I’m having a real Jessie Spano moment right now: I’m so excited, but I’m also so scared. Tonight, Carrie Underwood will be starring as Maria in The Sound of Music Live!, and like life itself, it has the potential to be either so wonderful or so very, very awful.
So, as we do with all televised events that hold the potential for disaster, we’ll be posting a Cookies + Sangria live blog! Come back tonight at 8:00 EST – it’ll be just like watching The Sound of Music with your friend who really loves cheesy musicals but also can’t help but make fun of things. We’ll see you then!
A Few Ground Rules:
With our current WordPress setup, we can’t have our comments show up in real time, so we will be periodically updating the page — probably during commercial breaks. Please refresh the page to see new comments!
We really like musicals, so if you do, too, you’re in a safe place. And if you don’t … well, let me tell you a little story. When I was a kid, and the Bills were in the Super Bowl (you can stop laughing… I’ll wait…) a neighbor brought his friend to our house – a friend who was rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. It wasn’t pretty. The whole thing culminated in my dad standing up and shouting “You’re in MY HOUSE and when you’re in MY HOUSE you do things MY WAY!” So, just be advised that you’re in our (blog) house, and it’s a house that likes a good Rodgers & Hammerstein. Also, that I come from a line of people who throw adult temper tantrums, apparently.
You can sing along! We can’t hear you, anyway. But extra points if you say the phrase “sound of music” in the style of Chandler Bing:
0:02 AUDRA. When we were discussing this on email, Traci mentioned how nervous she was that Carrie Underwood would slip up (because we love Carrie Underwood). Basically, we want Audra to take all of the parts – just, really Orphan Black it. In the alternative, Tatiana Maslany’s probably up to the task.
0:03 While we do looove musicals, listening to a bunch of nuns sing church songs wasn’t that (read: any) fun back in Catholic school, and it isn’t fun now. Let’s solve that problem like Maria already.
0:04 WOW. Anyone else really thrown off by Carrie Underwood singing in a musical theater voice? She doesn’t sound bad, it’s just kind of throaty. I just hope throaty doesn’t turn … Kermit-y. Hate when that happens.
0:06 Is Maria a postulate or a French maid? Because with this costume, I’m not so sure…
0:08: All of these “problems” with Maria would just be “adorkable” qualities in modern sitcoms. Manic Pixie Dream Postulate?
0:08: T: “Maria, Maria RRRrrrainer” oh my GOD, could you BE any more from Oklahoma?
0:09 Just so we’re clear, all of these nuns are straight-up describing girl crushes on Maria. It’s Carrie Underwood, so I understand, but I guess it just goes to show that some of those nun rumors were true?
0:11 Nope, the phrase “on my knees all night” never doesn’t sound dirty.
Also, Underwood’s stilted musical theater dialogue delivery reminds me of every bad musical I was ever in. And also kind of that Vanessa Bayer character:
The “Star of Tomorrow”? Anyone?
0:13 Carrie’s kind of bringing it with Favorite Things, though. But just when the blocking starts to feel really high school musical-y, Audra’s here to save the day.
0:18 Sorry for the pause but there was a lot of ACTING going on there. When I was a kid, and really into acting, I remember going to my sister’s high school plays and wondering why everyone said their LINES like THIS! Then I learned that they mostly couldn’t act. That’s what this production is sounding like so far.
However — this part of the movie was always really boring to me, too. I have high hopes and I bet Underwood will have great chemistry with the kids and with Stephen Moyer’s cheekbones.
Commercial Break: If you were wondering, here is Carrie Underwood as Maria von Trapp:
And HERE is Swiss Miss, of cocoa packaging fame:
It’s just not the same without Julie Andrews’ Dorothy Hammill haircut.
0:28 Let’s hear it for this soundstage! Or whatever they’re filming this on. I’m serious. It’s great now that they’re indoors. Those mountains and trees were a little depressing. It looked like that one Full House episode when they take a donkey up a mountain.
0:29 There were so many pauses in dialog that I thought someone had forgotten a line.
0:31 Freidrich is kind of adorable? The older girls are coiffed like those dead Romanov princesses:
Once upon a December…
0:35 This has always bothered me about Do-Re-Mi. What sort of dumb-dumb would think teaching a kid how to sing with nonsense syllables is really the best way? Brigitta knows what I’m talkin’ about.
0:37 I don’t care what that one bratty girl says, I think the shirtdress is really working for Underwood.
0:37 T: Carrie needs to practice running while singing more. Breath control is real, y’all.
0:38 Whoever was in charge of the outdoor backdrop clearly blew up the image that’s your great-aunt’s screensaver on her PC. Props to the lighting person, though. Maybe we should get him/her out there to do some acting.
0:39 I cannot with this cheery happy family they have in this ad. We’ve already talked about how the Duggars and Quiver-fillers are secretly creepy, remember.
0:43 Sometimes weird things that are just… not right make me want to throw up. I know it sounds odd, but for instance, there’s this one crosswalk where I get off of my bus, and pressing the button does NOTHING to make the light turn faster. There’s this one guy who presses it constantly, for minutes on end, til it turns. It makes me want to vomit. It’s like he’s trying so hard but is doing a terrible job.
Anyway. That’s how I feel about this outdoor set.
0:45 The way I get through Sixteen Going On Seventeen is pretending that the entire song is totally tongue-in-cheek from both characters’ perspectives.
0:46 Where the gazebo at though?
0:48 A teenaged boy wearing short-pants/hosen in a musical is only hot in Spring Awakening
0:49 DO IT ON THE HILL RIGHT THERE ON THE HILL
0:50 No just kidding nobody’s doing anything on the hill because (a) this isn’t Spring Awakening and (b) Liesl just sang an entire song disavowing her sexual agency
0:51 Why is Maria wearing Felicity Merriman’s nightclothes?
0:54 I think they’re about to launch into My Favorite Things and will somebody please explain me why that’s a Christmas song now? Is it because they say presents that ONE TIME? Because I also get presents at birthdays and graduations and stuff but nobody sings me My Favorite Things then.
0:56 Nope. Lonely Goatherd. Underwood is the least wooden I’ve seen her so far! She actually seems really natural here.
0:57 Ahh the little girl’s yodel-voice is the cutest! Gretl? Brigitta? Tiny, looks like Kirsten Larson? Not sorry for the American Girls Collection references.
Commercial Break: I should mention that Traci might be popping in, but she isn’t here tonight because, well first of all it’s 6pm where she is and she’s working, but also she’s seeing Jimmy Fallon tonight because she lives in LA where that can happen. I live in Rochester, where sometimes your car doesn’t start because it’s cold.
1:04 Stephen Moyer why do you always look like you have to poop really badly?
1:06 Anyone else fill in “damn hell ass kings!” anytime somebody says the phrase “live like a king?”
1:07 We’ve talked about bitchy resting face and how sometimes that is just how your face is, and I think that maybe is the thing with Moyer? See?
1:09 Millionaires with dreams make the WORST musical characters. Yeah, I see you, Daddy Warbucks.
1:13 Guys if I tried to wear a curtain dress I’d be wearing naked because I’m too broke for curtains right now.
1:15 Oh, Frau Schrader. You look like a straight-up fraulein with that sassy hair do.
1:16 I FIGURED IT OUT. Moyer is doing Joey Tribbiani’s patented “Smell the fart acting.”
1:24 See, I usually think they just do dance breaks like this in musical theatre when they’re changing the sets or an actor has a costume change. I don’t know why they’re doing it now.
1:26 There are so many whimsical braided hairdos in this movie that I feel like it was filmed inside of a hipster girl’s tumblr.
1:28 Do you think Maria’s friends are ever all “girl, do you have to wear a dirndl EVERY DAMN DAY!”?
1:31 Maria’s mad that she’s getting moved off of the kids’ table? Kids’ table is the best. I get it.
1:32 The little girl who’s not Brigitta or Gretl (…I’m blanking) is giving off some serious young Dakota Fanning vibes.
1:33 I love So Long, Farewell. If any of you have ever studied abroad, you’ve found two things: (1) that kids speaking foreign languages are ADORABLE, and (2) you know, yourself, probably.
1:35 Related sidenote: my 3-yr-old nephew says goodnight in a bunch of languages, but he always does guten nacht in an angry German scream-voice. It’s precious.
Commercial Break: Did Jewel get her teeth fixed? And isn’t it so weird when you see people outside of their usual context, like your high school teachers at the mall or Jewel in … not 1997?
1:40 T: Hey guys – Traci here! sorry I’ve been absent – I’m still at work and legit avoiding it right now to do this, so I mean, I’m a star employee. I don’t watch True Blood, but just knowing that he’s a vampire and now playing captain von Trapp is disturbing. wait, he’s a vampire right?(M: Clearly neither of us watches True Blood. Also I’ll add a T before Traci’s posts so you guys can like… picture this, or whatever)
1: 43 T: Fun Fact: I’ve seen Carrie in concert 4 times in concert and i cry every time. EVERY TIME. watching her sing Sound of Music is no different. She’s just that good, folks. She’s just that good.
Fun Fact #2: I played an Asian Sister Margaretta in my church’s production of SoM in like 2001 (honestly can’t remember what year it was). Playing an Asian Sister Margaretta is surprisingly the same as playing White Sister Margaretta. I imagine Audra had this same thought.
1:44 Oh Maria, to ask for the Captain’s heart would be wrong but you can totally come on to Liesl? Yeah, I saw. We all saw.
1:47 It’s like Audra’s face is acting double-time to make up for all of the other non-acting in this production
1:48 T: Also, it’s worth nothing that apparently NBC execs decide to cast former actors from their cancelled shows in live TV musicals. RIP Go On.
Commercial Break: T:
Christian Borle was totally channeling Tim Curry’s Rooster from Annie:
Commercial Break throwback commentary: T: AHH I forgot about how can love survive. It’s finally beginning to feel like a true musical with Christian and Laura. Although that sound you hear is a bunch of SoM movie fans switching the channel to the X Factor because they don’t recognize this song. JK… No one’s switching to X Factor.
1:53 T: Re the first Lonely Goatherd: Umm how comfy does that bed look right now? #things27yearoldsstillatworksaywhilewatchingsoundofmusiclive
1:56 So, I just IMDB’d the kids, and one of them is named Peyton Ella. That’s like, clearly a made-up name, right? It sounds like my/every professional adult’s name on Facebook, because you don’t want your boss to find you. Peyton Ella, you can use your last name. Your future bosses probably aren’t watching.
1:57 T: Per the SoM behind the scenes special I watched by accident last week, the girl who plays Liesl is a junior in college studying like art and some foreign language as a minor… Basically not theater. this is how you do it, kids.
M: “Accidentally?” Girl… okay.
1:59 T: I’ve always wondered why these folks have British accents despite the fact they live in Austria. Am I missing something here?
2:00 T: WAIT. Did Carrie just come back (forward?) from the 1960s? Like did she come in from the set of Catch Me if You Can??
M: As reader Christopher just noted, it looks like polyester.
Commercial Break: T: Also, It’s 7:00pm here, which is the time I usually watch #Scandal at work because I’m a freak and like to live tweet and also watch Parenthood at 10pm PST (because I’m insane).. ANYWAYS – I’’m skipping Scandal to watch Carrie’s bad acting/excellent singing. The struggle is real. M: I KNOW. Shit’s getting real this week. AND I’m manning Twitter. I’m doing this for you, Underwood.
2:06M: You know, if you lived in a world where you’d never seen Sound of Music, and therefore didn’t just accept it as normal, would it seem really really weird that everyone’s all “La la la, goatherds! Do Re Mi, Curtain Dresses!” AND THEN THE NAZIS COME?!
… and the fine folks behind Sound of Music are just all:
2:10 T: WERK LAURA BENANTI. WERK. She looks perfect!!!
2:11 M: There’s no reason to dislike Frau Schrader EXACTLY, but auf wiedersehen!
2:15 M: Now we’re setting up the mother Abbess and BRIGITTA?
2:16 T: For the record, Something Good is my favorite song from this show. I feel like it’s often overlooked and Carrie does a beautiful job with it. Julie would be proud.
2:16 M: Agreed! It’s so pretty and Carrie sounds great. But why does she look like Alice in Wonderland…? This wig is killing me.
2:17 T: WHOA. WHOA. WAS THERE TONGUE IN THAT KISS?? THIS IS TELEVISION THERE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TONGUE. I’M OFFENDED (unless there wasn’t tongue, in which case, kudos for making it look real and uncomfy)
2:19 M: This wedding dress looks like it was made either in a high school home ec class (or whatever fake-sounding thing they call home ec now), or in a 10-minute challenge on Project Runway where they had to use table cloths.
2:25 M: Oh no… when you hear “1938” and “new flag” within a minute, you know shit’s getting bad. By the way, that Nazi was wearing a red geometric-patterned tie that looked like my dad’s work clothes in the early 90s.
2:28 T: Huh. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Nazi on live TV. Refreshing? Nah.
2:29 T: I’m pretty sure Carrie just broke the 4th wall. This isn’t American Idol.
2:31: M: Oh God. “Love isn’t love until you give it away” sounds like a terrible abstinence-only education slogan. Or, like… maybe the opposite of that? Also, the real adventure begins when you belong to your husband? I’m clearly more of a millennial/ feminist/ curmudgeon than Rodgers & Hammerstein could have possibly envisioned in their audience…
I’m shocked too, Li. I’m shocked too.
2:37 M: SING THE NAZIS AWAY. Why didn’t the allied forces ever think of that?
2:38 T: Oh, so the Nazi stadium is where they’ve been hiding the live audience this entire time!!
2:43 M: Eidelweiss is reminding me that I once read this blog where these American parents were living in like Austria or Germany, and they had to petition the government to name their daughter Eidelweiss. So, I mean, I’m sure your daughter will really appreciate how you stuck it to the man so that you could name her Eidelweiss.
2:43 M: How much did NBC spend on this wig that’s making Underwood look like a live-action, adult version of the Sleeping Beauty cartoon?
2:43 M: Silly Nazis. The von Traps are halfway across the Alps by now. In their… you know… leiderhosen. I hope they brought warm clothes.
2:55 M: Yep, crouching down behind fountains is always the BEST WAY to hide from Nazis.
2:57 M: When I was in second grade, I thought it would be fun to be a nun because they got to live with all of their friends. Obviously I just wanted to live in a dorm eventually, and then die alone and unmarried. But anyway, the SoM nuns DO make it look kind of fun.
2:58 There are leaves on the trees and it’s snowing. Although… again, Rochester here. My hair freezes if I go outside at the wrong time.
2:59 The most animated I’ve seen everyone is in the rehearsal footage they showed over the credits. The heck?
3:00 Our friend Tori, via Facebook: “I love Carrie Underwood but that girl is just a single threat.”
Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for tuning in! I will say that as much as we snarked on it, I still do love a good musical. And, say what I will about her acting, Carrie Underwood has a great voice. And, I tended to forget that they were doing the WHOLE THING LIVE , which is impressive.
Will it replace the movie? No, never. But as a weeknight novelty watch, I had fun watching – and blogging. Hope you all liked reading along, too!
Thanksgiving is our day. Our blog is named after a snack and an alcoholic beverage, need I say more? However, everyone who’s had to correlate the cook times and temperatures of 10 different dishes, and schedule dinner around football games and children’s naps, knows that as much as Thanksgiving is about food, it’s also about multi-tasking. Oh, and gratitude.
So, why not multitask during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade by getting your drink on? Responsibly, of course – feel free to use water instead and stop when you should stop.
I’m also including a parallel Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Exercise Game (Lose Before Chews?). Use that option if you are saving your stomach space for food (that’s me!), want to work off dinner in advance, or aren’t much of a day drinker.
* This list is from 2013, so we’ve added a few 2014-specific additions as well!
One Sip/ One Set* of Jumping Jacks if you see…
Matt Lauer, and he has an obvious disdain for his cohost
Marching band from the midwest
Balloon or float featuring a cartoon character you’ve never heard of
One of the members of KISS sticking his tongue out
A float or balloon of one of your childhood favorites that’s been gone so long that it’s cool again (example: My Little Pony; Carebears)
Two Sips/ One Set of Burpees if you see…
Matt Lauer, and the cohost has an obvious disdain for him
One of the flag girls having an obvious screw-up
One of the hosts or performers wearing an impractical but lovely white coat, a la Olivia Pope
Carrie Underwood singing something from The Sound of Music (shameless plug: we’ll be liveblogging the performance on December 5! (of 2013 – oh, what a night it was!))
Anyone from the cast of Peter Pan performing (yes, we’ll be liveblogging that too, and yes, you can upgrade a Sound Of Music performance to a “chug” scenario, because that already happened.)
Sandra Lee making something that’s technically gross but seems sort of delicious
A celebrity with his or her bored-looking teenager or tween
Mo’ne Davis, and you cry a little bit (she’s inspirational! it’s okay!)
The hosts refer to bad parade weather in the distant past (>25 years ago)
Pilgrims in buckle hats
ALL of the members of KISS sticking their tongues out
One Gulp/ 30-second plank if you see…
A Broadway performance featuring enthusiastic child actors
A clearly tangled or deflated balloon
A performance by an irrelevant musician (peak fame greater than or equal to four years ago)
A British star even though they don’t even do Thanksgiving JEEZ.
A Canadian star even though they already had Thanksgiving JEEZ.
Two gulps/ One Set of Pushups if…
You get interrupted by someone saying “hey, can you come in here and help with…”
You have to explain to a child or teenager what KISS/ Gene Simmons is all about (actually, if you’re doing the exercise version you can skip the pushups- you’ve already had a mental workout!)
Well folks, we’re about a month into the new fall season and unfortunately, a few shows have already gotten the axe (See ya Lucky 7. You were DOA).
But there’s one show that luckily hasn’t received the same fate and that is Trophy Wife. While it has been picked up for additional scripts (yay!) I’m writing this in hopes that more people will watch to keep it alive for at least a whole season (and obviously more!).
“A reformed party girl finds herself an insta-family after falling in love with a man with 3 manipulative children and two judgmental ex-wives”
Clearly since the show is only a few episodes in, this plot description holds true, but I feel like as time goes on, it will feel more like a Modern Family-esque show that is a sitcom at its core, but still has a lot of heart – that may or may not make you shed a tear by the end of the episode.
The above chart is really what you need to know in terms of relationships, it’s pretty simple.
5 Reasons to Watch
5) The Ex-Wives
Academy Award winner Marcia Gay Harden plays ex-wife number one, Diane. She’s a doctor, which means she’s totally type A personality and can be the bitch of the group when need be. She’s protective of her two teen kids, so much so that she did a little ‘light catfishing’ in order to keep track of them.
Ex-SNL performer Michaela Watkins plays Jackie, ex-wife #2. Completely different than Diane, Jackie is a total granola, hippie, Whole Foods going lady. Put the two of them together and you’ll see why Pete decided to marry Kate after being with these two.
4) The Writing & Brains behind the show
The show was created by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins. Emily comes from Shondaland – Private Practice to be more accurate – and Sarah is a comedian who loosely based the lead character of Kate around her own life. She married someone who is almost 20 years her senior (and the stepson of Julie Andrews!?), and also had to learn how to co-parent his nine and 19 year old kids. You can tell that there’s an honesty on the show that’s not pretentious or stereotypical, especially when it comes to Kate.
Not to mention, a few of my favorite former The Office writers are producers/scribes on the show, including Danny Chun, Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg. Okay, writer nerd ends here.
3) The Kids (read: BERT)
The teens from wife #1, Warren and Hillary are played by accomplished actors, who have been in This is 40 (Melissa McCarthy’s kid) and Disney Channel hit Wizards of Waverly Place (she played ‘Maxine’ aka Max in girl form). Luckily Bailee comes into the show with fans already – she was on WoWP after all – and they do a great job of being kids without looking like they’re acting.
But listen, one of the greatest parts of this show is Bert. Played by Albert Tsai (his name is like an 85 year old Chinese man who does Tai Chi in the park), Bert is the adopted son of Pete and Jackie. And good LORD is he hilarious. Not only are his lines to die, but his delivery is spot on.
2) Bradley Whitford
I may have been a few years late, but I am still a West Wing fan. Well, If we’re talking Brad, I was a fan of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip prior to his excellent work on TWW, so basically, I’m just a Bradley Whitford fan in general.
As Josh Lyman, he played a suited-up Deputy Chief of Staff (who made us swoon with his will they/won’t they with Donna), in Studio 60 he played a suited-up co-executive producer of a SNL like show (who made us swoon with his unconditional love for Jordan), and in Trophy Wife he plays a suited-up lawyer (who makes us swoon. period).
BDubs handles the role effortlessly, and doesn’t play Pete as someone we dislike for marrying a former party girl way younger than him. He plays the perfect role – a dad.
^Taken from that same ‘Catfishing’ ep!^
Not to mention he JUST started a Twitter account and has posted stuff that is exactly what I would assume Bradley Whitford to post.
Here’s the thing. ABC is really banking on its ‘family shows’ theme. With Modern Family, The Goldbergs, The Middle, Suburgatory, etc., they’ve created a niche that totally works for them. And with Trophy Wife, it fits right in. Just like Modern Family, Trophy Wife shows what a lot of families in America look like these days. Not everyone comes from a nuclear family anymore – this is The New Normal, if you will (RIP The New Normal).
No matter what your family may look like, no matter how many ex-wives may be involved, at the end of the day, they’re still a family. I appreciate that at the end of every episode, whatever ridic conflict occurs is eventually resolved at the end and the one thing that matters is that they still have each other.
It seems like just yesterday we were introduced to Chemistry teach Mr. Walter White and his ex-student Jesse Pinkman, who became entrepreneurs with their booming meth business. And for some of you, it was like yesterday if you’re of the late-to-the-party-binge-watching ilk. And this weekend, it all comes crashing down to an anxiety-ridden end. Will Jesse die? What will happen to Skyler, Walt Jr. Flynn & Holly? Will Todd kill any more people? Who will Walt use the Ricin on? Will anyone in ABQ ever have an A1 day?
While we anticipate Sunday’s series finale, I decided to take a look at some of my personal favorite series finales. To be clear, I only considered shows I’ve seen from beginning to end, so don’t complain that The Sopranos finale isn’t on here because I’ve never seen it. Buuut I would like to hear what your favorite series finales are! And then at approx 10:16pm on Sunday, we can all add Breaking Bad to that list and cry together knowing there will never be a new episode of one of the greatest TV shows ever again.
(In chronological order) ((Also, spoiler alert??))
Friends (1994-2004)
Besides being one of the most legendary sitcoms in TV history, Friends also has a special place in my heart as well. It was the first show that I ever became obsessed with – to the point where I wore out the VHS tapes I used to tape every episode on. I went through the seasons multiple times, reference it daily, held day long marathons called ‘Friends-travaganzas’ and it even had some influence on this very blog (In high school, Molly & I made a bet on who we thought the father of Rachel’s baby was going to be, and the winner had to buy the loser our cafeteria’s famous cookies. We both lost.)
That being said, as a fan of a series for 10 years, you want the last episode to wrap up everything in a nice package with a perfect bow. You want the best for the people/characters you’ve spent the past 10 years laughing with. And the finale did just that. Monica and Chandler finally got the family they desperately wanted, Phoebe was also able to find a family she never really hard growing up with her husband Mike, and after their epic on-again, off-again relationship, Rachel got off the plane and promised that ‘this was it’ with Ross and they could build upon their own family too (My only qualm is that Joey still didn’t end up with anyone, even if it was because of the awful spin-off).
Co-creator David Crane has said that he and Marta Kaufmann were inspired to write about their own lives, living in NYC in their 20s. They pitched the show as such: “It’s about searching for love and commitment and security, and the fear of love and commitment and security. It’s about friendship – because when you’re young and single in the city, your friends are your family.” And in the end, all the characters achieved and surpassed that. The finale was like a graduation for the gang, even though they spent pretty much the past 10 years relying on each other, the end of the series signified that their friends weren’t the ‘ultimate family’ anymore. It was time to go make their own.
Six Feet Under (2001-2005)
I binge-watched Six Feet Under last year, and even though I found it too dark for my taste at times, overall it lived up to its hype. Not only that, but the finale was everything that people said it would be. Seriously, just watch SFU for the finale alone. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil anything, but the last montage ^AS SEEN ABOVE, SO DON’T WATCH IT IF YOU PLAN ON WATCHING IT IN THE FUTURE^^ is the best, most genius, satisfying ending I’ve ever seen. I honestly can’t even talk about it because it is that good.
Friday Night Lights (2006-2011)
Much like Six Feet Under, I was a little late to the Friday Night Lights game – and I’m assuming most of its fans are. Right after the series finale aired in May, the entire show was available on Netflix Instant – a moment I had been waiting for for years! I spent the summer (ok, like a month and a half) of 2011 bonding with Netflix, the Taylors and Tim Riggins abs. It was one of those instances where all I could think about was the Panthers. I would be at work just dreaming about what would happen next, and rushing home to watch the next episode.
But when it came down to the final season, I had mixed feelings. I wanted to know what happened to the gang, but absolutely did not want it to end. The problem was that I watched it so fast that five years of drama in Dillon was condensed into just a few weeks – but it was there. The bond I had with the team was there. It literally took me almost as long to watch the final five episodes, particularly the finale, than it did to watch the whole thing. But when it did, it was perfect. Stories were tied up, characters found their happy endings, and Mr. and Mrs. Coach were still the perfect role models they were from the pilot. Clear eyes. Full Hearts…
30 Rock (2006-2013)
There’s a reason why 30 Rock has won 16 Emmy Awards – it’s just that good. It’s a rare breed of show that has been able to be intelligent, biting, sentimental and most importantly funny throughout the seven seasons on air. The combination of the final three episodes was incredibly fulfilling for all 30 Rock fans, as the show highlighted everything we loved about it in the first place. Liz dealing with the ragtag group of writers, Jenna vying for attention, and Kenneth, well Kenneth ends up exactly where he was meant to be all along.
The Office (2005-2013)
Add The Office right next to Friends, because this show is one of my all-time favorites. Now I admit that the show kind of lagged towards the end of its run, but I maintain that it was still funnier than most shows on TV at the time. In my opinion, NBC landed the jackpot with smart comedies like 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Community, and of course, The Office. Executive Producer Greg Daniels proved that he could not only adopt the UK version, but alter it to fancy American audiences and make it last twice as long as its namesake.
For me, The Office blended that perfect mix of comedy with heart, that only few shows have been able to master. The perfect example of this is in the boss himself, Michael Scott. He may have done asinine things like almost commit suicide in order to show the risks of depression and suicide, or hold a funeral for a bird in order to cope with the death of a former co-worker or organize the ‘Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure’. When you whittle it down, he does all these things because he cares. He cares about his employees, the people who became his friends, and ultimately his family.
The entire Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch may have been filled with shenanigans, feuds, intertwining relationships but as seen in the series finale, they all went through the documentary together – as a family. Not to be a broken record, but the show came full circle – from Angela and Dwight, to Michael’s surprise appearance and That’s What She Said moment, to Jim and Pam finally getting to courage to do what they wanted- get out of the rut they were in in Scranton. In honestly couldn’t have ended any better (and if we’re speaking honestly here, I’d say it’s my number one finale in this whole list). It was so good in fact, that I still haven’t been able to get myself to watch an entire episode of The Office since – I couldn’t even make it through the first 10 seconds of this video without crying…. I might have a problem.
BONUS:
ER (1994-2009)
Alright, I admit, I’ve probably only seen 10 out of the 15 seasons of ER, give or take a few episodes throughout the last five. But come on, 15 seasons is one hell of a commitment. The cast changes, writers and executive producers come and go, but through the heart of it all, it was always about these doctors, and their relationships with their patients and each other.
Clearly the heyday of ER was towards the beginning, when Noah Wyle, Anthony Edwards, Juliana Margulies and some guy named George Clooney started off as regular folk on a medical TV drama. It was really nothing like TV had seen before, and became a critically acclaimed hit, essentially paving the way for Shondaland and Grey’s to leave its own mark on TV. And while it may have stumbled towards the end, the finale was purposefully (and wonderfully) mirrored the pilot, a full circle maneuver that I personally enjoy in any series.
For me, the most poignant part of the finale was seeing Rachel Greene, daughter of the hospital’s late Dr. Mark Greene, come back to County General in hopes to follow in the footsteps of her revered father. In the early seasons, viewers saw Rachel as a kid wandering around the ER aimlessly, but now she had a purpose. The end scene (as seen above), may not be too flashy, but it’s a reminder that even if we don’t get to see what happens in this hospital for another 15 years, it will keep on going without us.
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Pre-Show Fun with E!
T: If you caught any of the E! Pre-Show Pre-Show, Giuliana Rancic, Kelly Osbourne and George (Ksomething Greek sounding last name) made up Hashtags for the night. Kelly’s was #ohnoshedidnt & G’s was #NipSlip. So I mean…. probably no Emmy for E! on the red carpet next year… or ever.
M: Zooey Deschanel is dressed like she’s from the future but she usually dresses like she’s from the past and I’m SO CONFUSED right now. She’s like a really pretty Jetson cousin.
M: Zosia Mamet’s dress is sort of tie dye looking and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Outfit Critics didn’t like it. I actually find the fabric pretty but there’s a black bar over her boobs that either looks like a censor bar or a giant fake mustache. But on her boobs.
M: I was going to say I don’t like Heidi Klum’s dress color but then I imagined Heidi Klum turning to the camera, looking straight at me, raising a single eyebrow, and saying “oh really? Well I don’t like your sweatpants.” I got served by imaginary Heidi Klum.
M: So… we’re supposed to say Anna Gunn’s name with an accent? Is that what I just heard? Listen. I’m from the Great Lakes region. You’re lucky that I don’t say it like my voice box is stuffed into my nose. Let’s not get greedy, Ahhna.
T: Speaking of Anna Gunn and Breaking Bad, it is like freaking SOPHIE’S CHOICE tonight – Breaking Bad comes on at 9p, Emmys at 8p. Luckily for me, I can watch one right after the other, but that means avoiding Twitter starting at 6pm EST. #FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMSYALL
M: Is that why I’m manning Twitter tonight? (Traci says ‘Yes. Absolutely. Every man for himself) BTW “manigram” is a really distracting segment name because it sounds exactly like they’re saying mammogram.
M: Tina Fey is wearing something flawless because she’s perfect.
T: Literally my first thought about Tina: *OWOOOOGA* like a cartoon character with eyes bulging out
M: Like Mad Men, Kiernan Shipka has now entered the late 60s (judging by her dress). And her awkward stage. JK. She’ll never have an awkward stage (I’m slowly crawling out of mine as we speak. I’m in my late 20s).
M: My standout memory of Jewel is during the Kids Choice Awards when we were still in the proper Kids Choice Awards demo (like 10 maybe?) all the kids were yelling like annoying brats and she made them quiet down before she sang. Like a stern but kind preschool teacher. Hope she does that at some point tonight.
Also – Christina Hendricks is here with 20s hair.
[Deleted block of text where I freaked out about someone’s awful purple dress then realized I was looking at E’s decorations and went to get my glasses]
M: You know what Michael Douglas? You ruined everything when you told us all how you got cancer.
T: Things we just learned from Michael Douglas: Fan of both Ryan Seacrest’s morning radio show as well as Big Bang Theory. Never would’ve guessed either.
M: Speaking of Big Bang Theory, Jim Parsons is here and he always seems like the human version of a cartoon cat to me. Never so much as when he’s wearing a bow tie.
M: Lena Dunham tweeted that her sister said that her dress looked like it came from a Delia’s catalog.
“It’s like the Delia’s catalogue made a red carpet dress!” – my sister giving me the truest compliment when I showed her my Emmy look #joy
Also, her hair looks like this one time in college when I went to a cheap place to get my hair cut to shoulder length, and the lady kept taking off hair to get it even, and when I got home it was super short AND the sides were about 3 inches different. I had to go back and get it cut to roughly Dunham’s length. I cried until my friends all told me that they didn’t feel sorry for me.
T: AMY POEHLER JUST SHOWED UP AND LITERALLY SAID OUTLOUD ‘AHHHHHH’
M: Amy declared that she is wearing “a good attitude” which is the exact thing we love about her. BTW I didn’t type the whole time she was up there, I just sat with my chin propped up in my hands like a child staring out the window at Santa.
T: Um Amy just interviewed Carrie Underwood as she came up to Seacrest and said, “And you’re… performing?? ….. What are you doing here?” THIS IS THE BEST PAIRING THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I’D WANT
M: “We’re going to talk about religion… politics… just really get into it.” What if there was a show where it was just Amy Poehler in social situations with very random celebrities? I’d DVR every ep.
T: Lena Dunham is aware she’s not attending a 1997 summer BBQ, right? And like the haircut is reminiscent of the one Allison Pill did on The Newsroom. Also, unlikely friends? Lena and Claire Danes.
M: I’m getting stress flashbacks from her haircut right now. Claire Danes is here with a faux bob that reminds me of a blonde version of the Brown Helmet referenced in Steel Magnolias. Lena Dunham seems like she’d be a great person to be friends with/meet at a party because she’s a really interested and engaged listener.
M: Don’t worry, Connie Britton is here to bring us some high-quality Beautiful Flawless Mermaid hair. Also “my jewelry is worth more than I am.” So, priceless??
M: Will Arnett is here. I can’t see him without shaking my head and thinking “sir, you’ve made an awful mistake.”
T: What Molly said. I said, “RIP” when Will came on the screen. WHO WOULD EVER DIVORCE AMY I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Aaron Paul is gushing over his wife, who I think is gorge and great, but it’s like, shut up stop being so perfect and in love. #BitterBetty
M: I thought his mom was his wife at first so clearly, everyone in that whole family is just touched with gold.
M: Ryan Seacrest, Shut Up. Julie Bowen, I love you, but also shut up. (ICYMI they’re discussing Bowen starving to fit into her dress, and it’s not even so much that that’s not funny, it’s that they’re not being funny about it. There’s like an unspoken thing that if you’re dealing with offensive material you should at least be actually funny)
T: Also, Julie, you need a stylist. your dress looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting. The only time I’ve ever seen you look good was last year at the Emmys.
M: AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THOSE PAINTINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, right people who took one semester of art history?
M: January Jones is here and I don’t care WHO says she’s cold and standoffish, I love when she acts like she can’t be bothered by any of this. You do you, Betty.
M: I missed everything Sofia Vergara just said except “Cover Girl,” which was crystal clear as all sponsored messages should be.
Sofia was asked something that makes her un-sexy. She said it’s that she sleeps with socks on. That is such a cop out, like when you’re on a job interview and asked for your biggest weakness and you say something like “I care too much.”
T: Julia Louis-Dreyfus looks like a disco ball. A fabulous, hilarious, gorgeous Monqiue Lhuillier-made disco ball.
M: Her skin is so beautiful that I sort of want to touch her face.
THE MAIN EVENT
T: GUYS I’M SO EXCITED IT’S LIKE MY SUPERBOWL.
M: It’s 8:05 and the Emmys are JUST STARTING because boys ruin everything. Thanks, football guys. (I know ladies watch football but I’m giving you all an out. This time).
T: “There are too many shows, there’s no time to finish.” – NPH
“Story of my life.” – Me
M: NPH is wearing a dark burgundy tuxedo jacket, a color that’s been forever ruined for me when I learned it was also called “oxblood.” Course he just referenced American Horror Story: Asylum, so clearly the same things don’t freak he and I out.
M: This whole segment is that exact same level of uncomfy. At least Jimmy Fallon is here, but I say that in the same sense that you’re always happy when one of your friends is at the same bad party as you.
T: OMG KEVIN SPACEY. If you haven’t watched House of Cards, this segment doesn’t make sense to you. But it’s so good.
“I come to Awards Shows for the twerking” – Tina
MY LOVE FOR THESE TWO KNOWS NO BOUNDS. AMY JUST ROLLED ONTO THE STAGE.
M: Came for the TV accolades, stayed for Amy Poehler’s extended twerking references. And Tina and Amy’s patented Jennifer Lawrence Graceful Falls.
Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Jane Lynch, Glee
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Anna Chlumsky, Veep
Traci’s Pick: Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Since Rural Juror already lost in the Best Song category last week, it’s only fair that the singer herself get the accolade that she’s deserved for the past seven seasons.
Molly’s Pick: Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Always someone from Modern Family. Surprised Lily isn’t winning these things yet. (But I want to see Anna Chlumsky or Jane Krakowski take it home)
WINNER
Meritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
M: Meritt Wever went to the Fame High School. That is officially the only fact I know about her.
She got on stage, said “I gotta go, bye,” and did. I like the cut of your jib, Wever.
M: LL Cool J always wears the non-tweed version of the hat my dad always wears, so hope you’re into looking like a suburban Irish lawyer!
Writing for a Comedy Series
Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock, 30 Rock
Tina Fey & Tracey Wigfield, 30 Rock
David Crane & Jeffrey Klarik, Episodes
Louis C.K. & Pamela Adlon, Louie
Greg Daniels, The Office
Traci’s Pick: Louis C.K. & Pamela Adlon, Louie
I don’t even watch Louie, but I feel like he’s got this one in the bag. My heart lies with The Office, though. Best series finale I’ve ever seen.
Molly’s Pick: Greg Daniels, The Office
Loved the 30 Rock Finale, but splitting the finale will probably split the votes, no?
WINNER
Tina Fey & Tracey Wigfield, 30 Rock
T: Fun fact: I had a great run-in with Tracey Wigfield during a Mindy Project WGA event (she writes for them now, slash sorry that was #SoLA). Basically we bonded over our names.
M: Fun fact: I live in Rochester. It’s cold and everything’s closed. Good story Traci!
Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Adam Driver, Girls
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live
Tony Hale, Veep
Traci’s Pick: Ty Burrell, Modern Family
To me, Ty is the standout male actor on the show, so my vote’s on him. I have a soft spot in my heart for Jesse Tyler Ferguson, though. You know who should really with this? Bill Hader. No more Stefon you guys, NO MORE STEFON 😦
Molly’s Pick: Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
See Supporting Actress Comment, above. See also, Traci’s Stefon comment, above.
WINNER
Tony Hale, Veep
M: Robin Williams is about ¾ of the way through the long journey into turning into Jack Nicholson.
T: Wait… There should’ve been a cross-over 30 Rock/Mad Men ep where Jack Donaghy goes to Don Draper for advertising help
Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Traci’s Pick:Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
If you don’t watch Veep, you’re doing it wrong. But I think it’s pretty clear that both of us would rather have Amy Poehler win this one. Always Amy Poehler. Always.
Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
The real award goes to Amy Poehler for whatever awesome bit she schedules this year (do you have .gifs of the other years? I don’t but I’ll look) Why yes, they just happen to be on my Tumblr… (T)
WINNER
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
M: Once again, Anna Chlumsky should be taking home an award for Best Supporting Actress In an Awards Show Comedy Bit, for her appearance in “casually glancing up from her cell phone”
T: Guys…. If that bit Julia Louis-Dreyfus just did went over your head, you need to watch Veep. Now. Or, like after the Emmys.
M: WILL ARNETT YOU’VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
M: The voiceover just said “this is only the second time a woman has won for comedy directing,” but she put so much overemphasis on “a woman” that it sounded like she was saying “this is only the second time a woman has been born with XY chromosomes and also a penis and also was a dude.” Calm down, voiceover lady. It’s fine.
T: Observation: the writers of this year’s Emmys are on point.
Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Traci’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie
Louie is juuuust edgy enough to garner the support of the viewers this year, and even though Alec has already won this category twice before, I think he has a good shot at winning for nostalgia purposes too.
Molly’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie
What the shit is Episodes? I don’t feel like I’m very good at TV right now.
WINNER
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
T: I literally ‘UGHHed’ when Jim Parsons won. Sorry guys. Not a Big Bang Theory viewer.
M: I only don’t like it because I don’t think it’s very fun. Parsons is a very cute cartoon cat of a man and I loved Blossom on “Blossom.”
M: I think they’re going to do a tribute here. Let’s go over the ground rules, everyone. No clapping til it’s done. No unwrapping snacks. Try to look serious. Church rules, people. OK, the All In The Family Tribute was one of the most touching ones I’ve seen on an awards show in a good while. Kind of want to watch Jean Stapleton’s funny singing in the All In The Family theme song to rinse the sad out of my mouth.
T: I’ve only seen approx 15 minutes of Behind the Candelabra, but I still can’t believe Good Will Hunting and Gordon Gekko played lovers. Like, gay lovers.
M: Between Will Arnett and Michael Douglas, I haven’t seen this much spray tan since prom week at our high school in 2004 (when we were visiting as part of a little brothers/ little sisters thing, we’re not that old) (we’re so old)
Elton John’s piano piece best get a lot flashier, because it sounds like something I’d have played at my spring recital in 1995 (when I was a fetus I’m not that old)
T: “… I’m just gonna turn this down a little.” -Me, re: Elton John
“I mean you can probably just put it on mute, to be honest. Is there an episode of TV we could watch? – my music lover fan, Suzanne.
M: I’m clawing at my face in secondhand embarrassment like I haven’t done since Joey Potter sang On My Own at the Miss Windjammer Pageant. Go back to Baby Zachary Levon, Elton. He needs you more than us.
Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
Sigourney Weaver, Political Animals
Laura Linney, The Big C: Hereafter
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake
Traci’s Pick: Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
I REFUSE to watch American Horror Story. I can barely watch the promos or look at the ads. Have you SEEN the one with the snake in the mouths? Anyways, Jessica Lange will probs win this, although Elisabeth Moss was really good in Top of the Lake. She was honestly the best this about it. Everything else sucked.
Molly’s Pick: Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
This is a list comprised entirely of Actresses Awards Committees Can’t Get Enough Of, so it’s anyone’s game really.
WINNER
Laura Linney, The Big C
M: I checked my work email during Elton John’s song because it was so boring, so then I had to go get some things to stress eat, so if I’m a little fatter tomorrow than today, it’s on you, Liberace.
T: This How I Met Your Mother bit is making me sad that it’s the last season all over again.
M: I know. When long running tv shows end it feels like leaving high school except unlike our high school the tv shows are actually made up of people that I like.
Writing for a Drama Series
George Mastras, Breaking Bad
Thomas Schnauz, Breaking Bad
Julian Fellowes, Downton Abbey
David Benioff & D.B. Weiss, Game Of Thrones
Henry Bromell, Homeland
Traci’s Pick: Henry Bromell, Homeland
This particular episode from Henry Bromell, Q&A, was by far the best episode of the season, maybe even the series to date. No brainer.
Molly’s Pick: David Benioff & DB. Weiss, Game Of Thrones
I’m going solely off of which episode made people on Twitter freak out the most. Not sure if People Who Freak Out On Twitter is the same market demo as People Who Are In The Academy Of Television Arts & Sciences.
WINNER
Henry Bromell, Homeland
T: I feel like it’s almost impossible to talk to Connie Britton and not mention Friday Night Lights. Example: this bit.
M: Other example: the reassuring, Principal Taylor-esque shoulder squeeze she just gave the widow of the last category’s winner.
M: If Connie Britton had watched the preshow, she’d know that it’s pronounced Ahhhna Gunn.
Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones
Morena Baccarin, Homeland
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Traci’s Pick: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Because if Skyler’s gonna make it out of the ABQ alive, she might as well get an Emmy for it.
Molly’s Pick: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Anna Gunn plays someone’s wife on Breaking Bad. He makes drugs. Some people don’t like her but it’s only because they’re sexist (everything I know about Breaking Bad I learned from Tumblr. Starting it soon. Honest.)
WINNER
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
T: GOD BLESS AMERICA SKYLER WINS, ONCE AND FOR ALL.
This show is turning out to be a tearjerker. Not prepared.
M: Getting real emotional. About to go through a lot of snack mix and kale chips. So, screw you, Elton John.
T: I just … love NPH for being virtually the only host who can sing and dance and act flawlessly.
M: I just clasped my hands and raised my shoulders up to my ears like those creepy smitten triplets in Beauty And The Beast when Gaston walked by.
T: Waiit… Castle can sing. Also, I’m freaking out over all the SYTYCD alum dancing right now.
M: So, numbers are up for each of the performers in the last number and lines will be open for an hour after the show.
M: Evidently the teleprompter wasn’t working during Mindy Kaling and Stephen Ammell’s presentation. I sort of just thought that was the level of writing we were supposed to expect for this kind of thing.
Reality-Competition Program
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
The Amazing Race
The Voice
Top Chef
Traci’s Pick: The Amazing Race
Ugh, even though I think The Amazing Race is a good show, it has won every.single.year since the category was introduced in 2003. Except in 2010 when Top Chef won. In all honesty, So You Think You Can Dance should win, but that’s a completely biased opinion.
Molly’s Pick: The Voice
I’m one of those old-school folks who doesn’t love this category. SYTYCD is the only one I watch on the regs anymore, but I’d be surprised.
WINNER
The Voice
T: EXCUSE ME? THE VOICE?
M: Sometimes Cee Lo has that cat, though. Seems fair.
T: Kerry! I love you so much. And I usually love alllll your fashion choices… but… On second viewing, it’s really not that bad and kind of pretty.
M: Like Connie Britton, I tend to attribute Kerry Washington’s character’s traits to her. Totally fair to assume she’s as smart and driven as Olivia Pope, right?
T: Why is Dihann Carroll so far away from Kerry right now?
Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire
Jonathan Banks, Breaking Bad
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
Traci’s Pick: Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
I LOVE YOU AARON PAUL. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. But after Mandy’s snub last year, I feel like the Academy will want to make up for its massive mistake in not nominating Inigo Montoya.
Molly’s Pick: Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
But Maybe Bobby Cannavale as a super-dark horse. Sometimes I think Emmy voters are like that one neighbor you had in 1992 who always wanted to show off that he had HBO. Yes, Academy. We know you have HBO.
WINNER
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire
Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Traci’s Pick: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
I honestly kept switching my vote from Heisenberg to Nick Brody, but Heisenberg won in the end… just like he will in the series finale????
Molly’s Pick: Damian Lewis, Homeland
Know what? I really don’t know about this one.
WINNER
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
M: Like I said, the Academy members are really proud that they upgraded to the HBO package with their cable service.
T: Jeff Daniels “I didn’t expect this.” Yeah neither did we.
What in the actual fuck is going on? None of these people were expected to win!!!! #SelfishBallotTalk
But really, I like Jeff Daniels and all, but over Mandy Patinkin and Aaron Paul?
M: Don Cheadle is now hosting a mini-segment called “Shit That’s Supposed To Make You Cry That Was On TV One Time In the 60s”
Also supposed to make you cry: Carrie Underwood singing ‘Yesterday.’ So THAT’s what she’s doing here.
M: It’s ok, Jimmy Fallon’s here, we can all stop crying now. Really, that wasn’t cool, Cheadle.
T: Literally started clapping when Jimmy came on the stage. This mic bit is way funnier than it should be.
M: I’m getting nervous about this category. Like, because I care who wins and because I care how they’re going to fill a whole other hour after this.
Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Claire Danes, Homeland
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Connie Britton, Nashville
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Traci’s Pick: Kerry Washington, Scandal
I think my pick is half who ‘will’ win and half who ‘should’ win. Either way, I’m sticking with Kerry in the event this is the one upset of the night and she steals it away from Claire Danes. The whole African-American actress hubbub mixed with the fact that I recently binge-watched Scandal and now am obsessed with it is why I’m choosing Olivia Pope. #GoGladiators
Molly’s Pick: Kerry Washington, Scandal
Claire Danes is trying to wrestle back her Ugly Cry Showdown title, but I have to go with Olivia Pope. Love Scandal.
WINNER
Claire Danes, Homeland
M: And, with Claire Danes’ win, she yanks the title of Best Ugly Crier from Anne Hathaway. You had a good run, Annie. Now why don’t you cry about it (you’re really quite good at it).
T: I had so much anxiety during that category and Kerry didn’t even win. Gah. Also Claire Danes WTF is with your hair. Just, no.
M: Anyone else having a tough time dealing with Damian’s face right now?
M: Traci, you don’t watch Game of Thrones, right? I don’t have enough time to get as into it as people on twitter convince me I would be. I also feel like it’s for people who play games with really big multi-sided dice and secret names. *even though I know super normy people who watch it.
T: No, I do not, and will not watch Game of Thrones. I have too many shows. Also, I don’t watch programs with dragons or vampires.
M: Sometimes I think about watching it so I could understand more memes. Everything about me is embarrassing.
T: The group writers intros are always my favoriteand OHMYGOD OPRAH.
M: So, who on Jimmy Kimmel is sleeping with Oprah? (Don’t say Gayle or Stedman, we know neither of those are happening)
T: I mean, if he’s not sleeping with her, they’re at least BFFs (Example A, Example B).
M: Right now the Emmys are reminding me of that one older relative who, every time you see them, has to tell you about another person you know who died.
T: I cannot express how excited I am about this choreography dance number. SYTYCD alum galore! Also, I just really like it when dance is featured on a major show. (If you want to see these amazing choreographers’ nominated routines, watch them here!)
M: When NPH started singing “Luck Be A Lady” I thought “hey, this always reminds me of Mrs Doubtfire!” So, everything nice is wasted on me. Just feed me Taco Bell and give me a stack of Lifetime movies. It’s all I deserve.
M: So I think it’s time for me to watch Boardwalk Empire (ICYMI 1920s people 1920s-danced to a 1920s Get Lucky.)
T: I AM LEGITIMATELY CRYING RIGHT NOW GUYS. IT’S A PROBLEM.
I LOVE ALL THOSE DANCERS AND CHOREOGRAPHERS. AND TRAVIS AND ALLISON – WHO WERE CONTESTANTS IN SEASON TWO OF SYTYCD ARE NOW NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY?! AND THE FACT THAT CHOREOGRAPHY IS EVEN ON THE PRIMETIME SHOW I ACTUALLY CANNOT.
M: I almost cried too, but nothing came out because I used up all my tears during the JFK thing. I’m Irish Catholic. The JFK funeral is like holding fresh cut onions under my eyes.
Sorry, did Mandy Moore just get introduced as Mandy Jo Moore? Not makin’ it better, Mand’.
Variety Series
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Traci’s Pick: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
It’s hard to pick anything else besides The Daily Show, because much like The Amazing Race, it’s dominated the competition since 2003. If anyone has a chance, it’s his buddy Stephen Colbert. A long shot would be my boy Jimmy Fallon, and I might have to Funkin’ Gonuts myself if he wins.
Molly’s Pick: The Colbert Report
The Colbert Report has been pretty on its game this year, but it would be nice to see Jimmy Fallon win since that show’s been having more fun than I’ve ever really seen a late night show have. However, this isn’t community rec U4-U6 soccer, so I guess you don’t get a trophy for “going out there and having fun.”
WINNER
The Colbert Report
T: *caps lock rant over* In other news, I am doing horribly with my ballot.
M: You could totally change your answers before you post it, but you wouldn’t do it. You’re the kind of person who would leave money at an unattended farm stand. (I’m the kind of person who lives near farm stands. Like I said, everything about me is embarrassing).
M: These spread-out tributes are really killing me. This is why you don’t do funerals in installments. Best to get it all over with at once.
T: Seriously, I’m crying again… Maybe I should seek psychiatric help…
M: Nah you’re good. My mom texted me during this that she was driving my nephew and he kept telling her “you really, really have to tell Aunt Molly that I love her” and I cried for like five minutes. OK, or maybe we’re just both messes.
T: “This just in: no one in America is winning their office Emmy pool.”- NPH Yes.
M: Yeah. I could win at this point just because everyone’s doing so poorly. The winner will probably be someone who doesn’t watch TV and just goes by whatever has the best name (read: my football pool strategy).
Anna Farris is wearing a Sleeping Beauty wig and a very nice yellow dress.
T: This lovely British woman winning for The Hour is just the absolute loveliest. Lovely.
M: She’s really, very lovely.
Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
James Cromwell, American Horror Story: Asylum
Zachary Quinto, American Horror Story: Asylum
Scott Bakula, Behind the Candelabra
John Benjamin Hickey, The Big C: Hereafter
Peter Mullan, Top of the Lake
Traci’s Pick: James Cromwell, American Horror Story: Asylum
See: Lead Actress in a Miniseries… but I mean he was great in Babe.
Molly’s Pick: Scott Bakula, Behind the Candelabra
I suppose.
WINNER
James Cromwell, American Horror Story: Asylum
T: Kevin Spacey looked perturbed when he flicked that piece of paper into the lens. He should be used to speaking into cameras.
M: MORE DEAD PEOPLE. Jeeesus. What is this, the Hogwarts Portrait Gallery? No. Because at Hogwarts, people are better behaved than to clap at inappropriate times. Bunch of damn Slytherins here.
So, Behind the Candelabra is like… really happening right now, huh? I just can’t take anything seriously with Candelabra in the title. Also: more music from my 4th grade piano recital.
Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Asylum
Ellen Burstyn, Political Animals
Charlotte Rampling, Restless
Alfre Woodard, Steel Magnolias
Imelda Staunton, The Girl
Traci’s Pick: Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Asylum
Sarah Paulson is one of those people for me that I always remember them for that one thing they did that probably no one else does. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. RIP.
Molly’s Pick: Imelda Staunton, The Girl
I typed 3 different actresses before settling on Imelda Staunton. Never realized I cared so much about supporting actresses in miniseries.
WINNER
Ellen Burstyn, Political Animals
M: Ellen Burstyn looks very… diaphanous tonight.
T: Ellen Burstyn: Forever the crazy lady in Requiem for a Dream.
M: 10:56 EST. How many awards to go? Put on the hustle, Emmys! You can do it!
Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Matt Damon, Behind the Candelabra
Benedict Cumberbatch, Parade’s End
Al Pacino, Phil Spector
Toby Jones, The Girl
Traci’s Pick: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Michael Douglas playing a gay, rhinestone wearing, piano player who has sex with Matt Damon? Yeah, just give him the Emmy now.
Molly’s Pick: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
I have nothing to add to Traci’s comment. That’s pretty much it.
WINNER
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
T: What is Michael Douglas actually saying right now.
M: He’s saying that Matt Damon’s a top, I think. That means what you think it does. Michael Douglas: making my stomach feel not great since he told us all how he got cancer. Also “My wife Catherine?” Didn’t they just get divorced?
T: I think they’re separated? Slash maybe he’s just trying to be nice about their split. What a great guy.
M: You know, I’m just a simple, old-fashioned girl who thinks that once you’ve gotten throat cancer from your spouse’s vag, you’re in it for life. (Sorry) (No I’m not. Michael Douglas should be sorry. AND CZJ I guess. Everyone who made it possible for me to know that fact)
Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story: Asylum
Behind the Candelabra
Phil Spector
Political Animals
The Bible
Top of the Lake
Traci’s Pick: Behind the Candelabra
Sorry everyone else, this is the year for the gays.
Molly’s Pick: Top Of The Lake
I think other people liked it more than I did.
WINNER
Behind the Candelabra
M: Claire Danes is doing awesome, but I’d just like to take this moment to point out that all of the best actress nominees this year were played by Tatiana Maslany. Amazing how you just forget that it’s the same actress. /#stillbitter
T: Will Ferrell… pretty sure these are his actual kids. Are they getting paid for this or straight up child labor?
M: Oh my God I think you’re right. I thought those Asian kids from the last award show were his real kids. But this is probably more correct.
Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory
Girls
Louie
Modern Family
30 Rock
Veep
Traci’s Pick: Modern Family
Modern Family 3-peat. 30 Rock should win based on sentimentality alone. Blerg.
Molly’s Pick: Modern Family
I like Modern Family – really, I do. I’d just rather see 30 Rock win.
WINNER
Modern Family
T: “This may have been the saddest Emmys ever, but we could not be happier.” Steve Levitan, Modern Family EP, who has hit the Emmy nail on the head.
M: Yeah. The tone of the Emmys is supposed to be all “TV forever!” but this year it’s like “TV forever! Until you die. Everyone dies. Here’s some people who did this year, for instance. And JFK, which was a while ago,but you know, why not?”
Drama Series
House of Cards
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Homeland
Mad Men
Traci’s Pick: Breaking Bad
Basically, just give Breaking Bad ALL the awards while you can. ALL of them.
Molly’s Pick: Breaking Bad
If not this year, then next. Source: tumblr.
WINNER
Breaking Bad
T: Finally Breaking Bad wins and all is right with the world.
M: Except this Emmy telecast. It just left me feeling kind of “off.” Speaking of which, now you can all go watch Breaking Bad! I don’t have any spoilers I’m just taking it that something crazy happened.
Thanks everyone for reading!! Check back tomorrow for our Best and Worst Dressed Lists!!! Go drown your sorrows in your Emmy ballots now…
I’m a Rhoda, not a Mary. If you’re a classic tv fan, an old person, or both, you’ll remember Mary Richards and Rhoda Morgenstern as one of the sitcom world’s best buddy duos on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Mary was sort of the straight man, and eminently sweet and lovable. Rhoda was sassy, self-deprecating, others-deprecating (is that a thing?) and had a disastrous dating life.
I watched Mary Tyler Moore repeats as a kid, but it was by and large a “grown-up” show to me. See, I could watch shows about adults in my era (see: Friends), but a bunch of adults in the 70s didn’t really resonate with me. Now that I’m a young professional, The Mary Tyler Moore show is my life. Since college, my friend and I have even used “throwing our hats in the air” as a catchall expression for just generally succeeding at life.
Rhoda Morgenstern probably reminds you of either yourself or one of your friends (in which case you’re a Mary, and likely far more likable and bubbly than I am). When prepping for a beauty contest, Rhoda introduced herself: “My favorite hobbies are cheerleading, liking people, and living in America.” Still, Mary always had the good luck, as Rhoda informed her on a down day: “You’re having a lousy streak. I happen to be having a terrific streak. Soon the world will be back to normal. Tomorrow you will meet a crown head of Europe and marry. I will have a fat attack, eat 3000 peanut butter cups and die.” Then, there’s the voice-over from season one of Rhoda:
Whomever decided that a voice-over monolog would make a good theme song was freaking crazy. It was the 70s, and everyone was just kind of trying things I guess. But still. Rhoda. I love Rhoda.
Not to mention, the gal could really pull off a turban.
Of course, there’s no Rhoda without Valerie Harper. The fact is, Harper’s pretty great in her own right. She got her start touring with Second City, and appeared on the super-60s (but still funny) comedy album When You’re In Love The Whole World Is Jewish. She ran for SAG president but lost to Melissa Gilbert, which isn’t even really fair because who could vote against Half-Pint Ingalls, except for Nellie Freaking Olsen? Harper even advocated for the ERA in the 70s, and you can tell that I have the boundless, baseless optimism of someone who was raised in Buffalo Bills territory, because every time it’s introduced I’m like “you know, maybe this is our year.” In 2006, she called Britney Spears a “Disney Hooker.” Harper also offered one of my favorite bits of life advice:
“Stop working so hard at being interesting and focus on what’s outside yourself. There are universes out there that need to be explored. And, an interested person is extremely interesting.”
This fall, Valerie Harper has advanced cancer and a reality tv contract – because she’s Rhoda Morgenstern and she does what she wants. So, on Monday I voluntarily watched Dancing With The Stars even though I am not a suburban lady in my early 60s. I’ll keep watching as long as she’s on the show – and possibly longer if Bill Nye and Jessie Spano make it farther. I was a 90s kid, after all. I’m not watching because it’s amazing that Harper is responding unbelievably well to treatment, or inspiring that she’s undertaking a serious dance regimen on top of a serious illness. I’m watching because Rhoda Morgenstern was hilarious, and so is the woman who plays her. Which means that – at the very least – if a routine is really awful, or someone falls down, or the costumes are atrocious, I think we can count on her for some witty, Rhoda-like commentary.
[Ed. note: This was initially written to appear this past Monday, but was postponed to write about one of our other favorite funny ladies. I don’t think Valerie Harper cares, though. Meaning: I don’t think she’s one of our readers. But, the delay allowed me to watch DWTS before posting, and Harper did not disappoint. But would it have killed them to put her in a turban? For old time’s sake, I mean.]
Let’s talk about Canadian television. I lived in a border city for 3 years, and spent some quality time with Canadian TV. It’s mostly made up of American shows, hockey, people talking about hockey, Tim Hortons commercials, snow – just, like, programming about snow, because Canada has so damn much of it, and people who generally look all healthy and financially secure and smug because they all have health care. Every once in a while, you get a Degrassi in there. The piece de resistance of Canadian television is the 1985 CBC adaptation of Anne of Green Gables.
As a dramatic, bookish redheaded child, I was more or less obligated to love Anne of Green Gables. If you loved her, too, you will remember a few things about her. She was an orphan who always had her head in the clouds, she was outspoken but always meant well, and — oh yeah, she lived in the 18-fucking-hundreds or something. So when I heard that Canadian TV was adapting Anne of Green Gables to a modern setting, I was a little confused. None of the plotlines even make sense in 2013. Clearly, a couple tweaks are in order. Frankly, I don’t think Tim Hortons will even sponsor this mess.
Here’s what will happen if Canada brings Anne Shirley to the new millennium:
Matthew and Marilla are the worst people ever
The entire premise of Anne of Green Gables falls apart when you move it to this millennium. In the 1908 novel by Lucy Maud Montgomery, Matthew and Marilla order a boy from the orphanage in order to help Matthew with the farm work. They end up with Anne instead. In 2013, buying children to do manual labor is pretty illegal. An 11-year-old girl going to stay with elderly siblings who live together – because they buy her to do work – wouldn’t test well with today’s audiences. I think the only thing they could do is have Anne come from some sort of foster care situation, which would work with the prejudice ol’ Rachel Lynde has against her. Still, though, the show wouldn’t work if Marilla’s this warm, fuzzy older lady who just wants to help an underprivileged girl succeed. She sort of has to be a brittle church-hag who tried to buy a little boy for chores.
Bath Salts Are The New Raspberry Cordial
Remember when Anne invited Diana over for tea, then accidentally got Diana drunk on raspberry cordial, then they weren’t allowed to be friends for a while? Most parents still wouldn’t like the kid who got their daughter drunk, but I think raspberry cordial has lost some shock value in the intervening hundred years. It even sounds like an old-timey refreshment you’d have at tea-time. Nowadays, to get the same punch Anne would have to come across bath salts, sprinkle it on some food, then be all surprised when Diana goes on a drug-induced face-eating rampage. Or, Diana would have an allergy attack and Anne would mix up Zyrtec with Xanax and get Diana all spacey. You got to admit, for such a smart girl Anne could be a little dense sometimes.
“Carrots” Isn’t Really An Insult Anymore
You’ll remember that Anne and Gilbert’s hate-to-tolerance-to-friendship-to-love trajectory began with Gilbert mockingly referring to Anne as “carrots.” In 2013, any teen girl would be like “that’s all you got, Gil?”. In the modern adaptation, instead of calling Anne carrots, Gilbert’s going to set up a Facebook page called “Anne Shirley is a Fire Crotch,” and it’s going to get 300 likes in the first day. Anne won’t smash a slate over his head, she’ll create an unflattering gif set of Gilbert and post it to her tumblr. Josie Pye likes Gil’s page, obviously, because in 2013 as in 1890, Josie Pye is a freaking bitch.
Prissy Andrews and Mr. Phillips? Hello, Sweeps Month Drama
100 years ago, the weird moon-eyes Prissy used to make over Mr. Phillips was supposed to mean that she was a horrible suck-up who would probably marry him after she graduated at 16 or whatever. In 2013, it still means that Prissy is a horrible suck-up who will probably marry Mr. Phillips when she drops out at 16 or whatever (or 18 – not sure of the law there). However, it also means that Mr. Phillips is a total pedophile, which explains why he was so damn creepy. For a 3-episode arc, Anne of Green Gables will become a legal drama as they sort this whole mess out.
Green Hair Dye: Unlikely
Hardly anyone’s given me shit about having red hair, and the dozen-ish times that it has happened it didn’t bother me. So, I don’t think that a 2013 Anne Shirley would be so distraught over her auburn locks that she’d buy hair dye from a peddler and turn it green. I’m thinking she’d be more likely to lose her hair in a knockoff keratin treatment attempt. If the producers want to have a Very Special Episode, maybe Anne could get hooked on bootleg diet drugs or get a suspicious mole excised because she’d been tanning away her redhead complexion. After 100 years, teen girls are still trying wacky things to look better, but I think that carroty hair would be the least of Anne’s concerns.
Puffed sleeves are SO 1908
Anne waited years to be old enough to wear puffed sleeves. Like many young readers, I wondered what exactly that meant but imagined it to be the most beautiful sleeve configuration possible. Then, I saw the movie, and was horrified by these sleeves that looked like they were stuffed with wadded-up shopping bags and cribbed from a 1980s bridesmaid dress. I don’t know what the modern answer to puffed sleeves would be — something that’s considered too grown-up for a young girl, and which looks absolutely ridiculous. Is it half-shirts, now that those are back?
Anne Shirley is now 45 years old
As far as I’m concerned, Megan Follows is the only Anne Shirley. Since nothing about a modern-day Anne of Green Gables makes sense, I don’t see why we need to be all accurate and have a 13-year-old in the role. Let’s just stick with Follows. There may as well be something good in this whole debacle.
Matthew doesn’t die
If we can move Anne of Green Gables to 2013, we can do anything with the story, right? So, let’s let Matthew live and spare all of the little illiterate kids that psychic trauma. Children who have read the book can just keep that development to themselves.
Yes, I was too old to watch Degrassi, probably. I really don’t care. First of all, we all knowI love age-inappropriate television. Second, Degrassi got away with stuff in a teen series that network TV wasn’t at the time, so it wasn’t entirely awful.
So, yes, I watched it, and now I wonder where the actors are. Not those actors from the later seasons when it got all weird and none of the original crew was there. And NOT the first 80s-90s incarnation of Degrassi. Since I watch stuff for people younger than me, and I was like 5 when that was on, by my calculations that means I was probably watching whatever babies are into. I don’t know. Those fish things that clip onto a crib, or the inside of a uterus, probably.
Anyway. Degrassi. Names link to twitter account, where available. Here we go:
It took like a year for me to refer to Aubrey Graham as “Drake” instead of “Wheelchair Jimmy.” It took another two for me to stop telling people that I liked him as far back as when he was “Walking Jimmy.” At that point, I’d realized that probably wasn’t anything to be proud of.
So, where is Jimmy now? Drake. He’s Drake. We all know who Drake is, presumably. Let’s move on.
Remember when Manny got all “badass” a few seasons in? She was like 13… in Canada… in the early 2000s… so badass basically meant hoop earrings and Juicy sweatsuits. Remember when Manny got an abortion that one time and The N didn’t air the episode at first? In like 2004? I do. Since Degrassi, Cassie has appeared in My Babysitter’s a Vampire (a TV movie that was a parody of Twilight) and The L.A. Complex. I never saw that, but wish I had because Jewel Staite was in it. That will be significant to the two of you who remember Space Cases from ‘90s Nickelodeon. Cassie released an e.p. in 2012.
Alex Steele – Angie Jeremiah
Then.
Now.
OK, during season like 22 of Degrassi: TNG, little Angie showed up as an entirely new character. Apparently Degrassi is like the Law & Order of Toronto, that way.
Then. RIP, those stupid button-up shirts with flames on the bottom.
Now.
I just learned that the character of J.T. was stabbed to death at one point since I stopped watching the show. So, R.I.P James Tiberius, I guess. That baby he had during that stupid plotline with Liberty will never know him. Well, not that he would have, anyway.
Ryan has appeared in a few tv series since Degrassi, all probably Canadian. Per twitter, he has some kind of job where he works in an office. He bills himself as a tech enthusiast, so I’m guessing something with computers or, like, robots. He apparently studied theater in college, and was on a YouTube series last year.
Miriam has appeared on a few TV series since leaving Degrassi, including Orphan Black, which is one of our favs! Wikipedia calls her an “occasional dancer,” which presumably means something a little more than dancing around her kitchen, and a little less than appearing on the now-defunct SYTYCD: Canada. She put a yoga vid on Twitter lately, if you like yoga, Twitter, or Miriam McDonald.
So Craig is like… kiiiiind of a smokeshow now, right? Just getting that out of the way. He was in My Babysitter’s A Vampire with Cassie Steele, as well as Paradise Falls, which you’re more likely to have seen. Jake appeared in the national tour of American Idiot – national meaning United States ( in Canada, touring — like burying the dead and collecting maple syrup — has to occur after things start to thaw, which is why there aren’t so many tours there). Jake has had an active theater career in Ontario, and hit Broadway for the first time last year as an understudy for the title character in Spider-man. In an upcoming Broadway musical, he’ll be playing Carole King’s husband. Like, Carole King as a character, not Carole King as an actress.
Sarah Barrable-Tishaur – Liberty VanZandt
Then.
Now.
Sarah’s linkdin page is crazy. Good crazy. She has done a lot of legit stuff since DeGrassi, don’t get me wrong. She went to Concordia university and did stuff during her college career other than watching a lot of daytime TV, which is already impressive to me. She worked as a media consultant for a school, and as a Senior Graphic Designer at Canadians for Justice and Peace in the Middle East. Right now she’s a freelance Communications Consultant and Media Content Developer. And there, in the middle of all of that good stuff, is “Lead Actor, Liberty Van Zandt at Degrassi: The Next Generation.” Coolest employment history footnote ever. I mean I think my most interesting one is “hostess in a bird costume.”
Don’t even get me started on Liberty’s pregnancy.
Shane Kippel – Spinner Mason
Then.
Now??
Shane was on Degrassi for nine years. Nine. YEARS. So, he hasn’t done too much since then, bcause he’s only been off of the show for like 2 years. Evidently Shane was on Combat Hopsital, and plays drums for a Toronto-based band called Dear Love.
Now. Y’all can just scroll up to this picture for the Adamo Ruggiero “now,” too. Sorry, spoiler.
Remember that talent show where Paige rewrote her song at the last minute to be about that time she got date-raped? That was some pretty heavy stuff for a tween series. Good job, Canada. Say what you will about me watching Degrassi when I was already like 17, Paige had a serious character arc. Plus, she was in a Degrassi parody video, so I’ve decided that Lauren is my dream Degrassi bestie. Lauren was in Charlie Bartlett and a Disney Channel Original about Sharpay. She hosts an MTV series called “1 Girl 5 Gays,” which I immediately disapprove of because that title reminds me of “2 Girls 1 Cup” and I’d rather not even know what that means, much less think about it.
Marco was in a “gay-themed Christmas flick” called – wait for it – Make The Yuletide Gay. And you KNOW the producers went back and forth on that title and something with donning “gay apparel” for weeks. It was NOT gay-themed Christmas porn, which the title made me worry about a little. I guess people liked it, because a sequel is forthcoming.
You remember Elllie because she was badass, albeit in a more goth/alternative way than Manny. In early 2000s Canada, that mostly meant that she dressed like Avril Lavigne. Ellie was troubled, and in the early 2000s the big plotline for troubled youths was cutting (today it’s cyberbullying; in the 90s it was probably eating disorders, in the 80s it was getting offered drugs that looked kind of like candy, and in the 70s, divorced parents. Nobody had problems before the 70s). After Degrassi, Stacey held a Teen Vogue internship and went to The New School to study creative writing. She appeared on 18 to Life (a CBC series) a few years ago. In my googling, I found that circa 2008 all these kids on Yahoo answers were asking if Stacey was pregnant. I feel like she was always really tiny thought? But also I stopped watching Degrassi when I went to college in like 2004, so maybe. She DID tweet that article by that woman who doesn’t want her daughter to be nice, but I think I might have tweeted that too. Fun fact: Farber was on the shortlist to play Juno, but that other tiny Canadian actress got it instead.
As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that most of the Degrassi guys have coalesced into one brown-haired Canadian boy in my memory. Sean was the brown-haired Canadian boy who was the “bad boy,” according to Wikipedia, but wasn’t that Spinner?
It looks like Daniel has taken a break from professional acting since Degrassi. He started a not-for-profit called Brightline Education, which is something about teenagers and the environment. Daniel graduated with honors from NYU, majoring in Political Communications. He is now working for ABC News.
You know what they say about homicidal teens on television: it’s always the one who seems like they’d probably do that, really. Ephraim has developed a long list of tv credits since Degrassi, notable because it is entirely made up of Canadian series I haven’t heard of before.
It’s Downton Abbey season again! Well, it is if you’re in the UK, anyway. All of the pre-Downton chatter has me thinking about the actors in real life. Some of them look the same in modern dress – Lord Grantham and Bates, for instance. When I see some of the other actors on a 21st century red carpet, I think they’re from some show I don’t watch. It’s like taking your great-grandma whom you’ve only seen in old photo albums and dressing her in skinny jeans. Honestly, though, some of them are secretly seriously attractive under that ‘20s garb. To wit:
Laura Carmichael – Edith Crawley
While Mary and Sybil carry the title of “Lady”, Edith’s title is “Poor.” As in, “Poor Edith always gets jilted” or “Poor Edith always tries to marry married men” or “Everyone Poor Edith knows dies tragically.” Yes, her sisters dealt with worse tragedies than her, but you have to admit that there’s a hangdog, unfortunate vibe surrounding Edith. The “Poor Edith” thing isn’t helped by Downton’s stylists. Compared to Mary and Sybil, Edith is certainly the dowdy sister. That’s all TV magic, though. When Laura Carmichael is out in modern-day clothes, she’s every bit as pretty as her on-screen sibs.
Rob James-Collier – Thomas
What a difference a buzz cut makes. While I do think Thomas isn’t half bad looking, you can’t deny that he’s a total dirtbag. Once Rob James-Collier has the layer of Thomas slime scrubbed off, he looks like such a nice guy.
Sophie McShera – Daisy
She’s playing a scullery maid, so this isn’t necessarily fair. Still, the fact remains that Daisy looks pretty plain on-screen. Casting directors must have seen some rough in the diamond, because is actually super-pretty.
Thomas Howes – William
Proof that everyone looks dopier with slicked-down hair.
Siobhan Finneran – Mrs O’Brien
I KNOW, right? Between the weird sausage curl bangs, Victorian spinster dress, and dour attitude, O’Brien is unappealing to say the least. It’s a huge shock that in 2013, Siobhan Finneran looks like she’d play a pretty teacher or nice young mom.
Dan Stevens – Matthew Crawley
Brown hair? Good. Facial hair? Good. A beard that looks like it’s been blasted with spray snow? Not so good. If Dan Stevens would trim up that frizzy beard and hit it with some Just For Men, I’d call his 21st century self a major upgrade.
Lesley Nicol – Mrs. Patmore
The biggest difference is definitely in the downstairs folk, and you have to admit that this is pretty remarkable.At least at first, Mrs. Patmore is that scary boss everyone’s had at least once. She isn’t even married, but they call her Mrs. anyway, just to show that she’s wed to the kitchen. She’s kind of grumpy and frumpy, but I can’t snark on Patmore’s hair because it’s exactly what mine looks like with no product or if I’m late for work. Yep, I’m definite downstairs material. Lesley Nicol in her 21st century gear reminds me that sometimes a little hair straightener goes a long way.
Has everyone recovered from Sunday’s episode of Breaking Bad yet? Are we still in denial that that was the last season premiere ever? The correct answers are no, and yes, respectively.
With Breaking Bad’s last eight (now seven) episodes airing in the next couple of months, it prompts us to reflect on the past five seasons with shock and awe, wondering how we ever lived without this show in our lives.
It made us laugh, made us cry, made us angry, and probably most paramount of all – make us scream WHAT THE FUCK at our TV screens like lunatics time after time.
So while we impatiently await the next episode but still want it to never end, the least we can do is take a look back at some of the greatest WTF moments throughout the years.
Season 1, Episode 2: Cat’s in the Bag
It’s only the series’ second episode, and (creator) Vince Gilligan has the balls to write something like this scene. Actually, one of the reasons I’m assuming he wrote the infamous bathtub scene is that he wanted to show that ‘hey, this isn’t a regular TV show. We’re taking risks here and you should watch what we’re doing.’ If that’s what he was going for, it worked, because this was the first time I realized this show was going to be like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Also it was absolutely disgusting.
Season 1, Episode 6: Crazy Handful of Nothin’
In addition to the dead tub guy (a drug dealer), Walt manages to kill another dealer, Krazy-8, just three episodes in. The guy who replaces Krazy-8 is a guy named Tuco, who we see a lot of in the series. When Jesse goes to make a deal with Tuco, he gets beat up bad, and steals the meth. In retaliation of stealing Walt’s precious blue drug, he blows up Tuco’s safe house by throwing a crystalline nugget to the floor. SCIENCE, BITCH.
Season 2, Episode 12: Phoenix
This is one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series. Jesse finally finds love with Jane (played by Krysten Ritter), who I only knew as Rory’s annoying friend at Yale on Gilmore Girls. Anyways, although they were both users, Jesse found someone – and somewhere- to focus his life on besides drug dealing. And it all went down the drain overnight when they used and fell asleep. Meanwhile, Walt makes a deal with Gus (our good amigo Gus), who offers to buy the blue meth but gives him only an hour to deliver the drugs. Obviously Jesse isn’t answering bc he’s half dead, so Walt breaks into his apartment to find the J + J asleep – until Jane turns over it all goes downhill. Walt watches Jane die without helping her, and we watch Walter White turn into Heisenberg in mere seconds.
Season 3, Episode 7: One Minute
{starts at 3:49}
It’s Hank Vs. the scary as hell Salamanca twins. That’s all you need to know. There is blood involved. You need to know that too.
Season 3, Episode 12: Half Measures
Jesse wants revenge against the drug dealers who killed his buddy Combo, and who are also selling Walt & Jesse’s blue meth. The only catch is that the guys are using an 11-year-old kid to sell the drugs – and he was the one who shot Jesse friend too. But because Jesse’s main character ‘flaw’ is that he’s good at heart, he can’t go through with killing the dealers. So when they’re about to come face to face, Walt rolls in to “save the day” … in his own Heisenberg way.
Season 3, Episode 13: Full Measure
One of the best season finales ever, Walt orders Jesse kills Gale, the nerdy chemist who is the only one who can perfectly duplicate WW’s blue meth recipe. But again, Jesse needs to prove himself by letting go of his ‘conscience’ and just kill Gale. Except the episode ends with the camera on Jesse, staring down the barrel of the gun, pointing it directly into Gale’s face, and the screen fades to black. HELLO?!
Season 4, Episode 1: Box Cutter
We had to wait an entire year – A YEAR – to find out what happened after Jesse shot Gale. So suck on that all you binge watchers – try waiting an entire year for a resolution to the Gale story. But this – this episode showed us just how much of a monster Gus was. Warning: a lot of blood. A LOT.
Season 4, Episode 13: Face Off
Easily the most shocking thing that’s ever happened in the history of television, I bet my entire DVD collection that no one could have seen this coming. I had to watch it at least three times to make sure it really happened. HIS. FUCKING. TIE.
Season 5, Episode 5: Dead Freight
Oh hey, Landry from Friday Night Lights! You’re such a good guy – except for that time in season two when you *SPOILER ALERT* killed the guy who attacked Tyra and threw his body into the river. But I mean other than that, you’re just a kid who made it on the football team and loves playing in a metal band called Crucifictorious, so you definitely wouldn’t be able to kill an innocent kid who just happened to stumble upon an illegal scheme. Oh that’s right – you’re not Landry, you’re crazy Todd, who would ACTUALLY DO THAT.
Season 5, Episode 7: Say My Name
{starts at 3:05}
TBH, I didn’t really care that much for Mike, until season five. We saw the softer side of him, and we also saw Jesse bond with Mike in a way that he never could with Walt. So by the time this episode came around, it was absolutely heartbreaking to see him go after being so close to getting out of the business.
Season 5, Episode 8: Gilding Over All
Before Walt killed Mike, he refused to give up the name of his nine henchmen, who Mike had been paying off to keep their mouths shut. Mike manages to get the names from Lydia, and Walt arranges for all nine guys + Mike’s lawyer to all be killed at once. Thanks to Landry’s Todd’s ties to some Aryan gang in the prison (because fucker is shady as shit), the prisoners kill the nine guys all at once in one of the most scary scenes I’ve ever scene. I don’t like horror movies, but this is more than good enough to take its place.
Cookies + Sangria 