You Can Throw That Away: Childhood Items My Mom is Hoarding

My mom recently called me to ask if she could give my Disney’s The Lion King comforter to my cousin.

Two things about this inquiry:

A) I don’t live at home anymore, haven’t lived there since 2006.

B) I am 27 years old. This was something I used when I was approx 10 years old.

C) I have a queen bed. This is for a twin.

D) This is what it looks like (more or less)

 

Here’s the thing – I suppose it was nice of her to ask if I still needed it, but… really? Oh, forgot to mention my cousin, who she wants to hand it down to, is about 17 years old. I found this picture on eBay, so she should probs just sell it there instead. I mean she should do that, but she won’t because my parents still use AOL.

Anyways, it boggles my mind to think that my mom would think I could use this any time soon. Perhaps she asked for sentimental value purposes, but honestly I forgot it existed and if I wanted it, I would’ve taken it to fit my bed by now.

To paint you a picture, my bedroom back at home has been relatively untouched since I lived there, which means it hasn’t been redecorated since I was in high school. There is a library of VHS tapes, Backstreet Boys memorabilia, photos of my friends from my youth, and pictures of my favorite celebs ripped out of Teen People magazine.

So as you can imagine, this isn’t the first time my mom has asked if I was still going to use childhood items. Here are a few notable others:

Beauty and the Beast comforter

Apparently I was really into keeping warm with the entire Disney family

Notebooks from High School

Never going to use those Chemistry notes. Didn’t understand it then, won’t understand it now.

VHS Rewinder

Kids, long before DVDs, we had these ‘tape’ things that usually required another machine in order to start the movie from the beginning.

Stamp/embossing collection

Okay, in all fairness, thanks to my recent history working at an invitation/stationery store, as well as interest in crafting, this might be useful. Except I haven’t used those items since circa 1995, so better that it goes to someone who can use it. In related news, I was a dork.

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Things My Mom Has Said To Her 26-Year-Old Daughter

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. These were all things told to me during a recent trip home.

– “What do you remember from your childhood?”

All of it? A specific time frame? A particular event you care about? Give me something.

– “Do Mormons celebrate Christmas?”

This question posed while we’re watching the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing Christmas songs on their Christmas Eve TV Special.

– “Traci doesn’t know how to dunk bread into coffee.”

Loose Filipino/Tagalog translation

– “Did Jennifer get married?” Me: “Jennifer Who?” Mom: “Jennifer Aniston.”

Ok, in her defense, a picture of her face flashed across the movie screen, but I’m not on a first name basis with the woman.

– “Is Sarah pregnant yet?”

Sarah is Molls’ and my good friend who got married 2 years ago, but no one should ever ask this question about anybody. 

– As we’re passing by the lingerie section in Kohl’s: “Do you need to buy panties?”

UGHHH. This is clearly self explanatory.

– “Were you scared?”

Re: my flight being delayed in deplaning because the jetbridge was malfunctioning so they had to tow us to the next gate over. My answer was obviously no, because it wasn’t the first time I’d ever been on a plane. You know what I was scared of? The two children and three adults in a 5ft radius of me that sneezed and coughed the entirety of my 6 hour flight. It was like the world’s worst game of Minesweeper.

Bonus Dad statements:

– “What do you eat for breakfast?” Me: IDK, eggs, toast, bagels… Him, incredulously: “Do you make it??”

– While on the phone with my aunt/his sister: “He was wearing flip flops… like ‘beach walk’.

WHAT. Again, loose Filipino/Tagalog translation.

Forwards From my Parents’ AOL Account

My mom still forwards e-mails. She also doesn’t understand GIFs.

Fwd: Mindmessers

—@aol.com

HUH?

Lita

From:–@aol.com
Subj: Mindmessers

This will mess with your mind for sure

MINDMESSERS

Pretty Cool

Don’t ask me! I don’t know how it’s done!!