Live Blog: Halloweentown

Posted in Entertainment, Live Blogs by Molly

Welcome to our second Halloween Throwback Live Blog (the first was Hocus Pocus). Live blogging Halloweentown was a no-brainer: we love the 90s, we love live blogging terrible tv movies, and we love Disney Channel Original Movies (that’s DCOMs to all of y’all). Plus, Halloweentown is airing on the Disney Channel tonight! Read this to do your prep work, or follow along during the broadcast. I promise you would have predicted all of the spoilers anyway. Without further ado, your companion to Halloweentown:

– I’m already thinking this is going to be better than I remember, because one of the first things to show up on the credits is “Music by Mark Mothersbaugh”. You may remember that he did the spot-on music for Rugrats. Also, a little project called Devo.

– Fun fact: the main character, a Winnie Cooper-ish 13-year-old, is named Marnie. The timeline just about adds up for her to be the same age as the character in Girls today. So, if you get bored during this, just imagine the teen witch (SPOILER!) growing up to be Marnie Michaels.

Danica McKellar was presumably busy doing ‘oh God anything but this.’

– This flick features one of my favorite 90s stock characters, the dweeby, infuriating younger brother a la Ferguson Darling.

– Well, I spent the whole first 5 minutes wondering why ~~Winnie’s~~ Marnie’s wearing a Halloween costume when the whole plot is that her mom won’t let the kids go Trick-Or-Treating. Then, I realize that this is probably just an outfit in 1998.

– Marnie and her mom, Gwen, argue about trick-or-treating. Bam. Say what you will about DCOMs, we are five minutes in and the movie has already passed Bechdel test.

– Annoying younger brother (Ferguson, I’m calling him) says that talking about their father – who the kids don’t know – always bums their mom out. Why are so many childrens’ movies predicated on the idea that mama used to get around? Or maybe he’s dead.

– The kids’ grandma, Aggie, shows up and is a total witch.

– Aggie, by the way? Debbie Freakin’ Reynolds. Well, they can’t all be Singin In The Rain. If we learned anything from Hocus Pocus, it’s that children’s Halloween films are where beloved elder actresses go when they just don’t care anymore.

– Also, Gwen is Judith Hoag, so hell, they can’t even all be Nashville.

– After what seems like minutes (but, like, a lot of minutes), ~~Tandy~~ Gwen finally lets Aggie tell the kids a story. See, although a lot of movies have the trope where a parent is super strict but it’s for a very good reason the kids can’t know about, I still think Gwen kind of sucks.

– Aggie brings a picture book with crude illustrations of witches and goblins. Marnie loves it because it’s “all the stuff [she’s] into.” Things Marnie’s Into: (1) Drawings that look like they were made on Microsoft Paint, I guess.

I’m just going to go ahead and say that the entire budget went to Debbie Reynolds.

– Did every girl in the 90s have a white wicker bed, or was that just on tv?

– Aggie – wearing a diaphanous blouse that makes her look like Stevie Nicks as played by Debbie Reynolds – argues with Gwen that Marnie’s witch education should be done by now (Bechdel!). So, this is basically a way-less cool version of Harry Potter. Forget an owl on your 11th birthday, in Halloweentown-verse, you find out you’re a witch when your grandma visits.

– Marnie is surprisingly chill for a child who just discovered that she and her relatives are all supernatural beings. Meanwhile, I found out I’m part English last year and I’m still trying to get my head around it.

– Marnie and Ferg-wad sneak onto grandma’s super secret witch bus – which is just a school bus rocking back and forth in front of a green screen. Well, it’s no Knight Bus, that’s for certain. It’s like this whole thing was written by J.K. Rowling’s less-imaginative cousin.

– You don’t have to do a Halloweentown drinking game, but if you are, you should chug every time Ferguson Darling refers to himself as “the man of the house,” because he does it kind of a lot.

– It appears that everyone in Halloweentown is in costume, so who knows, maybe Aggie is going as Stevie Nicks this year.

– Fergie and Marnie’s sister, Sophie, followed them there. Oh yeah. Now’s a good time to mention that there’s a little sister. There was really no reason to talk about her before. She’s a generic brunette child with bangs.

– The kiddos run into a warlock who tells them that he “knew their mother a long time ago.” Knew biblically? Is he the baby daddy? Why is there so much Maury Povich and so little magic?

– Obligatory Disney meta-reference, re: skeleton chauffer: “He’s probably animatronic; Disney Land’s full of stuff like that.” But honestly? I’ve seen better spooky special effects in the part of the Haunted Mansion ride when the ghost appears next to you in the car.

– Revelation: the people in Halloweentown aren’t in costume, they’re actually supposed to be whatever it is that they’re dressed as. It’s bad, though. The Frankenstein, for instance, looks like a regular guy in a $7.99 latex Frankenstein mask from Party City.

– Marnie’s ready to begin witch training. Her Grandma needs another Cromwell lady to fight some kind of villain, who I already know is going to be way less cool than Voldemort — and I mean less cool than any incarnation of Voldemort, including under-the-turban Voldemort and Tom Riddle Voldemort.

– Luke, the Halloweentown “bad boy,” looks like a tough 13-year-old from the 50s. He has the face of Eddie Haskell, a hairdo that looks like a duck’s ass, and a sassy cropped vest.

– I believe that in Harry Potter parlance, we just learned that Marnie is a mudblood. In English parlance, she’s wearing a big freaking scrunchie.

– The mayor and Gwen reunite and I totally called it: they used to bone.

Gwen: You used to let the magic do the talking.

Mayor: You used to like it – or are you forgetting that part?

Marnie: I guess you like magic when he does it, huh?

– “You’re not a witch just because grandma says you are.” – Gwen, offering reassurance to every girl whose grandma just doesn’t like her very much.

– Disney throws in a hastily-written b-plot to make things more exciting for the older kids. The bad guy stands in an abandoned movie theater and explains what’s going on. It’s like the exposition version of deus ex machina – just really fast-tracking it.

– I worked at a movie theater for like 5 years, and my scariest movie theater story is that one time a teen couple had sex in the theater during Flushed Away, an animated feature about rats and poop.

Anyway. There’s a wicked spell, a bad guy who wants … something to do with power, people being turned into statues, and a magical talisman. Because there’s always a magical talisman in these things (Aggie has it). It’s like a winning row in scary movie bingo.

– Gwen and Aggie get petrificus totalus-ed. Accio, the last hour of my life! Please.

– Marnie says “duh!” because she’s not even cool enough for “doy!”

– Marnie: “We’re Cromwells! Together we can conquer anything!” (Anything like… Ireland? Seriously odd surname choice there, Disney)

– There’s a really pointless scene (as in, more than the other scenes even) with a Halloweentown hairdresser who’s like a lame, cat-like version of Cinna from The Hunger Games – doing the hair of a woman who looks like she’s from The Capital. He keeps saying “yeah, baby!” and I think Disney thinks it can make this movie funny by quoting Austin Powers.

– Sophie saves the day by remembering the spell. Pretty clear who’s the Hermione and who’s the Lavender Brown here (too soon?).

– We learn that spells are simple. “You just have to want it, and let yourself have it!” So now we know where that guy who’s making a ton of money from The Secret got the idea.

– GAME CHANGER. He Who Shall Not Be Named (because I forget his name… because it was stupid) morphs into Gwen’s ex-lover.

– Marnie drops the magic stick into a giant jack-o-lantern and defeats Voldumbort. Apparently his name is Kalibar. I spent a while looking for a cool anagram in there, but again, this is no J.K. Rowling. Unless Bail Ark means something. Maybe it does – as in “abandon ship? this movie is sinking?”

– Fergwad is a warlock, which is convenient for when Marnie inevitably gets Menudo-ed out of the Halloweentown franchise.

– Luke is nice, and as it turns out, troll-faced. He was under a spell before. Aggie is going to move in with the family to babysit. It’s over. Thank goodness. Good night.

11Oct2013

Where Are They Now: Tween Nazis

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Traci

Please note: Tween Nazis doesn’t refer to young folks between the ages of 10 and 12 years old, who grew up following the leadership of Adolf Hitler. I am absolutely not doing a where are they now on them. No, the tween Nazis I’m referring to is the young singing duo of Prussian Blue.

Prussian Blue consists of twin sisters Lamb and Lynx Gaede, who rose to popularity in 2003 as being the bright, blonde, blue-eyed girls who sang white nationalist pop. What, you weren’t into them? For some reason, I remember Molly and I being fascinated with these girls, mainly because we couldn’t believe they existed in real life.

For a little backstory, the twins were born Bakersfield, California and raised by parents April and Bill Gaede. Their mom was even a member of racist fringe groups including the National Alliance and the National Vanguard.

The girls began to write songs and learn how to play instruments, penning songs like “Hitler Is Our Hero” and “Aryan Man Awake”. They recorded two albums and even toured Europe, performing at white nationalist organizations. They even went on to say that they believed the Holocaust was a “myth,” and in fact, the name Prussian Blue refers to the by-product of the poisonous substance used to gas Jews in concentration camps. Classy kids, these two.

Their story was even transformed into a musical a few years ago called White Noise, a project even Whoopi Goldberg backed. While it didn’t find the steam to take it all the way to Broadway, one thing for sure is that Prussian Blue became the talk of newsmagazines across every major network, as these two ‘cherubic’ girls were being used to perpetuate white supremacist propaganda.

To give you a taste of their music, here’s a song called Victory Day. I really hate to give this video more views, but I feel like I need to give y’all proof that these girls were for real.

Anyone else offended by the fact that they became popular – but actually have horrible voices? I mean like, racism aside?

So where are these gals now, you ask? Are they still touring Europe with their inspirational songs?

Thank God, the answer is no. This is Lamb and Lynx Gaede today:

Total hipsters.

Now 21 years old, the girls moved from California to Montana (apparently their mom wanted to move to a more white state). As of 2011, Lamb and Lynx put their hate pop careers behind them, insisting they don’t believe in the messages they used to sing about anymore.

In an interview in 2011, Lynx tried to explain why they got into the business in the first place, saying, “My sister and I were home-schooled. We were these country bumpkins. We spent most of our days up on the hill playing with our goats.”

Lamb adds, “I was just spouting a lot of knowledge that I had no idea what I was saying.”

So take note kids, if you want to become semi-successful in a very niche music market, just do what you’re told and don’t ask questions, even if they seem like they could be extremely offensive.

They both live in Montana still, with Lamb living on her own and working as a hotel maid, and Lynx lives with their mother, stepdad and half-sister, Dresden (the names of these children, good lord) in a home near Lamb. As a freshman in high school, Lynx was diagnosed with cancer and a large tumor was removed from her shoulder. She also suffers from a rare condition called CVS, Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, which sounds like the most horrible disease in the world.

Unfortunately Lamb has suffered from a few health problems as well, including scoliosis and chronic back pain, as well as lack of appetite and emotional stress… wonder where that came from.

But the one thing that helps them get through the day? Pot. Yes, you read that right.

Lynx reveals, “I have to say, marijuana saved my life. I would probably be dead if I didn’t have it.”

In fact, the two made more history as they became one of the first five minors to get a medical marijuana card in Montana. What a great fun fact to use when forced to play icebreaker games in college.

Speaking of which, they still hope to enroll in college, and are on a mission to make medical marijuana legal all across the U.S. Meanwhile, they’re still keeping their artistic juices flowing, with painting and for Lynx, restoring old furniture.

While their mom believes their mild music stardom was just going to be “a little fun thing to do,” and the twins don’t exactly believe every wold they used to sing, they still have some traces of white supremacy in their ideology.

When asked about their outlook on the Holocaust now, Lynx replied, “I think certain things happened. I think a lot of the stories got misconstrued. I mean, yeah, Hitler wasn’t the best, but Stalin wasn’t, Churchill wasn’t. I disagree with everybody at that time.”

Lamb agreed with her sister and said, “I just think everyone needs to frickin’ get over it. That’s what I think. We just want to come from a place of love and light. I think we’re meant to do something more – we’re healers. We just want to exert the most love and positivity we can.”

There you have it folks. They’re healers now.

9Oct2013

IDGAF: A Life Lesson From A Fed Up Twenty-Something

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Miscellany by Traci

“I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things.” – our patron saint Amy Poehler {x}

In about two weeks, I will be flying off to Miami, boarding a Carnival cruise, and shipping off to the Bahamas.

Oh, and BTW, it’s a cruise with the Backstreet Boys. Yes, you read that right. It’s one of those cruises that celebrities do to engage with their fans in a different way. these things are becoming more and more common, with everything from a Dancing with the Stars cruise to a Broadway Legends cruise, all going to some island in the Caribbean with hundreds of people willing to pay money to hang out with their favorite celebrities.

Top Chef stars were actually on the boat, not floating around it…

If you’ve been a reader of this blog for a while or even know me irl you know that my love for BSB isn’t new. This has been an interest of mine for the past 18 years. But it’s only been over the past year or so that I’ve really owned up to it.

I basically attribute this to the fact that as I get older, I just don’t give a fuck what people think anymore. I mean that in the not caring about the negatives way, not in the constructive criticism way. I appreciate the latter. As I was growing up, I wouldn’t say I necessarily touted the fact I was a huge BSB/pop music fan, but I also wasn’t hiding it. I felt that if I showed it off too much, there would inevitably be that one person to make fun of me and my teenage self confidence would be forever broken. Obviously, to this day, it’s still not considered “cool” to like BSB, boy bands or even pop music in general, especially years after their height of fame.

But now I don’t care anymore. What it really comes down to for me now is why do we judge people’s interest in the first place?

Think of it this way: what is your guilty pleasure? Honey Boo Boo? Housewives? That one song by Katy Perry?

Now ask yourself: why is this “guilty” at all?

Because the professional critics pan it? Because it may be popular but it’s not contributing anything to society? Because it’s simply not “cool” to like it?

Why do we even care? Why are we even judging others in the first place? We spend too much time worrying about others when all we really need to do is worry about ourselves and how we’re living our best lives. Why keep apologizing or living with shame when we could be more confident and comfortable with who we really are? Why does it matter if your neighbor is a One Direction fan – I mean it would matter if they’re a 50 year old woman who’s legit stalking them and collecting enough memorabilia to be on an episode of Hoarders, in which case you should probably call the police or something.

We should never feel guilty over something that brings us joy to our lives. Just because I like the Backstreet Boys and obsess over Pretty Little Liars theories, it doesn’t mean I don’t know the correct way to pronounce John “Boehner” or what country Bashar Al-Assad is the President of.

A couple of my friends and I were talking about this the other day, and I brought up how my boss at work found out that I was going on this cruise, and the first time he asked me about it, there was this sense of ‘I’m judging you right now’ in his voice. This is a 40-something year old man who is mainly into punk rock. But because my boss and I aren’t really friends and hang out and have deep conversations with each other, me liking BSB is really the only thing he knows about me. He was writing a story about Nick Carter and his fiancee and asked me if I “had a voodoo doll of her in my room”…. The answer is no, for all those wondering. But his comment really irked me. Of course I don’t have a voodoo doll of this celebrity’s fiancee because I am not crazy nor a delusional 12 year old who thinks that I still have a chance at romancing him. Plus I’m an AJ girl anyways.

There’s a scene in Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts who doesn’t have a favorite way to take her eggs. Richard Gere’s character points out that with all her past boyfriends/fiances, she’s always deemed her favorite type of egg with whatever her significant other liked. Priest Brian liked scrambled, so she did too. Bug Guy liked poached and poached was her fave too. And spoiler alert: towards the end of the movie she ventures off to find out which one she likes the best because she likes it- not because she’s influenced by someone else.

As I get older, I have a greater sense of what I like, what kind of people I want to surround myself with -exactly how I like my eggs. Life’s too short to focus on the negative or live a life fearing what others think of you. If it’s not helping others, it’s certainly not helping you, so just distance yourself from the negative bullshit, the peer pressure, the crowd mentality. Think for yourself and no one else.

Because, you know, YOLO.

8Oct2013

90s Fashion Myths vs. Realities

Posted in Outfit Girl by Molly

** A lot of the pictures have broken since we first wrote this, and we see you, and we’ll be fixing it ASAP. **

Listen, young ladies on tumblr. You’re all into the 90s look, and that’s great, I suppose. I mean, from my perspective it’s the very definition of not great, because it means that I am now old enough to have worn a “vintage” trend the first time around, but bully for you.

Here’s the deal, though. You’re getting it wrong. Your romanticized version of the 90s is super cute, but that’s not how it was. It was awkward, frumpy, and all around unfortunate. Our shirts were too wide and short by a good stretch. Our jeans made us look ice cream cone-shaped. Regardless of season or latitude, everyone was dressed for a Seattle winter. Inspired by our live blog of Hocus Pocus, I present a fashion companion to all you tumblr girls who were born after the early 90s: You Weren’t There, You Wouldn’t Understand

Jeans

Myth:

Everyone wore distressed, slouchy “boyfriend” pants or sleek, high-waisted, taper-legged denim.

Reality:

Yeah. Our waists were high all right. But do you know what lay between the high waist and the tapered ankle? A foot-long butt. While the modern iteration of these pants has a slim fit, there was no “skinny’ in 90s jeans. Rather, there was a ton of fabric, so that your frame would blossom out after your waist, only to end in a vice grip around your ankles. We all looked like gorgeous ice cream cones.

In terms of denim, the acid wash and stone wash we wore had NOTHING in common with today’s distressed denim. It looked almost like the cover of a marble composition notebook. We didn’t do subtlety very well back then. And if you weren’t wearing that – and this never shows up on your tumblrs – you were wearing super-bright, almost indigo blue denim.

Flannel

Myth:

We all wore big, cozy flannel shirts a la Kurt Cobain or – let’s be real – Angela Chase.

Reality:

Well, we did… kind of. I remember being so excited in second grade to get a slouchy flannel for Christmas – so I could look like Cory Matthews. So, I want you to think less Nirvana and more TGIF. Most of us didn’t look like angsty grunge musicians, we looked like honor roll kids from nice families who were trying to stay comfy.

Leggings

Myth:

Underneath our Seattle flannels or stylish tunic tops, we showed off our toned, aerobicized legs in leggings, topped off with Doc Martins.

Reality:

Every kind of pants in the 90s made you look like you were wearing diapers. I think leggings had a little less elastic then, plus most of the ones we had were stirrup leggings. Yeah. In the 90s, stirrups weren’t just for horseback riding and your gyno’s office. So, pants were well secured at the waist and ankles, and kind of saggy and sad in between. On our feet? Keds.

Hair

Myth:

Our hair fell in long, devil-may-care waves and curls, kind of like Lorde.

Reality:

Those big 80s bangs didn’t really die until the mid-90s. We didn’t wear loose waves, we wore spiral perms. If you wanted to look really polished, you probably had The Rachel, and if you wanted to look really professional, you had Princess Diana’s haircut. In the late 90s, we didn’t wear long, subtle side bangs like all of you kids. We had light fringes that we painstakingly curled under with round brushes, so your forehead was under a protective hair-dome. There was a lot of half-up, half-down happening. Lots of claw clips. Scrunchies. Seasonal scrunchies, classy scrunchies, denim scrunchies. One of the first times I remember getting a big laugh in a crowded room, I was about 5 and was making up a commercial for scrunchies at Thanksgiving with my extended fam. “Scrunchies! Because real bracelets are for snobs! Scrunchies! Because you could put it in your hair later, maybe!” (See, the whole thing with scrunchies was that they just ended up on everyone’s wrists).

Businesswear

Myth:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of power pieces – be it menswear-inspired suspenders, or tiny suits a la Ally McBeal.

Reality:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of shoulder pads – it wasn’t just the 80s. She’s also responsible for that thing where you wear big, ugly sneakers with business clothes in order to go power walking. 90s women wore a ton of horrible flat-front khakis. The Adult Jumper was going strong, and not just for teachers.

Neon

Myth:

Totally radical!

Reality:

Totally dopey.

Riot Grrl

Myth:

We wore baby doll dresses as a subtle critique of the infatilization of adult women – ditto for those baby barrettes. These were paired with heavy, down-to-business boots. Zines as far as the eye can see.

Reality:

Sure. We all wore baby doll dresses with baby barrettes and boots — because Stephanie Tanner did. I’m sure it was different if you were in high school or college, but if you were a kid in the 90s you probably weren’t wearing these fashions to fight the patriarchy with Kathleen Hanna and Courtney Love. You just wanted to look like people on TV.

Music

Myth:

While we wore our sweet tumblr-y fashions, we listened to the latest indie tunes from mix tapes that we ordered from the back of a zine.

Reality:

Celine Dion. Natalie Merchant. A lot of pseudo-intellectualism: “tell me all your thoughts on God,” e.g. Harmonicas without irony. Actually, everything without irony. That’s what separates real 90s style from the (admittedly better) 2010s revival, and the best thing about the decade: we really, earnestly meant all of this.

7Oct2013

Not All Rainbows & Unicorns: The Lisa Frank Story

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Miscellany by Traci

Attention kids girls of the 90s: LISA FRANK IS A REAL PERSON. AND SHE HAS A FACTORY IN TUSCON, ARIZONA.

And that factory, which used to be a bustling mecca for young girls who only dreamt in technicolor, is now a concrete mirage in the middle of the desert with only six employees.

Of course, if you were one of those kids who totally gave in to the lure of multi-colored, fantastically designed trapper keepers and folders that made absolutely no sense at all you know how popular her items were when you showed up at school with her products.

But over the years, LF slowly became items you would wax nostalgic, partly because there were other designs that became more popular and partly because we reached college and didn’t (necessarily) need her assistance anymore.

Last year, Urban Outfitters deemed it ‘vintage’ enough to bring it back to life, and reintroduced a bunch of LF items into their stores. From t-shirts to folders, to notepads and stickers, the hipster company showed a whole new generation of kids how cool this company was – is.

They even visited the factory for a behind the scenes look at the headquarters, but for some odd reason, Lisa wanted to keep some form of anonymity…

So after watching this, I was a little confused, uncomfortable, disappointed in what I just saw. First of all, Lisa is a self-professed ‘lunatic.’ Okay. Second, LF designs make me feel happy, upbeat, euphoria in a sense that I imagine only users of acid or ‘molly’ feel. This factory seemed stark, cold, perhaps even under some insane dictatorship to Frank herself. The whole thing was unsettling.

Upon doing more research (and reading the most depressing article ever), I discovered that this was not always the case. Back in its heyday, the company employed around 350 people. And it went down to six over the course of a year. LF fans who traveled to Tuscon just to see the inside of this ‘magical place’ could even go on a tour of the factory – until about a year and a half ago. There isn’t even a receptionist in the lobby to great you with rainbows and butterflies – only a telephone with instructions that will direct you to an actual human being.

Lisa Frank herself, in 2003, still with a smile on her face, still allowing people to see her face.

Apparently, most of this downfall stemmed from Lisa’s divorce from her husband/co-business partner in 2005. She sued him, and a series of other legal problems hit her in the following years. Unfortunately, it’s still ongoing, but Lisa is still standing with her company.

It’s obviously a sad turn for a company I revered as a staple of our generation’s childhood, but of course this story is all too common with organizations with ‘fad’ items such as these. But who knows. Everything that is old becomes new again, right? Lisa Frank always seemed like a positive company to me, so why not keep looking at it that way? Maybe there’s still a glimmer of hope that those factory doors will open once more, and we can show our kids just how cool those tap dancing bears and golden retrievers were, not just when we were growing up – but for their childhoods too.

3Oct2013

Shows You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: #Scandal

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

For me, summer isn’t just about basking in the sun, vacations and 90 degree days. It’s the perfect time to get caught up on the TV series that I have been meaning to watch but don’t have time to during the regular TV season. So this is the list I made for myself this summer:

I’d like to point out that American Dreams was a rewatch and I actually decided to watch all four seasons of The League over It’s Always Sunny, purely because there were far less episodes. I mean, get a life.

Scandal was one of those, ‘I’ll watch it if I get around to it’, not one of those ‘I need to see this immediately because it’s literally been called the best series in the history of TV’. So color me surprised when I actually found myself not only liking Scandal, but becoming obsessed with it.

Now I’m not a newcomer to Shondaland, I’ve been with the kids at Seattle Grace since they were interns, and I just realized that I called it Seattle Grace, when it’s actually called Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital (RIP), an I’ve seen the folks over at Oceanside Wellness with my boo Taye Diggs. So I’m well aware of the addictive TV crack Shonda Rhimes stirs into her beloved shows. But I didn’t expect it to be this good.

Scandal begins its highly-anticipated third season TONIGHT, and I’m here to tell you that if you haven’t spent the summer (read: one week) catching up on the past 29 episodes, you’ve wasted your time. But – it’s never too late. Here are 5 reasons why you should start DVR-ing the third season now, and after reading this post, go directly to Netflix and watch the first two seasons. I’m telling you – it’s that good.

Before we start, here’s the basic plot:

Meet Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington. Former White House Director of Communications, overall HBIC.

She also exists on a diet of wine and popcorn.

She runs Olivia Pope & Associates, a crisis management firm that handles major scandals in Washington, D.C. and fixes them. Her team is comprised of her ‘Gladiators’ (which is also the nickname for Scandal fans): Harrison, Huck, Abby and Quinn.

Meet President Fitzgerald Grant. Leader of the free world, sexy grown ass man, former Ghost villain.

He is married to another HBIC in her own right, First lady Mellie Grant. Fitz’s right-hand man and Chief of Staff is Cyrus Beene, a guy who is willing to do anything to keep the President the President, and probs the best actor on the show.

Other people of note: US Attorney for D.C., David Rosen (played by The West Wing’s Josh Malina), White House Reporter/Cyrus’ husband, James Novack (Emmy winner Dan Bucatinsky), and Officer Jake Ballard (Felicity’s other Ben, Scott Foley), who I won’t reveal his exact role in the show.

Oh BTW, Olivia and Fitz have been carrying on an affair ever since they met on his campaign trail, and have been off and on while he’s been in the White House. So you know, probably the biggest SCANDAL there is.

So wrong, it’s right.

If the basic plot wasn’t enough to convince you, here are 5 reasons to indulge in your next ~~guilty~~ pleasure:

5) Social Media

There’s a reason why I hashtagged ‘Scandal’ in the Post title. Scandal started as a midseason replacement last year. With only seven episodes, it still found a fan base, and was renewed for a second season. It seemed that with every passing week, it became bigger and bigger, and ABC execs finally decided to give it a full 22 episode season.

And a lot of its popularity is thanks to social media and word of mouth. I remember seeing it pop up more and more among the people I was following both on Twitter and Facebook, and it was the reason why I put it on my list in the first place. Since the show itself is highly addictive, people wanted to share their addiction with everyone else, and of course, in 2013, what better way to do that than with the internet?

Apparently Kerry went to Shonda and suggested that the cast join Twitter (because she didn’t want to seem controlling over them!) and soon they began livetweeting along with their fans. Thursday nights became an event. If you couldn’t watch it in real time, don’t bother going on Twitter. It became a worldwide trend every week thanks to the #Gladiators, giving it even more free publicity than ever before. Between January and June of this year, almost 3.5 million tweets were sent about the show alone!

Now it’s come to the point where the cast gets together before the next episode airs and watches it together in order to prep for the live tweeting on Thursday. And let’s be honest, watching your favorite show along with the cast and other fans is pretty cool. So I’m warning you now, if you see #Scandal, #Gladiators, #TheStormIsComing or #Olitz trending on Twitter tonight, you’ll know why.

4) Fashion

Olivia Pope is a classy broad. A classy D.C. broad who makes thousands of dollars, and she lets her strong fashion sense be a reflection of her own strong character as a woman. Costume Desginer Lyn Paolo is the creative genius behind Olivia’s wardrobe, who picks the best of the best for Olivia. From Burberry capes to Dior evening coats to my personal fave, a Jean Fares gown that would even make me want to have an affair with Olivia (slash Kerry).

Fans have been dying over her style so much that Paolo and Scandal bosses partnered with Saks Fifth Avenue, and just yesterday, Kerry helped kickoff the collaboration at its flagship store in New York City. The famous window is curated by Paolo herself, which includes fashions are worn by Olivia, including Giorgio Armani, Donna Karan, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors and Carolina Herrera.

fyi, that is supposed to be kerry washington and tony goldwyn

3) Cast Camaraderie

Nothing makes my TV obsessed heart happier knowing that people on TV who play friends are actually friends IRL. And although there’s a lot of drama on screen, it doesn’t seem like there’s any drama off screen.

Like I mentioned before, the cast gets together at someone’s home the Sunday before the show airs, so they can watch the ep together for the first time in order to prepare for the live tweeting. And they post pix on Twitter of their gatherings (as seen above)! If you delve into the black hole of Scandal interviews on YouTube, you can clearly tell that they all really enjoy each others’ company, and even hang out when not on set.

They remind me of the Parks and Rec cast, which I think is probably the set I’d most like to hang out at, for many reasons, but mainly because it seems like they’re just friends tooling around, who happen to be filming a TV show together. That’s what Scandal is like.

2) Characters first, adjectives second

Shonda Rhimes is known for her “colorblind” casting. You can see it with Grey’s and you can see it on Scandal. Despite the fact that Olivia Pope is the first African-American lead actress on TV in a very long time, that’s not what she’s all about. She’s a powerful, confident woman first, and black woman second. In fact, her interracial relationship with Fitz isn’t even mentioned until halfway through season two, as seen in the clip above. Earlier in the episode, an angry Liv scolded Fitz for treating her like a Sally Hemmings to his Thomas Jefferson. In fact, race has only been mentioned a couple times throughout the series, and that’s really what it should be.

Also take Cyrus, a high-powered Republican who just happens to be gay. Just like Olivia, he isn’t defined by his sexuality. He’s defined by his ability, his fortitude, his passion and allegiance for his country, for the President.

Scandal proves that a TV show can have a diverse palate of characters, without them being the stereotypical “gay best friend,” or “sassy black girl.” They are just Cyrus and Olivia.

1) OLITZ

While my second reason on the list should be enough, let’s keep it real. The making of a really good drama/soap/Shonda Rhimes show is a hot relationship. And save for maybe Sam and Naomi from Private Practice, this is absolutely the hottest relationship to come out of Shondaland. Not only are Kerry and Tony extremely hot on their own, but they have an inexplicable chemistry that makes you feel like you’re being a voyeur into their sex lives. Seriously, just YouTube some of their scenes together if you want a sampling, but I’m telling you it’s hot hot hot! The clip above is from the pilot, where we first discover they’re having an affair. It gets sooo much hotter!)

Although I suppose the other thing that makes their love even hotter is that they’re divulging in forbidden territory. I think it’s easy for viewing to forget the onnneee little detail about “Olitz”: these two are committing adultery. We are rooting for CHEATERS. Well, a lot of us.

But I think that that’s amazing that a series can make us support people who we would otherwise judge in the outside world. Obviously no one is perfect, but the very thing that has most people tuning in is considered taboo in real life. What is right? What is wrong? Is it wrong because he’s married, or is it wrong because he’s forcing himself to stay in a relationship where his wife isn’t at the top of his list anymore? Would it be right to leave the First Lady and become the ‘Divorced President’, or just keep up the facade for the American public, knowing full well you’re living a lie?

As we’re about to delve into season there, we still haven’t figured out right from wrong, whether the Olitz relationship can still be strong or not, but one thing for sure is that if they’re gettin down dirty in the White House – we’ll be the pervs watching…

Scandal is on ABC, Thursdays at 10pm (No, I do not work for ABC or Scandal, I’m just insane)

2Oct2013

What Can I Do During The Government Shutdown?

Posted in Miscellany by Molly

After the last person to leave Congress turns out the lights, the government will be shut down. Pretty sure that’s how it works. If you’re a typical American, you are asking the question you ask when anything happens, ever: what does this mean for ME? We consulted real news sources and are ready to answer your questions:

Can I go to space during the government shutdown?

No, you can’t go to space. But you can go to space camp! Or up in a really high airplane! 80% of NASA is furloughed, so Space is closed. Perhaps you’d like to watch Space Jam instead?

Oh, awesome. I liked the part where you said I could go up in a really high airplane instead. So, I could do that?

Sure! But not if you’re into safety. 3,000 safety inspectors might be furloughed, and when your really high airplane inevitably fails and crashes, the accident investigators will also be furloughed. But if you are willing to take a risk that your plane would have passed a safety inspection, or want your heirs and survivors to have a fun mystery to solve after the crash, then you can still go up in an airplane. It’ll be like the Bobsey Twins! Or Nancy Drew! Those books are at libraries. Libraries were these things you could go to to get books for free, before the government shutdown. They might be closed now.

Flying sounds kind of risky. Can I go to the zoo during the government shutdown instead?

Well…. maybe. Park services will close, so if your zoo is not in the national park system, you’re in the clear. If your nearest zoo is a national park, you want to know a way more fun activity? Load your kids into the SUV, head to the closed zoo, and take a picture of your kids crying in front of it. Then, mail, text, or tweet that photo to the government officials who made this all possible.

What about national parks?

Many of them will close to traffic. But it’s 2013, and you can always look at pictures of nature on the Internet, instead! Also, with guards and staff furloughed at many national parks, you can do one better than touring a national park on the up-and-up. It’s sneakin’ in season! Sneak into Yellowstone! Sneak into the Grand Canyon! Sneak into Yosemite! Fall is in the air, leaves are changing, and it’s the perfect October to have a Huck Finn-esque adventure sneaking onto state land and enjoying the grandeur of nature’s bounty.

Cool. Where else can I sneak into?

Well, the Liberty Bell is closed, so why not sneak in and ring it? You might be able to sneak into the Statue of Liberty, or Ellis Island (just like your ancestors did!).

This government shutdown thing is rough. At least I could eat my feelings?

In America, you can always eat your feelings! But if you get your feelings through WIC (The Special Supplemental Nutrition Program For Women, Infants And Children), that could shut down. So, people with money and adult men, you may continue to eat your feelings. You’ve been getting by without WIC already.

Oooh. But the FDA may suspend inspections, except of meat. You may eat your feelings if you are not on WIC and have a strong intestinal constitution.

I should watch my weight anyway, because I have really bad cancer. It’s the pits. I should really try to get into one of those clinical trials.

Not at the National Institutes of Health, buckaroo! 255 trials for cancer patients will not be taking new patients.

No offense, but this sounds like a big pile of garbage.

No. Washington, DC is a big pile of garbage. Or it will be in a few weeks, because there is only so much money reserved for trash collection. Once it runs out your hardworking Congress members will be suffocated under a growing mountain of waste.

Maybe I should just die. Bury me at a national cemetery when I go.

Not so fast, buddy! The Board of Veterans Affairs is no longer issuing rulings, so there might not be anyone to approve your dignified state burial. However: Getting buried on government land under the cover of darkness is just as illegal as before, but there might not be any guards to catch you!

It’s government shutdown season. At least if you die, the government might not find out that your loved ones secretly buried you on Mount Rushmore.

1Oct2013

How Much Is That Beanie Baby In the eBay Window?

Posted in Lists, Miscellany by Traci

You know them, you had them, you hated them – Beanie Babies were a craze in the 90s, selling out in Hallmark and toys stores around the world in hopes that one day, they would be a gold mine. At least that’s what the original point of them was. Today, no one really cares about them anymore.

Ironically last month, Ty Warner, the creator of the 90s craze of stuffed animals, was charged with – dun dun dunnnnn – tax evasion. He allegedly kept $93 million in a secret offshore account at the United Bank of Switzerland (because, neutrality?) between 1996 and 2002, at the height of Beanie Baby popularity. In 2002, he failed to pay upwards of $1.2 million owed on the $3.1 million in income made through investments in the Swiss account. The guy has to pay more than $53 million in civil penalties and could also be in the clinker for a max of five years.

Welp. Looks like the Beanie Babies creator isn’t a billionaire like he thought he would be. And neither are the owners of hundreds of BB who had hoped they would be worth a fortune in the future. Now people are just trying to get rid of the damn things that are taking up too much space in their kids’ rooms. Mama just wants a new home gym, amirite ladies?

I am totally guilty of having a collection of these cute critters, and even had one of those books that listed all the available beanies, and I would check them off as I added them to my plethora of furry friends. I have no idea where they are now or what my mother has done with them, but I do know that I cannot be the only one who has a handful of these stored in my parents’ house.

In fact, there are people who are willing to let go of these items that still, one day, could be worth thousands of dollars (jk, these will never be worth anything frreal). Here are a few collectibles I found on eBay. Just try and guess how much these folks are selling them for. Whether it be too high or too low, either way, these things are too ridiculous for anyone to purchase at all.

CHOCOLATE THE MOOSE

(highlight the space between the arrows or click on the pic for the actual price!)

>>> $1.98 <<<

FLUTTER THE BUTTERFLY

“This is very desirable & sought after TY Beanie Baby. It has a 3rd Gen hang tag & a 2nd Gen tush tag. It is Mint with 99% mint hang tag. ” A lot of lingo to say ‘good condition’

>>> $89.89 <<<

Teddy with Old Face

Is it me, or is this bear squatting and crossing his legs??

>>> $149.00 <<<

Scorch

>>> $1.99 <<<

Eucalyptus the Koala

>>> $19.99 <<<

Erin

AKA the Irish bear. Apparently she’s extremely rare. Complete with Guiness in hand (not really, but they should)

>>> $350.00 <<<

Nibbles the Guinea Pig

No parent should ever purchase this for their child. What even IS this monstrosity??

>>> $29.99<<<

Digger the Orange Crab

>>> $14.99<<<

Pinata the Bear

Because apparently, they made an international collection. and weren’t even clever about it. ‘Let’s just print a pattern of their flag on it!’, the now jobless designers of Beanie Babies, circa 1998

>>> $4.00<<<

And now it’s time to guess which one of these RARE Princess Diana bears costs more than the other!

On is listed as $9.90, the other $350,000.00