Tag Archives: Kanye West

5 Things You Missed At The VMAs

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Missed the VMAs yesterday? Don’t worry, because I got you covered. And it’s probably for the best because there was a good amount of people on the red carpet that I had absolutely NO IDEA who they were. I am old.

Also, before I go into the top moments from the show, can I just share something that’s annoyed me since I started watching this awards show back in the day? WHY is it called the VMAs – as in Video Music Awards? Shouldn’t it be MVAs – Music Video Awards?? Someone from MTV get back to me on that.

Anyways, the storied “VMAs” headed back to NYC and for the first time were held in Brooklyn at Barclay’s Center – aka the place where Jay Z’s basketball team plays. To me, MTV goes hand in hand with New York, probably because of the TRL days, so it’s great that the show was back in the Big Apple.

People are probably going to be talking about things that happened during the show, so here’s a breakdown of the things that went down on Sunday so you can talk to your 20-year-old co-worker/intern about what happened…

5) Amen! Hallelujah! Praise Yeezus

^click for video^

Kanye is on hand (without North or Kimmy K) to sing Blood on the Leaves. He starts off with a red light on his face as he raps into a mic, and then pans out to show just his shadow against this background, and it’s actually really great. Just him performing without all the extra shit. If anyone saw him on Kris Jenner’s show on Friday, he talked about how he went to art school, had three scholarships, and considers himself an artist above anything else. This performance just proved it.

4) Taylor Swift is still an asshat (see here)

So the very first award of the night is for Best Pop Video. Presenting is One Direction, and among the nominees is Selena Gomez. If you haven’t put it together yet, Selena is BFF with Taylor (hence them sitting next to each other) and Taylor used to “date” Harry in 1D (the most famous one with the brown shaggy hair). As 1D was talking, the cameras went to Taylor and Selena, and Taylor said this:

You first.

Selena incidentally won the award, and politely kissed Harry on the cheek.

Later, Taylor won the award for Best Female Video, and said this during her speech:

When winning Best Female Video, Taylor says, “I want to thank the person who inspired this song – who knows exactly who he is – because now I got one of these.”… CUT TO HARRY STYLES LOOKING AWKWARD.

TAYLOR YOU ARE 23 YEARS OLD. GET IT TOGETHER. Even Selena’s over your complaining – look at her face. You always make it look like you’re the victim, but here you are standing in front of the world practically bullying your ex-boyfriend. Just a simple ‘thank you’ would have been sufficient. The girl really needs to learn the art of letting go…

3) Lady Gaga out Gagas Gaga

Gaga opens the show and the very first sight you see of the MTV VMAs is this:

And then this:

 Okay Stefani, you look creepy even for Lady Gaga standards. You look like an extra on a kids’ daytime show like the Teletubbies or something. But if you’re not disturbing by that sort of thing, watch the whole performance.

Oddness aside, I appreciated the fact she kicked off her performance by singing without overproduced beats in the background and just showcasing her voice. But then she broke out into Applause. Through a series of quick on stage costume changes she kind of goes through her discography from Poker Face to Telephone and finally to Artpop. Also all her dancers look like Mike Myers’ Sprockets sketch from SNL.

PS: Another reason to love Gaga despite her odditties – when One Direction won for Song of the Summer, apparently people were booing, and she was not okay with it. She even told the boys themselves.

2) Miley Cyrus twerks with Robin Thicke

click on image for the performance that will damage your brain

First off Vanessa Bayer shows up with her Miley Cyrus impression and it’s the best thing to happen so far (you know, like 20 mintues in). If you wanted more Miley twerking besides that one video of her in a onesie, here it is. Miley’s been toting around this huge stuff bear Boo (like the one in the video), and now the entire stage is filled with bears. Miley breaks out into We Can’t Stop in her furry swimsuit and her mohawk pulled into tiny buns like Gwen Stefani during the Tragic Kingdom days.

Incidentally, this was at the VMAs in 1998

And then she sheds the furry thing off to reveal a bathing nude bikini akin to the girls in the Blurred Lines video, and she begins to twerk on Robin Thicke while they duet on his song. I am uncomfortable, mainly because Hannah Montana should be wearing more clothes and not humping a married man that maybe could be her dad. If Liam hasn’t broken up with her yet, he should now.

But really, the audience reactions were the best. And they were more or less the same.

if your eyes haven’t burned out yet…

Drake bobbin his head, but not being able to actually look at her out of longterm damage

Second hand embarrassment from 1D and high as a kite Rihanna barely understanding what’s happening and if Miley is stealing her moves

Jaden’s face is usually like that, but entirely appropriate for this occasion…

1) Justin Timberlake proves he’s meant to be a solo artist aka *NSYNC reunites

look into JT’s eyes & click the pic for video!

First off, my boy Jimmy Fallon is (fittingly) giving this award to JT. We start off in the lobby and it looks like a love lip dub – and ironically similar to the opening number Jimmy did at the Emmys a few years ago. Basically I just want a posse of dancers to follow me everywhere I go. He then goes into an epic medley of his greatest hits and it is amazing. I had the chance to go to the Legends of Summer tour at Fenway Park in Boston a couple weeks ago, and it was seriously the best concert I’ve ever been to. I think sometimes we forget that JT has so many hits until he sings them in succession and you end up knowing every single word to all his songs. That’s a legend right there. At the VMAs, he spent a minute or two cover a bunch of his hits, making each one seem like its own mini concert.

And then came *NSYNC. Too bad they couldn’t keep that a secret, because it would have been awesome to be surprised when these four other guys joined him on stage. But I get it – they wanted to make sure they got the *NSYNC fans to watch – slash any viewers they could get. Speaking as a Backstreet Boys fan, I even felt like they could’ve been up there longer. But as my friend Meghan (a *NSYNC fan) said, ‘Pretend you hadn’t seen BSB for 10 years. That 90 seconds was well worth it.’ So I suppose the 90 seconds was better than nothing. But at least they came out singing songs I actually liked (Gone, Girlfriend). Chris proved that he should’ve been training for this reunion since the day they broke up because boy needed to keep up with the rest of the group (also, apparently Chris’ trap door failed…). And what was with JC sneaking in a riff at the end? But since JT wasn’t done, the four others went back on their platforms, and slowly descended back down into the pit of being in Justin Timberlake’s shadow.

JT continues his 20 minute medley and the cameras keep showing Taylor Swift singing and dancing in the audience. Okay, so at the Grammys and the CMAs (or country like awards show) they kept doing the same thing and showed TSwift awkwardly dancing. THIS IS A FORMAL PETITION TO START BANNING HER FROM DANCING AT ALL AWARDS SHOWS. NAY, THIS IS A PETITION TO STOP ALL PRODUCERS OF AWARDS SHOWS FROM SHOWING HER IN THE AUDIENCE EVER. I WANT TO SEE AS MUCH JT AS POSSIBLE. GOOD DAY SIR.

Finally it comes to an end and Jim Jam comes back on the stage hyped as ever and legit going to lose his voice from pumping up JT so much. Worth it. Bros ❤ JT is as humble as ever, even thanks his boys of *NSYNC for being the reason why he was up there in the first place. “I don’t deserve this ward but i’m not gonna give it back” Fair.

Honorable Mentions

 – Macklemore and Ryan Lewis promote equality with Mary Lambert and Jennifer Hudson. Those harmonies between the ladies tho.

– Katy Perry roars under the Brooklyn Bridge. NGL, I love that song. I felt like I could wrestle a lion after that.

– A collective ‘Who da fuck is that??’ from all the millennials who were tuning in to see the *NSYNC reunion.

Live Blog: Yeezus First Listen

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Alright, y’all. I’m not a music critic by any means. I think if you know me and/or keep track of my choices for our monthly playlists, my music interests are questionable at best. So I thought it might be fun to live blog my first experience of listening to Kanye West’s newest album, Yeezus.

I’ve heard a few of the tracks before, but not the album in its entirety, so we’ll see how this goes. For the record, I’m more of a The College Dropout, Late Registration, Graduation – even My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy type fan, so it should be interesting to hear this new EDM type direction he’s going. Leggoooo-

On Sight

I already feel like I’m about to play Lazer Tag. Midway through the song there’s a chorus of children randomly singing, and I’m surprisingly okay with it.

Fave Lyric:

Chopped em both down
Don’t judge ’em Joe Brown
One last announcement
No sports bra, lets keep it bouncin

Black Skinhead

Is this a sample of Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson? (Answer is yes) I actually really like this jungle/tribal feel going on. He’s feeling exceptionally angry towards the end saying, ‘GOD’. About to go into battle with the haters, perhaps?

Fave Lyric:

I keep it 300, like the Romans
300 bitches, where’s the trojans?

I Am A God

Ugh, lyrics of this song are why people hate you, Kanye. It’s why I find you annoying, but like you because you make good music. It’s frustrating. It also sounds like a continuation of him being chased after or going into battle in Black Skinhead.

Fave Lyric:

Hurry up with my damn croissants

(fave lyric ever in the history of music. It also reminds me of the greatest quote from Veep!)

New Slaves

This track is scarily simplistic with it’s beats, but Ye’s raps more than make up for it. Again with the randomly breaking it with a slow jam. Except this time it lasts more than 10 seconds and goes until the end of the song. I like it.

Fave Lyric:

You see it’s leaders and there’s followers
But I’d rather be a dick than a swallower

I’m about to wild the fuck out
I’m going Bobby Boucher

Hold My Liquor

Oh hey Bon Iver! I feel like if I was suddenly kidnapped, blindfolded and sedated, I would wake up in a room with no windows, all black walls, with this song blasting in the speakers. It already sounds like someone who’s high (or drunk, if you will) so the disorientation from the kidnapping makes complete sense. I don’t know what this says about me (or Kanye), but I clearly need some psychological evaluations done. Either way – this is track may be one of my faves, especially with the instrumentals at the end. Again, what is wrong with me? Anyone?

Fave Lyric:

One cold night in October
Pussy had me floating
Feel like Deepak Chopra
Pussy had me dead
Might call 2Pac over

I’m In It

Whoa this is strangely hot… and then the reggae came chimes in. He sounds like Shaggy almost? Guys what happened to Shaggy if this isn’t him?? Oh lawd the sound after he says, ‘Then she came like…’ HAHAHA was that supposed to be hilarious, or was that just me?

Fave Lyric:

Uh, my mind move like a Tron bike
Uh, pop a wheelie on the Zeitgeist
Uh, I’m finna start a new movement
Uh, being led by the drums
Uh, I’m a rap-lic priest
Uh, getting head by the nuns

Blood on the Leaves

808s and Heartbreak autotune? I mean, okay. Is this an Amy Winehouse sample? No, it’s Nina Simone. Sorry, Nina Simone. Conveniently I found this list of all of the samples Ye used in the record. I feel like there’s something missing in the instrumentals… and I also feel like this song is 1 minute too long. Maybe because it’s 6 MINUTES.

Fave Lyric:
She Instagram herself like #BadBitchAlert He Instagram his watch like #MadRichAlert

Guilt Trip

Again with the auto tune? And like video game sounds now? I feel like I’m on some kind of creepy haunted carnival ride, specifically a carousel, more specifically, the one that Nick and Jessica ride in the Where You Are video.

Fave Lyric:
She lookin’ for her daddy, call me Big Poppa
On to the next saga
Focus on the future and let the crew knock her
Star Wars fur, yeah I’m rockin’ Chewbacca

Send It Up

Ok, I’m like a little scared of this song, but strangely turned on a little? Is that weird? Does that say a lot about me? Forget I said anything.

Fave Lyric:
She say “Can you get my friends in the club?”
I say “Can you get my Benz in the club?”
If not, treat your friends like my Benz
Park they ass outside ’til the evening end

Bound 2

Yes. Motown type samps in the beginning? Count me in. I think this might be my fave song? If not second fave? It’s a great song to end the record with.

Fave Lyric:
Rock Forever 21 but just turned thirty

Overall:

My greatest takeaway from this album is that I don’t understand half of what Kanye’s talking about. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m not as hip as I used to be or Ye’s not making sense or a combination of both. I feel like he’s gotten angrier as the years go on, and I’m not a fan of that. It’s no College Dropout, but decent none the less.

Playlist of the Month: Summer Jams

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

Well folks, we’re well into the summer season now, and the sun is showing itself a little more often than it was a couple months ago. School’s out (which I’m assuming doesn’t effect most of our readers, but you can still feel the freedom in the air), the dresses and sandals come out from the closet, and eating ice cream and fro-yo everyday is more acceptable than in the winter months.

So to celebrate the season, here are our favorite jams for this summer. No ‘Call Me Maybe’, but a few good picks for 2013.

Enjoy the entire playlist on Spotify!

Traci’s Picks

We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus

I have no shame in saying I love Miley. She doesn’t give a fuck, and that’s why I appreciate her. Do I think the music video for this song is appropriate for her younger fans? Not really. But do I think she did it because she can and she looks good while twerkin’? Yes. It’s her party she can do what she wants.

Blurred Lines – Robin Thicke ft T.I. and Pharrell

This song should come with no explanation. Sex.

Disclosure – Latch

I first heard this song on a recent episode of So You Think You Can Dance, and ever since I found out what the song was, I haven’t stopped listening to it. Like it will end and I will immediately play it again. Plus nothing says summer like SYTYCD.

The Way – Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller

Don’t know who Ariana Grande is? She’s a Nickelodeon starlet who’s 19, but has a lot of tween fans. Sound familiar? She’s still in her innocent phase, but boy does she have a great range.

Cruise – Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly

Need a song to play while you’re driving through the country? Here’s your jam.

Miss Movin On – Fifth Harmony

I’ve mentioned Fifth Harmony here before, and again, no shame in liking them. They’ve come such a long way since they were thrown together on The X Factor, and this is the perfect first single for the girls to release as a hopeful summer hit (and their acoustic version is balls to the wall amazing). I have big hopes for these gals!

Molly’s picks

Q.U.E.E.N. – Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu

As soon as I heard that Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu were collaborating I was like “okay, then, that’s my new favorite song.” Like, before I even heard it, because how could you go wrong? And let me tell you, I was not disappointed. I will say, though, that this one’s a grower. The first time I heard it I was like yeah, it’s pretty good. Then by listen 4 or so I was all, this jam is my JAM.

Get Lucky – Daft Punk feat. Pharrell

First of all, who would have thought this would be the summer of Pharrell’s comeback as a featured artist? Second, I have plenty of fond memories of dancing to One More Time, and there’s always room for more Daft Punk. Third, it’s only the first day of summer, but I can already tell you that no Summer 2013 playlist would be complete without Get Lucky and Blurred Lines.

Gun – Chvrches

Once you get over the thing of like, “wait, I just pronounce it “churches, right?” this is pretty great.

Diane Young – Vampire Weekend

Ezra. EZRA. Nice work. Love the old-school rock vibe they have going on here. I feel like I’m going to get a malt and watch a drag race. My knowledge of the 50s is mostly based on Grease.

Cocoa Butter Kisses – Chance The Rapper

First time I heard Chance the Rapper, I was like what the hell is this Adam Sandler-impression-sounding guy even doing? But I’ve come around, and Acid Rap is def one of THE mixtapes of the summer.

If you want to add a chill jam to the list, I suggest Wakin On A Pretty Day by Kurt Vile. If your summer needs more Kanye, well, primarily I recommend listening to 2005-era Ye because that’s the BEST. But I’m seriously feeling Black Skinhead this summer too.

The Kimye Pregnancy – A Retrospective

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Over the past weeks, months, and — has it been years? — we’ve grown accustomed to the Kim Kardashian/ Kanye West pregnancy. It sort of seemed like it would always be here, you know? I mean it seemed like it would never END. But it’s over now, and maybe you’re starting to feel a little lost. Whose pregnancy couture will I judge now? Not Kate Middleton’s, because they’re putting her away until the baby comes. Whose baby names will I bet on? Again, not Kate Middleton’s, because there are like 10 acceptable Royal British Baby Names.

The only thing to do, then, is to look back at the fond memories. Grab a nice cup of tea, queue up some sentimental music (I suggest Bookends by Simon and Garfunkel), and remember the gestation that was.

Early December:

  • Kim Kardashian slams pregnancy rumors as “absolutely not true”.
  • Kim and Kanye are “just friends,” and she’s ostensibly involved with Gabriel Aubry.

Later December:

  • Kim Kardashian confirms pregnancy rumors as “absolutely true.”
  • The internet sees a spike in “I’mma let you finish” jokes — highest since 2009.

Winter-ish:

  • Kim and Kanye start to be sighted in public, looking like a couple who went to prom together because neither of them had dates yet.

Winter of my discontent:

  • Kim starts sporting “maternity fashions.” All of them are actually worse than the shirt my mom wore during all 4 of her pregnancies, a red number that read “I’m Not Fat, I’m Pregnant.” I want one of those, but only to wear when I’m looking a little fat, just to mess with people a bit.

The Longest Spring Ever:

  • Kim Kardashian keeps being pregnant. Forever. Never NOT pregnant. Also, Keeping Up With The Kardashians begins airing episodes that feature the pregnancy, because if there’s anything worse than going to the doctor, it’s going to the doctor with Kanye West’s fetus and Kim Kardashian.

May:

  • The invite to Kim’s baby shower is leaked (read: is released by Kris Kardashian). It looks like a prop from an episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark. When you’re asleep, the tiny Kardashian ballerina escapes, dances into your ear, films your insides, and licenses the footage to E!.
  • Rumor has it that the music box plays “Mama,” a very sweet song by Kanye. Is that really the most apt Kanye tune though? I like picturing Kanye staring into the music box, shell-sh0cked, as it chirps “18 years, 18 years, she got one of your kids, got you for 18 years…”.

June:

  • Kanye West cheating stories begin to surface. Kim laughs them off, but I bet it’s that kind of laughing where you’re also a little sad. And also no sound is coming out. Plus there are tears in your eyes. And your nose starts running.

Crying. She was probably crying.

  • While we’re talking about the Kanye West of it all, Amber Rose is pregnant, too! You may be familiar with Amber Rose from her previous work, standing near Kanye West at industry events and being photographed at basketball games.

    That help? The father is Wiz Khalifa, who I just found out is younger than me. Ugh. Can’t stand people who are younger than me.

FINALLY:

    • The pregnancy comes to a close. Kim has a baby girl. Twitter explodes into a million pieces. They don’t release the name right away because they HATE US and don’t want us to be happy.
    • Despite this being the longest gestation ever, the baby was somehow actually born early, most likely to coincide with the release of Yeezy’s new album. It’s nice to have everything drop the same week, you know?
    • Rumor has it the baby is named Kaidence Donda. I for-real almost called Cadence but spelled weird as the name. Donda, I’ll give you, because that’s Kanye’s late mom’s name. But Kaidence though? I can’t wait to see her compete in Little Miss Southern Arkansas Glitz Supreme in 2017 or so, because that is straight-up Toddlers and Tiaras business. Who knows – Media Takeout is almost always wrong, anyway.

Wait, no. Nope. Just kidding. North West is the name. Suddenly, my parents’ naming philosophy (“let the 8-year-old decide”) isn’t so bad. It’s a better tactic than “things your great-uncle would find funny,” anyway.

Funny. Now the name Kaidence sounds almost classy and beautiful. Well done, Kardashian-Wests. I suppose.

I hope the retrospective hasn’t made you miss the Kardashian pregnancy too much already. Whenever it gets tough, just remember — we haven’t lost a celebrity pregnancy, we’ve gained a celebrity baby.

Playlist of the Month: College Party Jams

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When we think about March, we think about March Madness, St. Patrick’s Day, and spring break. And you know what all of those things have in common? College parties! Those days, there were certain songs that would come on at the bar or a party, and everyone would stop what they were doing and start singing and dancing. The kind of jams that made everyone say “that’s my jam!” Here are our top party jams from our college days:

And check out the whole playlist on Spotify!

Traci’s Picks

Sound of Settling – Death Cab for Cutie

I’d like to preface these song choices by saying I went to a liberal arts college. Like the kind of college where the Princeton Review ranks it in the top 5 for best theatre, most LGBT friendly, hipster types. Emphasis on the latter. Our school is notorious for the amount of hipsters and their love for indie bands. In saying this, my teenybopper self was influenced by my indie music-leaning friends. During my semester studying abroad in the Netherlands, a few of my pals were looking into traveling to Barcelona, Spain for a Death Cab concert. I admit I wasn’t really a fan of theirs, but I knew a few songs, and thought it would be cool to see an American band play in Europe. So we went, and it was awesome, and this song became one of our anthems throughout the semester.

La Vie Boheme – Rent

Again, we went to a theater school. Sophomore year, my friends and I went to see the Rent movie, and it was a big deal. Like everyone had an opinion on it. Needless to say, Rent is the Titanic of the theater world, as in everyone has seen it and/or knows the music. There were many a night when La Vie Boheme would come on and I wasn’t the only one who knew all the words.

Forgot About Dre – Dr. Dre and Eminem

Speaking of knowing all the words, I kill at this. Like, I will sing it at karaoke (as seen in a previous post). But my friends and I (specifically my friend Ryan) would each take a part and throw it down. How can you not get hype with the first few beats of this song?

Leavin’ – Jesse McCartney

Our school has a ‘study abroad’ program in Los Angeles, which two of my BFFs took part in. So spring break senior year, I visited them out here for the week, and this music video had just come out. We got so obsessed with it that we played it on repeat throughout the duration of my visit.

DSC00671

playing jmac in sync

Folgers Theme Song

Um this sounds like a really weird pick, but there was a period of time Sophomore year that we got hooked on this jingle and played it all the time. All. The. Time. Plus, it’s sung by Rockapella, the official a cappella group of the 90s.

Molly’s Picks

Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

This is part of a larger category of classic rock anthems that every generation of college kids seems to adopt. Other picks in this vein include Jesse’s Girl, Centerfold, Roxanne, Small Town, Paradise City, Can’t Fight This Feeling… if it was included on the As Sold On TV Cd “Monster Ballads” in the 90s, or was by a one-word 70s/80s band like Journey or Foreigner, you played it, you loved it, and everyone, from freshmen to elderly townies, sang along.

All These Things I’ve Done – The Killers

I should probably clarify that I was in college from 2004 – 2008. Our college dance bar, which a friend-of-a-friend described as “going into a closet with 30 other people, turning the music way up, then shooting yourself in the foot” (read: it was awesome), used to play this towards the end of every night. I don’t know why. It was usually right before “These Are The Days” by Natalie Merchant, which two different sororities warred over as “their” theme song. I can’t explain what makes this such a great party song, but it’s really fun to sing and dance along to.

One More Time – Daft Punk

I need to blow my cover here. Before I was the well-educated and classy lady I am today (ha, just kidding…) I lived in a college party house. It probably deserves its own post. If nobody in our group of friends had announced a party for the night, then it was at our house. My roomies were four unusually funny and beautiful ladies who had a beer pong room, a bar that we built ourselves, and a pretty decent stereo. One More Time was almost always on our playlist, because it got everyone doing ridiculous dance moves that are named for household chores (mowing the lawn, putting away laundry, sweeping the floor…).

Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too – Say Anything

Our party mixes were a weird assortment of oldies/classic rock, current top 40 hits, filthy hip-hop, and whatever indie stuff we were into at the time. I was lucky to have friends who loved finding new bands and music, so there were always fresh additions to our playlists. My college crew was especially into any song that was horrifically dirty, particularly if you could illustrate it with disgusting interpretive dance moves. This one – and many others by Say Anything, like Every Man Has A Molly (which everyone always sang at me) and Alive With The Glory Of Love- fit the bill. I have fond memories of singing this really loud on our street on the way to the bar, with my sincerest apologies to the “real people” who lived next door to us.  The songs have nothing to do with each other, but on one of our mixes this was right before Jude Law And A Semester Abroad by Brand New, which was always fun to sing tauntingly to whomever had a significant other abroad that semester.

School Spirit – Kanye West

I needed just one song to illustrate my college-aged love for hip hop, and this was the most collegiate. Kanye factored heavily into our playlists and power hours, and I still feel like dancing when Gold Digger comes on. Another favorite was The Gray Album, a mashup of Jay-Z’s The Black Album and the Beatles’ white album.

Playlist of the Month: Songs for Single People

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Welcome to the inaugural Playlist of the Month post! Every month, we’ll present to you some jams that go along with a common theme, but are also top-notch tunes. This month, in honor of everyone’s favorite (least favorite) holiday, Valentine’s Day, we present to you our top songs for single people on this, the day of love.

PS: If you want to listen to all these songs, check out the playlist on Spotify HERE!!! Enjoy 🙂

Traci’s Picks

Me, Myself, and I – Beyonce

Queen Bey has a knack for those independent women songs (see: Independent Women Part 2), and this is no exception. If you’re just getting out of a relationship or just plain old single, B reminds us that a lot of times in life, the only person you can rely and trust on is you.

I realized I got Me myself and I, That’s all I got in the end, that’s what I found out.  And it ain’t no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on I’m gonna be my own best friend.

The More Boys I Meet – Carrie Underwood

I actually used to hate this song, because it’s a typical country, tractors and beer type of storytelling song. But the more I listened to it, the more I liked it, and appreciated it for its sheer ridiculousness and earnest lyrics. Well of course you’re going to meet your fair share of useless men, so find companionship elsewhere.

It’s not like I’m not trying, cause I’ll give anyone a shot once… And I close my eyes, and I kiss that frog. Each time finding the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.

Desire – Ryan Adams

For those looking for a good wallowing song, sorry about your life, but here’s a tune to help you out. If you want a real “kick you in the gut – forever alone – crying into your extra large glass of wine” song, this is the one for you.

You know me. You don’t mind waiting. You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying, that you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me, that you run and never tire.

Some Things Never Seem to Fucking Work – Solange

We fall in love, we fall out of love, and some things are never meant to be. My motto has always been, everything happens for a reason, because I really like cliches (not really, I’m just a victim to believing it to be true). But Solange puts it best in a very blatant way. Not everything can go your way. Deal, move on, find something better.

I’m thinking of some time off. I’m dreaming of a time that you knew me. So maybe then we’re better off So maybe if it’s all you wanted it. Leave me alone. Some things never seem to fucking work.

Fuck You – Lily Allen

Pretty sure this is self explanatory.

Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much. Cause your words don’t translate, and it’s getting quite late, so please don’t stay in touch.

Molly’s Picks

Marriage Is For Old Folks – Nina Simone

I have married friends and relatives who are (a) not old folks and (b) very happy, but you know what? If they’re allowed to spend all of today talking about how happy they are with their lives, we’re allowed to discuss how happy we are not to be married right now, too. Also, couples get all of the jazzy, old-timey songs today, so here’s one for the rest of us.

Marriage is for old folks/ Cold folks, not for me/ One married he, one married she/ Whaddya got? Two people watchin’ TV

My Life – Billy Joel

I love Billy Joel as much as Billy Joel loves crashing his car into private residences, which he must like a lot because he did it like three times. This is a classic, late-70s, ‘I’ll do what I want and don’t even try to tell me what to do’ anthem (in Billy’s case, what he wants to do is marry much younger women and engage in some reckless driving. Don’t judge).

I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life, Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

Runaway – Kanye West

The theme of most Valentines-y songs is “I’m so wonderful, you’re so wonderful, let’s be so wonderful together!” But what if you’re not wonderful? And what if you’re single because you think nobody should have to put up with you? Yeezy addresses this sentiment.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags/ Let’s have a toast for the assholes, Let’s have a toast for the scumbags,/ Every one of them that I know/ Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs/ That’ll never take work off/ Baby, I got a plan/ Run away fast as you can

A Cause des Garcons – Yelle

Every once in a while, my inner 12-year-old isn’t above listening to a good, old-fashioned, ‘boys suck’-themed pop tune. Particularly when it’s a French electropop cover of an ’80s novelty song.

À cause des garçons !/ On met des bas nylon/ On se crêpe le chignon/ À cause des garçons !/ Et du “qu’en dira-t-on”/ On pleure sur tous les tons/ À cause des garçons !

I’m Good I’m Gone – Lykke Li

Lykke Li brought us the messy bun on the tippy-top of her head long before anyone was doing that. As an aside, I had my hair like that at work and everyone treated me very gently, as though I might be hungover. Anyway, this song is all about leaving your haters and unsupportive gentleman friends in the dust, because you’re a hard worker on your way up in the world.

If you say I aim too high from down below, Well, say you’re not ’cause when I’m gone, You’ll be callin’ but I won’t be at the phone