#RightNowAFreshman versus In 2004, A Freshman…

Right now, a Freshman …

is perusing the trending Twitter hashtag #RightNowAFreshman to find other people sharing the same experience.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

thinks the last sentence was just a bunch of nonsense words. Also, why is there a pound sign?

Right now, a Freshman …

is wearing the same outfit my sister wore to her college move-in day in 1996.

In 2004, a Freshman …

would not have been caught DEAD in 90s clothes, unless it was part of a group Saved By The Bell Halloween costume. But I sure did look fly in my low-rise boot cuts, hot pink American Eagle polo, and pukka shell necklace!

Right now, a Freshman ….

is streaming episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians  – a show that has been on since she was 10, by the way.

In 2004, a Freshman …

had to be back at the dorm at 9:00 for the next episode of The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. I’m not sure what a Kardashian is?

Right now, a Freshman ….

is illegally streaming episodes of Real Housewives from Korea in order to avoid awkward conversation with the new roomie.

In 2004, a Freshman …

was illegally downloading the latest Dave Matthews album on Kazaa – also in order to avoid awkward conversation with the new roomie. Then the internet broke.

Right now, a Freshman …

is realizing that her new roomie’s tumblr persona greatly misrepresented the kind of person she is.

In 2004, a Freshman …

is realizing that that 10-minute phone conversation on mom and dad’s land line with her new roomie greatly misrepresented the kind of person she is.

Right now, a Freshman …

is avoiding the lame alcohol-free foam party mixer the Student Association is putting on by staying in and making it a Netflix Night.

In 2004 a Freshman …

was avoiding the lame alcohol-free foam party mixer the Student Association is putting on by staying in and watching the MTV marathon of Laguna Beach. It’s so easy to keep watching when they don’t run commercials in between episodes! I wonder if I should buy the DVD when it comes out.

Right now, a Freshman ….

is nervous about wasting all of their good outfits the first week.

In 2004 a Freshman …

was nervous about wasting all of their good outfits the first week.

Denim minis were the perfect dress up/ dress down item.

Right now, a Freshman…

is desperately trying to connect her phone to the dorm’s weak WiFi network so she doesn’t get socked with data charges. I don’t have the unlimited plan, here.

In 2004 a Freshman …

accidentally opened the internet browser on her flip phone then shut it in a panic. We aren’t millionaires here.

Right now a Freshman …

has decided that she’s not really the kind of person that goes to Frat parties. This is likely to change within a few weeks despite her aversion to pastel shorts worn with Oxford shirts.

In 2004 a Freshman ….

also decided that she wasn’t really the kind of person that goes to Frat parties, but changed her mind within a few weeks despite her aversion to popped collars and cargo shorts.

Right now a Freshman ….

is wondering if it would be too much to Google Maps her way from her dorm to all of her class buildings.

In 2004 a Freshman ….

had to learn how to get around campus with a one of those old-timey maps with a cartoon of the wind in the corner, the advice of upperclassmen who knew the secret tunnels between buildings, and a portal to Narnia. Who designs these campuses?

Right now a Freshman …

is letting her tumblr posts get real dark for a while. Moving is hard.

In 2004 a Freshman …

keeps posting cryptic away messages on AIM for a while. Moving is hard.

Right now a Freshman …

is ignoring the groups of future friends in her floor’s ice breaker game, choosing to mass text old friends instead.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

was ignoring the groups of future friends in her floor’s ice breaker game, dashing back to her room as soon as it’s done to chat on AOL with old friends instead.

Right now a Freshman …

is wondering whether it’s too soon to Snapchat that cute guy from the next floor up.

In 2004, a Freshman …

is wondering whether it’s too soon to Myspace friend that cute guy from the next floor up. Will these people EVER work their way into my Top 8?

Right now a Freshman …

is on Instagram, gathering evidence that Miley is seriously starting to get out of hand.

In 2004, a Freshman…

was on Perez Hilton, gathering evidence that Lindsay Lohan is seriously starting to get out of hand. Hey, did you know that Billy Ray Cyrus has kids? No, I don’t care, either.

Right now, a Freshman…

thinks that she’ll “never change who she is,” but also knows that if she ever got famous she would be on Insta visiting kitten farms with Taylor Swift in a hot second.

In 2004, a Freshman …

thinks that she’ll “never change who she is,” but also knows that if she ever got famous she would be on Oh No They Didn’t stumbling out of a club with Lo Bosworth in a hot second.

Right now, a Freshman …

is establishing herself as the “funny one” on her floor with her spot-on impression of “Miley, what’s good?”

In 2004, a Freshman…

was establishing herself as the “funny one” on her floor with her spot-on impression of “that’s hottttt” (I was *known* for it).

Right now, a Freshman…

is stealing Trump 2016 stickers from cars on campus. Who DOES that? Hillary forever!

In 2004, a Freshman …

was stealing Bush/Cheney 2004 stickers from cars on campus. Who DOES that? Kerry forever!

Right now, a Freshman…

Thinks socialism could work in theory, it’s just never been implemented properly. Posts a rant about it on tumblr. Has not done any class reading yet.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

Thought the same thing, but posted it on a “board” online. Also had not done any class reading yet.

Right now, a Freshman…

Has decided she’s being *serious* about school now. Has created separate desktop folders for all her different classes.

In 2004, a Freshman….

Has decided that she’s being *serious* about school now. Uses ALL the different highlighter colors.

Right now a Freshman ….

is making “friends” with some random kids they won’t be talking to by next semester.

In 2004, a Freshman…

Remembered those people well enough to friend them on The Facebook once that came out … and are still Facebook friends with them to this day. Not sure why.

 

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Crossroads

Okay, you know those movies and shows that everyone has seen, and when it comes up in conversation you just sort of nod and hope nobody asks you anything? I have a lot of those. The entire Godfather series, for example. I know. Anyway, we’re both out to tackle our pop culture blind spots and find out if the phenomenon we’ve missed out on are really all they’re cracked up to be.

Our first installment is a cinematic masterpiece that is the zenith of my generation’s teen entertainment. It stars Britney Spears and was written by a young Shonda Rhimes. And I’m pretty sure I’ve told like 5 people that I’ve seen it when it came up in conversation. That was a lie.

Ladies and gentlemen, Crossroads.


 

0:00 Not only have I refrained from seeing this movie since it came out in 2002, I have also been pushing it down our post queue for, like, two months. So I think a lot of our Pop Culture Blind Spots are movies, shows and albums that we’ve avoided because a still small voice said “another episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, why don’t we?”

1:00 Taryn Manning, Zoe Saldana, Shonda Rhimes? This was an incubator for stars of the future.

1:20 … and the past. Kool Mo Dee, anyone? [Edit – next morning: I cannot remember where or how Kool Mo Dee appeared in this movie.]

I have already had to pause this to laugh at the Brit Spears voice over.

1:40 The wardrobe department did a very good job on the 90s flashback jacket for young Zoe Saldana (Kit, but it sounds like Britney is saying Kid). It’s easy to picture “90s kids clothes” today, but when it was only a couple years after the fact it was hard to remember what has changed. Like, if you told me to dress a child like it’s 2007, I’d put it in …. an Obama Hope logo tee shirt? No clue.

By the way, young Britney is played by Jamie Lynn Spears, before her life and career went in a totally different direction. You could almost say she was …. at a crossroads.

2:20 There’s a time capsule. I’m hooked.

3:00 Oh thank God. Britney is singing again. Madonna’s Open Your Heart, which is really more suited to a televised mass wedding, to be honest.

3:51 BRIT IS THE VALEDICTORIAN. This is important.

4:10 PENNSATUCKY IS A PREGNANT TEEN. This is more important. I also am not sure how or when Taryn Manning became typecast as the redneck bad girl from the wrong side of the tracks, but she is so amazing at it.

OMG THIS FOREVER YES.

5:50 Why is Brit in a prom dress AFTER graduation? Do they do that in … is this Louisiana?

In my day (2 years after this movie was made) graduation night was the first chance you had to start never seeing most of those people ever again.

6:36 Britney Acting Range: Emotion #1: Pouty. She cries over missing out on high school stuff to become the valedictorian. When she says “I was like ‘is this it?'” you can almost see her straining to recall memorized dialogue.

7:23 They’re at some sort of fancy post-grad soiree. I forgot how shiny and pink 2002 was. Saldana is rocking the rows of twisted hair into a bun look. Sans butterfly clips, because it’s not 1999 here.

Reminiscent of the best Zoe Saldana role of all time, Eva in Center Stage.

10:30 Brit and her Nerdy Male Friend (Lucy and Henry, which sounds more like a preschool class in 2015 than a high school class in 2002) prepare to have sex for, presumably, the first time. There is a scarf strewn over a bedside lamp. Does anyone toss a scarf over a lamp before sex IRL? Anyone? Seems like a fire haz.

Henry, BTW, is Justin Long in his early career.

12:45 Pennsatucky fights with a guy with molded vertical Ken Doll hair.

14:38 The Time Capsule was so boring. Oh my god, so boring. They put in emblems of their hopes and dreams, which is exactly as not-interesting as it sounds. Saldana wanted to get married, Brit wanted to find her mom, and Pennsatucky wanted to get out of dodge.

Britney Acting Range: Emotion #2: Opening a box. Kind of neutral, but wouldn’t most of us be if we were opening such a boring-ass time capsule?

17:10 Brit calls her mom “mother” which gives me hope that things will turn Baby Jane/ Psycho / SOMETHING.

Yo remember those slim-fit rugby shirts we used to wear? I assume there’s a name for them.

That one shirt we all had.

19:40 Bucket hat. Trailer park. They’re going to LA.

21:32 You know those people who,when you’re singing in the car, try to ~show off and sing really good? Britney Spears is that person.

Saldana has those sunglasses with a shape in rhinestone decals. Those are Paige Michalchuk sunglasses.

25:40 Ben was in jail. Ben is the guy they’re driving to LA with. Never take rides from a stranger, friends. That’s how you get serial killed.

27:00 Saldana is rocking some yellow-gold eyeshadow that I also sported a lot c. 2002. I thought it made my blue eyes “pop” but I looked like a baby that needed to get put under those jaundice lights.

Also they’re buying Funyuns. Do people actually like those?

29:00 Dan Aykroyd wants Brit to come home. I have avoided mentioning that Dan Aykroyd was her father till now because it pains me.

31:10 Those shirts with the thin neck scarf thing attached! I had roughly the same top as Saldana has on.

32:18 Pennsatucky and Saldana fight. If anything is redeeming in this movie, it’s Taryn Manning. She is amazing.

Britney Spears Acting Range: Emotion #3: Frustration. Broken-down car on road trip.

35:55 The girls do a Karaoke performance to make money. I Love Rock n Roll. I forgot about that Britney Spears cover. Spears packed a crimper in their luggage, apparently; thank God. She also has one of those shirts where the writing on it is split open in front of her cleavage, and her underwear is a solid inch above her low-rise jeans. Okay. So I have adjusted to the 90s fashion revival, but it’s really going to sting when the early 2000s come back.

38:00 Did you ever notice that Britney changes the end of every word that ends in an “ee” sound into an “ay” sound? ‘He was with may.’ I think that must have been part of the Mickey Mouse Club training protocol, because the late 90s boy bands did that, too. Or is it a very specific accent native to the Oakwood?

43:00 The girls have a slumber party at the house from Pretty Baby.

I waited to add images til my lunch break, and I can’t look up Pretty Baby at work because… have you seen Pretty Baby? But Google it and you’ll see that the set design is 100% the same.

 

Child!Saldana went to fat camp. Is fat camp real? Has anyone been? Will you write a guest post? I’m dying to know more.

44:55: Britney Spears Acting Range: Emotion #4: Rue. Rue? Rueful? She’s bummed. Mom stuff.

You know what this movie is missing? The Shonda Rhimes cadence from Scandal. Where they all “talk like THIS, like.. they are reading a SLAAAM… poem.”

46:00 Wait, Pennsatucky is pregnant because she got date raped? This just got dark.

50:10 How many sing alongs do they have to do? I mean I know it’s a road trip movie… with Britney Spears in it… but I want to leave sing alongs to Man! I Feel Like A Woman on my high school tennis bus where they belong.

54:20 Car Owner Ben was arrested for helping his sister get away from his stepdad. This is the least fun road trip ever.

57:45 NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Nobody told me that Britney was going to dramatically recite the lyrics to Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. I would have remembered if somebody told me that. I would have steeled myself for it. Britney Spears Acting Range: Emotion #5: Poetess.

Shouldn’t a valedictorian be better at writing?

1:00:00 Kim Cattrall is here. Maybe that will help. She’s Brit’s mom, who lives in a McMansion. Lots of white, light oak, and giant floral arrangements. The decor preferences of a total bitch. She is dressed like the Crocodile Hunter, may he rest in peace.

1:06:40 Ben set Brit’s “poem” to music. That’s what I’ve been watching for over an hour? The origin story of Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman? Britney Jean Spears’ fifth-best single? Now anybody who knows me knows that I love early 2000s-era Britney … hell, all the Britneys… but this is just too much.

“Not a girl, not yet a woman.” So, a teenager. That’s a teenager.

1:09:20 They’re singing in the car again (If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow, this time). Oh Christ Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God. Sing With All The Saints In Glory. Why? If I wanted to listen to someone sing Sheryl Crow in the car I would go run errands with my mom.*

* If you like me even a little bit, you would love my mom.

1:12 I’m sure they explained this in between sing alongs, but how do they have the money to stay at all these hotels? Car Owner Ben? Now they’re in LA in a room with a beach view that looks like it would be the set of a Mary Kate And Ashley original movie. One of them would be the girly, sweet one and the other would be the sporty, funny one and their names would be Cleo and Baylee. Or Maddi and Lylah. Or Trixie and Summer.

Shea and Maxie?

 

1:14:02 Ben has a back piece of angel wings, but make no mistake, he’s no Helena.

1:15:40 Oh shit. Saldana’s BF is hooking up with some hussy AND he’s wearing one of those zip up bowling shirt things. AND he raped Pennsatucky. So obvi Pennsatucky owes nothing to anybody at this point, but wouldn’t you do a friend a solid and tell her that her BF/Fiance is a rapist? Or like slip it into a note since it’s an uncomfy convo. I’d say you could text it, but in 2002 that would have taken like 15 minutes and that’s IF your plan had texting.

1:18:20 Pennsatucky fell down the stairs getting away from Rapist Dylan and lost the baby. This road trip is the pits. Is anything good going to happen to her ever, or is this an early 2000s cautionary tale about going to parties in the first place or some-such?

I feel like this is an e.e. cummings poem where Milly (Brit) gets to befriend a fallen star whose rays five languid fingers were, and freaking Molly (Pennsatucky, Saldana) has to get chased by a terrible thing that runs sideways blowing bubbles.

1:24 So Pennsatucky sat out her miscarriage or whatever, and now they’re ready to go.

**** At this point, I went to take a picture of the screen but was accidentally on selfie mode. It’s against my better judgement to post this, but this is the ACTUAL UNALTERED FACE I WAS MAKING while watching this:

Displaying FullSizeRender.jpg

Those aren’t so much eyes as saucers brimming with confusion. ***

1:25 Dan Aykroyd comes to collect Brit. She says “don’t make me run, let me go.” Then she hands him her locket so that he can keep half of it and find her at an orphanage in 10 years, and she leaves to make out with the guy she met that week.

There’s a billboard for Spy Kids in the background, to give you an idea of what era we’re in.

And if there were still any doubt of what era we’re in, Brit sings at an American Idol-esque audition wearing a criss-cross crop top with enormous billowing sleeves. Pennsatucky and Saldana, fresh off a miscarriage and finding out her fiancé is a rapist, respectively, sing backup.

1:29 They make a new time capsule, but with no wishes for the future, because I guess Britney is the only character who has one at this point. For they are not girls, not yet women.

Teenagers.

Bootcuts And Bucket Hats: Already-Dated Fashion Of Gilmore Girls

Just about every week in the early 2000s, I’d catch the latest episode of Gilmore Girls on the WB and swoon over the latest fashions. When I rewatched the series this year, I found myself cringing instead – over my own sartorial past. It’s not that the clothes in Gilmore Girls were exceptionally bad. Actually, a surprising number of looks hold up, a real testament to the costume department. It’s just that the show aired a long time ago. Let’s put it this way. When Gilmore Girls premiered, we were one year younger than Rory. Now we’re, like, a few years younger than Season One Lorelai.  We’ve already written a post on Mid-2000s fashion, but now let’s take a look at how those trends played out in Stars Hollow.

 

Message Tees

Whether it was a sassy slogan a la Seth Cohen, or a bowling alley that you’ve never been to because it doesn’t exist, we were all about the message tees back at the turn of the millennium. It seemed like a way to let people know something about you without even having to say a word — but from the shores of 2015, I wonder why I really cared that people knew that I found reading sexy. Even if it is.

Really proud I never rocked one of these. See also: Jesus Is My Homeboy.

The tiny blazer – bootcut – t-shirt trifecta

I wore this look a lot in college (2004 – 2008), and so did Rory. You felt a little more put-together than if you were just wearing a t-shirt. What Not To Wear was big at the time, and I think we all thought that this was supposed to “balance our proportions” – but it kind of did! Bonus points if you remember why Rory’s not wearing a shoe in this scene.

Skinny Scarfs

You live in Connecticut. Connecticut is cold. Why so little scarf? We all had these and we all looked like we were wearing evidence of a knitting accident.

Bucket Hats

A couple years ago I joked that I’d know people were taking the ’90s revival too far when bucket hats came back. That’s because I couldn’t fathom a world in which bucket hats came back. That’s because I’m an idiot. And in the late 90s and early 2000s, we were all idiots, wearing headgear like a sassy fishmonger.

By the way, the bucket hat did come back, and I feel the urge to whisper “you’ll have regrets” whenever I see a teen in one. But whatever, I’ll let them have their youth.

“Bowling” shoes or whatever

Not a great picture. But remember in 2003 or so, when we realized that you could replace those giant puffy sneakers with a sleeker… bowling shoe, basically?

Lane’s “punk” look

We hit on this in the playlist post, too. The modern hipster look didn’t get big until around 2008, and before that if you wanted to show people you were a little different you’d opt for this Avril Lavigne-y, pop-punk aesthetic. Lots of hot pink, stars, and items that could be purchased at Hot Topic.

Full, knee-length skirt + long, fitted top + cropped sweater

That sounds like a really specific look, but it was widespread and was absolutely, 100% my jam circa 2005. I wouldn’t call this “dated” it just isn’t as big as it was for a while there. Full disclosure: I think this might be a dress, but I couldn’t find the outfit I was remembering.

Short sleeve shirts over long sleeved shirts

If you needed a little extra warmth – but not like, sweater-level warmth – and you wanted to be cool, and it was 2004, you’d do this. People have always layered t-shirts under other clothing, but in the early 2000s we decided to really let those gray Hanes t-shirts shine.

Two-colored tie dye shirts 

Granted, it was laundry day. But remember these two-tone tye-die numbers that always made you look like a pert camp counselor? This is pretty inoffensive as far as “ran out of clothes” clothes go, but I haven’t seen one of these little numbers for years. Granted, I haven’t been hanging around any summer camps, either.

That one kind of leather jacket that ladies used to wear

No, but you know what I mean. It’s not as though leather jackets, as a category, will ever go away, but that one kind of leather jacket was all over the place way back when. I remember going with my friend to Wilson’s – remember Wilson’s? – so she could buy one. I blame Lorelai Gilmore and Buffy Summers. The WB in general, really – may it rest in peace.

 I think we told ourselves this was “harajuku” inspired

Let’s be real, Japan never asked us to do this. There’s just so much mixing of patterns and collars. I don’t think you understand. You could buy these at stores 15 years ago.

Triangle hair bandanas

Something weird happened with these. Triangle bandanas were super popular in the early 2000s, and you could even buy them pre-cut into a triangle shape with strings in the back. We thought it was sporty and cute. To wear rags. On our heads. Like washerwomen. I wore one, even though it made me look like my Irish peasant ancestors even more than usual. Then, after they faded with fashion, they held on for a few years — but only with super Christian girls. Girls who got those special Christian teen magazines and listened to Newsboys? LOVED these triangle hair bandannas.

Jean Skirts + wacky tights + blazer + scarf

I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure that was the formula for fashion success around 2007.

Peasant Dress + Boots

Peasant skirt + boots was also an acceptable combo. Lindsay Lohan and Sookie St. James were in accord on that one.

“Going out” tops

In our Mid-2000s Fashion post we discussed going out tops, and Lorelai owned many. These were lacey, satin-y, or otherwise frilly tops you’d pair with your boot-cuts to transition easily from dinner at your parents’ to some sort of club.

Is it a slip? Is it a dress? Neither. It’s a mistake.

In the late ’90s and early 2000s – maybe as a reaction to the over-the-top foof of the ’80s and early ’90s – we all loved the simplicity of a slip dress. But slips belong under a dress for a reason. For the record, a lot of the “going out tops” of the day also looked like fancy lingerie. You might be fooled because Alexis Bledel and Lauren Graham both look nice here – but on common folk, close-fitting, clingy satin is a surefire way to look like you’re made of weird flesh lumps.

Christmas sweaters

Okay, it was just that one time.

 

 

Class of ’04: Celebrity Superlatives

Wasssuupppp?! This week we’re reflecting back to 2004 – aka the year Molly & I graduated high school. It’s been exactly 10 years this month ::insert quarter-life crisis freakout here::  since we received our diplomas and officially became “adults”, and while it seems like it happened just yesterday, it equally feels like lifetimes ago. All this week we’re looking back at pop culture, fashion, and all things early 2000s, but also fast forwarding a decade and reflecting on our 2004 selves with our 2014 selves. We’re putting it all out there, folks.

Today, I’m kicking it off with one of my personal extracurricular activities in high school: Yearbook. I know, hard to believe right? ‘But Traci, you’re so cool and hip, it’s hard to imagine you were in something so academic and somewhat nerdy like the Yearbook Club!’ You’re right, reader. Not only was I in choir and did theatre, I ALSO was part of putting the yearbook together.

In the spirit of my infinite coolness, here are some superlatives from a faux celebrity yearbook for the stars who took over Hollywood between 2000 and 2004 when we were impressionable teens and TRL ruled the world. Put on your sparkly flare jeans and let’s get started!

Best TV Host

Carson Daly

If there’s one show that will define our generation, it’s TRL. I rush home every weekday and obviously vote non-stop for BSB to be number one on the countdown. True story: I was the TRL fan of the week in 2002 and Carson showed my picture on TV AND he said my name!!! So maybe I’m a little biased, because we’re best friends, but whatevs.

Best Dressed

Paris Hilton

 Guys, this Paris Hilton girl is apparently a big deal and she has this weird show with her best friend Nicole Richie that’s like about them going to different parts of America and having different jobs even though they’re both uber rich. But I can’t help but notice Paris’ style. It’s so edgy and hip! I’m probably never going to wear anything like this, but I bet a lot of other girls will soon enough!

Most Likely to Succeed

Beyonce of Destiny’s Child

Through a whole bunch of lineup changes, DC3 finally settled with Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle, but the two longest members of the group, Beyonce and Michelle have always stood out. Okay, maybe just Beyonce. There’s just something about her that makes you want to see more. If she does solo stuff in the future, she’s definitely one to watch out for!

Biggest Prankster

Ashton Kutcher

The guy from That 70s Show has his own TV show about pranking celebrities, so basically nobody else deserves this title but Ashton. I mean, he got away with punking Justin Timberlake – that’s epic enough.

Best Couple

Britney and Justin

Speaking of Justin, I’m still not over the fact this perfect couple broke up in 2002, so let’s just pretend they’re still together, okay?

Favorite Celeb Couple On & Off-Screen

Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson

If Seth and Summer isn’t your favorite couple just turn around right now. The geeky loner guy gets the popular girl? That never happens. AND IN REAL LIFE TOO?! Stop it. (PS that pic is from a Halloween party where Adam was an astronaut and Rachel was a martian (?) and they’re with The OC creator Josh Schwartz & Summer Cohen’s mom, played by Melinda Clarke. I mean…)

Best Hair

Chris Kirkpatrick

Obviously.

Class Clown

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy is totally hilarious on Saturday Night Live. Even though he’s leaving the show (which will never be the same without him) I know he’s gonna be a huge movie star. He even has a movie coming out with Queen Latifah that’s supposed to be really funny!

Most Athletic

Apolo Anton Ohno

Molly & I are probably a little too obsessed with America’s golden boy. Literally golden boy because he’s physically incapable of not winning gold medals at the Olympics. Also he’s so dreamy. Who knew short track speed skating could be so exhilarating (not me. didn’t even know it was a sport)?!?

Most Attractive

Heath Ledger

With The Patriot and A Knight’s Tale, Heath and his flowing hair are the stuff dreams are made of. And to top it all off – he’s Australian!!! That means he says things like G’Day and Vegemite!!! I’m not even going to admit how many posters I have of him on my wall…

Most Changed

Lindsay Lohan

lilo pt to mg

From Parent Trap to Mean Girls, I can’t believe Lindsay Lohan has grown up so much! It’s also hard to believe we’re the same age. But remember how cute she was in The Parent Trap and now she’s hanging out with Tina Fey and Lacey Chabert from Party of Five (still one of my fave shows). Hopefully this is a rollercoaster that only goes up for Linds!

Mid-2000s Fashion: A Requiem

Fashion is cyclical, and that cycle is about 20 years long. That’s why all those teen whippersnappers are dressed like 1994 Angela Chases and Corey Matthewses right now (although we know that the truth of 90s fashion was a little different). And that’s why styles from 5-10 years ago (think The O.C., Laguna Beach, Mean Girls) … well, they’re old enough to make you look out of date, but too recent pass as a vintage look.

As I am re-watching Veronica Mars, I’m finding myself really missing some of those mid-2000s styles. Others… not so much. We won’t be seeing a lot of these 2003 – 2009 fads again for a while, so consider this a requiem. A long time ago, we used to be friends…

Boot Cut Jeans

Occasionally you hear that boot cuts are coming back for real this time, and maybe it’s true – denim follows different life spans than other fashion, multiple jean styles are acceptable at any time, and enough people resisted the skinny jean trend that boot cuts never really died. Though I like skinny jeans because it’s easier to find pairs that aren’t too baggy, boot cuts were frankly more flattering on more people. I usually stick with trouser jeans or straight leg when I don’t feel like wearing skinny jeans, but I’m seriously considering trawling e-bay for some 2007-vintage Seven For All Mankinds or Luckys. I’m old, I do what I want.

Little Corduroy Jackets

Some quality bootcuts, too.

If Veronica Mars makes you miss one thing, it’s cropped, fitted little corduroy jackets that were acceptable for indoor and outdoor wear and made great layers over shirts and hoodies alike. These are another thing I’d totally bring back without shame – I have some more blazer-y ones that I may or … may wear to the office sometimes.

Aviator Sunglasses

These haven’t gone all the way out, but they’re nowhere near as ubiquitous as they were a while ago. Everyone’s trying to wear Tom Cruise in Risky Business frames these days, but we still need a few Tom Cruise from Top Guns.

To save you the trouble, I googled “when was Kardashian in back brace.” Never. The answer is never. This is a belt.

Fitted Tops That Weren’t Too Short Or Too Long

I blame skinny jeans for this. A lot of ladies wanted or needed to cover their butts in skinny jeans, and suddenly long tops came into fashion. Others wanted to balance fitted skinnies with looser tops, and billowy tunics were here. Then, those damn teens got their hands on fashion, and those awkwardly short yet wide shirts from the 90s came back. We never noticed it happening, but somehow it’s a lot harder to find a shirt that’s not skin-tight, but doesn’t billow. A top that isn’t butt-covering long or belly-baring short, but lands right at your hipbone. Suddenly every shopping trip turns you into freaking goldilocks, searching for the shirt that’s just right. It didn’t used to be like this.

Juicy Tracksuits

Last place you’d see these tracksuits: an actual track. Can you imagine running in head-to-to velour?

I think J.Lo started this one, but America’s responsible for following. These were the outfit that said “I spent a lot of money to wear velour and look like I’m ill.” I never had a pair, but if I were the age I am now when these were popular, I would have probably cave. After a while you just like to be comfortable. If you wore one of these, you probably jazzed it up with some big ol’ hoop earrings.

Snarky Message Tees

At the time, I always used to think that these should read “I’m Not Funny — But My Shirt Is!” Clearly my attitude toward others hasn’t changed in the past decade. I’ll admit that some of these were sort of funny, in a bumper sticker, key chain, greeting card sort of way.

T-Shirts From Destinations You’ve Never Visited

In 2005, it didn’t matter if you’d never been to Ed’s Bowl-A-Roll, Springville Prep Lacrosse Camp, or Buenos Aires. It was enough to had a shirt that said you had. It was so bad that if you’d wear a t-shirt from a vacation or activity, one of your friends would always ask “Now, is that real, or…?”

‘Return To Tiffany’ Jewelry

Man. Could we have thought of something less really expensive to have cycle in and out of fashion? It was these, then those Italian charm bracelets, then regular charm bracelets, and now finally Alex and Ani, which is at least cheap, finally. If you wear these with the right outfit and accessories it’s still doable.

Now, when they went missing, how many of these bad boys do you think actually got returned to Tiffany & Co.?

Che Guevara, For Some Reason

The most mid-2000s thing ever: (1) Che Guevara + (2) Military Green + (3) Canvas + (4) Messenger Bag

I don’t know. In 2007 that one kid who’s always talking about sustainable water supply and the Iraq occupation in your Developing World poli-sci class is definitely wearing a Che t-shirt. Or a Che pin. And definitely a Che jacket. It’s just a thing people were doing to let you know that they didn’t vote for George W. Bush, had serious feelings about organic foods, and were minoring in political science.

Puka Shells and Beaded Man-Necklaces

No beach required. There was a surfer thing going on that might have started in Blue Crush, and it manifested in Hawaiian flowers on shirts and these damn necklaces. They started off as an innocuous accessory, but after a while they were part of the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta, three items that all dirtbaggy mid-2000s dude-bros wore so that we could tell they were douchey without even having to talk to them. We’ll address the other two further down.

Whiskered Denim

Jeans that were painted to look like your hips were so wide that your fabric was straining and puckering against them. Thanks, 2004. You really, really shouldn’t have.

Conspicuous Branding

“My shirt is from a store!” – Your Shirt, c. 2006

In 2006, you didn’t need to worry that people wouldn’t be able to tell that your shirt was from Abercrombie, Hollister, Armani Exchange, or even Aeropostale. Your shirt did the talking for you.

Trucker Hats

Bonus mid-2000s trend: Jesus Is My Homeboy. Double-Bonus Mid-2000s Trend: Ashton Kutcher

 

Usually Von Dutch, always completely silly. This is our second item in the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta.

Gaucho Pants

Baby AnnaSophia Robb is a paragon of 2004 couture.

 

I remember sitting in my college dorm in 2005, people-watching kids going into the dining hall across from our room, and wondering when all of the girls started dressing like swashbuckling pirates.

Popped Collars

See also: every guy I ever met at a party from 2004 to 2008

Here it is. The third Douchebag Accessory. You could even wear two popped collars at once if you were really, really awful.

Going Out Tops

“Nobody looks flyer than me in this silk-accented maroon blouse!” – My Imagination, c. 2006. [In case you’re wondering this is from a puppet show lampooning all of my friends, which a buddy and I wrote, directed, and starred in BECAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AT LEAST THIS COOL.]

Before it was normal to wear cute dresses or casual t-shirts out, every Friday and Saturday night (and Thursday… and Sunday), you’d straighten your hair, smudge on some liquid eyeliner, and change into one of your Going Out Tops. They were silky or lacy or otherwise fancy tops. At my college, at least, you’d then cover it up with a NorthFace fleece to walk across the frozen terrain.

In case you’re wondering, “going out top” was a clumsy phrase invented as a workaround so we didn’t have to say “blouse.”

Ringer Tees

Sports fashion for people who can’t play, or necessarily name, a single sport. These are neither dead, nor as very alive as they once were.

That One Kind Of Jeans Skirt

I basically wore this exact outfit.

Some kinds of denim skirt are still in – I was just wearing one. But remember that one kind of jeans skirt that everyone had? In warm weather, you’d wear it with your going out shirt.

The Butt-Ruffle

I don’t know. It was like a flouncy ruffle that covered your ass. It sort of looked like a diaper cover. It seemed cute at the time.

Surf and Beach Inspired Outfits

What is this shirt, College Molly? You don’t even LIKE beaches that much. Too much sun exposure, too much sand.

Thanks to the aforementioned Blue Crush, along with The O.C. and Laguna Beach, teen beach bums were having a moment. Even if you lived nowhere near water, it’s a thing that was happening.

Short-Sleeved Shirts Over Long-Sleeved Shirts

Could I BE wearing any more clothes?

Ah, the mid-2000s. When shirt sleeves of all lengths lived in harmony.

Fitted Off-The Shoulder Tops

These weren’t those big, floppy 80s flashdance numbers. They were regular long-sleeved tops, but the shoulders were over the shoulder.

Tight Plain Tank Tops Worn By Themselves As Though It Were Just… Okay

To explain: We were “hiking” and Traci instructed me to “look competent.” And our friend’s face is obscured so as not to throw her under the 2006 bus.

Your ab situation was on-point. You knew it. So did everyone else. Frankly, I’m glad these were popular in my college years so that my 18-21 year old abs will live on in the memory of all those I knew and loved.

Half-Cardigans

What’s so funny, 2007 me? Is it that you still have the glow of youth? That you live in a house with a lime-green bar room? Or is it that your cardigan only reaches your ribs and you realize you look like an idiot?

Sometimes you’d wear it over your tight plain tank top.

Floppy Surfer Boy Haircuts That Always Curled Straight Out

I have curly hair, too. I understand. This hair cut was not always bad, but on boys with a certain kind of hair, it curled straight out at the bottom, forming, like, a hair-shelf. It looked stupid. You looked stupid.

Smocking On Grown-Assed Women

On five-year-olds’ sundresses: Adorable. On adult ladies with boobs: really really weird. They made your boobs look tube-shaped and awful.

Where Are They Now: Tween Nazis

Please note: Tween Nazis doesn’t refer to young folks between the ages of 10 and 12 years old, who grew up following the leadership of Adolf Hitler. I am absolutely not doing a where are they now on them. No, the tween Nazis I’m referring to is the young singing duo of Prussian Blue.

Prussian Blue consists of twin sisters Lamb and Lynx Gaede, who rose to popularity in 2003 as being the bright, blonde, blue-eyed girls who sang white nationalist pop. What, you weren’t into them? For some reason, I remember Molly and I being fascinated with these girls, mainly because we couldn’t believe they existed in real life.

For a little backstory, the twins were born Bakersfield, California and raised by parents April and Bill Gaede. Their mom was even a member of racist fringe groups including the National Alliance and the National Vanguard.

The girls began to write songs and learn how to play instruments, penning songs like “Hitler Is Our Hero” and “Aryan Man Awake”. They recorded two albums and even toured Europe, performing at white nationalist organizations. They even went on to say that they believed the Holocaust was a “myth,” and in fact, the name Prussian Blue refers to the by-product of the poisonous substance used to gas Jews in concentration camps. Classy kids, these two.

Their story was even transformed into a musical a few years ago called White Noise, a project even Whoopi Goldberg backed. While it didn’t find the steam to take it all the way to Broadway, one thing for sure is that Prussian Blue became the talk of newsmagazines across every major network, as these two ‘cherubic’ girls were being used to perpetuate white supremacist propaganda.

To give you a taste of their music, here’s a song called Victory Day. I really hate to give this video more views, but I feel like I need to give y’all proof that these girls were for real.

Anyone else offended by the fact that they became popular – but actually have horrible voices? I mean like, racism aside?

So where are these gals now, you ask? Are they still touring Europe with their inspirational songs?

Thank God, the answer is no. This is Lamb and Lynx Gaede today:

Total hipsters.

Now 21 years old, the girls moved from California to Montana (apparently their mom wanted to move to a more white state).  As of 2011, Lamb and Lynx put their hate pop careers behind them, insisting they don’t believe in the messages they used to sing about anymore.

In an interview in 2011, Lynx tried to explain why they got into the business in the first place, saying, “My sister and I were home-schooled. We were these country bumpkins. We spent most of our days up on the hill playing with our goats.”

Lamb adds, “I was just spouting a lot of knowledge that I had no idea what I was saying.”

So take note kids, if you want to become semi-successful in a very niche music market, just do what you’re told and don’t ask questions, even if they seem like they could be extremely offensive.

They both live in Montana still, with Lamb living on her own and working as a hotel maid, and Lynx lives with their mother, stepdad and half-sister, Dresden (the names of these children, good lord) in a home near Lamb. As a freshman in high school, Lynx was diagnosed with cancer and a large tumor was removed from her shoulder. She also suffers from a rare condition called CVS, Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, which sounds like the most horrible disease in the world.

Unfortunately Lamb has suffered from a few health problems as well, including scoliosis and chronic back pain, as well as lack of appetite and emotional stress… wonder where that came from.

But the one thing that helps them get through the day? Pot. Yes, you read that right.

Lynx reveals, “I have to say, marijuana saved my life. I would probably be dead if I didn’t have it.”

In fact, the two made more history as they became one of the first five minors to get a medical marijuana card in Montana. What a great fun fact to use when forced to play icebreaker games in college.

Speaking of which, they still hope to enroll in college, and are on a mission to make medical marijuana legal all across the U.S. Meanwhile, they’re still keeping their artistic juices flowing, with painting and for Lynx, restoring old furniture.

While their mom believes their mild music stardom was just going to be “a little fun thing to do,” and the twins don’t exactly believe every wold they used to sing, they still have some traces of white supremacy in their ideology.

When asked about their outlook on the Holocaust now, Lynx replied, “I think certain things happened. I think a lot of the stories got misconstrued. I mean, yeah, Hitler wasn’t the best, but Stalin wasn’t, Churchill wasn’t. I disagree with everybody at that time.”

Lamb agreed with her sister and said, “I just think everyone needs to frickin’ get over it. That’s what I think. We just want to come from a place of love and light. I think we’re meant to do something more – we’re healers. We just want to exert the most love and positivity we can.”

There you have it folks. They’re healers now.