when she showed up to the Golden Globes in that Ralph Lauren red cape ensemble … CAN YOU EVEN? I mean we couldn’t, because both Molly and I named her our fave Best Dressed this year. She is the one person I am most looking forward to seeing come out of the limo and onto the red carpet on Sunday. And not to mention, she’s in the running to becoming the world’s most wanted BFF in 2014. I’m just saying J Law is probs gonna take a long vacay and we need someone to fill in…

Ellen Getting Away With Jokes About Celebrities

Ellen is back for her second time hosting, y’all! And it’s quite a contrast to last year’s host. Yeah, I’ll let you think about that for a second, because who remembers who hosted the Oscars last year? No? Nothing? It was this guy:

The thing about Ellen that very few celebrities have is overall likability. Neil Patrick Harris has it. Meryl Streep has it. Tom Hanks has it. These are all people that are more likely to elicit an ‘I LOVE them’ than an ‘UGH. The WORST’ from the general public. It also helps that Ellen has a daytime TV show that people love being on and have an overall positive reaction to. The A-listers sitting in the audience have all been on her show so they already have a good rapport with her. Aka, she can get away with a lot more than someone like Seth MacFarlane ever could. Case in point, the last time she hosted in 2007, she vacuumed the carpet underneath Queen Meryl‘s feet. And made Steven Spielberg take a pic of her and Clint Eastwood for MYSPACE. No one thought this was weird. Seven years later, I’m assuming she’s more comfortable in front of an audience like the one at the Oscars, so it’s going to be even bigger and better.

Dancing. A lot of Dancing.

When you think Ellen DeGeneres, a few things may come to mind: funny, talk show, lesbian, dancing. The woman dances every day on her show, so obviously she’s going to do it for the Oscars, right? I mean she already teased it in the trailer, so one can only hope she shows off her skills during the main show. Or at least has people do it for her. In this trailer, there are a number of So You Think You Can Dance alumni, so I’m hoping there will be a bunch on stage too. Also, I’m a loyal SYTYCD fan, so if they are there on Sunday, expect me to fangirl over them during the live blog.

Mini-Grammys/Tonys

Like most years, the Best Original Song nominees all take the stage to perform their nominated songs. This year is no different. All four nominees, U2 (Mandela: A Long Walk to Freedom), Pharrell (Despicable Me 2), Karen O (Her) and Idina Menzel (Frozen) will be on hand to sing their respective songs, but I feel like it’s just more star-studded this year than usual. Plus Bette Middler AND Pink are performing, so expect some kind of aerial/scarf hanging down from ceiling type situation. Pink, not Bette. Although that would be amahzing. My guess is they’ll help out with the In Memoriam?

The Height of the McConaissance

Alright Alright Alright (expect him to say that and for everyone else to say it too). Matthew McConaughey has spent the past few years picking roles that isn’t just the lead that leans. He’s been ‘shedding’ his image from being a rom-com hero to a serious actor, and that’s how we got to Dallas Buyers Club. Folks have been calling this second phase of his life the ‘McConaissance’ and since he’s been winning almost all the awards he’s been up for as the HIV positive drug pusher,  all signs point to Oscar on Sunday – hence the apex of his reinvention. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

It could be Leo’s year and these memes will be irrelevant

Hey, remember all these memes about Leo not winning an Oscar all these years:

His role in The Wolf of Wall Street has been garnering juuusttt enough critical acclaim and awards this season that his odds to win a golden guy are better than ever. But let’s not jinx it. All I’ll say is if he DOES win, he better retroactively thank Kate Winslet in Titanic and announce his undying love for her.

Gravity vs. 12 Years a Slave

12 Years a Slave Gravity no edit

It’s a showdown between Sandra Bullock floating in space for two hours and the guy from Love Actually escaping from slavery all because Taran Killam duped him. Each movie has 10 nominations, including Best Picture. If we’re looking at the statistics (which we are because I’m a nerd and love stats), Gravity has won 130 out of the 229 noms it has received this awards season, while 12 Years a Slave has pretty much double that with 208 wins and  409 nominations. A couple weeks ago, the BAFTAs (the British Oscars) named Gravity the Best British Film while 12 Years won Best Film. The thing to note about this is that for the past 5 years, every movie that has won the BAFTA for Best Film has gone on to win the Oscar in the same category. Basically what I’m trying to say is 12 Years a Slave is going to win. Based on the facts above and my gut. Just call me Olivia Pope.

Now that you’re prepped for the Oscars, we’ll see you back here on Sunday for our Live Blog (and big redesign day)!!!!