Back To Titanic: A Kate And Leo Retrospective

Like so many of our generation, we have a never-ending love of the Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio friendship. Since the days when we didn’t have the internet at home and had to horde copies of magazines to get our Jack and Rose fix, they’ve always been either friendship or relationship goals. It started with the fun stories of behind-the-scenes antics on the set of Titanic, and Kate and Leo’s frequent awards show appearances only fueled the flames. Mercifully, since 1997 both of them have been consistently on the nominee or presenter block – unless one or the other was working, that is – so we’ve had plenty of mini-reunions to fawn over. Some of us actually ship them as a real life couple. Others think shipping real humans is creepy, but love the good-natured platonic friendship between two talented actors. Whatever it is, the Winslet-DiCaprio friendship is pure magic.

With no further ado .. are you ready to go back to Titanic?

1996


Behind the scenes: Titanic: in retrospect I realized why Kate hated that wig / hairpiece/ dye job situation.

Settle in, because Titanic was where it all started and I can’t get enough of these behind the scenes photos.

Kate is warming up from the chilly water tank; Leo is exhibiting the classic Hot Boy In The Mid-90s Haircut.

I will bet you anything that Kate and Leo are responsible for some of the first viral gifs in internet history, spreading rapidly across angelfire and geocities sites alike.

Okay, last one. Only because some of you may have slow-loading computers. I could do this all day.

1997

Tiny baby Leo talking about Little Kate:

Not to be outdone, Kate had some choice words about Leo:

1998

Golden Globes: it’s hard to believe these two seemed so grown-up to us at the time, because right here they look like a pair of (rich, elegant) babies.

Kate and Leo, out to wreck us since day 1.

Let’s watch that in action, why don’t we?

 

2000

Important news in 2000: Kate could still recognize Leo by his walk; she worried about him cavorting with the Pussy Posse; all is well in their friendship:

I saw Leo the other day. I was at a party for Quills. Me and Jim were leaning up against the bar and this posse of boys came in wearing masks and Halloween gear. I recognised him from the way he walked. He ripped his mask off. He hadn’t changed a bit. Of course, he’s famous, one of the most famous actors in the world. But he’s the same person and I’d been so worried about him. He still does care about everything he does. He hasn’t just become some bullshit film star 

2004

As one did in 2004, Leo reveals all on Oprah:

2005

SAG Awards: just two unusually talented and good-looking people expressing their friendship; nothing to see here.

2007

Golden Globes: back in 1998 US Weekly would have captioned this photo “They’ll never let go… of their friendship!” and I would have hung it up in my locker.

If Kate and Leo are living their whole Awards Season lives making up for Leo not attending the 1998 Academy Awards, I think that’s fine and appropriate.

 

On the set of Revolutionary Road. Or: if Rose and Jack had survived into mid-century.

2008

Revolutionary Road UK premiere: Kate and Leo reunite on screen, proving that fan service exists in real life, too.

U.S. premiere, Kate totally just made fun of James Cameron (I imagine).

Promoting Revolutionary Road. We’re all bigger now, Kate. Because of this friendship.

And in case you need the whole interview:

Too long; didn’t listen? Here’s what you need to know:

Well, I think I can speak for both of us: we have a lot more wrinkles. Don’t we, darling? I’m proud of him, though. I can’t say that you’re taller, because you were always tall. He’s a man now; look at him — he’s just bigger. Physically you aren’t that different; you’re just less puny. – Kate Winslet

She’s still as beautiful and radiant as the day I met her. She is the consummate professional; she keeps pushing herself to an emotional truth when she’s working. That’s why I keep saying she’s the best. – Leonardo DiCaprio

2009

Golden Globes: Leo reacting to Kate’s Revolutionary Road win – their long-awaited onscreen reunion. BE STILL MY HEART (OF THE OCEAN)

Wait, do you want to see Kate thank Leo? Of course you do!

 

Golden Globes: Kate and Leo after she wins for The Reader. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, she’s THAT talented. Damn, Kate. Damn.

 

Oscars: Leo wasn’t there but he’s here in Kate’s heart and her heart will go on and on.

Some situations are so delicate that I’d only trust Oprah with them:

2011

God bless Anna Wintour. From Kate’s Vogue Magazine profile:

He knows me better than anyone else in the world. Lots of male friendships begin as a cheeky snog. Or a little undercurrent of flirtation. But Leo and I? No. He’s my rock. I don’t know what the f–k I would have done if I hadn’t had him. – Kate Winslet

We literally grew up together. And in every major life event we’ve been there as a support mechanism for each other. – Leonardo DiCaprio

 

2012

Titanic was re-released in 3D; Kate kindly graced us with some fresh behind-the-scenes anecdotes:

2013

Leo FINALLY confronts the rumors plaguing him since 1997 (that Kate nicknamed him “Farty Leo,” which I don’t actually remember, which is surprising?):

She never says that to my face. She’s the greatest person. She’s so genuine. I love that girl. She has a brand-new baby and is in love.

Because Kate and Leo CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER (or, um, maybe it’s that we can’t stop asking?) Kate had this to say about Leo in 2013:

Leo has mastered this more than anyone I know. it’s not that he’s sort of brazen like, ‘I don’t give a fuck and I’m going to be rebellious and behave badly.’ It’s not that. It’s genuinely not caring what people think because he will not allow other people’s judgments to have any kind of impact on his life and who he is. and I have really admired that so much in him .

Also in 2013: the one thing that really softened the blow of Kate marrying a man who chose the surname Rocknroll — Leo walked her down the aisle. What does swooning feel like? Because I think I just did it.

2014

Theo or Leo? Considering we all know who Leo is and Theo is either a Huxtable or the name of a lot of babies lately, I think we all know the answer. And Kate doesn’t hesitate, either:

2016

Golden Globes: Number 1, how dare you.

More Golden Globes: I will go down with this ship.

And let’s not forget our own freak-out during our Golden Globes live blog after Leo’s name was announced for Best Actor:

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

 

SAG Awards: What are you trying to do to me here?

 

Oscars: how is it possible that they both look even BETTER 20 years after filming Titanic? And how is it possible that Titanic was filmed 20 years ago?

 

Oh, for goodness sake.

 

Kate. Also, all of us. (Also Ned Rocknroll, but we don’t have to get into that.)

Oscars: The culmination of 20 years of love (at least on our end, but probably for Kate, too).

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Live Blog: Academy Awards 2014

Howdy friends! Welcome to our newly redesigned site! Take a look around, some things have changed, but the content has not! And to prove this, we’ll be live blogging Hollywood’s biggest night starting 7pm EST/4pm PST, so watch this space for updates. As always, please refresh your browser window periodically to load our up-to-the-minute commentary. You can also follow us on Twitter for updates in 140 characters or less at @cookiessangria (a button linking directly to our Twitter is conveniently located in the sidebar, as well as our newly updated Facebook & Tumblr!).

In the meantime, enjoy this video of baby Ben Affleck and (a cummerbund-ed) Matt Damon accepting their first Oscar for Best Screenplay for one of the greatest movies of all time, Good Will Hunting. Look how far they’ve come…

Preshow

M: I just turned E!’s preshow on at 6:30. I’m wondering if I missed any really famous people. I did see either Kristen Chenowith or a very chipper child actress..

Chiwetel Ejiofor looks attractive in a suit; also has an attractive, well-dressed sister (a TV newswoman). Neither of these facts is surprising, but I’m delighted regardless.

Amy Adams apparently dressed “for herself” today, and it worked. Ummm… has anyone ever SEEN Amy Adams and Isla Fisher in the same place? Or Jessica Chastain, for that matter? The internet is all “whatever” about Amy Adams’ dress but I’m pretttty sure Amy Adams is all “whatever” about randos on the internet.

Idina Menzel: form-fitting Vera Wang, serious bling around her neck. A long way from Maureen Johnson performing Over The Moon in a cyber-cafe.

I think black dresses might be the thing tonight, because Olivia Wilde is wearing a gorgeous dark number, and somehow only looks pregnant from the side. Not to be outdone, Olivia Wide’s unborn baby is wearing Olivia Wilde.

LUPITA NYONG’O. Lupita Nyong’o is dressed as a flawlessly beautiful celestial ancient Greek sea-spirit-queen Cinderella. We’ll give more details as they become available, but suffice to say that she looks better than I could even imagine looking.

And although I cannot ever imagine looking like Lupita Nyong’o, I also have a bony chest – it looks like a damn xylophone – and I have SO much love for Lupita for rocking the plunging neckline that everybody tells you you can’t do.

So, the thing with Pharrell is that happiness would be my truth, too, if I were 40 years old but stopped physically aging at 20. He is wearing short-pants, like a small boy from yesteryear who hasn’t graduated to full pants yet. What I’m saying is that Pharrell is clearly  vampire from the past.

Anna Kendrick is wearing black with sheer cut-outs. I’m not explaining that very well. She’s one of the few people who can pull off looking smoldering and adorable at the same time. Smoldorable.

Speaking of smoldering and adorable all at once: June Squibb and Jared Leto. Leto is wearing a white suit and I’m not even mad. I mean I’ll voice my displeasure later, probably, but the man looks good.

I cannot get excited over Jessica Biel. I’m sorry.

Sarah Paulson is wearing Elie Saab – nude, high-necked, long-sleeved, beaded. And her hair is brown now! It looks great on her. She tells Ryan Seacrest that his eyes look super-green, and he says “colored contacts,” and y’all, I don’t think he’s joking.

Between all of these nude-netted dresses (looking at you, Blanchett) and the Winter Olympics, the company that makes that peachy flesh-colored material is having a real banner year.

EW says that Jennifer Lawrence fell again. If Jennifer Lawrence falls, and nobody’s there to report on it, did it even happen?

T: HI I’M SO IN THE MIDDLE OF WORKING RIGHT NOW BUT OMG JENNIFER LAWRENCE FALLING ON THE RED CARPET I’M DYING.

M: Is she really clumsy or do they just put her in ill-fitting or bad shoe all the time? FIND A BETTER COBBLER, LAWRENCE!!

T: I mean I think she’s just super clumsy. She seems like the type who would be clumsy. She literally was waving to fans and not looking where she was going and I think she tripped on the girl’s dress in front of her? Like slow-motion whilst laughing and a police officer had to help her up. I cannot with you, Katniss.

M: How long until there’s a gif of this moment? My money’s on it being available before the show starts.

T: You know Tumblr is on that shit right now.

M: How does anyone interview Christopher Walken without screaming “WHAT HAPPENED TO NATALIE WOOD?” is beyond me, but hey, that’s why I make a better lawyer than journalist.

M: I just slid the headband off of my head with dejection and more than a little disgust. Technically it was because my temples were hurting, but really because I shouldn’t even try to wear a headband while Lupita is.

So, I switched to the ABC preshow a while ago because the folks at E! were making like college football coaches after the game, just drawing circles on footage and stuff. And ABC just spent about 5 minutes showing us these college kids who, I guess, won a thing. Novel idea: cut that out, start the show at 8EST, and let the actors finish their darn speeches without practically dragging them offstage by one of those oversized vaudeville canes.

Jamie Foxx and Jamie Foxx’s daughter are making the case for some people just having really, really good genes. As in, I’ll never love anything as the two of them must love genetics.

The good part about watching preshows on both networks is getting to see Jared Leto twice. I find myself less interested in who made his suit and more interested in who makes his deep conditioner.

M: Lupita Nyong’o helped design her dress. Of course. Why do I get the feeling that she’d be that girl in fifth grade who joined the dance class you’d been in since kindergarten, and she’d advance to the level above you within like 2 months. You know, sort of able to do everything without even having to try?

Bill Murray just said that things that make him laugh include David Letterman, ESPN, and his kids. So, evidently Bill Murray has the exact same sense of humor as your uncle who lives in DesMoines and sells a lot of insurance.

Will Smith has an earring now. Or maybe he always did, who knows. As my mom told my brother when he was in third grade and wanted to get one ear pierced, “getting an earring won’t make you cool. It just makes you a person who has an earring.”

T: JLAW TRIPGATE2K14 UPDATE:

M: Sandra Bullock is wearing midnight blue Alexander McQueen and looks gorgeous. See, sometimes the best look isn’t a dress with weird sequins all over it or like … that is also a swan costume, or whatever. Simple dress, simple sideswept curls, absolutely perfect. Nobody named Sandy has ever looked that good. No offense to ladies named Sandy but I think you all know this already.

I just saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt chatting with Gabourey Sidibe. Man,that would be  fun convo. While we’re on the topic of JGL, figure skater Jason Brown looks 100% like an alternate universe version of how Third Rock-era Gordon-Levitt could have grown up.

The Oscars have started!

M: Ellen is here, and she is dressed like a very sparkly version of a tiny Victorian boy. So, another vampire. Honestly, just take the classic Blue Boy painting and put him in black, and you have Ellen’s outfit.

Little Lord Fauntleroy starts with a weather joke, so let’s all grab a Snapple and some Chex mix and settle in for a nice night of Middle America.

Ellen declared Jared Leto “the prettiest,” and she’s right. She also riffs on Jennifer Lawrence falling, and Lawrence exacts the best possible revenge: taking the joke nicely while looking almost disturbingly beautiful.

You know how I was talking about genetics earlier? Exhibit: Lupita Nyong’o’s brother. Lupita Nyongo’s… single brother, perhaps? I’ll research it during one of the commercials.

T: RACISM JOKES. THIS IS WHAT I WAS SAYING WHEN ELLEN CAN GET AWAY WITH ANY JOKE BECAUSE SHE’S ELLEN.

M: YES. Because when Ellen makes a joke, it’s like your own mom or aunt making a joke. But without the added baggage of 20+ years of history and issues.

T: Is Anne Hathaway trying to get nominated for an Oscar for presenting? Just because this is the first time you’ve been on stage since your disaster with Franco doesn’t mean you have to be all dramatic.

idk wtf this is but okay

M: Yeah, she was really leaning into that one. I swear God if Jared Leto doesn’t win it’ll be the most he’s disappointed me since Jordan Catalano wrote that song Red about a car instead of Angela Chase.

T: Speaking of disasters, I’m crying already.

M: I was going to ask how your eyes were doing. It’s a little dusty in here all of a sudden. ICYMI, Jared Leto thanked his mom and his brother … but, like, beautifully, and then dedicatd his award to the dreamers of the world, before calling attention to the AIDS epidemic. They let him speak until he was done, rather than cutting him off, because even the guy in charge of the music cues probably has a RAGING crush on Jared Leto right now.

Best Supporting Actor:

Barkhad Abdi,  Captain Phillips  

Bradley Cooper,  American Hustle  

Michael Fassbender,  12 Years a Slave  

Jonah Hill,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club  

Molly’s pick: Jared Leto

Traci’s pick: Jared Leto fun fact: he’s the OLDEST person in this category. Because he’s 42 YEARS OLD. I REPEAT: JORDAN CATALANO IS 42 YEARS OLD.

Molly: It quite literally felt like somebody pushed the air out of my chest when I read that. Jordan Catalano can’t be 42. Tino can, I guess.

Winner: Jared Leto

T: I’m gonna say it: I do not get Jim Carrey. I don’t think he’s funny. At all. #Oscars

M: Yeah. Whenever he does one of his bits I’m like “oh, so you’re going to move your face all weird again? That’s it?” And yeah, that was actually it.

T: WERK, KERRY. I just am so in awe of her. Basically get me in a room with like, Kerry, Lupita and Poehler, and I might actually die. My life would end.

T: I think Pharrell’s performance of Happy is the first time a singer has told the Oscars audience to ‘get up outta their seats’. Or Did Three Six Mafia do that when they won their Oscar for IT’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp?

M: You know, you might be right – I had thought they directed the crowd to put their hands in the air, but I believe it WAS ‘get up outta your seat.’

Well, Pharrell, I’m sold. After that, I DO feel like happiness is the truth. To recap: Pharrell wore his patented track jacket and Canadian mountie hat, and danced with our fake BFFs Lupita, Jennifer and Amy, backed up by adorable dancing people.

Naomi Watts is presenting the costume design award, looking a million times more beautiful than whatever bride is wearing the same dress as her this weekend.

Best Costume Design:

American Hustle  

The Grandmaster  

The Great Gatsby  

The Invisible Woman  

12 Years a Slave  

Molly’s pick: American Hustle… or Great Gatsby… what the heck is The Grandmaster???

Traci’s pick: The Great Gatsby, mainly because i loved all the Baz Luhrman-esque visuals in the movie, and because the costume designer is Catherine Martin (Baz’s wife) two-time Oscar winner and all around talented woman.

Winner: The Great Gatsby

M: YAYYY! I thought the winner was more likely to be American Hustle, but I wanted it to be Gatsby. I have a serious thing for 20s fashion. If any of you get a chance and haven’t seen it yet, check out the making of features on the DVD for more info about all that went into the costuming, especially for the party scenes.

Harrison Ford, I’m telling you the same thing I told Will Smith about pierced ears. However, is it just me or does he get more and more attractive with time? I mean, Harrison Ford could be drooling in a wheelchair at age 107 and I’d probably be like yeah… I’d hit it.

T: “Ladies and gentleman of Dolby Theatre, please give a warm welcome to Channing Tatum” why a particular warm welcome to Channing, Oscars announcer?

T: Oh yes, there is already a GIF of Lupita & Meryl dancing with Pharrell.

M: You know how they say you should draw a smiley face on a piece of paper and looking at it makes you smile even if you feel crummy? If not, now you do. Well,that gif really has the same effect.

Best Animated Feature Film

The Croods  

Despicable Me 2  

Ernest & Celestine  

Frozen  

The Wind Rises  

Molly’s pick: Frozen

Traci’s pick: Frozen

Winner: Frozen

T: I’m not lying when I say I have listened to Love is an Open Door & For the First Time in Forever on repeat, in my car at full blast – SINGING at full blast – down Hollywood and Highland where the Oscars are right now. I HAVE NO SHAME. I’M 28 YEARS OLD AND HAVE NO SHAME.

M: The Frozen soundtrack was somehow specially formulated to be THE perfect car singing experience. I think someone heard me singing in a parking lot a few days ago. Granted, it wasn’t Frozen, but it WAS Funky Cold Medina, so I am also shameless.

M: I missed the intro for this series of clips and now I’m grasping at what the common theme is. I was going to say movies about changes in America but then Bravehart came up. Is it “making a difference” or something?

T: WAIT GUYS. New OTP: JGL & EMWATS?? Uh if you’re not a ridiculous human being like me, I just said: ‘new favorite couple: Joseph Gordon Levitt and Emma Watson’. (Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks this) I’m gonna go relearn English.

M: Like the cursed eyes of an evil banshee, I feel like when JGL and EmWats are together I cannot look directly at them. To make them even more perfect, Emma speaks so beautifully with her RP accent that it sounds like she’s about to tell me to make a u-turn and take the next exit onto i-90.

T: They just played Good Morning, Baltimore when Zef walked on stage. What, no We’re All in This Together? Or Bet on It? Come onnnn Academy.

M: Karen O has positively not aged since the 90s. I forgot how much I loved this song in Her. Speaking of Her, it was the most oddly affecting film I’ve seen in a while. When Amy Adams said that line about how we’re only here briefly and so she wants to allow herself joy, I was like that’s it. I’m done.

M: Hey, short films. Come back when you’re regular-sized films. I don’t have time for this.

OH. Never mind. I’m an ass. The documentary about that woman who was the oldest Holocaust survivor and played the piano beautifully just won. I love her so much. She passed away last week and it’s sad she missed this but I’m sure she didn’t care too much about this award anyway.

OK, time to be a little less kind: Whoopi Goldberg what are you wearing? It looks like a white button-up with  black crop-top over it and a Duggar lady skirt.

Ellen just offered to buy pizza for the audience. The only women who raised their hands were pregnant.

In the span of about 5 seconds I saw John Stamos, Whoopi Goldberg and Calista Flockhart. Did we all time travel to 1997?

T: Uh does anyone else feel like the cameras are too close to the presenters? Pretty sure I saw up Bradley Cooper’s nose right now.

M: Oooh. Yes. This guy who just won – I could tell you more about his pores than I think his dermatologist could.

T: Oh goddddd. Darlene Love is singing as part of her speech. Didn’t someone else sing on stage recently?? Apparently Bill Murray loved it and stood up right away. Brad Pitt didn’t really want to stand up but he did against his will.

M: Best version of His Eye Is On The Sparrow? Still Lauryn Hill.

T: ^^ Co-sign.

T: Frank Underwood made an appearance at the Oscars and I legit stood up and clapped for Kevin Spacey. Okay, it’s also because I’ve been sitting down for too long, but I mean, the thought was there.

T: Ugh I still have residual Brad/Jen/Angelina animosity, but that was really cute when he kissed her after they showed her winning the Humanitarian award. I want so much to dislike you.

M: I remember a period in 2006 or so when my sister-in-law had a stack of US Weekly mags, and every single one had a split cover of Angelina and Jen, with one of them looking more or less menacing or unattractive based on what the story was about.

M: Brad Pitt clearly sprang for the BIG bottle of L.A. Looks before tonight’s show. As did most of U2, as it turns out.

M: A PSA to everybody over the age of 45: Just saying the word “selfie” or taking a selfie, isn’t a joke. Try harder. That massive group photo they took of half of Hollywood qualifies as trying hard enough.

T: I cannot. I CANNOT. Meryl just said, “OOOHH I’ve never tweeted before!” Retweeting that shit so much.

T: ALSO NEW NEW OTP: KBELL AND VINCE. Again for regular human beings: New favorite potential romance, Kristen Bell and Michael B. Jordan. Or I mean, Michael B. Jordan with me, really.

M: Unfortunately, Kristen Bell is already attached to Dax Shepard and Michael B. Jordan is already attached to me.

NOTE TO READERS: The above comments were written simultaneously. And while we’re the type of friends who never fight, we may have to come to blows over this one.

T: I’m not afraid to fight you, Dougherty. I am Unagi.

M: I’m fairly certain that if one of us will forfeit Vince and one of us will forfeit Riggins we can solve this amicably.

T: Fair enough. Fun with Friday Night Lights ‘romances that will never happen’

M: Goes without saying we couldn’t get through this without referencing FNL and Full House, so far. There will be more.

ICYMI: Gravity just won every technical type award there is because it’s  movie about outer space.

T: I’m about to vomit I’m so nervous. #COMEONLUPITA Also worth nothing: that’s her brother with her and you should watch her interview with Fallon about how excited he was about her Oscar nom.

M: My heart is all fluttery. And that video was the cutest.

Best Supporting Actress:

Sally Hawkins,  Blue Jasmine  

Jennifer Lawrence,  American Hustle  

Lupita Nyong’o,  12 Years a Slave  

Julia Roberts,  August: Osage County  

June Squibb,  Nebraska

Molly’s pick: Lupita Nyong’o (is it even a question?)

Traci’s pick: Lupita Nyong’o (I just love her so much, but I also love JLaw so much. However I feel like Lupita’s performance deserves the Oscar – and her speech is for sure going to make me cry.)

Winner: Lupita Nyong’o

M: Lupita will never get to the stage because everyone wants to hug her.

T: I mean Liza went in for a hug. LIZA FRIGGIN MINELLI.

Also, I’m crying. Like I have multiple tissues around my person. I’m just so in awe of her.

M: I always get cold chills when I’m emotional and right now my hands feel like ice. It’s just – obviously that was a perfect performance. But also, we don’t have anyone like her in Hollywood. It’s like she’s an Audrey Hepburn in a world full of Tori Spellings.

T: YES. Best metaphor of the night.

M: OH, thank heavens. The pizza is here. I would 100% be the person to eat 3 slices — and drop 2 of them on my lap. This is why I cant go to nice things.

T: Can Ellen tweet pix of celebs eating said pizza? I refuse to believe Meryl straight up ate that with her white dress. Like I’m hoping she put a napkin bib on.

M: I know, they should have handed out those ponchos you get at Niagara falls. Or those sort of demeaning lobster bibs, at least.

Anna Kendrick and Gabourey Sidibe just came out to a orchestral version of Cups. They didn’t get any jokes, but maybe that’s for the best because Awards Show category introductions are not really funny. But  I bet their backstage banter was hilarious.

T: Okay now that Pink is going all Judy on us, I’m thinking Bette Midler is going to do the In Memoriam. Take a shot if she does ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’. Actually swig the whole bottle because you’re gonna need it to get through the song. Although Lady Gaga is there too…Slow acoustic version of Poker Face?

M: My nightmare funeral (like, of myself) would be Wind Beneath My Wings, followed by that stupid song about Eagle’s wings, followed probably by like waking up in my coffin but being unable to move or speak. Mostly the Wind Beneath My Wings part.


^the ONLY acceptable version of Wind Beneath My Wings^

Just so you know, I have no intention of being okay when Shirley Temple comes on the screen.

All right. Pink’s song ended and she never flipped around on circus wires. I feel cheated.

T: Whoa hello fringe on Jennifer Garner.

M: Yeah, I suppose I have to wait until tomorrow for some commentator to tell me whether I like it. She clearly wore that frock in anticipation of Gatsby winning the award.

Gatsby just won for production design. I was really excited for Gatsby but it didn’t get awesome reviews, so I’m glad it won a few Oscars. But as I said on the blog this week,  the production design of Her was awesome, too.

T: Agreed. I really liked the movie. The Great Gatsby was one of my fave required reading books in high school, and I thought Baz did a really good jobwith it.

M: YES. I got really annoyed when people made it sound like if you enjoyed the Luhrmann version of Gasby, it was because you needed the story to be modernized and didn’t understand the book. Ugh whatever. I went on a huge Lost Generation reading binge a while back, and I’m still waiting for the film adaptation of This Side of Paradise.

[#Nerds]

A local commercial just featured a woman karaoke-singing the song Umbrella, but changing it to mozzarella. I hoped it was a parody of a bad local commercial, but it was real. This is my real life now.

T: In Memorium: Wait, so no one’s going to sing during this?

M: This is the score from a movie. I’m pretty sure. But which one? [Update: It was Somewhere In Time, which I love in an unashamed schmaltzy romantic way.] And what’s the point of Bette Midler, now?

[Bette Midler, in all her glory, enters and begins caterwauling that song from Beaches]

T: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

M: STOPPPPPPPP.

T: I’M CRYING BECAUSE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT CAME TRUE *insert emoji with laughing/crying smiley face* Also props to Oscars producer for picking a really current song for this.

She just did wing motions. I expect a gif of this too. She’s giving so much drama. The gays are probably going insane rn. SHE IS WAVING GOODBYE. NO. Is anyone inthe audience actually crying? No. Because it felt too forced. Bye, gurl.

lit’rally got this gif from the Logo TV tumblr…

M: I don’t like this. I don’t LIKE it.

Screw this I want a giant screen of Shirley Temple and Bojangle dancing.

Next  year I want the outdated song choice to be “Everybody Hurts.” Just really sock everybody straight in their feelings.

T: Wait… did John Travolta just have a stroke? Did he say ‘EYE-dinah Mah-ZEEL’????

Uh, relatedly, Idina Menzel looks gorge. Maureen cleans up nicely.

Wait but i’m dying because everyone on twitter is writing different spellings of what they think they heard Mr. Scientology say. “Adelle Azeem’ ‘Adele Dazeem’ ‘Adele Dazi’ ‘Adilla Mizzine’ seriously crying laughing.

ALSO DID HE HAVE A STROKE THO? BECAUSE REMEMBER THAT NEWSCASTER WHO EVERYONE MADE FUN OF BECAUSE SHE SAID EVERYTHING WRONG AND IT TURNED OUT SHE ACTUALLY HAD A STROKE (oh she had a complex migraine)

M: Kind of disappointed she didn’t ask us to moo with her.

(Gorgeous, flawless singer, etc).

Adala Damzil? I believe we’re being what Xenu calls “suppressive persons.”

Best Original Score:

The Book Thief  

Gravity  

Her  

Philomena  

Saving Mr. Banks  

Molly’s pick: Her

Traci’s pick: Gravity

Winner: Gravity

Best Original Song:

Alone Yet Not Alone  (from  Alone Yet Not Alone )

Happy  (from  Despicable Me 2 )

Let It Go  (from  Frozen )

The Moon Song  (from  Her )

Ordinary Love  (from  Mandela: Long

Walk to Freedom )

Molly’s Pick: Let It Go

Traci’s Pick: Ordinary Love

Winner: Let It Go

T: Yooooo Robert Lopez just EGOT-ed!!!!! Like a guerrilla EGOT! I love it!

M: I LOVE these two. Wait.. those two have children with each other??

T: Haha yes! I originally thought they were siblings for some reason. Not the case.

M: I think I just assume that no straight man has skin that pretty until I get confirmation to the contrary.

Anyway, they’re cuties and I’m jealous of their kids. My parents’ version of making up songs inspired by me was inserting the name “Molly” in the place of words that rhyme with Molly. Or singing the songs they’d made up for my sister 8 years before because what’s the difference?

M: They couldn’t have done it without Udyll Nassim.

T: Now whenever I hear Penelope Cruz talk, I can’t help but think of Kate McKinnon’s impression of her in that fake Pantene commercial with Sofia Vergara on SNL.

Hey have you guys noticed that no one has been booted off the stage with music yet? I thought for sure they were going to do that with Jared earlier. Good choice, producers.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Before Midnight  – Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke

Captain Phillips  – Billy Ray

Philomena  – Steve Coogan, Jeff Pope

12 Years a Slave  – John Ridley

The Wolf of Wall Street  – Terence Winter

Molly’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Traci’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Winner: 12 Years A Slave

M: Every time Penelope Cruz says “screenplay” it sounds to me like she’ saying “screempling.”

T: Important: John Ridley used to be a writer on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Third Watch and Martin. ALSO he wrote Undercover Brother. Kids, you too can go on to win an Oscar if you have humble beginnings at a beloved 90s sitcom.

M: BEST trivia of the night re: Fresh Prince. That show was really well-written, though. Wonder what the writers of Hangin With Mr. Cooper are up to? Or Step By Step.

Best Original Screenplay:

American Hustle  – Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell

Blue Jasmine  – Woody Allen

Dallas Buyers Club  – Craig Borten &

Melisa Wallack

Her  – Spike Jonze

Nebraska  – Bob Nelson

Molly’s Pick: Her

Traci’s pick: American Hustle

Winner: Her

M: Spike Jonze never looks how I think he looks. (How I think he looks is Spike Lee).

T: Look at Lupita in her ‘Nairobi’ gown with her Oscar sitting on her lap. The best thing I’ve seen all day.

M: I just love her brother. I know we’ve said that but it bears repeating. I’m sort of lukewarm on Angelina Jolie, but it doesn’t get better than Sidney Poitier.

Best Director:

David O. Russell,  American Hustle  

Alfonso Cuaron,  Gravity  

Alexander Payne,  Nebraska  

Steve McQueen,  12 Years a Slave  

Martin Scorsese,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Molly’s Pick: David O. Russell

Traci’s Pick: Alfonso Cuaron

Winner: Alfonso Cuaron

T: Oh bless, Sidney P, but this is the Oscars. We’re already on a time crunch here.

Oh… hi Jonas Cuaron. HOLA SENOR. I could also listen to Alfonso speak all day. Molly can you translate what he said? I got ‘This is for you’ and ‘I love you’

M: Yes! So I understood everything (Look, I majored in Spanish and spent 5 months in Spain, it would be embarrassing if I didn’t) — yet I’ve already forgotten what he said.  That’s how long this show has gone on. I’ll find the video later and translate it for anyone who’s curious.

We all know Cuaron from Y Tu Mama Tambien, but one of my favorites is A Little Princess. I’m not even kidding. That film was gorgeous.

Best Actress:

Amy Adams,  American Hustle  

Cate Blanchett,  Blue Jasmine  

Sandra Bullock,  Gravity  

Judi Dench,  Philomena  

Meryl Streep,  August: Osage County  

Molly’s pick: Cate Blanchett

Traci’s pick: Cate Blanchett

Winner: Cate Blanchett

M: Did you see Blue Jasmine? I didn’t…

T: I saw Blue Jasmine – don’t. Cate Blanchett was lit’rally the best thing about the movie. There was no (good) plot. Also, I was worried for a second that Meryl was going to pull a surprise win. HashtagSuckIt.

M: Well, count me among those who didn’t know I loved Cate Blanchett, only to learn that I love Cate Blanchett. What a gem.

T: Unrelated: You know who’s the real winner of the Oscars? The pizza delivery guy from Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizzeria who had no idea he was going to be giving pies to Hollywood A-listers tonight.

M: Was he real or an actor? I need to find this out. Update: According to TMZ, he was real, but got stiffed on a tip. Again, that’s from TMZ.

Jennifer Lawrence – first of all, stunning, flawless etc. Second, I think I can see the line of her tanning goggles.

Best Actor:

Christian Bale,  American Hustle  

Bruce Dern,  Nebraska  

Leonardo DiCaprio,  The Wolf of Wall Street  

Chiwetel Ejiofor,  12 Years a Slave  

Matthew McConaughey,  Dallas Buyers Club 

Molly’s pick: Matthew McConaughey

Traci’s pick: Ugh. I love you Leo, but Alright Alright Alright it’s McConaughey’s night.

Winner: Matthew McConaughey.

M: Also spending some time at the tanning booth lately: McConaughey.

Did anyone else notice that McConaughey started speaking with a Southern preacher’s cadence when he started talking about God?

T: GUYS – UPDATE: “Adele Dazeem” has its own Twitter account. INTERNET.

M: Awesome, so does Lupita’s headband.

T: Oh we’re back at the Church of McConaughey. He did this at the SAGs too. Did anyone else notice Camila Alves just kissed her mother-in-law’s hand and it was the most precious. I approve of this couple and this family. Another thing of note: JLaw making friends with the girl who accompanies the celebs on stage?

M: I was looking at that girl trying to figure out if I knew who she was!

M: Pastor Matt, my alarm goes off in five and a half hours.

Best Picture:

American Hustle  

Captain Phillips  

Dallas Buyers Club  

Gravity  

Her  

Nebraska  

Philomena  

12 Years a Slave  

The Wolf of Wall Street  

Molly’s Pick: 12 Years A Slave

Traci’s pick: 12 Years a Slave

Winner: 12 Years A Slave

T: There was literally a timpani drum roll before Will said the winner. WAIT JOHN RIDLEY – WILL SMITH – FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR Y’ALL

But really, I’m so happy that 12 Years a Slave won.

M: Me too! Good work, Academy. There were a lot of great nominees this year, but 12 Years A Slave deserved it the most. Also how cute was that cast on stage?

T: Yes! The jumping up and down! They are sooo gonna rage tonight.

M: Cannot wait to see pictures from the parties.

OK, everyone, that’s it! It’s been a great … what is it now? 5 hours? Yeah. Good night, everyone!

What to Expect at the Academy Awards

There’s a joke that there are two seasons in Los Angeles: Pilot and Awards. And the past three months have been a constant fete for Hollywood’s biggest stars with everything from the Golden Globe Awards, to the Critics Choice Awards (and every city’s critics choice awards), to the Makeup and Hairstylists Guild Awards and it all culminates this Sunday with the big kahuna – the Academy Awards.

Preparations are already well underway for the big day, and I know this because I pass through the intersection of Hollywood and Highland to get to work and the traffic has already been building up since last week. I’m not complaining (but I am). Here’s a photo I took while impatiently waiting at the red light. At least Ellen’s face was looking down at me. That white tent at the bottom is the beginning of the red carpet, which is pretty cool. I swear I’m not jaded about living in LA.

Photo Feb 25, 11 47 09 PM

So while the organizers are getting ready on the ground, we can get ready  ourselves for the night by prepping via the internet, as you do. Here are some things to look out for come Sunday during the like, 10 hours of programming that will be on your television all day.

Jennifer Lawrence looking like a flawless human being

jlaw cf prem

One thing I can always count on when talking about Jennifer Lawrence is that 99% of the time someone says they want to be her best friend. We all know how much you want to be J Law’s BFF. We ALLLLL want to be J Law’s BFF. But another thing I can always count on is Jennifer’s impeccable style, namely her red carpet looks. And we have Dior to thank for that. She’s been the face of the French fashion house for years, and just a few days ago, they released these new ads with Jen looking stunning as always. So what will she wear this year? Hopefully something easy to walk in…

I have the printed out and at my desk at work…

Lupita Nyong’o looking like a flawless human being

The one person who has a chance to keep Jennifer in her seat Sunday night is this ethereal human being. In case you didn’t know, Lupita is the breakout star from 12 Years a Slave (can you believe this is the first movie she’s EVER made?!). And throughout awards season, she’s proven that she belongs on the Hollywood A-list. I mean when she showed up to the Golden Globes in that Ralph Lauren red cape ensemble … CAN YOU EVEN? I mean we couldn’t, because both Molly and I named her our fave Best Dressed this year. She is the one person I am most looking forward to seeing come out of the limo and onto the red carpet on Sunday. And not to mention, she’s in the running to becoming the world’s most wanted BFF in 2014. I’m just saying J Law is probs gonna take a long vacay and we need someone to fill in…

Ellen Getting Away With Jokes About Celebrities

Ellen is back for her second time hosting, y’all! And it’s quite a contrast to last year’s host. Yeah, I’ll let you think about that for a second, because who remembers who hosted the Oscars last year? No? Nothing? It was this guy:

The thing about Ellen that very few celebrities have is overall likability. Neil Patrick Harris has it. Meryl Streep has it. Tom Hanks has it. These are all people that are more likely to elicit an ‘I LOVE them’ than an ‘UGH. The WORST’ from the general public. It also helps that Ellen has a daytime TV show that people love being on and have an overall positive reaction to. The A-listers sitting in the audience have all been on her show so they already have a good rapport with her. Aka, she can get away with a lot more than someone like Seth MacFarlane ever could. Case in point, the last time she hosted in 2007, she vacuumed the carpet underneath Queen Meryl‘s feet. And made Steven Spielberg take a pic of her and Clint Eastwood for MYSPACE. No one thought this was weird. Seven years later, I’m assuming she’s more comfortable in front of an audience like the one at the Oscars, so it’s going to be even bigger and better.

Dancing. A lot of Dancing.

When you think Ellen DeGeneres, a few things may come to mind: funny, talk show, lesbian, dancing. The woman dances every day on her show, so obviously she’s going to do it for the Oscars, right? I mean she already teased it in the trailer, so one can only hope she shows off her skills during the main show. Or at least has people do it for her. In this trailer, there are a number of So You Think You Can Dance alumni, so I’m hoping there will be a bunch on stage too. Also, I’m a loyal SYTYCD fan, so if they are there on Sunday, expect me to fangirl over them during the live blog.

Mini-Grammys/Tonys

Like most years, the Best Original Song nominees all take the stage to perform their nominated songs. This year is no different. All four nominees, U2 (Mandela: A Long Walk to Freedom), Pharrell (Despicable Me 2), Karen O (Her) and Idina Menzel (Frozen) will be on hand to sing their respective songs, but I feel like it’s just more star-studded this year than usual. Plus Bette Middler AND Pink are performing, so expect some kind of aerial/scarf hanging down from ceiling type situation. Pink, not Bette. Although that would be amahzing. My guess is they’ll help out with the In Memoriam?

The Height of the McConaissance

Alright Alright Alright (expect him to say that and for everyone else to say it too). Matthew McConaughey has spent the past few years picking roles that isn’t just the lead that leans. He’s been ‘shedding’ his image from being a rom-com hero to a serious actor, and that’s how we got to Dallas Buyers Club. Folks have been calling this second phase of his life the ‘McConaissance’ and since he’s been winning almost all the awards he’s been up for as the HIV positive drug pusher,  all signs point to Oscar on Sunday – hence the apex of his reinvention. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

It could be Leo’s year and these memes will be irrelevant

Hey, remember all these memes about Leo not winning an Oscar all these years:

His role in The Wolf of Wall Street has been garnering juuusttt enough critical acclaim and awards this season that his odds to win a golden guy are better than ever. But let’s not jinx it. All I’ll say is if he DOES win, he better retroactively thank Kate Winslet in Titanic and announce his undying love for her.

Gravity vs. 12 Years a Slave

12 Years a Slave Gravity no edit

It’s a showdown between Sandra Bullock floating in space for two hours and the guy from Love Actually escaping from slavery all because Taran Killam duped him. Each movie has 10 nominations, including Best Picture. If we’re looking at the statistics (which we are because I’m a nerd and love stats), Gravity has won 130 out of the 229 noms it has received this awards season, while 12 Years a Slave has pretty much double that with 208 wins and  409 nominations. A couple weeks ago, the BAFTAs (the British Oscars) named Gravity the Best British Film while 12 Years won Best Film. The thing to note about this is that for the past 5 years, every movie that has won the BAFTA for Best Film has gone on to win the Oscar in the same category. Basically what I’m trying to say is 12 Years a Slave is going to win. Based on the facts above and my gut. Just call me Olivia Pope.

Now that you’re prepped for the Oscars, we’ll see you back here on Sunday for our Live Blog (and big redesign day)!!!!